Ninja_pig

You are probably smart to not have conversations with people who don't want to have them. I would say this is not an issue with confidence. If you are looking for some verification of your beliefs, try talking about them on this forum. I'm sure there are many people who would be willing to give their perspective on some of your ideas.

Hello all, this is serving as a sequel to my previous post. As a refresher, I took 6g of mushrooms, had an awakening experience, and found the whole thing very depressing. I was pretty sure I was crazy. After a few weeks however I have come to realize some more positive aspects of the trip. First, with time I have become more comfortable with my insights. I have heard that many people "forget" the insights after an awakening experience, but this has not been the case for me. Maybe since I didn't have such a fun time initially it has been easier for me to focus on the truth rather than the feeling of awakening. Who knows? (Actually I'm sure a lot of you know, please tell me what you think I would love to hear it). Second, I finally think I have some idea of what it means to raise my consciousness. I think this because, while thinking about life out loud to some friends who would listen, I found myself saying the following phrases: "Humanity can be thought of a single organism that exists across time and space. Specifically it is a self perpetuating, organized, intelligent mass of information that exists in the gene pool and manifests itself as individual human beings." "When we structure our government and think about new economic policies, we need to take in all of reality into account. Any utopian thinker is ignoring some part of reality. The goal is to come up with a system that 1. Works 2. Plans for all the different types of people as much as possible 3. leads to at least a somewhat enjoyable existence for most people. We have problems like poverty/homelessness/inequality because we are not admitting to ourselves that not everyone is the same and we are not taking reality into account" "Actually, we can think of all of life on earth, the entire ecosystem, as a single organism. This is because it's all interdependent, and even though on a small scale organisms will compete with and kill other organisms, the ultimate outcome is that life prevails and continually adapts to the environment." I should make clear that I independently came to these conclusions by merely contemplating what I saw in my environment and studying different societies outside of my own. After saying these things, I was vaguely reminded of spiral dynamics stage Yellow and Turquoise. I looked up some information and I was blown away as it seemed like someone had directly quoted me and written it under the Yellow and Turquoise categories. It was only then that I was really able to accept the spiral dynamics model, and I understood the actual benefit of spirituality. Before, I almost perfectly fit into stage orange, and later stage green categories while not really being able to understand the later stages and thinking that they were merely different, less good ways of thinking than the one I was at then. Now though, I have seen the world in a whole new way that only really made sense after I didn't focus on myself so much and saw the world for what it really was. If I had to put it into words, raising my consciousness was kind of like turning up the field of view slider in a video game. It allowed me to see the utterly incomprehensible, ruthlessly pragmatic, hopelessly complex process of life happening around me for what it was. All of this happened after my big trip, and I don't know if it's something to do with awakening or if it's the mushrooms that have given me the the ability to think this way, but I somehow feel like the awakening and higher-order thinking are connected because both involve admitting truth to yourself and appreciating the whole world, not just one part of it. Right now I am a university student studying Physics and Mathematics. My dream as of late has been to become a physicist just in case I can be one of those few throughout history that is actually worth their skin and comes up with something really valuable rather than just turning the proverbial crank of the scientific method, doing the same thing over and over and pretending like it is going to result in something new. This still seems like the best option to me, but I have also become very interested in sociology, economics, and politics because of my newfound perspective on the world. I am an intellectual at heart, I love playing with ideas. The trouble is I'm a mediocre student at a mediocre university right now so IDK if I will be able to make a career out of it, but I'm going to give it my best shot until the day I can say I have succeeded or completely failed. In the case of failure, I will simply be an armature intellectual! Thank you for reading. I'm excited to hear any thoughts!

When I had my awakening experience, my conclusion as to what I should do with it was to "make it a good dream". This replaces the old overarching goal of "make my life good". Both of these overarching goals pretty much lead to the same life decisions. What actually changes how we behave as a species is our level of consciousness, or in other words our position on the spiral dynamics spiral. I think something you have to understand is that all the economic and government policies are there for a reason for the most part and we have to think of the whole picture. I think people think that if everyone were to realize infinite love then our society would instantly change into the equivalent of a utopia, but that of course is not going to happen. To be honest it would probably do good for the world if everyone took a healthy dose of some psychedelic compound in a good setting, but either way the world will evolve slowly over time. That is how it has always worked.

