Tim R

It's a most peculiar feeling. It feels like walking, but not on the ground, or like floating, but not in the air. When D.T. Suzuki was asked what Satori feels like, he said "It feels like everyday normal life, but two inches off the ground". Master Yang-jing asked Hsu Yun: "Who is carrying this corpse around?"

I suggest you give this a read (can you access it without a university VPN connection? If not, let me know and I'll send you the whole thing) It's somewhat similar to calling your good friend a "son of a bitch". You just can't say that sort of thing to a stranger. Context is everything here. With the n-word it's a bit more complicated, because "son of a bitch" doesn't drag this gigantic mass of political and societal connotation behind it, whereas the n-word does. It does matter to whom (if at all) you say the n-word and who you are. Mind you, there is no right or wrong answer to this, stay open-minded and try not to drift into ideological modes of thinking.

@bejapuskas And how do you suppose one would generate consent for this?

Hello everyone, I need some advice. My younger brother (21) seems to have become a very unhappy and easily irritable person who does not want to acknowledge that there are problems (in his life or (as a result) in the lives of others, i.e. my family), take advice, or even desire to change anything. He seems very tense and frustrated. As soon as you approach him about even the tiniest problem he becomes extremely defensive. In fact, when you approach him for anything else, even if you want to do something good for him, too. He immediately reacts passiv-aggresively and defensively (hope you know what I mean). This has been going on for years, since he was a teenager, and it has become worse and worse over the years. We have no idea what to do with him anymore and my parents (he lives with them) have basically given up on changing anything, and it really hurts and frustrates them to see him like this. Me too to be honest, but I find myself at my wits end and unable to help him anymore, especially since he doesn't seem to really want or accept any help. I am very worried about him and I fear that he is already depressed (he sleeps a lot and doesn't seem to find much joy in anything except playing the guitar) or that he could suppress his emotions even more deeply and violently. He has a job as a shop assistant (or whatever the english term is for selling stuff in a small store) which he hates because he thinks all the people who come there are stupid and their questions are unnecessary. When he comes home he's always so miserable and irritated... He's studying in his last semester, he says he likes the subject but hates the university (and in turn, his studies, not thematically, but structurally). It seems almost impossible to get through to him, except sometimes when very careful and in his better moments. It is frustrating to watch helplessly how it keeps getting worse and worse every time when I visit my family. Since I haven't lived with them for many years, I feel even more helpless and it breaks my heart to see him feel like he is being denied love and his denying love to my parents in turn. I don't want to come across as some sort of know-it-all who lectures him (although I'm afraid that he perceives anyone ho wants to help him as that) and wags his finger at him, I want to let him know that life can be good and that people love him, more than he knows. Help?

@Thought Art Bro I want to hear your music

Don't? Hell, people are scared of doing psychedelics even if they want to do them!? Don't try to manipulate your brother into doing them with you, if you want to do them, please, go ahead, but don't go around preaching the benefits of them to people who are not interested.

@Nahm So you're saying that the right thing to do is let him experience these things so that he can find his own way to contentment? What exactly do you mean when you talk about "expressing" in this context? His emotions? I don't understand... When he meets other people who have learned to return to contentment, he will have defeated himself? How is this a game against others in the first place? @Kksd74628 I thought about doing exactly that, you have strenghtened my desire to do so. I just hope he sees the Love. @flume I had the same insight, that perhaps the most loving thing to do is to let him experience these things - but then again, perhaps the most loving thing to do is to try to help him. But if he really doesn't want help, well.... Perhaps I should do as you did with your sister. It's difficult. Dank dir vielmals, dein Kommentar ist sehr berührend? @Rigel Maybe, probably. When I moved out I thought "finally free" - and counterintuitively, that only strenghtened my love for my parents and my brother.

@Salvijus I think @Preety_India's answer was really damn close, so she obviously recognized and kew that situation. Just tryna learn...

@Someone here Have you read my post bro??

That would say to him "there's something seirously wrong with you"...

