Lyubov

Yeah, people underestimate how hard it is to swim and stay afloat when in a dangerous situation. It is a lot easier to drown than people realize. People swim in pools and then think they know how to swim but it’s not the case. Even most fit people are mediocre swimmers and if you go far out to exhaustion you ain’t coming back especially if you don’t float.

What I mean is sometimes on the Thai end they won’t let you in if you’ve been to Cambodia recently. I want to access Thailand because it’s my main hub as a digital nomad so I don’t want to potentially be denied entry. But I think most tourists have no issues going between the two.

Yeah I saw this. I think I’m headed into it too… on a train to Shanghai now…

I’m sorta based out of Thailand. I haven’t been to Cambodia yet but idk if I want to while there is a conflict. Just because I want access to Thailand.

There is no reason to if you plan to live life. If you’re terminally ill it’s fine to remove this idea. You can be simultaneously aware of spirit while also embracing your humanity. Wu Wei.

Conor wasn’t crazy in the sense that he wasn’t able to function and lacked the ability to completely differentiate things. He wasn’t completely out of his mind like an homeless person who has lost all faculties for regulation and he didn’t lack self awareness like some other forms of crazy do. This is why it’s a bit deceptive to be half crazy. He’s the sorta half crazy type and there is a fine line between that and being seen as a genius or eccentric creative type. Kanye west is another example of this who would be rewarded for his rants and shenanigans so it became a new familiar for him to let loose and only recently it seems he has started being more responsible because he lost access to his kids letting his manic episodes take over. There are different dimensions and expressions to crazy. You can be a little crazy and honestly if you’re creating stuff it’s not a bad thing. A lot of artists need to be a bit crazy to let loose and dream and have fun making art. The issue is some people aren’t able to function in a normal way going between these states and they become irresponsible. It’s not much different than people who get drunk on alcohol and do something crazy. I think in Conor’s case it was drug induced when he did most of his stunts. He was labeled bi polar vs drug induced psychosis which means the doctors in his original hospitalization didn’t have enough information to conclude what it was. The doctors aren’t following him around watching his every move and they probably aren’t watching his YouTube videos. We do have this information though and we know he was making those DMT smoothies daily during COVID and it was the height of his antics and the interventions he had. He said he was taking them every day. He says it’s all an act because from his perspective he sees it as something he has under control, his choice to dose, feed into compulsions and emotions, he’s aware he has a choice in that matter. He feels good while tripping and he wants to be a bit of a trickster because this type of person likes playing and it serves his content and videos to be a trickster. So from his point of view he isn’t crazy because to him he’s just letting loose and nothing bad had happened until now. He wasn’t able to see that his shenanigans and going to the hospital were going to eventually lead to his physical body being harmed. He didn’t have to worry about losing a job because letting loose only lead to more views and YouTube money. So I think it will come to light soon that he started playing with psychedelics again. He got cocky with drugs and died high out of his mind which is why you don’t take these things and go outside. You know your limits and you set yourself up so you are lying safely on a bed or somewhere safe away from water or high drop out of a building.

It’s so hot in Xian though… 40c

I don't think this was a sober manic episode. I think it's pretty clear that he was high as shit on those Ayahuasca smoothies. Look at the photos of the kitchen. It looks like he splattered something like his brown smoothies he would make. Apparently he made a video mentioning he was doing his smoothies again but in the news article his gf says she was unaware of him taking anything. This reminds me of a teacher of mine who saw his friend in high school jump to death from the 8th story of a building while on LSD. How fucked is that? The kid said he realized he was superman and could fly and jumped right out the window in front of my teacher and died. This Conor situation I think is the same. He dosed his smoothie (super high), splattered it everywhere and then went out which he has a history of doing after taking large amounts of DMT. He was tripping and jumped in a lake and was in no such state to make it out because you need every bit of your sober wits about you when in a drowning situation and it sounds like he tired himself out too.

the smoothie in this video looks like what is splattered in the house he trashed, i think he was on psychadelics when he drowned.

