Jai

Jul 30 Decent day. Had the day off but decided to work to contribute on a project and just take another day off next month. Felt good to get a lot done so I'm not too stressed about work. Might be leaving anyway. That's a big decision. I feel like I got to make it this weekend also. Other than that I've been having good morning sessions. Got to keep that a priority. + spiritual practice: good effort in the morning. also did a nice meditation at lunch. that was really nice to step aside during the day to recenter + attitude of service: good at work to contribute. also good when I came to my sisters house. found ways to be helpful. so real good effort there + mental and emotional states: definitely better. not in a lot of fear over the upcoming possible changes. just need to be in a place of trust which i'm working on / life habits: can be cleaner here. need to get back to waking up really early, eating a clean diet, etc. It's not horrible but I want to set a higher standard. also i'm not feeling really strong. my exercise needs to improve still moved forward today

Yes, I agree about the initial discomfort, it's over relatively quick and my body is used to it. After my body adapts to the cold I really enjoy the cold for awhile... especially just letting it run over my head. I think that gets really good blood flow to the brain and then after I feel so alert for meditation. Some time I'd like to also get into cold water immersion, but there isn't any place really close by for a swim. I did go in an alpine lake a couple weeks ago which was fantastic. Totally different sensation than a shower. Good to know I'm not the only one with mental resistance ? I also just feel so much stronger, prepared and ready after some cold exposure. I always say to that the mind that talks me into a cold shower is the mind that talks me out of a bad habit. If I can face the cold I can change anything else in my life. Be well! That kayaking looks amazing!

Jul 29 Decent day but also a big decision looming over work and I feel it. Not sure if I'm going to leave... but I'm leaning that way. Got to do some soul searching this weekend. Just trust God. Other than that a good day with contributions. A little agitated with work but also volunteered to work tomorrow even though I was off so just gonna take a different day off. Truth is we got a project that is pretty important so it's important that I get some stuff done tomorrow. The real big barrier though is I'm not really loving life. I've kinda been there and done that with what I'm doing. So I don't have a lot of excitement or enthusiasm. I want to be more pumped about my path. That's why I'm feeling a change coming on. Basically that's it. Want to have the best possible days and keep my commitment to God no matter what. I also have to realize that it is difficult to start over so I can't discount that. But I do want to take a weekend and decide. What I've pretty much always opted to do is to go for something new and different instead of stay in the same place. Anyway, my comittment to God is strong so I'll be okay. I really want to keep my daily spiritual practice forever. That's the kind of commitment I felt in my heart about 16 months ago. To never take my foot off the gas and to never let up. Just to day in and day out make spiritual growth a priority and I'm doing that. / Spiritual practice: okay, but woke up a little late and didn't have the greatest session. Was decent and better than some days so not bad. But the last few days I've had some really strong sessions. / attitude of service: good in action, volunteered to help a coworker that was nice. Still can improve what I call "outward energy". Still kinda in my own haead about the decision. Also not truly engaged with others. A day were I was and felt a little limited in action and not really putting myself out there / mental and emotional states: decent but not in deep focus during the day. Am not super intentful during hte day either. A couple months ago I had a really strong vision during the day and was really positive and motivated and ready to go / Life habits: same thing, okay but not great. Overall not a bad day, but didn't excel. I know I have a higher standard. Part of the problem is I really don't see a strong and clear path forward. Just gonna have to decide eventually and go for it. Still moved forward today

Jul 28 Decent day, had another work conversation. Feeling a little uncomfortable with the changes happening. It does kind of feel like I'm going to leave this job. I don't want to dwell on this now. I'm sure I'll journal about this this weekend. Instead gonna get some sleep and have a strong day tomorrow. Looks like I have Friday off as well. So with all of this I still had a pretty decent day. Just not as motivated and energized as last summer. I really see the difference. Last summer when I started this job I was pretty driven and pretty motivated. Now I'm just in a normalized routine and not feeling as energized. Even though my habits and lifestyle stuff is overall pretty good. I just pretty much see that this isn't the actual path I really see myself on long term. Anyway, all to journal about this weekend. + spiritual practice: really nice morning session again. I'm really keeping my daily commitment to God. I really mean it when I say this is a life long commitment. I never want to take time off from seeking connection with God through meditation and prayer. Day in and day out I want to make this an important part of my life. / Attitude of service: okay in action, not so great in spirit. didn't really have a true attitude of service today. deep down I want to do better and have this orientation toward the world that I want to contribute. so i want to improve that energy / mental and emotional states: not really in a lot of fear or turmoil, but not exactly positive and optimistic. Kinda just sitting with the changes and felt a little dull. / life habits: decent but not great. ate some processed food, slept in a little. but also had other good habits so mixed. still moved forward today

