mandyjw

"I apologize for being unapologetic." Says every woman ever. We should probably stop doing that though.

? Repression is nothing like "what people think" it is at all. In fact it's really based in just that, a care of what other people think, forgetting that fear of people's thoughts is one's own self-judgement, self shaming. Also intertwined with a strange sort of disconnection with what they really want or like. It could be putting on a show for someone, acting very sexual or putting on a show for someone that you aren't sexual depending on what you think people expect or want so you can feel ok and normal yourself. But there is not normal, the show is only for you, so that means if you're too focused on pleasing others at the expense of not listening to your own desires you aren't in touch with what you want. Sometimes repression is created when you authentically aren't interested in something but think you have to be to be cool or alright so you're repressing what you actually want in favor of what you think you should want. Or sometimes it's as you'd think, a denial of a desire. It's really the same thing.

Repression is nothing like "what people think" it is at all. In fact it's really based in just that, a care of what other people think, forgetting that fear of people's thoughts is one's own self-judgement, self shaming. Also intertwined with a strange sort of disconnection with what they really want or like. It could be putting on a show for someone, acting very sexual or putting on a show for someone that you aren't sexual depending on what you think people expect or want so you can feel ok and normal yourself. But there is no normal, the show is only for you, so that means if you're too focused on pleasing others at the expense of not listening to your own desires you aren't in touch with what you want. Sometimes repression is created when you authentically aren't interested in something but think you have to be to be cool or alright. Or sometimes it's as you'd think, a denial of a desire. Sometimes the desire evolves and we don't interpret it right but have to allow it before it can really be clarified. All desires eventually merge into the same source. All desire is a desire to feel. Actually, feel. A desire is itself a feeling for a feeling, so if you deny the desire, the thoughtform it takes, you deny the feeling as well. And if you indulge the desire, you deny the feeling. This makes it impossible to point to. Freedom of desire is the closest you can get. You can interpret it as freedom TO desire, or freedom from desire, but it means both, and neither.

Suffer BY comparison. OMG. I'm so dumb. Compared to who? "How did you know? It's what I've always wanted Could never have too many of these Will you quit kicking me under the table? I'm trying, will somebody make her shut up about it? Can we settle down, please? It's what... I think... Bite tongue, deep breaths It's what... I think..." What's this someday shit? I might just fall off the face of the Earth. I already live on the edge of it. The Earth doesn't have a face, I do. it's a nice story, isn't it? It's what I've always wanted. The desire had to be prior to the knowledge of it. And the knowledge of it, is the realization , the reality of it. What am I writing? What am I creating? I live in a fantasy land, will someone wake me up? I'm sleeping beauty, waiting for a Prince, and I can't find him because I am he. Fantasy isn't the problem I thought it would be. I thought I was cheating my own enlightenment. What's this someday shit? NO FUCKING WAY! Cabin on the ocean for $10 a night. Everything is working out for me. Where did the expression "no way" come from by the way? Where did the expression by the way come from, by the way? Way, road, or path. It's just along the road, by the way. No way.

I feel like Ren in that clip, and Ariel is my muse. I can't kiss her (write/create) because I'm afraid I'll suffer by comparison. Whose comparison, in comparison to what?

Oh. my. god. So much. How could you have the power to mesmerize and heal others but not yourself? Is there self/others? No. Awake people stick out like sore thumbs, not always in the best of ways. Are there awake people? Do things stick out/ exist on their own, or is what is meant by that Awareness of, attraction of, focus of? I notice it. Rapunzel. As soon as I went back to the cemetery the second time and found the grave I was looking for, everything seemed to flow, I started communicating with (appreciating) the place. I found a geocache accidently in the huge tree I was called towards immediately, and then the Rapunzel painted rock. It was almost as if I had been searching so long and suddenly, all of a sudden finding, finding, finding. Then MORE finding, finding, finding the rest of the day. There is ONLY finding, finding, finding. There is no search/find. Ask and it is given. Nothing is lost. Adopted by the evil stepmom, the princess is locked up because she is taken from her real birthright, she thinks herself to be a separate self. I do feel locked up. "FOMO creates FOMO. You're only missing out when you think of the possibility you COULD miss out, exactly because, you can't.

? Awesome! Laundry detergent is a big one in my opinion. I use the powdered Charlie's soap. Works great. The only thing with natural soaps is I find I have to use bleach to clean drains and the washer properly because they leave residues. It's worth the trouble though. I don't like Dr. Bronners only because I find it really coats and clogs drains after a while or lets stuff grow in there. Maybe it has to do with the chemistry of the water or something though. I do better with a shea butter bar soap. Toms of Maine toothpaste is a favorite, really easy to find too.

@Preety_India Thank you!

