ZenSwift

My first thought to this is "we'll see"

I lacked experience with eating weed directly like this. I had gummies and chocolate. So I'm actually disconnected from understanding how much of the physical plant would do what. I also heavily conformed to group think. Believing that "it wasn't gonna be that much." I even fought for a lighter dose despite being met with heavy judgement of "you're not gonna feel much with that." It started from a golf-ball size dose which was "the typical dose," and I took an eighth of that. I also lacked finding sufficient information on Bhaang. I was also depressed and was open to taking something for an insightful trip. In my mind I didn't think weed was the majority of the ball, like it was 80% other herbs. In essence, I didn't think that amount of Bhaang was going to impact me that much. So basically poor sensemaking all around.

11 Attempts of 5-MeO-MALT - Trip Reports Date: July 24th 2023 - May 26th 2024 I want these trip reports to serve as documentation of my commitment to the psychedelic process. Table of Contents: 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0001 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0002 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0003 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0004 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0005 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0006 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0007 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0008 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0009 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0010 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0011 Preface before going into 5-MeO-MALT I have to remind myself that 5MEOMALT may not work for me. May not be safe for me. And I must go slow and cap it at a point where it seems unsafe. Not to be worried, but to be informed. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0001 - I got nothing. Date: July 24th 2023 Dose: Plugged 1/2 a level 5-10mg microscoop. I eyeballed splitting it in half, like a boss. Did 2 enemas beforehand. Basically overkill. I think fasting and taking a dump is adequate. Intention: What is the True Nature of Reality? Time: Taken at 2:25pm Plugged the first half at 0.6ml mark on the syringe 18 minutes in - Subtle floor breathing? 42 minutes in - This ain't shit. Plugged 2nd half @3:21pm, an hour in from the first dose. Plugged at 0.4ml mark on the syringe 1 hour in - Subtle waves in the popcorn ceiling maybe? Subtle squeezing in the visual field. 1h 30min - Maybe feeling an onset? Pressure in the head? 2h ain't feeling shit. End of report. Post report: Yeah this was a dud. I am disappointed. Might just need to dose much more of the substance. Assuming the ROA is correct, because I have plugged LSD before and it worked phenomenally. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0002 Date: July 25th 2023 Attempt 1 out of 2 Dose: Snorting 3/4 of a micro-scoop of 5-MeO-MALT. (5-10mg scoop, supposedly) Time: Taken at 8:18AM - Feeling the subtle tingling in my nose. 33 minutes - snorted the rest of the scoop. So now there is 1 scoop total in my nose. Felt the tingling burning sensation in my nose. Feeling dizzy, lethargic, light headed. Certainly feeling LESS conscious, not more. Feeling a bit nauseated and sick to my stomach a bit. I would very likely throw up if I tried to eat. Nose bleeding a tiny bit. 4h 30 min - I feel completely back to normal. Attempt 2 out of 2 Dose and time: Plugging 1.5 scoops at 12:51PM (1 scoop = 5-10mg supposedly) Slightly uncomfortable to plug some liquid. Feeling a tiny bit of activation in my brain. Specifically at a concentrated point like in the center front. Kinda hard to point to. Nothing yet. Subtle visuals of squeezing in the ceiling. That's it. End of Report. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0003 Date: July 26th 2023 Dose: Okay so let's try plugging 2.5 scoops. Supposedly 5-10mg each scoop, (But I'm calling BS) Time: Plugged at 11:56AM Pictured: 2.5 Small-Yellow micro-scoops in a spoon. 21 minutes - Feeling an onset. 30 minutes - There is definitely something activating. Feeling of stimulation in the brain. But no notable effects beyond that feeling of stimulation/activation in the center of my head. My experience was just 3 hours of that subtle feeling of pressure in my head. I'm pretty darn sure that you wouldn't easily overlook the effects of this psychedelic. The desired effects are not taking effect. The effects that I DO FEEL I feel are timed exactly as I expect 5meomalt would. 20 minute wait to feelings of an onset - Check! 4 hours later, I'm no longer feeling anything at all. - Check! I suspect that I'm not taking nearly enough, as the bag is only 100mg, and I haven't made much of a dent in it as I should've by now. Perhaps I just have a crap batch? Perhaps it expired? The substance is a year old since I've received it. Just stored it in my closet, no special leaving it in the freezer or anything. End of Report. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0004 Date: July 27th 2023 Dose: 5 Small Yellow microscoops (pictured) According to my scale of weighing the bag before and after, this is 9mg. Time: Dissolved in water and Taken @2:28pm Subtle squeezing in the ceiling. I’m definitely feeling something, but nothing is blowing my mind yet. No cool psychedelic effects, just pressures in my head impacting my ability to focus and whatnot. Maybe like 1/10 high but like no desirable effects are actually present. I'm going to shelf 5-MeO-MALT for now, and I also ran out of supervision time for now. I think I'll try smoking half a scoop at some point just to see if the batch is good at all. I'm highly skeptical that I am THAT tolerant to 5-MeO-MALT. I have 2g of 5-MeO-DMT, I would rather go take a micro-scoop of that and get my mind blown more reliably. End of Report. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0005 New batch from a different source. The powder is white instead of brown. Reagent testing checks out. Date: August 29th 2023 Dose: Did 1 Red microscoop. It dissolved well in water. Time: Plugged at 12:01 Intention: What is the True Nature of Reality? 7 minutes in - Possible tingling sensation 12 minutes - An uncomfortable feeling, an unease? 15 minutes - Felt a zing of activation. Feeling a tingling sensation in the brain. 20 minutes - Feeling a tingling and sensitive feeling. The dose is still too low. End of Report. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0006 Date: Sept 4th 2023 Dose: 2 red microscoops of 5-MeO-MALT Time: Plugged at 5:30pm. Last meal was at 9-10 AM today I’m experiencing brain activation definitely going on, but nothing is blowing my mind. 39 minutes - I’m definitely experiencing things. Possible elevation in mood, increased sensitivity in emotion. My brain is being tingled right now. Feels metallic. So I was getting high, and it was hard to focus. Experiencing sensitivity, tingled/spongled brain sensations, mood enhancement, immersion enhancement. End of Report. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0007 Date: September 20th 2023 Dose: 3 Red Microscoops of 5MEOMALT Intention: What is Actuality? What is the True Nature of Reality? 21 minutes - Kicking in. I’m getting that rushing water feeling when you're high. As if a firehose of water 3 meters in diameter is directly pointed at you and in front of you. Overall, nothing profound happening at all here in this trip. End of Report. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0008 Date: October 23rd 2023 Dose: 5 red Scoops of 5-MeO-MALT Time: Plugged at 6:47pm Intention: What is God? What is Reality? What is the true nature of reality? Start of Report: So I'm an hour in, I'm definitely High but nothing is blowing my mind, I’m not even experiencing a psychedelic state like you would have on psilocybin or LSD. I don't think I'm experiencing any creativity enhancement or anything like that. I am acutely aware of the shadows I see as I walk around. Kind of feeling like I'm walking in a soup. 1h 26min - Subtle Visuals of squeezing in the popcorn ceiling. End of Report 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0009 > Trip Report is not found. Dose was 8 micro-scoops. > Nothing of note, more of the same. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0010 Date: May 22nd 2024 Moving on to the Big Yellow Scoop Last trip attempt was 8 red Scoops. A single big yellow scoop appears to be 2 red scoops. For this attempt, I will try 4 leveled Yellow Big Scoops. Dose: 3 Big Yellow Scoops of 5-MeO-MALT HCL. 1/2 Tablespoon with AAA and AA Battery for size reference. (Pictured) I anticipate this to be as uneventful as last time, as this should be equal to the dose that I took last time. Time: Taking at 8:20. 8:20 p.m. and my ass immediately Burns. I've been fasting for 5 hours. Intention: What is God, what is love, what is truth? What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing in reality if I do not design my life perfectly how I want to live it? Every day is an opportunity to beautifully orchestrate and design my life to be beautifully designed with a path of my choosing. Really really fucking high right now. 26 minutes in. Getting Visuals of squeezing. > CLEARLY, I was still sober enough to write. 