@Preety_India Clear yes. I hope not... Hmm I've thought about that... He is the youngest, but my parents never considered me better than him - but nowadays I feel he might feel that way. That's diffucult to answer. If the answer is yes, then it is not obvious, at least not to me, but I gotta be careful here with my bias, I might be blind to somet things. I was the first one with pretty much everything (finishing school, leaving home, getting a degree, moving to yet another city, etc.) and I#ve wondered whether he felt kinda secondary because of that. That is my intuition, but I haven't figured out what migh've caused it - if it is trauma, it wasn't sudden, our parents were always very loving (or at least they tried, there were some traumatic events which I'm still working on for myself). That could be, but I don't know if he has experienced it. It's possible. I'd have to seriously prepare myself for that - and if he would ever agree to doing such a thing, that alone would be a huge step. Yes, that's exactly correct and I'm trying my best to do that. But that's the hardest part for me because I'm always looking for what he might interpret as condescending etc., even if I'm being totally authentic and come to him with a loving intention. I thought about that too, but I don't know enough about clinical psychology (or whatever) to attest narcissistic traits, but he certainly appear as that sometimes. True that, he always wants to do stuff on his own and not be commanded on anything. That pretty much hits the nail on the head, our parents (especially my father) is rather judgemental.

@itachi uchiha Yes, unfortunately nothing about self help or philosophy, I once gave him the German best seller book on finding the meaning of life, hoping that it might inspire him at least a little bit to reflect on life more, but he hasn't touched it to this day. I live 300 km away, how would you suggest I help him? @Dryas I'm afraid that he thinks already that he is a pathetic loser, he has some serious struggle with self-esteem. I think telling him that he is a loser would make thigs worse. @QQQ Well as I said he like to play the guitar (and bass), he studies Economic Law, he works at a small store that sells leather ware (so he has a lot of contact to customers), he meets his friends like once or twice a week (which btw is a huge improvement, he didn't have many friends when he was younger), but other than that, he doesn't do much. He somewhat compromises his health with bad eating habits, he doesn't work out (no, he started to occasionally use a stationary bike). That's pretty much it I think.

@itachi uchiha We're talking basic, basic stuff here, nothing spiritual. He's stage Orange through and through.

He is a clinical psychologist, you know that?

@Gesundheit2 I highly recommend his 2017 lecture series "Maps of Meaning" and "Personality and Transformation", I absolutely love them. And his biblical series is great! What you personally need to hear? Oh man who knows? I think my favorite lectures are "Phenomenology of the divine" and "Kain and Able". Although to be honest, there are so many good lectures that often just blew me away... If you're interested in psychology, you'll probably find every single one of them interesting, at least it was like that for me. Some I've watched multiple times because of how much knowledge and wisdom is packed in some of them, one time won't do.

It's one thing to not resonate with someone's style of teaching, it's another thing to say ... You might want to reconsider what you mean by "academic" because a Hirsch index of 51 in insane. So yes, he is a serious academic. Whether you agree with his political views or not is a totally different issue.

Sounds like you've only seen the political stuff, what a shame. His psychology lectures are extremely high quality and incredibly insightful.

One of Leo's best videos

????

Thought = Thought

What else would they be?

@Judy2 or Can you see that these two strategies, recognizing a thought as a thought & stopping to believe in it, are actually not that different from each other? Because a thought is only a thought so long as we think it is! So long as we believe in its reality. When we recognize a thought as a thought, it immediately loses (some of) its power. The key is not to have no activity of mind ("thoughts") at all, but to stop being fooled by thoughts. And that, in a sense, is the death of thought. Or rather, the realization that thought was never alive in the first place. That is the collapsing of mind and no-mind. But since I proposed to stop talking/thinking, which I meant quite literally, I'd still advocate for that I find it easier than searching for thoughts and trying to actively dispell them, but that's just personal preference. It can be difficult to stop talking though, especially when one works with people or lives together with people. I did it because I could it, because I lived completely on my own and alone.

What helps it to stop talking entirely. Stop talking to yourself, stop talking to others. The reason we feel ourselves and the world to be separated and made of things is because we believe our thoughts about it. Every time we say "I" or "you" or "this" or "that", that belief gets reinforced a little more. And vice versa, when we don't say it, it loses strenght.

"Your ego has about as much control over what goes on as a child sitting next to his father in a car with a plastic steering wheel." Alan Watts What happens, simply happens. It's not you who's doing it, but it's also not happening to you. You are the entire process. "Doing" and "happening" are one and the same process. It seems that this process is divided into what you are doing and what is happening to you, but this division is not real. But you must understand that whether you realize this or not makes no difference to what's going on. Go ahead, loose weight, approach women on the street, do whatever you woud like to do. Because whether you do that or whether you sit at home and rot away on reddit or whatever - both are the cosmic process, both are happening and doing simultaneously, and neither. You see?

It seems to be free will. There's no problem with that. Keep lifting up your hand. And when understanding comes, keep lifting up your hand.