Jai

Aug 31 + Spiritual practice: good morning session. M-F sessions are solid + attitude of service: pretty good, not stuck in self, trying to be helpful + Life habits: really solid, this has a good impact in all areas of life + seeing potential in others: a little better. reminding myself of this, being less critical, slight shifts in mentality over time make a difference + mental and emotional states: solid here. Positive overall, good perspective on the day. Also reminding myself of my relationship with God and how I'm here to follow and serve. Overall: The main thing to note is that the adversity I've seen is there is a little tension at work with a coworker. I want to do my best to releive this. The good news is I don't have any resentment lately, so that puts me in a good spot to be able to improve this. I can also begin to look for other areas to improve this. Over time I definitely think that things will settle in nicely. Right now there is a lot of stress over a project and I think that it could be related to that. So everyday I want to do my best to improve this.

Balance before: 5,044.73 Previous Balance: 4,206.69 Saved in August: 838.04 + 200 (that i took out to just hide for emergency but won't spend) = 1,038.04 Plus retirement contributions 219.90 Total savings 1,257.94 of 2,215.73 = 56.8% Balance after: 7,259.76 Notes: Good month, but i have to keep a spiritual focus on having enough and on gratitude. It's easy to fall in the mentality that I'm not making fast enough progress. I fall into comparing how I'm doing with how much I saved before. Before I was saving way more at another job. So I fall into focusing on the past instead of how I'm doing right now. I really have to live in gratitude. Trust God, see all the gifts in my life.

I'm starting a journal on staying grateful, being spiritual with work, and saving money. I want to track how much I save and my attitude toward money. I want to stay positive, live in gratitude and faith, and not have fear over finances and the future. The truth is that fear over the future and money can really disconnect me from spirit and from God. Probably not going to update this that often since I get paid monthly haha. But I'm sure I'll have some other things I want to keep track of. My money situation is okay but not great. Way better than 2 years ago. 2 years ago I was pretty broke. Then I got a job as a mechanic on ships and saved every cent. I only made $14 an hour but I saved $34,000 in under a year. I did this by working a TON of overtime, and not spending money on anything. I lived on ships a lot of the time, ate on ships, and became really frugal to get some savings and security. But the job was difficult on my body and I always felt injured. I decided to leave because I thought: "I can always go get more money, I only get one body" It was tough leaving because I actually really liked that job, the coworkers, the travel all over the world, the pay, the satisfaction with fixing things and working with tools. A lot to like, but I left. I took some time off and traveled the US a little and went to Thailand for a couple months. Took almost a year off in total. I fell into some fear and self pity over work and the future, but I got a job now and things feel good. I like working, it makes me be economical with my time, it gives me something to aim for. The truth is that nobody is going to build the future I want except for me. So I got to work for it. Good news is I got an entry level tech job as a database admin at a university. It's interesting. I'm learning a lot, I'm excited about the job. And there is a lot of potential in tech. This year I'll make about what I saved last year. But I'm not worrying about the money. If I worry about how much less I make then I get disconnected from God. I lose gratitude and appreciation, and I start to enjoy life less. Instead, I'm focusing on how sweet my life really is, how I have moderate financial security, I'm not in debt, I'm a minimalist and frugal, but I still have nice hobbies. So I can journal about that. Without thinking too much about it, and maybe i'll revise, but I want to save $12,000 this year in addition to my retirement contributions. So a grand a month. At my highest savings point i was saving like $4,000 a month as a mechanic. But I know if I trust God, work hard, stay grateful, and have a good relationship with money now, there will be opportunity in the future to earn more. Just gotta trust God and practice service at work. June 30 Balance before pay: $3,054.11 Net Pay: $2,227.73 Balance after pay: $5,281.84 Retirement contributions not part of net pay: $219.90 So for July to hit my goal I got to live off of $1,227.73. I think I can do this. My rent is $525, and I'm pretty minimalist. I do gotta pay for a couple things. Set up a dr.'s appointment, I'm going camping this weekend and gotta drive a long way and buy a couple lunches. So this may not be the most typical month. But I'm gonna aim for this goal. I've also been donating to a couple spiritual organizations so I want to keep that going. My overall situation now is: checking $5,281, and a little over $20,000 in savings. Will probably move some of this to an index fund especially since I'm working again.

