mandyjw

I'm not all right, and I don't care. I'm so enjoying my flaws. flaw (n.) early 14c., "a flake" (of snow), also in Middle English "a spark of fire; a splinter," from Old Norse flaga "stone slab, layer of stone" (see flag (n.2)), perhaps used here in an extended sense. Old English had floh stanes, but the Middle English form suggests a Scandinavian origin. "The close resemblance in sense between flaw and flake is noteworthy" [OED]. Sense of "defect, fault" first recorded 1580s, first of character, later (c. 1600) of material things; probably via notion of a "fragment" broken off. Well then. doom 666/tcp #Doom Id Software doom 666/udp #Doom Id Software This is an Easter egg programmed into all Windows software. Windows. soft ware ware (n.) "manufactured goods, goods for sale," Old English waru "article of merchandise," also "protection, guard," hence probably originally "object of care, that which is kept in custody," from Proto-Germanic *waro (source also of Swedish vara, Danish vare, Old Frisian were, Middle Dutch were, Dutch waar, Middle High German, German ware "goods"), from PIE root *wer- (3) "perceive, watch out for." Woah... that's the story right there. The birth of the materialist paradigm is the birth of fear and the notion of loss. https://www.etymonline.com/word/*wer- Crazy. All write. I'm not all write. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_secret My son INSISTS I post his directions to find the 666 Windows Easter egg. First go to file explorer, This PC, C:, Windows, Find System32, Find drivers and software. Next you just click on notepad and press ok. Finally just find it (they are sort by numbers so just find 666) and you're done!

Work and need go together and feed one another endlessly, but freedom and love are the True Infinity. You get nothing Zero.

@Consilience Awesome! You don't need either psychedelics or meditation since you made them up for your own benefit. Nice to have though.

You think genetics are your code, that they were there before you, or combined to make you, like the air, earth and water was there before you, and combined to make you. But you make it so, it is after YOU that these things ARE. Your body is not aware. YOU are aware of it. If you were to create a story about how you had great or limiting genetics, you'd be the Author of that story. You are the Author of success and failure, beyond them both. Already. You cannot lose.

Some things were left exposed and vulnerable. The very source of the hormones of all the aggression is the most vulnerable. OMG, how funny and ironic.

So all attraction is is an aspect borrowed from... "God", oh fuck it, we'll call it God. So as great as Source (sorry, couldn't do it) really is, you are an expression of it, romance and attraction is just an expression of it, borrowed from it. So female attraction, has an aspect of devotion and surrender and vulnerability. The Awe of God, the awe of standing outside in a thunder and lightning storm, vulnerable and yet directly witnessing the beauty and power of such a thing, feeling the pouring rain on your bare skin... Male or female we all have that vulnerability, when you lose yourself to it, give yourself to it completely it's sexy, (no that's borrowing). It's enlightening. It's love itself. I myself, the Light, afraid of a bolt of lighting? How funny. It is out of insecurity and need that we (or men) force. We never use force from a place of anything but twisted vulnerability. Female sexuality is pure vulnerability. Misused male (or female) power is vulnerability. You may beg, borrow and steal, but you'd only be stealing from yourself.

@Zeroguy I don't, I found it funny, much like my favorite shakeweight guru. He says "keep the shakeweight away from your face" which I find very insightful. Same insight as in my "live" riddle.

It's just that ONE shakeweight guy, ok? I said don't read into it.

Live looked in the mirror. At first she liked what she saw, four letters together, all of them very nice looking and well formed. Then she noticed something that turned her stomach, "Oh no, I'm evil!" She said. Don't read into things so much.

poke

True. But I know of many young men who have died in really stupid accidents, having nothing to do with women. ATV's, work related, often in trying to provide for a woman, or prove something for a woman, or to others. If someone finds a young woman lurking around their property, their alarm bells are probably not going to go off. They might even fear for the woman's well being. If they see a young man lurking around they just go out with a gun or call the cops. Being perceived as a threat is itself an enormous threat. You also are more likely to receive emotional support and trust from your community. Bahahahahaha! Like... DAMN.

Lucifer and Michael?

I really don't think it's all it's cracked up to be. I mean, men have frontal lobes that don't mature until later in their 20's, they are more prone to aggression, and receive a much lower tolerance and compassion level from society for certain behaviors. There is a balance, just not if you zero in on certain circumstances.

What about birds, plants, flowers and butterflies? You can squash them all without exerting any effort. Must be awful, living like some sort of Godzilla monster with that much power. How do you live with yourself?

No, it's called an ice cream headache.

