Jai

Aug 12 Actually a tough day today. My habits were good, my energy was good, but just was a little off today. I do have a growing consciousness of love, I'm more aware of this and I'm trying to let it grow. So even today with adversity I had a good reaction. It wasn't a horrible day, it's just there are a lot of things going on at work, a lot I don't understand, and I lot I have to learn still. I also want to be helpful and it's frustrating when I can't be helpful. That happened today, I worked for awhile on somthing and it turns out that there was a problem out of my control. Just a lot going on and some days I do feel a little overwhelemed. And I don't want to work on weekends to catch up. I'd much prefer time to myself to unplug. I think that's so important for my own well being and high performance. Anyway, I did do well on all the things within my control. + spiritual practice: Still good. Really good morning meditation. + attitude of service: still trying to say yes at work. Trying to contribute. Good energy. + Life habits: Good but went out to eat at a vegan restaurant and ate vegan junk food. Not too bad but not as much discipline as I'm used to. - Positivity/optimism: Fell back into questioning my life choices. Happens everytime I have a tough day at work. I think I've done something wrong, I have a lack of faith, I think I shouldn't have left my last job. I put up a little fight at times, but mostly in the afternoon and evening I just kind of dwelled in this mental space. / Seeing potential in others: okay but not great. Did catch myself and reminded myself to do this. Want to keep doing this until it becomes natural.

Aug 11 + Reaction to adversity: Topping the list today. i technically had a rough day at work but it didn't feel like it. I stayed in a good mental and emotional place. Minimized the agitation and being upset. Kept a good attitude. Finished the day strong. I didn't let myself get overwhelemed and I stayed in faith. I want to keep reacting like this. + Spiritual practice: Good chanting session, but I notice I'm not as good if I don't practice every day. Really good meditation also. + Attitude of service: Trying to do this consistently at work and in life. I think that helps reduce stress also. I just try to be helpful and serve. This is so healthy of an attitude to have. It's an ideal, I'm not always there, but I have to keep trying. + Life habits: Doing good and this also keeps me sharp and ready to meet life head on. + Positivity/optimism: Pretty good on a technically tough day. / Seeing potential in others: I need to stress this more... I need to LOOK for these things. Go out on a mission and look for good things about others. Even have some default ones.. it's not like I know anything about strangers. Just suppose that someone is really friendly, or a great cook, or is a good listener, etc. Overall: Good day. I want to keep growing like this and showing what is possible in my life. I want to enjoy this job, improve and not be stressed. So I'm putting my faith in God, trying to invite God into my life so I can do this.

Aug 10 + Spiritual practice: Solid. My during the week practice is so spot on. I got time set aside in the morning for it. Went to a meeting today also. Didn't have time for chanting it looks like cuz i need to catch up on sleep. Still solid day though. + Attitude of service: pretty good here. Trying to contribute at work and have a good attitude. I just want to be helpful. good outward energy today. + Life habits: doing good. Exactly what I should be doing. I feel like I'm establishing myself as a go getter. I have the habits of a busy successful person. Keep this up and I'll be successful one day lol. + Positivity/optimism: Good job of keeping a good mental orientation in the midst of adversity and difficulty. Tough day at work, but I stayed in a pretty good place. Never really fell in to negativity + Seeing potential in others: Progress. Not where I want to be but I'm training my mind. Consciously looked for good things today for others. Overall: Really solid day. If I can handle stress and anxiety well I'll be in good shape. That is the real challenge. Lately I'm stepping up and facing this and progressing.

Aug 9 + spiritual practice: good today, had a decent meditation session, adapted my morning practice to the weekend. Felt really connected with God + attitude of service: really good today. Great examples of how I want to continue to be and become more. First was i offered a friend a ride who had car problems, he didn't need it but I still offered and was thinking of being helpful. later I helped a neighbor I don't really know carry some pallets down into his basement. He wasn't going to be able to do it becasue he's too old. But I did it in no time. So it felt really good to seize opportunities for service. Truthfully with covid I'm not interacting a lot with people so things like this are kind of rare. So I'm glad I could do it. + Life habits: Good also. I'm living an active, healthy life. I enjoyed my day off and took some time to practice some computer skills. I went for a nice bike ride, ran some errands and just unplugged. + Positivity/optimism: Really good today. I didn't feel worried at all about Monday, which is good. In the past on Sunday I've had the habit of feeling a little worried. Big day tomorrow, but I'll handle it. I also felt good about the future and just generally optimistic about things. + Seeing potential in others: Progress here because I'm not really having any critical or negative thoughts toward others. I want to maintain this week and encourage love in my heart. Really have a strong sense of love. + God connection: Good here, felt pretty connected all day. On my bike ride I really noticed the presence of spirit. It's nice to look for this and find it. Overall: Great day. Definitely moved forward. I just need to keep it up and keep putting these good days in a row. It's nice to also see myself handling the stress of work well by unplugging on weekends. This is my biggest challenge and fear, just being overwhelmed by work and flipping out. So far I've done well and I'm confronting this fear. I really need to just continue to grow up and internalize more and more these good habits and attitudes so I can do a good job at work. If I can eliminate this stress and worry then I can feel like work is really sustainable. I want to look forward to work like I have with other jobs and really like this job. The next month will be really tough and then after that things should normalize, so i have to be on top of it and not back off.

