Jai

Sep 15 Mixed day. Good effort in the morning and good effort at work. Only problem is that I ended up watching porn. I think I'm just feeling kind of lonely and disconnected. And kind of unwilling to put in a bunch of effort in that area. Anyway so that was the down part of my day. I want to bounce back tomorrow obviously. Also need to look at what is my ideal and the direction i want to head in. Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session so good effort here Attitude of service* Pretty good at work and in general. But got stuck in self some from falling into a bad habit Mental and emotional states* Mostly good until I watched porn. After that just felt kind of let down Sex energy* Fail here. I want to get back to being really clean here Cold exposure* Nice cold shower, felt really good. Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Always can improve here Exercise* Good today Not the best day. Some good things but a fail with watching porn negates it. Can't really say I moved forward with that habit

Sep 14 Good day all around. Got off oto a good start and had a good day at work. Good energy and good optimism. So had strong habits today and actions as well. Just riding out the rest of this week helping a friend at his work. After that going to study full time and see what happens. Not too much else to say. Daily spiritual practice* Nice morning session to start things off. Best way to start the day. Looking forward to my spiritual practice once I'm studying full time since it will be a little more open ended. Attitude of service* Good here. When I was biking to work I offered to help a guy push his car that was broke down but he was able to get it started. It's good I had the attitude of willingess to be helpful. Also just being helpful around the home whenever I can. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Playing on offense and doing my best. Sex Energy* Decent here. Back on retention which is good. Had some mental distraction here but still did okay today Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Pretty good after work and going on a bike ride Eat clean* Good here. My diet has been really strong. I have newfound discipline and willingess and I'm eating really clean and not diverting. I'm also never really hungry that much during the day. Phone & computer habits* Needs improvement. I find myself wandering and checking my phone too much. Probably should just turn it off when I don't need it. Exercise* Worked all day and biked to work so good here. Moved forward today

Sep 13 A really strong day all around. Had really strong habits and bounced back after falling short yesterday. Felt good to bounce back strong. I got a bunch of studying done and a bunch of work done also. So I was really deliberate today and it paid off. I really had a strong intention and got good momentum. So a big improvement from yesterday. Studying coding went well. It's going to take a long time to get really good but i'm on my way. This week I'm working a bunch and then after Friday I'm pretty much open to focus on studying only for awhile. Daily spiritual practice* Really solid morning session. Probably do a shorter session now as well Attitude of service* Better outward energy today, was helpful around the house. So a good job here Mental and emotional states* Good here. Good improvement. Was playing on offense today and back on the side of being engaged and positive Sex energy* Improvement from yesterday. Started retention again. Maybe a weekly retention pattern is best for long term instead of building this energy too high. I do want to harness this though. I see how well I do with other habits and practices. This is the strongest though so if I can really get this aligned then I'll be good. Cold exposure* Really nice cold shower in the morning Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but need to improve Exercise* Really good here, run, push ups, stretching moved forward today

Sep 12 Another off day although I did get some good things done. on the positive side I got some good exercise in and I got some decent studying and work in as well although I could've done more if I were more efficient. On the negative side I ended up watching porn. I go no porn for like a month and then I watch porn for a day or two. I just end up back there becasue I'm lonely and not motivated to actually go meet girls. I really want to fix my finances and I'm exhausted with talking to girls and just putting in numbers trying to meet a girl. So I do fine for a month and then get a lot of sexual energy and get lonely. Anyway so I fell short in that area today. It's frustrating and I'll feel down for a bit but I'll be back on the right track soon. The point is not to deviate once a month in this area in the first place. Really that is the only negative thing. Maybe I do need to make it a habit to go out and try to meet someone and put in some effort. Good news is I'm excited about tomorrow, tomorrow is another opportunity for growth. I'm going to get a bunch done and get back to the habits I know work best. I'm also excited about being able to really study full time. I'm prepping to put in maximum effort in to this starting in like 5 days. I'll have a really free schedule to do my best. Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session here. Attitude of service* Stuck in self some but also was helpful around the house which was good. Mental and emotional states* Not where I want to be. Not the greatest clarity or focus. I was off today from watching porn and just felt out of it some. I want to get back to being really motivated and optimistic Sex energy* Failed here by watching porn. I want to get back to retaining energy. Might have to think about what is the best release schedule - full retention for long periods seems to throw me off. Once a week might work so I don't get too tightly wound Cold exposure* Good here, was able to face the cold Eat clean* Good here, diet is strong Phone & computer habits* Bad with the porn, pretty much okay with everything else Exercise* Good here did push ups and went on a nice run Stalled out today with bad habits

Sep 11 A tougher day today. I've been on a nice streak overall. today was a day off of work and I slept in some and that kind of got me off to a slow start. Was really distracted by sex energy and didn't have a bunch of focus. I did end up getting some stuff done but I didn't have the greatest productivity that I'm used to or the greatest drive. I ended up breaking my retention streak which is okay I guess. It mellowed me out some. I did have a better afternoon. I have been visited a little more by doubt today. I really want to stay energized and motivated. So not the end of the world since I'm still having mostly good days and every once in awhile there will be an off one. So tomorrow I'd like to have a little more focus and drive. Daily spiritual practice* Good here, had a really solid meditation Attitude of service* Tried to be helpful around the house. But was stuck with not the best outward energy. Kind of stuck in my own head today Mental and emotional states* Dipped into a little negativity and doubt. Was also distracted by sex energy so not the best day in this area No porn / retention* Broke my retention streak, but that's okay since I didn't watch porn I guess Cold exposure* Good cold shower today Eat clean* good here Phone & computer habits* very distracted here. not the best. didn't watch porn but was checking out some other questionable sites Exercise* did some stretching which is good. kind of a neutral day - made some forward progress but also i felt like i was stalled out

