creator20

Thank you so much for your input. You're right I think overall I need to be more present in my relationships instead of trying to micromanage the future. It's funny how the victim mentality is sometimes so embedded in the thoughts I have that I fail to recognize it as a victim mentality.

Every time I start talking to a man and really start to get committed to the relationship there always seems to be some obstacle (ex. He all of a sudden wants to move across the country, he gets a new job out of the blue in a place where I would not be able to see him often, etc...) and at any mention of him potentially doing something where I would inevitably no longer be in the picture deeply bothers me and makes me feel hopeless in the moment to the point where it's difficult for me to hide or let go of the feeling of sadness. I am young (21) and talk to men around my age who are inevitably on the trajectory toward attempting to build their careers so it would be unreasonable for me to expect much different. I'm not exactly what one would call 'clingy' in a relationship, but I do like to have a sense of security and stability- However, this might be an unreasonable expectation at this point in my life as well. I want to be able to hold relationships with people and to cherish them while they last instead of constantly worrying about if and when they will leave. The sheer mention of someone I'm dating moving or pursuing something away from me sends me into a state of detachment where I feel as if it foolish of me to continue to open up and develop more feelings for the person despite wanting to be vulnerable with them.

I'll just be blunt, whenever my significant other, mom, dad, etc... doesn't text me back in an average amount of time or has their phone off (Which is unusual), I automatically think that they're dead. I will truly sit & work myself up over the thought of them possibly having have gotten into a car accident or dying somehow & no matter how mindful I try to be, there's always that intrusive thought trying to come in that someone close to me has died even when I have no evidence to support this other than no text back or a non-delivered text message. I know why this happens to me. In the past, my significant other called me drunk in distress telling me that he felt like he was going to die & that he couldn't breathe screaming for help on the phone while he was on vacation, and then all of a sudden his phone died & I was anxious for his wellbeing all throughout the night. I tried to text him 100 times, but none of the texts delivered. I was in a panicky state until I got a call from one of his friends hours later telling me that he was ok. Ever since that incident, I have had these anxious intrusive thoughts whenever someone I care about does not respond to me in a timely manner or when my messages don't deliver. I know logically that the thoughts are catastrophic & unlikely to be true- But this doesn't translate emotionally for me. I still get very worked up & if I manage to calm myself down I'm still left with a very uncomfortable & mildly anxious feeling until I do get that text back. If anyone has experienced this same thing any insights/coping mechanisms/advice would be appreciated

I've started engaging with a lot of people who are on their own self actualization & enlightenment journeys. Not just on this forum, but on other forums & my personal social media accounts. I've realized that there is a sense of arrogance & competitiveness among some people in the community. I don't know if this is just something I'm experiencing personally with the specific people & content I'm engaging with or if others have experienced this same thing, but it almost feels as if some people in the community are trying to compete with each other about who is the more enlightened one. Everyone is in a different stage in their journey & I have seen some people who claim to be enlightened talk to others who are not yet at their stage in the journey as if they are stupid or act arrogantly in their communications as if they already know absolutely all the truths that there are to know. It's contradictory in my eyes because this seems to be the exact opposite of how an enlightened person should supposedly conduct themselves being that they are enlightened. I understand how someone could get annoyed trying to convey higher level truths to someone who is in the beginning stages of their journey, but I would hope that people who are farther along can realize that they too were just as ignorant to these truths at one point in time. I think some people farther along in their journey keep themselves in their bubble of other people who are also aware of these truths & are dumbfounded when the vast majority of society can not relate to these truths or understand them at face value, so they act arrogantly as if what they know is basic common knowledge. The fact that some people are putting in immense levels of effort to understand these truths & to develop themselves only to be met with someone farther along in their journey criticizing them or treating them as if they are blatantly unintelligent is bothersome to me. Maybe not the consensus among everyone, but for myself, compassion for others, no matter how unenlightened one considers them to be, is necessary in order to lead a truly enlightened life.

