SamC

Go for it!

Yeah a lot. I call this I am above that/ over that bias XDXD

Agreed! (: This is all I wanted. Thank you. It felt like you thought that I wanted to preach and not help you/ wanted to hurt you. This makes me feel understood!

Oh you mean it like that. I thought the meems where for shit and giggles XDXD. I am sorry if that's your experience, it's not what I am trying to do. I am trying to help you but it's very hard to help you when you don't want to listen and instead say that I am preaching when I give you my perspective and what I genuinely belive would help you. You don't have to consider it as true or helpful but realize I am not trying to preach to you - I am trying to help you, and if someone would do that to me, I would be thankful, for whatever I got, eventhough it might not be helpful. You're the one asking for help here and then when you get help you put your head in the sand and say that the other person's advice sucks and is preaching.

I'm the one to the right XDXD

@mememe It's all jokes my manXDXD don't take my playfulness the wrong way. Lots of love towards you! Have a nice day

@mememe At least I don't have a meme in my name you must be a very reactive shallow person!XDXD

@mememe Then Leo is the head master of selfishness

1: Stop with the ruler techniques, I tried to help you. 2: You need to go full circle

@Preety_India Notice how what you're trying to do, is the same thing as when a man who is a "nice guy" tries to swing the pendulum to the other side and become a mean selfish asshole. You shouldn't try to be selfish, you should try to be more selfless and loving. You need to work to be more selfless with a capital S. Your selflessness right now is not selflessness, its selfishness. Raise your awareness, your self love and work on healing and parts work. That's counterintuitively how you will learn to set firmer boundaries and prioritize yourself more than others. You need to go full circle! Right now you're prioritizing others becuase you're selfish and insecure + feel like you need to do that in order to get love. Notice that!

Lmao

I don't understand what you mean. How is a dense ideological position a feature and not a bug? Well yeah, of course - to a modification. For me to express that I feel missunderstood and that I want to feel understoos is healing. My insecurities comes from enmeshment trauma and not talking about how things feel for me and standing up for my needs/ selling myself short. See, sometimes a part of the healing process is to go with the ride. Should I not get triggered? Well, yes and no, but regardless of what, I need to practice to atleast ask to be understood and by that learn to be okey with not being understood. My first hope in replying to Emerald was for her to Express her trauma and self biases so that I could learn seeing them in myself. She was not intrested in doing that though, which is fine. I'm not trying to attract anyone here XDXD

How is it a predictable feuture? Why is it not a bug. Tell me more, that's sounds interesting XDXD Well, it's only important because I have a trauma around not being understood and that I want to be understood and that I feel even more missunderstood when woman say that men cannot be missunderstood becuase that's my experience, my childhood trauma, that I have been missunderstood. I feel missunderstood by woman and think that I will be healed when woman understand me. @Harlen Kelly

@Preety_India More gaslighting. I do want to understand woman and I think I understand woman a lot better than before.. like for real Preety. I even PM ed you asking for help to understand woman better and you helped me, I genuinely do and if that is not putting in effort I don't know what is. Hell, I even opened up a thread about what I am missing with Jordan Petersen/ feminism and am planning to read books about feminism and more. Stop telling me I don't want to. I know what I want. This just makes me sad and hurt, like come on! I understand that you don't want to open up to the masculine perspective which have hurt you and all that and that you maybe shouldn't becuase it might be dangerous and almost humiliating after the many times Men have done you or other woman wrong, but please don't say that I don't want to understand woman and that I am a hypocrite. I am not!

@Preety_India Fair, but notice that in order to solve a conflict - both parts must be willing to listen.. not just one part. If the other part would already understand there wouldn't be no issue... so either both parts needs to open up and listen to the other part eventhough it might not fully understand itself ( and the other part must do the same) in order to create unity... or separation, anger and resentment will create between the two parts. In order to solve conflicts. Both parts must be willing to cooperate and get the opportunity to be heard and seen. That's basically couple's therapy 101 As an individual man I want to listen to the problems woman face, but many times it feels like many woman are not interested to listen to me.

@Emerald It can be interrupted that way when you say that men are not missunderstood XDXD. It's not nessicarly true, it can happen on both sides. In fact that's exactly what I feel. I want to listen and learn about what you girls struggle with and integrate my feminie side even more but at the same time also be able to share how it feels to me, when girls tell guys how it is from their perspective, when it is only true from the female perspective. Like for example, when a guy get the girls attraction advice and tell him " be nice to her and love her and be loyal" and then he tries that and gets rejected and sees the girl getting together with a douchebag WHO does the opposite... And then girls say, " guys don't listen to my relationship advise, huhhh, fuck them" . That makes men feel even more missunderstodd because when they did, they just farled missurble. In that case, men don't listen to woman not because we are evil. We don't listen becuase it doesn't work. This is exactly how you feel aswell^^^^ notice this! You do the same thing that men do and feel the same way men feel. Gaslit and missunderstood.

