mandyjw

You know how there are a bunch of movies that end with the monster being killed and the terror of it resolved, but then at the very end you see eggs hatching or some possibility of it returning somehow? Leaving the possibility of a sequel being open? You don't vanquish the monster, you realize that you are writing the script.

@Raptorsin7 Have you ever made the connection with resonating with and loving a subject and how well you remember it? The love for it holds your interest without effort. If it's something someone is making you learn or something you're making yourself learn to get something else it's a different story. Nothing compares with the unbroken intensity with which we focus on something than when we love it. Source, Awareness is unconditional Love, and so maybe you can see the connection here I'm trying to get you to make.

Can you do this and think about it? Can you make yourself do this? How is it possible to not do this? I'm not. The only credibility I care about is in how it feels. It's totally mad, batshit crazy. Makes no sense for no one.

Pfizer 1st dose, lots of arm pain, nothing else, wasn't a big deal 2nd dose. 24 hours of headache, fatigue and fever that set in the night after having the shot. Wasn't really that bad, nothing like an actual flu but I couldn't function normally. After, that felt great.

@Esilda ❤?

@Raptorsin7 More fun videos. More walking in nature. More fun conversations with people you like. More appreciating how the sky looks. More appreciating anything, anywhere. More exploring stuff like Wim Hoff cold water or breathwork, only if you're inspired to it. More doing what you enjoy. More noticing when you're feeling great. There's no instructions on how to. You get to create it, it's that damn good! Tap into inspiration and go. You didn't want a how to manual! You wanted this to be a unique journey, just for YOU. And so it is.

Ok, so what you're doing is you're checking on yourself too often. You're like a kid who makes popsicles. He pours orange juice into the popsicle mold and carefully places them in the shelf on the freezer door. He reeeeeally wants a popsicle. He twiddles his thumbs, sighs, waits 5 minutes and then he can't take it anymore. He runs to the freezer, throws the door open the unfrozen popsicles spill out all over the floor. Back to step one. This checking on myself, "do I feel good, no I feel like shit, god DAMN!" is not, NOT, NOT awareness of how I feel. It's not feeling. It's thinking about how I feel. You are coopting awareness with this checking. The popsicles will freeze, let them be. You won't truly forget them, but focus on something else that feels good in the meantime. What's so bad about feeling baseline anyway? What does feeling itself say about that? Not your thoughts about it. Why are you giving more weight to the feeling after you stopped watching the video than the wave of good feeling, right now? Why? Hmm..?

Find something satisfying to focus on and therefore stop focusing on the dissatisfaction. It doesn't have to be something big, pick something small. Find a favorite web comic, watch some hilarious YouTube video you haven't seen in 5 years, listen to a song you love, etc.

@Raptorsin7 Where you're at is saying, "this isn't good enough, this isn't good enough" so this isn't good enough. Ever been to the peak of a very tall mountain? It's pretty fucking miserable up there. Cold, windy, no oxygen. The best part is looking out over from above at everywhere you were. It's spectacular because it's a unique vantage point. You don't have to be at the peak to change your vantage point.

It's sort of like the ego and the super ego. You telling yourself you're not doing well enough, not good enough, not measuring up, that you're selfish, etc. Negative self talk. There aren't two of you. But you sort of think like there there are, one who is flawed and one who is perfect.

That's hysterical and actually also really fucking profound. You try so hard to be good, not realizing you already are.

It's not a transaction. I give up now, I get later. You could say that in the sense that is IS transactional, I find a piece of driftwood, am inspired by the shape of it, spend my time painting something I love on it as per my vision and inspiration, and enjoy it for years to come. Win, win, win, win. There's an investment bringing the idea to fruition, but the entire process is enjoyable. You're going about enlightenment with the desperation of someone in prison, trying desperately to make some sort of deal to get out. Just realize, you're not in prison, you're already on the beach. Relax. When something really inspires of strikes you ride that wave. It comes in the smallest most insignificant ways at first, like driftwood. You might call it distraction. There's no distractions that feel good, you the journey of your highest dreams, feeling good. When we start to realize and appreciate those little things, it snowballs, grows and grows and grows and blows your f-ing mind. Turns out significant and insignificant was just some sort of mind made BS anyway.

Probably a weird suggestion, but I find fantasy and stories to be helpful and healing with this sort of thing. Not necessarily that you go out and read a bunch of novels and watch a bunch of movies but contemplate them and revisit ones you've loved and why. Fear is a huge component of many stories, and the author creates it. They feel the fear, but they also don't because they are creating the fear, so it's a charge. It's the same for the reader or viewer of the story. You forget that the monster is on the screen, you forget that you wrote him in this epic drama for a purpose within the story, and yet no purpose, just creative entertainment. You are the author and the watcher, and all the characters, and none of it. You are so intimate with it, you are completely removed from it as a threat. You can basically hack your understanding of and experience of fear to realize that underneath it, behind it, there's something really really good.