Sep 10 A good day and glad I have an off day tomorrow to study. Feeling a little distracted though also. I've been doing retention for awhile and that energy is running high. Still solid day all around. I've come out here to keep moving forward and win. I definitely think I'm off to a good start and I'd like to keep it that way. So tomorrow going to sleep in a little bit and then get some studying done and work at my remote job. Beyond that also going to just have a solid day and set aside some really good time for meditation and prayer. Daily spiritual practice* Good effort here. Solid morning session, will do a shorter session now Attitude of service* Good here also. Trying to be helpful in general. Mental and emotional states* Mostly in a good spot all day. Some fear came up about not being where I'd like to be work and money life. But I'm on a good trajectory. Really all I have to do is keep this up. No porn / retention* Distracted here. Toward the afternoon felt more and more distracted. I'd like to improve this tomorrow and keep a greater focus. I won't be on a retention streak forever but I still want to go a little longer. Cold exposure* Good here. Feeling strong in the cold water Eat clean* REally good here Phone & computer habits* Afternoon i got sucked into my phone. I shouldn't even have it with me at times. Exercise* Great job at work and biked home. Also got some stretching in. Moved forward today

Sep 9 Another solid day. Good habits and good productivity. Putting in good effort all around which I like. I got a little bit of everything done which is nice. Was able to have a second meditation session also. Did a good job of getting in stretching too. My good habits are really taking over. I'm also starting to see with more clarity the path I'm on. I'm not in fear and I'm just trusting that things will work out. That's exactly what I should be doing. I'm still doing WHM and seeing a lot of benefit. This February will be 2 years I've been practicing that really consistently day in and day out. Big thing now is just keeping my momentum up. I want to keep my connection and confidence really high. I want to see the future as opportunity and just do my best to build a nice life and trust that I'm on a good path. Daily spiritual practice* Good sessions today. I'm pretty much instantly settling in to a good place for meditation Attitude of service* Good outward energy, trying to be helpful at work and around the house. Mental and emotional states* Where I should be. Living a day at a time and keeping my focus on staying connected and positive. Not distracted at all today. Just in a good spot all around. No porn / retention* Good here. I have a good amount of energy reserve with retention now. Almost at two weeks I'd say. Cold exposure* Good cold shower in the morning. I'm on a good streak of not taking any hot water. I want to keep this going. I'm really enjoying the cold recently Eat clean* Good here also, not making any compromises Phone & computer habits* One time today got really distracted by my phone, other than that good. Exercise* Good job stretching, biked to work also. Moved forward today

Sep 8 Really strong day. Worked all day. Got up early to get some spiritual time in and prep. So solid day all around. Not much else to say other than worked like 12 hours. Going to get up early tomorrow as well to make sure I have spiritual time. It's so important for me. Daily spiritual practice* Made time for a session Attitude of service* Tried to be helpful at work and contribute Mental and emotional states* Good here, on the positive side of things No porn / retention* Benefitting from having the reserve energy from retention Cold exposure* Fantastic cold shower outside Eat clean* Diet is doing good Phone & computer habits* No time to waste today so this wasn't an issue Exercise* Rode my bike to work, and then worked a physical job today moved forward today

Sep 7 Really strong day again. All my habits have kind of lined up. I'm feeling pretty connected and off to a great start in California. First I keep investing in a morning spiritual practice which is nice. I've been doing some open ended sessions which I prefer. Tomorrow got to be at work at 6:45 so got to wake up at 4:30 to be able to get a good session in. It's definitely worth it and it's good that I prioritize this. Other than that made progress with getting my mariner's credential/passport. Felt good to do all the steps and submit that. I think all I have to do now is wait. Might take like 30 - 45 days I think. Also did some coding which was good. so all around a solid day. I've been stretching more as well which is my weakness fitness wise. I'd really like to get better flexibility. Besides all of that just feeling like I'm on a good trajectory. That's what I need to remind myself - that I'm really doing good work and heading to good places. I want to really carry around optmism. Daily spiritual practice* Really good here. Attitude of service* Was definitely helpful when I could be. Trying to do things around the house and also trying to be friendly to people in life and carry a good vibe Mental and emotional states* Good here, playing on offense the whole day No porn / retention* Good here also. My energy level here is high so I'm having the benefit of retention. This discipline helps a lot also Cold exposure* Something feels really fantastic about showering outside. Something about it just makes me feel strong and in the elements. Eat clean* Big improvement from a couple weeks ago. Feels good to be really clean here. Phone & computer habits* Better today, still catching myself on my phone but it's limited. Want to eliminate even these deviations. Exercise* Did stretching sessions in morning and evening. Also good run and bike ride. I'm feeling fit for sure. Moved forward today