I took 6g of mushrooms. I found out that I imagined the entire universe and then I imagined that I was a random guy in that universe. There are no other conscious beings in the entire universe. I didn't tell this to my friends because because I would basically be telling them they are not real. Mushrooms were fun for me until I took such a big dose. Now it's not fun. People said awakening would be a euphoric experience but it was the opposite for me. I found out that I'm completely alone and will always be alone. The dream will continue dreaming forever and always and there is no stopping it. I considered killing myself but I realized that would probably just end this dream and start a new one (I think). What is right here is all there is, all there ever was, and all there ever can be. A perpetual moment that is reality. I'm asking the dream to help me come to terms with the dream. Don't you guys who have awakened feel alone? Isn't it depressing that reality is a never ending process of duality and I'm completely alone? I'm literally talking to myself right now but how the hell do I come to terms with this and accept this? The dream helped the dream realize what it is before, can it offer more assistance to itself now? Please someone help me.

What even is this forum lmao

This is my personal opinion. I would say that your psyche needs purpose as much as your body needs exercise: Sure you can technically do without it, but you are going to start running into problems. You could maybe even be happy with out a purpose! but you're not really going to feel totally healthy. A purpose is pretty much what our brains are designed to work with, similar to how our bodies are designed to work around exercise in order to stay healthy. You can be as enlightened as you like, you can recognize that any purpose is totally illusory in a metaphysical sense. You're still going to feel empty and stupid, mentally out of shape shall we say, if you don't have a purpose.

the happy ending

I know from experience that this whole "game" thing has a way of making people quite depressed and feel unworthy. In reality a man's ability to get girls does not define his happiness or his worth as a human being, nor does a difficulty with attracting girls necessarily have to lead to cynicism as Leo would have you believe. If you want a way out of the negative thought patterns and self loathing that game can sometimes cause, watch this video: It is an extremely insightful and objective look at the red pill and black pill worldviews and shows them for what they truly are. This is a very important video for (especially young) guys everywhere.

This is the best response so far. I think you're right. I mean I intuitively know that there are some (okay many) things I don't understand about spirituality. The longer I think about being completely alone the more okay I am with it, and the less I feel like I am a person in the conventional sense. I think that @Sincerity explained it well in another post. "Suicide is the only way to fully awaken, but god instilled me with fear (out of love) so that I don't do that" (not the exact quote btw). Anyway I'm glad there is someone here who both validates my negative experience and gives me the real way out.

See I thought that I had already done that to a pretty large extent. I spent the better part of 2 years getting though all of my abandonment issues and it really felt like I truly overcame them. Everyone is saying I must be the problem if I didn't like my trip. Maybe it's simply just heavy stuff? Maybe it's merely something that is very shocking to anyone who discovers it even if they are some kind of "fully integrated" person?

If I acquired the idea of solipsism from Leo or this forum, wouldn't that mean that I would have also acquired the ubiquitous claim that awakening is pleasant? Also, I don't think it takes a spiritual experience to recognize the logic to solipsism. Is it not an assumption that other people are conscious? After all, there is no real way to prove it. I've heard from others that every trip is different on mushrooms. You ever hear "there is only one thing going on, and you're it"? That is pretty much the entire claim of nonduality, and that claim pretty strongly implies solipsism.

Thanks so much for this. I will be using this.

I should clarify that this is the first time in my life I have had suicidal thoughts of any kind. I did have a sitter for this trip but because I stayed silent during most of the thing he wasn't able to help very much. I'm probably not going to touch psychedelics again for a while, maybe not ever again. We will see.

I'm studying physics and applied mathematics at university right now and I just want to say if you want to "master" these subjects you will have to practice for 20+ years so don't make that your goal. Instead, I would focus on simply hammering down your algebra skills, stuff you learn in high school, and then deciding what you want to do. I personally think that Kahn Academy and Organic Chemistry Tutor on YouTube are great resources. Don't just "start learning math" tho, make sure you have an endpoint in mind or a goal. I might recommend trying to get a 25 or above on the math ACT test and you will be at pretty good level and pretty solid in your basic math skills. From what it sounds like to me you want a flexible high income career path and you don't really care what it is just that it has those two qualities. For that I would recommend software engineering. The best way to peruse this is by going to college and getting a computer science degree. If you do this, just get good enough at math to get into a university and then they will take care of you as far as math skills go. First have a goal, and then learn what you need to in order to achieve that goal. Unless you love learning math for the hell of it, don't focus on the abstract goal of "mastering math and science".

