Nobody_Here

Welcome to my hell. Rodimer is running for election in a district very close to where I live. Even worse, this "cowboy" is from New Jersey and is running for election in Texas because he kept losing elections in Nevada. He's also a retired WWE wrestler. So basically, he's a fraud in more ways than one.

The only thing I could add to the advice given in this thread is the advice given to me when I was about your age. Don't play video games or escape how you're feeling -- you're only prolonging your misery. Your body is trying to tell you that it needs to process the pain you are carrying. So let it. Cry and scream into a pillow, try TRE, talk about your pain in therapy or addiction treatment, keep a journal, etc. You may be able to do shadow work simultaneously, but if you have to choose one, choose crying first. You'll also experience a ton of emotions doing shadow work, but I think expressing your feelings safely and productively is a top priority right now.

Listen to this with a nice set of headphones:

If you're referring to Pope Francis, he's a pretty cool Pope. I like him even better than St. John Paul the Great. If she's listening to him, that would be fine with me. But even if it wasn't...that's her life choice, and it's best to respect it.

That's not being truly agnostic -- more like thinking that you're better than God. You're probably better than your personal conception of God, but I also sense a lot of projection in your definition of God, whatever that is. Perhaps what you think of as God is really your shadow self.

I prefer to think of religion as a finger pointing to the moon. It's not the moon (the divine) but it's most people's first step toward it.

My understanding of the majority of people who don't have an "internal monologue" think in images. Basically, their "internal monologue" is a stream of images instead of hearing an internal voice. Being a visual thinker (in this case, an extreme case of one) does not make one enlightened. It's just another way of thinking.

I agree more with Huang Po's conclusions of reality. I'm not God, you're not God. There is no creator God (as Christianity, Judaism, or Islam would define God.) There is only Mind. We're all figures of the imagination dreamt up by this Mind. Interestingly, Mind is somewhat recursive as we are all having our own little Dreams within the Mind's dream. That said, Mind is not a person -- it's the uncarved block, the Void in which all All comes from.

Take your own advice and come back when you have two million YouTube subscribers.

You must have me confused with someone else or something that isn't there. I'm not competing with you or anyone. I gave @Leo Gurawhat I would consider constructive feedback, and as I've said before, it largely matches what he's already said about himself. If you can't tell the difference between constructive feedback and egoic judgment (both are present in this thread) you don't have much of a leg to stand on as you don't know the difference between constructive feedback and "knowing better than Leo." Then, you unironically proclaim yourself as someone who unequivocally understands Leo's approach.

So...basically, you're no better than we are. I can live with that. Good night!

Leo has a million followers on YouTube alone. I wouldn't fix what's not broken.

Judging the judgers much?

He posted another person's video that said a certain drug that treats parasites also cures COVID-19. I can't find the post anymore, so perhaps it was taken down. There's at least one other video that gave me alarm bells; however, I'm on a deadline and I can't find it right now. My point isn't to tell you to avoid Aaron's videos, only to be aware of his political side. I have personally found many of his videos quite helpful. OK, well...you are in a transition stage of some point. Some of what you described definitely reminded me of the 5/6 phase. I imagine it could be a Dark Night of the Soul as someone else said. However, your story doesn't remind me of my Dark Night or other Dark Night stories I have read. Just my opinion. I'll have to go back when I have more time and read this thread again. However, you don't seem to be mentally ill. That said, I'm not diagnosing you, just speculating what could be happening in a situation like this That's actually quite helpful, thank you. I'll try that this week and see how it goes.

I don't remember where he said this, but I agree with your opinion. Not all enlightened masters choose to teach the masses. I am grateful, however, for those who do.

I think this is a fair assessment: @Leo Gura is in a Yellow-Turquoise phase. Not quite Turquoise but getting there.

@Intraplanetary RE: the above post. Aaron Abke is great at explaining complex issues in a simple way but be forewarned that he's been spreading misinformation about COVID-19 on Instagram. If that doesn't disturb you, listen on and ignore what I just said as I don't want to get into an argument. I agree to disagree. As for what you are going through, check out Leo's video about stages 5/6 and 6 in the Cook-Greuter series. You're in stage 5/6 -- congratulations. It's very common to feel like you're mentally ill at this stage, but you're not. I'm going through similar things, so it's comforting to read a thread about people going through similar struggles. Are you having issues with getting everything done? I do very little, but everything gets done anyway(?). I liked my checklists and structure back when I was in previous stages. Now everything is intuition-based (whether I like it or not) and there's no structure whatsoever. Do you have any insights into that?

I wouldn't say much more than what @Leo Gura has said about himself. He's said in one of his videos (I think it's this one) he has some "Strategist" issues, which I see as well. I don't know him personally, but I don't really see the Turquoise vMeme operating very strongly in him. Finally, I think his Guided Exercise was good but the conclusions he makes about the exercise border on solipsism, and I don't think solipsism is the Truth (although solipsism is really hard to disprove.) Yes, I know I'm not the best roaster.