Jul 27 Good day all around today. Feel good about the conversation yesterday at work with a supervisor. Moving in a new direction, hopefully I can stay part time and be remote. Either way I feel it's time to move toward something new. It feels good to have already faced this and took a little action to find a solution. I'm okay with whatever at this point. Just got to accept that it was time to move in a new direction and that I was frustrated and in some fear and doubt. So today just felt good because there is relief I've accepted this. Had a good attitude at work. Felt more calm and focused. Savored the day a bit. So no doubt there will be difficulty ahead, there always is. Big thing is just keep my commitment to God and to my spiritual practice. Just really keep that as the focus of it all and the foundation. Trust that I'm on a good path and trusting God and things will work out for me. + spiritual practice: good morning session so i'm proud of that + attitude of service: got some good things done here today. good contribution at work, good effort, better orientation toward service and outward energy. not as stuck in self and my own problems + mental and emotional states: better today, more optimistic, more hopeful and connected. faced a difficult situation and now after I'm back to normal - feeling connected and directed toward God + life habits: pretty good all around

Jul 26 Didn't have an internet connection last night so reflecting back on the day the this morning. Good day. Lots of relief from talking with my supervisor. I definitely feel better. Yesterday morning I was in a lot of doubt and was restless. I didn't have a strong clarity, purpose, direction. It was a difficult topic to bring up with my supervisor but I'm glad the conversation went well. I talked about wanting to switch directions and study coding more. I discussed the possibility of working part time so I could put more time into coding and my supervisor was receptive which is nice. That was a relief, I don't think my team will be upset if I pursue this. Or even if I were to leave to do this. I thought that my team might be upset or confrontational over this which wasn't the case. So I'm glad about that. I was overly worried and it was in my head. It's because I do care about the impact of me going to do something else. So I'm glad it wasn't a big deal and I'm glad I had that conversation because I realized really clearly that I wouldn't want to just remain doing the same thing for the next year. It would be too static and I wouldn't grow. So I know I ahve to alter course a little and I'm glad that I had that conversation. I also said I wanted to be remote which is what I want with it. I want to get to some place warm before the winter comes. Anyway maybe this will happen or maybe I will just go do my own thing and find something else. But the good news is I can be on good terms with everyone at work which is really important to me. + spiritual practice: good morning session. I now have a good amount of time in the morning to really set myself up right. My morning spiritual time is so important for setting up the day. + attitude of service: improved here. better outward energy, felt better after discussing everythign with my supervisor. I felt good about that converation and I had renewed energy to contribute / metnal and emotional states: challenged in the morning with doubt and worry over my work situation and the conversation i was going to have. the day prior i was really focused and had good clarity but not in the morning. after the discussion felt good that I brought it up for discussion and felt good about the place i was at mentally. so sometimes difficult things come up to face + life habits: good here. really happy about the trajectory i'm on again. back doing good habits after feeling frustrated and lazy here and deviating from a solid path moved forward today

