Proserpina

It's a part of my life purpose to change people's minds about the mentally ill. Soften their hearts, change their perspective

I was kinda surprised when he said he wouldn't be friends with someone who is mentally ill. One of the most conscious people I know had schizophrenia. No drama, only generosity, love and kindness.

Two significant dreams: Dream 1- Background- (I'm trying to decide whether or not to live with me Dad, after he punched me) *I go to the loungeroom to get my charger. My mum is sleeping happily on the couch* My Dad: I'm going to have some meat. Me: Oh. A barbecue? (I know it's a dream because my mum is dead so I'm joking around) Dad: Looks like it's sizzling now. ............ Dream 2: God told me to use the master block (minecraft reference) to heal myself. He described it in detail. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

Life purpose: To attain the highest level of connection or devotion to an ideal Top 10 values: Service Kindness/generosity Leadership Optimism/Positivity/ hope Playfulness/spontaneity Honesty Modesty/ Humility Honour Openmindedness/ perspective Joy

The highest score you received says you are - "A loyal, devoted, inspiring idealist Your highest purpose involves devotion to an ideal or cause. Below are some phrases that may give you more clarity. Pick and choose different words and create your own purpose or vision statement. To inspire others to offer their lives to the highest ideal To passionately live up to a high ideal or to a guru To totally love and give my all to some high ideal To fight for a cause for the good of many To attain the highest level of connection or devotion to someone or to an idea

Vision board 04 Carbon Based Lifeforms - Nattväsen {Grown up girl} Many years ago, when I was a little girl, I found myself lost in the forest. Alone I felt a strange warm energy. Something was coming closer It guided me deeper into the forest And down under the ground {Chorus: Girl, repeated 4x} They were friendly creatures, not at all evil I followed then down underground This is my home now

"What if every trauma of yours was just imagined by you in order to keep yourself asleep? Now that would be one hell of a mindfuck." Leo Gura.

I love him and Maynard 4ever. I named my cat Moby.

God and not God : God - Stage Green (deactivated, right soil for God realization) God Becomes Not God - integrated stage orange, God realization. (Activated) Not God - Stage orange Not God becomes God - transmission, integrated stage green Excess womanness/manness - lack of God realization/transmission Zen/Love - God realization/transmission . God and Love : STS and STO. Trying to get STS to be STO. Growing up correlated with/ leads to waking up STO includes or leads to transmission/realization. Spiral dynamics analysis: Love - Feminine Stages, bias God - Masculine Stages, bias STS - Stage Red STO - Stage Green Integrated God and Love - Tier 2, Spiral wizard Awakening - Growing up leading to waking up

@Zeroguy Good to see you back! c:

Healing will result in my return to yellow. I went back one-two space due to damage sustained from psychosis. But I'll rise back up. You can't actually go backwards for forever, eventually you heal. . "Fill your core with Love. Its easier to sustain forgiveness, acceptance and unconditional love if you are already full." - My version of Stage Yellow. "Radiating love you'll already be your ideal self so it won't matter what others think of you." . There's so many downsides to a public journal. It puts me in pain, for one. I just want a place I can keep track of my notes without losing them like I always do, lol. But then I feel this need to be better, to do better. It's painful. I'm trying to mind my own business and keep notes, however amateur.

I have intense chemistry with NTs as an ISFP. Particularly INTJ and ENTJ as we share the same functions. I tend to find SFs boring. Opposites attract and birds of a feather flock together. ISFP sp are: Mellow Honest Quiet Rebellious Anti mainstream Fearful Famous ISFP

Self service and transmission is not separate ime. When your type matures into 'me', yellow masculine, the spiritual dimension opens up. Ego falls away. Turquoise is when the spiritual dimension really opens up. . The Mystical experience was very revealing as to my own personal path. Although I'm sure it would help many people at green. This is only my path. My path is deeply, deeply lopsided for some reason, so when I honour the self I transcend. Ime transmission and STO is not separate. When you polarize you transcend, when you honour the self you transcend. Law of One says the next dimension is accessed through polarization, I think. You graduate this dimension. Stage Green and Yellow is mastery. You transcend due to God realization and due to honouring the self when you honour the self. . Spiral dynamics or the like already covers all of this: - growing up vs waking up (transmission vs Polarization) - polarization: Stage Green - God and Love: Stage green and Stage yellow - Me vs We : Self and Other - importance of the feminine: Stage Green

I think ISFP fits me well. Fi (service) and Ni (spirituality). Se fire.

Mindfulness of the self 1 hours [x] I am that meditation 1 hour []

Here from the king's mountain view Here from the wild dream come true Feast like a sultan, I do On treasures and flesh never few But I, I would wish it all away If I thought I'd lose you just one day The devil and his had me down In love with the dark side I'd found Dabblin' all the way down Up to my neck, soon to drown But you changed that all for me Lifted me up, turned me round So I I I I I would I would I would Wish this all away Prayed like a martyr dusk to dawn Begged like a hooker all night long Tempted the devil with my song And got what I wanted all along But I And I would If I could And I would Wish it away Wish it away Wish it all away Wanna wish it all away No prize that could hold sway Or justify my giving away my center So if I could I'd wish it all away If I thought tomorrow would take you away You, my peace of mind, my all, my center Just trying to hold on one more day Damn my eyes! Damn my eyes! Damn my eyes if they should compromise the fulcrum Wants and needs divide me then I might as well be gone Shine on forever Shine on benevolent sun Shine down upon the broken Shine until the two become one Shine on forever Shine on benevolent sun Shine down upon the severed Shine until the two become one Divided, I'll wither away Divided, I'll wither away Shine down upon the many Light our way, benevolent sun Breathe in union Breathe in union Breathe in union Breathe in union Breathe in union So as one survive Another day and season Silence, legion, save your poison Silence, legion, stay out of my way

It's fine. As long as it's not forced onto the individual for years against their will unless in extreme cases. I think it is counterproductive to their healing and adaptation and essentially places a bandaid on the issue. I can't feel emotions like I used to. It's blunted. It's very frustrating. I also feel as if my freedom has been taken away from me and my spiritual gifts have been taken from me as a result of the emotional blunting.