Aug 8 Really great day. Felt connected all day. Went on a great hike in the mountains with friends. Just really good energy all day. + Spiritual practice: Good today. Made the time in the morning for a really quick session. Also took time for a meditation after the hike. + Energy/attitude today: Really good. Felt really strong and didn't worry about work. + Optimism/positivity: Great today, didn't think negatively about the future. More just happy with today and possibilities in the future. Overall, nothing really to report. I had a great day. Hiked up to this ridge near the summit of a mountain and just saw both sides of this range. This was really spectacular. As cliche as it sounds I definitely felt the presence of God. Plus just feeling good from the exercise and the effort to get there. Just felt connected and that I can build a great life if I keep relying on spiritual life.

Aug 7 + Spiritual practice: Great morning prayer and meditation + Attitude of service: Really trying to live this at work. Trying to be helpful. Trying to do a lot. Trying to learn. Just keep this up day in and day out. + Life habits: The freedom I get from this is great. A lot of bad habits are a thing of the past + Positivity/optimism: doing good here. Solid day and free from fear, worry, negativity and low mental and emotional states + Spiritual connection: definitely good today. Felt a good and real clear awareness of God in my life after work. All of the good habits, spiritual practice is to open up this type of connection. I want to have more and more love in my heart. + Seeing potential in others: Made improvement. I'm reminding myself to do this. It's not my instinct yet, but I'm reminding myself and training myself. Overall: Really good day. Definitely moved forward and I want to keep this up.

Aug 6 + Spiritual practice: Good here. I'm listening to a good podcast about spirituality and that is increasing my awareness. It feels good to hear other people speak of a spiritual path. + Attitude of service: Good today. Good outward energy. Tried to be helpful at work. Also really kept my thoughts moving outward instead of inner turmoil + Life habits: It's amazing, I go running at 4:45am and this feels normal. Every other habit is also pretty firmly rooted in place. I'm practicing retention, usually 6 out of 7 days of the week, exercise daily, eat clean, eat small lunches, do a bunch of other good habits as well. I feel really good about the direction I'm heading in. + Spiritual connection: Good today. I want to keep an eye out for the presence of God. + Positivity/optimism and freedom from negative mental/emotional states: Good today. Never fell into negativity. Was faced with a little down energy in the afternoon but I finished the day strong. / Seeing potential in others: I have to train my mind. I went shopping today and I didn't notice anything good about other people. I wasn't negative, but I want to train my mind to start noticing good things about people or assuming good things about others. Overall: Good day. No resentment today so I moved in the right direction there. I also kept up good habits. Each day the effort is there. There's no doubt I'm progressing on different fronts. Life is really moving in the right direction. I feel good about work most of the time. I also accept it's going to take 2 years to really learn new computer skills and do a good job here. So I have a better perspective about that and accepting that. Spoke with a sponsee today which was good. We both have a strong spiritual practice. The accountability we have is great. Plus we're both experiencing the benefits of consistent spiritual practice. Big thing now is continuing this and building more love in my heart. I want to be a person with an energy that is evident. A true energy of love and confidence and faith and purpose.

