Karmadhi

I used to be very insecure about my appearance for many many years. A way i found to help correct it outside of self-love, building your value as a man etc etc was to stop caring about appearance in general for other humans. Whatever you judge on others, is a reflection of judging yourself. I noticed this on other people too, the people that comment the most about others appearances are usually the most insecure about their own appearance. Therefore, if i would judge a girl's worth as a partner or human being based on any amount on her looks then i would also feel like i am judging my worth based on my looks. I cannot go and say "guys judge girls based on looks and that is okay because girls care about personality", that mindset does not work with me. I tried it. If i screen girls harshly based on looks i will feel like i am getting screened harshly based on looks and that will make me somewhat insecure. Now, nuance here please. Of course i have some basic level of looks i care about a female and i expect females to have some basic level of appearance for guys. I tend to be around a 5.5-6/10 generally, so i do not care that much about looks above that for a girl. Now i am not saying that i will not try to hit on girls that are very hot or anything like that. I will hit on everyone i want to, however it will not purely based on looks and the value of the girl in my eyes will not be influenced by looks much. How happy the person makes me and how compatible we are and how much we enjoy each other company is more important indicator. So basically, when i see a girli i see her appearance of course but do not put that much value in it. Personality over looks i guess. Looks matter more as a threshold thing. Energy vibe compatibility values etc are more important. I am talking about relationships and stuff here. One night stands clearly differ. What do you guys think? Is this a massive cope or does it have some usefulness to it as a mindset. It's purpose is basically to make me give 0 shits about my appearance after i take care of myslef because of it is not important much anyway. For this attitude to be embodied i should practice it myself on others otherwise it will be too much cognitive dissonance.

@Preety_India I am saying that you will get intimacy after you sleep with a guy. It is not something to worry about.

@Preety_India Most guys give women plenty of intimacy, intimacy is not a girl thing only. Idk what you re talking about. A guy will give you plenty of intimacy once you had sex with him, usually they are connected and linked.

The discussions/debates between Preety India and Leo regarding gender related stuff and dating are possibly the highlight of this forum for me hahahahahahha

@Leo Gura He is probably coming from a stage green feminine place where girls are loud 24/7 about their rights and are treated very well. It depends on what context you see it, from a micro perspective it does seem like that because men in these places are too meek to do any ordering around for women. However the super powerful men in charge will still use females as ego validation tools. However 99.9 percent of men are not affected by this so it does not occur on their minds. Then, when it comes to countries that are below stage green, well there it is still quite patriartical so his whole comment is irrelevant there. I doubt he is even looking into that when he wrote this.

Guys, any advice on how to become more assertive while staying a good person at heart? I struggle with this a lot.

I personally have a bit of a shadow regarding assertiveness. I tend to be very very empathetic naturally and it is difficult for me to put my agenda so first that i do not care if it hurts others. I tend to be very agreeable personality and make compromises, not just do my thing and give 0 shits what happens to others. That makes me feel like a piece of shit selfish person. I hate that feeling. Any advice on how to become more assertive while staying a good person at heart?

Leo is right OP, she did not even cheat with you. Girls might do that to either test you or just do it without thinking about it. Guys do it all the time too, again it is done without being aware of it. Imagine the scenes in movies where the hot girl comes and the married guy looses the ability to talk straight to her. That is not much nicer than a girl flirting a bit with someone else. Also, the issue is that you need to work more with yourself. Girls are ruthless if you are not on top of your shit, that unconditional love bullshit will not fly in the real world. If you get complacent then she might do stuff like this. Or she is just a bad egg and not worth being in your life and does not deserve your loyalty. In that case find someone who will appreciate you more. Work on yourself for yourself, not to keep the girl.

