Realms of Wonder

This forum, Approval of others, Sex/masturbation, love from my GF, thinking, Playing Music, My self.

Thank you!

Thank you for making the time to write out such a thoughtful response @Michael569 Ordered both his book "How to Not Die" and the accompanying cookbook, excited to learn more about this! First steps have been to add a kale/spinach salad + Proteins and Pickled onions into my diet as my breakfast, its remarkable how different my energy levels are! So far, no major crashes + energy and focus. Yesterday after my salad I felt on top of the world at work, and today after my salad, Focused, energized, just knocked out two hours of studying without feeling tired one bit. Thank you! Also, bowel movements have stabilized, what a relief!

Very curious to hear what others think about this. With a life purpose to play music that guides people into Loving Introspection, revealing their true nature... I would love to hear what experiences of Love you have had, and which songs lead to those experiences. Thanks!

Thank you for explain this, I have definitely believed that it was just "bad for everyone," so I just quit it. I am intrigued to see if I am actually celiac or not, and then make an educated decision from there. Thank you for being curious about what is going on, and desiring to understand deeper before giving a "Prescription." I have been having quite severe energy crashes after my meals (30-40 minutes after) which is debilitating for my study/homework. Also I have been having constipation, it started about two weeks ago, right around when I starting to drink Huel, a vegan meal replacement. Overarching is concern that I am not giving my body everything it needs to thrive, mentally. physically, spiritually, the whole thing.

One way would be to intentionally get in touch with what you DO love about life/what you want out of life. By asking questions such as… What questions would lead me to increase my love for life? What do I love about Life? What energizes me? What do I really want in my life? What would be the most meaningful life I could live? What am I doing that is disconnecting me from life? What is most meaningful to me? There’s a lot of great questions, look inside, the answers are there.

Thank you!

Very interesting! The area I want to have the most impact in is leading the music industry to be more conscious. Not sure where it fits in on here.

No, thank you for the advice! Ive been guessing up until this point, it would be good to know for sure.

Hi, thanks for the reply. Yesterday I broke my fast at 2:30, with 4 small (11.43 cm) corn tortillas, around 10-11 Oz braised pork, with raw onion, and lime. Dinner was a gluten free burger: two slices of gluten free bread as bun, olive oil tomato Mayo, lettuce, pickle, 1/2 lb patty, and onion jam (sweetened with agave.) Today I broke my fast with 1.5 cups of assorted nuts and dried fruit, 15ish grapes, and 3 pieces of GF Beef jerky my brother made. Dinner is the same as last night, with an addition of mushrooms, and a side salad with nuts and seeds on it. Will have 15-20 more grapes, an apple and about 3 tablespoons of peanut butter when I get home from work. If you want more detail let me know.

Deep self love, really radical acceptance of all layers, parts and fragments of Self. Unbreakable connection to Music, a deep relationship. A masterful songwriting skillset. Psychological financial wellness. (Dissolving limiting beliefs, a conscious and healthy money psychology) Independent, holistic understanding of reality, instead of what I have now, a messy clump of hearsay

Song #7 True to Love: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WcYz6FnAGn2irI30gpG_VeNIhlL58n8p/view?usp=sharing Written in a month long bout of uncertainty before coming to a decision to go to Massage school. I was scared, not sure, and very worried. I didn't have an answer to my burning question, "What career to I choose as a foundation to my future Musical Life purpose?" And at the same time, wanting to be strong and a role model, for myself, and for my girlfriend. If you are uncertain, if you dont know what to do, if you have decisions to make but dont know how. Trust that your love of life will guide you, its okay to be uncertain, and it is necessary to create an extraordinary life. you are not alone in your uncertainty, Trust Life. Listen Deep. ❤

One month later. Still on track! Week on of school down, maintaining walk in the morning, and meditation habit (20-30 minutes day do nothing) Continuing with Diet, now been 77 days since I made the decision, still going strong.

Amazing. Well chosen.

Yes, I went in to get some cavities filled, and asked them to remove the metal filling while in there, and replace it with the dental composite. Its a tooth colored resin. Its kind of a gross experience as they drill the old mercury filling out, knowing that its actively leaking into your mouth tissue as they break it down, but better than leaving it in I say!

I love this short story/analogy.

Collect a folder full of pictures related to your vision, then use a photo editing software to stitch them all together, I did the week long trial of photoshop, just long enough to put everything together, then sent the finished picture to FedEx print and go, (if in US) and had them print it out for me.