Aug 30 / Spiritual practice: not up to my high standards. I went hiking for 8 hours today, too exhausted for anything now. Did set aside a little time in the morning. weekends I'm unwinding and getting out a lot, but not really pushing my practice + Attitude of service: Okay I guess. Pretty good outward energy. Overall pretty strong. + Life habits: good. Still took a cold shower, hiked for 8 hours in the mountains. I'm living an active healthy life / Seeing potential in others: Okay, I remind myself to look for this. However my initial reaction isn't always positive. I need to really retrain myself. / Mental and emotional states: Okay but not great. Sunday is a tough day for me. I was never negative today and never really fell into terrible anxiety, but it's that I also know that Monday is coming and it's like I should feel anxious. I don't really give myself the freedom to not worry. It's odd also because usually Monday is a really strong day for me. This is just out there consistently on Sunday's. Hopefully I learn my job better and settle in more. Overall: Still a good day. Not bad by any means. Just really tired from the hike. I did have a good experience with God. Just really felt connected during the hike. I also just made a deeper commitment to follow God. It's like that's the best strategy I can have. I want to really give my life to God and have faith. I would rather do this then try on my own. I know how much life feels better when I make effort to grow closer to God. That's what the daily meditation and prayer is, plus other good spiritual habits. Just seeking connection and direction. So I'm commititng to this, it's a top priority in my life. Plus, I want tolook at lifes problems as a chance to demonstrate God working through me. I don't want to worry about outcomes because God is guiding me.

Aug 24 / Spiritual practice: Not up to high standards, set aside a little time in the morning but not the robust practice I'm used to + Attitude of service: Went to meet with a sponsee. It was great, really just trying to share my experience and be helpful. I do feel God working through me, I'm able to share my experience way better when I have a strong spiritual practice + Social life: went out to ecstatic dance event and had a great time. Really felt good to be out and meet some cool people. I felt really connected. I definitely want to be more social and get out and get dialed in here. + Mental and emotional states: Good. Never really fell into negativity. + Seeing potential in others. Better today. I'm starting to move this into the right direction. Overall: Great day. Did service and was helpful, had pretty good habits, went out and had fun. Feel like God is in my life.

Aug 28 + Spiritual practice: Solid again, as always for the past 4+ months. Keep this up. + Attitude of service: Pretty good outward energy. Want to be helpful to others + Life habits: Good. This is normal now. / Mental and emotional states: Thinking about past job too much. I don't have a lot of trust in God. I have doubt, I think I made a mistake, I reminisce about how great that job was. This pulls me out of gratitude. Not a bad day here, but just trying my best. / Seeing potential in others: Not bad, but this really wasn't on the forefront of my mind. Better than where I was before, but not where I want to be. Overall: Another solid day. Not too much to complain about. I just want to settle in. Today I was a little worried about money and the future. I'd like to build a nice future for myself. But I can't worry about it, I would rather have faith, work hard, have trust, perservere, etc. Not sit in worry and regret. This wasn't particularly bad today, it's just the weird narrative I have. Anyway truthfully a pretty solid day. So want to keep this going. I'm meeting with a sponsee tomorrow so I'm pumped about that.

Aug 27 + Spiritual Practice: Another good day. Chanted in the morning. This is the new thing. + Attitude of service: I was really helpful today for a coworker. This felt good. I was really enthusiastic to help, that's what I want to do and how I want to be. I hope I can get a lot of my tasks down and do more service like this. Good outward energy. + Life habits: Strong again. It's amazing how much I can fit in a day now. + Mental & emotional states: Good overall. I feel some strain at work, but capable of holding up. Works a challenge but the more I adapt the better off I am. + Seeing potential in others: Plus for reminding myself this todya. I am catching myself and starting to see this more. More imporvement needed. But good today. Overall: Good today. Free from resentment pretty much, pretty optimistic as well. Grateful for an awesome boat ride with a friend after work. I felt really connected on this boat ride. Just an overwhelming feeling of God's presence. All the work I'm putting in is paying off. I can feel more and more the presence of God. I have to overcome whatever reservations I still have and fully commit. This has to be the path in life with the best results. So I have to keep up all my good work.