@Leo Gura Sorry man but you know nothing about me. I have always generated good results through hard work. I am a very good student, have read more about this self development stuff than 95 percent of people my age (im just 22) and did massive work to increase my social skills because i used to be very socially indept a few years ago. Most people my age just use instagram and watch prank videos while i am watching your 3 hour video on conscious politics. When it comes to girls, i just do not see anyone i know need to do this kind of work to get results. They talk to like 20 girls and get 1 of them. People with good social skills need this kind of work, i assume those with horrible social skills need a lot more because they are not just learning how to attract girls but also how to be social in general. A lot of people are already very social and have healthy circle of friends and have no issue talkings to strangers. I am talking about these people, not your typical basement incel. May i ask, why most guys that have healthy sex lives do not do more than couple hundred of approaches all their lives? I am talking about normal looking, normal income, normal status guys. Not celebreties.

@Bando I do not have a credit card and therefore i cannot pay for it. That is why i was asking, i am kind of stuck rn and can only use the free version. Can you use apple store gift cards (you can buy them in electronic stores) as means of payment or it does not work like that?

@Bando Are they that bad without paying? I do not know your age but i doubt most 22 year old guys are paying for Tinder.

@diamondpenguin Just be confident bro! The first 10.000 approaches are just a warm-up bro! Just hold frame bro! Just be Russell Brand bro! Just be so awsome you can get away with anything bro! Just go to Mars bro! Just be a billionare bro!

@Lucas-fgm It is a website where strangers rate your pictures. They also leave feedback. Just use the "dating" domain of it and upload your pictures. They are annonymous. However people there tend to be too nice so unless you get like an 8.5 on attractivness then do not use it,e specially not as a first profile picture. For profile pic aim for a good 9/10

@Javfly33 I was referring mostly to real life interactions. For online Leo is absolutly right, you need INSANE volume. @Javfly33 @Lucas-fgm Use photo feeler and get some good pics from that. Usually a pic should be at least a 8.5/10 rated for it to work on dating apps. There is this guy indian pua, super average looking guy and still made a good account that gets results. You just need very very good pictures where you look your best. If you are a 5/10 you can boost it to a 7/10 which should be enough to get results. You will probably not get hotties but better than nothing.

I think this is the case only for "hard cases", people with horrible social skills and bad upbringings. I doubt most healthy guys need that amount of action to get themselves a decent girl. The issue is most guys take almost no action, if they took moderate action (which they do not take and is a problem) it would be enough to satisfy them unless they wanted harems or something. None of the player friends i have known needed more than like 100 girls to talk with to get laid couple of times. And most of the "talking" was done online. Bottom line: The worse your social skills are, the more action you will need to take. Also, no need to call ugly girls "garbage". They are human beings with emotions and feelings too. Just say unattractive girls or girls you will not want back idk.

@Carl-Richard These are arguments done by non religious people against LGBT. Religious people just say the holy book says so and thats it.

@Carl-Richard I come from a very homophobic conservative country i have heard basically every argument they have against LGBT stuff. One of the main ones aside religion (forbiden in holy books), is that they say it goes against nature. Typical argument of them: "Nature created male and female, to go against it is a crime. All other species are hetero therefore this is some bullshit human invention that goes against the sacred fundamentals of life". Heard this like a dozen times hahahahaa.

@Anastas Sia It does matter a lot because people hate liberals because they think it makes people homosexual. They say all this LGBT shit makes people homosexual/lesbian/bisexual etc and this stuff is made and not born. If it became consensus that lgbt preferences are not made but born, then these movements would become a lot less hated and slowly accepted. In the long term it will help to normalize these views in the first place which is the root of the problem. One step at a time.

Are gays, bisexuals etc born or made? I have had many discussions with my conservative friends about this and they say they are made by today's culture which promotes it a lot. The thing is that, in ancient rome and greece there have been records of homosexuals so i do not think it is made. I think it is just born. I do not know why they are hated so much, usually they use the bible or the quran as proof that they should be hated. I think that is BS tbh.

