Uncover

Hi, I'm a 27 years old guy, not very social. I spend most of my time on the computer. Work 8 hours on the computer, I come home and play World of Warcraft another couple hours. I noticed that every time I take a walk in the city and see a hot girl in tight leggings or whatever else shows some geometry, my brows frown and I'm filled with anger. So I'm almost all the time grumpy. I don't know what to do about it and how should I react to these feelings. Last time I got laid was 882 days ago, maybe this is also a factor. Me acting that way isn't going to get me anywhere, but I can't just fake it and smile. It's a vicious circle, being frustrated that I can't get a girl won't get me a girl. Yea, girls don't respond positively when I try to take them out. And when they do, I make sure to be so pessimistic that they change their mind. So I tell myself that I don't need them, and I get frustrated. And then try again, and get rejected, or a girl talks to me and I'm being pessimistic and she changes her mind. And I tell myself that I don't ever need girls... You got the point!

Hi, I'm a 28 years old guy from Romania. Firstly, when I say "healthier" I'm talking about the psychological side; to me, there's no phisical health benefit from masturbation. Well, no benefit at all, it will be better if I could just stop. I'm an introvert, worse, a shy introvert. And I suspect that masturbating to porn is the cause (or plays a big role) of my shyness. I'm extremely shy in some social situation, I blush and I make weird gestures sometimes. Thus, girls don't find me attractive. You need to be an Alpha, not a simp. Anyways, there's a lot to be said on this, so I leave it aside. The point is that I can't get a girl, thus I can't see myself getting laid in the near- distant future. Last time I got laid was more than two years ago. And my only means of getting girls are online.. on facebook; and the girls don't even respond to my friend request. Few that they do are either married, taked or don't respond to my texts. Online "dating" it's not a thing for me. Face to face it's better, if I can set a date online frist. Like, I will never go approaching unknoun girls in real life, don't wanna invade their privacy or creep them out. I noticed that when I masturbated without porn for a while the syness decreased and I was able to talk more easily to girls, and be more outgoing. However, I can't really say if this was because I masturbated without porn or simply because I masturbated and thus I took away some of that phisical tension (lust?). Because I notice that if I abstain completely from porn/masturbation for like 5-6 days my shyness also increases, especially aroung beautiful girls. I know, I'm childish given my age. No wonder I can't get laid. Anyways, I think I'll just masturbate without porn when I feel the urge to watch porn. The urge usually goes away after I masturbate. I'll see how it goes. Btw, I used to consume porn on a daily basis, now I do it once in 3-4 days. Any insights are welcoming

Hi, I'm a 28 years old guy and I work as an accountant earning around 600 Eur a month, in Romania. I grew up in a rather modest family, on the countryside with my father earning barely enough to survive, so we worked hard, learning the saving mentality, rather than the spending mentality. But this question crossed my mind when a coworker asked me if if I will buy the Retail verison or Warcraft to play together (aroune 50 Eur for the expansion plus 13 EUR monthly subscritpion). As much as I wanted to play with him I pondered heavily. I see it as I see people smoking, a waste of money in the end; even tho I very much enjoy the free version of the game. However, what struck me was that he said something like this "if we take things like this, being too tight with money we aren't gonna enjoy anything in life". And I see him dressed in rather expensive clothes, driving a nice Mercedes, has a nice gaming laptop, warcraft subscription, basically, he spends his money on everything he enjoys. On the other hand, I'm quite on the opposite, I wear the same leather shoes I was wearing more than two years ago, I wear pretty much the same clothes, since they didn't tear :)), I eat cheap food, I'm skinny, even though I have money for this stuff. I'm saving as much as I can, maybe because I know how it is not to have money. The largest spending was that I bought myself a rather cheap WV golf 5 out of necessity, around 2300 Eur. Should I adopt a little of my friend's mentality? Shall I buy Warcraft? :)) My monthly expenses will be the 150 eur flat rent, and the ocasional car expenses or other; the point is that leaves me enough money after salary. And I have some savings. A side note. What warcraft taught me, is that I can't get to the next level if I don't upgrade myself. Your insights much appreciated.