Aug 26 Wow, before I do a review I want to write about being of service today. I picked up a new sponsee and we chatted for the first time. I really felt connected, useful, confident and in God's presence. It's amazing what 4 months of consistent spiritual practice can do. I really have something spiritual to offer. I feel the presence of God in my life. In terms of sponsorship I have something to offer because I'm living it. Having sponsees is so good for me because it keeps me on top of my game. The whole reason I got back into a spiritual practice this seriously is because I picked up a sponsee and committed to it 4 months ago. Both of us are still going strong. New sponsee will be up and running as well soon. Who knows if he'll stick with it. I have to. I don't want to go back to spiritual laziness. Day in and day out I want to grow closer to God. My life is going so much better now. + Spirtual practice: Foundation of it all. Doing it. Morning chanting is going better. I just have to really get ready quickly tomorrow so i have time for this. + Attitude of service: Keeping up good attitude. Good outward energy. Trying to be helpful at work. + Life habits: strong. i'm busy but I still have time to run 1.5 miles, do bodyweight exercises and bike a few miles. On a day when I worked 9 hours. + Mental and emotional states: Staying strong in the face of pressure, stress, adversity. Just doing my best. Lot's of growth here. Just need to stay positive. / Seeing potential in others: Not bad. Just a neutral day. it's like I have to train myself and remind myself to spot good things in others Overall: Solid day. gotta stay strong in the face of adversity and stress. Work is gonna be work. Can't let it throw me off.

Aug 25 + Spiritual practice: Got chanting in this morning. this could be a good model. I got to stay focused and move quickly to work out and get ready so I have a little extra time like today. + Attitude of service: Good. Trying here to do my best at work. Good outward energy + Life habits also good. This is becoming normal. + Mental and emotional states: During the day I became a little overwhelmed with work but I held it together. A lot going on, hard to learn it all. I paused when in doubt, turned to God. After work I felt some good relief, I just let work be. I'm feeling like I'm getting better with handling the adversity. Every day I want to be on top of this. Overall: Solid day. Not too much to complain about. Good effort on my part. I'm moving forward pretty much everyday. I really like this, I just have to keep it together when work puts on the pressure. I'm relying on God for that. Shared at a meeting about step 6. That was good. Also just reflecting how much God has entered my life over the past 4 months. I'm really getting dialed in to spirit. Big thing is to never let off the gas. I can't go back this time to spiritual mediocrity and drop a spiritual practice. I really want to stay strong here. It really is the foundation. I also want to stay grateful. It's easy to focus on what I don't have, on how I'm not making money progress fast enough. instead I want to focus on gratitude. All the great things I have and how lucky I am.

Aug 24 + Spiritual practice: Really good. Solid morning meditation. But still not chanting. It's a being busy thing. Lately I've been spending more time with friends. When I moved here I didn't have as many friends so I had more time to chant. I do miss it though. + Attitude of service. Better today. Good outward energy. Good focus on this. Good attitude at work as well. Service makes good days happen. + Life habits: solid. This is the new me. I like the new me. Good habits are natural. There's been a lot of forest fires in Colorado so the air quality is really bad. I'm a little worried about not being able to work out and not being able to do WHM breathing. + Positivity/seeing potential in others: Overall good outlook on the world. Felt great about the day. Felt really connected. Also have been better at directing my thoughts and being less critical of others. I'm occupying a better space and I want to continue this. So progress today. + Resentment/reactionary emotional thoughts: Progress here. i need to be watching this closely. Resentment can derail my progress at work. I need to succeed with coworkers and relationships so I can't get resentful or have bad emotional reactions to things. So today i did good, but I can also notice small things that can grow. So I want to make these go away. Overall: Solid day and bounced back from an off day yesterday. Good start to the week and I want to do the same tomorrow. If my actions attitude, and effort stay where they are then I'm always more likely to have a good day than a bad day. I'm putting together a nice life here, I just need to keep it up and also be patient. Some things take time.

Aug 23 / Spiritual practice: okay but not great. Not up to my high standard. Still put in some effort though and going to go meditate now. / Attitude of service: Kind of stuck in inner turmoil. Not the best example of a day of outward energy and looking to be helpful. / Life habits: Good in some areas. I stepped it up and had a productive computer session. I took a cold shower and did some WHM breathing. Ate healthy. But I didn't have good sexual discipline. Released early in the morning and that throws off my energy for the day. That's not optimal. Plus I'm starting to release twice a week instead of once, I do have more energy when I release once a week on weekends. Anyway, I've already known that I should release at night and not in the morning. It does throw off my energy for the day entirely. / Positivity&seeing potential in others: Not super engaged in the day and not super connected. Didn't have a strong orientation to the world. Overall: Not a horrible day, just not up to the standards of love and vitality that I normally have. I wasn't super connected, and I want to improve my connection. Good lessons for the day though. I did a good job of being productive. Also, some anxiety over work came back. Minor, but it's there. I just need to remind myself of how good the work week normally goes. Plus, how much better off I am working than not working. I'm making progress toward a goal a day at a time. And even today I can say I moved forward. So I'm happy about that.