He gave that speech like right before he went super crazy. He first did Aya in like spring 2020 then spent time in a mental hospital for a few days, faked his death or something I don't clearly remember, he was crying in a video. Like he said he was going to kill himself or something. Then after he got out he made a spirituality channel where he started making videos on how it was a hoax and then other videos on spirituality. He went super hard into it. Started making videos talking about Leo and actualized, said he was a space tiger and posted a lot of schizo videos and schizo trip art. Cops called on him a few times (bodycam video psoted), riding around in his underwear in Austin Texas and he was drinking his own urine too (he said this himself) but idk if that's true or not. He also was making videos talking to that asian vlogger who did meditation and would talk about awakenings but I don't remember his name. He eventually had a huge episode and his parents and a girlfriend stepped in and then he went quiet. Was like May 2021 at this point he was making lots of weird videos like this one where he was doing yoga with homeless person. He cleaned up a bit after his big episode after or whatever (he deleted all his old videos and went quiet a while) and I didn't hear about him for years until I heard his name get brought up around the looksmaxxing trend, and now he is dead. I thought he got back on track but I was wrong.

That nose job I think is the start of his spiral downward. It def made him look like a trans man (woman -> man transition).

He never really looked healthy. I’ve seen Chinese uncles and grandpas older than him that looked better and they smoke a pack of cigarettes a day while doing exercise in the park.

I’m not going to get into an argument but I am in China now and have spent a lot of time here in the past. China does a great job with improving on existing technology and they are also efficient in their output, but it is true they lack in substantial innovation, expression and originality. Their work can feel a bit hollow, liminal and unintuitive. They copy a ton and rip off plenty. They don’t invent in the purest sense but mostly copy. Where they excel is in efficiency and application, to a degree not possible in the west. When you spend time around Chinese culture and in China it makes senses why they are experts at machining and doing things efficiently and and when you are from the USA you understand why self expression lead to revolutionary invention and originality. China also is liberalizing in Shenzhen where a lot of their technology is designed and engineered. It is a city right next to Hong Kong and probably their most liberal city besides Shanghai. Not all of China is equally conservative. There are parts of China where there is a degree of permissiveness to liberal ways of life and values.

That’s because to a degree there is a phenomenon where your mind / inner child / ego (whatever you wish to call it) knows the truthfulness of your thoughts and what you’re doing. You mix it that with the altered manic state and there is some degree of agency in it. Especially if it becomes a pattern where it becomes familiar. It’s in that space between it all where you act and keep yourself safe and stop putting energy into beliefs and things which create the manic states. Through his episodes a part of you can shine through telling you it’s not true and not right to align like this. Conor overestimated the control he had over it. It’s why he said it’s an act because in a sense it was but it wasn’t an act where he was pretending and faking everything, it was an act in the sense that he would choose it and feed it instead of heeding advice that he would eventually put himself in danger if he fed into those states.

You can put a warning label on a lot of things and try to wash your underlying intentions and lack of maturity when selling it. I agree he has changed since then. Leo started putting out warnings and changed his tone a lot after a string of suicides on this forum and the original Conor incident in 2021. I don’t know if Conor found Leo before or after Aya. Conor is responsible for Conor though. I think he had many opportunities to get some help and he was warned a lot his episodes could lead to some big mistakes. I hope Leo realizes the amount of responsibility for his retreats. Conor being Leo’s Frankenstein has always been a bit of a running joke on this forum and it really ended badly this time… it kind of puts a whole new weight on this community.

I’m in Xian now

I didn’t watch this video with audio. But look at it… it looks like shit splattered on the floor and walls. He trashed the place he was renting.

