mandyjw

This way of imagining or thinking can help because you're stuck on your current one. Imagine that there isn't a you or a me, but we are this interaction itself, in this very moment, which if we try to pinpoint, doesn't exist. There isn't a you or a me, but a space in between, a space that encompasses everything. Think of us as a woven net. We think that we are the holes between the threads of the net, never considering that that shape that we perceive in the net is actually nothingness itself. If one thread in the net is pulled, all the other holes in the net tighten and adjust. The ones closest to it seem to be more affected and visibly change shape and the others further away less so, but the net is one. Everything you seem to do or think affects everyone else, even if they are too far away to be conscious of the effects. What purpose do others serve in my illusion is like asking from the perspective of a hole in the fabric of the net, what the other holes in the fabric of the net have to do with me? Well the answer is they aren't at all. They are one empty space, or one net. To go even deeper the mind has to look at or consider either the net or the empty space in this analogy, but they are one.

Conscientiousness and consciousness are not the same. They often seem to go hand in hand though.

Even the dancing squirrels themselves have the same message to share. Keep on, with the force don't stop Don't stop 'til you get enough Keep on, with the force don't stop Don't stop 'til you get enough Keep on, with the force don't stop Don't stop 'til you get enough Keep on, with the force don't stop Don't stop 'til you get enough

Keep on, with the force don't stop Don't stop 'til you get enough Keep on, with the force don't stop Don't stop 'til you get enough Keep on, with the force don't stop Don't stop 'til you get enough Keep on, with the force don't stop Don't stop 'til you get enough

It's pretty easy for someone who had the message that All is One... I Am One, to get misinterpreted to being "I am the one and the only." I Am. One and Only. I am the one and the only. See the meanings going back and forth here? It depends on how the mind grasps it. It can use it to grasp Oneness or it can use it to separate, "Jesus is the one and the only, so what does that make everyone else including the separate me?"

@Evil Raccoon Sometimes people need a little help with imagination to feel a bigger, more powerful Divine sort of Love outside their sense of self. Think of religious figures, spirit animals, etc, as sort of like "porn" for God. My old Bible school attending conditioning is telling me I'm going to hell for writing this.

You can't know what they actually claimed and what other people claimed, assumed and misinterpreted. Jesus and Mohammed only exist as concepts, images in your head right now. Because you create your reality, when you see that the objective world is really just subjective people who have experienced this make all kinds of claims. Some of the claims are just place holders to break old beliefs in themselves and others, and others are claims made by an ego to try to make a new reality out of an experience that broke the current one. When you find out that reality is groundless it's very tempting and maybe even necessary for a short time to try to build some new ground for yourself. Some people seem to get stuck building new ground, (making absurd claims). The mind doesn't care much what it believes as long as it has something to believe so that it can maintain a self concept by default. You have to question what you believe is truth, what that word means. If you don't honestly ask yourself this question all questions you ask and answer for yourself with your own examined concept of "truth" will be biased.

Pentecostal Christians are pretty open minded to mystical experiences, some of them anyway. I was raised Baptist and we always said Pentecostals were opening themselves to demon possession. Warnings about yoga and meditation warn of the same, where atheists think that's ridiculous yet don't acknowledge the possibility of them not being able to have complete control of themselves or supernatural forces outside them. In my dad's church supposedly a girl once started channeling in English in a man's voice, they removed her from the service as soon as possible, but they were absolutely freaked out. They write off all things like that as demon possession for the most part. I've also heard a lot of strange stories where general law of attraction stuff is attributed to God. Missionaries being poisoned and not getting ill, people healing in strange circumstances. People receiving messages and calling it the voice of God. General synchronicity stuff, happens to anyone open minded enough to notice or look for it. Faith is faith.

@dimitri Too perfect. I appreciate you so much. You make such a great bridge with your enthusiasm for the joy, law of attraction side of things here. I have to enforce my own structure because of the quarantine and the loss of daycare and reliable work times. But for some reason I think that I should be above needing it? I don't really know what I think. I don't think. I messed up my gut on the Tim Ferris slow carb diet two years ago. Maybe there was more to it than that, but that's what I blame it on. It's taken just about this long to come back from. One thing I loved about it was the structure, which was really strict, but except for having to let go of my thoughts about quitting or not wanting to follow it, the structure made me feel amazing. I think it was letting go of thoughts that partly made me so happy about it, initially. Is self discipline just letting go of thoughts actually? Could it be? I ate every 4 hours on it. So today I decided why not eat intuitively, every four hours? It's hard when you get food for three other people and are home around food all day not to eat too often. Eating too much is to stay at home moms like porn is to single college men. I wake up too early in the morning to eat at normal meal times anyway. So far,

@dimitri I KNOW, right? Never could fully appreciate Disney until recently.

