Leo Nordin

Funny thing you were writing about Aspergers, haha, I was actually diagnosed with it as a child. It was nice to read your reply, refreshing, somehow. I am going now, probably won't be on this forum for some time. Have a nice evening, bye.

@LastThursday Sorry if it annoys you to read this, you don't have to. But I wanted to tell my story at least, because I thought you might maybe like to read it, or hear something new. Here goes: My first time trying real "meditation" that means doing something completely new with my consciousness, I think was an enlightenment experience. Or rather closing into the point. It all started with mister Sadhguru saying enlightenment comes by doing nothing. I layed down on my bed and did nothing, I was so used to always doing something working with children, thinking, learning, figuring out how to be happy... That meditation was my first experience of interfering with my own energy levels, but doing nothing I was simply almost like a void but pretty lifeless, somewhat lethargic in the process. Then he said enlightenment is the easiest thing. So I had learnt how to not waste energy not to cling to anything, but that was a clinging in of itself. Now the second meditation was an upsurge of hidden desire of laughter/happiness feeling. Watching sadhguru speak I was so sensitive to laughter, I just continued going into it "consciousness apparently" more and more and after some time my consciousness started to go all over the internal structure of my body. One second it was there, then gone, then reappeared somewhere else. Then I gone even deeper and my consciousness or the "me" started to dissappear completely, then reappear at times. I didn't continue deeper because it could affect my school life. I was 16 years of the time and this experience I could go into at any time shook my life around so much and due to situations I gone willingly for 2 years exploring different states of being. But beings of unconsciousness I was never a meditator guy so I had no clue about what I was doing. After almost going insane due to not having any core consciousness and therefore many times, insane multiplying and dividing of consciousness happened. Extreme dualities and cyclical movements in the almost all the sensational centers, chakras or whatever. The only difference between that insanity and my sanity now is from the cyclical movement is of a deeper consciousness. Instead of in every part of my body/mind/being. All these enlightened masters or whatever seem to be having their cyclical movement closer to the place from where life within themselves is created. Cyclical means that all energy you use will kind of get back into parts of your consciousness, in the dualities it is right now. So it is very easy to make everything yourself yet that just means It will be too much to handle, it will take over. Even if a single body part is strongly identified as the a center or part of yourself, it will go crazy given a minute. So it is understandable how I misunderstood gurus and I always do things on my own so I don't really listen to anyone anymore, because I have already heard almost all they have had to say. So the realisation isn't really a realisation as they say. But more specific what they very much would like to call human evolution of consciousness. Coming back to the womb. If you move in the opposite direction you become insane, so enlightened people moved in the opposite direction of dualities if we have to use these terms. And reached first normal sanity, then more and more into their core. Actually I don't think I am going to ruch cosmic feeling types of consciousness, I am only 18 years of age. I don't want to get too close to the finish line. I want to be a little more expressive with the world because I haven't had time to enjoy or explore it yet.

Are you? Abyss was sucking, and I was aline with thee, now he wants me to do. And immensely happy I am to share not wither away

Hello LastThursday, I am sorry for how I've been. Glad to see your doing well. Nice to see you

@LastThursday ohh that's amazing then, haha. Yeah, I really don't think that much philosophically. Didn't think that somebody had it in them, lol, though if someone is that person, that would be you. Ahh let's just say that my thoughts are largely determined by the situations which I exist. Which means people, and a whole lot of children and constant changing situations (that's my fault) haha. And I am not even enlightened yet, I don't know how but somehow I had an sudden enlightenment last year and drifting between the worlds I came back because life situations wouldn't do and then I gone the furthest way to unconsciousness just to not accidentally drift into that world again, fake or real. Now at a certain date last weeks I have gone through almost all stages of complete unconsciousness and all you can do there to consciousness. I always thought that enlightenment was just beyond the wall, so I jumped over and over but every time, every new transformation or change I find myself not there yet. I didn't understand how extremely important consciousness is and how it is to be used before reaching the 'ultimate'. You know that you could just be thinking that your thinking is sustainable. But it is really putting a limit on your precence or other forms of consciousness. The mind has so many other parts than thought, maybe just maybe you are attached more to thinking than to all the rest of the mind. And won't allow it to take all shapes at any time. Maybe you have fear of a undirected totality of raw consciousness. I dont know how many chakras is of the mind but there is a lot, haha, that much I have seen. Too love body and mind, every part of it is stillness. Omg sorry for making you read all this shit, such a waste of my time. Sorry my ego has gone wild today, with the choice of course, I want to not hurry the process too much, body and mind felt like it needed a day to adapt to consciousness and I dont fucking know what my mind is doing right now, mental diarrhea to keep me from not becoming healthy too concious too close to something higher, the next step... Sorry, have a good day, with much love. Peace