Sep 6 Another good day. Good habits, good spiritual practice, good work and getting things done. So I was productive and feeling good. Life isn't really exciting and there isn't anything crazy fun going on but I'm having solid days and building a nice future. So everything is moving nicely. I'm overall pretty well connected and in faith. I would like to get my enthusiasm and love for life back up again. I guess I just need to pick what to do and go for it. In the past I have had some strong visions about what I wanted and went for it. I think the same thing here I need. just a really strong vision of who I want to become and to really go for it 100%. I've been enjoying coding more so maybe that's the path. Whatever I do I'd like to do 100% and be confident of what I'm doing. So got to do something that I think will improve my life. Right now I have like 3 options for this so I'd like to just go for one. I guess now I'm just seeing which one emerges. But today was another solid day. Just staying busy. The only thing I really want is a deep conviciton of what I'm doing is good and that I'm on the right path. I want to get a love of life and a bunch of enthusiasm and to have that be evident. To really go after life with 100%. I've had that in the past and now I want that again. Just gonna have to pick and go for it. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. A really robust morning session with chanting. this is the foundation and my day always starts out strong. Attitude of service* Good outward energy. Looking for little ways to be helpful. Still would like to get more enthusiasm though. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Mostly positive. Never really dipped into negativity at all. So this is where I want to be connected and confident No porn / retention* Good here for the most part. Since my energy is high here I feel distracted from time to time. Cold exposure* Nice outdoors shower. Something about showering outside with the garden hose feels natural. It makes me feel really alive. Eat clean* Really good here. Diet is back in place. No processed foods, fully vegan. Not getting hungry during the day. Eating one big meal at night with smaller meals during the day. Phone & computer habits* Overall better here. Always can be improved. Exercise* This is a highlight recently. I'm feeling really strong and fit. I see how important it is to make time for this. moved forward today

Sep 5 A really solid day. I got a bunch of coding practice in which was fun. I'm definitely getting the fundamentals down more. I'm having fun again after a break. So it felt really rewarding today and felt like I'm making progress. Still a long term goal but making progress is good of course. Sometimes I have some doubts about this but it's important to remember how far I've come. It's also important to remember I've had some big accomplishments in the past. So if I'm in doubt I can remember that over time I can do it. Also a pretty solid day all around with habits. Good discipline and felt connected. So I'm off to a great start in my new location and I want to keep this up. Daily spiritual practice* Another really solid morning session. Need to find a way to keep this going when I'm working more. Attitude of service* Good outward energy, good contributions also. Been staying on top of small things. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Felt capable and connected. Starting to settle in to better focus. Mostly always positive over the last few days No porn / retention* Mostly good here. Definitely being distracted though. This energy is high. Ended up checking out some questionable sites even though I didn't fap. Got to stay away from anything questionable. Cold exposure* Great morning shower. Showered outside with the garden hose. That's my new thing. Eat clean* Really strong diet today. Ate light all day to keep energy high Phone & computer habits* In free time checking dumb websites. That's not the way to go. need to implement better habits Exercise* Fantastic all around. Starting stretching more which is my weak spot moved forward today

Sep 4 Good day here again. Took an off day from running in the morning but still went on a short bike ride in the afternoon. Ready to get up and run tomorrow for sure. Also did some good stretching today which I want to make a regular thing. My flexibility definitely isn't very good so it would be nice to improve that. Morning meditation was solid as always. Chanting regularly now and doing a good job all around on my spiritual practice. That's basically it for my habits. i did get 5 hours of coding in which was nice. It felt good to make progress there. It was fun and interesting and I felt a little excited. I know it will get more difficult but if I keep engaged I'll do well. I want to keep going with that and see what happens. Overall I just need to trust God on the trajectory of my life. Just trust that things will work out and keep a solid desire to do God's will. I want to stay away from the doubt and the fear and just stay connected. I'm off to a great start here. Every day I'm putting in good effort and living really clean. So I want to keep that up 100%. Eventually I'll get clarity on which option to go for. The best I can do is really keep improving my life. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Really nice morning session as always. I want to keep this really strong. Attitude of service* good here also. pretty good outward energy, not overly stuck in self. trying to be helpful around the house Mental and emotional states* Mostly where I want to be. Engaged and connected. Mostly positive and on offense. Really only things holding me back are feeling lonely from time to time and comparing my situation and feeling behind. Really need to avoid those things No porn / retention* Good here although the energy is high now after a week of retention and I feel distracted by this. Cold exposure* Good cold shower in the morning first thing. Eat clean* Good here. Really happy with the new discipline. This has cleaned itself up since I moved out here. Phone & computer habits* Mostly good, but just found myself wandering on youtube which is the worst. Not for long but still. I need to have a purpose on the internet or else it's detrimental Exercise* Good here for an off day. Still did some moved forward today

Sep 3 A pretty solid day. Woke up early and had a great morning session all around. Exercise, meditation, prayer, cold shower, etc. Great start to the day. Then I got a bunch done with coding which was fun. I'm glad I was having fun coding again and that it was interesting. So I want to keep that up. I have a bunch of free time now to code so I want to enjoy that more. I also got some work done and ran some errands so overall pretty productive. In the evening went to a meeting and saw some old friends. That was nice. It had me feeling really nostalgic though. It's been 7 years since I've lived here and a lot of time has passed. I've changed a bunch and I've gotten older and feel a little older. I want to get more energized and excited about life. One of the big things is I just want to know what I want to do and just go for it. When I was younger I knew exactly what it was I wanted to do and I went and did it. I want the same vision now. I'd like to have a really strong vision on what to do. Just know it and commit 100%. Right now I'm really considering like 3 different options, eventually I just need to choose and give it 100%. The bigger goal is saving money and building a nice future. So it's how I'm going to get there. Being back is kind of like visiting a past life of mine. It feels different. Each day I just want to keep my effort up and my habits strong. Just keep growing toward God's ideal for me as much as I can. Daily spiritual practice* really good here again Attitude of service* was helpful at the meeting and cleaned up coffee someone had spilled. Also I was pretty helpful around the house. Pretty good outward energy Mental and emotional states* Good here, mostly positive and connected. This evening a little nostalgic and melancholy which happens from time to time No porn / retention* good here and on a good streak. This energy is building again Cold exposure* Really nice cold shower. Tomorrow going to shower outside with the garden hose lol Eat clean* Good here also, my diet has gotten better Phone & computer habits* Better here today. Avoided for the most part distraction Exercise* Another great day here. I'm happy for this and want to keep this up moved forward today