Ok, so, no real focused meditation and eating sugar makes me really fucking depressed, still. I've only found that out several times now. Hmm... Every time I eat eggs I get an incapacitating stomachache for hours so do I forget and try to eat eggs for breakfast every couple weeks cause pain isn't real? No. Is it my fault that that happens, am I not as good as people who can eat eggs? No. Glad we cleared that up. Yesterday was a really spectacular bout of ego backlash, ie depression, complaints, anger, hopelessness. Q: Why does the mind create all these divisions? M: To divide and particularize is in the mind’s very nature. There is no harm in dividing. But separation goes against fact. Things and people are different, but they are not separate. Nature is one, reality is one. There are opposites, but no opposition. Q: I find that by nature I am very active. Here I am advised to avoid activity. The more I try to remain inactive, the greater the urge to do something. This makes me not only active outwardly, but also struggling inwardly to be what by nature I am not. Is there a remedy against longing for work? M: There is a difference between work and mere activity. All nature works. Work is nature, nature is work. On the other hand, activity is based on desire and fear, on longing to possess and enjoy, on fear of pain and annihilation. Work is by the whole for the whole, activity is by oneself for oneself. Q: Is there a remedy against activity? M: Watch it, and it shall cease. Use every opportunity to remind yourself that you are in bondage, that whatever happens to you is due to the fact of your bodily existence. Desire, fear, trouble, joy, they cannot appear unless you are there to appear to. Yet, whatever happens, points to your existence as a perceiving centre. Disregard the pointers and be aware of what they are pointing to. It is quite simple, but it needs be done. What matters is the persistence with which you keep on returning to yourself. The commitment to "doing nothing", to not wanting to work in thinking that if one doesn't distract themselves with work that they will become enlightened, is trying to do something for the separate self. Q: I do get into peculiar states of deep absorption into myself, but unpredictably and momentarily. I do not feel myself to be in control of such states. M: The body is a material thing and needs time to change. The mind is but a set of mental habits, of ways of thinking and feeling, and to change they must be brought to the surface and examined. This also takes time. Just resolve and persevere, the rest will take care of itself. Good God, just settle the fuck down. Q: I seem to have a clear idea of what needs be done, but I find myself getting tired and depressed and seeking human company and thus wasting time that should be given to solitude and meditation. M: Do what you feel like doing. Don’t bully yourself. Violence will make you hard and rigid. Do not fight with what you take to be obstacles on your way. Just be interested in them, watch them, observe, enquire. Let anything happen — good or bad. But don’t let yourself be submerged by what happens. I will be interested in my deep need for structure and work and the tendency to rebel against it. "There are opposites, but no opposition."

Free will and predetermination depend on time lines to exist as theory or explanation. God is now, so God is both or neither.

Oh God, self Love, self sabotage, no doership, I want off this roller coaster. I can't be kind to myself! That means binge eating crap, like vanilla ice cream and reeses peanut butter cups. Who am I kidding? Profound question. I have no self discipline. I cannot meditate. I cannot eat healthy. I cannot be spiritual. I quit. How do I quit a pursuit I've never started? Stop asking stupid questions? There's no one doing this. So I quit. I really want to just quit, but that's not how it works. Started watching Leo's video last night. Not that it had to do with the video subject, but a thought arose that I'm done with being me. And I realized that that thought, the desire to be free of me or ego without acceptance was exactly what my ego is, defining a me it must be free of. If there's no one left to blame for my problems and inadequacies, not even a self. What am I to do with them then? What do they have to do with me? New life goal, morbid obesity.

Ouch.

Thank for posting this! My sister recommended medical medium to me a while ago but I checked it out quickly and didn't think of it again. Since then I've gone mostly plant based (still eat sardines and random stuff if it's served to me by someone else). I tried making celery juice this morning and liked it so I finally ordered a juicer, (made it by hand with a straining bag and blender). Kinda hoping I can use the juicer to manipulate my kids into consuming more veggies. There are some amazing recipes on his website.

I saw a crow going after a bald eagle today. Reminded me of this photo, https://www.audubon.org/news/why-would-crow-ride-eagle

I just write what I feel like, when I feel like it. My journal pulls synchronicity from things that inspire me in life together and makes it really apparent without me really doing anything, connections are made on their own. Writing my thoughts out and seeing them in form in front of me changes my awareness of them and just this is really powerful. Having an intention for your journal is really good too especially if you aren't naturally inspired to write.

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/crow-rides-eagle/ Jump on My Shoulders AWOLNATION There's a mad man looking at you And he wants to take your soul. There's a mad man with a mad plan And he's dancing at your door. Oh What to do, oh What to do When the walls are built to crumble. There's a mad man with a mad plan And he waits for us to stumble. Oh, but our eyes are open Yeah, they're really open (Five, four, three, two, one) I say we rob from the rich And blow down the door. On to the next To dance with the poor. Jump on my shoulders. You can jump on my shoulders. We rob from the rich And blow down the door. On to the next To dance with the poor. Jump on my shoulders. You can jump on my shoulders. La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la Everybody it's OK if You're mad at what I'm saying. Make peace, baby shake my hand 'cause I'm pretty sure I'm staying. Oh What to do, oh Look at you, when the walls begin To crumble. It's a mad man with a mad plan And he waits for us to stumble. Oh, but our eyes are open Yeah, they're really open (Five, four, three, two, one) I say we rob from the rich And blow down the door. On to the next To dance with the poor. Jump on my shoulders. You can jump on my shoulders. We rob from the rich And blow down the door. On to the next To dance with the poor. Jump on my shoulders. You can jump on my shoulders. La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la I'll say the devils lost control Live in the water I'm scared of the city Stay in the water I'm scared of the city Live in the water I'm scared of the city. I'm scared of the city Live in the water I'm scared of the city I'll pray for you I say we rob from the rich And blow down the door. On to the next To dance with the poor. Jump on my shoulders. You can jump on my shoulders. We rob from the rich And blow down the door. On to the next To dance with the poor. Jump on my shoulders. You can jump on my shoulders. Seriously It's not supposed to be easy That's why it feels so fucking good. Jump on my shoulders, yeah.