Hi, I am a 26 years old guy, an introvert. I had mostly bad experiences with girls. I'm working as an accountant in a two stores building. We recently had a new colleague girl on another team than me. I looked her up on facebook then I texted her on messenger on September 06. We talked a little about work then I invited her out. She wrote me that we'll see each other over lunchbreak the next day. On the following day I went to lunchbreak. We have two tables, one smaller, around 6 persons, and the other larger, around 12-15 persons, so it's a small place (introverts don't like this) with many known people. So, there she was, sitting alone at the 6 persons table facing towards me. I was with my 4 colleagues. She smiled and said "Hi". I smiled, turned my back on her and took a place at the other table leaving her alone. She didn't reply to my texts on messenger since then. I was overwhelmed with fear, very anxious to sit in front of her. Maybe because I like her? Because I'm afraid that I'll make a fool of myself in front of my colleagues? That I'll disappoint her? That there are girls which I asked out some time ago and rejected my invitation, and they'll watch us? I never really talked much over lunchbreak, not even with my colleagues, and it's 5 years since I'm working in this building. I'm afraid of judgement, I guess. I was on my 6th no nut day, which is a lot for me, I usually do it around 2 days (watching porn); now I'm on my third. Maybe that amplified the anxiety. And it's been 2 years since I got laid. However, today I texted her on hangouts (work chat). She replied, we talked a little about work again, like nothing happened, then I invited her out again. Again, she said " we'll talk tomorrow over lunch". And now I'm all "pepsi" :)) so stressed out. What if that experience will repeat again? What if I'll start shaking again and won't be able to sit in front of her? If I sit in front of her, what if I simply freeze and lose my words? What should I do to keep my calm tomorrow? Any advice greatly appreciated.

Thank you guys for the insights! ^^ Unfortunately, she left the company a week later and we didn't keep in touch. It's just a story in the past now. I didn't meet another since. And that's fine. Actually, a 15 years old girl fell for me, but this is out of the question. God makin' jokes

That's usually how it goes here ? We have 2 married couples, with kids, who met in this building. So yeah, who knows? Now, I really don't know what to do anymore. Positive and negative replies :)) Guess I start praying, literarily, I'm orthodox.

But why? ?? Well, should I not text her tomorrow? I'll see if she texts me.. I guess she won't. Did I get creepy? I'm even more discouraged nou. Like, I don't want to have to deal with girls ever again.

Great answer! Except, I have ZERO dating opportunities outside work. Even on tinder I didn't get ant matches and I uninstalled it. On facebook girls don't accept my friend request. If some do, they are either taken, or they don't reply to my texts. And face to face I have no place to meet new girls. Since I come from work then I go in my 3 square feet room and spend the rest of the evening alone there, like, day by day. It's a small city, with very little to do. I went to a gym 3 months ago, I got an accident and I stopped going. However, after gym I would still come back my empty cave. So the gym was just a little "refresh".

Well, I felt the fear and did it anyway. It felt great, and it went quite well, but we only talked about work. Today was the second time we talked at work (half an hour face 2 face), I was less anxious. However, I don't see it going somewhere. We don't talk by texting, she ignores my texts if I write her. We only talk face 2 face over lunch break and I don't understand why. I get the impression that she doesn't want anything with me, but I also see her interested somehow; I can't understand her. Idk what to do. After lunch break I texted her on the work chat (hangouts) if she wants to go out after work. She simply replied "I can't today". I said: "how about sunday evening? Or whenever you are free" (alongside 3 more sentences which she saw and ignored, I deleted them all). Tomorrow I'll ask her again if we can talk over lunch break. Most likely she will say yes. Even though, I don't like talking over lunch break because we don't have privacy and we can't talk personal things. Like today.. after 10 mins alone another colleague came and joined our table, It seemed that this new colleague was the center if attention now, the conversation revolved around her mostly somehow. So yes, we kinda lost contact at that point, I felt her like wanting to leave. Well, I'll see tomorrow, but I'm not very optimistic.