Daily spiritual practice* Attitude of service* Mental and emotional states* No porn / retention* Cold exposure* Eat clean* Phone & computer habits* Exercise* Sep 2 Good day all around. Got off to another great start by getting up early, going for a run, cold shower, meditation, prayer, chanting practice. Best way to start the day. I was also productive in running some errands and filling the day with mostly good habits. Generally felt pretty connected and in faith. Toward the end of the day a little doubt has crept in, but not all that much. Feel good about things and will trust that things will work out. I have a few different opportunities and it will be interesting to see which one emerges. Need to have faith here. Really the only true difficulty is feeling a little lonely from time to time. When this happens I feel like I'm not on the right track even though I think I'm doing really good overall. Big priority is really just getting my money situation straight and work on really building this. So out here I want to be on my best behavior with my habits, lifestyle, spiritual practice. I really need to keep a high standard. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Even did a second evening meditation. Gonna start putting a little more into the ceremony also before and after meditation. Want to start bringing my gong outside to meditate. Attitude of service* Good here, was helpful around the house generally. I want to look to do more also. So tomorrow I'll ask about this. It's nice having a roommate and staying at a house so I want to do my part. Good outward energy as well overall. Mental and emotional states* Overall mostly positive and playing on offense. This is definitely where I want to be. Felt more energized internally and connected. No porn / retention* Good job in action, but sometimes deviating into lustful thinking. Overnight ends up being difficult because I have a high level of energy then. Cold exposure* Day 3/90 without any hot water since I got here. Gonna start showering outside with the garden hose so I can water the lawn here since it never rains. Also it's a good effect to shower outside like this. Air is cool in the morning and will only get colder Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Slipped some. Found myself checking my phone too much. Should turn it off sometimes or leave it behind. Exercise* Another really solid day here. I got some motivation to push myself here and that's good. Moved forward today

Sep 1 A really solid day all around. Really strong habits and off to a good start here. I want to keep this momentum up obviously. Just keep focusing on investing in God and my spiritual practice. Keep doing WHM for cold exposure, breathing, mindset. Keep confident that I can work hard and good things will happen for me. So it's really just day in and day out making progress. Really the only thing now is some fear and doubt about not making it and not doing well here. So I really want to put maximum effort, work hard, live clean and just put God first. It's going to take a lot of sacrifice but it's basically going to be work and God for awhile. I don't have a lot of time for other things. Just need to get established. Daily spiritual practice* Really strong morning practice and did an evening session as well. This helped me feel oriented and ready Attitude of service* Good outward energy and was pretty helpful all around. So this was good. I also want to get clear that I'm here to serve God and have God work through me. I also want to just be on my toes ready to interact with others. Mental and emotional states* Also good for the most part. Really felt energized for most of the day and moving in the right direction. Was pretty positive and optimistic. Only down spot was that I started comparing some to a friend who is really successful. That's a losing formula. Instead I should look at all the good things I have, be in gratitude, trust that I'm on the right path and just trust my instincts. No porn / retention* Good job here. Sex energy is building back up. I want to really harness this and use this as I build a future. I really want to use the high energy and vitality and direct it Cold exposure* Good cold shower finished day 2/90 with no hot water at all Eat clean* Good here. Diet is really clean now which I'm happy about. Good sign that my discipline is strong Phone & computer habits* Actually good here. Wasn't too distracted at all. This habit I definitely want to keep up Exercise* Fantastic here. Run, pull ups, push ups, bike ride. Feels good to be active. Moved forward today

Aug 31 Was on the road the last two days and didn't do a written review. Made it out to California and starting here on the right foot. While driving or traveling I'm always thrown off some. Feels good to arrive. After getting here i unpacked and then went for a nice run, took a cold shower, did some whm breathing and then did some meditation and chanting. I want to really keep up my spiritual practice like this and make this a priority. Each day if I really put effort in to this I won't fall into doubt and self pity, fear, etc. Driving out here I felt some doubts so I need to really set a high standard so I can face these. If I'm really connected spiritually and if I give my best effort I'll do okay. I'm coming out here with the attitude that I'm here to win and give 100%. So that's what I have to do. Other than that was pretty helpful today and am overall off to a good start. Daily spiritual practice* Nice effort today after I arrived. Felt really good to make this an important part of my first day. Had a decent meditation and I'm back at chanting which is good. So I definitely want to keep this up. I'm really setting myself up for success if I put my spiritual practice first Attitude of service* Good here. Good outward energy and found a way to be helpful around the house. So that's good. Mental and emotional states* Driving out here this morning I felt in some fear and doubt. I put some effort into good habits once I arrived and I'm back on offense. I'm feeling more optimistic and positive and ready to go. It's so important that I take care of this. If I'm strong here then I'm strong in other areas so my perspective and attitude is important No porn / retention* Good but also having my moments about thinking about deviating. I want to keep this area strong. I'm going to do 90 days celibacy again to get off to a good streak here. I want to really harness this energy and transmute it. The big thing is keeping the mental space focused and clear from distraction Cold exposure* Good cold shower. Also doing 90 days no hot water. This is gonna be tough. Usually I reward myself with hot water at the end but I'm just going to force my body to get used to it. Eat clean* Did a good job today especially for being on the road Phone & computer habits* Good here but I want to have rules and follow them. Today i just did okay but didn't really have rules to follow like putting my phone in a phone box Exercise* Really good here. I need to train and take this serious. So solid run today, did some pushups and pull ups. So this has to be a priority