Aug 5 + Spiritual practice: Solid meditation in the morning. It's really second nature to be consistent now. + Attitude of service: I definitely want to be helpful. I want to follow up at work on things and assist. I feel bad because I don't know more. I can't wait until I gain some more expertise so I can really be helpful. + Life habits: Good. Morning run is the new thing. I'm modifying my exercise. I like getting outside like this. Plus I get more pumped up from a run. So taking out the warmup part of my exercise, and cutting a set of bodyweight exercises. So now it's run, one round of bodyweight, then stretch. Other life habits are good. + Spiritual connection: After work I felt connected again. Need to keep that up. After working it feels satisfying to sit in the glow of good habits and good service at work. Then I can unplug and enjoy life. After work is my time. I want to keep it that way. Do as much as I can during work, and after take over. + Positivity/optimism plus freedom from fear, worry, doubt, self pity, regret. Was positive today. Funny how I had a good day and I didn't think about my old job at all. Hmmm. On bad days I fall into regret, doubt, etc. So I need to keep a watchful eye and avoid stress and these negative mental and emotional states. / Seeing potential in others: Wasn't bad, just didn't really notice a lot of opportunities to look at this. - resentment (resentful instinct, lack of perspective): Was again slightly resentful at a coworker. I need to watch this and I am. Kudos to me for noticing this right away. Literally I saw an email and notice my resentment and chased it away. I want to build a positive perspective toward this coworker. I generally already have this, it's just small diversions from the norm from time to time. This person has helped me out a lot so i want to keep it up. Overall: Really solid day. Felt good to be on the positive side of things. Last couple of weeks has been more stress than normal and I have a fear in the back of my mind that the stress will take over and I'll live in disastisfaction at work and outside of work. But today I handled it well. We were really busy, I have a lot of things on my plate. But I still enjoyed life before and after work, and was in a pretty decent mental mood most of the day. I just want to get more and more efficient at work, and work harder within the working hours. Just really get used to focusing and staying on task. That way I can get more done, and unplug from work. It's so important to unplug from work. I need to live a high performance life. Part of that is my own time.

Aug 4 + Spiritual practice: Good here. Going to do a chanting session now. + Attitude of service: Trying to be helpful at work. Really looking to do my best. Big thing is dealing with stress and anxiety. That can leave me feeling disconnected and I become less useful to others. Today was solid, good outward energy, not stuck in inner turmoil + Life habits: Good. I'm controlling what I can control. Woke up feeling off because of a bad dream. Didn't have the best sense about the day ahead. But I had a solid morning practice and had good effort and habits all around + Positivity/optimism & freedom from fear, worry, self pity, doubt, regret: Good here. I feel like I'm leaning into life on days like today. Feel like life is interesting and the future is bright. This can change day to day. Generally I'm overall positive, but if I get a little stressed that goes away. + God connection: Definitely felt God's presence. Especially when I was sitting outside the laundromat waiting for my clothes to dry. And also on the ride home. I had a nice sense of ease and serenity. my perception also felt a bit different. I want to be on the look out for God connection. - Resentment: A minor resentment to report on. Not a big deal but need to be on the look out for things like these. Actually resentful at a new friend of mine. We had been hanging out but the friendship didn't go as I had expected and not really in close touch. So I'm a little defensive about this and resentful. I do recognize it and want to let it go and be more natural when I see him. Overall: A good day all around for sure. I felt like I broke through today some after a tougher than normal day yesterday. I really haven't had a bad day in a long time. It's just I've set a high standard for myself. The stress is getting to me a little so I need to be on the look out for that. That really is a barrier to loving life and living in the moment. So I also want really good effort tomorrow and hopefully another solid day

August 30 + Spiritual practice: doing it day in and day out. Really strong meditation and prayer session this morning. I fall into meditation so naturally now, especially in the morning. + Attitude of service: I definitely wanted to be helpful today. I also tried to go out of my way to help others. I do have a genuine interest in being helpful, if I can't be helpful i feel bad and frustrated. That came up at work, I don't always have all the answers. + Life habits: This is in good shape. I have really strong habits. - positivity/optimism: not where I want it to be. I had a frustrating afternoon at work and then I fell into negativity about leaving my last job. Not nearly as optmimistic as I usually have been. Maybe it's an emotional hangover from last week being so tough. I want to get excited about what I'm doing and not let this negativity settle in. - freedom from doubt, worry, self pity, fear, regret: Not where I want this to be. this always goes hand in hand with positivity/optimism + seeing potential in others: A little better here. I want to continue the habit of instantly spotting something good about people, or assuming something good. Overall: an odd day. I started out really strong. Good workout, good morning at work. But then I fell into a little frustration and i ended up feeling disconnected. The hard part of this job is managing the emotional turmoil and stress. I'm doing good with this but there will be days like today. It's hard learning somehting new. I'm learning a new job and skill. it's not easy. So I need to focus on the long haul. Work is tough, that's why it's work. I have a great opportunity and it's important to me. Even when i have tough days I need to stick with it and focus on everything that's going right. Even today... I really did a lot right. So tomorrow I can keep the good habits and hard work going.

