PurpleTree

Also i‘m asking myself what if i‘m not special? because i think some of my issues stem from thinking i‘m soo special. Especially good/especially bad, especially ugly/especially beautiful etc. Growing up with a single mom, no siblings. And then standing out with a few things. Like being the only lefthanded kid in class. Being the kid who can draw best. Some people telling me sometimes i‘m special or different or not like the others etc. made me feel oh sooo special ?☺️ what if i‘m not special, what if my face is not special, what if my story isn’t special, what if my path isn’t special.

Yes on a picture

Questions i asked myself today and then tried to feel into them. what is it about my face that doesn’t deserve to be loved? What about my face in this moment isn‘t ok? what about my face keeps me unfree/constricted? what about my face isn’t good enough? And it‘s just a though Also tried to chat with my inner child a bit.

When i was 8 or 9 my lovely grandma died so i was already sad and vulnerable. So this huge kid at school smelled my weakness and started bullying me everyday. I even got suicidal-ish at that age. coming from a broken ish single parent household no siblings, i had nobody who could help me. At some point (months or years layer) i snapped and beat this bully up and then he left me. But other stuff happened. The school was pretty tough imo. Many kids got bullied, even some teachers got bullied. I think i often associated getting disrespected, or getting bad stuff happen to me with my face. and also i never really talked about these things and just kept everything for me because i was also ashamed. I got some health issues from swallowing everything like stomach issues even today.

When i’m very aware I usually feel constrictions around heart, solar plexus, gut, throat and head. Has anybody been able to get rid of such constrictions?

ok i’m interested in that, tell me how it goes.

Thank you gentlemen for the responses, i’ll try to look deeper i to them it’s interesting on some days the constrictions almost seem gone but on other days they are really strong and almost hurt a bit and are just very heavyweights

the person i hang the most with at the moment. Who prooved himself to be reliable, trustworthy, honest, not stingy. But he talks too much for me and superficial stuff that doesn‘t interest me like fashion brands, sports etc. Also he‘s braggadocios and the way he talks about women etc i find so lame. There‘s rarelly a deep subject, basically never. And i even tell him that doesn‘t interest me but he keeps on talking. I often try to look at it as a exercise to listen to this dumb stuff. But it just makes me tired and dizzy. I also met a more spiritual buddy but also he talked too much for me. I think it‘s also a me problem because i do get annoyed quite easily at people and the boring ssuperficial stuff they talk. I wish i wouldn‘t. but some buddies or women i really don‘t get bored or annoyed about what they have to say. thoughts?

Yes this calls itself „his highness“ now

You need a bum hole

Well it doesn‘t really happen with immigrants from vietnam, india, sri lanka, china, poland etc etc but i guess the numbers are also much higher etc

It probably also has to do with ADD if people tell me long winded unfunny stories i just zone out i wish i was more like sweet baby jesus who just loved everybody and listened to everything silence is better ?

Lamb is too cute to eat i only eat it like twice a year

For me its the 22:22

What if there’s nothing to change? nothing to change about myself nothing to change about reality

This stuff is probably very expensive, hard to get and mostly useless ?? but if somebody wants to give me some to try i’m open

What is ttfd i tried megadosing normal thiamine but it only helped for like a day or two

kids like to riot, it gives them a sense of adventure and purpose in their boring internet lifes. What‘s new

Seems like a good thing. There have to be other ways to help the less fortunate and wealthy. ( wrote this into the wrong topic before )

Seems like a good thing. There have to be other ways to help the less fortunate and wealthy.

?

True i‘ve been bullied a little bit as a kid and in ways it scarred my ego for life. Can‘t even imagine the pain of people who were bullied a lot. hehe ?

~ who am i ? ~

If god is everything. and you are god. what is fatigue?

For example sometimes i feel like i have this Krishna energy, which is a mix between ego and being conscious. And then sometimes i see a group of Indian people, then my ego thinks wow they must feel my Krishna energy now. They‘ll really be impressed and love me, maybe even worship me who knows ? it‘s so ridiculous. Or when peole stare at me, which i feel they do. My ego thinks that they can sense and feel how special i am Or right now i‘m travelling in Latin America. And then sometimes i‘m the only white person. And then i feel like i have to represent for white people. And make them see that white people can be very deep and spiritual. And when they look or stare at me. I think they recognize how special i am. It‘s so dumb. ? and many many other situations. it‘s this already narcissism or just normal ego stuff?