@DecemberFlower Two years of personal growth work is actually not a very long time. I've been working on myself since I was 16 (after my only suicide attempt) and I didn't really see the best results until maybe a few years ago (age 37). I'm 39 now. Don't worry -- I'm not saying it will take you 20+ years to see results; I also had some serious health problems to attend to. What I am saying is that you will be working on yourself the rest of your life (as we all should be) as there is always something to work on. That said, I think what you are getting at, that your girlfriend is no longer a good fit for you, is a sign of major progress. Your intuition is telling you to move on, which is very scary since this is your first relationship. However, it's very natural in the process of personal development for your life to turn upside down and look like you're going backward when what is actually happening is that you're making major progress. It just doesn't look like it right now as you don't have much in the physical world to show for it yet. If your intuition is telling you it's time to move on, I would do it before life forces you to have a painful breakup. Life has a way of moving you when you don't want to move. Someone asked me earlier today how to tell the difference between fear and intuition. It's a skill set that gets better over time, but my rule of thumb is if the voice in your head is making you upset (angry, nervous, etc.) it's fear/ego. If it is calming you down, even if it's bad news, it's intuition. You can always go back to college and finish if you like. You can learn a trade. You can start a YouTube channel. I think your intuition is on point like it is with your girlfriend -- you're 30 now and it's time to grow up and start doing the adulting thing. This is actually where I was 9 years ago, so congratulations. I'm not even saying it will take you 9 years, I can't guarantee a time frame. What I am saying is to follow your intuition. Your path will look weird and unpredictable to some, but your intuition will take you on the right path, and potentially the most direct one. Good luck with everything, and keep us updated on your progress.

That sounds more closed Orange than Yellow. A person/culture in Yellow would be more along the lines of, "Every day, I go to work and build this beautiful system and fight the chaos that wants to destroy it. Why people want to destroy my beautiful system is beyond me." Yellow would exercise to improve health, which increases the efficacy to build this system. They're not in it to win it (although winning is fun!) as much as they are in it to create it. To Yellow, winning means winning the chance to build more systems. This is a bit of a stereotype but I think you get the idea. Here are resources for gambling addiction: Link

I wasn't really attracted to my current boyfriend when I first met him. He's a manager at my workplace who worked in a different area than I did. I set up his company phone (edit: that was my job at the time) and we got to talking about cybersecurity, which is the field he works in and I want to get into. We clicked right away as friends. Eventually, he wanted something more. He's almost 13 years older than me and a manager, and at first, I was concerned that people would judge me for dating him for his money or status. Eventually, I gave in because he's just a great guy. He just happens to be a leader and has nice financial resources, and who am I to judge him for that? If he treated me badly -- I have my own leadership skills and my own financial resources, so goodbye. I don't need him. I just want him in my life and vice versa. I think this is how relationships should be. Not necessarily always needing each other, but definitely almost always wanting each other.

@Striving for more, Being incel doesn't have to be a permanent state. When your ego (that voice in your head) tells you you're a loser for not getting laid, instead of feeling bad, ask yourself what is your ego trying to protect you from. That is the purpose behind that voice -- in its own dysfunctional way, it is trying to protect you from something. Only you can answer that question and you don't have to answer it here. But from my own experience, once you understand why your ego is saying those mean things to you, the sooner you can move on to change yourself so you won't be incel any longer.

I'm going to get vaccinated when the shot is available. I've been vaccinated for various things throughout the years and never had a problem, so I figure, what's one (or in this case, 2) more? I agree with @Leo Gura on this subject: I think the anti-vaxxers telling me that I'm scared are way more afraid than I am. I'm not the one posting YouTube videos making unverifiable claims or getting into heated arguments with strangers on the internet. I see lots of projection going on there. This is evidence of "Closed Green", as the original spiral dynamics people would say. I fall into the group of essential non-healthcare workers, but my employer isn't handing out vaccines yet. I'll let you know if something happens. If my employer doesn't let us get the vaccine, I'll fall in the last group of people to get it (general population without any COVID-19 risk factors.)

That's Green. Green is more human-centric while Turquoise is a global/cosmic perspective.

@creator20 I would not sweat over trying to remember how clean your car was, or any other superfluous details, when you had that conversation 5 months ago. Nor would I reflect on how I come across if I were you, if it is only to avoid unpreventable attacks based on personal insecurity. Granted, I was not there in your conversations, and I have very incomplete information, but speaking as a female, I would just look for better friends or a more woman-friendly workplace. If that is not possible for you, then work on being less triggered when people say “X is objectively better than Y.” When you get to stage green and above, that statement makes no sense whatsoever, but it’s not your job to correct others’ errors about this topic. These people are, for reasons that are not anyone else’s business, lying to themselves and others about the nature of reality, to their own detriment. Pro-tip: You are not responsible for other people’s self-deception. Just live your life, be fearlessly yourself, and don’t give a thought to what anyone else thinks of it.