I think this is fascinating and adds extra dimensionality to spiral dynamics and hierarchical models.

My partner says I made a mistake publicly journalling that. Except I don't want to be embarrassed or ashamed. It was what got me through a hellish experience but no one will believe me of course and everything shifted to where it never happened. Sexuality has a way of shifting higher dimensions. So I did that. Strange men in black who I didn't know but apparently knew me took me so it resulted in that. "Extreme times call for extreme measures" It was like a ritual. . God and Love was basically a message forced out of me with a gun to my head. So of course it wasn't going to be channeled properly even if I had assisting forces. 'God' is a type of way of accessing Self Realization through transmission or 'Love', a self realized person. 'Love', or a self realized person, transmits 'God' or self realization. . God and Love was also STO (God and Love) and STS (God). I combined it. Because it looked fuzzy and I was unwell. In that way I didn't channel properly. I didn't create a duality of God realization and consciousness. God and Love was transmission (NOT consciousness and God realization) God and Love was STS and STO . Possible analysis: An avatar leans forward naturally and its mirror leans back. When the avatar leans back it pulls on the duality and the mirror acts a certain way or leans forward, when the mirror leans forward and the avatar leans back the spirit world is seen. It is on the same frequency as that calibration. Avatar is in a relationship with the human world. It is a mirror of human relationships. Avatar is feminine, mirror is masculine. It may be that the extra dimension is accessed because of right action and mastery. Goddess worship and the feminine is still a key component to all of this. . The beings told me they were forcing me to sleep. The next dimension and this dimension are melded, they aren't so separate. What happens, what mastery is obtained in this dimension, impacts the next dimension. Leaning back/chakra work and transmission occur simultaneously. You have to keep up leaning back/realization for a time (especially if you're medicated like me) to see the next dimension. Enjoy the process. . I've lost my capacity to think/ visualize/ concentrate which was the backbone of my practice due to illness so now I have to find other ways. So far I've found: I am that meditation Mindfulness of the self meditation Short spurts meditation Relying on realization meditation (blank object or very gentle visualization/ concentration meditation) . Green - avatar leaning forward Yellow - matured avatar, leaning back Turquoise - when spirit sweeps you up. 'Vortex sucks you up from hopefulness' . My partner typed me as (ISFP or INTJ): extraverted Sensing (Se) ************************** (26.1) average use introverted Sensing (Si) ************************* (25.3) average use extraverted Intuiting (Ne) ********************************* (33.2) good use introverted Intuiting (Ni) ********************************************** (46.2) excellent use extraverted Thinking (Te) ******************** (20.9) limited use introverted Thinking (Ti) ****************************** (30.1) good use extraverted Feeling (Fe) ************** (14.6) unused introverted Feeling (Fi) ******************************************** (44.2) excellent use . Green to yellow Empath to super empath STO to mature STO Anxious to Anxious- avoidant Love to God and Love Attached to attached-detached . God and Love is polarization + maturity or self service. But polarization has to come first. Stage Green. Priority. Self service or 'narcissist'-empath is stage Yellow. In my system. Stage Green in my system is deeply self sacrificing. Stage yellow is your reward in heaven. .

Major things I've gained/learnt/sorted through from journalling: God realization (I had a proper realization that I am God) Life purpose STO, STS: Self and Other, Law of one, super empath etc. Benefits of medication Alignment with God eases trauma Sorting through psychosis and trauma and my mum's death God and Love was a mistake and correct (Law of One, it worked and led to God realization). Both. Learning from my mistakes so I can be better next time.

The Law of One talks about this..... The next dimension is like the dimension of higher selves who are awake/half awake. There are extra layers of reality. I'm saying this because it explains why people are 'crazy'. There are higher dimensions they are accessing. It requires God realization. It is a result of God realization and transmission. The entities in these higher dimensions are not always pleasant. . The True Self creates a gap between thoughts, less identification. Less bothered by identification, less stickiness, more distance. Rooted in abundance. Increase in wisdom and rationality. "Eckhart says it’s more important to be aware of oneself as presence than to get lost in the mind. With practice, gradually the spaces between thoughts increase and more spaciousness grows within. This will cause our lives to become more peaceful and move us closer to a feeling of liberation."

I prefer not to have conversations in my personal journal. I would prefer to have conversations in private messaging.

I'm too new to this to teach.

It's what is here. It is reality. Happiness. Beauty. I mean I don't always 'see' the divine in the foreground. But I can bring it to the foreground. It's how I got through 'psychosis'. It dissolved everything immediately.

I think appreciation or gratitude is the best prescription. We take for granted what is right here. Psychedelics help us to appreciate but also it can make people attached to a peak state. Not realizing that what is here is more than enough if we don't take it for granted. Psychedelics unlocked my spiritual gifts, so of course I appreciate them too. After the first hit though, I recieved what I needed to recieve. In other words, it can create the wrong attitude conducive to enlightenment.