Vrubel

I solo day game relatively regular in two Dutch cities, mostly following the same (usually crowded) route. During a session, I walk the same route several times and regularly stand still and observe, and occasionally run up to a girl. My biggest anxiety is to be recognized by someone I know or be known as "that guy". On some occasions, I stumbled into old schoolmates and colleagues. Even one time I came across the same old schoolmate two days in a row in different cities. I don't want them to know that I day game. I have no problem sharing that I do day-game with people that I am comfortable with: my brother, sister, parents (that one was kinda awkward though) and of course my pick-up mates know. But I just don't want to be known as "that guy" by the "community" so to speak. I know deep down nobody gives a f*ck about me but still this is my biggest anxiety. Am I just being a pussy or is there some healthy caution within this anxiety?

Everybody thanks for the advice, very helpful! @aurum But how do I overtake girls and position myself right in front of her? Won't I miss a lot of girls that way? Obviously, I prefer the lazy approach when the girl is just standing/waiting but then I will miss out on most hot girls. Some of my most successful approaches were run-ups. (With run-ups I mean jogging pace, they are usually short in distance). It's of course an ego thing. I just don't want that reputation. I am not a total beginner anymore, in the past, I had some very cringy approaches. These are much rarer now. Now 90% of my approaches are socially calibrated. I can tell that by the way, I brighten up the girl's day.

Day game in winter presents challenges with it that the summertime doesn't have. Let's start with the obvious: it's colder and darker which makes it a little less enjoyable. Days are shorter so you have less time opportunity. (Only malls and train stations are sufficiently lit). Further: girls but also guys are not as sexy and have lower sex drives. Which makes embodying intent harder. The overall mood is non-social and cold. Also, the risk of getting sick is high (I have problems with a constantly running nose in winter.) These are not excuses I still manage to do approaches but they are just lower in volume and perhaps with less energy. Any advise?

In a political context, Russia is often not considered Europe. Because people associate Europe with liberal democracies and Russia is often opposed/contrasted to them. Even Russians say for example: "look what Europe is doing" or "Europeans get us wrong" etc. Of course by Europe, they mainly mean the powers and liberal democracies of western Europe. Also, historically Russia always tried to catch up to "Europe" in its development. Russia's progress was stunned by the bad fortune of being under Mongol occupation, which was a profound Asian tribal steppe influence that western Europe never experienced.

For almost a year I have had stomach/intestinal pains and a generally sensitive stomach which before I never had. I did all the tests at the hospital, including SIBO but nothing was found. I've noticed that my stomach pains are often accompanied by grumpiness, stress, and just a shitty mood. I used to think that these mood problems are caused by my physical pains and that I just need to focus on eating the right food. But I could not logically deduct which foods caused the problems. Sometimes I ate one thing and feel shitty but then I eat the exact same thing end feel absolutely fine. But then I noticed a link between "successes and failures" in my personal life with the amount of pain I had. Whenever things are going good in my personal life I am also feeling good without big stomach issues but whenever I get "setbacks" my stomach pains return. I consider myself mentally relatively strong so the setbacks that I have in my personal life wouldn't bother me so much normally but the stomach pain that comes with it adds another layer on top. Are there people here that have experienced these kinds of issues?

This! My normal coping mechanisms don't hold up anymore. I definitely know the source and what I should 'let go'. Very interesting. I checked out your website and youtube channel, very interesting stuff. I must say I was a bit surprised to find out you're a man, haha, I always pick up very feminine energy from your responses (caring, loving, soft and slightly vague). (; This! This! This!

