PurpleTree

How do you microdose ayahuasca?

It‘s not just that this is just a thought it‘s that basically everything always has just been a thought

Do you love your face? I have a weird relationship with my face, i already knew it but it showed me clearer on a trip. There’s a part of me which doesn’t accept nor love my face really. Another part of me loves it. I even get compliments, some hot girls really stare at me. And turn their heads. A girl once stopped and told me how attractive i am. What exactly is the issue i think ( it’s hard to know because it’s so old and ingrained) i look great from certain angles or when passing by. But my fear is ( i guess) that if people look at me for a longer time, they’ll see all my flaws and dislike me. Also i think my head it too big for my body. On the trip i got the urge to stare at me in th mirror untill i love myself which i did but i haven’t let go of it. it’s really hard to do anything if you don’t love your face fully. Like dating, interviews i have a big fear of zoom calls with many people or taking pictures with people which i look bad in and which will stay on the internet. it’s the control freak (ego) i guess which want to control peoples perception of me. Sometimes i try to get a good picture of me which can take a 100 tries. today i was walking on the street in the busy center while looking at people and asking myself. What about my face don’t i love/accept. What about my face keeps me unfree/constricted? i’m 38 and have a younger looking face, i think with the right beard i look good, without it i look childish. People sometimes called me milkface when i was young. Because i have a rather soft pale face. Thoughts on how best to get over that?

Thanks. Yours is great too

reading all these useless thoughts is exhausting women want someone who makes more money than their boss teal swan thinks demons are real ? it‘s just noise

Why don‘t you like my face? Am i really that ugly? It‘s bad i know. Noooo don‘t look at me ?

What‘s al-lad? They usually do for me on normal doses but my mind on them is often all over the place often impersonal horrors with luck they can resolve something , it‘s hard to focus on feelings etx

Yea i might try low dose shrooms + ket or md next

Any professional photographer around here?

I was in another country recently and could get thc gummies+keta which was a decent combo for that purpose imo thc gummies were low 10mg, here i can‘t find them so far. And was wondering if there‘s a better substance or combo for that anyways.

What about this moment isn’t good enough? Why is there resistance?

Yea although those are similar things i do already. From which angle do i look better etc. But i want to let go of that and feel free

For me it’s also the biggest fear in taking psychs

Nice. Did you do it alone?

There is no control there isn’t one who controls anything nor anyone who could control anything trying to control what can’t be controlled causes suffering but even that can’t be controlled

Is that you Zoidberg?

They don’t have to be very spiritual. But i’d want them to not be superficial and have an interest in life.

Yea maybe some kind of BP or Borderline or many things mixed

I go back and forth on thinking i’m great or horrible looking. Often i think i look good but then someone stares at moi which triggers some ptsd like shame response which is very strong in the body.

But my imaginary fake smile in that illusionary picture wasn‘t pretty ?

Also i‘m asking myself what if i‘m not special? because i think some of my issues stem from thinking i‘m soo special. Especially good/especially bad, especially ugly/especially beautiful etc. Growing up with a single mom, no siblings. And then standing out with a few things. Like being the only lefthanded kid in class. Being the kid who can draw best. Some people telling me sometimes i‘m special or different or not like the others etc. made me feel oh sooo special ?☺️ what if i‘m not special, what if my face is not special, what if my story isn’t special, what if my path isn’t special.

Yes on a picture

Questions i asked myself today and then tried to feel into them. what is it about my face that doesn’t deserve to be loved? What about my face in this moment isn‘t ok? what about my face keeps me unfree/constricted? what about my face isn’t good enough? And it‘s just a though Also tried to chat with my inner child a bit.

When i was 8 or 9 my lovely grandma died so i was already sad and vulnerable. So this huge kid at school smelled my weakness and started bullying me everyday. I even got suicidal-ish at that age. coming from a broken ish single parent household no siblings, i had nobody who could help me. At some point (months or years layer) i snapped and beat this bully up and then he left me. But other stuff happened. The school was pretty tough imo. Many kids got bullied, even some teachers got bullied. I think i often associated getting disrespected, or getting bad stuff happen to me with my face. and also i never really talked about these things and just kept everything for me because i was also ashamed. I got some health issues from swallowing everything like stomach issues even today.