@Preety_India Yeah and notice that you do the same, can you notice this? I want to understand though, I want to listen, I want to integrate it and I realize that I don't understand the feminine perspective completely. The question is however, do you or Emerald want to do the same ? I try to listen, I'm not perfect, I know there are stuff that I can learn. You however already seem to think you know everything and therefor not be intrested in listing to my perspective.

@EmeraldWtf who decides this? You? You can't say that men are not missunderstood, that only makes men who are missunderstood more missunderstood and proves my point. It's not about who is repressed or who is the bad guy. It's about acknowledging that both men and woman missunderstand/shame eachother for everything becuase men feel hurt by woman and woman feel hurt by men. Both are enmeshed in their own trauma. Of fucking course woman have been repressed by men for milina, I am not denying anything or saying that woman isn't missunderstood or missunderstood less, like Idc who is what. Woman have suffered enormously ( + 10000 * more than men) and still do and men need to understand woman a loooot better ( me included) don't come with the argument that woman shouldn't try to understand men better and acknowlde their feelings as real and legitimate and instead falsely them with that's just what they " feel". You do the same thing to men that men do to you. Notice that! Yes but notice that it is a wound that have created a split in all womans psychie, hence woman have learned to do the same thing to yourself and to other people. The oppression of woman and feminity have made woman push men and masculinity away from them. If I would punsh someone, I first need to missunderstand you/ see the person as separate from me. When that then happens the person who is punished will separate even more from me which only enhances the separation and the pattern repeats. Of course woman pushes men away, it's understandable but also notice that in order to heal - the femine must murge with the shadow again. The femine and masculine must unity and understand eachother. @Preety_IndiaSure I 100% agree but it goes both ways. It's about learning to understand EVERYONE and making EVERYONE feel loved. Not just men or woman. Maybe I am missing, something. I probably am missing something that I am not aware of that I'll be able to see clearly in a couple of months... but men are also missunderstood and deserves to be understood just like woman do. When either part denies the feelings of the other - division, shaming and hatred occurs. When both parties tries to understand eachoter, love and union occurs.

@Emerald If I where you I would investigate how you're contributing to your feelings of being missunderstood. You said you got triggered yourself and feel missunderstood so you obviously are not only frustrated becuase it is what it is. Of course this forum is toxic and of course most men here, especially in the daiting section missunderstand woman, but also realize that men also feel missunderstood from woman. Men don't feel missunderstood when you girls talk about the female perspective - men feel missunderstand when females negate and gaslight the men perspective. If trauma didn't exsist on both sides - the gender war would be resolved becuase then the other side wouldn't feel triggerd and in need of defending it's position. It's not a projection... it's how many men feel when they for example are told by woman that they should be more feminine to be attractive but then end up rejecting them for being that + telling men that they should listen to them eventhough their advice when it comes to attracting woman doesn't work. Don't negate when men feel missunderstand as projection... notice how you do the exact same thing to yourself and guys that guys do to you. You missunderstand and invalidate many men's experience. Guys say girls project and girls say guys project. Both feel missunderstood. Everyone deserves to be heard - and most importantly. Everyone must realize that it doesn't start out there, it starts inside. Also note. You have every right to your experience. You feel missunderstood and you're allowed to feel that and I understand why you do it... like many men don't understand, and I still only understand small bits. "It's very frustrating to only be judged by your looks" "It's very frustrating when guys only are after sex and not real commitment and tell you that, no I know what you wan, you want the PUA tactics and schemes and get pumped up emotionally" ( that's not what girls want, girls want intimate fulfilling relationships" " it's very frustrating when guys say that men don't know what they want, like fuck men with their gaslighting. I'm a human being who have my own needs and wants and I am special and want a guy whu will love me and treat me well yet at the same time be masculine" Your female perspective is super valid but that doesn't mean that the male perspective isn't. It's not about understanding it, like, oh guys want sex and what guys seek. It's about understanding that men feel missunderstood, hurt and scared aswell.. most woman don't get that.

@Emerald If you get triggered or feel missunderstood by it - it always comes from yourself and that you do the same thing to yourself. I am asking this following question, not because I want to prove you're wrong and I am right and missunderstand you but becuase I think we both are wrong and I want to learn more about myself and " integrate" your perspective and learn how to understand you and myself better. " What are the dynamic within yourself that you think causes your feelings of feeling triggered and missunderstood?" My theroy is that it has to do with animus possession or something like that but I have no idea. Any thoughts or ideas? Just telling how I interpet this. You always seem to focus on the problems outside of you and not inside. You have some amazing ideas Emerald but when you write out how everything is and say you have the answers - many guys feel missunderstood, just like you feel when we guys do the same. What is the meta dynamic going on here? Any ideas or thoughts. I mean both men and woman feel missunderstood and when that happens everyone gets pushed away by everyone. It can't be men or woman that does this.. both must do it, at the same time.

