mandyjw

Oh man, today has been a LOA fail. No sure why I had waaay too many judgmental thoughts about the latest video I made. I kept trying to get a concept of how I felt about it and couldn't, but I entertained all possible concepts far too long. I recently replied in a thread about passing out, and this afternoon talked to my Mom about passing out and how I was more embarrassed and concerned for others being concerned than hurt. Came home and cut my finger really bad peeling a carrot. Came really close to passing out, still feeling woozy. I've been feeling artistic lately and have also gotten a ton of compliments that tie in so crazily with enlightenment and I realized that all the years I spent feeling like I was doing something stupid, meaningless and worthless really wasn't at all. I have no life purpose. If I'm not really dead or alive and not really useful or useless, what does that end up being? I guess I can't fuck it up no matter how hard I try. I'd rather stop trying though.

Yes, the only thing that distinguishes a mental disorder from enlightenment is that enlightenment is absolutely free of suffering. Suffering is illusory, but takes a lot of self love, (so called inner guru) or the form of outside love (so called outer guru) to stay on track.

Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be. -Rumi

@Nahm A week ago I thought of a joking review to send you for your page but I wasn't sure I should. "Nahm has no actual idea what he is doing, which is exactly what makes him so amazing." It took me so long to get this through my thick skull. No one is doing anything. @tsuki shared this with me a long time ago. Make me think of the disappearing reappearing clown gifs. The Magician Andy Shauf Do you find It gets a little easier each time you make it disappear? Oh fools, the magician bends the rules As the crowd watches his every move Just a shaking hand without a concrete plan Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo Sidesteps to a death-defying feat Wait for him to reappear Look close, you'll see him sweat the most Each time his options disappear Just a shaking hand without a concrete plan Just a shaking hand without a concrete plan I'm a shaking hand without a plan Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo

I recently tried being vegetarian and a short time of being vegan. Continual creeping weight gain and fatigue eventually caught up with me. I was eating super healthy, nuts, tons of veggies, taking B supplements but eventually got so tired and was hungry all the time leading to over-eating and having to use a lot of willpower to keep from gaining weight. I felt like it was impossible to get enough protein without destroying my digestion. As soon as I started eating meat again that stopped and I felt like I had my life back. I might try it again because I could have missed something and I'm glad I tried. I have hypothyroidism, it never crossed my mind that that might be part of the reason until now.

I remember that my parents used to argue all the time about past shared memories, one remembered it one way and the other another, and it always ended with my dad calling my mom crazy, but mom didn't have to call dad crazy because she already knew he was crazy. Oh wait. DO I remember that?

Love it when everything switches like that.

Nobody gets it, there is no present moment, no perfection. She don't get it, she's making a video for you to get it. We don't get it, we're writing to you so you can get it. Let go of thoughts and concepts and the need for presence to arise and good feeling arises. Don't believe anyone who says it though or it won't. We're just a bunch of liars.

The analogy came up today, thought I'd throw it out there on a whim. I told someone on the forum that a while ago and then I opened a free book box and some delinquent had stuck a half eaten Easter bunny in it, and there was a book there titled "You Create It Yourself"

When I was a kid I had a clown doll that sang "It's a Small World After All" when you pushed on his nose. "It's a world of laughter A world of tears It's a world of hopes And a world of fears There's so much that we share That it's time we're aware It's a small world after all"

Joy isn't really an agenda, is it? Is it something you do? Is unconditional love something you do? You're like a boy who gets an Easter bunny and won't eat it because he thinks it's mean, he wants to keep it perfect in the box. It was bought for you to enjoy, to eat. The bunny isn't real, it's chocolate. Nothing is lost.

@Nahm

Aww.....

Isn't in crazy how when you reread some things, it's really like you've never read it before? Cause you haven't! I get the same mind-bending effect with @Nahms posts, and different books on spirituality. I listened to a Jim Newman video on autoplay yesterday and didn't realize until 20 minutes in when I looked at the screen that I had already seen it a couple weeks before. I thought I was getting new insights from it. Everything is completely new and alive all the time if you don't think you already know it.

I think letting go of thoughts can make diseases disappear. I think that changing your thoughts and carefully choosing the thoughts you give power to can help you identify and let go of thoughts that feed suffering of all kinds. Diseases aren't really cured, they go away mysteriously when we aren't paying attention to them. The attention we give them, the thoughts we have about them and what they mean to us and the disease itself create each other. This assumes the person must rid themselves of the disease before a certain amount of time. Time is a tension. That tension, that need to be healed in the future can hold the tension of the disease intact. "I want to live because I'm scared of dying" creates tension and disease. People should take whatever the path of least resistance is. If that's surgery, herbal medicines, diet, etc, they should follow it no matter what they have faith in. The faith is never in the thing but it one's own ability and desire to heal. But they key is always dropping resistance.

