mandyjw

I love it. I also think there's some interesting poison and hallucinogenic plants in among the beautiful flowers and nutritious vegetables in life's garden.

@Emerald No one can actually shame anyone else because shame is a feeling. It's as ridiculous as saying that you can "happy" someone or "sad" someone. You can't. Trump is a great example of a shameless leader. No amount of shame is going to change how he feels about himself, in fact the more people try the more he is emboldened. The higher you go on the scale of consciousness, (until a certain point of ego dissolution that is), the more intensely shame is going to be felt by someone. Shame paralyzes such people in fear. The people who have the biggest hearts and feel the most intensely are afraid of speaking out. They are afraid of making waves, they are afraid of making the mistakes they have to make in order to evolve and grow. Shame only inhibits the good in someone. And repression grows like a weed under shame. Do you really want to repress racism? I think the results would be tragic. If you want courageous confident kids, you don't use shame as a parenting tool. A democracy should use the same values in "parenting" its leaders.

What would happen if you got so lost in the story and so consumed by it that there was so longer a story of you, or a story of an experience "you" had or any separate stories at all, that there was no one to listen to the story or tell the story, or write the story? What would happen if you realized you were the story itself? You are Little Red Riding Hood, Grandma, the wolf and the hunter both in truth and in fiction. The story is such complete and utter BS that it's TRUE!!! The only one who can think the story is just a story is the person who thinks that he himself is REAL! Do you realize how fucking terrifying and disorienting that would be? Not being able to tell your life from a story, being permanently on a psychedelic trip? That's what loss of self really means. You are afraid of the story.

Last night I had a bizarre and disturbing dream. Before, this would be the type of dream that I would try to forget as soon as I could but the message is quite profound I think. I dreamed that I was doing surgery on someone, they were out but didn't know or consent to having a surgery and we weren't supposed to be doing it. I was with a man and a woman and "I" wasn't really Mandy at all and had very little to do with Mandy, a common thing that happens in my dreams. I was supposed to be doing a face transplant or some incredible type of surgery that's barely possible in real life. Only I had no surgical skills or hospital setting. Someone walked in and we tried to hide what we were doing. I was supposed to make a first cut with the scalpel and I chickened out. I left at some point and the other couple had done the surgery. The woman we did the surgery on resembled a woman I know, someone who I've been a bit upset with lately. I was so worried that she would die, and felt the horror of what had been done throughout the process and after. She woke up and was completely herself, her face looked slightly different but it looked fine and she didn't notice a thing at all. She was completely oblivious that anything had happened. Message, when I try to change other people superficially, I only hurt myself and cannot achieve a thing. So many times we only see people at "face" value. I wonder if I've given up on teaching others to their faces. I'd like to move to a type of "faceless" teaching through stories. My own story will not have a conclusion, so if I want that satisfaction, I have to tell stories within the timeless story. The satisfaction will only be temporary. Never say never. Nevermore.

@Truth Addict Shhh... it's just a story. I love you. I know what you mean though, it's annoying as fuck.

I woke up and feel asleep again somewhat and heard/thought "When nothing is right, write harder." I understand a few things better now. I am going to write a novel at some point. The line between my real life and fantasy is blurred and gone forevermore. The novels I had in my head were allegory and predictions of my own life. It can't be rushed. Eckhart Tolle warns "Don't write your book too soon." It is going to be written for me . From source. Writing is my form of intoxication.

Follow what your heart says. If you know you will waste their investment don't go. If you do go commit to make the absolute most out of it.

God wants entertainment, drama, and a good story. God wants to experience the infinite spectrum wheel of colors and the heights of all emotions.

I can't figure out the caffeine thing. Coffee- slight headaches and issues staying mindful and grounded. Green tea and black tea - full of fluoride. Out of concern for my pineal gland I cut out almond milk (calcium carbonate) and all tea. Green tea was the perfect level of caffeine though. 90% chocolate- high lead and cadmium levels plus weight gain because of high calorie count No caffeine- weight gain. Right now I drink 1/3 to a half cup of coffee on some days but not all and am trying to limit my chocolate intake.

