mandyjw

Inner Being/God/Mother, I have a bone to pick with you. All these Princes you've sent to rescue me from my tower have been a disappointment. I sent you a ton of strong women today though. Yes, you did. It was quite something actually. You created that. I did. Am I lesbian or something? No, but I am. Oh, right. Ooooo...! thunder. I've really had a very fun day. Some old thinking patterns, yes. Some problems I want to solve, yes. But just like I realized last night with the nature thing, a love is a love, not a problem, and yes I do want to realize that. I can't believe how blessed I am. I can't believe how much I have and how much I can never lose. Funny how when we get what we really want we say "I can't believe it!" I can't believe it. A love is a love. "I had some big belief busting experiences within a short time frame, the problem with describing them is that it almost always seems like it comes out as sort of like a bad and misleading representation. My dad describes a similar experience when his father passed away, I presume that there's window that opens during that time that is truly stunning if you're the slightest bit open to it. Makes me think of the curtain being torn after Jesus passes away in the Bible. The curtain being torn symbolized that ALL had free, clear access to God, and I think it just hit me why that was so significant. Great topic, thank you. " Wow. For some reason I started to write a poem today and wrote down words I was inspired by. Veil was one. It was the one I gave the most thought. And the song I loved so much by George Ezra, I listened to it again a few times today has the lines, When I dance alone, and the Suns's bleeding down Blame it on me When I lose control and the veil's overused Blame it on me What you're waiting for? What you're waiting for? WOW. Synchronicity with Jesus's death. Talk about being sold a Prince come to save you story. And really he just came to tell everyone that they didn't need saving. Oooo... the thunder! I love the thunder. I suppose a lightning bolt makes the sky look like it's torn in two. Ok Inner Being/God/Mother. I take it back. I'm not disappointed at all, just forgot mine own power/love for a moment. Didn't forget, you just thought you were somebody who needed rescuing. rescue (v.) c. 1300, from stem of Old French rescorre "protect, keep safe; free, deliver" (Modern French recourre), from re-, intensive prefix (see re-), + escourre "to cast off, discharge," from Latin excutere "to shake off, drive away," from ex "out" (see ex-) + -cutere, combining form of quatere "to shake" (see quash). Related: Rescued; rescuing. Alright, before i get the impulse to sing Taylor Swift songs... too late It's time for bed.

@BipolarGrowth Thanks! I had some big belief busting experiences within a short time frame, the problem with describing them is that it almost always seems like it comes out as sort of like a bad and misleading representation. My dad describes a similar experience when his father passed away, I presume that there's window that opens during that time that is truly stunning if you're the slightest bit open to it. Makes me think of the curtain being torn after Jesus passes away in the Bible. The curtain being torn symbolized that ALL had free, clear access to God, and I think it just hit me why that was so significant. Great topic, thank you.

If I had a short time to live, I would be SO excited about planning my funeral and picking out my casket and what I wanted planted on my grave. I know just the spot. Ohh... and the poems I'd want read and the music. Best f-ing funeral you ever attended. I'd also write a book about enlightenment and living your truth for my kids. And spend time with them obviously. Trip to Hawaii. Would leave some cool hidden shit all over the place for people to find mysteriously for a long time after.

Funny that the "deeper" you go down the rabbit hole, the simpler and simpler things get. Amazing how much you can explain with a rubber band.

Sometimes I buy name brand clothes and sometimes I buy clothes from Walmart. Sometimes you want one thing in the highest quality you can get, and other times you just want four of something. Also very often, the younger the woman the less jazzed she'll be about the Walmart scenario. But all women are unique. Just let her like what she likes. For God's sake it's her closet, not yours or Leo's.

There's such a crazy surprising element of ass backwardsness to spiritual "progression". It'll make you laugh/cry. I guess it's just the unwinding in a belief of progression and progressing. time. It's already it, right here, always was. The winding up movement created the tension and the sense of movement, but it's just spinning, the movement not there. I think that's why trying to grasp one's progression drives people crazy. If there is true movement, how could you grasp it AND continue to allow it move at the same time?

? You could say that it's just realizing what's already the case, that emotions and minds already have no separate borders. There's a component of love and connection with someone that can be an opening to it. I was doing the practice of tonglen for a while and innocently did it the night my Grandmother passed away and that's when the giving/receiving duality really collapsed.