@fopylo Exactly + that if you stop meditating because of that reason you're also trying to escape from " yourself"/ a neurotic behavior. Yeah thats cool. Continue doing that but notice the fear. Also be open to the possibility to stop meditating for a while or skippig a day or too. What happend to me is that I meditated for more than 1 and a half years... then I became aware that I did it to escape myself and stopped and than I realized that I stopped for the same reason. In other words.. become aware of why you do what you do + maybe experiment with letting all your " musts" go for a while. Life is not about that you have to do X or Y. Its about doing what's best for you.

I don't know you Preety so this is only what I belive.. I think you use the wrong productivity strategy. The general idea of productivity doesn't work for everyone.. it only works for a self few. If you're more creative ( which you are) you need a different approach See... your mind is like the wind. It has high energy bursts that burn out but replenish quickly. These are LIFE CHANGING VIDEOS if you're anything like I described. It changed everything for me. Exactly Preety. Wanna know why? - because you're a Vata baby. You're like the wind and you should therefor structure so that you do multiple things at the same time. Use your energy, passion and interests that you have for life to your advantage. Don't play a different game. Please please for the sake of your life, not mine watch the videos I shared you. It changed my life. ( you do whatever you want though but I really want you to nail life (: ) You get huge bursts of energy and then you get bored... see you can align your life so that you take advantage of your passion and life energy. I really feel you. I struggled with this aswell so so much. It's super frustrating.. I really get it. Watch.the.videos. pleaaaseeew @Preety_India

Ask yourself: Why do I meditate? You will probably find that the reason you do it is because you want to be confident. But again - realize what ever the answer is for yourself. When you have reached this awareness, notice the fear - the fear that the solution to your problem ( meditation is the solution) might be the problem.. then meditate anyway eventhough you're scared that it will reinforce your anxiety. See It's like this thought modell I hate myself/ am not enough------ I should meditate to fix that ------- oh no it doesn't work ----- oh no, I am meditating to fix myself which reinforces my anxiety ------ oh no I should stop meditating ------ oh no then I will not be enough. The " solution " is not to do anything about this. It's about to see this while going for what you want. Do you want to meditate to fix yourself? Do it, but do it consciously and notice that your anger of not being where you want to be comes from the fact that you're scared of having low self esteem. See - the meditation bring you closer to the realization that you're insecure and hate that. If I where you I would investigate that and not run away from it.

@Etherial Cat Well all guys do and there are no exception to the rule.. like for real. Don't play games. What's up with the insults? I'm a guy who wants a hot girl like everyone else. Does that mean I don't care about how the girl is and the chemistry and personality. No of course I do. But don't try to convince yourself that guys don't seek hot girls. We absolutely do and that's totally fine - it's our survival agenda. Lolz. All guys value good looks. That doesn't mean we don't value other things in relationships aswell. In fact - I have fallen in love primarily because of girls personalities. But again... Don't take for granted what guys want and not want. All guys value hot girls - that's the truth. Period. That said, note that I never said that's what is what one should search after in relationships. That was your projection. All I said was that guys value hot girls - why? Becuase we do! Lol no I'm not. Girls want a masculine guy who has integrated his femine side and can provide containment. They want the tamed Lion, who can be an asshole and cold when he needs to, yet super kind to you. The perfect example of this is Damino or whatever his name is in måneskin. He attracs woman like crazy becuase he is a badass badboy feminie guy. That was what my Ex girlfriend said, not me XDXD. Oh wait, it was the reverse, I remember now. Girls want good boys with bad boy vibes. That's what she said. Also lastly - I really don't want you to feel missunderstood. I know that's the experience on this forum and especially for you girls because you're the minority. That said, I think everyone can learn from everyone. I know there are a lot of perspectives from the femine that I haven't integrated and disowned but I know that many woman do the same with the masculine perspective. Both missunderstand eachother and both are fucking wrong and fucking right in their own way.

Values are relatively ( subjectivly) objective. A hot chick is valued by men, but woman who are heterosexual don't value that. That doesn't mean that a general value of people can't exist - what connects us all is that we are surviving, hence why we value the things that is beneficial for our survival. That's why woman want a bad boy with good boy wibes and guys want hot femine girls XDXD. * if we assume the hetro normative perspective. That said, individual preferences of course exsist, but general subjective values is a thing. Just becuase it's subjective doesn't mean it doesn't exsist in practice. Men and woman value different things but what men value, most men generally value, and what woman value - most woman generally value. Survival value game 101