Karmadhi

It is interesting that out of all the things i have managed to do in my life, this is arguably the hardest for me. Adopting a daily meditation habit, going from very skinny to relatively muscular, graduating from a top 50 worldwide university, living abroad in another country very different from mine, going halfway through the achiever-pluralist transition, learning 2 foreign languages and greatly improving my social skills/humour/likability/confidence. NONE of these things were as hard as learning how to get better with girls. PS: this is more of a self-journal thing i was thinking about yesterday, i am not writting this to brag or anything. I am still a 23 year old jobless kid doing masters, not some successful englightned guru

@Chew211 The whole vibe is different, i cannot explain it. I will try though! @Leo Gura Yes you are right ,The only way i can do it with girls i am unsure of is to talk slowly, smile, flirty eye contact and witty/playful remarks. This is my flirt game at the moment, still beginner. I will try to improve it. Thank you for the advice.

@Federico del pueblo Thank you. From my personal experience there are 3 types of girls i have encountered. Type 1- Are into you and its not hard at all to get them and to flirt with them. Type 2- Neutral. If you act well you can get them, otherwise you are friendzoned (they will still like to hang out with you but will not be attracted sexually). Type 3- Will not be into you and there is not much you can do about it. Just move on as fast as possible. I can get results with type 1 but i struggle with type 2 a lot. I can identify type 1 without much difficulty but it is hard to tell type 2 from 3.

@Leo Gura Actually if you suck with attracting girls, you will not get ANY girls. Personally the girls i have had chances with were above average looking according to most people. It is very random, mostly depends on what their type is and how you behave around them. But a low value guy will not get any girls, it is not that he will get low value girls only. Otherwise incels would not exist.

@Leo Gura Agreed.

Something which i have realized these days is that whenever people criticize Green, they only talk about it's execesses. Yes, green has excesses and they are not really that good. However, what about the excesses of orange or blue? Try to compare some annoying SJW and feminazis with genocide, racism (toxic blue) or heartless capitalism (stage orange). You cannot compare. If you only talk about the good parts of orange and blue and the bad parts of green then of course green will seem shit. This is not an objective analysis though. You can talk to me 30 minutes about all the excesses and bad parts of green and i will 100 percent agree with everything you say. However, talk also about the excesses of blue and orange to make the argument fair. Complain as much as you want about SJW, you would pick such a society everyday over a racist society that treats you like dirt because of your ethnicity or a society where u work 14 hours a day without insurance for a minimum wage that is not enough to even get by. People tend to be bit arrogant and think of blue/orange in such a way that they are on top of it, they are the ethnic group that is "on power" or a good social class so they do not suffer excesses of capitalism. Meanwhile when it comes to green, they see themselves as oppressed by SJW because they cannot have "true free speech". Laughable!

@Leo Gura If i may ask, your need for girls is more sex or love based? Love i mean affection. Especially prior to your spiritual growth. Of course ideally you want and need both but if you could pick 1. So physical or emotional connection?

A nice video i found. Enjoyed it. Share your thoughts

@Leo Gura I think it depends on the individual also. I tend to have a relative feminine approach when it comes to these things. So i am less looks sensitive than some guys. Also depends how hot the girl is, if a girl is legit a 9-10/10 then it will be hard to avoid kissing her ass, however if she is a pretty/cute girl then it is not that hard with the mindset i wrote. Also you can place that importance you gave looks into something else. Maybe personality, values, sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, etc. Yes it is hard though, no question about that. Still easier than "no self"

@Leo Gura Actually i mindset that i have adopted lately which has worked really well is to stop caring about appearances in general. You notice it of course, you also can compare but you give no value to it. You treat it as you would treat some petty trivial thing. It started as a way for me to raise my self esteem, "not caring about how i look (after i did all i could to improve them ofc)", then i noticed it was not sustainable as long as i gave a lot of importance on how girls looked. The cognitive dissonance was too much so i just used the standard for everyone, myself included. Your video on "How to stop judging" inspired me. Just sharing it, it is a nice mindset to have i think. It has allowed me to be more and more unphased at a girl's beauty to the point where the way i act is almost the same between different hotness of girls.

@Leo Gura I mean what is wrong with taking 3-4 dates before having sex. As long as you are having a good time and getting somewhat physical she will not randomly stop talking to you, at least if she is a cool girl. So for hot girls you use different strategy than for average/decent girls?

@Leo Gura Have not you said in your "How to be a man part 2" that authenticiy is precisely what women are attracted to rather than steriotypical macho behavior. That is why you have feminine guys with girlfriends and people wonder how they got together, because the guy was authentic instead of playing a false macho facade.