@Thought Art The fear of being socially ostracized is very common and even universal. It's our primate programming. Though you must see that it's highly irrational and out of touch with 21st-century life. We envolved living in small herds and tribes but now live in cities with endless people and complex social structures that are generally forgiving and not giving a shit about you. For example, approaching a girl in cavemen times could have gotten you killed, ostracized, or result in you being perceived in a damning way. Now that possibility is pretty much non-existent though the fear programming is still there. Your fear of being canceled and having your career destroyed is even more irrational. F*ck those people that want you to fall in line with their worldview. Whether it's politically correct snot, pressures to repress your sexuality, some crusade of contempt or ideology. Be you. Learn to respect your own worldview and values. Stand up for what you believe in, be edgy, be polarizing. Express your self with honesty and fully within your integrity. That's not opposed to being open and introspective but is a prerequisite for personal development. Society is hell but you are a man, you carve your own path trough life, fearlessly, authentically and independently. You lead the way! Men take risks, men fight wars, men get injured and men die. That's what a man does. If you get cancelled for stating something you believe in, so let it be. you're a man.

@Thought Art Dude... That's not a healthy attitude for living life. Nobody owes you love nor do you want to be (overly)dependent on others for love. First and foremost love needs to come from you, build love for yourself and for your life (I recommend spiritual practice/psychedelics and discovering some passions). Women are not some vindictive fragile feathers, they will not destroy your life because you touched them in an uncalibrated "autistic" way. Just don't grab them by the pussy(;

Sounds more like an "autistic male" action rather than a malicious assault. Maybe he was a big-shot senator that normally gets all the girls so he doesn't register properly when girls are not into him. Like good-looking rich and famous people that end up raping. But again the guy apologized and backed down after the kiss and after the clear protest of the women. The situation is of course highly unfortunate and uncomfortable but is it really that traumatic for the women? (genuinely asking)

After a lot of trial and error including a day-game bootcamp, I found THE method (for myself) that pretty much guarantees getting strong numbers (that lead to dates) from girls that are very hot. So this is what I do: I approach a girl that I am genuinely attracted to, stand right in front or half in front of her (keeping enough distance so not to spook her is crucial). I state my intent: "I saw you over there and you looked very cute" (The more personalized and unique the statement the better and if you express your intent with strong body energy or a look in your eye then you are very f*cking solid). And here is my secret: Silence! I swear to god it's just magic. If the girl is not your type, has a boyfriend or is just being friendly you will feel this very clearly! the silence will feel awkward and keeping pressure is pretty much impossible, you'll probably just have a friendly interaction. Now if she is single and somewhat your type, oh man! you can stand there and just be silent. Maybe at the beginning of your silence say something like "sorry, I am not good at these things" which will charm the girl and buy you understanding which you can use to prolong your silence. Just stare into her eyes, and move your lips subtly as if you are thinking of something to say but you can't come up with anything (this is most likely what you authentically will be doing, just think of things but do not say them). This builds a lot of tension, you don't have to constantly be looking into her eyes, your presence and silence are enough for pressure building, your only "job" is to relax into the pressure, be okay with it, it's fun! It's almost like a comical challenge: see how long you can be silent in front of a hot girl. Of course what will happen is that she eventually will release the pressure by asking you questions and being genuinely intrigued by you. You basically just fanned the fire of attraction with your silence. Sometimes especially if she is in a hurry she will be the one asking my number and making sure she typed it in correctly. Also sometimes you can break the pressure yourself by saying something unexpected. For example, she says she studies economics and then you drop silent. For her, it will seem like you are struggling to find the right words to charm her (though you are very calm and centered) but after a while of silence and you really feel you can't keep it up anymore, you can say in a very disinterested and dismissive tone "Okey." This will make her laugh from her stomach. Of course, everything I state here requires authenticity, being totally cool with standing in front of a hot girl, being silent and just relaxing. This is also a way for me to do day game with a lot of integrity and "dignity" because very fast you'll figure out whether she is a match or not. If not I just let her go or have a short friendly conversation. It basically eliminates scenarios where I feel needy or persist through on a disinterested girl. The frame is: I am grounded and just feeling up if you're a match and if not, I will not bother asking for your number.

