Ima Freeman

Had a vision to start a business around the protocoll and to some work to spread the word about mercury poisoning. But the side effects of the therapy are too debilitating atm. I might start it when I have enough cognitive skills and motivaiton again.

War is a armed conflict between humans. Suffering and dying is life as a whole. And If a virus is deemed a terrorist, what than are humans? Hyperterrorists?

@Twega If the human body could detox metals like mercury, it wouldn't stay in your organs for decades after exposure. From what I read, proper chelators (like ALA and DMSA) do not only transport heavy metals out of your body, but are the only proven way to do so. Supporting your body while chelating is a good idea though.

@Moobrty67 If you need a substance to be calm you have a neurochemical problem.

Hello everyone, This is a very serious topic. It's hard for me to talk about this mental phenomenon, because it looks like I'm a lunatic, but I want to resolve it, so I search for help. Intrusive violent thoughts As the title says, a big mental disturbance of mine are violent intrusive thoughts. This kind of thoughts are unconscious and the most energetic, powerful thoughts that "happen" to me. If they occur, it's like I'm not there, just like dreaming while asleep. Most often, I sense that they happened after they passed. So, what is the content of this thoughts? Normally they involve being verbally or even physically attacked by other people. Then as a way to protect myself, I push back against these aggressors. This leads oftentimes to me assaulting my opponents, beating them up, stabbing them or even shooting them. In extreme cases I kill the person or persons who mistreated my at first. The people I harm or kill in this thoughts could be everybody. They often include people who want to patronize me like policemen, my father, mother, politicians I don't like. But if I am frank, they also included people that, in real life made jokes about me or who had a dispute with me, like my sister, my uncle, people who made fun of me in school, people that made fun of me in work, etc. Trauma from the past So what in my life could be causing this thoughts? As a kid, I was hyperactive, daydreaming all the time and did not really follow the instructions of my parents or teachers. This lead to my parents (mother and especially my stepfather) shouting to me, dragging me around, hitting me and locking me up in my room (rarely). I didn't understand why and developed a deep hate against my stepfather. That's where my hate against authority and paternalism developed. This sounds very bad, but they where not mere tyrants. I had a good childhood at the end, my parents bought me lots of toys and we went to holiday every year. But when I step out of line I got sanctioned. School was hard for me. It was very difficult to concentrate and I was not interested in the topics. My parents took me to several doctors, psychologists, and "healers". I was prescribed ritaline for a while, but it didn't work for me. In school I was not very popular and "cool" but I wasn't bullied either. I was somewhat in between but not very social too. At the years past I retreaded more and more. This was the time, when I first noticed violent thoughts. I had to cope with various mental problems in my youth until today, like depressive phases, severe social anxiety and addictions. I began to experiment with alcohol, weed, speed and other drugs to feel better. This was not a long term strategy, of course. I hardly drink or smoke weed today. At he moment I'm virtually on my own, without a social life. I meet friends maybe every two weeks to a month. Since the corona virus lockdown even less often. What I do Do I have a will to act on my thoughts? No, I am against violence. But could it happen, that in extreme situations I harm people disproportionately? Maybe, but I don't think it's realistic. When I see a brawl around me, my legs turn to jelly and I'm very anxious. Like being restless all my life, I'm being paranoid too. The murder thoughts are nothing but a reaction to my paranoia, that I get mistreated or attacked by other people. So what do I do to get less paranoid? I'm eating very conscious and healthy and doing sports. I try to keep my body healthy. I'm very self critical and contemplate about myself. I try to understand myself. Because of my psychological ailments I went to three psychotherapists in the last six years. My current psychotherapist says, that these intrusive thoughts could be because of my previous drug abuse. They made this thoughts worse, but I had them before experimenting with drugs. People around me do not seem to understand what I'm going through. So, why am I writing this? I want to know if people here have similar problems and have found working strategies to resolve their violent thoughts. I accepted them already, but they do not resolve. I want my mind to be calm and peaceful, not hateful and murderous.

@Nahm I will learn more about emotions and the true Self

Agree In what ways one can control the mind is the question.

