Realms of Wonder

Admissions interview set for tomorrow, 10:30 A.M, requested transcripts from my old highschool. Attended a free, 3 hour massage class put on by the college. AMAZING!

Willing to sacrifice a lot, and do already, there is a balance there, a sustainable way to do it, or maybe not! I dont know, still figuring it out. Thanks for the comment It took all of 15-30 minutes of research to realize that working in a studio is very far from my life purpose. I want to write new music, create whole new genres and experiences for people, breakthroughs, emotionally, spiritually and mentally with music, studios dont really help make that happen. The current job I have (Working as a cook) pays the bills well enough, however it is very stressful, and very hard on my body, in the middle of a transition period. That is AWESOME that you have been able to transition into working full time playing/teaching/freelancing in music. proud of you! must have taken a lot Thanks for sharing your perspective. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! Not attracted to being a pop-star, or even being mainstream, instead to, like you said above, build a core, loyal fanbase that loves my work, is impacted by it deeply, akin to how Leo has impacted my life, I would pay to fly to see him at an event, I have bought his course, and book course, that person has created SO MUCH VALUE, its a no brainer. That's how I want it to be with the content I create. Thank you! You touched on a lot, thank you for sharing that channel! great to see others succeed doing something similar to what I desire to.

You're scared? glad you respect the substance. DMT doesn't have to be terrifying, its extremely dose dependent, start small, tiny, if you want, and work your way up.

Day Two: Not an easy day, but proud to know I followed through. No deserts, no fried foods, just salad, chicken, veggies, watermelon, almonds, some bacon, and stevia sweetened cold brew with coconut/oat milk. This is not as hard as I thought it would be. I keep re-committing. This is a choice that aligns with EVERY single one of my values.

In a stage of boundary setting, advocating for my needs and wants, better communication, and truthfulness with people.

A major hurdle is building trust with myself, that I will follow through, do what I said I would, and continue to take action aligned with my choice, which ultimately is aligned with my top ten values and vision for life.

Hey all, Beginning to realize the massive role trauma plays in hindering this growth journey, desiring to deeper understand the traumatic events in the past, to heal and integrate them as completely as possible. What are the most effective ways to integrate/heal childhood trauma? I appreciate any ideas and questions you have! Stay true, be you!

Day one actually living through the decision to treat my body well. 'Twas a long day at work, stressful, and instead of using the GF cake, or eating some coconut whip, or snacking on fries to cope, I just focused on the work, and allowed myself to feel how I was feeling. A successful day.

Applied to East West College of healing arts.

This is just the beginning, saying all this means little, the follow through, the struggle, the eventual success, is where this journal will focus on. Plus any more decisions made along the way.

Second Decision. To take good care of my body Via Nutrition and food. I have been letting my nutrition, what I have been putting i my body, and my standards around food, slide, a LOT over the last few months. to the point where at work, I will be snacking on anything Gluten free and dairy free, Vegan ice-cream, GF cake, French fries, Fried fritters, Almonds, salami, pepperoni, and so on. I feel it, my body heavy, the nausea, the lack of energy, the crashes, the lack of alignment with my Values. So last night, as I lay there, wallowing in the consequences of my unconscious food decisions. I choose. I will take goo care of my body. What does that mean? No more snacking. (unless I bring them from home) No more added sugars. Continue being gluten free and dairy free. As I lay there, and this morning on my walking, thinking and reflecting on how this decision aligns with my values. It aligns with every singe one in one way or another. I have been betraying myself, my values, and my Vision for my life by putting this in my body. There's nothing wrong with me, I still love myself, just realizing what I am doing has been sobering. The cost. The pleasure of sugar, snacking, eating. To face the underling stress and emotional turmoil causing me to look to food to numb it. the work to prep more food, and be more conscious of what I put in my body. To say no when my mind tries to convince me "Just this once." To say no to others when they offer it.

So Many: (New Rough Finished Song) https://drive.google.com/file/d/19fzXZYN40-npIOR0gMyLnrGnjY4RSww_/view?usp=sharing Verse 1 So many days Feeling uncertain So many years unanswered questions So many tears As I learn feel again Even more fears As I look within Chorus 1 How do I face every fear So I can love more than my self Something has pulled me to here To surrender to knowing myself Verse 2 So many times I had the answer Only to find More levels to life So many lies keep me from being Even more truth That I ran from in fear Chorus 2 X3 How do I face every fear So I can love more than my self Something has pulled me to here To surrender to knowing myself

Thanks for the suggestion

Thank you! @puporing Those are some really inspiring methods, seems that going through the grieving process, going meta wit it, and deeper awakenings call to me the most. I Love That visualization from the LPC, that was the first stage of realizing how deep/much trauma is in this mind. Thank you for sharing that video as well!