To preface this, I'm a woman, age group of friends 20-24; I'm not going to sit & place a judgment on every woman who has used a dating app, this is purely from my own anecdotal experiences & is not to be taken as a blanket assumption or fact, but the women I know that use these dating apps only use them to seek an excess amount of validation from men. On the other hand, I have one friend who used the app for the same reasons but actually ended up finding a good guy & they have been in a relationship for 2 years. You can usually tell if someone is going to be of interest to you by reading their profile. A lot of high caliber women I know (A bit older maybe 24-27) don't subject themselves to the low level interactions that often occur on these apps; They tell me that they don't have the desire or time for it. Plus a good amount of people on these apps aren't necessarily looking to meet the love of their life if you catch my drift. But don't let this stop you if you're interested in meeting new people this way. You never know who you will meet & you may be pleasantly surprised.

I have had success with some people, yes. The people I've had success with were more of the easily persuaded & open minded type though. Someone who is stubborn about the idea right off the bat likely isn't ready to be helped.

Obviously I don't know who this woman is as a person or how legitimate her claim was of her "wanting a long term relationship." But, as a woman who has heard similar things, I would keep my expectations rather low on this one after the events & conversations that went down. It's no secret you didn't play your cards as well as you could have in terms of seduction, but it's a lesson learned. Perhaps you made a valuable friend, perhaps you helped her come to some realizations for herself, perhaps you genuinely helped another person improve their life & overcome some issues. Regardless of whether or not you got laid, you had a mystical experience with another human being as you said. If you are going to make any attempt to dial this back a few notches, I would say do not contact her for a few days to let the date blow over a bit in her memory. The next time you speak, if you speak, keep the conversation fun & playful & stay emotionally detached from needing sex or anything from her. Keep it cool, calm, & collected, flirt a little bit and see how she responds. If she responds well to some light flirting, you may have your second chance at saving this - If her attitude has changed toward you since the date or if she doesn't seem to be as on board with the flirting as she was previously, let go of any expectations & move on as you see fit. Failures are critical to future successes.

If you want to gain muscle all of that cardio is going to be counterproductive to doing that. And if that's the only way you can get to a gym, then you'd have to eat way more food than you do & you already said your appetite was poor. I don't know your situation entirely, but if it's possible, until you can get reliable transport, I would invest in a home gym type situation. Either that or you're going to have to force feed yourself more calories. The only way to get bigger (Besides the lifting) is to eat more calories. I don't know how it is in Ireland, but in the US they have mass gainer you can buy from the store that has 1200 calories per scoop, so if that's an option for you I'd look into that.

I have looked deeply into the incel community because their worldview fascinates me in a way. When I first got into reading about it, as a woman it was kind of irking to read all the posts about how women should be subject to rape or torture & how they are a sub-human species but once I started reading some of the more moderate viewpoints relating to their constant rejections & low self esteem, I actually started to empathize a bit with some of the incels. It made me wonder if some people really are damned because of their physical appearance when it comes to attracting a partner or if it's just a lack of effort to improve one's appearance. I know a lot of incels hold themselves back with their own victim mentality, negative self image, & radical views on women & society, but in the case where someone is (by Western societal standards) physically unappealing due to some facial flaw or bodily abnormality, what would be a good solution for this? Do you think it's the case that some people will just never be able to find a partner due to the flaws in their appearance or do you think that there always someone for everyone? Just want to broaden my perspective on this.

