AlwaysJoggin

It’s been less than a year since I first started I tried to quit my times fail over and over and now I’m in the edge I hurt my self financially hope this my waking call and i leave this behind with 2020. I’m 23 and since I started gambling in around May this year i lost 10k maybe a bit more I don’t remember. the problem is I don’t want to work 9to5 job i hate it so i say i will start making money gambling lol?

@PurpleTree same i even use to gamble and not get addicted it happened when I started winning alot i went on a winning run and that made me convinced that I somehow learned something here but in reality i was just getting lucky and that was dooming for me taking me time and time again to lose to start realising the truth that table games are rigged and fixed specially blackjack you have 3 times more likely to lose that win yet they make you believe it’s 50/50.

@Nobody_Here yes sorry I actually meant Orange not yellow, got them confused lol. i am aware I’m stuck here atm also recovering from gambling addiction gonna take a while fir me to make any mental shifts.

@Mu_ i will try it thank you mu and everyone i read it all very helpfull now I have to do my part

I’m extremely tempted to gambling right I quit a while back and I’m suffering from extreme temptation but deep down I don’t want to do it but another part of me wants it.

I’m also suffering from “this” no interest in anything job related or any college program i scroll pass every college program and job in my country and I don’t like anything so what do i want? it’ll like what ever I’m not interested I’m interested in competition! only i view life as a competition I’m very open minded but (I can’t help how my brain sees the world) i like buying clothes and looking good because Its a competition i want to win in not looking bad i go workout and do boxing because if I don’t do these things i “lose” i don’t know what i lose but i feel like i lose! ,want to win in life, get money, get strong and never not being able to buy anything i need. I am gambling addict I’m trying to quit now but my life view also reason I’m addict and bad gambler every time i lose i go all out again and can’t think and then i lose i get hurt i quit. sounds like I’m stage yellow but I don’t believe so despite all that the person i am that only my self knoes in not stage yellow despite i love material. im non judging i help people I’m calm and i try my best to grow my love but still I’m all that too. Spiral dynamics is not linear I discovered from my self. You see it’s infinite there are infinite stages in between every stage so on It’s ok if you feel lost keep practicing meditation also practice to accept who you are and don’t judge yourself and let go i try to do that and it’s helping me because if I don’t. Its hard hard to have this conflict with yourself. It’s all good who cares you don’t look apon a purpose? social pressure maybe? Because ohh look you need a purpose because look everyone os doing something go do something it’s not that simple there is a reason you don’t like some things and like other things. How you grew up, your parents, your genetics, your country, your financial statues. Well dam that’s how eveybody is different some people don’t do purpose and view it how others do. Good luck all I’m trying to say is it’s ok you will eventually find your way

I had a roommate that i was a bit mean towards she was a lesbian and had a girlfriend and one day she walked in my room to smoke and talk and she outa nowhere asked for sex, it was shocking and confusing. I ended up saying no in an undirected manner as i was super stoned from weed and i was afraid my penis won’t get erect cuz i was smoking everyday and my penis would be limp from all the weed. <<<< I deeply regret this one i should have said yes and the only reason I couldn’t do it because i was afraid, my body was filled with fear that omg! what if my penis was too limp and she exposes me i had another roommate that would invite me to her room “to watch a movie” more than once and i use to say no and I would just jack off and sleep, i also regret this one but not as much the reason for me not accepting? I was afraid the dynamics between us would change since we live together at least that was the way i did thinking ? maybe it was just another excuse my brain convinced me of because of fear? Bit why was I afraid of sex?...

@Nahm thanks

@Tim Ho lol I know right, smh ✌????

@Nahm any practice or daily exercise for me to become aware of that which you said. offff I really feel and think too much about what people are feeling ok i have this exercise to do (but let me know what helped you) i will be conscious and aware (if I remember) when ever I’m interacting with people to let go of thinking about what they’re feelings and focus on me but you see it’s hard cuz my brain will translate situations and connect it to feelings and how i feel will be the derect reflection of how they feel which will be hard for my brain to avoid. But that’s when self control comes in maybe not feeling that way in the first place is possible but that is next level stuff that will take ages to master but a think that i can do is just controlling myself and not let the feelings take over amd make decisions against the feelings? But why are the feelings wrong? Why should I resist?...... I should just ....acccept I should from resisting i want to be free i am free i let go let go it’s ok don’t-let go there is nothing there to let go. Im fine I’m fine I’ve always been. Just been that’s it it’s beautiful

