mandyjw

"The war of the rebellion freed the slaves." Like you said, life is a can of worms and then you die.

I read this book about a clairvoyant doctor who lived near my house, and I had asked my Grandmother where his house was, and I assumed that they had bulldozed over it. But I thought it was in the wrong spot and I saw some pictures of it online. All the foundations are still there, even his old apple tree is still alive. When I went there I was really afraid, I was trespassing, I was afraid I would run into someone, or fall into an old well or who knows. I put my hands on the stones of the old foundation and quieted my mind and asked for an insight. It felt really childish, like I could ask for an insight from an old rock that was part of someone's house. But I got this really strong message that I could not receive insights in a state of fear and I needed to do what I had to do to lessen the fear. I went back and got the second sight that I needed to believe that I had a right to be there. The third time I got the insight that all I had of value to give was love when I was caught in pride. I've been working with fear ever since, the coffee was a small part of it. I walked back to the place at night in the moonlight a while ago, I was quite scared and that stepped up the game quite a bit.

@Rilles

I just had this thought while I was out running, the biggest point of conflict I see between liberals and conservatives is the difference with how they look at work and work ethic. Conservatives have a high work ethic as their highest value while liberals are more about working intelligently and enjoying life outside of work. Conservatives want to be free to enjoy the fruits of their labor without taxation of being dragged down by those who do not have a high work ethic. Liberals want to enjoy freedom without being enslaved to work. So I guess in the end the disagreement is not really about work but what their idea of freedom is. Personally I've found finding a balance between the two to be one of the biggest challenges of my life. It seems like it should be a really simple thing but it goes deep spiritually and existentially.

I'm sorry, that sounds incredibly stressful. Is there a space that you can rent to use in the meantime? Remember that solutions don't come from focusing on what we don't want or don't like. Try to find something that brings you joy in your life, call an old friend, watch a stupid funny movie. Sometimes solutions come to us if we can just get out of the state of NEEDING things to be fixed.

To make rice tastier you can use butter (I like grassfed), olive oil, any kinds of herbs and spices, soy sauce, mix in veggies, olives.

The negativity is the shield, you can test out how strong it is. In doing so you'll probably find out a lot about how easily triggered you are by negativity. You could jump right in and tell him that you thought his Facebook profile picture was very eloquent and meaningful to you and talk to him about enlightenment and the real and profound reason that we want to cease to exist on some level.

@Preetom It's an apple blossom. See what I did there? If God wants me to do psychedelics, She'll put them in my path. I have enough of my own natural crazy to integrate for now.

Permanently crazy, not drunk. I'm straight-edge, although this peaked my interest in psychedelics, I'm not sure if they are for me.

For me there was a lot of physical pain then it felt like a space opened in the middle of my forehead. I continue to feel an odd sensation there, stronger at times. I see signs, and I understand religious texts and the meanings of songs as if they were all meant for me. I am very capable of deep flow states but also highly distracted. The sense that my life every really happened is completely gone, my sense of time is warped, I feel like I'm completely crazy. Ego is still there, my selfish agenda is still there, the potential for depression and nihilism is still there. It's not what I thought it would be. I would not call it enlightenment but it is a permanent awakening of a sort, to what end I don't know.

There's only ever one desire.

I quit after getting an insight, my very first insight that lead to a series of them that lead to an awakening. Coffee was fueling my fear and anxiety though, I'm really sensitive to it. I'm ok with green tea.

@tsuki Good. As a follower of Mr. Money Mustache, the cheapest of the cheap, I say to you that you are too cheap. Can't wait to hear your thoughts.

@tsuki My head is too empty right now, and I lost my phone momentarily, but I'll try to get a little more ground and understanding later for you. You (I) have to remember the map is not the territory.

This was written by Charles Manson. I mean COME ON REALITY WHAT THE FUCK. It was originally titled "Cease To Exist". Then my brain was like, "ooooh Mandy, that was really creepy, why don't you google the Dyatlov Pass incident again, knowing what you know now.

I think you're probably right about it being in the 700's. You're around the Osho range, that's why you love him so much.

I will say that the Jesus revival seemed like the 800's and my religion from childhood may have primed to to fly through that stage. BUT it also could have been my trying to repress the strengthened ego and newfound devilry of the 600's. I didn't fully want to see the shadow for what it was. That awakening opened Pandora's box. Can you imagine if that had happened in a spiritual community with a leader who was not 100% honest? BAD things. Also, the night before last I went to entertaining the worst kinds of thoughts, Charlie Manson was around 600 LOC.

@tsuki No. I thought I did but I don't know anymore and I also do NOT want to overestimate it. I even suspect the author for overestimating his. I should probably just finish the book, I don't think I read it at all yesterday after being totally lost in it before.

I don't have daycare today but I might shoot one anyway, I know I've been neglecting my videos. I haven't even been able to think of a topic. I don't even know how to describe what's been going on with me. The first part of the book explained all the mysteries of the universe and then I realized fully that I didn't know a single thing.

I just watched your video, it seems connecting the heart and head means that you are ultimately present, but it's an incredibly valuable way to think of it. This is a big insight for me as well and what you said ties in well with something someone said to me much earlier. I'm hoping it's the key I need to deal with some shadow issues.

I think we all learn from each other here whether we want to or not. We all mirror each other, and we are all one and we are all supposed to be somewhat conscious of that fact so it's quite powerful. No one's path is the same, yet the path is One. Praise Jesus. @Leo Gura Could a Christian revival have been a stage from the LOC 800's or am I deluding myself by using it to cover up and avoid my newly discovered devilry.

It happened that way for me. Again and again and again I had to throw it away and let it come back to me. I still do. The secret is that you have to focus on what you have, not what you don't have in order to get what you want.

You have to be willing to throw everything away, including the desire to awaken.

@Nahm Ok, maybe judgement is a better word than experience. What is power about other than avoiding pain and vulnerability?

But Leo, enlightenment is effortless. Also enlightenment is your relationships. All of them. If that's not an inconvenient truth, I don't know what is. I think that women have higher sex drives than people think, it's just that they have a LOT more reasons to repress them. In my experience women are just as capable of breaking hearts and whoring around as men are. “Everything in human life is really about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.” Oscar Wilde Women prey on men for power and selfish reasons just like men prey on women. In that game there is always an element of power, a judgement of attraction or value. Power is not just a man's game. Women just play by different more trickier rules.