Aug 28 Good day overall. Another nice meditation session in the morning. I've been on a really nice streak. Other than that I really did a good job organizing and getting ready to leave. It was also nice to hang out with my sister and go to the fair. So lots of good things today. Only negative really is that I'm off the retention streak I started. Last night couldn't sleep so ended up fapping. Really it's all good as long as I don't watch porn. Although I'd like to get another nice streak going. I definitely want to have really high sex energy and transmute it. I'd also really like to meet someone when I move so probably need to put some effort in there. I'm pretty much ready for the next phase and the next thing. I'm really excited about this move. I think things will go well there just like they did here. I really have to just keep God first and keep working toward good things. Daily spiritual practice* This is really strong and the highlight of everything lately. Just a solid foundation. Really good concentration and focus and it's really natural to do long meditations Attitude of service* Pretty good outward energy not overly stuck in self or in my own problems Mental and emotional states* Had a bunch of serenity today which was nice. Really at peace with my decision to move. Really at peace with my year here. It's been a really good year so I'm happy about that. No porn / retention* Didn't retain last night. Actually chatting with a girl I dated and she's sending me photos lol. I just really want a girlfriend again. Gotta get my life in order and set it up Cold exposure* Good cold shower Eat clean* Ate out and ate way too many fries Phone & computer habits* Need improvement here. Fell back in to checking my phone Exercise* Walked a ton today but not any exercise that I set aside to do Moved forward today Really getting ready for what's next

Aug 27 A really solid day. Spent a lot of the day going through things and packing. I'm a bit nostalgic to leave because it's been a nice year here. Was good to go through some things and organize. I'm pretty much ready. Got to do some cleaning and make a trip to Goodwill but that's about it. Tomorrow also going to hang out with my sister which will be nice. Today had a really solid morning session of meditation, prayer and chanting. I want to really work in the chanting regularly in the future. I want to use that as a resource. Also did a bunch of whm breathing and then did 55 push ups without any oxygen in my lungs. When I get down to sea level I should be able to do even more. I want to keep training this and see how many I can do. Also a nice cold shower of course. Today was in a nice place of just feeling pretty solid and secure. Just feel like I have faith and that things will work out well for me. That's a good feeling to have. Still just need to keep with cleaning up my life as best I can and giving 100%. I feel reenergized with the new opportunity and ready to really go after it. So tomorrow I anticpate another solid day and then I'm on my way. Important to keep my spiritual practice strong on the road. Daily spiritual practice* Really nice morning sessions. I'd like to really keep this up Attitude of service* Good outward energy today. Not a lot of clear opportunites to be helpful but I had good energy and good interactions overall. So this was a good orientation Mental and emotional states* Good job here, this is where I'd like to be. Positive and in faith. I felt pretty strong and capable as well. No porn / retention* Good here although from time to time there are thoughts. Retention energy building back up which is good. I like having that be strong Cold exposure* Nice cold shower Eat clean* Good here. I like my simple diet and really would like to continue this Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but it's easy to wander on the phone. Still need to get more serious about this Exercise* Push ups and a bike ride Daily spiritual practice*Attitude of service*Mental and emotional states*No porn / retention*Cold exposure*Eat clean*Phone & computer habits*Exercise*

Aug 26 Last day in person at work went well. Really feel good about things. Also feel pretty good about the future and about opportunities coming up. I'm back in a place of pretty good serenity and pretty good sense of faith and confidence. This is really because I'm really inviting God into my life on a daily basis. I can fall into doubt and self pity but I can also get back quickly to a position of faith and trust. That's why my daily spiritual practice is so important. I'll never be far from a solid place. Today was chill overall. Really the only negative in my life that I've had is lonliness. Even today that came up. That is really the only negative spot. Everything else is pretty positive overall. The lonliness is tough because I really like dating and having a girlfriend. I'm in a really odd time with this. Part of the battle is really cleaning up my desires for substandard sex practice. Basically I want to be done with porn, my life is so much better without it. And I'd also like to be done with any thoughts about sex workers. I think I really need to clean up desires like this. I want to get back to a place where I have a really strong sense of love in my heart all around. I also want to do the semen retention which is good for me. Generally I've made good progress here and want to keep this up. I really want to transmute this energy and then also bring it to a relationship and a girl. It's just I feel lonely waiting for this to happen. So I'd like to just keep investing about being excited about life and building a nice life. So I should be really enthusiastic and motivate about the path I'm on. Daily spiritual practice* Really nice morning session as usual. This has been really solid lately. Possibly doing some chanting tonight also. I think when I move I'll really mix in my chanting practice. Attitude of service* Good here generally. Good outward energy, good on the actions today to contribute. So overall good performance here. Mental and emotional states* In the neighborhood I want to hang out in of positivity and optimism. So I'm glad about that. I feel much better for having weathered the storm of doubt a couple of weeks ago. I was really tested and now I'm in a really good place. It gives me faith that this is generally the place where I'll be the most. No porn / retention* Good here. I want to get better at not checking out girls though. It's pointless to just check out a girl. If anything i should just find girls to talk to. Retention energy is starting to build back up which is good also. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower first thing in the morning. Such a solid habit to start the day Eat clean* Good here. Big challenge will be driving when I'm on the road Phone & computer habits* actually pretty good today. Listening to podcasts is a good example of something positive with this. Want to avoid the negative use of these resources Exercise* Push ups and a bike ride moved forward today *Daily spiritual practice*Attitude of service*Mental and emotional states*No porn / retention*Cold exposure*Eat clean*Phone & computer habits*Exercise*Stay positive and optimistic