@LastThursday I don't know why you are still doing this but thinking is a feverish activity of the brain. In the way you are doing it. If you want to share some love on your mind and body try this meditation. Be concious, what you are concious of at any time has to be an activity within yourself which you can continue forever. So you can't for example have tension in your body because that is an unsustainable doing. Now your mind might be too feverish already to go deep enough but this way you might find stillness. At some point when you go deep enough take the last step of jumping of the cliff. Hello enlightenment. Did not mean to waste your time, cya.

Hallo, U once wrote that you liked the idea of building or living in a tiny house. I don't recommend it. It's like a tiny box, I dont think nature intended us to spend time in such a cramped space. It is just a little too unnatural for my comforts. For example if you want to do fast movements you can't because you have to be aware of yourself all the time because you are in such a small space. If you're ecstaticly dancing you would feel that the walls limit your movements and expansion of your desires. At that realization I would probably break the walls of my tiny house and say this has no value to me. I'd rather live somewhere where I feel free, I think it is a matter of integrity. As in enlightenment, I won't explain why. Im sorry but I probably won't hear your reply if you ever want to talk to me again, if you want to reach out to me one has to try harder?

Why even be body concious? You can't even see your own face, if you want to look good you should do it so it is pleasant for others to look at you. My body is just a vessel that I use, and I want my vessel to look good and have cut nails and shaved beard, nice clothes and a okay hairstyle/haircut but that is minimum work, why spend more time on something so trivial. It is just not always worth it to do any extra effort. I don't do it for myself but for others, it's the same as brushing your teeth, I do it so my gum/mouth won't hurt/feel bad but I will only spend the minimum effort to achieve the results which feels good enough for the served purpose, similarly goes for appearance.

Ohh noo ughhh, haha Yeah you're spiderman, I'll cry

@LastThursday yes, never mind, thank you, yes you are right, I get it now. Thank you very much, see you soon, goodnight;D Funny thing those sentences of yours cleared many of my worries and was also very refreshing to read once I understood. Have a good night

I know, don't worry about me, I understand enlightenment, and you seem to understand the whole thing as well. Sadly for you, you can't do anything for me, I am not here to learn any such things, I understand everything I have to understand anyways. There is a method for enlightenment but as you said one won't be able to do it without the groundwork, and the method is so extremely simple compared to all your ego so when you are in touch with it it is such an easy feat. Fear is not even in the way because fear and living that way, the method are not connected so it is extremely easy actually,easier then maintaining the identities, ego etc when you see things clearly just the way they are. I have not become "enlightened" because I chose not to, I chose to continue with the same stupidly way of living for different reasons, I have given sweat and tears not to become enlightened yet. Just look at this, this is some of the stupidity I have been doing to myself because I promised to wait until summer with enlightenment, I cant even live a normal way anymore even if I tried to for years, I can't even do the things they expect me to do at the workplace where I am an apprentice. Because of the currupt system it has become a daily challenge to stay there without accidentally becoming enlightened, and not changing the whole workplace dramatically, which I definitely would. I have learnt a great deal about people and the normal ways of living from doing this. You absolutely must have a very strong ego and different kinds of identities to remain a normal teacher or being or one of the students. But I can't fool myself that well, even though I have tried to create ego within me, to only have desire to do things here which is within the frames of what the school wants is very difficult. It would be easy if I had some more ego. Or if the other teachers didn't suck at leadership, and I am not to interfere when a the teachers try their "best" to keep the classrooms sane. This is me doing all these complicated mind games because I haven't "chosen" to get enlightened already. List of my stupidly tries of fitting in to normal society without being enlightened(because I promised to wait getting enlightened): For example if I remove the desire to for dramatic action to change things then all my other desires to be a teacher dissappears and I just sit there almost unable to get up and do my "work". Then I am at the peak of peace and femininity, affection and settling down and easily goes into a trance and almost loses all touch with my body and mind. Which sucks, It is not time for deathbed yet. If I live my desires without the need to be aware of my physiology but with only slight awareness to not change the workplace, I might look like a god friend of children and beings on the playground first thing in the morning but when I get in for lesson then I see the curruption and stop myself from acting and then my way of being is destroyed for the rest of the workday. If I live always aware of my physiology I can tweak it to do what I tell mind to want but that kind of awareness is very tiring and I barely will be able to do the minimum action required from me. Sometimes I become so drained that I come to yet again the peak of peace, this kind of peace is stupid and it is for the day I die. I of course can't do my work in complete stillness because of the neurons in my mind screaming for healing and rest. If I have underlying karma from the morning or day beforehand then there will be too strong desires and too little time to meditate the shit out of me. If I have come to work late as on Fridays I have had time to be a fresh life and also create some ignorance within me to the things which are important. Then I might be like a normal teacher coming to school if I am lycky. YOU SEE HOW MESSED UP THIS SHIT IS? You don't need to answer my post, you are playing your kind of mind games as your journaling an I do mine own stuff. But I just don't know what you are waiting for. For me I am not even 18 years old yet so last year I thoroughly discussed on this forum and I waited untill now when I'll in a couple of weeks am planning to live the way of an enlightened. So what are you waiting for? That's why it looks like endless mind games, my teachers half of my parents already know the predicament of living the enlightened way. They are too afraid of it themselves, so I hope you also @LastThursday are preparing your external situations and get "enlightened" soon. Good luck. Also I have told my parents I don't care about money and survival and stuff and will have to see what happens but at the same time I tell everyone as a joke to treat me as a god and give me money and stuff because money is the most important thing in this world. Haha, I wonder what you do/will do to get food on your plate. Everytime someone asks me what I want or what they should do I tell them to gove me money, be my slave, be my maid haha. The funny thing is that I have no idea how I am going to get my food everyday in the near future, also where I'll live and all the other things. But that doesn't worry me much anymore. Thinking about it doesn't help now does it. Sorry for my extremely long post, you don't need to read it or reply. Because if you reply giving me some tips or advice or see something I wrote that isn't correct I am not interested. I just came here to share this nothing more.