34 minutes - Moving in the hardwood floors To even have a form is to make yourself forget that you are an infinite power. My body is shaking a bit. What is Selfish? Self-ish? There is no orientation in reality. It's like zero gravity. Meaning reveals itself when parts of your self starts to die. You see the REAL footholds of what is holding your life together. I need to challenge myself to focus on reading everyday. That will teach me a lot if I can learn to read for an hour a day. That will teach me a lot about life and how to organize my life to get that done. 1h 58 minutes - I am noticing very significant visuals in the wooden floor. Squeezing, moving floor. It looks like pretty much all psychedelics have visuals for me. Noticing visuals of when I look at the mirror. I'm experiencing full on projection of imagery of visuals on the floor if I just sit and stare for too long. This reminds me of N,N-DMT, even though I haven't experienced N,N-DMT before. Definitely nothing is blowing my mind yet. But I can say for the first time I'm actually getting high. It appears that Life purpose is less a fixed truth and more a surrender to what you are. It functions as a construct that gives direction rather than an objective mandate. People often define purpose through what they feel most attuned to, yet attunement itself is shaped by choice and practice. Purpose is not found but continuously enacted through what you decide to cultivate. (chatGPT assisted for clarification) I know in my heart that I am a teacher. And I want to be teaching people deep lessons about themselves such that they can strengthen themselves for the challenge of life ahead. I have had desires to master art, but if I was a digital artist, I would not be satisfied. I would be leaving so much on the table. It wouldn’t align with the value I truly wanted to create. If I just mastered digital art for example, I feel like my capacity to contribute to others would be greatly diminished. I believe my greatest capacities lie in an ability to teach others how to master the flow of life. Like a Leo Gura / Wayne Dyer type. I do wonder if my need to be a therapist is just my need for connection. I still wonder: What if I genuinely took on working out as a hobby? Like I named it as my hobby and I actually went to science on it. Took on bodybuilding as a serious hobby… I'm at the point right now that: I realize that the only way I'm going to go further is out of a raw desire for truth itself. Say the trip felt like a persistent background anxiety, but I’m familiar enough with that state that it didn’t stand out much. What really stood out was the mental fog. My thoughts were jumpy, scattered, distracted. There was no real focus. I wasn’t sitting and meditating or deliberately attending to my experience, and that probably explains most of it. I was just walking around, passively taking things in. (chatGPT assisted for clarity) If I were to do this again, I’d keep the exact same dose but radically change the approach. The emphasis would be almost entirely on stillness, sustained meditation, direct observation, and intentional contemplation. I did listen to Leo’s guided exercise about realizing you are God, and hearing it now lands differently. In an earlier trip, I had very intense glimpses into solipsism, but this time there was none of that. Mostly because I wasn’t actually focusing on anything. (chatGPT assisted for clarity) What did come through strongly was the sense that waking reality itself is a dream. That recognition was intense and honestly terrifying, and I noticed myself immediately distracting away from it. (chatGPT assisted for clarity) At this point kind of at an interesting Crossroads presents itself: Where if I continue to keep going and push higher doses, contemplate and do more on these pure ego dissolving substances, then I have to do it out of a serious love for truth and I have to be ready to let go of all my Illusions in reality. For me at least so far, I don't get any extreme creativity boost or anything like that like you would get on psilocybin. For me, I can take 5 grams of psilocybin mushrooms and have a lot of reliable good insights just from taking a dose and even with no plan at all. Whereas I feel like with this substance you have to absolutely be dialed in and focused and not distract yourself at all to really get the juice out of it. This psychedelic is not going to throw you into the abyss, you have to walk off yourself, it just grants me the ability to do it. > Upon Reflection in December 2025, this interpretation was just missing that my dose was just too low. If I had a proper dose to send me properly, I wouldn’t necessarily have to focus, because the psychedelic would hit me like a train. That does not negate the fact that focusing your consciousness still appears to be important with your trips. There may be a lingering sense of ego death or something that was creating the anxiety because of course anxiety is just a defense mechanism from the ego dying, some part of the ego construct dying. And that did instigate a lot of much more serious thought about my life and like what the fuck am I doing. It makes me think how I want to enter a volunteer position doing hospice to just get some brutal reality of what it's like to be at the end of your life that will serve some really good self reflection for me. At this point, I’m experiencing a fear that using these ego-dissolving substances will also dissolve what little motivation I already have, since productivity is something I already struggle with. That fear sits right at the center of the crossroads I keep returning to. If the illusion of reality really drops away, it feels like you also lose a reason to participate. You’re no longer driven like some productivity god. But the truth is, that mode is already mostly gone for me. What I actually want now is to surrender to whatever this ego is genuinely satisfied doing and commit to it fully, almost like a religion. To put it at full tilt and master a craft through daily, deliberate effort. What I want is steady movement toward mastery. Real progress every day, not the feeling of standing still. My biggest issue has been fragmentation. My focus keeps splitting between writing, YouTube, life coaching, or sometimes abandoning everything altogether. With too many options, none of the needles move. I end up stalled by choice itself. (ChatGPT Assisted for clarity) It's crazy to see how Clarity Works where I'll be clear on something but then I'll deconstruct it and I won't be clear about it, but then I'll learn to reconstruct it again with a stronger foundation and then I'll be even more clear than ever that that is what I want to do with my life. I keep circling the question of what truths I actually want, and whether that is even something I get to choose. Can I decide which truths to face, or do they just impose themselves? Part of me wonders if I could choose a hard truth on purpose. To stop distracting myself with ideas of success and instead fully own my difficulty coping with being alone. To let that be the work. (ChatGPT Assisted for clarity) Another part of me wonders whether I should go all in on the enlightenment path. To push toward awakening, where reality is said to become pure magic and beauty. I genuinely don’t know which direction is honest. It feels like a chasm I can’t think my way across. At some point, I have to step into it and find out directly. (ChatGPT Assisted for clarity) Whatever reality turns out to be, if it’s true, I’ll eventually have to learn to stomach it. It seems better to do that sooner rather than later. This body is going to die anyway. Waiting until the final years, living in a constant fear of death, feels like postponing something inevitable. If it has to be faced, I might as well start now. (ChatGPT Assisted for clarity) Another note, my anus has definitely bled a little bit from the burning of the salt in my anus. The burning of the salt of the psychedelic has made shitting very uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that I start hoping that all these attempts are all worth it, and it's not just a fucked up prank while you're burning your ass every couple weeks trying to see God. I am pretty aware now that I genuinely don't know if this process would bear fruits as promised by many. For all I know, “Awakening” could be a fucking terrible thing and just put me in a consistent world of pain. I literally at this point can only pursue “Awakening” with a genuine hunger for understanding of what the fuck reality actually is in it's true nature. I have to be willing to bear whatever costs that pursuit comes with. I have to be willing to bear the costs of truth seeking. No fantasy of flowery awakening promises will actually push me through. Going forward, I have to dose 5-MeO in the morning, as I will have taken the psychedelic 7 hours ago, and there I am with a burning ass at 3:00 a.m., pretty much still wired awake. At one point, I was looking at the back of my hand and it looked mysterious and alien. End of Report. 5-MeO-MALT Trip 0011 Date: May 26th 2024 Dose: This dose is 4 Big Leveled Yellow scoops. I made sure to firmly pack down the powder into the scoop. Apparently it's roughly 15mg per scoop. See Picture. Time: Taken at 1:55pm The first 5 to 10 minutes was the most uncomfortable feeling in my ass of 2024. Kind of burning and just feeling that I need to shit type deal. All the while getting really high really quickly. I think I can mix it with something in the future to avoid burning. The dose may be more because I ensured it was firmly packed. Super uncomfortable sensation in the ass I just want to shit right now. 28 minutes - REALLY HIGH I'm as fucked as the rest of you guys. I just have a wider lens of insight in some areas. 50 minutes in - Came off a 20 minute phone call and grounding with my mom. Not yet used to the feeling of Ego dissolution. Listening to Leo's guided exercise on realizing you're God. Nobody is here. All appearances are just a play to distract myself. What if I paid money to go to school but it's a curriculum completely designed for myself? >This ideally looks like getting weekly life coaching! Just experienced the anxiety and panic of an Ego Dissolution. I'm just getting started. Nothing crazy I'm becoming conscious of. > Dose is still WAY TOO LOW! It kind of sucks too because on mushrooms or LSD my mind is in a hyper-creative mode and I'm making really cool insights and stuff like that; but here, it's just a regular trip with a bit of visuals and a relatively clear state of mind with a bit of ego dissolution or something. I think the guided exercise to realize you’re God is a helpful tool. I think sitting there in meditation while on a psychedelic, going through a checklist of things to strip away from my experience will be useful. > Sense Organs Are Imaginary - very good pointer - https://www.actualized.org/insights/sense-organs-are-imaginary > Guided Exercise For Realising You Are God > How To Do Self-Inquiry I would also like to just sit there in meditation and really focus on understanding what the experience of ego dissolution is. I think this will help me on my 5-MeO-DMT Journey. One thing I noticed is that there is no bleeding this time (from my anus). So it could be possible that when I inserted my syringe that I nicked my rectal walls and perhaps I nicked a hemorrhoid or something. Plus my diet had much more solid foods that day so that probably played a huge part as well whereas the last trip I had a complete blender full of a protein shake. I would say the trip for me lasts a total of 5 hours from the onset to the last after effects. Very strong in the first hour and a half, and then much more Down to Earth in the third hour, and then just kind of slowly becomes more sober in the 6th hour. End of Report.