Aug 25 Really solid day overall. Good energy and moving in the right direction with the different areas of my life. I feel like I'm all ready to move and I'm not stressed. I'm kinda caught up at work and on good terms there. I'm not stressing work so that is good. I'll bring a little income with me by working part time remote. So today I contributed some at work. I also had a solid day with habits. Back on the retention and I didn't dip since i had had a pretty good retention streak before fapping once. So the baseline energy is relatively high. I really want to work on this area, keep that energy and use it for other purposes, and also avoid lustful thinking. Just really clean up this area of life so that I don't bring any bad habits into my next relationship. My outlook is also generally positive. I'm ready to go to San Diego and win. I'm ready to give it 100% nad really keep my spiritual life as the foundation. I'm also willing to clean up the more difficult areas of life like lustful thinking. So with this willingness I can go forward and feel like I can do okay. It feels good to have this faith and confidence. I want to encourage this. I want to feel like if I have God in my life I can take on anything and face adversity. I want to feel assured that I can handle whatever comes up. So it's good to be in this space now. This past year or so has gone really well. I'm ready to continue this. Each day the important thing is to invest in God and not feel intimidated by the challenges and adversity out there. I can also feel like I'm on a strong trajectory since God is number one. That's a big thing. Keeping God #1. With that in place I can move forward with confidence. Daily spiritual practice* Strong morning session as always. Also just had a strong evening meditation with a friend. Had a lot of clarity about the changes I'm making and the willingness to take this on. Lately this part of life has been really good. Just high quality sessions. Attitude of service* Also good here. Good outward energy. Better overall and not stuck in self. Since I'm going to part time I've lost some of the intensity with service but I've nevertheless done pretty good. Mental and emotional states* Where I should be. Mostly feeling connected, mostly feeling optimistic. I'm playing on offense which is where I'd like to be. Living life by leaning into it and not on my heels. Nice to be here after a couple tough weeks playing out the decision to move and start looking for other work opportunities. This is definitely the area I want to live in. No porn / retention* Good here. Back on building a retention streak. Day 2. Also better with avoiding lustful thinking. Generally I want a better and more positive perspective around girls. I had that in the past when i was dating a lot. A little harder being single. But i want confidence and abundance in this area. Just live in a strong mentality and perspective. Cold exposure* Good here. Woke up and got in a cold shower right away. Wasn't that difficult. I've definitely improved here because last summer cold showers were more difficult. So I've gotten used to cold showers after over a year, but I know when winter comes and the water is colder that it will be more difficult Eat clean* Good here today. Actually thinking about changing my diet around and having a big meal in the morning. after talking with monks they usually have a big meal in the morning and then lighter snacks after that. Have considered this but not sure. Either way I'm recommiting to eating really clean Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but need to follow rules with this. Easy to stay off track and I'm not taking this as seriously as I should Exercise* Bike ride and push ups. I want to find something to train for though Moved forward today