There aren't really ghosts or beings outside of us, because what we think of as us is also not real, which is why experiences of other entities can happen. Eckhart Tolle's pain body is a pointer, it's like having a child draw his emotions and he draws them as monsters or creatures so he can envision and talk about them, dis-identifying himself from them for the first time. Your psyche does similar things for you, in dreams and waking events. It helps to have stories, symbols, labels and names for intangible things so you can examine them. Really though, what we're facing is always our own resistance, our own dis-identification and fear. Seeing this can be quite healing. Someone who is afraid of illness creates his own bogeymen out of fear. Fear of illness is one of the most powerful causes of illness. We assume that we are the body, separate and vulnerable to unseen causes, so it's a powerful fear. Thinking of cancer and viruses as an unseen cause, and thinking of entities as an unseen cause can perpetuate the same dis-ease.

No, it's a gift, so watch where you're going with it.

@Johnny5 Dunno, Ramana Maharshi never shut up about Arunachala. Outwardly nothing changes. You still leaves roses, or sing praises, whatever. But at some point you realize you're only doing it for yourself, don't need anything from it and then it's all the more fun.

No, there was never anyone who had control so the sense of losing control is intensely painful only because you believe that you really, really should have control and you've lost it. Kids that don't have ice cream cones don't cry when they drop them. God is like a good parent who buys you an ice cream, he didn't have to do that and he did it purely to make you happy, but the minute he handed it to you you felt entitled to it, therefore felt loss when you tripped and dropped it. The ice cream, the "I" is imaginary. It's purely there for our enjoyment and can never be lost. We misunderstand the only intention for our existence. Joy.

No, cause you can't plunge into something that you already are, and if that seems to happen anyway such as in awakening, there's nothing final about what never began. Well, you're right, our love for a guru or god, clairvoyant doctor, Leo, etc, is conditional. It's far, far, less conditional than any other person we've loved in "real life" which is what makes it a path or transformational but, it's still conditional. The love never dies, but just gets more expansive. Devotion is irrational, imaginary love with something or someone that seems to have a profound effect over you. Psychedelics are used to achieve something similar. It doesn't even have to be in the form of a human, imaginary or real, Terrence McKenna's path seemed to be devotional love with psychedelics themselves. You can't detach, but you can see through real and imaginary, cause and effect, self and other and all the other conditions we put on love. You can laugh at yourself for loving chocolate so much you can't have it in the house, but you could never throw away your love for chocolate because there was no one who ever decided, "I love chocolate". It's just something that happened.

I suspect that the path of devotion is misunderstood by a lot of people here who are unwilling to take crazy, bizarro shortcuts. The other day I left a red rose on the grave of a clairvoyant doctor who's book seemed to apparently play a major part in triggering an awakening. I first went by his grave and noticed poison nightshade growing there and all I knew was that he was a clairvoyant herbal doctor so I thought it was hilarious that a poison plant was the only thing growing there. After that I read his book. It seemed silly logically to leave a rose but the idea of it just felt so good. On the way back from the cemetery I decided to check a free book box and right on top was a book with a woman and red rose and the title was "Vanish with the Rose." I'm not sure if he wants me to realize the truth of no self or if he's telling me off cause he wants to rest in peace. Hmm... Sometimes I wonder if awakening is played out kind of like the kind of movie we want to go see the most. After all, we are simply entertaining ourselves. You guys like movies with the heroic main character going through hell, all kinds of action and getting blown almost to smithereens in the end. Me, I just wanna watch a romcom. "The outer self and the inner both are imagined. The obsession of being an ‘I’ needs another obsession with a ‘super-I’ to get cured, as one needs another thorn to remove a thorn, or another poison to neutralize a poison. All assertion calls for a denial, but this is the first step only. The next is to go beyond both." -Nisargadatta Maharaj Cause, every rose has it's thorn... I wonder if some people obsess over an "I" outside them, figure, guru, etc, and others obsess over their ideal future self. Probably it's a bit of both for all of us.

The self commits suicide because it assumes it has control over its own life. Awakening is the realization that you never had or have control.

Check out Roger Castillo and Jim Newman and Rupert Spira if you haven't already.

But I don't remember learning how to read. I have vague memories of when that supposedly happened. How do I know I can read? GODDAMN it, no one ever gave me a badge or a certificate! It is really awesome though. Seriously though, you don't know how to read. Reading happens because you have been conditioned to read. Stare at a word long enough and reading stops happening. You can make your environment seem more peaceful and quiet to the mind by removing all labels and words on things because your brain just goes ahead and reads things without you telling it to.

A mouse?