I read this on Marie Kondo's page. "With three young kids and busy schedules, eating as a family can be challenging – but it’s always rewarding. Before eating, we set an intention to enjoy the meal and express gratitude for the person who prepared it – and for the food itself." I guess that "FOR THE LAST TIME, come to the table and eat your mac n cheese you ungrateful little..." isn't quite the desired way to go about things. I always thought the solution to what I wanted was to work harder, or be more focused to force the external situation into place. Now I realize, it's completely an inner state that allows things to line up.

It's what. I think. Bites tongue. Deep breaths.

Find the feeling place of great and amazing rather than needing the results to feel like you're not flawed. The inspiration drives the project without need of motivation. Stop crapping all over what is essentially your own intuition that you don't want to settle for motivation. It doesn't work anyway. In-spiral-ation drives itself. Vortex of creation style.

Except there are no other mothers.

You're exactly where you should be then. "We dance round in a ring and suppose, But the Secret sits in the middle and knows." -Robert Frost Maybe it's not that you need to actually get anywhere but drop the sense that you're stuck, that you don't get it or have to get it.

He doesn't mean him-self, he is speaking of Self. You are not the self you are the Awareness prior to it. What is beyond life and death is Life. Exactly what I said above, unless you realize that the Self he was spoken of was the body identity, or separate self, you will miss what he is pointing to. Could also be interpreted like the "if you see buddha in the road kill him" thing. Same thing the pointer "you are God" points to. Only the possible misunderstanding or connotations of the pointer itself are more of a humble nature than an arrogant nature. ? In general who are You?

Heh, well "God" can't die and can't ever grow up either. You could say "God" like planet earth and is dancing around in a ring forever and ever and ever. Sounds like child's games to me. No one really grows up until they realize no one really grows up.

Uhmmmm... didn't you study Law of Attraction?

The habit of belief in outside influences (toxins) having a negative effect upon the self that believes itself to be confined to the body might be more likely to be the "problem" than the fluoride itself. Of course try out the natural toothpaste and see how you feel.

I've been thinking about homosexuality lately. Specifically the cliche magic of male homosexual, female heterosexual friendship because of the complete lack of distrust and tensions there. It's like it satisfies a polarity without the tension that says a polarity needs to be satisfied. However, minus the separate self, all friendships have this same potential or better. And also more importantly, the aspect of having pride for your partner and not ashamed because other people don't get your relationship. I think this applies to us all. I especially have tried to evaluate my relationship as if I'm an outsider looking in. What the hell? Essentially if we accept that other's don't accept, we take it to mean that there's something wrong with us. Finding myself thoroughly enjoying people for who they are more and more and it is strangely healing. complacent (adj.) 1650s, "pleasing," from Latin complacentem (nominative complacens) "very pleasing," present participle of complacere "be very pleasing" (see complacence). Meaning "pleased with oneself, self-satisfied" is from 1767. Sense of "civil, kindly, disposed to give pleasure" is from 1790. Related: Complacently. Oh dear Lord.

The color orange is a limitation, it reflects red and yellow and absorbs blue. All colors are inherent in white light yet white light is colorless, if lights are off, no orange. White light enters your pitch black pupil and, voila! Well anyway, that's all just a story, you are the light. If you go to a gallery and look at a painting you've never seen before, you stand as open awareness admiringly to this dance of white light, bouncing and absorbing. You are in your direct perception both knowing and unknowing. While color is limitation and separation of white light, the magic of it is only possible because there is no separation. To the artist these colors (limitations) are not limitations but freedom and joy. The bystander at the gallery looking at a painting by some long dead artist is also the Artist. If they were not, they could not see it. Voila! The reveal, the plot twist, the surprise, the seeing itself (that's what voila means in French, see!) are only possible thanks to knowing and unknowing essentially being the same white light. Light doesn't look like anything until itself, it's self illuminating but only perceivable when it falls on something for someone. Still always ever self illuminating, but with a twist.

Uhmm names of the dishes and recipes please?

@Nahm No kidding, I just remembered I left something in the toaster. Not feeling so hungry anymore though.

You're trying to figure out the relationship between sense of self and being happy. This relationship is profound, but only found in our direct experience of feeling. The self cannot have happiness. Happiness is not something anyone has or anyone can have or could have had, happiness is only now. The thought of happiness is different than the experience of happiness or even the Peace/Happiness behind that. The thought happiness is conflated and confused with things, events, circumstances. Having negative self worth, insecurity and positive self worth in the form of pride are two polarities of the same thought movement of the assumed separate self. The self can look back on itself and like what it sees and need thoughts about others to uphold that, or it may look at itself and not like what it sees and use thoughts of others to uphold that. In any case this is like doing a sprint with your head turned to look behind you the whole time.