Lyubov

Thanks for sharing your story. I will share with you what has helped me. I would start with owning this emotion you call guilt. I would invite you to see that you are creating it. You aren’t the victim of it. Where do you believe emotions come from? Do you believe you create your emotions? I’ve found that emotions come from beliefs. So if we are in agreement this emotion is something you are creating, it’s time to look at the beliefs behind it. Why? Why do you choose to create guilt? I think really examining your belief system is the way for you to resolve this. The most important thing is owning it first though. Why do you choose to self sabotage?

It’s interesting to think about. I will share how I see it. first off many people have a natural appreciation for relationships of all kind, friendships, romance, family. These are normal to have, experience, enjoy and benefit from. I think in childhood though we disconnect from something unexplainably great, whole, spirit. We develop and take on all sorts of beliefs formed in our child mind. These beliefs aren’t true but they sort of warp our perception and we forget they are even there. We believe we aren’t whole, we lack value without others, we are unlovable without others. Often times this has happened due to how our parents were and hardships and unfortunate things we faced as kids as well. I do think many people sort of then use romantic partners to then resolve this misalignment rather than going inward and realizing one is whole and true no matter what. I don’t think this necessarily means all Romance and relationships are based on this false chase of value outside oneself. I do believe there are ways to navigate this domain of life with balance and of course to fulfill relationship desires. I also do agree that I think our unique situation in life also affects our relationship. There is an aspect to money, coping with life’s challenges, these do have a dynamic with in many relationships. I see it sort of like an orchestra. There’s many different instruments but if they are all tuned and playing in harmony, beautiful music appears.

I've been wrong a lot of times. So much in fact I changed my relationship to this perception. We learn through mistakes. We internalize being wrong as something that is bad as a child. Usually through criticism we received and then beliefs we formed about ourselves. It's ok to be wrong guys. Admitting I'm wrong has lead to so much growth.

this

from my experience life is an inclusive experience so there is no end to what you call ego as long as the human life story is ongoing, and why would there be? it's what makes you, you. The balance of the higher mind with your humanity. It's not some fault or mistake. Now on psychedelics I have experienced a total shift in perception. I would say the journey entails aligning the ego with the higher mind and enjoying life.

what benefits? is it good for brain fog and focus? I heard good things about qigong

Why do you chose to create overwhelm? Start self inquiry from there. I would drop any limiting beliefs that come up and expectations you have. You know what you love to do which is great. Just do it and know with certainty that if you continue on this it will lead you to higher and higher places. where thoughts go, energy goes. Don’t disturb yourself. Continue to write.

Great job, you seem to really be on the right path

I like your reasoning for talking to women. I think keeping low expectations is always good because having expectations closes you off from being present. You aren’t accepting reality when you have all sorts of expectations. Having expectations also closes you off from all the different possibilities that can unfold from talking to someone and also from learning new things too since anything that doesn’t fit your expectations is often labeled as failure. I try to drop all my beliefs when I talk to women and just go with the belief that it’s interesting and good to talk to new people and I’ve found this to be often times true. Of course not everyone I vibe with but I also accept that it’s also a bit of a numbers game. Not everyone is meant to fit with me. Also look at why you create fear talking to girls. You choose to create that fear. Why? What do you believe here about talking to women?

Where does resistance come into play here? I haven’t mentioned resisting (what I would call “not accepting”) rape exists. What I’m saying is inclusive. You are free to believe and live a lie such as “I’m unwhole” and from that lie you are free to express it through another lie believing actions such as rape will make you whole. Which is impossible because you are always whole no matter what. Of course one can’t escape responsibility, so there will probably be consequences here for those actions in the form of law enforcement, but that outcome isn’t necessarily guaranteed. The wholeness I’m referring to is impossible for me to put into words and encompasses much more than my human life/story. How I’ve worded it here maybe doesn’t do justice for the conversation but I’m just working with what words I got. I haven’t seen anything advanced in your argument. I see only a misalignment in your thinking, but that’s just my perspective. I’m open to being wrong.

It’s impossible to be unwhole. It’s only possible to believe a lie which says “I’m unwhole” and then look for ways to try to make oneself whole. Which is what spirituality comes down to here. It’s realizing one is already whole always. You basically just described the lie people tell themselves which leads to rape. What I’ve been saying the whole time which I’m saying is false.

I don’t see it as a matter of closed mindedness. I see your example as superfluous to the reasonability of the conversation. We were discussing rape which is a real thing and I said woo woo because I think it veers away from the truthfulness of the conversation on the actuality of rape and this act people choose to commit. You give an example through the notion of a “demonic mind” that rapes. Why does that creature believe it has to rape and torture? What would it say? Why does it enjoy just making people suffer? I described in life how the action that humans do which we label as rape fundamentally exists, what have I said there you disagree with or believe is false?