Yes, this technique is not for beginners because it requires staying perfectly calm under pressure, basic confidence, masculinity, and even the feminine component is very important here. In my experience is this technique the opposite of creepy because it does away with all the try-hard, pushy and gamy. It's a non-technique really. As an intermediate, you should learn not to close when the vibe is off. Choose integrity over closing. Ultimately day game needs to be a smooth part of your life, something that builds character rather than makes you question your sanity and integrity. As it did with me in the past. I started with day-gaming spring this year, It was psychologically a very hard process for me but that's what personal growth entails. I used to get a date once every two months with 6s (day gaming on the weekends) and those dates I would f*ck up with neediness or rookie blunders. The last two months I had 5 dates (including insta-dates) + more planned with girls that are 7s 8s and 9s. Having said that I still have bad days where I get rejection after rejection. Also, I am still learning and struggling with the other parts of the courting process. But I can definitely envision that relatively soon I'll be having a hot and intelligent girlfriend

Of course, sometimes she needs to be comforted with for example "I know this is unusual" maybe a little question here and there, you still need to be socially calibrated. But the bottom line is: silence is your best friend! You really need to intuit for how long you can keep silences and sometimes you can feel it's not possible to stay silent for very long but the girl is still into you. But if I drop a silence and it feels awkward or "not right" I authentically lose interest in the girl because she is not impressed by my presence and the vibe just isn't there. If I persevere I will step slightly out of my integrity, then I might get a number but it will most likely be a weak one. The silences are meant to fan up attraction but they also build rapport because you give the girl room to bask in your (relaxed) energy. After the silence(s), the vibe is excellent and you can have a normal conversation. In the past, I would get a lot of numbers pretty easily but almost all were very weak ones so I readapted my strategy. I now have a strategy where I get fewer numbers but the numbers I get are as solid as they come. I came to the conclusion that "vibing" is the ultimate factor for solid numbers. I will definitely go along with this strategy but again authenticity is a huge part of this, so I don't think it does work for everybody the same.

@bejapuskas @Fleetinglife When I read your replies instead of openness I feel a wall of contempt and outrage even though the core of your message is one of compassion and understanding. Dividing the world between victims and oppressors closes you off to the complexity and the larger picture of history. If your purpose is to fight for social justice I think it’s a very noble cause though I do think you would benefit from a less judgmental view on history. What I value the most in history is the beauty of it, history speaks to me and plays in my head. I care more for the beauty than obsessing over historical "facts" altho those also have their importance, but history really becomes fascinating when the line between history, imagination and myth blurs, as it so often does. I am involved in a project that makes interactive infographics about history for children. The main goal of the project is to get children intrigued and fascinated by history. We also cover topics like explorers and conquerors. Even though they are controversial in today's environment we made the decision not to unload this heavy bag onto the children. Children will not be intrigued into learning history if I, for example, would come with an agenda implying that historical figures are evil and that America or any other state is evil, at their age, this would be plain disappointing and have the opposite effect of intrigue. In a sense, I have a child-like passion for history and I want to transmit that. Beauty, Idealization and seeing the virtues are a big part of this. Later when they grow up they can learn more in-depth about the cruelty and injustices in history. When I was a little kid, I had a very good and wise teacher. I asked him once in history class: what happened to Indonesia (our former colony) after ww2. He said: "We felt so happy to be free so we granted them the same freedom ". Of course, later I learned that Holland fought a very bloody war after ww2 in an attempt to subjugate Indonesia. But his answer was absolutely brilliant because A: it implied that my country is good and B: it implied that Indonesia's independence is also good. He of course knew the truth very well yet he did not want to diminish my childly passion for history and my country, which was perfectly healthy and innocent. Somewhere along the line, my passion for history diminished but after doing spiritual practices and a lot of psychedelics I learned to be more authentic and I rediscovered many of the passions I had in childhood. I learned that I was never meant to "outgrow" them. I can't help but feel that stage-green ideology and society suppresses these passions within children and adults like it did with me. If you deep down don't think that Napoleon or Alexander the Great are kinda badass, you're suppressing your inner child and inner passions. Especially as a boy or man, you have an inner warrior, conquerer and Emporer inside of you, let him out!