I walked down where the setting of my book is for details, specifics and inspiration. I had to have my husband drop me off and pick me up, so I was left down there alone. Then he took too long to get me, so it was like get into the vortex, reeeally in the vortex then drag out of it slowly when you realize it's getting dark and you're at the end of the earth. It's so quiet down there. It really is crazy how we see the world. I'd like to credit places and people for my happiness, for magic, for wonder. I'm still just shaking that lie away. I'd like to strip it off, effortlessly, sexily, but instead I'm hoping along on one foot awkwardly, trying to pull the last sock off the other foot without falling over, and it's stuck. Where do these analogies come from? ? I cannot believe that I believed it so long. Oh right. I didn't. Lie ability. You're such a liability. I'm a liability. liable (adj.) mid-15c., "bound or obliged by law," probably from Anglo-French *liable, from Old French lier "to bind, tie up, fasten, tether; bind by obligation" (12c.), from Latin ligare "to bind, to tie" (from PIE root *leig- "to tie, bind"). With -able. Perhaps from an unattested word in Old French or Medieval Latin. General sense of "exposed to" (something undesirable) is from 1590s. Ok. I feel disillusioned. I came to this stripper show... wait I AM the stripper. And no one is watching. Before I went into the town office and had the interaction with the man, I drove by his house and he had put a flag cover design on his mailbox. It struck me and made me feel a certain nostalgia or something. Then, the interaction. I didn't make the connection until after. Last night, the looking into organ transplants and investigating the body identification through that, that his conversation about his son brought up. I remember when I first got my license I was so creeped out by organ donation I checked the box "no". Then I felt so awful about it, I changed it when I got married. My mom said not to worry, if I got in an accident, it's really too rural here for them to save my organs anyway. That actually made me feel better. JESUS CHRIST, how fucked up is the mind? It's hysterical. No one can talk about cellular memory and organ transplant because of the liability. And donation really is a beautiful thing. But it takes transcending body and mind identification to grok what's actually occurring. And anyway, it isn't. This is Source, I'll build you up, up and up and up, tower of Babble style, till you're on the edge of your seat in fascinated horror, then I'll bring you back down, so far down you fall out of your chair and roll on the floor in laughter. It really is like there's no point at which we die, and we are not the body or personality and yet, that's all we were as separate beings. My cousin put this (tasteless) photo thing on Facebook and it merges the collection of photos as it flips them, so the face you focus on morphs into the next. So I watched her face morph into her daughters which isn't much a stretch. Then it morphs into my dead Grandmother which is like (oh HOLY FUCK) and then it morphs back into her daughter, and then into her boyfriend (who creeps me out). It's a trip. At no point does one person really become another. At no point does one person really become. How have I made $830 in the last 7 days and I haven't done a fuck sakes thing? Oh right, I don't get paid when I work, I get paid God knows when. At no point does a person really become. Ugh. I'm not happy with any of my music tonight, what gives? What gives? horror (n.) early 14c., "feeling of disgust;" late 14c., "emotion of horror or dread," also "thing which excites horror," from Old French horror (12c., Modern French horreur) and directly from Latin horror "dread, veneration, religious awe," a figurative use, literally "a shaking, trembling (as with cold or fear), shudder, chill," from horrere "to bristle with fear, shudder," from PIE root *ghers- "to bristle" (source also of Sanskrit harsate "bristles," Avestan zarshayamna- "ruffling one's feathers," Latin eris (genitive) "hedgehog," Welsh garw "rough"). Also formerly in English "a shivering," especially as a symptom of disease or in reaction to a sour or bitter taste (1530s); "erection of the hairs on the skin" (1650s); "a ruffling as of water surface" (1630s).

Are you expecting a positive outcome from having no expectations? You already just don't have expectations. You didn't make them in the past. If one pops up, along with a feeling of disappointment it's just a thought to let go of now.

The thought or ideal of the present moment can be used to seem to exclude what can never be excluded. "Highest consciousness" infers exclusion as well. "Know what is in front of your face, and what is hidden from you will be disclosed to you. For there is nothing hidden that won't be revealed." - Jesus