Journal session Today I'm in some doubt and feeling restless over a conversation I'd like to have with my bosses. I feel like transistioning to do something different. But I'm not sure what will happen. There is something safe about just staying and working and making money. And I don't like the feeling of starting over again either. There is also some worry over having a difficult conversation with my bosses. I'm definitely valuable to the team and I worry they'll be upset when I let them know I would like to leave. With a decision like this I'll never be 100% feeling good, just because it's difficult. The truth is I really don't see myself doing this forever and I'd prefer to not be here a whole year more. Over the past year I've put in really good effort, made good progress, so my peformance is good. There is some tension with a coworker, but with this I've put in effort to improve the relationship at work and communication but I've just accepted that it will never be perfect. Yesterday I felt a lot better about this, but today I'm not feeling great. It's the uncertainty over the future and the financial uncertainty as well. Just looking at it quick there are definitely some cons: having to start over, having to look for a job, how I feel when I'm starting over or looking for a job, feeling like I don't have the direction other people do, not being on a defined trajectory, not having that stable and reliable income that does feel good to work and cash a paycheck. But there are also pros: I know I'm not going to stay at this job forever so just getting on with it, being able to find a way to leave on great terms, not having to always try to improve a problematic communication/work relationship, being able to go do something different, being able to take some time to stay at a temple, being able to take some time to go live with a friend, maybe travel a little. The thing is that I do like working and saving money. So I'm sure I can work somewhere. It's just how I feel about this. I definitely don't have the normal work/corporate career trajectory. I can't seem to force myself to stick with something and climb the ladder. so that's the difficulty I have. But maybe that's just also me. I know if I work I can feed myself so that's good. So going to take a little time during the day and then schedule a call with my bosses I think and to have an honest discussion about this.

Smartphones, internet, etc seems to be really addictive and is really common that people get distracted by these. As good as my spiritual practice is and as much discipline as I have, I get sucked into this from time to time. Usually when I'm feeling a little off, uncertain, or in self pity. I find myself checking dumb news sites or things like that on my phone. In the past I've had a phone box where I would put it in there. Or just turn it off. But like you said, same thing with a computer. It's there to be distracted by. Tough to find an optimal use for sure. And where it's makes my life better. Often times checking the internet, watching videos, etc makes me feel dirty after. It can be a dirty type of entertainment that drains me a little of life. Problem is at the same time it can be a great resource. Hard to find the sweet spot I guess

I'm a big believer in Wim Hof breathing and cold showers. I've been consistent with this for awhile and get great benefit. It's funny but the cold showers still aren't easy for me, there's always mental pushback. And right now the water is relatively warm since it's July. That January water is so cold. How natural is it for you to get in the cold showers? Do you have any pushback? What do you tell yourself? Sometimes I just say to myself that this is going to be the toughest thing I do today, or steal Wim's "the cold is a merciless yet righteous teacher". Things like that. I love the breathing though - my meditation after is much better and more easily focused.

Jul 25 Well it feels like I'm making a change with work. Gonna sleep on it, pray and meditate in the morning and then have a conversation with my boss. I'm going to see if there's a way to transistion out of this role while still being fair to them and setting them up for success after i leave. maybe go down to part time. I've kind of felt this for a bit, there's been some fear and doubt. Right now i feel a little unsettled. That's just how it is. I have some fear over starting over, fear over what's next. but at the same time I also feel like I definitely do not want to settle in to what I'm doing, that I'm being pushed in another direction. So I want to have a lot of faith in God, faith that things will work out. Faith that I can trust my instincts. I've been seeking God diligiently for over a year. Day in and day out I'm taking action to bring God into my life. So I have to trust to a certain extent that I'm walking a good path and have a good trajectory. So I can face the future confidently. It's just I've never had a "normal" life, never really fit in to the normal 9-5 work the same job for years. So I'm a little fearful that I'm not going to have enough money, and that I'm not as secure in life as if I were to do that. So I did that for a year and it's been nice, but I can't climb the ladder. I want to do something else, maybe learn coding more, travel a bit. Work some more also. I think I really want to work, but not with what I'm doing now. So the big thing is just leaving on good terms. Making sure I transition well, am fair to them, set them up for success so that they are pleased with my effort. + spiriutal practice: another really strong morning session. it was fantastic. extended meditation and prayer session. going for the same thing tomorrow. + attitude of service: pretty decent here, good outward energy, looking to contribute. had some good conversations today + mental and emotional states: mostly positive, despite journing about some doubts here i've been mostly in faith today, mostly optimisic. so i want to keep building that + life habits: better here, some progress. I want to keep this up more moved forward today solid day of effort trying to connect to God. want to keep that up