Here's my numbers for July: Balance before pay $4,206.69 Previous balance $3,054.11 Saved in July: 1,152.58 (of net pay of 2,227.73) = 51.7% of income saved plus with retirement contribution (219.90) = 1,372.48 saved 1,372.48/2,447.63 = 56.1% saved including retirement contribution Spent in July: 1,075.15 Health insurance and taxes: $552.37 Balance after pay $6,434.42 Going forward: I pretty much know where I stand now. I saved a decent amount of my pay this past month. I didn't really even try that hard. I'm kinda a minimalist by nature. I still have like $120 on a credit card from a camping trip I took. That's gonna be paid in August so I'll have to lower spending in other areas so I can save the same amount as last month. From here on out this is probably about as good as i can get. I get paid the same amount every month and the rest of my expenses are kind of set. here's a budget i put together quick Estimated budget: Rent 525 Gas & Electric 40 Gas 80 Haircut 20 Food 250 Donation 20 Other 65 Total 1000 Spiritual connection The only real issue is maintaining a spiritual connection and not getting caught up in that I don't earn a lot. Someday I want to make more but I'm starting a new career. I get down sometimes when I compare to other people. Or I get regretful when I think that I made more money last year. Regardless I'm working hard, being frugal, and still living an awesome and blessed life. Time for some gratitude for all the good things as I try to live spiritually and build my finances.

Aug 2 + spiritual practice: had a brief morning session before I went to go hiking at 5:30am. going to do a chanting and meditation session now. Overall this is consistent and the foundation + attitude of service: good outward energy. not stuck in inner turmoil. Present and available for others. + life habits: Good. Up early to go climb a mountain. Climbed West Spanish Peak near Walsenburg, CO. Other habits good also. Cold shower felt great after hiking. Hiking is a great way for me to unplug from work and from stress. Really feel better about things after a stressful week. + God connection: Good here. Really felt energized today. Hiking a mountain will do that. Generally felt God's presence in my life and in all I did. / Seeing potential&good qualities in others: Good i guess. I wasn't really critical today. I want to get to a point where I really am able to automatically see good things in people. + Positive/optimistc: Good here today. I had a few tough days last week from the deadlines and pressure at work. Today feel much better about things and life. Got to keep this up and ride this way. Overall: Really good day. It's nice to really enjoy the outdoors and do something fun and memorable. Makes me feel like life is more than just work. It's part of a high performance life... I really do need to unplug. Plus the more excited I am about life the easier everything else gets. I'm more positive and helpful to other people. So I need to keep up the good perspective, hard work I'm putting in, and also have fun.

Aug 1 + Spiritual practice: Did a shorter morning session. But still good. + Attitude of service: okay today, good outward energy is a good way to measure it today. Not a lot of opportunities for service, but not stuck in inner turmoil / God connection: okay, but not a really strong sense of God connection / Seeing potential & good qualities in others: okay I guess. This is the new thing I want to change about my mental perception. I did notice today with little kids all I see is potential, energy, good qualities. I want to see every person like this. Really see their soul essence so to speak. / Positive/optimistic: Okay, i was never negative. But I also wasn't really strong in positive energy. Still getting caught up thinking about my old job. Not really embracing where I'm at. Overall: a pretty good day today. But I also have some hangover from this past week I think. I was carrying a higher than normal level of stress. So I've been feeling less connected. This next week I want to get back into a good God connection and start loving life more. See all the gifts I have. Today I had a solid day, but didn't feel as energized as I should. Spent some time with family which is good. That time is so valuable. After they left I tried to do an online computer course which I want to learn, and this kind of drained me a little after a long week. But I'm taking action on things that are important to me and I'm making progress everyday. That's why I want to stay positive and focus on my daily progress, on how I'm moving forward and on how good my spiritual practice and life habits are. As long as I keep this up I have more good things coming.