I need to ask my dad for a complete description of his Pastor when he was a kid. Dad always felt like this Pastor was just playing a game and had moved beyond what he taught spiritually. He ended up leaving the church because he had an affair with another woman in the church. Dad had a friend named David Mushrow who was a foster child and may have been abused. Dad described him as being incredibly spiritual and highly evolved morally. He died when he fell off a wagon haying. Dad came to church one morning and saved a seat for him like he always did and they told him there at church. He became very angry at the whole thing and blamed another boy for his death. My Grandfather died of a heart attack when my dad was 17. He started feeling bad and drove himself to the ER. Dad was going to take him but has lost his license for some small traffic offense and couldn't. My Grandfather died in the ER alone waiting to be seen. Dad was in hay field working for a neighbor. He knew immediately that his Dad had died and when they came to tell him they were afraid of him because he already knew. My dad loves to tell stories and he loves drama. That's how he experiences the world. My mother's reaction to this is to be overly stoic and to disrespect it. My Grandfather on my mom's side was very quiet and stoic. My dad worked for him and would always come back after the day with a wild story to tell. One day my grandfather got ahead of Dad and asked what wild thing had happened that day. What my mother and grandfather don't know is that, you get what you give attention to. If you want an exciting life, you'll get one. if you see everything as mundane, it will be. Dad's life and experiences were just as colorful and vivid as he told them.

Edgar Allan Poe To the River Fair river! in thy bright, clear flow Of crystal, wandering water, Thou art an emblem of the glow Of beauty- the unhidden heart- The playful maziness of art In old Alberto's daughter; But when within thy wave she looks- Which glistens then, and trembles- Why, then, the prettiest of brooks Her worshipper resembles; For in his heart, as in thy stream, Her image deeply lies- His heart which trembles at the beam Of her soul-searching eyes. https://www.poetryloverspage.com/poets/poe/lake.html

@Emerald Have you heard Brene Brown's views on shame and racism? I think that's what is at stake here. So many people even comfortable TALKING about racism because of the risk that they will be so severely shamed for our mistakes, so they remain ignorant. Using shame as a tool fuels fear and fear is essentially what racism is at its root. In the end racism persists. If you give people a little breathing room, and they take down their defenses, then the true collective shadow work can take place.

If social scorn worked then Donald Trump would never have been elected President after the Access Hollywood tapes came out.

I have a son who is autistic so I have done a lot of research on autism and its causes. We do know what causes autism and it's an incredibly complicated mix of many factors. To add to that we have become much more understanding and compassionate as a society and have become much better at spotting autism early and diagnosing it. We also got rid of separate diagnosises and include them all on the autism spectrum. All the statistics on autism rising cannot possibly figure all the factors in for changes in how we diagnosis it. In the 70's if you had Aspergers (now no longer exists as a diagnosis, it's all autism spectrum) you'd be bullied and shoved into a locker. Now if you have Asbergers, you would receive extra help with speech and social skills, go on to be really successful in a field of interest, have a family and have children on the spectrum. Autism is caused mostly by genetics, which are affected by gut bacteria changes, which though it's possible gut bacteria could be affected by vaccines, antibiotic over use, pesticides in the food system especially the persistent use of glyphosate, are much more likely to be the major culprits. Stress during pregnancy, early infancy and different changes in lifestyles due to the use of technology are also a huge culprit for changing gut bacteria, which in turn changes the way genes express themselves. The prenatal and postpartum care that mom and babies get in this country is abysmal. When I brought my son home from the hospital, the amount of education the nurses were required to give me on SIDS was ridiculous. I came home with severe anxiety and forced my baby to sleep in a cool room on his back on a firm mattress because that was their directions. He did not sleep in those conditions and I didn't either. If I had been told it was ok to co-sleep his early infancy would have been so much healthier for him. I was not given hardly any information or support on postpartum anxiety or depression and was left to figure all that out on my own. My point is vaccines save lives. If you want to save the most lives that you can with your money, you vaccinate kids in third world countries. Vaccines are miraculous. Yes, we should study their negative affects as much as we can. But there is a lot lower hanging fruit that can be changed if you care about human health. The inherent fear of needles and having something foreign injected into you or your baby fuels all kinds of irrational reasoning for that fear. If you want to live in fear, intellectually it makes a lot more sense to be afraid of your glyphosate ridden Cheerios you eat for breakfast every morning.