I've been in a pretty solid relationship since I was 15 (19 now) so I haven't had much of a chance to reject men. However, I do have compassion and empathy for someone who has the confidence to put themselves out there in a well mannered fashion who ends up getting rejected. I'm well aware women can have a very cruel demeanor toward men. However, in many cases, I'm also aware that this is likely due to a myriad of bad/traumatizing experiences that they have had with men in past scenarios. A lot of women have become very cynical toward men approaching them because oftentimes when men approach women they do not make much of an effort to disguise their true intentions. Women can easily detect ulterior motives, a lot of them take offense to a man approaching them in ways they deem to be awkward, bothersome, or inappropriate, thus, they have very little sympathy. I also have empathy for incels. However, I can also empathize with people's ostracization of them. I think a lot of 'feminists' (& not even feminists just society in general) feels the need to ostracize incels because of the press they get. Whenever someone hears or sees something said or written by an incel it's more likely than not going to be some extremely radical post about how 'foids' should be allowed to be raped or killed or something along those lines. It's not easy for the average individual, especially a woman, to empathize with a group that degrades their very existence. The moderate incels get washed away by the extremists.

I have had some friends with horrible abusive upbringings who sought out help & are in a much better place in their lives now. Since reality is largely based on one’s own perception of it, I just don’t know how you could say with this much confidence that you are forever a victim & that there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that ever in your life & also that this is an ‘objective fact.’ I can see that you have self awareness, I can assume by what you said & how you said it that you’ve been through some bad shit, but I can not bring myself to agree with you that you’re just fucked forever because of your past. And to your point about handicapped people being victimized: I have associated with a few mentally handicapped people in my life, family friends, & these people did not strike me as miserable people. They have obstacles for sure, but the ones I have associated with were charming & happy people. I don’t think you can make the assumption that solely because these people are not what one would consider normally functioning that they are doomed to hate themselves & their lives forever. These people may appear to be 'victims' by your definition of it, but not every mentally handicapped person carries out their life in a depressive victimized way.

Let me just start off by saying I don't find this phrase to be true in the slightest. I don't think that you can apply a subjective notion of 'superiority' to something as complex as human beings without any specific measurable benchmarks. I think it is ludicrous how someone could sit & say that "Because I am a man, I am more superior than women at every possible thing ever." It just doesn't hold up factually. I am a woman & for some reason I have this conversation with men more frequently than I'd like. The men I've spoken to always feel almost a neurotic need to always assert to me that "Men are objectively superior to women." It just comes out of absolutely nowhere. I could be driving my car with a guy friend & he would be like "You know men are objectively superior to women when it comes to driving." Is this just insecurity? Is there a reason why I'm attracting male figures in my life who always feel the need to assert this for seemingly no reason? Guess I'm just searching for some more understanding on why this is even a conversation that needs to be had, but it's pretty awkward every time it happens considering that I am a woman & have to listen to the men in my life constantly try to, without warrant, force their notion of superiority onto me all the time.

Let it go appears to be the top answer- However, I know that's not always easy to just do. If I was in your situation I would gain a lot of insight on your friend's behavior & then sit them down & try to explain to them that you are concerned for their psychological wellbeing with the way that they've been treating you & others. If you have this conversation from a place of genuine compassion & concern then maybe it will spark a change & bring some self awareness to your friend. If this doesn't work, then you will eventually have to distance yourself from the toxicity.

I wouldn't emotionally distance myself from my parents solely because they are at a different stage. Perhaps instead of full on telling them that you have completely different views & that you no longer value their religious ideologies, you could tune them in to some of the insights you have & see how well they respond?? If they don't respond well, then you'll just have to bite the bullet & live your life authentically. Have compassion for them & love them where they are at.

A difficult thing for me was diving head first into self development work while everyone else in my life stayed the same. As I began to develop myself more I felt very alienated from the people in my life- Like I could not relate to them the same way I used to be able to. But ultimately it has been rewarding because 1. I don't feel a need to have many friends in my life because I am happy with my own company & 2. Because I have attracted more conscious people into my life.