July 31 I know what my next spiritual project is. It's transforming my mental orientation toward other people so I can recognize potential in everyone and see everyone's good qualities. Unfortunately I'm too critical of others. I notice and mentally note peoples flaws. Being critical like this is detrimental even though in a perverse way it almost tries to make me feel good. Not saying I'm a total judgmental dick, just that I definitely want to get rid of this habit. I've made so much progress with becoming positive and optimistic, I've really worked hard on this and have had good results. I do see the world differently now and see the future differently now. Sometimes I fall back into negativity, but overall I'm doing good here. The idea is to now look at these mental attitudes toward others and begin to really change that. so i want to see how great people are and can be. + Spiritual practice: good + Attitude of service: Good, at work all day I was pretty zoned in on being helpful. Glad it's Friday. / God connection: this past week I've been so busy with work and with a little more stress than normal I've forgetten to actually feel the presence of God. I want to get back into stopping and noticing this. / Seeing potential/good qualities in others: Was somewhat critical today of some people. I want to avoid this. + Positivie/optmisitic: good here. Overall: Good day. Worked really hard to finish out a really tough week. Tried my best, God will handle the rest.

July 30 + Spiritual practice: Good here. Really solid morning meditation. Just had a nice chanting session. + Attitude of service: Good. At work I'm really having a good attitude to be helpful. This is the way to go. Try to work hard all day, be ready to be helpful, not look at things like that as a burden. Just always be trying to have a good energy at work and be someone that people want to see succeed. + life habits: Good. I switched it up this morning. I started my flow body weight exercise routine and I wasn't feeling it, so I went on a run instead. Really before the sun came up. It was a great idea, it really energized me and made me excited about the day. Will mix in runs more often. I'm a little worried about winter and it being dark and cold all the time. I just gotta get used to the cold and get outside!!! + positivity/optimism: Back where i want to be on the spectrum. Felt positive pretty much all day. Excited about life. Not worried about the future or regretting the past. Not thinking about my last job and being pessimistic that I never should've left. + Freedom from fear, worry, self pity, doubt, regret: Good here. Didn't fall into these emotions. Instead I stayed pretty good overall. Overall, really solid day. All of my good habits were in place both spiritual and other. I kept a good attitude. I also felt better about our deadline. We've worked hard and whatever will happen will happen. I'm learning more at work everyday. So some days I feel overwhelmed. Some days I see my progress and feel great. Pretty much every day I'm putting my best foot forward and putting in good effort. I can't wait till I understand this database. Things are tough becasue I'm learning it. Once I got it figured out then I'll be good. So there is some stress just becasue I'm new in a new field. But i'm doing my best so points for that.

July 29 + Spiritual practice: Good chanting session. I'm glad I learned this it feels like a spiritual "hobby". I was a little drowsy in my morning meditation but that's okay + Attitude of service: Good here. I took on a task at work I didn't have to. I just volunteered to be helpful. It was actually a pain in the ass and really stressful. So glad I could help and do something significant. Also, just instantly did a couple tasks as they came to me. I want to have a good get it done work ethic. + Life habits: Doing good here. These are within my control so I'm doing good. Day in and day out I'm keeping discipline. / Positivity/optimism: Not my usually positive self. A deadline and stress at work has kind of neutralized me. I'm not negative, but I'm also not really positive today. I still had a good day, just not energized and excited as I like to be. / Freedom from fear, worry, self pity, doubt, regret: Also not where i want to be. The stress has me second guessing myself and thinking about my last job. I feel I may have made a mistake. It's funny how if I'm feeling a little stressed or have an off day I go right to regret lol. I forgot how on most days I feel pretty good about life and the future and my choices. It's a disonance and I feel off so my mind goes there. It's also a product of fear: I'm fearful things aren't going to work out. / Resentment: I felt some minor resentment again toward a coworker. It's not major but it's there. And it's there a few times over the past few days. I think a lot of it is the stress we're both under. On my side I did well by recognizing this and moving away from it. I also did good by looking for ways to be helpful and do service. I'm also recognizing that these minor resentments serve no purpose and I want a better emotional reaction when a disagreement or something happens. Overall: I had a pretty good day. I worked hard, I talked to a sponsee, I had great habits, went for a nice bike ride, ate a nice meal, etc. All really good things. But I was also lacking the vitality and optimism I normally have had to characterize it as a great day. Just this deadline has got me at a lower frequecny. So tomorrow I want to keep up the good work. I'm bound to have another really strong day soon. And this deadline will pass. So I'm proud of how I'm reacting and handling this stress. I'm doing a good job there. So that's it for today.