That's what a dream character pretending to be an "other" consciousness would say haha. this is why I don't tell my friends and family about this... Of course, if I saw someone else write my post I would say "That's what a dream character pretending to have woken up would say". This is why I'm asking for help. What kind of inner work are we talking about here? How do I appreciate the beauty of it? You got me on this Truth™ with a capital 'T' hype train Leo, and I was not prepared for it. Is my insight even correct? because if it is not then I am definitely 100% crazy.

Leo gives some pretty good advice here. Be careful not to go looking for people who tell you that it's okay to give up on your dreams. There are many great online resources to get better with math skills. Kahn academy has a free high quality training course for the SAT. https://www.khanacademy.org/sat/ As a math person I personally think that math is like playing an instrument - practicing consistently is the only way to improve. Don't be discouraged if it is super boring and difficult at first because, like an instrument, you magically get better eventually by simply trying consistently. Practice math test questions for an hour a day for a month and if you don't notice any improvement then I hereby give you permission to give up on getting into college. "Failure is basically irrelevant unless it is catastrophic." -Elon Musk "What if" -David Goggins

How in the world is physics non-math?

I used to be a person who was drawn to debate and loved arguing. You probably are actually open minded and willing to adjust your beliefs when presented with new facts or a new perspective, but I would guess that you make the mistake of verbally challenging others who have differing opinions. You do this because you want to be skeptical and careful, but other people will misinterpret this as defensiveness. Most people are not as interested in debate as you are, especially for the purpose of updating or verifying old beliefs, which is why they don't understand. My solution was to listen at least twice as much as I speak. Usually I don't really voice my own opinions at all. I merely ask questions, and if I really wish to argue with someone I do it by asking questions that provoke the other person into considering viewpoints they may not have before. Basically just don't argue, that's my advice. Listen to other's viewpoints and evaluate their validity only to yourself. This approach can counter-intuitively make you wiser, more considerate and more thoughtful than a healthy debate can.

All you know of reality is your thoughts and experiences. It is an assumption that there is an objective reality beyond those experiences. Materialists mistake the self-consistency of reality as proof that it must be material. To illustrate the point, think about when you are dreaming. Let's say in this dream you 100% believe that it is not a dream and then you find a set of mathematical laws that describe the things you see in the dream. Does this mean that this dream is now "material"? No. It just means it's an especially vivid dream :).

A trip won't increase your IQ (which by the way is a very real and useful concept; don't listen to Leo), but it will give you a whole new perspective on life and probably permanently change you for the better. One thing I vividly remember about my last trip was placing the value of mushrooms above that of pretty much any other substance on earth. It makes you insanely creative, overclocks your brain and lets you use 100% of it. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/media/releases/single_dose_of_hallucinogen_may_create_lasting_personality_change

I let my curiosity get the best of me. This forum is just so interesting!!! Scrolling is not what I should be doing, so I guess it's mindless??

This may be a super dry take at this point, but CBT is basically exactly designed for someone in your position.

I just watched a video about this: According to Peterson (2016), conscientiousness is correlated with a high sensitivity to guilt. When a disciplined person does something they know they should not be doing, the experience more guilt than a normal person. This causes them to pursue things that will avoid the feeling of guilt. So disciplined people feel guilt less often but more intensely. If you want to be a more disciplined person, you can do so by basically acting like a disciplined person would. So this would be things like: keeping your living space clean and neat, showing up to things on time, doing certain activities at regular intervals, making and following a schedule. It has actually been shown that your conscientiousness can be increased involuntarily if you are forced to do some kind of task at regular intervals for an extended period of time. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-new-home/201902/three-potential-ways-become-more-conscientious

From what Leo says, I think gaining his level of understanding of reality has more to do with questioning and dismantling things you already "know" about reality. To do this you have to have high levels of focus and awareness and I don't really know how closely those correlate with intelligence. From what I understand, when you have a mystical experience, you don't just "get" it, you "see" it. Mystical experiences are often described as being what you get when you go beyond your mind. Enlightenment in particular is often described as the simplest thing you can possibly realize. Fred Davis, one of my favorite spiritual teachers says that intelligence is actually the main thing that allows people to keep themselves from seeing the truth because it allows them to make more elaborate lies. My most recent insight from my last mushrooms trip is that humans in general are insanely intelligent, and most of us are walking around with more intelligence than we know what to do with. So yeah don't let the fact that you are not a genius dissuade you from perusing spiritual work.