Jul 24 Interesting day. I had a really strong meditation and chanting session in the morning after doing wim hof breathing. That made me feel more connected and solid. Felt nice to have a longer weekend session. Lately my weekend session have been lacking. I've been in sort of a funk of doubt, self pity, fear, etc. And this has impacted my spiritual life. So it was good to have a nice session. I need it most when times are difficult, but when times are difficult sometimes it's easy to sink in to complacency since I don't have the strong vision and clarity. For awhile I was ultra motivated and it felt good. I want to get back there so I have to try and do that even though I don't have a clear goal for the time being. I've been struggling with some bad habits as a result of the doubt. Unfortanately that's what happens sometimes when I'm tested, I turn to bad habits for comfort when I need good habits more than ever. Good news is I'm on my way out of the funk. Another good thing today is I'm staying away from porn. That's my ideal. I want to set a high standard. I've gone a long time without watching porn in the past- 15 months, a year, etc. I've done long spans of retention also and there is a lot of benefit to sexual discipline. The discipline there is so difficult that it spreads to other areas of life. The problem recently is I watched porn a handful of times which isn't good. So today was a nice victory because I felt an impulse to do this and just didn't. It has to do with the high standard I'm setting for myself and because of the lack of respect I have for myself when I do that. So with this I want that behavior to be beneath me. It really just comes down to not indulgin in a bad habit when I feel off or down. I definitely want to keep this area of my life clean and to have discipline here. I know there are good things overall coming if I clean up bad habits. + spiritual practice: really nice session todya, something to be proud of. I want to repeat this tomorrow. + attitude of service: better here, better outward energy, not as much stuck in self / mental and emotional states: decent here. still not in the place of optimism that I want to be. Still some doubt about what to do with work and the future, so that trips me up. But improvement over where I've been / life habits: pretty good overall. should be getting up on an alarm on weekends. It's okay to sleep extra but the lack of an alarm at all makes me just lazy to get out of bed. It's better to set an alarm and then take a nap later moved forward today

Jul 23 Okay day but not at the level I'd like to be. Days off can sometimes be like that. The intensity is a little lower so I lose the urgency to really get the most out of the day. Languished a bit in worry about what I'm going to do with my life. Some of the uncertainty has tested my faith some for sure. I feel a little fearful and also uncomfortable. I feel like I'm kind of living a little trapped and that what I'm doing now definitely isn't what I want to be doing much longer. But then I also feel that I'm not really sure of what else to do and I don't want to start over from zero again. So it's kind of exhausting to tell the truth. But I do want to stay positive, stay in faith and keep bringing God into my life. - spiritual practice: really weak session today. Lack of a goal, lack of something to really work for like I had with studying has had a negative impact here. Boredom and free time doesn't exactly help me. Funny how this affects my spiritual practice + Attitude of service: good example here of helping to cut the cake at a get together. I was all over that. So that was good. Although not great outward energy today - mental and emotional states: not where I want to be. Not a horrible day, but also not in the solid territory of optimism and positivity. Was tested today as I'm in some doubt - life habits: not so great, bad diet choices, distracted use of the phone, etc. still moved forward somewhat. I was so strong when I was studying and really giving 100%. I probably just need to get back to working toward somehting. Might be time for a second job.

Jul 22 Another solid day today. Now that I've stopped studying 2 hours in the morning I have a lot of time for meditation and prayer. Such a nice way to start my day. Today I think I spent like 40 minutes in meditation and breathwork. Just a nice open ended session. No rush or trying to box it in. It's really the highlight of my morning. I never gave up a spiritual practice but when I was studying 2 hours before work studying was the focus. Now it's really just getting more connected. This was the formula that worked so well before I went hardcore into studying. I like studying but I can't work 40 hours a week on a computer and study 15-20 hours on a computer, I get too burnt out. So now going back to basics to just get more positive and connected. I really need this now because work has been frustrating and my relationship with a supervisor has been tense. I'm working hard and contributing, but I'm frustrated and it shows. So need to improve that. Part of me really wants to move on and eventually I will. But for now need to just make the best of it. + spiritual practice: good here. really nice session today. the goal is really significant and meaningful prayer and meditation. so did that today. didn't rush it or just check a box. really set aside time. nice not studying so much and investing in God / attitude of service: good in action, not so great in my attitude. the frustration has gotten me away from being oriented toward service. I'm just feeling not as authentic here. part of this i also think has to do with a lack of gratitude. so need to improve here + mental and emotional states: for the most part good here. a little bit of doubt though about the future, so i want to get back to a place of true optimism + life habits: pretty good today moved forward today

The title here caught my attention. I've been trying to really stay active and motivated for over a year and have been pretty successful at making daily progress. The key for me is putting God first and always taking time to give to prayer, meditation, review no matter what. I try to never take days off from that. That's the foundation and then after that it's just build good habits, contribute some, stay positive, believe that if I keep working good things will happen. That's my strategy here... I hope it keeps working! I've been in a bit confusion myself because I see myself changing jobs eventually - but as long as I keep God first and keep doing productive things I'll be good.