Just imagine being so high for 2 days where your only job was to just lay down and exist in time distorted eternity until it's over.

I look forward to any illuminating insights that come from this project.

I cannot recall much, most of it is a blur. There was no really coherent thought process. My mind was acting like a visual of recursion in the most incoherent way. Sensemaking went out the window. Thought loops out the wazoo. It was very much an experiential thing. Perhaps scary forms of oneness is about all I could recall. I have taken THC before a handful of times, and I am very sensitive to it. A 10mg edible will knock me off my feet, and I've done 20-25mg as my highest dose. This was definetly significantly higher. Next time I'd do the size of a match head. I'm starting to believe being sensitive to weed is more common than initially estimated. And I think the impacts of THC are intensified if you are a avid psychonaught and deconstruct reality a lot as well.

7 Handshakes with 5-MeO-DMT June 3rd 2025 - June 12th 2025 Table of Contents: 5-MEO-DMT Failed Attempts 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0001 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0002 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0003 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0004 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0005 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0006 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0007 5-MEO-DMT Failed Attempts: 5-MEO-DMT Attempt 1 0001 - Dose is way Too Low My Scoop is the small end of the yellow double scoop. (Pictured: The microscoops) Date: August 4th 2023 2:31 plugged half scoop at 6mm mark. Felt nothing of note. 3:10 plugged 1 scoop at 5mm mark and stood up immediately. Felt nothing of note 3:37 pm snorted half a scoop 7 minutes in: Feeling tingling in my nasal cavity as I sit here with my head upside down for the first 10 minutes. I felt the burning in the back of my throat as I felt the substance leaking back there lol 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0001 Date: June 3rd 2025 Context: In Ireland with my fellow Actualized.org enjoyer friend. We have no Microscoops or anything of that sort. Just a pair of eyeballs. So we just put a couple grains in an oil burner pipe, and used a normal lighter, and off to the races we go. It's pretty ironic that the most powerful substances are the hardest to measure. In the future, I will invest in an e-mesh setup, and use microscoops. Right now in the current scenario I find myself in, this is not accessible. As expected, shortly after taking a hit for the pipe, within a minute you are fully skyrocketed into the state of consciousness of the dose you just took. This psychedelic experience is not beginner material. The set and setting was indoors sitting on the floor wrapped in blankets, sitting cross-legged. I have my trip sitter directly sitting in front of me where we hold hands and maintain eye contact and have verbal affirmations of love of God to aid in grounding. HIT 1 The come up was gnarly. I just had a few grains, but overall it was very well handled. Due to my already established experience with other psychedelics, I was able to “hold on” and not reject the experience. However, how deep it went with just a couple grains was completely unexpected, but I hung in there nonetheless. I'm glad I just did a few grains! I had vibrations in my hands and I made a comment around the emphasis of how stable I was 5 minutes later. I had a little bit of tactile enhancement, feeling in my hands, increased body awareness. I tried to take a look at my hands to see if there's anything extremely noticeable in these different states of consciousness, but nothing that I could penetrate right there, the dose is too low for anything obvious to be revealed to me. ((( For Context... Personally, the attitude that I take with psychedelics now is that things will reveal themselves with a proper high enough dose and with the proper focusing of your consciousness. For example, when I became conscious for the first time that I have no head when I was on mushrooms, it was just obvious, I was focusing on "what is actuality", and I realized that there was no physical head present. Or when I was on another trip of mushrooms and how everything around me was revealed to be made out of nothing. Nothing IS going on. This became completely obvious. The room felt holographic. Or another time when I was tripping on 6.5 grams of mushrooms, and the fact that I was the only experiencer in reality became completely obvious. With all of this in mind, I am assuming that what is to be revealed to me on 5-MeO-DMT will just become obvious and apparent. In my experience, the best insights come from just having a good contemplation practice sober, and then letting that sober contemplation inform your direct experience in these Peak States Of Consciousness when you're on a psychedelic, paying attention to the truth of direct experience. I have yet to use LSD-like substances and just practice long bouts of contemplation on a continual basis. I’ve done this with LSD Trip 002 and LSD Trip 004, and it was powerful. At this moment of my life, my contemplation muscle is relatively weak to where I need it to be. So I don't try to force any insights, they just come when they do. I just go through the motions of contemplation and pay attention to the actuality of direct experience, and see what comes up. Now with these initial doses, I'm pretty much just trying to get used to doing the substance. With experience, I will be able to integrate much more contemplative thought or intentions into my trips but I think just getting myself to that higher state of consciousness is above all, the most important. The studies and contemplations that I've done sober will ultimately feed into those heightened states. I noticed after just reading through parts of the book “God is Nothingness”, nothingness was immediately more understandable and accessible. So likewise, I gotta study more into the Nature of Consciousness. I've gotta crack Leo’s book list wide open and read the crap out of it! End of Context...))) It was an intense come up like a ton of bricks. Like a Tsunami that hits you before you understand what's going on. The most important thing that will ground you through this experience is focusing on love. This is my experience so far. I would rate this an overall come up intensity 7 out of 10. This psychedelic will immediately demand your seriousness. It slapped away any hint of jokiness or tomfoolery attitude out of my consciousness. This was the real deal, this is serious work. I understand now why shamans are so serious with the song and dance that they do. Although I believe it largely to be unnecessary to have all the rituals, I understand why it is done with the utmost seriousness. The song and dance is just a medium through to practice an attitude of seriousness and devotion to set the tone for the psychedelic. At the end of the day, it's how your state of consciousness