You already don't have memories, memories are recalled depending on your emotional state now. You can also go along with where your emotional state is stuck on a memory, and recall something that drags you down. You are like a doorway and how you feel is an indicator of the clarity with which you are thinking whether you are recalling or looking at something. The reason you are interested in clearing negative emotions from memories is that you want to feel better now. You can go straight to doing that, and that is the direct way. Pay attention to how you feel over the content of the thoughts. If a memory needs to be cleared or seen in a different light, your desire to feel love and be connected with Source will make it all come about. You might wake up in the middle of the night with an intense power flowing through you and write out past traumas, laughing and crying and loving it all. The point is you don't have to proactively do it. The intention to feel good is enough. Source is just that damn good. Here's a good analogy. You live thinking you have memories, thinking you are a character in a novel. Actually you're the author, and so you love all the negative situations, you created them, even though you still adore your character, you realize that you created them all, and the entire plot. So when we tap into the creative Love of the author, we see the grand scheme of things, and more importantly the underlying love behind everything.

Not necessarily. Old beat up trucks have their charm. Jack it up, add tough tires, screw with the exhaust system to make it really loud. Take it mudding. Rev it up really loud when you drive by girls.

I'd like to make myself into a problem. problem (n.) late 14c., probleme, "a difficult question proposed for discussion or solution; a riddle; a scientific topic for investigation," from Old French problème (14c.) and directly from Latin problema, from Greek problēma "a task, that which is proposed, a question;" also "anything projecting, headland, promontory; fence, barrier;" also "a problem in geometry," literally "thing put forward," from proballein "propose," from pro "forward" (from PIE root *per- (1) "forward") + ballein "to throw" (from PIE root *gwele- "to throw, reach"). I'm hurtling through space they say, but since the earth is going with me I don't even notice. A problem is something we throw out. Was I thrown out? Am I a piece of garbage? "It's better to be the trash than the maggots." That was an early piece of wisdom I was given. Turns out you're both. The earth is the trash and we're the maggots, hurting through space, we're all being thrown out. But since we come right round to where we started, we don't go anywhere. I'd like to be poetic, but my creative streak seems to be a bit more vulgar and immature at times. Oh well. As I was saying, I'm a problem and a piece of trash, an offering, a holy sacrifice. Nothing is lost. No one cares. I couldn't have set this up better if I had been there before in order to set it up. Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe I painted the stage scenery, or maybe I'm doing it on the fly. Maggots turn to flies. Maybe the entire play is about a girl who is painting the scenery and writing the script. But this is it. This is the final performance, and the rough draft. Is there an audience? It's just for you. I play off their energy. It's YOUR energy. Yeah. You just tell me these things sometimes. You ghost of the theatre, you. Are you the audience? Maybe you're the only audience I care about. I split myself. Trash and maggots. When you split an atom's center, it becomes atomic. When I decorate my house, I find something I really love, and I'm like ooo ahhh. And then I get so used to it, I don't notice it anymore. Don't appreciate it as much. It's disposable. So am I. disposable (adj.) 1640s, "that may be done without;" see dispose + -able. Sense of "free to be used as the occasion may require, available" is from 1650s. I am a thought, and my thoughts are disposable. And this, THIS, oohhhhhhhhh..... THIS is the most beautiful thing I have ever discovered. Except for this salt lamp. Really like that thing.

City boys had to create their own pick up theory. So complicated. In the country, it's just all about literally improving your pick up truck.

Follow your intuition, do as you like. theory (n.) 1590s, "conception, mental scheme," from Late Latin theoria (Jerome), from Greek theōria "contemplation, speculation; a looking at, viewing; a sight, show, spectacle, things looked at," from theōrein "to consider, speculate, look at," from theōros "spectator," from thea "a view" (see theater) + horan "to see," which is possibly from PIE root *wer- (3) "to perceive." Sit back and enjoy the show.

*Insert Napoleon Dynamite sigh*

Well, I used to believe in God and the Devil and then I found Leo's videos and he was the one who finally convinced me, there is no God. God is so funny.

So you're born again then?

Crystals, rocks. I wouldn't survive without the right minerals. Am I minerals, water, am I a body? Am I? What is surviving actually?

Sorry if I'm projecting, (it's more fun to project on Leo than a rock) but you make survival sound so dirty and wrong and shameful and sinful all the time. You talk about it just like the Bible talks about "the flesh" and transcending the flesh. I've done stuff that seemed totally to fly in the face of survival, told people the truth, gone into a career that didn't have a high chance of paying off, etc. I've found that when I follow joy, inspiration and love, it's a much better form of "survival" than doing what I logically think will be best for survival. Not that I don't consider that as well. However, ultimately the Universe got my back. People die of preventable disease from chronic stress from trying to survive, trying to figure everything out and get ahead of next guy. There is a transcendent grace in survival, when it's done aligned with Love. Survival works best when we fly in the face of it and go for Love rather than what we think is gonna work out for us.

Delving into relationships and letting go of them turns out to be the same.

Your world will reflect your beliefs back to you. If I spend two hours researching Toyotas, all I will see for the next week are Toyotas everywhere I go. Are there more Toyotas than there were before? No. Are there still just as many Fords, and Chevies and Dodge, etc? Yep. But I'm not seeing them. It's not about validation or invalidation. If you knew that what you see is what you believe and focus on reflected back to you, why on each would you keep believing things that feel AWFUL?