How do I make a story come to life? I kill it, and I revive it. I don't mean to kill it, it just doesn't get my attention because other things do. Ok, so the setting of my story makes my story. There's this house that used to be here, down a very lonely road. I've never seen a piece of property like this. It's so peaceful, on the river or ocean, whatever it is, water. I'm thrilled with the realization that I can kill the story I thought was real and revive it, the story of my life or whatever shit I think that comprises in the moment. But I'm disappointed that I can do with my novel. Silly, what did I expect? I'd be in big trouble if I couldn't step out of my own creativity, wouldn't I? God, are you laughing at me? Oh right, I'm imagining that. I can't see your face and live, just like my own. The author of your face jokes and I ask if you're laughing at me. Sigh.... Of course you are. Anyway, I'm really sort of beating up on myself that I'm not in the zone, totally writing this book. It's come so far in the past couple months but I feel like I have to get away from everything else to write on it, and I experience such up and downs. Remote learning, JESUS CHRIST. Kids are another example. I so wanted/want them, I so love them, but HOLY OL FUCK, sometimes I think this was all a really bad idea. I think we 5 minutes later after dealing with a tantrum and kid sent to her room. There's a nihilistic perspective that life in general was a bad idea. It was a bad idea to be born, life is suffering, etc. I think with the subject of parenthood this misinterpretation still has some stick to it. It's like when someone spills something sticky on the floor and you mop the floor but your feet still stick and you have to go back over it again. See, I wouldn't have that analogy if I hadn't had kids. Last night was one of those sleeps where I was thinking these amazing insightful (seeming things) and I thought about the scarecrow I wanted to put up and how it would be hard not to build it and not put it on a cross like frame, and how it might accidently look like Jesus on the cross. And I thought of the wizard of oz and the scarecrow and the lion and the tin man. And this song again. Ok, this article brought it back, what today seemed like a stretch really isn't. They are to scare. https://modernfarmer.com/2014/05/scarecrow-history-effigy/ Our body identification. Alright. So ever since the incident with the man in the town office, I've been avoiding this subject. Organ donation always creeped me out. https://www.amazon.com/Change-Heart-Claire-Sylvia/dp/0446604690/ref=sr_1_3?crid=29USNM57Q5ZEN&dchild=1&keywords=a+change+of+heart+claire+sylvia&qid=1633131353&sprefix=a+change+of+heart+claire+%2Caps%2C183&sr=8-3 Close to home. Jesus Christ! Why is it always so close to home? Your book. Source. You brought me right round. Jesus Christ. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/my-heart-belongs-to-tim-1257635.html https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna23984857 Do you realize how FUCKING CREATIVE YOU ARE? Who are you talking to? Of course, there is no death. Shit. "How do I make a story come to life? I kill it, and I revive it. I don't mean to kill it, it just doesn't get my attention because other things do. " I am creepy. I am creepier and more nonsensical than Salad Fingers, creepier than anything. I am the author of creepy. Creep From c. 1300 as "move secretly or to evade detection,"

Feel good philosophy can lead to an avoidance of feeling, and more pushing against feeling bad because feeling good is the ideal. All sorts of emotions we think are horrible actually feel amazing to express, but we are looking back at ourselves to judge how we feel, not actually feeling. If feeling is good itself, then that has pretty shocking ramifications to what we thought it was all about, and what we thought feeling... good was all about. But denying that you want to feel good is a repression itself. It's like someone who sets their expectations for results or how they want to feel low because they dislike disappointment. Then we're trying to control the situation and avoid how we don't want to feel rather than actually feeling.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself for now, everything will work out in time. Love is never lost. We can connect with those that have transitioned only when we love, but if we look only at what is lost we cannot see. Love is the only reality here. Look for her where she is, not where she is suddenly not. And give yourself time, it's a shock. Sending you big hugs, love and light.

It's easier to focus on what you want to do instead of trying to ban ourselves from some old pattern. Berating ourselves for not being good enough is the same dynamic out of which the desire to gossip about others is born. We criticize ourselves and hold ourselves to standards so others must be held to them too. And when they don't! Oh no! Truly appreciating people and the curiosity of understanding yourself in and as them starts taking over the old patterns. People are really beautiful. Even when they aren't. If this was a novel and you were the author, not just another character, how would you see them? Actually change how you think about people, including yourself. Gossip is a weed best gotten by the roots.

That cat looks camera shy. I want to see his face. Sanity is meant to mean "soundness of mind". Ok. What does soundness actually mean? "the quality of being sensible; the fact that something can be relied on and will probably give good results" So we know it's over rated, we can make ourselves insane trying to be sane so we can rely on ourselves, but there something we all want out of that definition, right? What are you feeling that you're missing... that you've lost? What does this convey to you about what you want? Write down everything you want. Financial stability? Stable relationships? More time with your cat? Write it all down.

We get super wrapped up in projections of suffering. Sometimes I worry that by sharing some of my more emotional shit flying around posts, that people will think I'm suffering, and then I suffer! Oh boy. Thought, you're such a bad mother fucker! I do love me the bad boys though. And the good ones. I like to corrupt the good ones. Girls too. Ok, that's enough. What will people think? Who am I talking about? Who knows! Anyway... The thing is when you're releasing, it can look awful, but it feels amazing. Suffering is and always was strangely different from what we think it is. From the outside, what looks like extreme suffering is sometimes rapturous relief. Anger, crying, grief, realization. Then someone who looks fine can be in utter despair. Then our own minds filter things wrongly if we misunderstand. "I cried because I'm fragile." "I was angry because I can't control myself, I'm bad." During a massage I had a memory pop up about being sick and trying not to throw up in front of people in school. There was no suffering like that, that runs so deep as feeling like you're going to throw up or crap yourself in front of others. Hold it in. Hold it in. HOLD IT IN. Phew. Funny, phew and PU or pew, as in an exclamation that something stinks is so similar. You smell bad! Go home! Phoebe was right. It's not your fault smelly cat. It's not your fault. What are they feeding you? WHO KNEW THERE WAS SUCH WISDOM IN THAT? OH MY GOD.