IS, going INTO the 5-MeO-DMT trip, and your level of readiness. I can understand now, how you have to want God deeply with your entire heart; coming from a place of intense yearning and wanting to know God like a man whose head is on fire wants a pool of water. This level of desire for God will be the bridge to let go of yourself and to endure your fear, to really lean into the experience to cross over into a proper ego death, and breakthrough. HIT 2 I took a second hit about an hour later, it was much easier, more stable, most likely also because I was playing a song that I deeply connected with emotionally and I think that becomes an anchor throughout the experience. HIT 3 20 minutes later I hit the pipe a third time, and it was really easy, very stable, and I'm starting to get increasingly comfortable with the unique state of consciousness. And now I have noticed a really bad taste in my mouth from the substance probably being burnt a little bit. HIT 4 23 minutes later I hit the pipe for a fourth time, it was a slightly bigger dose, but it was handled seamlessly. It was very stable and I just had silence this time, I was very relaxed and calibrated. I can see how you can lose yourself completely, you're just gone, and you just completely dissolve. I've realized doing NSDR before a 5meo hit could help significantly because it relaxes the nervous system End of Report. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0002 Date: June 4th 2025 Dose: Unknown. 1-5mg Smoked. Hit 1: Biggest hit so far. Had to swat away the mind like flies. Thoughts about backing out have no good use here at all. That trip was tough. I was zoned in for a solid 9-10 minutes. You need to weep to receive God. You need to want God from a place of deep sadness. Sadness is divine. There is something powerful in Sadness. God's eternal love is patient. Love = Surrender Love = Death Death = God = Selflessness I have a slightly heightened access to accessing the beauty of God in direct experience, and the love that comes from a state of selflessness. When you shut off your own thoughts that come from self-interest, you become much more understanding of others' need for love and you become a vessel of love. You lean into someone's jokes the more you love them. You can feel the polarity of positive and negative in your words and in your tone of voice. What is God's love? Hit 2: about 50 minutes later: Felt half as strong Hit 3: 5-7 minutes later Not much to write home about, still not as strong I experienced a lot of brain fatigue later. I can definitely see the value of plugging 5-MeO-DMT. To get that prolonged experience in that peak state of consciousness, to really soak in what is obvious in that state of consciousness. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0003 Date: June 8th 2025 Just in the preparation of 5-MeO-DMT, I am noticing all of the ways I am a devil with my judgement. I have to cultivate an environment of love to create a proper set and setting for these trips. This session I took several hits, starting with a very tiny bit, and then just taking hits subsequently, until probably about four to six hits in total. With some inhales more successful than others. Nothing experienced here knocked my socks off, like in the last session. But I had a positive encounter with an easy light caress into the 5-MeO-DMT space. The ego prevents you from being serious. That's its job to distract you from this work. Selflessness = Intelligence Death, ego death gets recontextualized into dissolving into love. I look forward to the exhaustion of dying to God. The previous days I've noticed significant more stress being held in my body with acne forming on my face, neck and my shoulders especially on my back. I also had all the stress and fear get channeled into my hip flexors which artificially tightened them significantly to the point of inability to rotate my right leg outward. So my body was experiencing LOADS of fear. After today's session my hip mobility was significantly restored because my body was finally able to relax. Today was another session of experience to get comfortable with 5MEO. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0004 Date: June 9th 2025 Contemplations from earlier… All your problems in relationships dissolve when you own other people as part of Self. Because it IS you. There are no others. The realization of no others helps you own other people as part of your complete identity. Smoked freebase. During/After the trip… The mind ceasing is not death. Fear is part of what you are. And you must own it. Say a prayer of love with your mind as you inhale the pipe. Contemplate WHAT death is. Death appears to be the dissolution of the mind. And the mind is what the Ego appears to be. What you identify with is the ego-mind. So when the mind dissolves, you think you're dying. But that's just the ego-mind dissolving. Smoke the full intended amount on the first go. That is leaning into the intention. And into the fear. If you're taking 5-MeO-DMT, it appears that the best is to front your desired dose right away. Rather than smoking a little bit, then going for a bigger hit right after. For me just one hit is enough. I'd feel too fried otherwise. Last trip I was fried from taking more than one dose. End of Report. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0005 Date: June 10th 2025 Time: 5:36pm 1 hit. Very manageable Tears roll down my eyes as I enjoy connecting with the Death of my dog. I imagine the connection felt with my mom holding the hand of someone in hospice dying. Holding eye contact. The sadness of the death of someone you love appears to be an anchor while you get eviscerated on 5-MeO-DMT. Focus on the death of someone you know of when you die on a psychedelic yourself. End of Report. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0006 Date: June 11th 2025 Smoked. Good Solid Dose. I see that one must pass the threshold and lose your mind into bliss. My courage and trust in you God will lead me through all fear. I recognized that my trip sitter was not serious as I needed them to be, so he was very distracting. He got cocky with it. I'd rather of had tripped alone. End of Report. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0007 Date: June 12th 2025 Smoked. Easy dose. I need to have a much better dosing method for sure. End of Report. Next time I use 5-MeO-DMT, I want a much more controlled dose and measured dose. I also have thoughts around upping the dose significantly to create a sure-fire breakthrough. I think dosing too low poses its own risk, dosing high enough where your ego gets laser-blasted to smithereens appears to be useful here. Where the psychedelic just throws you off the cliff...

In my experience, an enema is overkill, just take a crap before and you'll be good to go. The fear in your body before taking the dose will likely already expedite that process. Edit: Looking at your other posts, if you are looking for laser consistency, it's not a bad idea to go for an enema, just don't spend over an hour like I did.

