SamC

@Javfly33 The solution is in grasping what enmeshment trauma. That's the core problem as to why you're suffering from perfectionism. Understanding that spells out the solution. You need in other words to research this yourself to fully understand it but in short, you would benefit greatly to learn how to trust yourself and come to peace with yourself + learn to set boundaries but at the same time learn to love and accept who you are for who you are. This is for example done through fragmentation work, self love/ self acceptance work, boundaries and conciousness work. Right now you feel like you're not enough as you are and that's because your enmeshment trauma have learned you to belive that you're worthless as you are and that you need to change the person you are in order to fit in. The solution is to heal that wound that says that who you are right now, isn't enough. This means learning to love and accept all of yourself, Including that person who is scared and dont assert himself. If you ever wonderd why you always feel like who you are gets " destroyed " when you're with other people, here is why. You play roles to fit in becuaee you have been forced to sacrifice your own needs, wants and desires in order to get love and belonging earlier in your childhood. That's also why you're so desperately searching to assert and stand up to yourself, because that's your healing path. Here are some good vids about the topic. Hope that helps.

You blame yourself becuase you have a core belief that you are worthless and that you need to change. I feel you man. I struggle with this too. Again, you judge yourself for doing that becuase you belive there is something wrong with you. This is due to your low self esteem. Look up the term enmeshment trauma. Right now you feel like you dont have a separate self when you're with other people. You people please and manipulate the environment in order to get belonging. This is due to your childhood, where you didnt get love for who you was but for what you did. You had to mirror your parents wants and behaviors in order to receive love and belonging.

@rnd I think you think like this because of fomo and low self esteem. You don't want others to do well because you think that If others succeed you will be less. The reason why you don't see the value in sharing it is because your big fat ego and selfishness + because you're so attached to be better than other people to have a sense of self worth.

No, I am not enlightend. My problem is that I don't even know my ego self. All my life I've been playing a persona that is not me in order to get love and now I have realized that don't even know who I am. I only know how to play and adapt to other people. When I manage to play that persona effectively and really belive that I am that person many people belive that I am super charismatic, charming, confident, extroverted and with little fear over what people think. As soon as I in one way or another leave that role however, I feel super socially anxious, uncertain, insecure and unworthy and people of course notice that also. The fear is always there of corse, but the real problem is that I don't know who I am + even dare to be that person. The root problem is low self esteem caused by enmeshment trauma. Does anyone have any reccomend soultions to this challenging situation? What is your advice to finding oneself? All tips, recommended recorces, ideas and input are welcome. Thank you! @Leo Gura

❤❤❤ right back at you@Surfingthewave

Of Course. Your passion for that type of online marketing might be your nisch ( entrepreneurship) Yeah, so why don't you invent something that's related to it that you can market + meanwhile practice your marketing skills, or market yourself as someone who helps people market their high conciousness Idea and make profit on their high conciousness idea. If you so that, then you can help people to become higher conciousness. I'm just idea bombing, take what you can. You got this.

@Sandy6 I think that your approach in trying to figure this out logicially is what is holding you back. What does your heart want to do? Do some small bets on that and see how you feel. LP is not about logic, it's about what you want and what you love to do. Do what your soul is obsessed with. That's your L.P. Also remember the dunning Kruger effect. If you know that you're not excellent yet at something you love to do, than you're probably a lot better than you belive you are. If you have deep passion for it, you're probably very good at it.

Do you have a commonplace book where you have taken notes and saved all the exercises you've done? I have done the L.P course and found my L.P and what I discovered was that the answer could be found if you look for the pattern in all your answers. Also remember, the LP often is so obvious that you overlook it. Your LP is often what you do all the time.

@Eren Eeager Selective mutism is a diagnosis for severe social anxiety. I don't know if that's what you have becuase it's rare but I might aswell mention it so that you can investigate it for yourself. I sometimes experience something similar when I am super anxious in general or when I am super self concious and am talking to someone who I am super scared to upset or say something "wrong" to. When this happens I lock myself and have trouble talking in a way that is fluent and charismatic + usually become really quiet because. I don't think this is exactly it though. You're talking about when you really can't find any words, right?