Aug 22 Overall: A really solid day. Really took today to focus on spirit. Had a friend visit and we did a mini spiritual retreat. Good attitude of service and outward energy. Not stuck in self. The only doubts I do have are around money and my last job. That does surface regularly. Regardless today had some nice meditation sessions and was really aware of God. So got to keep this uo

Journal Topics *Separation from God. Once again, this is the real problem. I'm starting to see that through my own bad habits, bad thought processes, bad emotional reactions I prolong this separation. Lately, I've really focused on my spiritual practice and I've seen a really consistent connection. That's what I want, have a connected spiritual state, not suffer from separation. I can't go back to the old struggle. I really need to keep my foot on the gas. The price to pay is a consistent spiritual practice and making God a priority. Seeking to do God's will and seeking to have God work through me. In the past I've made progress but I always get lazy and back off my spiritual practice. This time I really want to give my life to God. I've already had 4 months of daily spiritual practice, the momentum I have is spectacular. I'm facing problems and stepping up. I'm challenging myself and succeeding. It's not always easy but I do have God in my life to help me meet adversity. So I can't go back to separation to God. I don't want that to be my default setting, I want connection to be my default setting. *God's will and goal setting: This is a tough one to figure out. Spiritual people often talk about aligning their life to God's will. Or letting spirit guide them. However you want to describe it in a symbolic way. The one thing I can say is that for me to feel aligned with God's will I need a consistent spiritual practice. That opens up the path, that gives me motivation, it gives me assurance I'm heading in the right direction. It's a good way to feel connected and led by God. What it also does is allows me to feel more spiritually inspired. With that I think I can begin to trust my thoughts and emotions, my default setting becomes more connected. i have the channel to God open and can receive. The point is also that my orientation about goals and the future changes. I see things in terms of service, of how I can be positive, etc. So I don't think goals are a bad thing. The point is where is the origin source, and what is my intention. And how willing am I to change? Am I really receptive to God's direction? I obviously should be. So I do have a vision from the future... and a lot of this vision has to be the person I want to become. The qualities I want to take on, the changes I want to make, and the repercussions that will have in the outside world. So overall, I do think it's healthy to think and plan for the future and at the same time trust God and rely on God for guidance. If I feel God inspired and connected I can trust that my own thoughts and emotions are good and inspired guides. *Implications of giving life to God: With this, if I literally give my life to God what it means is that I'm here to meet the circumstances I'm presented with. There can't be any complaining. I have to step up to the plate and meet the challenges. This seems to be admirable, it's like we're characters in an epic quest, trying to complete our journey. And like any protagonist we will be faced with difficulty and adversity. The point is not to complain about this, or fall into bad habits, or recede from the situation. Instead to meet the situations courageously. I do think God calls on each of us to face adversity. No one has a life without adversity. My point is that I have to accept this and do my best. Adversity will force me to grow spiritually. Ultimately I'm supposed to meet every situation anyway. Whatever challenge is there I will have to meet it or it will present itself to me again. There are certain roadblocks that need to be solved. I saw that with porn. I knew I couldn't grow spiritually unless I gave up porn. Not because I think it's ethically wrong, more becasue I saw that it created weak mental and emotional states within myself. That test had to be solved and I've done it. There are other things like that. Right now the lesson again is money. I have to improve my money situation, while at the same time staying spiritually grounded and grateful and content with what i hvae. Last implication is really not to regret. Every situation I've had to have. If I'm practicing a spritual life I know I'm on the best possible path, so whatever got me here is good. So I need to stay away from doubt and regret of the past. That is easy to fall into when it comes to thinking about work and money. But I can't go there. I'm exactly where I need to be, facing the circumstances I need to face.So long as i keep growing I'll be okay.