A Path With Heart: (New Rough finished Song) https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kI50zHxqFT82JgkhUkWJPY4FN4PJC6HO/view?usp=sharing Verse 1 The Good life is a few High quality choices away I feel so much uncertainty As I choose to make my own way I doubt myself in all the things I choose Cuz what if it is just the wrong path for me Even if it means that means that I gotta lose As I learn to see what life can really be Chorus 1 I choose The path that will grow me The one that I am afraid of I choose the way that will show me The path with heart Verse 2 What keeps me from making choices to grow my whole life Sometimes its fear that this choice is wrong maybe I'm scared of how it will change my mind I see the best choices that I've ever made So grateful that I had to courage to choose Also I see the times I chose to fear And took that path of least resistance until I saw Chorus 2 I choose The path that will grow me The one that I am afraid of I choose the way that will show me The path with heart

Another dream, another insight. I am on a motorcycle, driving through a rainy, dystopian future, I drive and drive, its dark, there is an evil vibe, seeing slave labor, a hopeless future. I arrive at a stop sign, there is a thin green "parking" lane in the middle of the road, its curved and I align my bike with it, and wait. I become aware that there are cameras watching me. Suddenly the floor drops away and I find myself falling, falling deep into the earth. When I come too, I am tired, bruised, and know what to do, I have been here before. I look around and find a change of clothes, I walk out from where I fell, grabbing my water bottle (haha, even in my dreams I need water) and walk out, fining myself in a hallway, I look left, there is a low (3 foot tall by 8 feet wide) hole/doorway, I go through it and find myself in a shrine. A story is told through painting, it feels off, something feels wrong, doom, permeating the air, it’s a hate shrine to mom. I remember, a family enemy runs this world, I am here to defeat her. I walk out, down the stairs into a large room where I meet her face to face, she is smiles, but there is danger in the air, I start to feel sick, hungry, and she offers food. I take it, and as I am playing a game with my food, growing corn, eating it, I sense a dark presence approaching, it’s a demonic dog figure, twice as large as I am, white gleaming teeth, red eyes, I don’t look at it, even as it comes and sniffs me for fear. In my mind as I graze on the food, I think " don’t be scared" as I feel the breath, and then I remember that wont help, instead I say "surrender to the fear, breathe." and I do, I continue to eat, gaining strength, until I look up, it’s a huge, black dog, cruel teeth, and it shriek's at me "WHHHYYYY MEEEEEEEE!!!" in a croaking high-pitched shrill, it charges, and I catch it by its mouth, I know what to do, I have been here before. In the dream when I reached out to grab its mouth, I did the same in real life, the movement woke me up. The insight is to surrender to fear, instead of resisting it, instead of fighting it, instead of trying not to feel it, feel it deeper, walk right through it, grab that demonic dog by the mouth LOL

Why do you LOVE songwriting? IF you continued on, created a successful career as an independent music artist, who would you be able to inspire with your story of all you overcame?

There is a lot to this life, being on the brink of a new chapter leads me to wonder.... How far does it really go?

Done it, very difficult, was 5 days.

Definitely an area I still work on. Why is it so important for you to be able to connect with people better? My biggest tip is to ask better questions (ones that they want to answer, and lead them to think/introspect a little) and LISTEN.

What does it mean?

Thank you for sharing that perspective! I really love that you are willing to explain more of the nuances here. Valuable insight.

Every little moment has lead here Every single tear drop mattered Let this love flow through me, into you As we face every fear till it is shattered

Highly dependent on what you enjoy doing, and what your focuses are in life. some good starting activities you already mentioned, I would add.. Movement: Yoga, Stretching, even letting your body move how it wants, can be very pleasurable. try new meditation techniques, or breathing techniques, from others or explore your self. Try breathing in new ways, watching it, holding your breath, long breaths, short breaths, anything. Sit, meditate. SURRENDER. Desire to make the most out of it. Put your phone away, somewhere like a bathroom/kitchen door. Have a deep enough understanding of the specific psychedelic you are taking to know when to start, I have definitely taken acid at 6:00 P.M.... that was a long night Take notes as much as you can, but let go of it when it becomes a distraction. Here is my pre-trip ritual, take what works for you, try it out. Clean entire apartment Put away clean dishes Load dishwasher Clean countertops Prep apples, fruit, light snacks. Laundry Sweep floor Clean couch Clean desk Fill essential oil container Incense Fill water bottle. Meditate. Listen to myself. How are you feeling, Paul? Choose reason why. Why am I tripping? TRIP! How much of X will I be taking? What time? Have I taken care of all the responsibilities I know of? Last tip, surrender, let it happen. No clue.