So i noticed that Leo and a lot of other people here are against libetarians and more in favour of equality and mechanism that prevent a minority to control all the resources. Personally i agree with this, however i am not sure why this does not apply to sex too. What happens these days that just like in a monopoly, a few guys (maximum 10-15 percent) have access to all the girls meanwhile a lot of guys are left with nothing. The incel phenomenon keeps getting worse meanwhile you have guys with lay-counts in the hundreds. Now getting sex, just like getting a good job or money is mostly a result of hard work, with a help of good luck. If a guy is born in a good family his economic prospects are going to be better than a guy that is born in a poor family, just like a good looking extroverted guy naturally will have better dating prospects than an autistic ugly person. When it comes to most markets mechanism are created to prevent this unfair distribution, while keeping competition still open. Scandinavian countries are a good example. Now when it comes to dating market, sex and love are human needs therefore in terms of importance i would put them at par with having a home and food to eat. When it comes to regulation you cannot really regulate human interactions however online dating should be regulated. In addition, another way for this regulation can be by promoting guys to be more social and for girls to be less entitled and picky. I mean this may sound dumb but when 1/3 of guys are lonely virgin that has negative consequences for society. It makes them mysogonistic, and even violent sometimes. Some objections which i will hear: 1. "If you are not lazy and improve yourself then you will not have problems". True, however same logic can be applied for all markets. If you work hard and save your money then you will not be broke. So why we still have systems that protect lazy people that are not wise with their money? i personally love such systems but it feels a bit double standard here. 2. "This is just a ego defense for you (opener of thread) to justify your lack of success with women". Personally i am working on improving myself and am quite social, i do not blame the unregulated dating market for my success, however i see sometimes a lot of guys frustrated and lonely and i feel very bad for them. I also see girls frustrated too, however their frustration often comes from a specific guy not wanting them. For guys it is about NOBODY wanting them. I cannot feel the same for a starving kid than for a kid that has food but only wants cake. 3. "You should be happy things are like this because now if you work hard you will be at the top". This is not about me again, it is about a society problem. 4. "Why you even care man, just focus on yourself". Same logic for why we should care about social welfare and stuff, just work hard and focus on yourself. However that logic is flawed and selfish. If anyone plans to block this thread for low quality i would appreciate an actual good response about the reasoning behind it, instead of saying "self biased lazy" etc. I put some effort into writting this so please give an actual argument. I could also remove all threads regarding social equality and economic welfare systems by calling them tools to justify lazy irresponsible people. However i would find that not the right thing to do.

@Leo Gura I think he wanted to ask how does stupidity enhance a woman survival? If females attraction triggers are based on advancing her survival then why is intelligence not a prime catalyst of attraction? I mean after all, intelligence is primal for survival. That was his question.

@Hulia I think this shit is hard wired from evolution. Therefore think of it in terms of society was 100.000 years ago, what made you survive then, is what matters now. Same logic regarding food. Why you think the tastiest foods are full of fat, salt and sugar. Also an intelligent person will tend to be funny (most comedians have reported high iq), status and success. Of course you have plenty of foolish idiots getting girls.

Finally someone speaking reality. This is the truth girls! However Leo there have been cases where i got attracted to a girl way after i met her, maybe after talking to her for a dozen hours. Her personality won me over. However these were not like super hot girls, more like normal looking girls but their personality made me super attracted to them, even more than it would for a typical bland hot girl. So there is some nuance here. However i agree, guys usually know fast whether they want to sleep with a girl or not. Girls are the same though, if you are not her type you will not attract her regardless of your game. They are more flexible and will not sleep with just looks but a lot of girls will reject you simply because of your looks. I am curious, would you consider yourself a high value guy before you started pick up? I mean you were well educated, quite smart, good money wise, successful business, self developed and more consciouss than most people your age and not fat. Does that count as high value?

@Preety_India I love Basmati haha. Best rice by far! Easy to digest too.

@Preety_India Italians British and Slavic are confident yes.Belgians and germans are like swedish too. French are something in the middle