Journal Topics *I think through spiritual practice high levels of mental clarity can be reached. I do think spirituality is an "inner" game played on the mental and emotional level. Take care of that and then actions fall in line. Point is that truly spiritual people do have a developed consciousness, you can feel it in their presence when you meet them. There is an energy and strenght to them. I've begun on this path but have a long way to go. Regardless I'm happy with my progress and effort thus far. I do think I'm changing as a person... and that this change goes deep. I really want that mental clarity and strength and the presence that comes with it. I do think that low level thoughts/emotions like fear, doubt, regret, worry, etc. are things that block God's reality. And a lot of time I fall in to those becasue of poor care of my thoughts/emotions and bad choices I make. I fall into the same problems and experience the same poor results because of my own shortcomings and unwillingness to change. I want to become more willing to change and to do even more. *A big problem with mental clarity is losing focus on the spiritual reality of things. It's easy to fall into the trap that the material world and how to get ahead in society is all that matters. It's easy to lose focus. For too long I've been kinda in between, I haven't really committed to the world of the spirit. I've kinda just kept it somewhat a priority but never really committed to seeing it as the fundamental reality. I think that is where i need to grow more. I also think a lot of truly spiritual people see spiritual reality in a literal way as the fundamental reality. I want to start training my mind to think like this. I think it's so beneficial when dealing with other people. If I see their God like nature and spiritual essence I see them for who they really are. In normal life it's way to easy to be judgmental and critical of other people, and see them as being in the way, or see them as someone that I need to get a desired outcome from. I really want to have a more solid spiritual perspective and have this as my default setting. I think this is important in problem solving. The problems in life, the real problems are soul problems or spiritual problems. I need to see these as the problems. Not the external issues that arise from time to time. It's easy to get caught in them, but it's like solve one, ignore the real soul problem, watch another external problem show up. I want to also practice more the idea that reliance on God can solve my problems. It's sounds like a silly idea, and how would that work. But I do want to turn to God for direction and strength to make changes. I want this to be the new strategy. Have God in my life, have a spiritual practice in my life, and work on persistent internal problems like being judgmental of others, feeling insecure, feeling fear of the future, feeling regret of the past. These are the real problems. I've had a lot of progress so far, but I know there is more to be done.

Journal Topics *The whole spiritual problem I think boils down to separation from God. That is the main problem, feeling and living disconnected from a spiritual essence. The goal is really a consistent spiritual connection and awareness, to have a spiritual experience and reorganize my whole being toward this relationship. This really is the big problem to solve. All my other problems are minor compared to being disconnected from God. If I truly have God and rely on God in my life, then every other difficulty gets solved through relying on God, turning to God for strength and faith. There is no life without adversity, life will be difficult and I will be challenged. I will feel like I can't make it at times, that's why I need a deep faith and relationship with God. When I feel connected and when I live a life that has meaning and purpose because of a spiritual practice I truly feel transformed. That's why I'm so consistent, I know that to have a deep relationship with God I have to cultivate it. The cumulative effect of spiritual practice is a deep and profound change in myself. Any other problem in life is just a distraction from the main problem, separation from God. Money, the future, what people say, any other problem is just a distraction from the main problem. So my focus really needs to be commiting to connecting with God. That's where I'll allocate my effort and focus. I do think that is the great strategy. *So really the presence of God as a central fact in my life. That's the goal and true north on the compass. I want to know and feel God in my life in a meaningful way. Lately this is becoming more and more evident. I mean I can really sense God, the sense of peace and serenity I get from time to time, the sense of security, the sense of feeling I'm living a satisfying spiritual life. All of that is evidence. All of that is a byproduct of the work I'm doing to connect. I definitely feel more connected and have further to go. The point is that God has to become the central fact in my life. The difficult part is all of the distractions that want to convince me other things are more important. Like success/money... I can get there if I just plan well and work hard, no need to rely on God. Who would rely on God anyway, it sounds unclear and uncertain. Lower forms of myself, trying to convince me to fall back into laziness and bad habits... I'm doing too much, no need to pray and meditate so much. The quest toward God is man's great quest. The spirtual journey is ancient and ambitious. More distractions than ever in a man made world. It's really easy to forget about spirituality. But I have to commit to this journey. This is the best bet I can make in life. What else would I bet on? Won't a life dedicated toward God and spirituality give the best results. So it's up to me to commit.