Hi, I’m a 26 years old young man and I want to start with a little bit about me before addressing the problem. About my lifestyle - I live alone in a rented place, working from home. That means I spend my time day by day alone in the same room mostly, except going out for groceries and one in two or three week-ends I drive to my hometown to see my parents. I spend a lot of time in front of screens: I wake up 6:50 AM eat, wash, then I’m on my phone till 7:36 when I jump in front of two PC screens and start my work, I’m working as an Economist. I end my work at 4:30 PM if no extra hours. Then I eat, wash and browse my cellphone again, social media, youtube or games. Somewhere around 7PM I open my laptop and watch movie series, play games and, my problem, watch porn and masturbate. Sometimes I masturbate as often as every night and even in the mornings in some week-ends. Yes, I suffer of porn addiction and I want to end this cycle of misery. Till date it’s been more than a week since I didn’t engage in porn or masturbation. I did read “The easy peasy way”, maybe it’s working? But I’m getting more anxious and I can’t sleep well at night, I have nightmares or erotic dreams and I wake up in the middle of the night. As you may guess, my body also has to suffer from this routine. It is pretty frail, I eat little. The “food” I consume more often is the dopamine for my brain, it’s like a substitute for the real food. I eat three meals a day but little of it. And I guess that what I eat is consumed fast by the brain’s highly stimulated activity. On social media I spend a lot of time browsing for girls. As you may guess, I’m single. It’s been more than a year since I touched a girl. It’s fair to say that I’m quite desperate for a girlfriend. It’s obvious that I’m not getting one with how I am now. Girls can sense a desperate guy. More than that, I had this situation yesterday which frightened me and urged me to make a change and improve my life. It was yesterday when I realized my lust and desperation for girls. There was this stranger, a girl which gave me a haircut and nothing more. I liked her and I tried to talk to her on messenger. She rejected me, I insisted in a way which revealed how frustrated I am. I guess I scared her because in a few moments I got two messages from two guys threatening me to stop messaging her or I’ll end up in hospital. She could have just blocked me, not send “mafia” to me. This was the first time when I was ever threatened because of a girl. Now my mind even starts considering castration. Because I can’t really end my lust for girls otherwise. Or can I? Would you be so kind as to advise me how to kill my lust for girls? Or at some point it will kill me (literarily, as I can see). I can’t just “put it to sleep” because I’m not getting any girls.. I have to kill my lust for girls! How?! Peace

Hi, Yesterday it was my girlfriend's birthday, she turned 24. We have 10 months since we're together. I am 23 years old and she is my first girlfriend. We don't have sex so often. Once a week or not even. I've never had sex without a condom, I'm not familiar with the sensation. But i'm craving it. She said that we will, after she takes birth control pills. She fears pregnancy. She wanted to have sex. I drank a ~300 ml beer can before (I don't know if it had anything to do with my problem, but maybe?). We always had sex in the dark, that's how she likes it, only in the dark. So, we started kissing and touching, I started playing with her butt and so on, like 2 mins. I thought that I'm ready to put the condom on. We stopped, and put the condom. In the meantime the penis got softer. It wasn't hard enough to begin with. It's never hard enough. So she wanted from behind, I tried hard but I couldn't get it in, it was too soft. So she went on top of me and eventually got it in and in 5 seconds, not more, I ejaculated. Every time she gets on top I ejaculate when she puts it in. And it's with condom, imagine without.. There were times, of course, when I lasted let's say, 10 mins but not more. That was when I fucked her from behind, and took my time, really slow and focused. When she said "faster", I ejaculated. My penis is small, ~13 cm erect. It's so frustrating. She asked me if we can go again. I couldn't.. She went to sleep disappointed. Now we didn't talk since that happened. She was patient with me, but I couldn't solve my problem. We broke up before because of this. We have another problem too, and I don't know if we're gonna get over it this time.. But this adds to it. If only the sex was good, it would have been better. I don't know why I'm posting it, I don't know when I'm going to have sex again. I don't know if we'll still be together. Anyway, just in case, can I ever solve my sexual problem? What should I do? Any advice is great! Gratefully, Uncover

@Lubomir No, I never have problems with erection when watching porn, it gets up so fast. There might have been many reasons why I couldn't get an erection while I was with her. One o them being that I'm overstimulating my brain with porn and I guess I am no able to find the real thing as exciting as porn. Plus, maybe I didn't have the mood for sex. There were often tensions between us, we were often arguing.