@LastThursday thank you for the story, though I feel that you have been trying to get out of that well for a very long time now. And I have to ask myself if you actually know and know how to get enlightened. Though the how to is not easy to explain, once you have entered into it and that way of living once, twice or thrice, you have faith you can again. Actually I have removed so much of any identity that it is difficult not to become "enlightened". It's interesting because a year ago I started to understand within me which way I would have to live to be enlightened, the day sadhguru said enlightenment is the eisiest thing, instant realisation. Though at that time without being aware of it I had a lot of ego/emotions etc that had to be cleansed from my system, so for a moment I thought enlightenment way that endless bliss that I could feel for multiple hours, it was intense meditation and at that tome it was complete freedom aka short period of enlightenment. Then afterwards I understood living outside the well was no longer filled with bliss because that was just piled up emotions/desires that had to go through for me to get to the next phase. Staying in the system of society I gradually lost more and more of my identity and everything became clearer and clearer though I always knew since 12 months ago how to become enlightened. It's just something you have to do and there is no method for it. That's why I called what you are doing playing mind games. Because It actually in a sense won't get you closer to the way of an enlightened. Either you live completely freely or you play mind games with yourself, there is no inbetween. That's why I also wrote that I am doing the same. When the mind games start to get less and less what will be left will be more and more of the truth. When you are only left with the truth of your desires and wants and identity and the rest of it then you will naturally come to the place where I am right now. In almost constant touch with a new way of living, then it is easy, just to fly out of the well you thought you were stuck in, because actually you just didn't know how to fly, you were scared to fly, but now you know that all I have to do is jump with all my might and I'll be flying, so why stop when you have started, then continue to fly forever untill the day you wish for peace and thereby return to the earth.

You know you can only bring suffering in yourself, it's never someone elses making, duh. Also suffering is just because your don't live your life the way you wabt to and that is yours problem and no one elses. Why thfk would one accept anything in this world, just look at everything and make a call. Infinite love seems like a dream, like laughing and having fun and sex and girls and kisses and joy and peace and kids. That's most often, almost always an escape and you will figure it out soon enough I hope. Just do the things you want to do, say the things you want to do. I dont know why we should care so much about this. We all have made ourselves so so so important that transformation of the mind is difficult. Hey that's even more potent in children, have you seen how difficult it is to take away their brainwsshed beliefs, the ego is so insanely large and some might like to say that children are more exuberant and happy then us though they are no better off. Still living within the same framework where you can't live your life the best way sadly.