This is definitely real. Bangkok Post is a trustworthy source and it’s starting to get picked up by other media now. I’m not surprised either it ended this way for him. I felt a bit of shock and startled finding this out and this whole situation has people who are emotionally invested and connected to it. I went through a similar breakdown after Aya too and it was around the time when Conor did, mine was in 2019 Conor’s was in early 2021 after I had made my recovery and when he was talking to Leo, so this situation parallels mine and I’ve been here since the beginning of it all. I’ve never fully trusted Leo as a teacher since my life destabilizing trip and I believe that’s a good thing. You should not be so trusting of people who share info on psychedelics and teach things that carry significant risk and from my own ethical perspective I’ve sometimes felt that Leo has been slow to adjust and recognize his mistakes in what he has promoted and shared. I’m not the best with words but looking back I think Leo’s old teaching were somewhat flippant and lacked the foresight and maturity to see what releasing the information he did so openly would do to people being funneled to him by YouTube. At the same time though I also see Leo has changed some since then and he isn’t responsible for Conor’s life. Conor fucked up here and he had a lot of time to get his shit together. I don’t think I fall into the category of someone with an axe to grind with Leo but I do feel a bit angry about this. I took psychedelics in 2019 because I saw many videos of Leo talking about retreats and was under the impression it was what I needed to do to get unstuck in life and fix my life and problems at that time and it really really left me fucked up for around a year after and completely upended my life. It’s in the past now and my story ended differently, my life is going so well, I’m spoiled. This touches on something real for me though.

grizzly bears are love, but the bear didn't get that memo. reminds me of the monk who goes to pet the stray dog barking at him after meditating lol, then asks his master why he got bit. love does not mean tuning out reality.

There is a video of his home. looks like he was smearing shit on his walls or some brown substance and drawing with it. His flat tells you everything. He went mad. He jumped into a lake a drowned while out of his mind.

I am seeing a lot of people discuss these things. I'd really like some shortcuts if possible. Are they legit? Anyone experienced with them?

Yeah I did some contemplation and research, there def is a huge social media bot craze where nefarious and corrupt actors pay bot farms to promote peptides on social media. I think what we are seeing is largely overpromising. I'll do further research and possible try ones that have been properly tested for weight loss but I think I'm going to stay far away for any of the experimental stuff. I am not inclined to believe a lot of what I'm hearing on social media. Also, the influencer coach pyramid scheme model is also pretty intrenched in the sale of these substances. So you have grifters selling courses and mentorships on how they can teach you how to start a peptide business.

Went to the Great Wall today lol. A Chinese guy asked me for a photo.

Sometimes. I think the one area I am working on in my life is being open and having difficult conversations in my relationships. I'm still learning and allowing to live in Wu Wei (authentic flow). Everyone has their own story or dynamic with their ego / inner child. I am afraid of many things and will sometimes choose to go back to familiar fallacies. No one does everything perfect and living aligned isn't a competition nor a measuring stick for you being here now vs where you think you should be where there is value.

It's not impossible. I have been pretty fat by today's looksmaxxing social media standard and pulled quite a few beautiful women in my time. Inner game sets you up for the long term game. Things have shifted a bit where I think looks for men are a bit more important but pre instagram it was not as important as having excellent social skills, humor and just all around authentic. Also looksmaxxing is just a ridiculous idea in general. It attempts to coin something that is nothing, just desperation. It has always been well know you should try to be maximizing and doing the best you can to look nice. Fixing your clothes, physique, haircut, etc. Looksmaxxing is just a meme autists and clickbaiters fixate on and now it's being astroturf'd by online casinos and right wing interests to funnel young men into the manosphere so they can be leeched on for cash and views. Ridiculous stuff like bone smashing and taking meth for clicks on social media. This shit is being conflated with going to the gym 5-6 days a week which is a pretty good idea if you are on the come up. It's kinda like how kids or teenagers will do something outrageous for attention and even they know it's built on lies and fallacies but it's silly enough to catch on and grab people's attention and since those things are seen as virtue by certain people, they like the approval, money and fame it brings them.