July 28 + Spiritual practice: Doing good but I didn't chant today. Went on a bike ride instead and relaxed. I do want to practice more since I'm doing that less frequently. I'm close to finishing this chant which will feel good. Then I'll have one solid chant that I can do regularly. It's probably gonna be like 10 minutes long in Pali so I'm proud that I'm learning this. + Attitude of service: was able to do a small thing today and I got someone a shopping cart at the grocery store. I'm glad about that. Little things like that matter. If I'm on top of my spiritual game I do things like that naturally. I want to keep a good outward energy and always look to be helpful. + Life habits: Really good. + Freedom from fear, worry, doubt, self pity: Good here never fell into these. / Positivity/optimism: I fell off a little bit the positivity train I was riding. This afternoon I just kinda hit a lull. Felt a little lower energy than normal. That's okay though, still a good day. - Resentment (sensitive, critical/judgmental): Again today a small resentment at work. It's really instantaneous, I notice it and I think where did that come from. With this I need to keep watch like I'm doing and recognize how this is nonsense. Getting a resentment at work is a bad recipe and leads to being discontent and upset all the time. Fortunately I'm still going strong with an attitude of service. That's what I need to keep up. Just never let off the gas of trying to help others. / Getting a little low energy in the afternoon. This really isn't my fault, it just kind of happened. I had a great morning. Motivated and going strong. Was really positive and felt productive and great. Then I ran an errand at work and then I ate a bigger snack than normal and when I started the afternoon I felt a little sluggish. This contributed a little bit to some unnease at work over maybe this deadline. Anyway, the afternoon was a bit sluggish and low energy. Not really that I did somehting wrong. Either way tomorrow I'm going to come strong again and really continue to have a great week. Overall: Another good day with all my actions and habits. A good day with effort. I can say that I moved forward today. I just need to keep this up day in and day out. Even on days like today when I might not feel as energetic and positive as normal. So I still grew today and that's good.

July 27 + Spiritual practice: Good morning session. Foundation of my day + Attitude of service: looking for ways to contribute. Good outward energy today. + Life habits: I'm really liking the benefit of not making compromises + Freedom from fear, worry, doubt, self pity: Really good. Woke up in a little of a funk and really moved in the right direction and stayed out of negative thought and emotion + Positivity/optimism: Really good here. Example of a great day where I felt energized - Resentment: minor resentment here, I had an instinctual reaction at work where I got resentful over having to send an email. I recognized this right away, I can't get resentful at all. I have to continue to have an attitude of service. I need to spot any type of negativity and banish it. I've gotten off to a great start at work with my attitude and orientation toward my coworkers. I cannot lose this. If I fall into negativity then work becomes difficult. Overall: Solid day. I moved forward not backward. Made progress. Practice spirituality and tried to maintain a God connection

July 26 Today I wasn't in my normal spiritual practice, but I ended up making time and having a great evening chant and meditation session. I really am becoming used to the discipline and miss it when I'm thrown off. I had my parents stay last night which was great. But I didn't have a normal morning where I do meditation and prayer early on. Anyway a lot was thrown off. Diet because I ate out and ate food I'm not used to. I actually like cooking myself, eating simply, and eating clean. So this week back to habits. Worked some more today. This is going to make this week so much better. It's going to be a really stressful week because of a deadline. There is a lot going on and a lot of pressure. So this means I have to be on top of my spiritual game. same with exercise and other good habits. These allow for high performance. So i want to keep this going strong. + Spiritual practice: Made time and had a nice evening session of chanting and meditation + Attitude of service: Went and got my parents take out coffee in the morning, good example of how I need to be. Have an orientation to being helpful. Generally good outside energy. / Life habits: in some areas good, but made compromises in others because I wasn't in my normal routine + Freedom from fear, self pity, worry, doubt: Good here. Never really fell into these + Positive/optimistic: Generall good, but in the back of my mind is some negativity about being older, not making enough money. That's the negative belief I do entertain from time to time. Even though life is pretty awesome this thought comes up. Overall: Was thinking today about the idea of giving my life to God. This is talked about a lot as a spiritual practice. Just dedicating yoruself to spirituality. The idea that God works through me, that I'm and instrument for spirituality. With this... I started to think what this means if you take it literally. One thing is that I would be in situations and have to meet those situations for a meaning or purpose. And that I would have no basis to complain about circumstances. If I'm in a situation it's because God wants me to learn something from it and overcome adversity. this is interesting to think about. There is no basis for complaining or bitching about things. I gave my life to God, it's up to me to move forward, not bitch and complain. Anyway, I can't complain or worry about where I'm at or compare. I just have to keep moving forward.