In the end of Leo's "How Fear Works" Part 2 he says that mastering your emotions is harder than waking up. The topic of emotional mastery keeps coming up lately. I spent years working to master my emotions and made huge progress in my life and as a person. I thought that enlightenment WAS emotional mastery. At first I repressed my emotions and had a few blow ups but I learned to go into the emotions and go into feeling them in my body and I thought that I had learned how to work through the repression problem. I got really good at this, and life demanded that I had to be. I could handle my son's autistic meltdowns like a pro, I could handle nearly anything life threw at me, or so I thought. I didn't understand that I had demonized my emotions and I had tried to control them, not master them. They were like children obeying me out of fear, not love. I started going backwards, strange things happened in my life and learning about the law of attraction was a huge missing piece that made puzzle pieces fall into place faster than ever before. During my awakening, I saw that my ego had split itself, it was the very thing pointing the finger at and rejecting itself. The awakening was stunning... and disruptive as fuck. It took weeks to get my life back together and I acted out all kinds of things I had been repressing. In other words emotional mastery and all my work went out the window. Then I was left realizing that I had a LOT of work to put the pieces back together, this time understanding that emotional mastery did NOT MEAN absence of emotions. I guess this means that you can have your cake and eat it too? You are here to feel. You are here to follow your heart, follow your bliss, and experience bliss. Yet you are also here to be wise and to see that wisdom is the greatest deepest pleasure that can be found. The tricky thing is that the bad stuff isn't what it seems. You can break through the illusion of pain or depression through acceptance, or you can appreciate them and use them to guide you to where you are meant to be. I would really love to hear your thoughts and insights on this. What is true emotional mastery, and what does it look like? Is enlightenment feeling the deepest depths of emotion fully and also being as master of them? How do we move from a relationship to our emotions of control to love?

Check out Mr. Money Mustache. I prefer the "do what you love" or find a way to love what you do approach, but the truth is most of us waste most of our money because everyone around us does the same. We don't think through our priorities in life properly and can retire much earlier than we would think. He's quite ranty and hardcore stage green but I've learned a lot from his blog.

The world is endlessly fascinating. "Not all who wander are lost." I GET it now!!!

@perlita Kids are trial under fire, that's for sure! I'm doing pretty good, not perfect by any means though. One thing that really helps is if i can just look at them. I find that if you I be conscious enough to really watch them and see them, it stops the spiral of thoughts that leads to loss of control. Another thing that helps is meditation, because I find that meditation is a practice of being space, and the better you get at being "space" the more you are able to hold the space for the child and the screams and fits go through you and don't find anything to stop and resist. It's such a common thing in life to raise kids, but it's the hardest thing we'll do. It sounds really cliche, but lots of attention to self care and self love is a MUST when you have young kids.

@altered62 Fascinating post. I'm not sure about modern methods of this, or where to point you to but I know that mesmerism was more popular in the past. If you can't find anything more current I would highly recommend researching the history of them. Through a series of strange circumstances I read a book by a clairvoyant herbal medicines doctor from the 1800's. At the time I wasn't very open minded to the mystical realm at all but this book was a catalyst that changed that. He describes his evolution in the book, first he had a deep love for nature and plants and played around making plant medicines as a boy. A mesmerist came to town and he went to him and became obsessed with mesmerism ever since. He describes how differently the children reacted, he was almost always the first to fall asleep, one boy had a very difficult time and once under the influence became violent and shortly after the incident, died. After that visit he was left in a very positive dream like state of consciousness. Circumstances in his life changed and he moved to a city for a while and got a lot more opportunities to see mesmerists. After coming home he started losing consciousness randomly. After several incidents it happened while he was at dinner and a friend grabbed his hand out of concern for him. He described her medical condition at length and prescribed medicines for her. After that he was able to enter clairvoyant sleep at will. He was never able to be conscious throughout them and always required the help of someone to record what he said. Digging through history, this is the first mesmerist that he saw https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Parkhurst_Quimby

@Matt8800 Ooooohhh... good thoughts and good question. Your post triggered a feeling that God wants to experience everything and know himself fully... through limitation. Yes, all the paths are limiting, but yet in that limitation because of the nature of nonduality.... they aren't. The potential in studying with an open mind ALL religions and traditions as much as one is able to, just seems exciting to me. It's a newly afforded luxury to us, the ease of which this generation can go about doing just that is unprecedented. I was lucky to have a lot of freedom to explore Christianity as a child. I enjoyed studying it, I contemplated Jesus's words and truly tried to understand what he was saying. When I started reading Eckhart Tolle the insights of Jesus's words started falling into place. It was like a seed that had been planted. The pointers aren't the same but the thing they are pointing at is.

Wow. I predicted that pointer in a completely ass backward way in my sleep last night. I needed the actual day waking pointer for the full circle impact though. Thank you. God likes surprises. Surprises are all the more fun if you know they are coming but don't know what they will be yet. Like Christmas. I hope that your houseguest doesn't leave you too many surprises.

How do I know which one to write?

@Nahm I see you.

Good call.