I took this girl home on our second date. She was super into me, we intimately danced, made out and basically, all the touch barriers were breached. Throughout our date I felt very grounded, masculine and secure. We didn't have sex because of responsibilities she had the next morning and she needed to take the last train, so basically because of logistics (we only spent a little over a half-hour at my place). I could tell she was having a good time and would have had easily slept over if it wasn't for these logistics. If I was more of a pick-up pro I would have definitely slept with her but I made the judgment that day to let her go, out of respect, non-neediness, and a sureness that she would come back. But the next week when I started to plan our next date she came with the "as a friend" spiel. She is not my only option but I am still bummed out that she left and I mainly want to learn from this experience. Was I not enough of a dick? (though I definitely created negative spikes, most of the time I am very gentlemanly. I also have the balls to kiss her and escalate with touch. So why would she leave after the sexual tension, trust, and the very decent investment on her part?

@bejapuskas @Fleetinglife People did whatever was necessary to survive. I can make statements about how people were more animal than people in the past, yet I am just not that judgemental and I also don't have that black and white vision of victims and oppressors. Let's take Ghengis Khan, he was an absolute maniac that spread death, destruction and disease from Korea to Crimea. Yet I don't have the urge to hate and demonize him. Why would I spend my energy on that? He was simply a force of history. Fun fact: He literally catapulted plague diseased corpses into a Genoese settlement in Crimea. The Genoese fled back home and introduced the plague to Europe. 1/3 of Europe died, absolute tragedy but then what? Due to diminished population, labor became more valuable resulting in more rights, the abolishment of serfdom, technological inventions, the renaissance, the reformation etc. AKA progress. Just give thanks to Ghengis Khan for the fact that you're not a peasant who is forced to work the land 24/7. Nothing is black and white in history. Napoleon killed a lot of men, most notably a whole generation of French youth but he also spread the ideals of the French revolution which made absolute monarchies in Europe unsustainable. He introduced the Napoleonic code, abolished the Inquisition and emancipated Europes jews. That's progress! Even the sheer horror of the ww2 and the Holocaust pacified Europe and the world to a historically unprecedented degree. Look how tolerant places like Germany are now. Colonialism isn't evil, it's progress! Chompsy wouldn't be alive to criticize America if it wasn't for America. Him being born in America and not Europe saved him from the Holocaust. And so was-and-is America a safe haven for millions of people. Just Think of all the inventors, scientists, businessmen, entertainers and even spiritual teachers America produced that make your life so much easier. The harsh fact is that this never would have happened if America was never colonized the way it was.

@Fleetinglife I have read your lengthy reply and I appreciate your well-informed take on this subject you are clearly passionate about. It's true that most European colonizers did not care the slightest about the well-being of the natives. The few people that did were exceptional religious figures like Bartolomé de las Casas. As somebody who traveled throughout South America, I am well aware of the barbarity and the horror the Europeans unleashed upon America. The destruction of cultural treasures, the inquisition, slavery, silver mines and all under a rigid cast system based on race. But why did they do this? The answer: Life in 1500's and 1600's Europe was absolute misery and a struggle for survival. You had plagues, religious wars, civil wars, the little ice age, hunger etc. Why would they feel compassionate towards some foreign heathen when you struggle yourself so much and all you know is some intolerant religious worldview that deems those that are different as sinners. Also, the natives were not just innocent victims, I think it's very disrespectful towards them to just only think of them like that. They were brave warriors, shamans, stonemasons, artists, and traders, and still are! They conquered, build civilizations and empires and like all the rest they fell. War was a fact of life for both the natives as well as the Europeans. History is brutal and both the natives and Europeans navigated this brutal world they were born in, the best they could. That's also why I think It's silly to feel offended if a helicopter (which is a pretty badass machine) is called after a native tribe. Hitler wouldn't call his helicopters jew or gypsy because he was just disgusted by them, he had zero respect or intrigue for them. I think it's good that a bit of native terminology and culture seeped into mainstream American culture. That's just one of many ways how their culture lives on.