That’s not what I’m saying at all. You misunderstand me. There is no magical force which prevents you from believing you are lacking or unwhole, which is a lie, which I then reason is how the action of rape can only exist. Basically rape only occurs because it’s based off a lie “believing one is lacking / unwhole”, so if you are in touch with being whole and one, this action of rape cannot exist.

This is too woo woo for me now I would ask you why does that creature believe it has to rape and torture?

In a way all paths of self actualization start because one is misaligned and has a sense of lack, is out of touch with their true value.

I believe rape only comes from lack. Like I said I don’t believe it can exist without one experiencing a sense of lack. What would the opposite of that be? Rape can exist from one being in touch with their true value, oneness/wholeness? From how I read / understand your post you claim it can exist from the opposite of what I’m saying or in some other way.

Every rapist I’ve ever heard of that told their story why they raped appeared to me to have a belief of lack behind why they raped. I obviously haven’t spoken to every rapist but that is how it looks to me. Do you have an example of a rapist who is rapping not based off a sense of lack or some belief of being not whole ? I wouldn’t say I value love though the way you framed it. I have an appreciation for it. True love to me comes from within and is always here. It’s not a commodity or an action that can be seen as valuable or not since it is value itself. I don’t really follow what you’re saying.

I’ve noticed every area of my life suffers when I don’t respect sleep. I chose to stay up the other night to 4am. My choice and every choice comes with responsibility and some sort of result. It resulted in a horrible day at work and me being unable to do all my tasks. I’m realizing we really have to choose what we know is good for us in the long term over the short term. My conflict here is that I do sometimes like to go out on the weekend on dates. I usually like to drink with my dates and maybe stay out late. I believe I’m sensitive when it comes to a sleep schedule because I can stick to sleeping from 1am-9am for weeks but if one night comes along where I’m up to 6/7am. It then takes me many days to get back to a normal schedule. Anyone sensitive like this? Were any of you able to bring down your sensitivity and get you sleep more under your control? It would be nice to be able to stay up real late once we week but I’m going to maybe just let this go if I have to if it means I’m more productive and healthy in the long run.

I was able to do this more though when I was younger. I used to be more flexible. For example it’s easy not get stuck than it is to get unstuck. 30 nights in a row done well and all it takes is 1 night to perhaps throw off an entire week since so much is founded upon good sleep (studying, focus, creativity, habits). Maybe It’s an age thing. I just know people who seem to be really flexible where they can do an occasional night of partying and they have no problem going back to their health habit.

If what you mean by your label/belief of “infinite love” is the experience of this eternal sense of total acceptance for all that is, no problems, just pure peace, joy, true value. that is what is always true and the backdrop of everything. Then yes. But I’m not interested in discussing your personal state or relating with you on your labels. You made this thread so I’m just warning you that state chasing is incredibly dangerous and limits a much deeper spiritual lesson for appreciation for the nuance of life when you may often be away from this state. Like I said: instead of going up, why do you choose to go down? Looking into answering that question and unpacking that will take a lot of work and is the key to you tapping into what you get from your mushroom trips while sober. To answer your question, yes it’s possible to live this while sober, but you have to develop yourself and have a much greater and accepting appreciation for all that will come your way while you come into this balance sober. Good luck to you.

The action of rape comes from a belief of lack though. Rape cannot exist without the belief of lack prior to it. There’s definitely an unlimited number of expressions but I would simplify what OP wrote even more personally and say they all come from one value.

Sleep is crucial. I have chosen to stay up late, get 5 hours and the next day all my goals suffer. It's the price I pay. It's about commitment, avoiding little things we like but are not great for us. Go to sleep on time and prioritize sleep!

you are chasing states. very dangerous. flip it. ask yourself why you choose to create disturbance in your day to day life that keep you from being here and enjoying it, experiencing joy and wellbeing. what you are doing is taking something to constantly go up when you should be flipping it and looking at why you have to, why you choose to be down when sober, your actual life that needs you in it.

seems like a terrible way to live tbh. sounds like you are going to really create some problems for yourself if you aren't careful.

I got over it by taking responsibility for the beliefs I hold and the emotions which are coming from them. It isn’t easy. It does take some self reflection. But also life isn’t meant to constantly be thought about and examined. There’s peace and wellbeing if you allow for some space between this suffering you are choosing to create and your connection to your true value / spirit. Look at your life and ground yourself in your true value and worth that your value is never affected by anything. And from there focus on your life, making is sustainable and doing things you love. There is no trick to getting over it and moving on. It’s simple. You stop disturbing yourself by putting thoughts into it and holding onto the false beliefs that are causing the pain. And you move on. Life sort of fills the space naturally like plants growing. I’m sure there will be some hardships between now and July 1st and after but you get to keep your chin up and realize there are new chapters and light at the end of the tunnel, you will look back and not be bothered by everything, see it just as a chapter that had invaluable lessons about life in them.