I'm not going to deny that my post lacks context but the reason it does is because I'm not able to recall precisely how I was gripping the steering wheel 5 months ago, what song was playing on the radio, whether or not the car was clean, & the myriad of minute details that would make a rather miniscule difference conversationally. I'm stating the scenario as I perceived the scenario. I know it seems ludicrous that a man would randomly say some of these things to me & that one would come to the conclusion that I MUST have done something equally as ludicrous to provoke it, but from my perspective on the situation, I know that I'm not someone who conversationally stirs the pot for absolutely no reason. I'm not the type to intentionally try to provoke someone's insecurities & competitive nature with my personae. Which has lead me to believe that my exhibition of more 'masculine' traits provokes the men in my life to the point where they feel a need to try & have these conversations with me in an undermining tone. My meta-justification is based on me living in the United States where we are not (for the most part) in a constant physical life or death situation where underminingly bringing up the conversation of who is more capable of surviving a threat is irrelevant other than to try & peg superiority. I have no issue with fact-based discussions not because of my 'logical' mind, but because they tend to be more productive & level headed conversations that are not defensive emotional outbursts about which sex is more superior based on one's own bias & insecurity toward their own sex. I agree with your last point. After some reflection I'm not sure if this is so much my problem; It might be more of a problem other people have with how I present myself as a woman.

I would but I'm 19 so I'm not sure if I'd have too much in common with them lol

Just to clarify, I choose the word "degrade" because I have been told verbatim that "You are the reason that men hate women" & comments similar to that back when I was more in tune (Maybe a little too in tune) with my feminine side. But you're right. It's just hard to determine whether I am in a good balance or not because I have a lot of masculine traits that I exhibit although I don't really consider them to be inherently 'masculine'- The men around me do so it throws me off as to how they expect me to act, conversate, live my life. As for appearance, I look very feminine. I work out a lot, I'm shapely, I wear makeup, I dress feminine. I suppose it's just my mindset & the way I approach things that throw them off.

It's always been a difficult balance between masculinity & femininity in my life. When I was more overtly feminine, I would get disrespected by men & told that I'm too clingy & too emotional. As a result of this, I switched toward portraying a more masculine personae. I became emotionally detached, more logical conversationally, more extroverted, etc... & this has backfired on me as well because now instead of getting degraded for being too feminine, now I just get degraded for not being feminine enough. It's like I'm not even seen as a woman anymore. I'm a conversational threat. I'm a competition. It's like I'm the bad guy for being too feminine & now I'm the bad guy for being too masculine. I just can't seem to effectively strike this balance between being seen as a desirable feminine woman, but independent, ambitious, & strong minded at the same time.

I can understand that, but it's just odd to me that this I'm even put on this same playing field. I don't want to be seen as competition or a threat to my significant other or to other men in my life just for operating in life how I prefer to operate. I am partly to blame for this because I don't display a lot of overt femininity in my daily interactions/actions, but when I try to force what these men view as appropriate femininity I feel as if I'm being inauthentic to myself.

Agreed. I don't mind an actual productive conversation on how men tend to be more adept at certain things than women are or vice versa. But the men I'm in contact with aren't seeking to have any productive discussion imo. The discussion just derails into how they are objectively the more superior sex & they get wildly defensive about it. Also to be quite honest as a woman it's an awkward thing to have to hear a man always assert to me how much more superior he is or hypothetically would be at the things I'm doing. It puts me in a weird place of feeling the need to defend my sex & the capabilities of women, but at the same time I also realize that there is no point in conversing because they are only bringing up their superiority as a coping mechanism because they truly feel inadequate. If it was an 'objective fact' to these men that they were "objectively superior to women" I feel like it wouldn't even be a discussion. I mean people don't sit around all day & debate facts like "The grass is green." So if these men truly felt as if their superiority was fact based, why do they feel a need to even debate it with me?