Personally i have quite high standard when it comes to personality of a girl but not high at all when it comes to appearance. As long as she meets my minimum threashhold of looks i am good (which is not that hard to meet if a girl takes basic care of herself). Therefore i am willing to give a lot of girls a chance on a first date in case her personality ends up being really nice. Such guys are not as rare as you think, just try to find and date such people that give chances to average looking girls. There is a catch though, such guys often are not the most succesful guys with girls that get all the hot girls, but they will treat you well, love you and most importantly give you a chance to show who you are. Most guys are not like this, this is a relatively feminine way of dating and most guys are quite visual. However they do exist, just try to find them.

I have noticed that a lot of people here including Leo tend to basically say that it is a guy's job to approach, to plan the date, to create the connection, to lead, to build the attraction, the intimacy, the rapport, to make sex happen etc. Basically to do EVERYTHING. He also has to take care of himself and have a nice life on the side line so he does not become too clingy. Fair points and i personally agree for the most part. However may i ask what is the job/role of the girl on this whole dating dynamic/world? What is her role? I would like to know. And for the love of god do not write some bullshit answer like "to take care of her looks or to be pretty". Guys and girls both take care of their looks, both have it easier when attractive looking and harder when not attractive looking. These things are gender neutral for the most part.

@Globalcollective Females do. I do not mind working for things that are not basic needs. Meditation, life purpose and self actualization. Even things like money, success and social skills are cool. Not basic needs though.

@aurum You are trying quite hard to install a limiting belief in me like : "You cannot talk to girls by yourself, you need someone with you". I will do it solo if i want and so be it.

So a guy that is not into pickup is lame? That is quite a mature comment coming from you Leo...

That is totally fine. However there is no way i am spending dozens of hours on making friends i do not like just to get sex. I would rather hit on girls during that time. If i want to make friends just to get laid i can just do social circle, works much better. To me the whole point of pick up is to be self reliant about your sex life, kinda like being financially independent. Because of cancel culture, butthurt feminists and puas acting like juvenille douchebags online.

Then why so many guys get friendzoned by not making moves relative to girls getting friendzoned by not making moves? Yes and then infinite friendzones and rejections on my way :). I used to think like you said and got a dick in my mouth (metaphorically). Totally agreed however i feel like the base of your needs should be effortless. Then you can focus your effort into things like life purpose, spirituality, enlinghtement, self-actualization etc. Spending most of your time focusing on things like food, sex, shelter etc is simple poverty.

@Flowerfaeiry When i ask role of females i mean a thing that females specifically do. All you wrote applies for guys also. So for example guys approach-girls do not, guys ask on dates- girls do not. So stuff that a girl does but a guy does not.

@Chew211 A high quality girl can also find a guy super easy. High quality people have the ability to do so, it is not a gender thing. Why would a 40 year old women still be unmarried? She can easily get married in her 20s, early 30s and create a family. That is how family functioned through all of human history. Even a guy should be married by 40 (if he actually wants to get married). That applies for both genders.

@aurum Well my guy friends either have girlfriends, are not interested in pickup or do not enjoy going to bars/clubs. Solutions (outside going solo ofc)?

@Leo Gura My friends do not like going to clubs or have partners. Therefore i am required to go solo. Yes it is hard but grows you the most i think. I tried it once (kinda) and it was fucking hard but i enjoyed it in a strange way. I do not tend to vibe well at all with party animals and therefore it is more convienent for me to just go out alone than to spend dozens of hours befriending people i do not like and kissing their ass just to get them as a wingman. Personal choice i guess.

@somegirl I would agree, that is all i could think off too. I think these stupid gender roles need to stop. Girl can approach too, girl can make things happen too, girl can create chemistry and connection too. "It is a guy's job to do that" is quite sexist and limited statement.

Some girls are just very very paranoid, nothing you can do about it. I think most of them are not, you just got unlucky. Do not think much about it. I have talked with a lot of girls and i will tell you what the biggest red flags are for a guy when talking to a girl in the street (im not saying you did or do these things, just highlighting them for you). These are the things i have been told that creep out girls the most. 1. Touching her from the start in a creepy way- Huge huge red flag if you do it on the street, it really creeps girls out. If you want to get better at touching then go on a club or bar where touching girls asap is perfectly fine . By far the biggest thing that creeps girls out is a guy that starts touching them asap in weird creepy ways on the street. Very few can pull it off well. 2. Not displaying yourself properly- Meaning not dressing well, grooming well etc. Can make you look like a heroin addict or homeless person. 3. Talking in a creepy tone or catcalling- Self explanatory. 4. Asking about personal information without building much rapport- So things like phone numbers, relationship status, instagram etc. If you barely talked to a girl and ask her for these things it could creep her out. Asking them after they feel somewhat comfortable with you is the way you should do it. 5. Not knowing when to take no for an answer aka insisting a lot - You should definetly be a bit assertive and not give up from the start, but if you get a clear no and you keep insisting it can be super scary for the girl. Way to do it- Talk during the day prefarably on a busy place, be well dressed, keep bit of distance (at least at the start), approach from the front or side (not back), SMILE, make jokes, build some rapport before asking for personal information and if it does not work out then thank her for her time and go on without getting angry or insulting her).