Jul 21 Good effort today. I'm off Friday so that is also good. I'm building up momentum and starting to feel at ease with impending changes. I definitely know that there is a change coming eventually. But I want to be patient and not act in haste. I also saw that the pace at which I was going wasn't sustainable with studying. It's good to know what 100% looks like though. Now for the next month or so I'm going to really invest in God. Really get squared away and get that connection back like I had for most of last year. Definitely also need to recognize gratitude in my life. I've been too critical and judgmental at work. So I'm at fault for some of the frustration for sure. I want to chill a bit and be more grateful and start enjoying work some more. Giving time to God in the morning will help with that. Eventually I'll also get a clear vision for the future and the direction to head in. + spiritual practice: good morning session today. want to get up a bit earlier though to have even more time for this and to get some good exercise in before meditation and prayer. each day need to give my life to God / mental and emiotional states mostly good but got really frustrated. that was definitely a negative. i need to chill some, say what i actually think so i don't get frustrated. can't take work too seriously where I get frustrated. other than that I'm in a better spot than before / attitude of service: good in action but not truly in a service atttitude all day. the frustration got to me and that is something that held me back + life habits: better here and on the right track. should keep this up moved forward today

Jul 20 Another good day overall although I feel upset at work and tension. I'm glad I'm taking a break from studying to refresh some and feel more energized. That's been working. So my overall effort is good but I'm missing the focus at work and the positivity. I kind of want out of there and to do something different. This has me feeling tense and it's noticeable. I need to really just keep the best attitude possible. This has been the one area of difficulty lately. So I want to keep bringing my good attitude daily. Good energy, prepping before work to become spiritually fit, and then just trying to contribute. I have to avoid being critical. I'm at fault there. I also need to just say yes and just work and do stuff. + spiritual practice: back where I want it to be, feeling more energized here with significant and meaningful effort. This morning meditation and prayer time is special. important to invest here and hold off on studying so much. I want to get dialed in spiritually more / attitude of service: good in action but resentful at work and feeling off there + mental and emotional states: definitely better here. feeling more positive and capable. bad habits sink this quick. that's just a rule, bad habits sink my outlook on life. so just need to avoid bad habits + life habits: better here overall. can still improve some on getting up on alarm. tough thing is i don't fall asleep easily so i fee like I need more sleep moved forward today

Jul 19 Good forward momentum today. Finally feel back on track after a several week hiatus. Definitely feel a good trajectory for tomorrow. Really the only negative spot is uncomfortability at work. I just feel tense sometimes. Probably a sign that it's time to consider doing something else. But the problem on my end is being judgmental and resentful. Even if I end up leaving I want to leave with an attitude of service. unfortunately I've been falling short here and have had some harsh thoughts toward a coworker. Nothign horrible, but just resentment and being judgmental. So I want to turn to God to improve this. I also want to keep discipline in my sex ideal. Discipline there goes a long way. Falling short here over the last couple of weeks has cost me. That is a big reason for my complacency. But I'm on the right track now which feels good. + spiritual practice: great morning session, not studying in the morning so now i have extra time. had a great session and start to the day. Going to repeat this tomorrow / attitude of service: decent outward energy here, decent effort at work, so good in action and pretty good in thought but I want to have more enthusiasm in my heart and to get excited about life and putting out real service energy + mental and emotional states: much better here, more confident, more ready to go + life habits also better here. finally had a day of clean habits and discipline after several weeks of complacency moved forward today