Law of Attraction, you imagine, it you create it. If you want to see more enlightened women, notice and look for more enlightened women. Who's enlightened anyway? You're the only one who gets to decide.

You're already a pterodactyl. @Patok You mostly only get the big stuff you really, really, really, reeeeeally want in life. If you really want something that bad would you have faith in it coming without working for it? What if it wasn't the work at all that got you "there" but the strength of the desire, which required work to maintain from your current belief system? Then again, a watched pot never boils, so you'll have to throw away the desire and the work, but since everything is one, you can't rid what's really "yourself" of it anyway.

Another neighbor stopped to talk to me about said deviants and how he'd make sure it didn't happen again. During this conversation he quoted the exact thought I'd had, "you don't shit where you eat" and then overhead I noticed a crow scuffling with an eagle. Oh... it's all too ridiculous to be real.

Roger, you seem so matter of fact and boring, but do you realize how DRAMATICALLY AMAZING and entertaining the results of understanding what you teach are? Do you, do you? Probably. Why do I write these things, asking "do you" in an imaginary conversation with a teacher of non-doership. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do," has to be one of the most powerful verses in the Bible. Rebellion/reaction is the greatest conformity. Surrender the greatest freedom. So something happened in which someone disrespected my property and as I became accustomed to see the beauty of the big picture of it (quite literally, cause you know how much I love signs and symbols and visual revelations) immediately someone showed up to talk to me about it and to make sure I knew that he was going to do something to prevent it from happening again. I also know that Mandy and Mary (who is an older woman neighbor who I greatly admire, but conservative and republican AF,) are the same person. We both, growing up in stage blue societies as women, have learned to act sweet and kind and loving, and in return the men in the neighborhood out of love and duty and their own programming naturally look out for us. Mandy and Mary are not sweet, kind helpless women at all, in fact we're most efficiently looking out for our own survival. I also know that the little deviant who showed disrespect is only unconsciously looking out for his survival and programming too and displaying his imagined freedom that he believes is his to own and express. We all exist within the very same mind as imagined characters. Eagle shit in the driveway. The predestined shit of freedom.

Ok, ok, I have to get this out. MY GOD, MY GOD, MY GOD I LOVE THIS MAN (Nisargadatta Maharaj). He's like Jesus 2.0. Or Jesus without 2000 years of limited translation, text preservation and recording abilities. My automatic intense propensity to fall in love with specific people who have let go of themselves and refuse to be a self and take credit is quite funny. Not just rebellion LOVE is automatic, unconscious. No one loves. Realize that whatever you think yourself to be is just a stream of events; that while all happens, comes and goes, you alone are, the changeless among the changeful, the self-evident among the inferred. Separate the observed from the observer and abandon false identifications. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

Last night some neighbors threw a party, and were incredibly inconsiderate of the noise they were making so I kept waking up when I was trying to fall asleep. Sleepy Mandy is far wiser than awake Mandy and she told awake Mandy... (well this journal entry is going off to a good start in sounding sane, CARE KILLED THE CAT) that not wanting to feel annoyed about something is another unnecessary thought about the matter. I also realized that I'm finally lonely AF because of this quarantine and last night I was pissed off by all the people just partying like they don't care a bit about it and started getting really worried about a second wave. When I see the big picture of that and put it together with a new understanding of how people unconsciously react to each other and don't really have will of their own, it's really all sorts of tragically but beautiful poetically sad. The loneliness, concern and judgement seems so understood and inevitable that it actually feels loved and can't persist in any form other than love. Rebellion is automatic, unconscious. Forgive them for they know not what they do. Most of my suffering stems from the fact that I think people are responsible for their own actions, and I have the upmost responsibility for how things go. My Mom always perpetually told me to stop caring and controlling so much and stop wanting things so bad, is it possible that I could have just listened to her and not had to read all these self help books and all of Leo's videos and more and "pursue" enlightenment? FUCK NO. See line above this paragraph. My two Grandmothers were polar opposites of each other. One for the most part loved everyone, and accepted everyone. The other was perpetually lonely, and no one was ever good enough, and she expected so much from people and no one could ever meet her standards. Is is true that one Grandmother was wise and one wasn't? No.