Aug 21 + Spiritual practice: Good today as basically always. I was able to chant which was good. I was rusty. I need to be more consistent. I guess this is the one area where I can step it up. + Attitude of service: Good here. Good outward energy. Trying hard to be helpful at work. Really putting forth good effort. + Life habits: Very consistent here. I'm just living a really healthy life and trying to optimize performance + Resentment: Good here, didn't feel much anger or being upset over things + Positivity/optimism: Good here. Overall pretty excited about life. / Seeing potential in others: Okay, but not where I want to be. This is going to take some work. I need to really internalize that we're all one, and just see the God nature in everyone. I've made a lot of improvement with becoming postive so I know a mental change like this is possible. So I definitely want to work toward this Overall: I'm starting to notice how clean of a mental space I've cultivated by eliminating distractions. I'm just busy with work, life, good habits and good hobbies. I'm also noticing the balance I need to strike between being satisfied with enough and setting goals for the future. Today it was clear, I listened to a spiritual podcast in the morning and had a really good perspective on the present and appreciated where I'm at... then in the afternoon I listened to a motivational podcast... but it made me think that I've made a bunch of mistakes, that there isn't a lot of time, that I'm behind, etc. It was really clear to see how these affected my mental and emotional state. I'm definitely convinced that the game is played on the mental and emotional level. And that I'm a more effective performer when I'm spiritually connected and with God. So I need to prioritize the God message. Planning for goals and working hard is important... but I've also already arrived. I also need to feel satisfied with the life I'm living. Because I'm 100% on the right path and I feel and know it. I'm getting more and more confirmation each day

Aug 20 + Spiritual Practice: Good. Really solid prayer session. Good orientation for the day. I'm also listening to a great spiritual podcast in the morning. This has a good impact on my orientation also. I go into the day connected with God and with a good sense of love. + Attitude of service: Also good. Good outward energy. Willing to be helpful. Not stuck in inner turmoil or self. This is the way to go. Service sometimes seems difficult, but ultimately I'm here to serve God. This sort of orientation gets me out of low energy and falling into my own problems. + Life habits: Good. This is how I live now. I love it like this. Just solid habits all around. + Resentment: Winning this battle. I'm on the offensive and changing my mental reactions. Getting back to where I want to be. + Positivity/optimism: Great today. Where I want to be. Left work feeling energized. / Seeing potential in others: My first reaction is sometimes off. i catch myself, but I still have critical reactions. I want to have more positive reactions and retrain myself to be affirmative and recognize what's good about others. Overall: A great day. I turned a corner at work and didn't feel stressed. I had good focus. I had better internal emotional and mental states toward my coworkers and toward tasks. I feel like I'm on a good path to God. I just got to keep it up. This has to become my normal life. I don't want to fall back into bad habits and feeling disconnected. I just have to stick with this no matter what.

Aug 19 + Spiritual practice: Good job. It's the norm now. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy, not stuck in inner turmoil. Focused on others generally speaking + Mental and emotional state: Good here today. good energy and motivation. Felt strong all day / Resentment: Improvement, but still minor disturbances. This has a lot to do with being stressed and having a lot to do. Today I rose above that though, I went a long time without any resentment so now that it shows up a little I'm bothered. I want to change this and adapt to the stressful circumstances without being upset + Positivity/optimism: Where I want to be. Felt good today about life. + God connection: felt it again, it's been a few stressful days where that has been a barrier. Today I broke through a little and felt connected / Seeing potential in others: okay but I notice an instant critical thought when I was shopping where i thought somehting critical. I want my first thought to be positive. Overall: really solid day. Felt good to adapt to stressful time at work. Also can't wait for this weekend. Meeting up with a friend and doing a step study

Aug 18th + Spiritual practice: Good today. I was a little spacey during meditative prayer, my mind wandered a little, but still good effort overall. Did a second meditation session also. / Attitude of service: Pretty good here, pretty good outward energy until in the afternoon I got in my head a little bit. Definitely willing to be helpful. + Life habits: The norm is pretty strong. It's kinda amazing the habits I'm keeping up. / Mental&emotional states (resentment): Okay but i was thrown off in the afternoon a little becasue of a minor resentment that I don't want to grow. And it's totally my fault. I just had a negative reaction to feedback at work. I caught it right away and noticed it and actually did a really good job of that. the problem is that I fell into worry/fear a little bit. It's like I started to question if I'm doing enough, what I'm doing isn't good enough, etc. Also felt some disatisfaction and disconnection. It got me out of gratitude and it was hard to enjoy free time after work. I think i need to emphasize that more. I have to unplug better so I'm more connected. I think this resentment is somewhat a byproduct of stress, and worry. Regardless, I want to avoid emotional reactions like this. I want to have an attitude of service in situations like this and a willingess to change and grow. / Positivity&optmism: okay, still overall on the positive side. Just lost a little momentum in the afternoon. Feeling.less confident and convicned about life, goals, etc. I do like feeling energized. So gonna try to bounce back tomorrow. + Seeing potential in others: Training myself. On my bike ride reminded myself to recognize the good in others and wonder what kinds of nice things they do for other people, Overall: Still a solid day. Definitely a day of growth. I know in the past that I can let resentments go unchecked. I want to be on top of any mental/emotional disturbance because I always want to have solid reactions. And today was good because it's not like I even got upset. I'm just upset with an instinctive reaction. I am disappointed that I tend to fall into doubt about work, the future, etc. That is almost a bigger problem. I want to embrace life and enjoy it and this is a considerable barrier to that. today I definitely put in good effort, tried my best, buitl good habits. So I can continue with those. All of this is a challenge of faith, deep down I still have some fear of things not working out, and I haven't fully committed to service and God's will. So there is some more acceptance i have to do. And also really committing to the spiritual path. Really making that the priority.