Aug 24 Another decent day overall but lower energy. I had a bunch of sexual energy overnight while sleeping and woke up and fapped. Not a big deal since I didn't watch porn but I still want to conserve that energy with semen retention. I definitely saw a dip overall today in energy and vitality. It was 2+ weeks without doing that so the energy was pretty high. I'm going to get back to retaining. I really would like to harness this energy and save it for when I have a relationship. I also am moving soon and will have to build another life so I want to do my best here. Sexual discipline carries over to so many other areas of life. I really want to work hard and give it 100%. I'm not sure exactly what direction I'll move in with work, right now there are 3 different options really. All seem pretty good. So I'm just going to give 100% and see what ends up working out. I'm in a good place and really glad that I'm making a switch now. I really have strong faith. I was really tested a over the last couple of weeks and I ended up feeling really weak at times. I was low on faith and optimism. Now I feel like I can really make different things happen which is good. I'm more optimistic and ready to find my way. A lot of the faith and optimism has to do with the past year. I've had a really solid year overall. I can look back and say that I've really worked hard. On my own spiritual life first, I've definitely kept that up and will continue to do so. At work I really worked hard and learned a lot about this database and I started programming some. So that is also good. I've come a long way with my knowledge and skill. I've also really saw that I can handle a busy schedule, professional stress, different projects and emails, etc. This was something I was unsure of and I've really had a solid time with this and have shown I can do it. The point is I have a nice track record this year of progress and hard work. So I'm anticipating more success coming up. I really want to really give it 100%. I'm going out there to win. I know I can do well if I keep God first. Really the only negative this past year was with sex ideal. I ended up periodically watching porn after 15 months no porn. The cycle has been pretty much watch porn a couple times a month. Had also some longer stretches of no porn, went fully celibate for 3 months which was a nice accomplishment. So overall I didn't watch all that much porn, but any is too much and I don't want that at all in my life. The problem is that I'm kinda lonely and focusing a lot on work and the future and less on my social life. So the lonliness gets to me as does regret sometimes and just being insecure about being single. I want to really clean up this area of my life and really prepare for my next relationship. So I want to really feel like I have mastered sex energy and retention. I also want to avoid lustful thinking and thoughts about seeing a sex worker or something. When I'm lonely that's kinda where my thoughts go. The other thing is just somehow trying to be more social. I used to be so motivated to date and talk to girls and be social. I'm much less so now. It just feels like so much effort, plus covid, plus i'm really busy. But I do want to make a little effort here and there with that. So this upcoming year when I start in a new city I want to keep up all my good habits, keep putting God first and then also just keep giving 100% at work trying to build a future. The big goal is also to really clean up my sex ideal and really harness that energy. I'm definitely going to need it. So I want to give that 100% also. *Daily spiritual practice* Really nice mornign session. Also did a second shorter evening meditation. So both things are good there. A solid meditation in the mornign is so important. I'm really looking forward to waking up early to give this 100% when I move. I think I'll find newfound motivation also since I'll really need the spiritual connection to start something new Attitude of service* Okay here, but also was slightly resentful at work over a request. I have to watch that. When I started work I was always on my toes with an attitude to serve. Now that I've settled in I get a little resentful at times. That's not good. OVerall i was good in action here but a little lower energy. Part of that has to do with breaking the retention streak Mental and emotional states* Didn't dip into negativity, mostly positive but less connected and less sharp. Want to keep on the offensive side of things. No porn / retention* Fapped today. Didn't watch porn which is great. This isn't really negative but I do feel a dip in energy, vitality, etc when I fap. So there is a trade off. Lately I've been much more aware of having sexual energy and I really want to find ways to live with the super high energy and transmute it instead of eventually after days/weeks/months just fapping because it is too high Cold exposure* Nice morning cold shower Eat clean* Fail here. Was low energy and in a weird mood so I ate some sweets at work. I did it to distract myself. Funny how I want to deviate from solid habits when I feel off. When I move I'm giving 100% here also, i only want to eat healthy food Phone & computer habits* kinda in the middle. ended up watching some youtube which wasn't horrible but I'm not keeping a list. i want to keep an internet list, i want to use a phone box which i'm not doing. so i need to improve this Exercise* push ups and a nice bike ride positive mantras: did this a couple times but not enough

Aug 23 Good day all around. Had a nice morning meditation session. Between whm breathing and cold shower that is nice prep for a strong meditation. I really like having this as the foundation of my day. If I invite God into my life each day then I'm on the right trajectory. That's really the fundamentals. I can trust that I'll make good progress and that I'm moving in the right direction. The more I invest in God the more assurance I can have that I'm on a good path. I may not be sure what will happen next and there will always be adversity but I'll still be on a solid path. I want to avoid the comparisons and the doubt. I want to have faith and trust and avoid second guessing things. Instead I would like to go forward confidently and understand that good things will continue to come in my direction as long as I'm willing to grow. I also have to be willing to clean up every area of my life. I really have to believe I'm on the winning team. Otherwise I'm just going to hold myself back. I know what it feels like to really be in tune with feeling good about the life I'm living. The problematic area here can be sex ideal. Being single is tough, I'm moving, and I'm focusing on work so I don't have a lot of time for a social life. I think I'll have to make some time as best I can. The ideal is to have a solid relationship. In the meantime I have to stay away from porn which is something that is a net negative. I'm also more and more committed to semen retention. It's not easy but it's becoming more regular for me. I'm on a nice streak now. I just want to save this energy and be ready for a girl. The other area to keep clean are thoughts about seeing a sex worker. Even if I don't do it I don't like having that thought. When I'm lonely that idea seems appealing since I'll have some connection. It's the thing that that thought will keep me from my ideal. It makes me feel like I'm not playing for the winning team. Instead I'd like to really commit to living really clean and not deviating. So I have to be willing to keeping this area of my life clean and wait for the right relationship to show up. I should also put some effort into being social and meeting someone even though it looks like covid is coming back and will interfere with that plan. Soon I'll be in a new city with new surroundings and new challenges. Whatever it is I'd like to really give 100%. I'm a little worried about my progress sometimes and I'd like to make some more money, but no matter what I'm moving forward almost everyday. If I take care of my sex ideal and really live clean there I'll be solid all around. And that's what I really want, to really feel like I'm living as best I can and workign toward aligning my life with God's purpose for me. Daily spiritual practice* another nice morning session. this is fantastic Attitude of service* good example here. met with friends at a meeting and i served cake. felt good to see an opportunity and to go and help. this is the type of attitude and action that i need Mental and emotional states* good here - mostly on the positive side of things. feeling connected and strong. exactly where i want to be No porn / retention* good here. no desire to watch porn. also really glad i have a lot of energy with retention. edged a bit this morning which is okay from time to time but can't be doing that too much. sometimes i just want to recognize my sexual energy without orgasming. I'd like to also do this practice with a girl to keep retention streaks even when i have a girl Cold exposure* good here, cold showers are pretty easy in summer Eat clean* mostly good but ate out for lunch at work with colleagues Phone & computer habits* decent, but caught myself checking my phone while waiting for a meeting to start. i turned it off which was a good move. really would like to keep this habit away. there is always that temptation. need to be really deliberate here Exercise* did some push ups first thing in the morning but would like to improve this. not doing enough here Stay positive and optimistic mantras: didn't do any mantras for this today. would like to improve this moved forward today