@LastThursday Hello, see this thing is still going on, looks like endless mind games. Though I am not free from that either as of yet. It's a waste of your time, though that is not true I still read many things that I wouldn't agree about. I don't know where this business of freedom comes from, also unconditional love. There are no such things. Instead one has to ask, is there another way of living where you don't have to be worried about your physiology, thoughts, emotions, etc. You create only the necessary physiological structure for you to work in a way where the most potent desire takes form at all times. The mental program you create will be very simple and you don't need to be aware of it, it is just there for you to not act compulsive/unintelligently and to not wait too long with acting when you want to so that your mind will always be in order, in a certain type of peace that you take care to maintain, a very high standard of living which you won't give up. From that structure you do not have to be aware of your thoughts etc. You just need to say and do things as the desire comes about at the specified time of your very simple new physiological structure that I really want to empathise because gurus don't talk about it too much, though an overly analytical person like you might want to look at because it is very important. What physiological structure are you working from. Why not just remove everything which you don't want, that which you know is bad for you but you still cling to it. If you want freedom, go and die, or have some sex. It's soo peaceful and light but then you have given up on all the ambitions of this life. I am very sorry for my bad pronunciation and English, you with your endless posts, it wouldn't surprise me if you have already thought of these things but I must get upset when I see a lot of bullshit thoughts in your diary. Also such a waste of time it seems like from my eyes. Enlightenment is great and all but the realisation is meaningless, when will you live that way, why won't you live that way. Only for a day people are too scared of the thought. People are too scared say no to work the second they feel tired in the morning, you see how much of an impossible goal this enlightenment seems like from the eyes of a peasant. Too bad. Now good luck to you. Regards from one of the youngest on this stupid forum.

I am not very lost we are here together this moment there is nothing to be lost about. Why would I predict too much about the future when the only time I know is the now. Whatever I would like to think about the future are just ideas in my mind and I am too young to be able to accurately predict anything 5 years forward. You know I am only 17 years old...

I have made this same topic once before though nobody on this forum could add on it. Here is the little information I have found since then: Of course nobody knows the answers and the path that you will walk on. All these realized beings have had their own answers, some have said that survival will be solved by yourself somehow. Ug krishnamurti states how he was lucky to be wealthy and therefore he does not know how another man could survive living without "fear". Also once he said it wouldn't be a problem for you and that you would survive. J krishnamurti have stated that he would not ever take a single day into the slavery which is a 9 to 5 job. J krishnamurti got his wealth from the states perhaps because he was a public speaker. Osho Had a wealthy family and was early on in his life making people give him what he needs otherwise he would have to steal it. Sadhguru worked a lot untill "enlightenment" and then gave it all up. Though he continued to persue the creation of dyangalinga and further on his public speaking/isha fundation career. Sadhguru is an odd case because he is the only one that was driven towards working and achieving certain things in the world which is the exact opposite of Ug krishnamurti. All these people have more or less agreed that it is the government's responsibility to make sure every citizen gets food to eat. Personally I am going to live a similar way to these people and I will soon quit my slavery, am almost doing it right now but I will use all the ego I can to finish the preparations I have been working on for my future and continuing my slavery a little bit longer. Do you guys have anything to add?

No

Lol, don't ask me what I believe because I honestly have no idea

Your human mind cannot understand the reality, it is just beyond itself. Like a hard drive explaining what the computer is, can only see from its own perspective which always will be limited to the capabilities of mind. Of course we can think and make assumptions though they wont mirror the actual reality.

I have never saod I am enlightened and if I dod then that is false. There is no way lut of struggling life in itself is a struggle. So I made a stupid comment, there is a roght now direct connection between the sensory perception of the body and the mind. Not that duality you would usually find. I am not in any way the same person that ypu wrote with earlier so I don't remember well what I wrote. You can live non dualy one second not the other, thats why I am not in conflict right now wothin myswlf

I am not struggling with anything, you ask questions to the past me. I dont want to answer you now, there is no reason, what will I gain from it nothing. Ser you all in hell because noone here is enlightened and never will be there isn't such a thing as enlightenment. Good day to you mr logic it is he who is responsible for all your miseries.

He is definitely not enlightened...

You are a very lucky bastard if it doesn't contradict having a normal job or business for you.

It is not fantasies and I never said it is enlightenment, though many would call that enlightenment. The body only lives moment to moment, it is only the mind which wants to drag out and hold onto sensations, so when the body and mind lives moment to moment, that is the natural state. It is the culture that has influenced your mind for attachment and lingering onto sensations. Animals don't seem to have this problem, therefore they live beautifully.