(So first off just to address the direction this forum has gone in; The forum has went into the direction of "Men are on average physically stronger than women" and I'm not trying to debate obvious biological occurrences that men on average tend to be physically stronger and larger in size than women (Although of course there are edge cases where this is not always true). I'm also not denying that in some facets of life men tend to be more adept to do certain things than women are & vice versa. I acknowledge both sexes have inherent strengths & weaknesses.) People trying to give fact based arguments about how men are more superior at X, Y, Z as opposed to women doesn't interest me. What I wanted to get to the bottom of in this post is why men (Not all men, but at least the one's I've experienced) feel the need to assert some sort of dominance over women on a consistent basis. I'm aware this might just be an occurrence that I'm dealing with personally that isn't that common among other people, but nonetheless I have experienced this & I know many of my other female friends have experienced random undermining by men for seemingly no apparent reason. It's difficult to explain the context in which these things happen to me because there is no one specific occurrence I'm speaking about due to the frequency in which it happens. But to name one specific context I was speaking to a male friend talking about how I wanted to become a manager at work and the conversation went immediately to, "Women can't be managers. Have you ever had a woman manager? Women are too emotional to handle positions of power. Men are superior at those things." Another occurrence, (Which I did not explain well in the OP), was when I was driving my guy friend to his friend's house & he felt the need to assert to me that men were better drivers than women. We went into this entire discussion about how men were 'objectively' superior to women in terms of driving & survival in general. But I just did not see how this was a relevant conversation. In a society where we aren't facing too many physical threats all the time, why are we fixated on men having better survival skills than women & feeling the need to bring that up in an undermining way to try & establish our own superiority over someone else? My issue is not people wanting to have an unbiased fact based discussion on which ways men perform better than women & women better than men & vice versa, but the men who have these conversations with me aren't seeking to have a productive conversation about psychological/biological differences between the sexes. It seems as if the men in my life are always trying to assert their superiority over me in order to undermine me. This could be due to my personality type as I've always been a logical, rational, quick-witted, what some might say 'male-minded' with the way I go about things. I embody a lot of masculine traits & I think this is rubbing the men in my life the wrong way to the point where the men in my life see me as a threat or a competition rather than a womanly counterpart or fundamentally different in nature for lack of better wording. I'm being put on the same competitive playing field as the men in my life for whatever reason & I wanted to understand more about why/how to rectify this.

Thank you!

I remember Leo had posted a large document containing all the notes he had taken on all of his videos & I've been looking for it but can't seem to find it. Can someone tell me where I can locate them?? Thank you

I come from an affluent family & I am in a very comfortable monetary situation. My views on money are that it is not a hard thing to acquire & that I have the capability to go out & make money any time I'd like to. My friends resent me for this mindset & they attribute it to me being privileged growing up. I do not deny that my upbringing heavily shaped my views on money, but my issue isn't with them pointing out my monetary privilege, it's with them using my financial circumstances as a means to undermine every single accomplishment I make in my life. My friends have flat out told me that at times they let their jealousy get the best of them & that they do act in resentful ways toward me because of this jealousy, but I don't think I deserve this. They have even gone as far as to say that I only have the positive outlook that I have because I'm monetarily privileged & have never struggled in my life even though I have suffered from severe depression & anxiety. I spent countless hours every single day for months on end self teaching & studying self actualization in order to rectify the mental issues I had so I think it is unfair for them to use my financial situation as a way to undermine the hard work I put into this journey. This isn't exactly an issue of me needing validation from my friends that I'm doing a decent job in life, because I already know that to be true for myself. It's more of an issue of me not knowing how to address the constant undermining comments & resentful outbursts when I share anything good that's happening in my life with them. I can't tell my friends that I lost 5 pounds & that I'm really happy about it, that I got a promotion at work, or about any good thing that happens in my life because I'll just be met with resentment & undermining comments. My friends have even gotten pissed at me for sending them a nice selfie on Snapchat because by doing so they get insecure about their looks & this insecurity manifests in resent. This happens to me on a weekly basis & I'm not sure how to approach or confront this issue in a productive way that would facilitate any type of change in my relationships. When something good happens to my friends, I get genuinely excited & happy for them. When something good happens to me, I get blatantly undermined & shamed for it