Jul 18 Better day today also. Got to start a streak here. Tomorrow will be good, I'll get back to work and get moving some. Gonna get up early and get a good workout in and get a solid meditation in as well. I need clean habits and to be no porn. If I fall short I end up in a funk and get negative. Need to get excited about life again and to live in gratitude. I've been worn down from being burnt out and then i turned to bad habits unfortunately. Now I'm starting to get oriented again properly. Looking forward to the week and getting back to good habits. - spiritual practice: weak job on meditation/prayer today. tomorrow morning gonna have a good session / attitude of service: better job in the afternoon with having outward energy / mental and emotional states: better in the afternoon but in doubt in the morning + life habits: better on diet and exercise today. looking to improve here moved forward some today which is good. just need to get the momentum going again. I'm really sensitvie to deviations and bad habits. Need to really have a high level of discipline to do my best.

Jul 17 Better day today overall. Better habits although I can improve the diet. I want to get really strong discipline back. I also want to get more optimistic about the future and make progress toward building a nice future. Lately I've had some doubt and uncertainty about my trajectory but I want to get excited again. The big thing is just getting on a winning streak like I had been for 3 months. So today was a good start to that. I also just want to stay busy. I'm thinking about working a second job to save more money and stay busy. Now that I'm taking a break from coding I want to get excited and motivated more. So work will be part of that I think. Maybe pick up some odd jobs or something like that. / spiritual pracitce: did a morning session but didn't do an afternoon one + attitude of service: better outward energy here so that's an improvement. not as stuck in my own worries and problems / mental and emotional states: definitely an improvement, but not where I want to be. Need to clean up my habits so this also improves / life habits: okay but bad diet decisions so want to improve there. good exercise today though moved forward today

Jul 16 I've missed days doing a review over the last 3 or so weeks. Maybe 2-4 days missed which isn't good. The entire last year plus I think I missed 2 days. I want to recommit to taking my spiritual life seriously by reviewing my day and my progress. A big part of the slump I'm in is the fact that I've watched porn a few times after going 90+ days no porn and also retention. So that discipline I'm missing and I need to get back. So that is a factor. Another factor is some difficulty at work and uncertainty about what I want to do in the future. For a long time I was working on coding and making good progress I'm proud of. I've taken a break after getting really burnt out. I really pushed myself to the max. But it was too much screen time between work and coding and I got burned out. What was nice about that was I was pretty motivated and directed so I'm missing the motivation and determination I had. Making progress there gave me incentive to be disciplined. So now I just need to pick something else out and work toward it. / Spiritual practice: okay morning session, but can do better. tomorrow want to do better / attitude of service: good in action, was directly helpful to someone today so that felt really good. but unfortunately stuck in self and my own problems which is a direct result of bad habits that dragged me down - mental and emotional states: decent start to the day, but didn't finish strong. I'm in a lot of doubt, worry, fear, self pity, etc. I don't like this neighborhood but I've been hanging out here for the last 3 weeks. - life habits: negative here. watched porn again because I feel lonely. this is just letting myself down and not living up to the high standard I want to live up to didn't really move forward today.

jul 14 Made more progress today and back on the right track. Still not all clean habits but some improvement. Looking forward to getting back to my place where I have better discipline. Whenever I visit my sister I end up snacking a lot and letting my diet get weak. I did go to the temple again to meditate which was nice. Sat and chanted and meditated for 50 minutes. Still feeling a little unmotivated at work since I feel a change coming on. Also not studying since I burnt out. I do better at work when I'm really motivated and engaged. So this week I'm going to build momentum and next week get back to really strong habits. Gonna up my exercise and activity. Also going to get motivated about looking for work and other opportunities. Really try to find something, go remote at this job, or go part time so I can study full time. Not easy to figure things out but I want to make progress on a lot fo fronts. + spiritual practice : good morning session. Something about getting up really early to go to the temple and chant and meditate with the monks great way to start a day. It's been a great week. / attitude of service: can do better at work. not the best energy at work. + mental qnd emotional states: Progress with a little more in faith and a little less in self pity and doubts. So was more optimistic and better energy here / life habtis: okay in some areas but not the discipline i want. moved forward but I want my "break" to be over. I've let up on the intensity and indulged in some bad habits and its cost me some. i'm just less energized and motivated. so time to get back to it. especially with looking at options. that will get me going some more.