Good questions! Why I dropped out: Long story short, because it wasn't an authentic path for me. I went to college because it was the easiest, most comfortable path I could think of, my girlfriend at the time was going, friends from highschool, it seemed like a way I could postpone maturing for a few more years. Right as school started I tried weed for the first time, progressively using it more and more as a way to escape. I was not applying myself, I felt lost, depressed, scared, and I hated myself deeply and by the end of the first semester, I was already questioning whether or not college was the path for me, but it wasn't till the end of the next semester when I intuitively chose to drop out, because some part of me realized that it was not authentic, at a point before I knew authenticity was my top value. Oh yeah... and I failed most of my classes ? Current Plans: Massage therapy as foundation career for building Musical Life purpose. I have always enjoyed massaging others, physical touch and feeling energetic blockages in the form of muscle knots, tension and trauma, I love helping others release that, its deeply emotional for many people, and can at times be related to trauma integration (Depending on modality of bodywork.) The funny thing is that I have known enjoyment for giving massage for over a 15 years, and many people have said, "You should be a massage therapist! You'd be great at it!" I would always brush it off, it seemed like so much work for something I wouldn't do forever. But a few months ago, I realized, that's what makes it so perfect! I go to school, license myself as a massage therapist, work in the field for 5-10 years, earning good money, working 25-30 hours a week while building up my music career! it gives me more freedom and fulfilment through creative impact in others lives. Thanks for asking

1. Dropped out of college without a plan 2. Quit an MLM. 3. Love Myself.

Glad you are looking at them that way. I am also still setting up the foundation of my career. I have had many jobs since I dropped out of college, as a cook, barista, working at a gym, a grocery store, as backend for a subscription service coffee company, as a salesman at a jewelry store, even as a camp counselor. Its taken five years to solidify what my life purpose is, (To write music that connects people to the feelings and experiences of the authentic journey,) and to start schooling to build a solid foundation to build that future career on (Massage therapy.) I can confidently say that every job I have had, has been one piece of the puzzle. along with psychedelics and routines/habits I have put into place. What I have realized through all that is that any chosen job, (with the right mindset,) brings growth opportunities, new experiences, skills, and insight into self. I would say look at what you are creatively drawn to and try to find work in that field, if nothing works, just get a job, any job, and go from there. "If the thing is not the thing, it will lead you to the thing."

Have you had a job before?

Interesting read! Thanks for sharing, definitely have fallen in this trap before.

Interesting experience of Love. I get off work, and walk to my car, it is a peaceful, cool night as I approach the drivers side and look in the window, I see objects strewn about and my heart sinks. I turn on my phone flashlight and look inside, its a mess, everything from the arm compartment and dash has been pulled out and thrown all around, I look for my Bluetooth speaker, its gone, a rush of anger, "Who the fuck steals from unlocked cars!" Then thankful, "ah, at least I had my wallet with me." I put everything back, only the speaker had been stolen, car starts up find, no flat tires, I start driving home, and realize. "if someone is desperate enough to go around checking cars to see if they are unlocked, then take anything of value from them... Then they probably need it more than I do." A sense of calm washes over me as I realize, if I was in their shoes, facing the same situation, I would do the same. I kept going with this train of thought, realizing, it couldn't be any other way! Whoever it was, they simply are not aware of the consequences of their actions, it is not personal, they didn't have me in mind when they took it. As I continue to think on this, a radical thought appears, "Can I Love them?" A wave of resistance appears, but quickly fades as I realize, of course I can. They are me.