@Chew211 C.C. @Shiva99 @Meetjoeblack @GeorgeSpikes @universe @Aeris @Serotoninluv @Lubomir So all this is because I watch(ed) a lot of porn.. Now I can see. Good advice, but now I have no sexual partner, she's gone. And I got deeper into watching porn and masturbating after the break-up. I watch porn daily, it's so easy, everyday with my phone in my hand and now isolated also, alone. Only a couple books and 4 screens, I choose the screens of course (gaming, anime, movies, music, work from home-junior accountant). Always in front of screens to the point that my eyes and head hurt. I'm a freaking dopamine addict. Can I ever ease a bit this neurotic behavior? I witness the negative effects porn and masturbation has on me and I want to stop. Actually, I don't want (I'm addicted), I intend to stop. I wonder how my life will look like without this negative behavior. I guess frequent porn and masturbation has also something to do with my shyness, lack of confidence and most of all, anxiety problem, which is so damaging for me. I failed the driving test 4 times because of anxiety. The 5th time I took a calming pill and passed with 3 penalty points. I also have social anxiety, I can't even watch people in the eyes most of the times. I guess it's also because of frequent porn and masturbation. Because I noticed that I can interact more easy and keep my composure around people when I haven't watched porn or masturbated in 3-4 days (yes, that happens-miracle). And now the anxiety with Covid-19, even though I'm healthy and isolated (for now). My question to you, are there some practical steps to take in order to limit the consumption of porn and masturbation? Because it's obvious that I can't just stop. Are there some ways to block porn on my laptop without resorting to paid apps? On my phone I can do that but it won't work on my laptop (it's about using DNS). Your answer will be much appreciated. Peace, Uncover

@Shiva99 A lot.

Hi, I recently stumbled upon this "Kakeibo- The Japanese Art of Budgeting & Saving Money" method. This is the essential tool used by any money-savvy Japanese to manage the household finances. I first watched a video of this and wanted to apply this system into my life, to better manage my money and save more. But I couldn't find any excel template and I'm not good with excel to create one. Do you know if any kakaeibo excel tepmlate exists? Could you please attach here one for me? Or give me a link? Or what other personal money management method do you guys use? Anyone who uses a good budget system to better manage personal money and save more? Could you please attach a excel template? That will be much appreciated. Thank you in advance, Uncover

Hi, I know it’s a lot to read but please bear with me, I need your help and advice. Let me start by telling you the story of me and my sister. I have 2 years since I’m employed as a junior accountant. I have now reached a salary of 430 Eur net/month. My sister has around a year and a half of employment with a salary of around 380 Eur net/month. I live in an rented apartment on a 140 Eur/ month rent. My sister lives in the college dormitory with 41 Eur to pay for rent. Now the interesting part comes into play. So far she managed to save around 6000 Eur. And my bank account shows 650 Eur. Yes, it is true, I kept on spending since the day I got hired. I changed 2 phones, I had a girlfriend and I went out frequently not looking at money. I bought her presents often. That (and my only) relationship lasted 8 months. My sister on the other hand doesn’t have other expenses than the rent 41 Eur and the costs of living which, I am sure, doesn’t exceed the rent/month. She doesn’t wear make-up, doesn’t buy clothes, shoes only when necessary. She spent on her phone 62 Eur while I spent on mine 1800 Eur. The idea is that I’m a spender and I want to take charge of my money, now. The decision came when I stumbled upon the “Super affiliate marketing” program which would teach you how to make money online. It seemed pretty solid and I saw there that is 49$. So, I thought, what the heck, it’s worth it. So I immediately pulled out my credit card and purchased the training course, which I didn’t even finish yet. The funny part is that when I checked my bank account I was stupefied to find out that I’m missing 460 Eur. I texted the guy who was advertising this training and asked him how much it was. So , he told me that indeed, the training had some parts that costed more. But I would have liked to at least be noticed of that before hitting the submit button or 460 Eur. Money that I’m pretty sure I’ll never recover. Not through them. Just imagine the anger and frustration. That was also the day when I told my sister and I have 650 Eur and she replied: Why you don’t have 6000? What did you do with the money?” I was and I am so angry and frustrated. I looked into the ways to take to be more responsible and accountable for my money and to save more. I was thinking of opening a savings account. But 10% of it goes to the government, so I’m thinking again. With my amount the interest rate would be around 0.80%/ year. I don’t know if it’s worth it, in these conditions. I was even thinking of giving a large amount to my father for keeping so I won’t touch them. So I’ll only spend money on necessities. Another option would have been to withdraw them and keep them in envelopes which I’ll never touch, what do you think? I have a credit card where my salary goes, and I use it for every financial decision I make. What should I do better? I was also thinking of moving the large part of my salary on my currency account, (my current account is RON and the currency account will be EUR. But I guess I will be losing from the currency differences) and leaving only the necessary for the costs of living. The point is that I want a part of my money to be somewhere I can’t touch them. So what are the solutions? What other reasonable options will there be for me? How can I better manage my money? @Leo Gura Could you please advise me? Any advice will be highly appreciated! Best regards, Uncover