Until you wish to perceive it differently. Outwardly, until enough women refuse to move to the back of the bus and enough police officers arresting them for their refusal to move to back of the bus realize that they feel like total horse's asses and refuse to act out orders based on an unfair, flawed assumption.

Well, isn't the main objective to see those biases and prejudices? If we use the forum as a mirror and we have honest, open conversations together about tough, triggering subjects we can smooth out all those biases, limiting beliefs and prejudices that get in the way of relationships or our own successful endeavors. But if the objective is to sort of shore up a belief of "how things are" no one is going to agree or get anywhere because there is no actual "how things are" just your perception of things.

@Raptorsin7 Ok, if you're honestly so concerned only about this group of incredibly successful women who have such high standards that they are just so so alone, like very rich lost little puppies, maybe we can all go rescue them. But I kinda got the idea that there was a whole nother discussion going on beyond just that.

Sure, I've seen it happen successfully, a female artist I follow got a huge break and now employs her husband as a musician and what they create together is absolutely amazing. But the premise of this whole thread is that women's success is unattractive.

I would want a competent man if I have a role for him in my endeavors. Otherwise, I just want some numb idiot with a nice face and a huge dick.

That's fine. But if you think that her income and success works AGAINST her, I think that's coming straight from an insecurity that would feel a lot better to examine and drop rather than perpetuate.

No. Especially if he doesn't. I think there are people who have their priorities and true desires all mixed up and there people who are clear about what they want and monetary success has nothing to do with it. We could each easily find examples to prove our cases. Unworthiness. The belief that I must PROVE and show my worth in some outward manner to FEEL worthy of someone's love, or to feel worthy on my own at all. I don't think you realize how many women struggle with feeling unworthy and insecure of being supported by their partner, even when they are raising children and taking care of everything else. It's all because of this societal narrative that success=money. It just doesn't vary that much from gender to gender anymore. We've lived in a society where men are thought of as providers and women are thought of as the nurturing ones. It's not the 1950's anymore. There are all these old feelings and beliefs lingering around messing everyone up though. They are contagious if you have a low immune system. *cough* *cough* a feeling of unworthiness. Having a rich partner could be JUST as attractive to a man as it is to some women, or it could also trigger insecurities. Or it could not matter at all, and just be a fact. It's all just the narrative you buy into.

Yeah, cut sugar and cut almost all dairy except maybe plain yogurt, kefir, small amounts of butter. Add in veggies, start with whichever you like the best and keep increasing them and trying others. You don't have to do this drastically quick, slow and steady wins the race.

I don't think that many successful women are discounting men because they aren't as successful as them. This entire narrative is very limiting to women, and discouraging and just as limiting to men, all just to keep some insecurities alive. Society as a whole may confuse well-being with outward indicators of success but it has nothing to do with women being at fault for not "staying in their places." Yuck.

I'd start distance running (by this I mean running for 15-60 minutes at an even pace) or Wim Hof breathing and do that regularly. With running you will both slow and clarify your thinking, connect with your body, raise your mood and sensitivity levels, and increase endorphins but it happens very slowly and doesn't really even wear off. You feel clear, relaxed and amazing for several hours after. It takes some building up to getting used to running to get in the flow state fast and the first 5 to 10 minutes always are very often resistance-filled and you feel laggy until your body gets moving. But it doesn't take very long.

@Raptorsin7 Definitely not in my experience.

No, I'd say that only hurts the men who hold those limiting beliefs chances.

Ok, it's a hunger, and it's not important. Oh no, we've devolved further into romance and the 80's music. I'm powerless to stop this. Yes Eric, her boobs do look fantastic. Also fun fact most people forget, boobs make food. Eric Carmen is Cookie Monster. He's confused too. Nonduality. While I'm not paying attention watching cookie monster and boobs, the dog just ate the hot dogs. ?‍♀️ That's ironic. She plays the saxophone? What the fuck? Nice job focusing today Mandy! A++++ Aww, it's just a movie he's watching and he disappears at the end! Nice.