This Journey will be one of pain, discovery, joy, disgust, overcoming, healing, Love, and at the core... Truth. Where to begin? My deepest fear, is to live my life, look back on it from my death bed, and know in my heart I lived a life of falsehood and lies, that I never discovered and created who I REALLY am. My deepest fear is to Live my whole life as someone I am not, to waste this gift of life, as a hollow husk of myself. But how does one become their self? How do I become who I am? Surely it cant be that complicated, surely I must know myself, because I am myself... Right? Maybe... Maybe not. I lived most of my life as a approval addicted people pleaser, it was how I survived through my childhood, and.. it worked! I survived. but at what cost? at the cost of my authentic personality, desires, likes and dislikes, and at the cost of my relationship with myself. At 18, in college, I came face to face with the horror of my inauthentic life that I had created. I was purposeless, I was scared, lost, alone, and most of all, without love of myself, or hope of life improving. At my lowest, I made a desperate move, to drop out of college and move back to California. I didn't know why at the time, but it felt right. at 19, I took 1P-LSD with my brother for the first time, and had a mystical experience, one that rocked me to my core, I realized that life was bigger, huge in fact. and that the potential of life was up to me. I soon forgot what I had seen, but was introduced to Leo with Actualized.org. That, plus LSD, then Mushrooms, 4-Aco-DMT, catapulted me into a realization. My life could be amazing, it could be more than those around me, I could create a life purpose for myself, I Could impact the world, I could Change. and that... lead me to my 20's. at 20, I realized I needed to move, why? because I wanted to grow, I Wanted to ever the umbilical cord from my family, I wanted to change. so I worked two jobs, saved up enough to move to Oregon. almost as soon as I arrived, I met a charismatic couple, that had a business offer for me, without trust in myself, and believing what they told me, I joined an MLM cult, (without realizing it of course.) I really tried to make it work for me, its a proven method, but it was not authentic. I could not do it. I worked a job full time, and went to meetings, I was working out at the time, making progress, but with a really toxic relationship with myself. at the time, trying to do too much at once, No fap and no porn, meditate, morning routine, read, work on my "business," work another job, then another to make enough to stay afloat. I would fall, get up, fall, get up, this yo-yo affect of extrinsic motivation, because I knew deep down, that this path was inauthentic. but I kept trying, and trying, all the way into 21. At 21, I realized that I could not stay with this "business" (cult,) it was taking its toll on me, mentally I felt so fragmented, and so inauthentic, It was like torture. so I built up the courage to say "I quit." When they asked "Why?" I said "because This path is not authentic to who I am" they asked "What are you going to do instead?" I said "I dont know yet, but it has to do with music, and impacting the world. and it will be MY authentic path, not someone else's." Soon after, I had a realization, that I had been trying to do everything at once, instead of one at a time. so I made a commitment to myself, "I will meditate once a day, for 90 days, then after that, add another habit, then another, and so on.." and so I did. and it WORKED! I stuck to it! after 90-100 days, I added Kriya yoga as a practice, which I did for over 4 months, until the frustration of not being able to do the ujjayi breath got to me, then I focused on humor practice, and so on. During this time, I also made a career change. I had mostly worked in kitchens as a cook up until the end of 2019, but I built a vision of working at Dutch Bros (a drive through coffee company with a strong culture) I followed through, and made it happen! I got hired! before I Started working there, I took my first Solo Retreat. 7 days, alone, no distractions. I faced myself like I had never done before, or since. it changed the entire course of my life, and gave me clarity I still benefit from today. And that lead me into 22. At 22, working a customer service job, serving mostly young people, I got first hand experience of what other people my age go through, what they are focused on, what they want, what they eat, how they talk, etc.. I became very judgmental, thinking I Was better then them, because I ate healthier or didn't drink or party, but I also alienated myself with that same motion. so over time I learned to love people as they are. which is something I still work on to this day. In February of 2020, right around my birthday, I decided to start producing music on Ableton live. I had been talking about it, how important music was for me, how I wanted it to be my future career, so I decided to finally start. Covid hit a month later, so I got even more time to work on it, in April and may, I started learning how to flirt with girls, being deficient in that area for most of my life, I started learning about attraction, and trying things out on the multitudes of girls I saw every day at my job. I got rejected some, but got some girls numbers, went on dates, even got laid and a girlfriend, she was beautiful, but a toxic influence on me, stage blue/orange, closed minded and judgmental. I learned a ton from her. We stayed together till right before I turned 23. I kept making music, now releasing it on SoundCloud. In January of 2021, I got Covid, and was isolated for 10 or so days, so I decided to turn it into a solo retreat, no phone or electronics, and also decided to water fast during that time. I gained clarity into my life, and from that, decided to break up with my girlfriend, but stayed fwb. and this leads me to 23. At 23, I realized that I wanted to earn more, so I got a second job, which became my full time job, and worked part time at the coffee shop, then... out of the blue, I was offered a job at the gym I worked out at, it all seemed so perfect! so I took the job, and quit both my other ones. I lasted 3 weeks before I quit. they were trying to force me to sell against my values, to manipulate people, and I got in trouble for the questions I was asking, so I quit! that same day I set up an interview with a summer camp in Pennsylvania, I had been a camp counselor in highschool and loved it, plus I wanted to get out of the state, and try something new. so I did, I worked in PA from 5/12/21-9/21/21, and what a fucking summer, I learned a lot, but I wont go into detail about it. on my return, I knew I wanted to take my music seriously (now having invested 1500 hours into it) so I started an Instagram page, and released my first song on Spotify. I got a job working in a kitchen, and moved back to Oregon. In January, I got Covid again, and took another solo retreat, gaining more clarity, which lead me to my current age (24) at 24, about a month ago. I decided to quit all social media (I was only on Instagram and YouTube) and move into a studio apartment. And so we arrive at the present. I tossed around the idea of not giving a backstory. and may delete it in the future, the focus of this thread is to show this journey, as it unfolds, not so much to show where I have been. but we shall see. Currently I am struggling. even though I have consistent habits (morning walking + 40oz water, 30-40 minutes meditation, 30-60 minutes music creation/practice, 30 minutes reading/study) I feel like I am treading water, not making progress. without distractions from Instagram and YouTube, I have been contemplating things a lot, and its been really uncomfortable, I have notepads all over my apartment with questions, questions, questions. Here I am, all of me, this is my path. I hope you see yourself in it, I hope this empowers you to take the next step. Much Love, Paul.

Most relaxing/exciting and fun is to Play/Create music, followed by meditation, reading, taking walks, going camping, hiking, facetiming my parents, friends or girlfriend, and watching select movies.