Previous Mushroom Trip Report: 4 Mushroom Trips (030,031,032,033) Here is an update post of trip reports. Things that I deem more important will be in bold, or in green. Or have a Star ⭐. >Text with a chevron behind it is to explicitly state that this is post-trip commentary. Otherwise it can be widely assumed it was written during the trip. Table of Contents: Mushroom Trip 030 - Truth Kills What is Not You Mushroom Trip 031 - 5g of Liberty Caps Mushroom Trip 032 - Forgiveness Demands Itself Top 5 Insights Mushroom Trip 033 - Love is the Organizing Principle Top 5 insights Mushroom Trip 030 - Truth Kills What is Not You Date: July 28th 2024 Time: 3:18 PM Dose: 5g of Penis Envy Mushrooms Intentions: What is my life's vision? How will it manifest in Actuality? How will it actually work from my life situation? How can I open my mind to the possibility of a beautiful vision for my life actually manifesting? Open my mind to that reality to really access it. Thoughts and musings: Don't be scared to write things down from other sources if it fits here!! I think about the saying from Wayne Dyer that the path to live out our dreams already exists, we just have to open our minds to it. What is my dream project? I love consciousness work. I want to be writing religiously like a person would be enjoying themselves doodling on a Notepad. How they just can’t stop doodling, I want to be able to just do non-stop writing. Why not write about the stories and lessons I learn from my adventures. I need to identify as a learner. Not as a learnED. I think I just don't understand yet how much I'm leaving on the table. I need to meet some really self-actualized people, period! I noticed I get the yawns on this strain of mushrooms, whereas with wavy caps I don't get yawns at all. This mushroom strain plugs my ears. It's kind of annoying. I really do need to meet great minds. > I really want to meet people that are more advanced minds than me. Truly more conscious, and more aware. More integrated. I need to reach out a lot more even just to reach people that are half a step above. I need to meet more people that are very serious about the path I'm on. The Path of self-actualization. Seeing every fear they have and wanting to conquer it completely and wholly. People that want to wake up. People that want to have a life purpose and achieve it. I've had this story my whole life. I was not even good enough to be a normal guy, I was below that. A normal guy being normally successful? I was BELOW that. I have to own what I know and start writing and when I run out of stuff to write I need to go on more adventures, study more, and meet more people, have more experiences, contemplate more, etc. Lead with love and it comes back. I need to speak out 5 minute stories. Utilize Speaking Academy Storybank I want to write more about what my vision is but I'm on 5 grams now so might as well start brainstorming. I like to believe that my whole family are learners about self-improvement. I'd like to believe that. >But it isn’t true. My father is not that, my sister is not that. My brother is barely that. My mother is like that a lot, but it's not a primary focus in her life like me. At this point in my life, I want to enter training. I want to enter deep training to become valuable. Getting into the state of consciousness of Heaven is a therapy session. What happens in life is adopted into the house. When you clean your house you learn a lot about yourself. >The psychological baggage of your life shows up in your environment. Every single thing in your reality is already written. > Perfectly designed and orchestrated. Truth kills what's not you. I am Truth. Since you cannot die, the only fear you experience is your ego-mind that is trying to preserve some sort of sense of self. The phenomenon of truth is what I physically am. Literally the biggest nightmare that you call your life IS the divine plan. Reality happens, and then the story is layered on top of it. Upgrade the body, the brain, the nervous system, etc. Train my typing. Because I am a writer, I need to train my writing. TRAIN IT! I need to train shorthand, or even stenography! > Train my speaking > Train my body for sleeping properly > Train my mind for deep contemplative, self-reflective, ego dissolving thought. What conversations would you have with people when you're dead in heaven? (hypothetically of course) > Imagine that scenario if this actually was the case where when you died you actually went to a place called heaven with your ego and body intact, and you are walking around in the clouds and shit. And you meet the people in heaven, all the survival competition of life is over (supposedly LOL)... What would you actually say to the people that are causing you grief in your life right now? I need to do affirmations for 90 days that this is heaven. Even just conversations. Every morning and every evening. Fuck, Even an afternoon one. Three times a day. Three minute meditation or prayer. End of Report. Mushroom Trip 031 - 5g of Liberty Caps Date: August 18th 2024 Time: Lemon tekked, unstrained, at 2:11pm Dose & Mushroom Strain: 5g of Liberty Caps (Psilocybe Semilanceata) Intention: How do I create an environment to facilitate positive behaviours? Trip Ruleset: Any decisions you have, wait till you're sober. Thoughts and Musings: I think it's important to note here that I procrastinated by staying up late and sleeping in and stuff like that which is why I'm taking it in the afternoon. I anticipate that there will be different outcomes if I got to bed on time the night before and took the dose at an early time. I don't see others around me turning life into an art form like I want to. I want to live with another person that has this intention of living their life like an art form. I WANT to live with someone that's disciplined. I notice and wonder why am I neurotic? 28 minutes in : Yawning. Visuals of movement in the floor boards. I notice a pattern with individuals using psychedelics as a Hail Mary to get their life together. While this can be useful, learning how to get your life together without the intervention of psychedelics can also be equally as useful. What is going to make me 100% engaged with life? New intention: What does it mean to be honoring my life? Reality is a symphony. This is a very powerful way to look at reality. If supposedly you are going to live infinite lives, and have been doing this already for infinity, then why the fuck are you looking at this life specifically in a negative manner? I now understand people when they say you're either growing or dying. 1 hour 5 minutes: Hitting hard with Visuals. Feeling a hit of intelligence in the background. I’d be interested to see what I've learned about myself if I stop swearing for a solid month. What I would learn about my maturity? I noticed if I am not in an environment that pushes me, I don't become more. This is a very good strain to have me just lie on the bed and really think through my life. God makes you the devil to own that part of God. The Devil is running things smoothly if science runs the show. You can notice when you attend someone’s funeral you can start to imagine just how much impact an individual makes on other people. Lying here on the bed: The life of being a wildland firefighter flew through my eyes. > Holy crap it was so intense. There's a lot to be learned in keeping up appearances Leo I could use a couple real conversations with you. Imagine thinking about your life situation, and then asking yourself: What would x Person want me to know right now? What a powerful question. What does Leo want me to know right now? What does Wayne Dyer want me to know right now? I am noticing how the identity of being a teacher can deceive you. You could stop taking responsibility for growing any more. You can close your mind to the possibility that you are still subject to self-deception. > I entered a state of consciousness where I basically became a thought, or something. What the hell was that state of Consciousness earlier that I was in? When I was lying down I didn't even have a body at all. When I actually patiently go through my notes, I learn a lot. I've been gifted the ability to think. What the fuck am I going to do with that responsibility? This strain was very positive apparently. Powerful in its own unique way. End of Report. Mushroom Trip 032 - Forgiveness Demands Itself Date: Sep 29, 2024 Dose & Strain: 6g Wavy Caps (Psilocybe CYANESCENS) (Lemon Tekked, no straining) As usual, my body has to defecate like crazy out of a stress reaction before I even take the dose. My body knows what’s coming. Intention: Who do I need to become to maximise the abundance in my life? So with this trip I intend to lie down and close my eyes and listen to hemi sync binaural beats and just let my mind go where it needs to go and my intention is as follows: I’ve been studying a good amount of solipsism recently before this trip because I want to understand