Realms of Wonder

Today lead me to realize that my current work is killing me. slowly. Physically, mentally, creatively, everything. I get paid to create food that hurts people. To stand on concrete for 10-12 hours, leading to foot problems and back pain. I dont want to just complain, I see this as a wakeup call. I am tired of settling for less than the best. I am tired of letting my laziness keep me from creating a business, a life purpose. I am tired of acting like I am mature and "grown up" when I am a kid, with a ton to learn, and a massive ego I am afraid to let go of. I am tired of the lies I tell myself to keep myself pacified. I am tired of being tired! FUCK. Of waking up late, because I get off work at eleven fucking thirty! I Have no FUCKING clue what I got to do to change this. I feel so much uncertainty my mind want to disintegrate. I dont KNOW. Something has to change. And it is ME, that will change. 5 years to get to now, 5 years of this path, and finally I am beginning to see what it will take to really change. And I am scared of it. I am afraid to die, I have died during mushroom trips before, but this is different, a slow, sober, excruciating death. Like forcing a snake to shed its skin. Or maybe this is all a story I am making up to make sense of all this. The authentic path is not the easy path. (For now.)

Thank you

That is not what I wanted to hear.... Thank you. I know that this isn't a quick fix, it will require a structural change in my life to solve this problem permanently. Thank you for the pointer.

Thanks for explaining! I love that perspective. Did you grow up listening to it?

This is beautiful. its so heart wrenching, the longing and hurt, the joy and the depth of feel. Love it. Thank you for sharing!

Great job! Has that belief about singing being a natural talent, innate, been the biggest hurdle so far?

Glad you shared! Thanks

Seeing others as "Less than" for not answering the call. Closed-mindedness. Becoming to identified with Labels: OCD, Traumatized, Man, Women, etc.. Looking to others to give you the answers, Gurus, teachers, parents, friends, etc.. People pleasing and Approval seeking. Short term thinking/instant gratification. Thinking you can get something for little or nothing. Entertainment and Social media, used as a crutch, a distraction to stop from looking within. Thinking "others" are corrupt, evil, biased, wrong, crazy etc.. but "I" Am not. Giving unsolicited advice to people. Assuming that what works for you will work for everyone. learning without applying. Talking, but not walking. lack of embodiment. No doing personal development. Forcing things without love. Lack of love development.

Intense! I can only imagine. Glad you made it through

@Phil King Thanks for the response brother! I would say you are on the right track. I grew up playing violin (10+) years, so it may be easier for me than others. That being said, Do not underestimate how much you can grow in just two years. if you have been taking it serious for 3ish months, your doing your best, coming up with a bunch of projects that dont meet your standard, or you feel suck, but dont know how to make them "not suck." You're exactly where you are supposed to be. Dont "create" music, instead "Play" Music. In "The Music Lesson" its talked about a lot, Music as an entity that you build a relationship with. It is something you connect with, you tap into. I like to think of music as already whole, complete, and waiting for someone like you, Mozart or Kevin Parker to hear it, to "tune in" to it. when you're in the middle of a project, listen to what Music tells you should be added next. some of my favorite moments of music are when I was listening, and letting Music inform my body and voice. I still have days where I feel I make no progress, or a project goes nowhere. I think that is normal, over time, as we invest more into the craft the balance shifts from. Beginning: Tons of shit songs but get lucky every once in a while Middle: tons of shit songs, but know why some songs work and some done, getting "lucky" more often. Expertise/Mastery/10,000 hours: even the shit songs a better than any of your best songs at the beginning. Plus a deep understanding of WHY and HOW to play beautiful authentic music. Hopefully that helps! All the best

Thank you Brother Thank you! me too, its very rewarding

Lyrics from a new song: "Every Single Teardrop Mattered." Verse 1 I see myself In the wind and the trees Let go of mind Be lost in the stars Pre chorus Where ever I go I have found More and more inside of mind Silence, followed by sound As I pick myself up and I find Chorus Every little moment has led here Every single tear drop mattered Let this love flow through me, into you As we face every fear till its shattered Verse 2 Beyond who I am Is an ocean of love Release all the lies Be lost in the truth Pre chorus Years since I answered the call To leave behind all that is known Look back, see the rain fall As I see just how far I have grown Chorus Every little moment has lead here Every single tear drop mattered Let this love flow through me, into you As we face every fear till its shattered Bridge Every lie we've been told will fall away As we learn to face the truth of what we are Every fear that we believed will fall away As we learn to ground ourselves in deeper love Chorus Every little moment has lead here Every single tear drop mattered Let this love flow through me, into you As we face every fear till its shattered

while it was down, I noticed how often I checked, at work, after meditation, after music, when I was bored. Led me to see how much I tend rely on actualized.org, interesting...

Wonder and Awe, thank you for sharing this Love.

Damn, you tastes are all over the place! LOVE IT. Curious to know, what is the attraction to Groove/Heavy Metal?

Beautiful, thank you for sharing

Why did you decide to take a break? Was it difficult to stop?

Lots of good points. Thank you

Thank you for your perspective, you touched on a ton here. What do you mean?

Correct, the purpose of the thread is to identify the biggest, core problems/traps young men fall into. Great question. False dream: when a music artist creates music spouting about drugs and sex and fast cars and success, as if that is true fulfillment, and going to make someone happy. (not that those things are bad,) I dont see that being the dream life. Those are some really good points about Music. Thank you for sharing. There are! Definitely, once again specifically talking about traps and problems not the solution, YET.

All for commitments and devotion to something worthy of it. I am curious. Why? Is this job a reflection of your values and strengths?

Damn. That's freaking beautiful. thank you for sharing!

How long has it taken to arrive at the routine you currently hold? Wake up: 7-9 A.M (Depending on bedtime) Go for a 20ish minute walk, drink 40 oz water during. Play/create Music: 30-60 minutes on work days, 60-120 minutes on off days. Meditation on pad: 20-30 minutes. Meditation on couch: 20-30 minutes. Read: 30 Minutes. Check phone, eat, get on with my day

My Life purpose is to play Music, guiding people into states of loving introspection, revealing their true nature. I’ve been producing music on my own for the past 2.5 years, and have over decade of classical/fiddle violin and 5+ years composition experience from my early life. As my eyes open to the possibilities of this life purpose, I realize “I lack necessary skill to add massive value to the world.” And so a search to find the most effective methods of career capitols acquisition begins and continues. Career capitol is “the skills you have that are both rare and valuable and that can be used as leverage in defining your career.” (From Cal Newports book, So good they can’t ignore you) here are the methods I have come across - Produce my own music, mix, master, sing the whole shebang (already doing this) - Produce music for others - Offer services (production) on Upwork or Fiverr - Get an internship at a local music production studio. - Eventually get a job at said music studio (this is the route I am leani my towards) - Buy courses on specific skills (mixing, mastering, singing, Ableton live, and so on) - Buy coaching/lessons - Busk (play on the streets/ live performance in cities) - Live performance - Go to Music school Anything you see that I am missing? Perspective appreciated!

Authenticity is my top value, to be truthful, Self Loving, aligned with my values and strengths, and expressive in an honest, sincere way. Is that important to you? How did it become important to you? Do you see that as important to others? Why, or why not?