July 24 A really solid day even though I was off on habits. Still had a lot of good habits but didn't do a long meditation. My parents came to visit and that went really well. Just hung out with them and it was fun. It was nice to do something different. So all around a good day. I also got a lot done for work. Normally I don't work Saturdays but I am for now because of a deadline. I didn't feel stress too much and I was productive. Yesterday I forgot to mention that I had a small resentment and disagreement at work. It doesn't feel like a big deal but I have to be up front about this and avoid bigger problems. Fortunately I'm still thinking about service and not too personally attached to the outcome of the disagreement. Basically I thought I was made to look kind of bad, so I felt threatened. I also thought that the person didn't really stick up for me. But whatever, that's just my interpretation. And I was at fault for getting upset by this internally. I really don't want things like this to phase me. Fortunately it wasn't a big deal, and my reaction wasn't bad or anything. Regardless I just want to keep an attitude of service at work. So that's it really for today. Really solid day.

July 23 Today i controlled all the things I could control. My good habits and a good intention with my attitude. My effort was good also. Problem is I'm feeling a little fatigued from work and the pressure. I'm not really stressed out or going into an emotional tailspin. I'm just tired and zombie like. I don't have the usual vitality from a solid day. And today was a solid day all around. Problem is too that I have to work some this weekend to meet a deadline. Usually I unplug and thats good for my well being. BUt with this deadline I got to get some things done this weekend. So that has taken some wind out of my sails. I'm a little bummed out and worried about this low vitality carrying over to next week. But I have to make a sacrifice. Good thing is I'm going to make the best of it. At least sleep in tomorrow, then do some work, then see my parents. So it will be a good day. A good barometer for how I feel is actually how much I think about my last job. When I'm feeling bummed out or fatigued I think about it and all the good things. And I also start worrying about money and how I made way more at that job. What's funny is on solid days I never think about it. It's funny how that disasatisfaction will surface. Honestly though my life is pretty good. My relationship with God and spiritual practice is strong. My habits are the best they've ever been. My job has good potential in a nice field, so even though I'm entry level there is at least potential. So reviewing the day... my effort and habits were 100% there. I got a good amount done. And overall... today would usually be a super solid day that I'm stoked about. It's just the fatigue caught up with me. So gonna get some rest now.

July 23 Lots of good things to report on today. I kept a good attitude of service at work. I'm saying yes to a lot of things. Makes me think of "we have to develop the sense of being in a brotherhood or partnership with all those around us, we had to give constantly of ourselves without any expectation of return. When we persistently did this people were attracted to us as never before." That's a tough ideal to live up to but I want to. I really want to be a positive force at work. Someone people want to work with. Someone that people see as helpful. Plus if I go into work with an attitude of service I leave all expectations behind. I don't need anything from anyone, I'm just there to be helpful. Because in reality I'm definitely not out for a promotion... all i really would like is to be able to work remotely. I'd love to have mobile income. That's my goal really, so if I do this job well I'm sure it's at least a possibility since I started remote and proved that I can do it. Now I'm in the office twice a week... but i really want to be remote. A good goal to work toward. One thing difficult today was all the pressure at work. There really are a lot of tasks. We have a deadline soon and we're not prepared. I'm doing a lot to stay focused and work hard but there's no way it's enough. Good news is i'm not cracking under pressure. I feel it sometimes, but I'm doing my best to stay positive. Truthfully I end up feeling more fatigued than stressed. I'd like to work a little more but somedays my mental concetration is just gone. Hopefully I can build up this endurance. I feel really connected to God right now. Just in general and in everything I do. I'm feeling more and more the presence. I want to foster this awareness and keep it as the central component of my life. I need to look at work as a manifestation of this. Sometimes I think is all there is to life just work and routine... but I need to chase away those thoughts. Instead this is where God wants me to meet new challenges and rely on him to demonstrate a type of usefulness and contentedness. Looking for negatives... just the fatigue and stress from work. But I handled those okay. Glad tomorrow is Friday.