the truth. I also recognize I will realistically understand consciousness a lot easier with the use of 5-MeO-DMT. Start of Report: What is shame? So this strain completely wipes your memory to the point where an ego dissolution occurs. Focusing becomes incredibly difficult in my experience with the strain. > Not sure if it’s ACTUAL ego dissolution. > My short term memory is FUCKED with this strain. I cannot focus for SHIT! What is the True Nature of Existence? We have to choose to love everything everyday. The power comes from Love. That's where we get our strength. Reality: It's all me. All my objects around me are me. Literally organizing objects in my room is organizing my Self. Literally everything is just a show. I am going to become a Powerhouse of Love. My power is from Love. I need to express that through how I physically appear. It is absolute abundant glory that anything exists at all because it is all ME. Which is simply Divine Truth. That makes so much sense. I need to energize myself with infinite frequency: that's love. Forgiveness is power. If you're looking for power, just look where you need to forgive people. Literally as a project for yourself: Look to forgive people because that is actually what gives you strength in life. > It expands your consciousness as well. There appears to be a correlation between developing your capacity for love and raising your level of consciousness. I forgive you for existing. I have to decide to have a great time today. > So quickly on this trip, I intuited that I needed to switch it up and bring up Leo’s video of forgiveness. I had a really rough state of consciousness on this trip. I was tripping Solo. I also forced myself to breathe slow, lie down, and sing myself a lullaby. “Soft, Slow, Soft, Slow” When thinking about creating value. Think: What kind of value would I have to create for you in your life to give me money for that level of convenience? > I then proceed to have a shit load of word salad sentences just spewing off. > You need to meditate on love. That is where your power is. > I realize that building muscle on my body will influence my consciousness, and actually give me insights, and just “raise my vibration” overall. > Building a beautiful body will raise my vibration a lot. All of these stories of survival are what create you. What story are you telling yourself? I want you to help you understand the story of your survival. Slowly you're going to have to have the strength to learn how to love life. You're going to create all these excuses as to why your life isn't good enough today. But life is so beautiful, you can't even understand how beautiful life is. I'm just so amazed that reality exists. >Reality, you didn’t have to exist for me, but here you are. You are gorgeous. You choose to exist for me today. If you want to get ripped and beautiful it's actually through therapy. That's where the strength comes. You have to forgive yourself. Give yourself the therapy you need. > I notice the process to get your life under control enough to get jacked is therapeutic in itself. Getting your life under control for something is what oftentimes forces you to face the truth. There is so much forgiveness you have to direct towards yourself. God, I am patient for you. > Lots of themes of compassion and being patient with people that did selfish acts towards me. > Lots of themes of battling with self-respect in the workforce of being a firefighter.. Lots of arguments in my mind. > If you owned your life, you would love and respect me as I am. Leo I am finding ways to let you know that I appreciate you. I'm thinking all the time of ways that I can show my appreciation for you. I think about listening to your music playlist endlessly, singing to those songs on a car ride home from a long, fucked up window washing shift. There I was in a Toyota ‘98RAV4 and you’re teaching me to appreciate all of it. You’re teaching me how to learn how to appreciate the story of my life. All the conversations you’ve had with me through your lectures has made my life feel amazing. I’ve worked so many stupid fucking jobs, yet during these jobs, I was always interested in whatever the fuck you had to say. I actively found ways to sneak your insights into my job. That was a form of survival for me. It was a form of coping with jobs that would otherwise dim my consciousness. You are the catalyst for the crazy insights for me to live a beautiful life. I’ll be asking myself why I have this problem in my life, and you’ll come in like “Well reality didn’t have to exist for you today, why are you not appreciating this pain?” Your encouragement to free myself from the suffering (initiated from others) by looking at the truth of what I am not owning about myself. We have to remember like all our problems are just a funny stupid story that we will think about in the years to come. Why not enjoy the story of my life? Especially when it is a stupid story! > It floors me to see so many people having a mind closed towards the idea of learning to appreciate and fall in love with their life. You need to own that you are beautiful today. Not that you appear beautiful, but you are beautiful. Own whatever dumb life story you have, and recognize how that plays a part in how you see yourself. I thought I was a loser for a long time in my life growing up. No one wanted to be my friend. > Dad, where the fuck were you in all of that? Why did you let that happen? > I was reflecting on how many people sacrificed their lives for me to be alive today Why can't my life be at peace? So much of my self-esteem was based on the hope that one day I would grow taller. Rather than finding things about myself to love now. I noticed that writing out emotionally difficult conversations is what makes them possible to communicate, because I will read it directly to them. Some people will give me a lot to think about. Their existence and behaviour alone gives me insights. They’ll never know how many elaborate conversations I’ve had with them in my head. I realized that these conversations and arguments in my mind are born out of an unresolved emotional feeling. Everyone's existence gives me insights. > I need to run through the forgiveness exercise multiple times until forgiveness is complete and whole. All the strength in your life comes from forgiveness. I have this judgemental version of Leo in my mind going: “What’s the problem? You didn’t have to live today! Why aren't you forgiving your problems for this beautiful existence? Life has orchestrated a beautiful show for you out of love and every moment of your life every second is infinite Beauty and love. Yeah, you might need 300 psychedelic trips to understand that Reality is Love. God didn’t have to happen today for you, you know.” If I want to become more intelligent and strong, I need to have the patience to fit meditation into my schedule. > I still don’t understand why sitting down for meditation is important for me here. > I had a lot of thoughts reflecting upon the socially ingrained prejudices against short people. Thinking about my grievances with it. Because I am very short relative to Western standards. You need to learn how to appreciate your life. This is a fundamental decision you have to make. You have to decide that you will bias your orientation towards reality to love life and to appreciate life. What decisions are you making in your life to own me in your consciousness? What parts of me are you disowning? Why did my teacher make the decision to leave me in the office all day, for the entire day? That was a decision for her not to own me. > Why did my father make me feel like a dumb mouse running around that he just couldn’t kill? Why was my father so emotionally absent? Why was he so absent in his parenting? He taught me so little about being a man, having strong self-esteem, etc. Anything important that a father could teach. My father never had the emotional capacity for anything himself. > I wonder if I practiced performing speeches on my mushroom trips to mine for material. Because it appears that I can summon a lot of material for my speeches with the great creativity enhancement from mushrooms. I can make so many novel connections with language. > I realize that my orientation in life towards personal development is born out of a hard-headedness. I really only move forward in my life if I make the decision to do so. It just so happens that I decide to go into self-actualization again and again. Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself: What are you not owning in your life today? Where are you making decisions in your life to not be an amazing person? When are you deciding that you are not beautiful, not strong, not good enough? ⭐ Learning how to own all the problems in your life will teach you how to live a beautiful life. Do you understand? If you want to graduate to the next level of flow and alignment with your life, you need to deal with all the problems that you have at your current level. Part of owning your life is owning that people are going to treat you in selfish ways. I realize the deepest insights of reality come from solipsism. Understanding oneness at deeper levels allows you to forgive others. Forgive the existence of others. Top 5 insights from my trip report GPT Synthesized Love and forgiveness are the primary sources of strength. Personal power increases directly in proportion to the ability to forgive oneself, others, and existence itself. Reality mirrors ownership. Wherever responsibility is avoided, suffering intensifies. Owning one’s life dissolves shame, victimhood, and stagnation. The body and emotions are truth signals. Unprocessed emotions and disrespect register somatically and must be addressed through embodiment, patience, and self-regulation. Self-respect is non-negotiable for safety and leadership. Environments lacking emotional safety degrade communication, trust, and survival. Growth requires deliberate practice and patience. Meditation, forgiveness, training, and repetition gradually rewire consciousness toward abundance and clarity. End of Report. Mushroom Trip 033 - Love is the Organizing Principle Date: November 24th 2024 Context: I have the idea of travelling on my mind, a plane ticket is booked for India. Went for a yoga program. Dose: 5 grams of Golden Teachers ground into a powder, then did lemon tek. It was sitting there for 3 hours. When I consumed it, I didn’t strain it. Time: Taken at 4:06pm Intention: How can I grow the most while traveling? 22 minutes. Experiencing Comeup I need to really remind myself of who I am. What am I imagining? (I can use this intention several times.) I am imagining roadblocks to my focus. When in reality, there is a path. I decided to become a firefighter to escape my depression. Leo’s How to Become Decisive video really helped with that. Peaking at 38 minutes > I’ve been studying a good amount of Leo’s episode of how to not be conned and scammed. . In this trip I got this vibe of becoming conscious of all the devilry happening in the world and the selfishness of survival. My perception of people needs an adjustment towards an orientation of truth. I am noticing that psychedelics bring to the front of mind what the hell is going on in my consciousness. Which is a very useful tool. I am noticing a deep dissatisfaction. This feeling of dissatisfaction comes from a lack of training. I realize more than ever that I really want to train myself to be someone of value. I really crave that deep training. Fuck everything else if you cannot get your training in! Meeting people will help me grow when travelling. > Sadly, I didn’t do nearly enough of this when I was actually travelling. I was too shy. Simply, I need to choose that I am not depressed, that's a choice in the mind. > Reflecting on this, I think being depressed had a combination of not being aligned with a life of abundance and also a lack of overall brain regulation. Key insight for myself: Energy is kept in the voice. There's energy carried in the voice, in this soup of consciousness. If I want to exchange energy it's through my voice. That is how I grow. When I talk to people about my problems, then I think more about solving them. I've noticed that. Because we are a social species, speaking to others serves as a great mirror. I've noticed a self-deception as a teacher: I will tell others what to do when I haven’t even done it myself, and then not take responsibility for that part. There are times I’ve noticed that I will not have owned the truth of today and what’s on my mind. Choosing to not own the truth is a self-deception mechanism. God will tell me through energy first. God will keep me safe with energy first. If something bad happens I need to own that, otherwise it will grow. And more things will break in life I’m very conscious of just how much your interpretation of reality matters. You can decide what is going on right now through the bias of your interpretation, and that will be REAL for you. I’ve noticed just how other people are not very conscious of this feature of reality, and then they suffer by creating disempowering perceptions of reality. This is part of your participation in the creation of Reality. Do you realize that you can decide what is going on in each moment? I’m noticing behaviours of degeneracy get further and closer relative to my relationship to truth. When I exhibit more degenerate thoughts, feelings and behaviours, it is when I’m not owning something. So much to think about in terms is Bias. Imagine an idea so beautiful it gives birth to itself. When my life is not going well, there's something in my consciousness that I'm not owning in that direct moment. Where in your life are you saying “No” to self-reflection? Where are you reluctant to admit where you are wrong? Notice when you offload energy to other people. This can be a form of you not taking responsibility for your emotions. An unwanted energy won't leave you until you learn something and integrate from it. Energy won't leave you until you’ve learned something and make behaviour changes to show that learning has happened. Like why didn't I have a conversation with (that guy)? Love will give you the insights you need to know. Love of life is what makes your life better. If you want to improve your life, focus on loving what you are not loving right now. Look for areas of fear. Look for Truths that you fear. Look for self reflection that you are afraid of. With this attitude of approaching fear and truth with an attitude of love, everything in yourself and your environment will grow in accordance with the love that you create. That’s how you live a good life. It starts with you. Living a life of love is the center of a beautiful life. That’s what makes life difficult, you have to choose to love all of it. You have to remind yourself to choose to love. >I want to study and integrate this lecture here: How to Fall in Love with Life If there is any upset with you in your life, ask yourself, how can love apply here? What am I not loving here? > Getting closer to Truth, ( like with removing your ideologies and false systems of sensemaking) will get you closer to Love. > When you love sufficiently, you no longer have a self, and you no longer need anything, and the moment is revealed to be perfect. Absolute Perfection. If there's something wrong in life, learn to love it. That will fix all your mistakes and let the healing energy of Love flow through you. What if I assumed that my body was intelligent rather than dumb? I noticed I almost have a goal to be a cool guy in Leo’s mind out of recognition in committing to his work. I notice I use the idea of Leo’s character as a figure of judgement, and I hold this judgement as a high importance in my mind. I’m not yet fully conscious how this is just my mind offloading that judgement on myself through the character of Leo. When you choose to make fun of someone when you're not owning something. The intelligence of consciousness is astounding. I can almost see the state of consciousness someone is in. It’s like I can pick up their energy through the air. I can notice self-deception in people. You lean into the relationship with God to figure out why you exist, and you learn to love God, and what he has created for you as an infinite selfless being. God is literally infinitely selfless SO you can exist right now. Like he gave himself for you. SO you can think thoughts. Like this whole situation in reality that you've imagined yourself in, God has given it to you out of love for you as your best friend. Reality will keep on mirroring more of what you already are, because there is only SELF, and SELF is the only thing that exists. The Devil comes to you when you're not ready to own life. If I am not safe, God will tell me directly with energy. As soon as you walk in a room you get Direct Energy Right away. Your body actually has direct access. > Your Relationship with God Determines your life. Reality is a Mirror All is self Voice is energy Reality is love, be a powerhouse of love and your life will start to reflect love. Focus on what is energetically correct. ChatGPT Summarizing the Original Whole Report in 5 insights: Love is the organizing principle. Wherever love is withheld, life fragments. Where love is consciously chosen, safety, clarity, and vitality return. The body is the primary truth detector. Ignoring somatic signals creates danger and self-deception. Listening restores alignment and protection. Self-deception persists until owned. Unintegrated truth stores itself as emotional, behavioral, and physical disturbance until consciously faced. Identity growth requires beginnerhood. Accepting rank one, vulnerability, and not knowing is the gateway to genuine learning and resilience. Reality mirrors inner state. What is feared repeats. What is loved integrates. Meaning is determined moment-to-moment by embodied awareness. End of Report.