Aug 17 + Spiritual practice: Good morning session. Spiritual podcast is also putting me in a really strong mental and emotional state. I do feel more love in my heart and in my mentality. I'm in a good spot and this is growing more. I feel like I'm shifting to a more permanent state of spiritual awareness - provided that I keep adding fuel to the fire. + Attitude of service: I really tried to bring the best attitude to work today. I really tried to have an open heart toward my co-workers. To just be willing to be helpful, to adapt to them and communicate effectively. This is definitely what I want more of. I'm placing my bet on service. I don't want to rise to the top or have an idea that I have to succeed at all costs. I just want to be a part of this team and settle in and have really solid relationships at work. So I want to adapt and show that God is working through me. + Life habits: back to solid habits. So strong during the day. + Positivity/optimism: pretty good today. Wasn't overly optimistic but never fell into negativity. Didn't fall back into regret or doubt. I want to keep this up since for the most part I've become the positive person I set out to be. / Seeing potential in others: Never really practiced this habit. I didn't think negatively of other people so that's good. But I didn't consciously practice seeing good things in others. so tomorrow I want to have examples of doing this. Overall: A strong day. I had a little work anxiety in the morning, but work went well. I prepared myself as best I can, getting up early, good habits, spiritual practice, asking God for guidance and looking to serve God. I want to get even further away from the anxiety and doubt. I'm glad I'm working, work is good for me. I'm doing my best and trusting and relying on God. So I'll let God handle the anxiety. Since I'm doing my best and trying to do service I can just not worry since they can just go ahead and fire me. I'm happy with my best effort.

Aug 16 + Spiritual practice: Had a great evening session of chanting, meditation, listened to a spiritual podcast. Really good to get the connection going heading into the week. Yesterday I felt a little off, even earlier today. But tonight I did a good job of reconnecting. / Attitude of service: Good in some senses, but I was in some inner turmoil this morning. This afternoon I got out of the funk some. I was able to refocus my thoughts on being a servant for God, and letting God work through me. / Life habits: Mixed reviews. I use going to my sisters as an excuse for eating processed foods. Next time I'm bringing myinstant pot and cooking for myself. Other than that pretty good life habits. / Positivity/optimism: Okay, but same story of a kinda tough morning and a really solid afternoon and evening. I need to work on strategies to improve when i'm confronted with adversity and negativity. I want to be more prepared for when this comes. I typically go to a place where I made a mistake leaving my last job and I don't make enough money to feel secure. + Seeing potential in others: I'm making progress today. I'm noticing and remembering to see how people have potential. If I have a critical thought it's immediately replaced by something positive. I want to assume good about other people. Between this and the general positivity I have most of the time I can really transform my mental states. I want to make this a strong habit. Overall: I finished today strong. It felt good to get back to my routine and good habits. I really do get a lot of healthy pleasure and sense of accomplishment from riding my bike, eating right, meditating, etc. When these are taken away I'm more prone to falling into negativity and self pity. I need to work on traveling better with these. If I visit my sister I have to make time for a proper meditation session. Same thing with eating right and other good habits. So that's really it today. I've been reflecting on this week. I really want to come strong at work tomorrow with a good attitude toward my coworkers. I really want to show the love in my heart and my willingness to have good relationships at work. So i want to be extra helpful and always ready to contribute.