July 22 I'm going to change up my review a little and focus more on the specifics of the day and less on the categories I've been tracking. Honestly, I'm doing so well with the consistency of my spiritual practice and good habits I'm kind of reporting the same thing over and over and missing some other things unique to a day. So I'll try out something different, maybe I'll go back. I actually started an excel spreadsheet to track all my good habits. I'm doing so awesome I really want some evidence of this! So today I bounced back after yesterday. Yesterday I definitely felt some pressure at work. Today I turned to God like I always do and had a strong day. So I definitely grew and moved forward. It's good to note that I can have a bad day and not go into a tailspin. I'm relying on God for strength. And my habits are so strong that I don't emotionally crash. I'm too active and have too many good things in my life. today was good because I actually have a year no porn. I'm really glad for this. I definitely feel more discipline and better off because of it. When I get in a relationship my sex life will be better because of this also. I could journal about this more, but I'll probably post something on it sometime. Regardless I'm feeling sexually strong because I've also normalized a retention schedule of one day a week release and retain for 6. This takes a lot of discipline also and I feel the benefit from this. Really the only thing missing is the girl. But I'm trying not to worry about this. If i keep on the path I'm on there is no doubt I will have good things in my life including a girl. Honestly nothing really negative to report today. Really solid all around. Great day. I had a really powerful morning meditation. That was good. These are becoming very frequent. I love setting aside time in the morning for God, staying in contact throughout the day, and then reviewing and returning to God at night. Today I also worked on setting some 12 week goals. I'm in a group with 2 other friends to stay accountable. I'm really motivated now. I definitely feel like I can stick with my goals. Because of all the momentum I have. when I already have a bunch of good habits regularly in my life, any extra good habit is actually really easy to incorporate... compare this to when in the past when I was in self pity, fear, worry, doubt. at that time even one good habit seemed impossible. So that's why I can't let off the gas!

July 21 + Spiritual practice: Good morning practice. Really solid effort. Didn't get around to chanting or a second session. I've lost some consistentcy with chanting and practicing. Need to work this back in. + Attitude of service: Really good at work today. Just trying to be helpful and contribute. I get worried sometimes that I'm an imposter, I'm faking it till I make it, so this service attitude is good for making me feel useful. Not too many opportunities outside of work for service, but I had good outside energy today and not stuck too much in my own turmoil. + Life habits: Good here. I'm up early and not compromising on habits. I'm really in great shape, really lean and strong. Good energy also. / Free from fear, worry, doubt, self pity: Actually really good most of the day. However with a big deadline coming up at work I'm a little worried about things. I had a really solid day, worked hard and stayed on task. At the end I got a little thrown off by some extra tasks and the realization of this deadline. I didn't go into a tailspin, but it's hard to enjoy time off after work. It's like it's still on my mind. With this I just have to drop it. When I'm done I'm done. My effort is good, the results are in God's hands. I can't let any of these creep in and derail my progress. / Positive optimistic: Overall good but affected by above Overall: Actually a really solid day. I really did well at work and got a lot done. I had good motivation and attitude. I did work an extra hour and a half, which I want to make the norm really. 7:30 to 6:00 will be good with an hour break to refocus on lunch. So today at the end I did feel a little fatigued mentally and emotionally. So I can keep building my endurance and this will feel normal. I do want a high performance life, and part of that is getting away from work. So after work I do need to unplug. So, keep at it and keep up the progress tomorrow.

July 20 + Spiritual practice: Good here. Nice morning meditation and prayer. Didn't chant or do a second session today. I did go to a meeting which was good. / Attitude of service: Okay. I was helpful and desired to be helpful. But I also was stuck in a little bit of worry and self absorption. Some adversity happened today, plus I didn't feel as energized as normal. This affected my outward energy. + Life habits: This was good. I'm controlling what i can control. Up at 4:25 am, exercise, cold shower, self care, spiritual practice. Plus diet is good. / Freedom from fear, self-pity, worry, doubt. Days like today happen. Not everyday can be perfect. I fell into some of these today. But I reacted appropriately and didn't fall deep into these. A good barometer for if I fall into these is if I start thinking of my old job. On solid days that never comes up. On difficult days it does and i miss it. This job is difficult with learning and stress, my previous job was physically demanding but not a lot of stress. That's probably why when I feel a little stressed I romanticize it and miss it. / Positive/optimistic: I was never actually negative, I just wasn't my positive energetic self that I've become. So never was overly cynical or critical, but I didn't live up to the high standard I've set. +Reaction to adversity: Good here. Tough day at work, not horrible but tough. I stuck with it. Then after work I filled my day with good habits. Went to a meeting, talked with friends, cooked healthy food, worked on a vision exercise, worked on a step study I'm gonna do with a sponsee. Everything within my control I really did today so a good score on that. Overall: Okay day. It wasn't bad. Just not up to the high standard I'm setting. I know I'm very likely to bounce back strong tomorrow. I've been having a bunch of great days. So I'm gonna aim for that. Get some good sleep and start tomorrow new.