They can talk about it with guys they know, trust and have fucked. Not with a random guy on a random app as the first question of the day. It's all about context. Porn is a super weird opener and topic to talk about with a stranger btw.. Do you even talk about this with your friends lol? I think you try to use porn as a way into a sexual convo, not becuase it is a super facinating topic. And that's probably what the girls that call you a creep sense aswell. They sense your neediness and that you want something from them. Your approach is to take value from them without having to give anything back. You want something valueble and expect to get it for free without giving the girl what she wants in order for her to feel comfortable and want to have that convo with you. Your approach is backwards.

@Surfingthewave ??? right on the nail. I did a self hypnosis earlier this morning and realized that I haven't allowed my inner child to be the one who he is. That's because of my enmeshment trauma. What I am is everything I want to be. The only problem is that I have denied myself to be that person because I have thought that that person isn't valued and loved. I think I finally start to get how one is oneself. My value is just that I deserve be and have all that I want to have, sinply because I am that unique self expression of love and energy. That in itself makes me justified to be who I am. Love <3

@seeking_brilliance

This!??? may I ask, how long did it take for you to find your authentic self after you noticed that you didn't exsist? Lol

What do you do when you don't have to do anything?@Sandy6

Brake up. I know it's hard but the longer you stay the more you will suffer.

Focus on one thing at a time bro. That's the key. Also take Leo's Life purpose course to develop your vision. If I were you I would start with the LP course and than try to do 1 vid everyday where you take notes and do all the exercises. If you do that, you will develop a compelling vision for your future and can than start to chip away at it. Remember though - 1 thing at a time. Focus. You.got.this

@Preety_India Yeah and one of the stubborn patterns is that there is something wrong with me and that I need to get fixed. I am trying to fix myself in order to become someone who is worthy which basically is = enmeshment trauma pattern in action. One way to heal is to stop trying to fix myself. There is nothing wrong with me.

???????? I will. It seems a bit odd when I look around though becuase I don't think I am that fucked up. In one way I think the" problem" is that I even belive that I have a problem. What do you say about this statement?@Preety_India

Thanks a ton man! I really appreciate the recomended recorses

@Hermaeus Mora Yes. Requisite variety on page 7. It's a must watch

Yup that's what I do aswell. Thank you! Where do I find the journal? I have no idea where it is. What else did you do to find your authentic self? Any tips and suggestions?

This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks man!@ivankiss

Well said

So apparently there is a term for a person who is super narcissistic but at the same time higly sensitive ( empathetic) The hypersensitive narcissist. Dun dun duuuuuuun I didn't know this existed untill very recently when I stumbled on the term. That's why I am sharing it; cause I know a lot of my people pleaser gals and girls would benefit from hearing it and chanses are, you won't find it yourself. Here are some common signs: 1 - Subconcious gaslighting. They always deny your experience/ opinion/ feeling and project the problem on to you. This happens not because they want to hurt you neccerly, but because they use projection to avoid the shame of seeing the problem within themselves. 2 - Hypersensitive to criticism. This goes hand In hand with the first point. They can't handle any form of criticism that doesn't fit with their desired self image/ view of the world. Projection is used, and it will always, always according to them be you that needs to change. 3: Intense rage outbursts and feeling of resentment towards other people when they don't feel like they are treated like they are special. 4: Felings of entitlement and superiority over other people Now to the fun part. * listen closely if you're a person who has low self esteem and tries to become something in someone's eyes to be accepted ( play a role, have emeshment trauma) The narcissist will always say that it is YOUR fault and you will belive them because you fundamentally believe that you always is the problem. That's why you're so scared of making mistakes and asserting yourself. It is therefor extra important to become aware of this, because otherwise you will always belive that it is your fault... when it is not. There is nothing wrong with you or your experience. Hypersensitive narcissists exsists too. Develop self trust and learn to assert yourself - cause your feelings, opinions and thoughts are valid. There is not something wrong with you. Feel free to add more thoughts and comments about this, cause this is something that really needs to be discussed! Love Here is some recorses about this topic for those who are interested! https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201905/three-signs-highly-sensitive-narcissist

Of corse narccism is ego but it's not = ego. Narccism is just a component and a strategy for the ego. One can use a different coping strategy and have have as much ego ( be on the same frequency as someone who is a highly sensitive narccist. An example of the opposite strategy is extreme people pleasing and taking blame for everyone and everything. That's also why people with enmeshment trauma often end up with people with highly sensitive narccism. Opposites of the same frequency attract.