We are making macaroni and cheese, not going to the beach right now. I AM the BEACH just like in the Blake Shelton song. I am the WORTHY BEA-I-CH. Ok, BUT I didn't go to the beach today. But we went to all kinds of beautiful places on all kinds of beautiful days. Yes, but it's not enough. Ok, ok, I just want to go outside and look at the sky. Like the last time I was walking it was just like I lost myself in it. It's so beautiful, the clouds are always so unexpected, so breathtaking. Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's game On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn around and say Take my breath away Take my breath away Watchin', I keep waiting, still anticipating love Never hesitatin' to become the fated ones Turning and returning to some secret place to hide Watchin' in slow motion as you turn to me and say, my love Take my breath away Through the hourglass I saw you, in time you slipped away When the mirror crashed, I called you and turned to hear you say If only for today, I am unafraid Take my breath away Take my breath away Watchin' every motion in this foolish lover's game Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say Take my breath away My love, take my breath away My love, take my breath away My love My love, take my breath away pine (v.) Middle English pinen "cause to starve" (c. 1300), from Old English pinian "to torture, torment, afflict, cause to suffer," from *pīn (n.) "pain, torture, punishment," from a general Germanic word (compare Middle Dutch pinen, Old High German pinon, German Pein, Old Norse pina), all possibly ultimately from Latin poena "punishment, penalty" (see penal). If so, the Latin word probably came into Germanic with Christianity. The intransitive sense of "to languish, waste away, be consumed with grief or longing," the main modern meaning, is recorded from early 14c., via the Middle English intransitive senses of "endure penance, torment oneself; endure pain, suffer." Related: Pined; pining. Whoopsy daisy. pineal (adj.) 1680s, in reference to the gland in the brain, from French pinéal, literally "like a pine cone," from Latin pinea "pine cone," from pinus "pine tree" (see pine (n.)). I definitely get God, sex and nature all mixed up sometimes. Nonduality.

Alright so, is my FOMO from not being in nature a form of insecurity, or feeling not enough? Yup. But, but, but. How can something I LOVE...? Woah. My attention was just pulled to a flower jewelry piece right in front of me. My entire business is about being inside making things, "inspired by nature" Imagine if I used for my tagline, NOT INSPIRED BY SOME FAKE SHIT. Is LOVE enough for me, not to focus on the exclusion of it? Oh no, it's really not. Universe, you've got a high maintenance one here. LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR HER. I am not love in exclusion of anything else. I do not buy the ketchup I sort of want and walk away lamenting the other ketchups i did not select. Cause I don't give a FUCK about ketchup! But I do give a FUCK about some people and some beaches. What was I journaling about again? Oh right, I want to go to the beach.

What if the things you love seem to cause the most suffering because when you shine the light fully on something it makes the contrast around it seem more? It seems stupid but one of the ways I suffer the most is with getting outdoor time. I go back and forth, I exhaust myself making sure I make the most of every season, everyday, good weather. I neglect the laundry, the dishes, my business, everything and drag unwilling children to the beach. I think it's because it clears my mind so effortlessly. I love the focus of it, once I'm there, and at home it's like there a million things vying for my attention. But it feels like FOMO and there's this deep existential fear of being inside on a nice day. Sounds ridiculous! Maybe this has been happening for a while. I remember taking my SATS and losing all hope when they weren't over when they said they'd be on a Saturday on the first nice day of spring. I've created this sort of worship of nature and moving around in it. worship (n.) Old English worðscip, wurðscip (Anglian), weorðscipe (West Saxon) "condition of being worthy, dignity, glory, distinction, honor, renown," from weorð "worthy" (see worth) + -scipe (see -ship). Sense of "reverence paid to a supernatural or divine being" is first recorded c. 1300. The original sense is preserved in the title worshipful "honorable" (c. 1300). OHH!!! Worthy, worth ship. Am I just some fucking idiot, who never got these word connections before or do we all unconsciously go about using words? Language is a real bitch, like me. Oh. Nicely played. I'm loved very much by everyone mother fuckers! Says it right here. You better comply. Hubby calls me Demand-a. What am I journaling about? oh. I want to go to the beach. Wait, no, that wasn't quite it.

What do you truly want to do, what do you love, what are your passions?

You feel loved by another when you feel that someone is openly, without judgement, giving you their full attention. This awareness of ourselves with curiosity but without judgement is awareness of our own awareness. You find that you have no borders but that Awareness itself, like unconditional love, has no borders. Then "you" Know and appreciate everything to be your very Self.