There's an argument to be made on the safe use of psychedelics for therapy, and that helping people a lot, regardless of age. (Lets say ages 18-30) But I understand that most of the population is simply too immature to have a serious attitude towards respecting the tool of psychedelics. Just look at the poor attitude the majority of people have already towards alcohol, with the lack of education around psychedelics, why would they treat psychedelics any different? And in relation to Leo's post, you have to admit to yourself that you don't know what is best for you, and what's worse is that only you can decide that, because ultimately you have the authority. And yet, you have to live with the consequences of your decisions. Otherwise you are simply taking what Leo says on blind belief and just conforming to what he says. Which is so so so easy to do.

I'll be sure to create a song for this using the data from my notes on the Epistemic Responsibility lesson.

I spent the last 6 hours studying this and making a neat and clean PDF consolidating all of the insights. Expect that in a future post. https://www.actualized.org/insights/a-deep-explanation-of-how-women-mate

(chatGPT assisted) Metaphilomonosis (meh-tuh-FEE-loh-MON-oh-sis) Metanoia + Philosophia + Eudaimonia + Gnosis A synthesized state and process in which truth is directly realized, deeply loved, and continuously integrated, producing an ongoing reorientation of one’s life and an upward movement toward flourishing. Concise definition: MetaPhiloMonNosis is the ongoing process of directly realizing truth, being transformed by it, and developing a deepening love for it, such that each realization reorients one’s life direction and generates a growing desire to know truth more, leading to progressive flourishing through alignment. Essential formulation: An epiphanic gnosis that gives rise to philosophia. Additional definitions: A felt gravitational pull toward truth, where each realization increases both the attraction to and the depth of one’s relationship with truth. MetaPhiloMonosis names a condition in which truth is no longer neutral or optional. It becomes attractive, organizing, and directional. Each glimpse of truth strengthens its pull, drawing perception, identity, and action further into alignment. Expanded sense: MetaPhiloMonNosis describes a self-amplifying cycle: a truth is directly realized → it transforms perception → it creates love for truth → that love drives further seeking → deeper truths are realized → life continues to reorient and deepen. Example usage: “What began as a single realization evolved into MetaPhiloMonNosis, where each insight intensified his desire for truth.” “He wasn’t just learning, he was in MetaPhiloMonNosis, an unfolding cycle of realization, devotion, and reorientation.”

Getting some gears turning... Chat GPT prompt: I want to make up a word that means the connection towards truth deepening and the appreciation for truth deepening as you realize the power of it in transforming your life. Output: You are describing something precise: not just truth, but a relationship to truth that intensifies as it proves itself through lived transformation. That has two components: 1. movement toward truth 2. growing reverence as its impact becomes undeniable Here are some coined options, each tuned slightly differently: 1. Veritascence (veh-RIH-tuh-sense) From veritas (truth) + -escence (becoming, emerging) → the ongoing process of becoming aligned with truth, accompanied by a deepening sensitivity to it 2. Aletheion (ah-luh-THEE-on) From Aletheia (unconcealment) → a state of being drawn toward truth as it reveals itself, with increasing awe and recognition 3. Verivorance (VEH-rih-vor-ance) From veri- (truth) + -vorare (to devour) → the hunger for truth that grows stronger the more one experiences its transformative effects 4. Lucentiaxis (loo-SEN-tee-ak-sis) From lucent (light) + axis (center, alignment) → the inner reorientation around truth as a guiding axis, with growing appreciation for its clarity 5. Satyagraze (SAHT-yah-graze) Inspired by Satyagraha + “grazing” (continual feeding) → a continuous feeding on truth where each encounter strengthens commitment and appreciation 6. Veritasurge (veh-RIH-tuh-surge) → the accelerating pull toward truth as its power becomes personally undeniable 7. Aletheophilia (ah-luh-THEE-oh-FIL-ee-uh) → a love of truth that deepens through direct experience of its transformative force --- If the emphasis is process, Veritascence fits cleanly. If the emphasis is devotion, Aletheophilia is sharper. If the emphasis is intensity and pull, Veritasurge or Verivorance carry more force. A clean, highly usable option would be: Veritascence “the progressive deepening of alignment with truth, accompanied by an expanding appreciation of its transformative power” --- Existential Vocabulary Word Aletheia Definitions: (Greek philosophy) unconcealedness, the state of truth being revealed (Heideggerian usage) truth as disclosure rather than correctness (Generalized) the experience of reality emerging from hiddenness Synonyms: revelation, disclosure, unveiling, truth Antonyms: concealment, illusion, distortion, ignorance Examples: “His insight felt less like learning and more like aletheia unfolding.” “Aletheia is not something you grasp, but something that reveals itself.” Etymology: From Greek a- (not) + lēthē (forgetfulness, concealment) → “that which is not hidden”

You're going to love this: The Iranian Spider-tailed Horned Viper

Hi, can you repost the guide? I'm getting 404s. @SuperLuigi

https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-515 Leo being able to understand someone's mind at this level is one of the most amazing things I am interested in learning for myself.

Okay so I have an update on this. I've got an insight around how Kriya practice is useful. Strong Kriya Practice = Rewired nervous system = Calm / Processed Emotions = Presence = Insight = The foundation for Proper Sensemaking = No Fear = Intelligence I realize how much we deceive ourselves with overwhelm, bias, survival. If you cannot calm down your emotional system, you are fucked fucked when it comes to sensemaking. For me, most problems in my survival challenges stem from fear. Also, If you don't have proper sense-making, you are screwed in all endeavors. If you cannot access the truth, you are destined for deep corruption of your entire system. The worst part is, you won't even be able to understand how you're corrupted because you are lost in a labyrinth of a maze that your mind has made for yourself.

Does this mean that people will be able to build their ai's much easier to use AI to fuel their devilry?

Earplugs, I wear them around my neck and under my shirt 24/7.and whip them out if I want to focus, tune out the world, relax, or nap. Pair it with Shokz bone conduction headphones, and it's a deadly combo. I now use the Opencomm2 With the microphone attachment on it, as audio quality has been very important to me as I make a lot of calls. I can whisper and this headset will pick it up. It also picks up just my voice in a loud environment like a busy highway. A 15,000mAh portable battery, so my phone and tablet can last forever. A phone tether that I can wear around my wrist for increased dexterity and also makes me drop my phone less when I'm using it on the go, I tend to be clumsy with my phone. Plus it can clip onto your pants for extra security. Gives peace of mind. A side bag for men that allows me to carry a book, my battery, winter gloves, and a balaclava. It is incredible how much body heat can be preserved with one balaclava. A stopwatch to track the amount of time I read. A second phone with no SIM card. A Samsung A9 tablet with a hardy case with a carry strap. A Bluetooth keyboard: switches between my phone and my tablet seamlessly. I can run my client sessions with only my phone. Basically using my phone as a computer. A white belt to signify my reading progress. Imagine the BJJ system, but the belts and the stripes measure the hours of reading progress, and you basically got the system/progress bar I've created for myself with my reading and learning goals. I'm getting my yellow belt soon! 💛

Spiderman is my favorite superhero, so I'll enjoy this one probably. But the best Spiderman films were with Tobey Maguire imo

Paintdotnet has been my go-to for all the image edits I do. OBS Bulkrenameutility Davinchi Resolve

https://tvcharts.co/show/the-simpsons-1989-tt0096697 I assumed such

Black Mirror. That show is literally just imagining hell. Robot chicken. 1000 ways to die. All saw movies. + Most Horror movies in general. They'll imprint my consciousness for months. Charlie Brown. Rugrats. Simpsons. Any show or movie where the art has been corrupted