mandyjw

I am the Body of Christ. See, you have to pressure yourself into being perfect, I'm allowed to be a sinner because I already forgave myself for all that past and future stuff.

@Nahm Is that what you meant by your note that you wrote for yourself? "There's no reincarnation"

That's a half truth.

18 Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” 19 And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. 20 But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”

Well then, sounds like a nice convenient way to skip over your shadow work. Jon and I were lab partners before we started dating and we had to draw some crystals. We were each supposed to do our own page, I made some pretty drawings and he took mine and handed them in with his analysis so I had to wait until they came back to hand in mind, very late. I was really disappointed that he would do that to me. Somehow this is reminding me of that experience.

Humility is the Devil's trick, but the mistake is in thinking that the Devil has a last trick.

I have a theory that certain repeating dreams of places and strong inexplicable feelings that come up when you see certain things are parts of past life memories. I have a handful that go back from my childhood but it can be hard to sort out early childhood experiences from past memories. For me it's a certain kind of antique chair, a really old clock and a memory/repeating dream vision of a meadow. It's also possible that you can tie into other people's thoughts and memories, dead or alive as you become more awake. I don't think it's necessary or helpful to personalize very much, "this was MY past life!", those kinds of thoughts. If we are all one and there's no time, what's the point? It becomes the same kind of thing as identifying yourself by what hair or eye color you have, it's just another identification with self.

AHHHHHH!!! What is happening? Your latest video did not embody an egoless state AT all.

If you are a parent here check out Shefali Tsabary, she is SO good! Letting the ego extend to your children can be a really big trap in parenting. It's easy to define yourself or your worth by how you are doing as a parent. That's why some parents demand that their kids get a college education and we place all kinds of unconscious expectations on our kids. I think that God gives you what you need to awaken, and if you have kids they will be the very ones designed to test you for all you are worth. I was extremely shy, easily embarrassed and hated to draw attention to myself. So God gave me an autistic son that can be a really sweet normal kid, but at the Christmas concert, or in public when he becomes unregulated God ONLY knows what he will do. There are only so many times that you feel like you are going to curl up and die of embarrassment before you realize it's not quite as bad as you initially thought.

@Natasha Thank you!

I am not excited, sometimes your encouragement is very alienating. Why not just say fuck it and enjoy the few true things there are in life, like nature and what connection and love there is left with other people without trying to throw everything away in pursuit of an illusionary attainment all the time. This place feels like the smart kids lunch table senior year in highschool, everyone talking about attainments and all the hard work they are doing to get them for the purpose of some future goal. Maybe I'm happy being the spiritual janitor or the lunch lady.

"The war of the rebellion freed the slaves." Like you said, life is a can of worms and then you die.

I read this book about a clairvoyant doctor who lived near my house, and I had asked my Grandmother where his house was, and I assumed that they had bulldozed over it. But I thought it was in the wrong spot and I saw some pictures of it online. All the foundations are still there, even his old apple tree is still alive. When I went there I was really afraid, I was trespassing, I was afraid I would run into someone, or fall into an old well or who knows. I put my hands on the stones of the old foundation and quieted my mind and asked for an insight. It felt really childish, like I could ask for an insight from an old rock that was part of someone's house. But I got this really strong message that I could not receive insights in a state of fear and I needed to do what I had to do to lessen the fear. I went back and got the second sight that I needed to believe that I had a right to be there. The third time I got the insight that all I had of value to give was love when I was caught in pride. I've been working with fear ever since, the coffee was a small part of it. I walked back to the place at night in the moonlight a while ago, I was quite scared and that stepped up the game quite a bit.

@Rilles

I just had this thought while I was out running, the biggest point of conflict I see between liberals and conservatives is the difference with how they look at work and work ethic. Conservatives have a high work ethic as their highest value while liberals are more about working intelligently and enjoying life outside of work. Conservatives want to be free to enjoy the fruits of their labor without taxation of being dragged down by those who do not have a high work ethic. Liberals want to enjoy freedom without being enslaved to work. So I guess in the end the disagreement is not really about work but what their idea of freedom is. Personally I've found finding a balance between the two to be one of the biggest challenges of my life. It seems like it should be a really simple thing but it goes deep spiritually and existentially.

I'm sorry, that sounds incredibly stressful. Is there a space that you can rent to use in the meantime? Remember that solutions don't come from focusing on what we don't want or don't like. Try to find something that brings you joy in your life, call an old friend, watch a stupid funny movie. Sometimes solutions come to us if we can just get out of the state of NEEDING things to be fixed.

To make rice tastier you can use butter (I like grassfed), olive oil, any kinds of herbs and spices, soy sauce, mix in veggies, olives.

The negativity is the shield, you can test out how strong it is. In doing so you'll probably find out a lot about how easily triggered you are by negativity. You could jump right in and tell him that you thought his Facebook profile picture was very eloquent and meaningful to you and talk to him about enlightenment and the real and profound reason that we want to cease to exist on some level.

@Preetom It's an apple blossom. See what I did there? If God wants me to do psychedelics, She'll put them in my path. I have enough of my own natural crazy to integrate for now.

Permanently crazy, not drunk. I'm straight-edge, although this peaked my interest in psychedelics, I'm not sure if they are for me.

For me there was a lot of physical pain then it felt like a space opened in the middle of my forehead. I continue to feel an odd sensation there, stronger at times. I see signs, and I understand religious texts and the meanings of songs as if they were all meant for me. I am very capable of deep flow states but also highly distracted. The sense that my life every really happened is completely gone, my sense of time is warped, I feel like I'm completely crazy. Ego is still there, my selfish agenda is still there, the potential for depression and nihilism is still there. It's not what I thought it would be. I would not call it enlightenment but it is a permanent awakening of a sort, to what end I don't know.

There's only ever one desire.

I quit after getting an insight, my very first insight that lead to a series of them that lead to an awakening. Coffee was fueling my fear and anxiety though, I'm really sensitive to it. I'm ok with green tea.

@tsuki Good. As a follower of Mr. Money Mustache, the cheapest of the cheap, I say to you that you are too cheap. Can't wait to hear your thoughts.

@tsuki My head is too empty right now, and I lost my phone momentarily, but I'll try to get a little more ground and understanding later for you. You (I) have to remember the map is not the territory.