People celebrate Columbus because he stands symbol for the spirit of pioneering and discovery. (with emphasis on symbol). He was after all the man that connected two worlds, that's huge in world history. We know that Columbus was very stubbornly ignorant, bigoted, exploitative and a slaver (as was the norm at the time) but you cannot really accuse him of genocide because he never intended to exterminate a race. 90% of America's population died of European disease, which is a mindboggling tragedy even surpassing Europe's plagues. You can blame the Europeans for going to America and bringing the diseases but in a sense, the native Americans were the victims of history and just plain human progress and evolution. European settlers not coming to America to form colonies and ultimately nation-states at the expense of the natives is something that never could have happen knowing the ambitions, struggles and worldviews of the people at the time. Also the Apache, Blackhawk helicopter names are mostly out of respect for the warrior spirit of the respective natives. Intrigue and fascination along with bigoted racism was also part of the European relations with the natives. The native Americans truly deserve our compassion and understanding for their struggles and tragic loss but framing them as just victims and to over-fucus on the political correctness of semantics does not do justice to their role in history as fearsome tribes that fought the Europeans as well as against each other.

@Harlen Kelly @Leo Gura Update: I sent her: Eey (name), let's meet up she replied with: "I don't get it, so you do want to be friends?" I want to reply: I never do this but for you I can make an exception or Sure, let's meet as friends (I will reply the next day)

Okey I will say to her: Eey (name), Let's meet(; (in Dutch) The fact that we have said our goodbyes will make this comical and cheeky if she interprets it well. If I am lucky she will counter with her friends premise, then I will go along and say that for a time we can meet as friends

@Harlen Kelly Oke, I will send the simplified message tonight

When we were leaving my place she got (very slightly) disappointed because she missed some plants I said to her that she will see them next time. Also when I escorted her to the station I purposefully turned away from her but she kept standing close to me, right by my chest. The only worrisome thing that she said to me is that she considers herself just an "average level of fun". Maybe she was being vulnerable but usually, girls will boast and qualify themselves in front of guys they like. But maybe this is just nonsense. @Harlen Kelly @Leo Gura Can I send her this (but in Dutch): (Name), I don't normally do this and it's a huge exception, but since we both really had a good time together, I'm willing to continue our relationship as friends and meet up as simply friends

@Harlen Kelly You make good points. My goodbye text to her was actually kinda cute I made an inside joke that she was more than "an average level of fun" and then I wished her the best. She reacted positively to me and also wished me the best. What should I text her, if anything at all? Can I say: I usually never do this but I really enjoyed our time together so I will not mind spending some time as friends.

We already wished each other the best so it's very much so swallowing my pride to ask her on another date "as friends".

@Harlen Kelly Sure, I could have done that but that's A: very manipulative (It goes against my integrity and is a very beta tactic) B: I have options and I'd rather not waste my time on girls that are not into me. C: She probably just said it to be polite without having real intentions to do so. If I was a dick/creep she would have just ghosted me but because I was mostly gentlemen she at least respects me at that level @charlie cho Why? It didn't break my heart so why would it break yours?

Thanks for the advice and help @Gili Trawangan It was not a shittest or defense she really lost interest in me. She sent me a whole respectful paragraph and offered to see each other again but as friends. I told her honestly that I am not interested in being friends and that we can meet and take it slowly from there. But she refused. We respectfully departed ways. On our date we have spent more than 3 hours in multiple places and at some point we headed back to the train station, she was asking me to stay a little longer. I said: "no, at some point it's enough" (in Dutch). This was a "push" and clearly a negative spike for her. At the moment of departure, I said: "we can do two things, we either grab each our own train or you come with me to see my plants (I am into plants)" and so she was very happy to take my train to my town and place. I see myself as a very high-value young man: due to my psychedelic use I am (relatively) spiritually evolved, chill, centered, fearless and loving. I am very expressive (especially with my eyes), I have ambitions, a job, passions, I know a lot about history, botany, geography, I do art, have my own place and I travel a lot. My weak points are mainly due to my inexperience with women and enormous introversion. Also, I care very little about sport. (I am short and thin) Also, she knew I was high value because she would have seen other girls staring at me when I was with her. Also when we first kissed she was super receptive but maybe I am a horrible kisser. But yeah the real chemistry just wasn't there.