Hi, I'm a 24 years old young guy. I recently, ~3 weeks ago, me and my girlfriend broke up. I didn't have a girlfriend before her and I was craving one for so long. We've been together ~10 months. Now I find myself browsing facebook, instagram and tinder profiles like crazy hoping I would find another. The thing is that no girl wants me. This adds to my persistence. Now a thought crossed my mind. Like, what am I doing? Is it really necessary to be with someone? Why I'm trying so hard to have someone in my life? No, I don't necessary need a girlfriend for sex. I'm not good at it, the girlfriend I had was only disappointed with me because of this. I'm good with jerking off from time to time and that's all. So what else for would I crave a girl so much? Love? What is that? Usually the feeling of being in love fades away in time. And I can't really love truly. I have so many preconceptions and even hate towards some people, so how can I be capable of real love? To be with someone to only satisfy some needs? I don't like that. So what reason can I have to seek a relationship? I'm not even decided whether or not to marry, even though all my relatives ask me about this. I think I don't want to. My parents keep on repeating me to marry or otherwise I'll end up alone at the old age. Should I be scared of it and marry? I can't grasp the deep meaning of a relationship. Why seek another? How do you see it? Plus of that, the relationships are full of problems, like a lot! I'm good alone. Thanks, Uncover

We broke up

Hi, I'm a 23 years old guy. So, I met this girl ~10 months ago. She have darker skin, some people would call her type gypsy even though, in my honest opinion, she isn't. My parents are part of "some people". They never meet her. From the day they saw her photo they (mostly my father) started mocking her and me for being with her. Her parent like me and I like them. I had a fight with my parents back then because of this. I really like this girl. I didn't went home for months. I really despised the fact that they mocked her. I told her that my parents don't agree with our relationship and that my father mocked her and me. So she was really angry and disappointed and decided that she'll never meet my parents. So time passed, we kinda put this matter away and enjoyed our time together. Some time ago I told her that we have a wedding in my family and that I'd be happy if she'll accompany me. Obviously, she refused for the obvious reason of being hurt by my parents. I was disappointed. Time passed. A couple days ago she told me that she has a wedding in her family and that she'll like me to accompany her. Without thinking, I faltered a moment then declined. She asked me why, because she didn't want to come to mine? I nod my head yes. So we fight over this, she said that I don't want to go because of my vanity, that I have too big of an ego. She said that it's a big difference, that I'm welcomed there but she's not so welcomed at my wedding. She was right in both matters no matter how much I tried to turn it around. So we kept arguing on this matter and at some point I said the devastating words "this kind of people". She: " this kind of people? So, it means I'm part of -this kind of people- is that so?" It means even you think like your parents". It was also her birthday, she cried. I didn't try to deny it because I don't really like gypsy people because of their violent and nasty behavior. I tried to assure her that she's not part of "that kind of people" and that I really care about her. She said that said "this kind of people" and that it results that she's part of that. I tried to explain to her that just because she has darker skin she isn't part of "that kind of people". Of course, there shouldn't be any kind of people, we are all humans, but in my head there is. That's even how my parents raised me, to despise gypsy people. She wasn't convinced and she'll never be. She said that I have preconceived ideas regarding her. We didn't talk and I don't know if we'll ever again. She's really serious about this. Is there anything I can do, or I should accept that this is over and avoid "this kind of people"? Even if we talk again, our relationship will never work. She'll never want to face my parents. And my parents will always despise her. But I really care for her. I don't want it to be over but what's there to be done? Gratefully Uncover