Aug 15 - Spiritual practice: I set aside a little time in the morning, but it wasn't enough. I'm staying at my sisters so it's not my normal situation. It's okay to adapt, but my practice wasn't as good as it should be. / Attitude of service: Okay, I did some nice things. Bought a watermelon for us, helped clean up dishes, etc. But I didn't have good outward energy. I was stuck in inner turmoil. Not really focused on others and what I can contribute. / Life habits: Some good things like cold shower, woke up early. But didn't eat clean, didn't drink a gallon of water. - Positivity/optimism: Worried about the future, about the path I'm on. Not very energized or connected. Today I fell into fear and worry. I recognized this, at times stood up to it, but I was generally in a lower state today. Not the normally positive person I am. Part of it is that I feel kind of sad that I don't see my parents and family more. + Seeing potential in others: Progress today. I'm not exactly seeing potential and good things automatically, but I'm mentally reminding myself to and metally catching when I'm critical. So I can continue this. Overall: An odd day. All the reason in the world to be energized and connected. But kind of a tough day. Not really giving myself permission to let go of work and enjoy my time. I'm a little worried about a deadline. Also the conversation I had with my boss can be a factor. No emotional fallout that day or on Friday, but today I'm wondering if I'm doing enough. These things were barriers to really enjoying the day. I need to leave work behind, separating from work is good for my overall performance. Weekends have to be my time. So that's really it, an uncharateristic day where I was more just stuck in self and fell into old, low frequency mental/emotional states.

Do you have a job? How many hours of the week do you work? Seriously, work is a really beneficial thing becasue it makes you be very deliberate with your time. When I wasn't working it was hard to find the effort for good habits. Now that I'm working good habits are the norm. Plus I'm making money and making progress. It's easy to underestimate the importance of work and how that can be beneficial

Aug 14 + Spiritual practice: Good morning session today and extra meditation session during lunch. + Attitude of service: pretty good. Had good outward energy, not stuck in inner turmoil. + Life habits: Really good here. This is feeling more natural and it's becoming like a hobby that is good for me. / Positivity/optimism: Solid here most of the day. Felt really motivated and productive. Trying to improve every day and move forward. Toward the end of the day I dropped off a little. Didn't really feel negative, but I felt a little insecure about my work skills since i'm learning. Maybe it's just because it's Friday and I'm worried about getting behind or unplugging. But regardless, still a really solid and connected day. + Seeing potential in others: Did pretty good here today, wasn't really critical at all. Overall: A solid day. Good habits, good mental and emotional states. Felt pretty connected all day. Definitely moved forward. Minor drop in the afternoon, but this was after work oddly enough. During work I felt pretty good. I guess the worry is that I'm really giving 100%, working hard, having a good attitude, but I'm worried that that may not be enough. I guess that is a fear that surfaced today. I think I have to not worry about this outcome. Be a little more secure, and just move forward.

Aug 13 + spiritual practice: Another solid meditation. But my chanting isn't consistent. I've been pretty busy and that's the one thing I've been doing in the evening. This weekend I'm going to my sisters so it will be extra effort to practice. Regardless, I do think I'm on board for the long haul. + attitude of service: Good here. Good outward energy, looking to be helpful. Not stuck in inner turmoil. + life habits: good. Got a little injury/feeling sore. Tomorrow I'm gonna drop the bodyweight exercises and just run and stretch. + Positivity/optimism: Really good today. I bounced back from yesterday. It's funny how most of my days are good, but on a bad day I do feel disconnected and can't really see things positively. I want to maintain my perspective better even on bad days. / Seeing potential in others (overly critical, don't feel good about myself): Did okay today, reminding myself to see good things in others. But still my initial reaction is critical and to notice or assume flaws. So with this I want to improve. It's definitely possible. I've seen my improvement with being positive. Now I'm a pretty positive person. I want the same mental change here. I want to see the good in other people and assume good things and to have this be my first thought. Overall: Something big to note. I handled a difficult situation at work well with a coworker. I got some negative feedback for the first time and I handled it well. I did feel uncomfortable in the moment a little, but I didn't argue and I was very diplomatic. I recognized their point and basically agreed. Then later I thanked them for the conversation which is true. I'm glad we're having conversations like that. It's better to talk about problems, disagreements etc. then to let them build and not address them. So I'm glad I'm keeping a watchful eye on resentments or being disastified. I want to avoid that at all costs. I really want to do well here with people and be a good contributer. Basically, all the spiritual work I'm doing helped me handle this. And I also avoided any emotional fallout like being upset, angry, insecure, doubtful, etc. It really didn't bother me. I worked some more and then went home and had a good evening. Definitely a nice demonstration of faith and something I want to be the norm.