Yeah, I did one hour meditation sessions daily back in the day. But I discontinued my meditation routine. For me it feels like meditation is not effective at this point. Getting physically healthy, healing childhood trauma and understanding the psyche is more important for me at the moment.

Where does ME begin and where does it end? Good question, not a silly one. I don't know what I fundamentally am. So saying that my thoughts are part of me was the silly thing. I tried it sometimes, but they oftentimes bother my so much that I go back to analyzing them. As I said, it's not only the thoughts that happen, but the feeling of rage too, which has it's inprint on me and stays for some time after having these thoughts. So basically the thoughts are poisoning me. That's why I feel an urge to get my psyche fixed.

I would say "survival thoughts" are a better term. I feel threatened, so my mind prepares me for confrontation.

They are ego boosters, I guess. The contend of my thoughts is usually this: I get verbally or even physically attacked, there is a feeling of threat, there is a feeling of immense rage, I "defend" myself by fighting back resulting most often in the death of the attacker. Even if I do not react to them, I feel enraged for some time. So trying to not indulge in them is pointless. They overcome me. Part of my mind, which belonges to me. I cannot walk away from it.

Publicly as an anonymous internet user, yes

I do not get that, unfortunately. But I try to contemplate on it later.

Big Tech is already encroaching on politcally incorrect opinions. It's a matter of time till Tim Pool gets deleted. People will get to alternative platforms like LBRY, Parler, Gap, etc. And when that happens, these platforms get banned: https://reclaimthenet.org/google-bans-lbry/ You see how deep the rabbit hole goes? But most likely you applaud this comming technocracy...

It's very important to discuss this. How many people are there in our societies, who are afraid of talking about this? Thousands? Hundreds of thousands? Millions? This stuff has to be brought to light. It shouldn't linger in the dark. That could be very dangerous in the long term. I am very sure, that when I frankly tell the people around me, in person, not as an anonym internet user, about my murderous thoughts, I will get stigmatized as a lunatic by most, even if they tell me that I'm not. I don't think the controversy only exists in my thoughts, but in the thoughts of almost all people.

Very good video. I cried a little.

Not that I know. But I was made fun of sometimes, like everyone I guess.

Accepting them as part of me should take some pressure of. But there is still the controversy of my thouhts content.

@Abdelghafar Thank you for your advice I already used the forgiveness exercise on my stepfather. I will check out the other exercise too. Atm I'm in the progress of watching all of Leo's videos, soeventually I will watch. And I'm aware that watching them once isn't enough for them to have a changing effect. It does not seem possible for me to let go of thoughts that come out of nowhere. How should I let go of things that I do not control? But I don't want to ignore them either. It is very frustrating to see your familiy members getting killed by yourself in your thoughts over and over again. I want to be truthful, but it's to hard for me to tell them what's going on in my mind.

This is not a request for a specific video, but a request concerning videos. Leo, could you please upload your content on LBRY, for the people that don't want to use Google services any more?

I was never diagnosed with OCD. I don't know what it's symptom cluster either

I meant recreational drugs (alcohol, cannabis). They do often work like a magic pill, but only for 1-3 hours. Thank you. It feels good to read that Yeah I preemt the possibility of not being accepted by isolating myself. But the consequence of isolation is the same as not being accepted. Fear is the whole problem.

The times I tried DMT i took only very little, because I was to afraid of it. But maybe I try ayahuasca. The thing is, that I want to use it consciously, as a tool. Right now my motivation to take drug is to feel good instantly. Like a magic pill. Therefore I try to fix my emotional state before taking psychedelics. As long as I push people away, there is no way to feel loved. I feel unaccepted.

@Tim R Your right. I thought the same while typing it The thoughts are part of me. So if I try to fight them I try to fight parts of myself. I understand what you say. But these thoughts are very odd to me. I try to work on myself to become more actualized, therefore less primitive and more at ease. But that seems to be a role i want to play. The problem lies maybe in the fact, that assault and murder is contemned in society and therefore I feel that I'm bad and evil.