Tristan12

The thing about your family making you stay in that building to overcome your anxiety but actually its making it worse but they won't listen gives me the impression that you feel like your family doesn't care about your emotions and is never willing to deal with them, and you feel like you have to deal with your emotions on your own, and there is no hope of getting any kind of love or support from your family when you feel a negative emotion, making you feel completely trapped and alone in your suffering. Not sure if that resonates with you but that's what that dream makes me think.

@Gianna Thank you

I really like thinking of it like that

Rumi

@Esilda Oh interesting, I know about the Hero's Journey and I have "the hero with a thousand faces" by Joseph Campbell but I haven't read it yet. I'll check it out.

"You cannot save people. You can only love them." - Anais Nin

@Esilda Thank you

I've always wondered, how could God allow life to be so painful? Why is there so much suffering? I live my life in a living hell, suffering day after day. I am constantly in pain. I don't even remember what its like to feel good. If God is infinitely powerful, and can do whatever it wants, why would it choose to incarnate into a life like this? How could anything be worth going through this much pain? Then it hit me. I reached a love so deep, that I finally understood. The Love of God is just so unfathomably deep, so unbelievable, that if you were to feel it, it would all make sense. The love is so deep that it even makes the deepest and most brutal levels of suffering worth it. This depth of love isn't something you can imagine in a normal state of consciousness, or through me writing about it, so it might not seem like love could be this good, but when you discover love at this depth, it will all make sense. The love is just so ridiculously strong that all the suffering in the world couldn't phase it. Love will always be worth it.

Emotional healing, parts work, shadow integration. Basically just inner work

@RickyFitts That's completely okay, you can let yourself feel sorry for yourself. Whether it is an attractive quality or not doesn't matter right now considering the state you're in. I'm sorry you have to deal with all that. Just try to be there for your inner child

@RickyFitts I'm sorry to hear that Ricky

I was destined to be with you. My heart is yours. Always has been, always will be. I love you forever.

It all comes down to self-awareness. You need to closely and very honestly assess yourself and your behaviour. Everything @soos_mite_ah said is good, and I would say just be very careful not to deceive yourself when you are assessing yourself. Honesty is key. Look at how you react to situations and people, and look at how they respond to you. Look at if you generally act in a fair and considerate way towards others, or if you are constantly blaming, backstabbing, manipulating, lying, etc. Think about if you would like to be treated the way you treat other people. As long as you are very very honest, this should be a good test of if you are acting in a toxic way or not.

@Razard86 Thank you!! and yes I agree!

I know exactly what you mean, as I've also been through pretty much everything you described here. I have been through a ridiculous amount of suffering in my life, so much so that it makes me question if my life would ever be worth living after all the pain i've been through, and if anything could ever make up for it. I know EXACTLY what you mean and how you feel when you say that you feel like nothing could ever make up for the pain you've been through. People seem to be saying here that you just need to change how you are thinking and not get so caught up in these negative thoughts, but as someone who has experienced everything you're talking about, I can tell you that this isn't just an issue of pessimism or negative thinking. The suffering (at least from my experience) breaks you at such a deep level that it genuinely does feel like nothing could ever make up for it. It feels like you could go on to live a regular life but it would never satisfy you because you have suffered too much, and you just feel like what's the point. You could try to just forget about it all and focus on the future, but you will just end up avoiding how you really feel and you will never be satisfied. This is how it is for me. The way I answered this question for myself is pretty much what @Gili Trawangan said, that suffering primes you for awakening and after being through all that you have been through, you are ripe for true spirituality. I'm not sure how interested you are in spirituality or pursuing awakening, but that is where the best answer to your question lies. What spirituality helped me realize about everything I've been through is that all the suffering I have been through happened for a reason, it all happened to bring me towards awakening and infinite love. All the suffering I have endured has opened my heart so much and created such an obsession with love, that now love is the only thing I care about, and the only thing that really motivates me in life. It's basically a ticket straight to awakening, as I am much less susceptible to all the distractions, low consciousness pleasures and ego/survival games that everyone plays. For me, when I think of the idea of just getting a bunch of money and sex in my life but never reaching love or awakening, it physically pains me and almost makes me suicidal, as I feel so deeply that that stuff could never make up for what i've been through, and so if I lived a life like that I would just continue to suffer. Deep suffering is a blessing in disguise, because it wipes away your desires for all of the survival ego bullshit, and makes you only really care about awakening and love, which is the only thing that will really fulfill you deep down, and is the only thing that really matters in life. For me my suffering has opened my heart so much, that only now do I REALLY understand love and appreciate it for what it is, and of course that would make the discovery of love way better than if I hadn't been through all that. All you really want deep down is real love/wholeness/completion, and when you reach it, there will never be a question of "if the suffering was worth it". Love is so perfect and so completing and fulfilling, that once you have it, nothing else matters. No amount of suffering could ever make love not worth it, I can promise you that. When you reach love, you realize that all the suffering was just an illusion and it all falls away like it never existed. I have managed to get into some really deep states of love, and this is how i felt while in it, so i'm not just speculating here, i'm speaking from experience. The way I feel now at this point in my life is that I would absolutely not be fulfilled or happy if I just lived an average life pursuing basic survival pleasures like everyone else, but if I pursued and reached awakening then without a doubt I would be happy, and not only would it make up for what i've been through, but my suffering would make the awakening and discovery of love SO much deeper and pure because only now can I truly appreciate it. What i've been through was hell, but I am so grateful for it all and I wouldn't change a thing. After knowing all of this, I don't have a problem at all staying positive and optimistic for the future even after all i've endured. So to answer your question from this post, like I said, look to spirituality. If you go on to just live a pretty normal life then I can't guarantee you'll be that happy, but if you pursue awakening then you will discover that all the suffering you've been through was actually the biggest blessing ever, and you will never have to worry about life not being worth the pain. Hopefully this helps. I want to leave you with some quotes on this topic as well: “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” - Carl Jung "When God loves people he afflicts them. If they endure with fortitude, he chooses them." - Rumi "The wailing of broken hearts is the doorway to God" - Rumi "for one slap there is an infinite reward" - Rumi

Love is the ultimate cure. There is no wound, pain, or hurt too deep for love to heal.

What do you mean? What specifically do you do?

That's awesome!!

I’m straight and I agree. Vaginas feel good but they aren't much to look at in my opinion lol. To me dicks look physically less ugly most of the time but i'm not sexually attracted to them at all

@RickyFitts wow, that's really nice!

I like that song 'flames, vast' and the coldplay song. They're really soothing. thanks for sharing!

@puporing

Life is just one giant love story...

"I once had a thousand desires, but in my one desire to know you, all else melted away." - Rumi "Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity. The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death. Tomorrow, when resurrection comes, the heart that is not in love will fail the test." - Rumi