Hi, I'm a 23 years old guy. For my age it'll be absurd to say this, but I'm most of the time sluggish and have no energy. Maybe because of my routines/habits. I think I'm more mentally exhausted than physically. At work I'm sleepy most of the time and make a lot of mistakes which have really bad consequences. I eat quite poor in the morning before going to work and two sandwiches at noon, just a little better in the evening. At work I spend 8 hours in front of two monitors then when I get home I go straight to my laptop. Then go to sleep with my phone in my hand, usually every time at 12 in the night. I wake up before alarm usually every time around 6:25 AM. I wake up pretty fresh, I try to sleep till 7:00 then I wake up more tired. Maybe I should make some changes? What should I do to have more energy? I'm really not being productive at work and my my supervisor said she'll report me if I continue making mistakes. I don't even really enjoy the job. I feel pretty lost. I'm thinking to quit my job if I can't get better. It just demands attention, not rocket science. It's booking of invoices. Maybe I'll get fired. I'm thinking to take magnesium pills or start drinking coffee. I don't drink coffee now. What do you advise me to do? Gratefully, Uncover

Are there any books that maybe can help me solve my racism problem? I don't really know how to get rid of my conditioning.

@Serotoninluv So, about my relationship. I stay passive and accept its' ending..? @Leo Gura What are your thoughts on this? I should do nothing?

@Lubomir No, she's not ashamed of her body, she's really sexy (for me). She just likes it at night, in the dark. She says that that's when she feels most comfortable. No, I don't have problems with erection when watching porn. It gets up pretty fast. She kinda surprised me, I didn't expect her to ask me to have sex. I wasn't really ready. I wasn't in the mood. We had some arguments before, we were both sad. Now we aren't talking.

Hi, So, today my girlfriend asked me this question "why do you like me". She told me that she doesn't like the idea to be with someone just because he considers her beautiful. She said she's looking for a meaningful relationship. Me as well. Maybe she's thinking that way because I tell her everyday that she's beautiful. Frankly, there are many girls more beautiful than she is. But I like her more. I couldn't explain her so well why do I like her. I could tell that she wasn't very satisfied with my answers. Even now as I'm thinking, I can't find many answers. I told her that because she's kind and altruistic, joyful playful and beautiful. Sunday is her birthday. Maybe I don't really like her that much, and that'd be the cause why I can't find the reasons? But I feel happy when I'm with her. She asked me this before. I couldn't find many answers as well. We broke up for 3 months. We know eachother since september 15. 2018. She also told me that I can tell her everything, and usually I do. But I'm not the type to talk about deep heartlike stuff, I can't open that much with nobody, not evem myself. I'm an introvert. I really care about us. How can I make our relationship more meaningful? Uncover

Hi, Firstly, I apologize for my poor English, I'm not a native. Now, I have a job that demands a consistent degree of attention. In the morning I would start working with attention and interest. However, after some time, especially in the afternoon, I would enter on autopilot. I'm doing everything automatically. My work now consists largely of booking invoices. The problem is that I make mistakes quite often. Like, I don't observe that the invoice has two VAT quotes. Or, I don't notice that the account I used to book the invoice was corrected before. Or, that the invoice must be activated because it has a large amount. Or that it must be accrued. These are just some examples. My boss is really angry that I make mistakes so often. I am also angry at myself. Because I know all these things but I simply miss taking everything into account sometimes. Maybe is even because I get tired after some time, or I get hungry, especially in the afternoon. The problem might also be that I'm not excited in what I'm doing. I'm doing it just because it must be done. My mind just drifts away after a little time when I start working. I enter autopilot mode. Actually I can't keep my attention on anything for a longer period of time. I start thinking about something else. What'll have for dinner, what to buy for my girlfriend's birthday, where to take her out. All kinds of random stuff, just not on what I'm doing. Maybe my phone also contributed to my poor concentration. How can I keep my attention fully on what I'm doing? Well, that's actually not possible. But, how can I become more aware? Gratefully, Uncover