If all the questions we can possibly ask about everything are answered what remains? Let’s skip forward to the end

I’m here not every day but often usually in bed before I sleep ? I rarely contribute but i read alot

I usually been like couple years now i do do alot of fasting and lately i came to visit family and been eating like a pig. but i feel like I’m generally more stressed out and I’m hard to talk to at times i snap quicker and bare to talk to and I cannot take bullshit as easily anyone know if diet effects that as its just a theory i have, i will change my diet back to healthy eating and fasting and see if anything changes and maybe i can go back to a Zen state <<< yeah that i need to be more Zen and peaceful ✌? ☮️ . Maybe i was really never in a Zen state i was always like this but anyways that’s the quest

@blankisomeone lmaoo I’m with you on this one. I guess it’s what ever you imagine and wish for that will make you happy? That’s pretty cheerful!! it’s it.

@Leo Gura @allislove but there are people that i love alot and I want the memory of loving them stay for eternity. Is that possible?

@SS10 hello I’m also addict of gambling I lost alot of money and always lost all money even if i won. You need radical change you need to take radical action and experience new thinks And get and do uncomfortable things like maybe go travel go for a solo hitchhiking trip or go visit a friend of family member that lives far that can be fun you need to always seek ways to change how you view life be a strong person and confident and only putting yourself throw shit can build that. I am also gambling addict and yes i still I’m that’s ok love yourself we can go through this And recover just needs time and find love somewhere else rather than in gambling and money. Maybe find love with someone we meet in life but you have to live life and go seek it. i hope you the best I’ve never been on anti depressions even tho i get depressed alot. But working out helps me so try to get of them too <3 trust me all we need is love. Plz look at the mirror and say to yourself “i love you “❤️

Will i see something? I know it’s possible since i can see in my dreams and not just throw my eyes. will i think and have thoughts? will i say ah I just died and be confused and remember that i was human form? I know Leo did a video about death but i still don’t understand he says you will merge into infinity<< what does that even mean or feel like,can you dumb it down for me? i know i know my ego is aching it wants to know if it will survive after death. But seriously what happens?

I'm good target as I'm implosive and have zero self control and have free time and have nothing going on in life and also have no clear life propose literally nothing interests me. recently I started online gambling and i went 35k up as a 23 broke college student that's a lot but i couldn't stop i just couldn't control myself i lost the whole thing + couple thousand dollars i had from my own money now i barely have money to eat my brain is gonna explode thinking about all the thinks that money could have helped me and i lost it all due to lack of self awareness and lack of purpose and discipline and a lack of respect to life. for example imagen that money could have helped children in poor countries get a surgery they need to life ect... and I toke it for granted and gambled with it and lost it cuz of greed . donno I'm at the lowest point in life atm and i need a life purpose, it will be my only chance to get moving forward I forgive myself but things are bleak now I'm lost thanks for reading everyone. if you have advise how I can find a passion in life let me know or how you found yours.

@How to be wise thanks

Anyone know a ducementary or film about spirituality non-duality (the stuff and kind of material Leo talks about that has Arabic subtitles or in Arabic dub?. i can swear i saw one documentary about non-duality available on YouTube but I can’t find it and does anyone how i can add subtitles in any language to Leos vids? thank you

@Gesundheit lmaoo thankss

@Gesundheit ye lol i try to explain some this stuff to my dad he thinks I’m crazy and laughs at me . but I’m not a professional at explaining stuff (maybe when I’m high ?). So I’m hoping i can find a way to add Arabic subtitles to Actualized.com videos

when ever I’m feeling down ama revisit this. I love you people hope keep sharing more this is gold

@JosephKnecht amazing. It’s like I’ve always felt that in my heart but never knew how to put it into words. This filled me

I noticed that when ever i go on meditation streaks like doin it daily it leads to i like to call it mental brakedown i start getting depressed and i can get panic attack more easily and often. Other than that personally I usually get like couple panic attacks a year last time was a month ago where i went to the emergency room I thought I was going to die. Now I don’t meditate daily cuz I don’t want to get depressed at the same time i do want to do it cuz i know its wonderful benefits.