Jul 12 Made some progress today and feel better. I've definitely have had some unwillingness and have been in a funk. So today I felt like I made the first real effort to move forward and get out of it. so that felt good. I'm used to consistent effort and good performance so when I don't have it I miss it and really feel it. I definitely felt down the last days. So got to day in and day out keep with what works. Going to the temple and chanting and meditating for 60 minutes is a great way to start the day. I want to also have better effort at work and have a better attitude. All of this will take some more consistency. So just building some momentum. One of the big areas is diet recently. I haven't been eating that clean now that I'm at my sisters house. I'm snacking a lot. So I'm kinda looking forward to being back home where I don't have any junk food. + Spiritual practice: good session at the temple. wish i had this opportunity all of the time / attitude of service: met with some friends and had a good orientation here. still could do better at work though / mental and emotional states: finished the day strong and much better overall. not where I want to be but still good overall / life habits: still not where i want to be, especially with diet. moved forward today

jul 11 It's been an odd 20 or so days. Haven't been performing at my best. So I definitely want to change that. I had some stress and frustration at work and that threw me off some. I've felt disconnected and haven't been in gratitude. I've also fallen back into less than ideal habits. So I want to get back to what works. Last couple days there have been some good signs, but also have fallen short. Kinda glad to be working again tomorrow so I can get a strong schedule. Still going to wake up really early and go to the temple before work to meditate and chant. The big thing is also just not watching porn and staying away from that. Discipline there carries over to every other area of life. Beyond that I'm setting my sights to what looks like making a change. Maybe as early as September/October. That has been stressful as well. There has been some fear and doubt lately as I haven't faced this as strong as I can. So that's why I want to get my habits really clean and get my momentum going again. I do feel like it might be time for a change and to start prepping and planning for that. + spiritual practice: good here another 60 minute session at the temple + attitude of service: good here, always looking for things to do at the temple. Also cleaned my sister's house some - mental and emotional states: not good here, off again and not focused and motivated - life habits: made some bad choices. when one bad choice creeps in its a lot easier to indulge in other bad choices. so I want to counter this tomorrow and liver really clean tomorrow. mixed day, definitely not a clear day of progress so have to do better

Jul 10 Another tough day. Got off to a good start, but also was just lazy with habits. Part of it is I think I'm just feeling like a change is coming on and I'm in a bit of fear over it. So I've sunk into some bad habits for distraction. So just got to get back on the right track. Some decent things today, but I know I can do much better. Just need to stay committed to what works. I've been really consistent over the past year and I need to keep it up even though the newness has worn off. Another big thing is just getting better at not falling into bad habits and weakness when I'm feeling down or faced with adversity. + spiritual practice: 60 minute meditation at the temple so good effort here / attitude of service: good in action, did really good with doing some thoughtful things, but was stuck in self and my own head today. Poor outward energy - mental and emotional states: really a negative here. definitely wasn't in my normal and preferred place of positivity, optimism, focus. Was scattered and in doubt - life habits: for the most part subpar. Not where I need to be Cant really say I moved forward today

Jul 9 Another more difficult day just shows the necesity of having to get back on track with good habits and spiritual progress. I burned out a couple weeks ago and let my foot off of the gas which was needed. Problem is I fell back into bad habits and used it as an excuse to indulge. Now it's time to get back to what works and move toward optimal living. So it's a lot of discipline, effort, sacrifice and putting god and spiritual growth first. Good thing is tomorrow I'm waking up early to go to the temple and meditate and chant with the monks. I definitely want to get away from porn. even just watching a little unplugs me spiritually. I just turn to it because I'm lonely and would like to date some and meet a girl. I also just got weak in other areas also. My exercise hasn't been good, been sleeping in some, basically I burnt out after really going all out for 3 months. I want to get back to what works and get my confidence and optimsm back. / spirtual practice: okay session today - attitude of service: stuck in self, not really dialed in, mentally focused on my own problems - mental and emotional states: definitely a negative here. not in a place of confidence or optimism. this happens when I indulge in bad habits. i sink some. especially if i watch porn. it just throws me off. so i want to get some momentum tomorrow - life habits: weak here. didn't take a cold shower today, just felt weak. need to strengthen up didn't move forward, just stagnated.