Aug 22 Good day. I felt pretty confident about things. Had a fun day on my friend's boat also. Was nice to hang out with him and go for a swim. What also felt nice was that I wasn't in fear or doubt. Just a calm day mostly in serenity. Had a nice meditation session in the morning and then also went to a church that has a good program. One of the newer style churches with basically light rock music Jesus style. I'm really into anything spiritual now. Anything from church to buddhist temple to hare krishna. It is all resonating with me. I really want to clean up all the different areas of my life and see how good my life can be if I do this. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Nice morning session to start the day. Not too much to report othe rthan I'm keeping consistent Attitude of service* Good here, tried to help my friend when his boat was having issues so a good example of just trying to assist. Also had good outward energy overall. much better to go through life engaged rather than in my head and my own problems. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Definitely on offense and on the positive side of things. Want to keep things this way as well. No porn / retention* Good mostly but also was checking out girls too much. I want good discipline here. I want to instead just focus on a girls presence instead of checking her out. I also want to have a bunch of confidence to talk to girls and engage with people. Checking girls out is a distraction and I'm trying to steal some pleasure from it. Instead there isn't a bunch of reason to really look at girls unless I'm going to go talk to them. But still on a nice retention streak. I'd like to make retention as a habit so I can really bring this energy to my life. Cold exposure* A couple nice cold showers Eat clean* Okay here but not great Phone & computer habits* Need to stay vigilant. Caught myself today on youtube and chekcing my phone too much. Need to dial that back. This is so important for a strong mind Exercise* Not enough here. Went for a swim but wasn't really vigorous exercise Stay positive and optimistic* didn't really bring to mind any mantras. I need to decide if I'm committing to this and just improve with this moved forward today. moved forward streak 3

Aug 21 Decent day. Really nice morning chanting session with the monks at the temple. Great way to start the day. I've been pretty consistent there for over a year. Was nice to say goodbye to them before I leave. Today I had a mixed day. Good overall but comprimsed on diet which isn't optimal. I do feel like I'm really heading toward a nicer discipline coming up. With this move I'm really going to give 100% to make it work and have my best habits. Was also really nice to see family and hang out also. All the time is so valuable. Other than that I really want to figure things out and make good money and build a nice future. I just really want to work and have a nice life. *Daily spiritual practice* Good here with the great morning chanting and meditation Attitude of service* Had a good example of being helpful today so good actions. I was also helpful around the house. Good outward energy and not overly stuck in self Mental and emotional states* Mostly in a good spot of being positive and being on top of things with this. Actually pretty present overall and pretty tuned in with life today No porn / retention* Good here but really would like to meet a girl. I guess that is the difficult part with this. I am enjoying the extra energy that comes from retention and the discipline that comes from it as well. So i have a good commitment there. Especially since I'm building a new life when I move. I really need to focus and concentrate all my efforts Cold exposure* Really nice cold shower in the morning. Felt fantastic Eat clean* Not good here, all kinds of compromises. But will really improve on this once I get back home Phone & computer habits* Mostly good, but some deviations and just checking my phone. Should probably just turn my phone off Exercise* Missed this today. Walked a bunch of miles during the day but didn't do any real exercise. I guess the walking is good but i need something more intense Stay positive and optimistic* didn't do the mantras really. Need to mix this in. it isn't really natural yet Moved forward today

Aug 20 Decent day overall. Was kind of productive in the morning and felt good to get things done from my list. The only hang up I have is fear over my apartment situation but working through that. Solid day with my spiritual practice and met with a spiritual friend as well. Had a good conversation and really am grateful for our relationship. So solid day except for the one fear over the apartment. That's really the only one thing holding me back emotionally. Other than that really excited about the future. I've also really felt connected lately. That is fantastic, feeling a lot more trust and commitment to God. Also really ready to continue my daily spiritual practice indefinitely. That really is the foundation of what I do Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session. Did some WHM breathing and then a nice meditation/prayer session. Not a mega session but still significant and meaningful Attitude of service* Good outward energy. Was friendlier today, felt like I participated in life. Felt like I had good readiness to serve Mental and emotional states* Also good here. Mostly positive and optmistic. had some fear and doubt this morning over my apartment sitaution and counter it with some nice exercise and a cold shower. Sometimes habits just give me the push i need to be in the positive zone No porn / retention* really good here today. felt good about being on retention. seeing this now as a way of life with nice benefits. just felt like i had good awareness and direction with this energy. also felt like i have something good to offer. i need this energy to fuel other drives and ambitions so i'm really committing to discipline here Cold exposure* nice cold shower today Eat clean* fell short here. every time i'm at my sisters i always snack and eat processed foods. also had sweets today. after i leave and move out west i'm recommiting to a super clean diet Phone & computer habits* better. so important this area. internet surfing is a time suck Exercise* good job with doing some weights today Stay positive and optimistic* didn't really do mantras today. need to improve this. I want to get strong so next itme i'm in doubt i can not be shaken Moved forward today, moved forward streak 1