Jai

Jan 13 Solid day for sure. I felt some frustration at work though. Just some things didn't go right and I recognized the frustration. Also recognized the frustration with others. So not good. I need to be seperated from results and keep my focus on service and keeping an internal strength and peace. So something to work on. Good news was I really kept up with things and my effort is good. Also being helpful, but I have to watch the internal state I'm in and avoid frustration, resentment, anxiety, etc. Beyond that I want to get my meditation up a little bit more, journal when I have the free time, and just overall keep oriented toward performance. The no porn is going good, definitely want to get back to the place i was at when I didn't watch porn for over a year. So good momentum there. Also been doing retention for 10 days and I feel my energy level is good. I want to keep this streak going also. I want my real focus to be on finding a girl to date. So will be putting some effort in here. + Spiritual practice: Good. Typical work day of up early and getting a morning session in. Also had a nice lunch session. + Attitude of service: overall good, but for a moment during the day I fell into a little frustration and was getting upset with others. Got to be on the look out for that. + Mental and emotional states: Generally pretty good today except for the little frustration. Excited about things in general and still on offense. + Life habits: Good here. So important to live clean. Even sleeping on the floor now. I've been getting some great sleep on the floor. Something about discipline and renunciation that gives off a certain pleasure and energy. Moved forward today.

Jan 12 Really solid day today. Was playing on offense today. Felt really good. Had good energy and connection. Handled situations well. Was helpful at work, wasn't stressed and just tried to contribute. Had real positivity and optimism, wasn't in fear and self pity. Idea is to keep the momentum going and not let off the gas. Just keep really clean habits and trying to connect with God. Good news is I'm feeling more comfortable at work. I've been here about 8 months so I'm not really new any more. I'm seen as contributing and that I really give good effort. There is still a lot to learn with the database but there is a lot I already understand. So I'm in a good position. The key is really just trying to do service. I'm not really out to prove anything or have an agenda, I kinda just want be helpful. + Spiritual practice: Still a priority and putting it first. Didn't do my chanting and japa because I went on a walk and listened to a spiritual podcast at lunch. + Attitude of service: Good today, good outward energy. Tried to be helpful. Not stuck in self or my own problems. + Mental and emotional states: Playing on offense, right where I want to be. Optimistic and positive. + Life habits: Good things here. Moved forward today.

Jan 11 Still haven't done a long session journal session. Outside of this I also have some journaling projects. Problem is I'm so busy. I keep a pretty active spiritual practice, work full time, study 18 hours a week, and have other good habits and hobbies. It's tough to get on the computer to journal when I'm already on the computer for 58 hours a week between work and study. Still need to get a session in sometime. Today was a good day all around. Lived really clean, had good energy. Had some really nice God connection and sense of meaning, purpose and peace. Also was pretty helpful at work, although I have to watch getting upset with coworkers. Really need to look out for that. Also just be in it for the long haul and keep doing what I'm doing. I'm on a good track. + Spiritual practice: Decent morning session, also did japa and chanting during lunch. So not a big robust session, but still solid. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy and good contribution at work. + Mental and emotional states: Really good today. overall had good God connection, good perspective, good focus. Was strong today so want to keep up this momentum. + Life habits: All pretty good. Living clean with a lot of discipline. Overall: Moved forward.

Jan 10 Mostly good day. Cleaned my sisters house since I stayed there a night. Felt good to do that. Also had a pretty good morning study session, though got a little frustrated. Hit my weekly goal of 18 hours studying. Mostly positive day, did some spiritual reading and discussion with a friend, that was great. Fell into some distracted internet use and snacked on some processed food at my sisters. Not happy about bad habits. Gotta really work on phone use this week and just keep it away from me. I want to keep my focus also on daily effort and progress. I'm doing good there. I get worried about the future and how difficult it is to learn computer langauges, but I just got to stick with it a day at a time. / Spiritual practice: okay meditation. I alwasy want to do a really long meditation on weekends it's just really hard to find the time since I have to study so much. Still got a meditation in, just didn't get in any chanting or japa. Plus meditation and prayer was only 15 min. + Attitude of service: Cleaned my sisters kitchen really well and was helpful with a friend. Good outward energy. / Mental and emotional states: Good but not great. Still solid, not much negativity, but not forward leaning and optimistic. So I want to be more connected here. / Life habits: Mixed. Mostly good but always eat some junk food at my sisters. Plus wasted some time on the internet this evening also.

Jan 8 Solid day today. Ended up meeting up with a sponsee unexpectedly. We hung out and had a really nice spiritual chat. Really talked about God and spirit and directing our thinking. Was able to also watch some football which is a guilty pleasure. I was still able to get 4.5 hours of studying in so that was good. Gonna have a similar day tomorrow with studying and try to hit at least 4 hours. Today also got up pretty early without an alarm. Went to bed at 8pm and woke up at like 4:45 without an alarm. Was just ready to get up. Got some cleaning done also. Didn't exercise though so that's the negative. This is probably only like the 3rd or 4th day I haven't done at least a little exercise in 7 months or so. But still a solid day. + Spiritual practice: not the same intensity as during the week but nice. Would like to get in a longer meditation tomorrow if possible. Get some studying done and then get in a nice meditation. + Attitude of service: made my friend some nice snacks. Good outward energy. + Mental and emotional states: In a good spot today. Funny how last night I was in a dip. Just got a bit negative and distracted. Bounced back nice todya. / Life habits: overall good still good discipline. But did eat some processed food and didn't exercise. So always on the look out for those.

Had a decent day for most of the day but after work I got a little bogged down. Distracted internet use is the big culprit. It's Friday so I relaxed a little with the intensity of my good habits and started checking dumb internet websites. I also was chatting with a girl on online dating who I honestly wasn't that in to but I thought it would be nice to chat and maybe I would gain interest but I didn't. I kinda knew I wasn't interested in her. So this was just distracting me. and then I got bummed out about online dating again and became kind of negative. I do want to improve my pics and put in some actual effort on here. Also a little bummed because I don't have any plans for the weekend, no skiing, nothing fun really planned. Haven't heard from a couple friends and life has gotten kinda dull recently. So I have a lot of progress going on, but nothing too fun. That's probably part of the reason I want to get into dating a bit more. Anyway so going to go to bed and have a solid day tomorrow. + Spiritual practice: solid day here, putting God first. + Attitude of service: helpful at work and trying to assist and contribute. Good outward energy, God is the center, pretty much here to serve God. / mental and emotional states: all pretty good until after work. Got into a little funk after work and got distracted and a little down. / life habits: Good except for the internet use after work. That bummed me out some. This is one habit I want to work on this year. I definitely need to clean this up. I basically can't be wandering the internet on my phone. So need to be more vigilient with this. Let my guard down on a Friday. Overall still made some forward progress, mindless internet use is the only blemish on a good day.

Jan 7 Another good day. Feel a bit tired right now though and ready for bed. Also glad I went to meet some friends to hang out. That was nice. So I've had a good week and want to keep that up tomorrow. Also glad I've been living super disciplined and clean. Slept on the floor last night. I think that might be a new thing. Hopefully I can get used to that and get solid sleep. Today I noticed I have to keep working on patience with coworkers. Sometimes I get a bit upset and I'd really like to stay calm and patient and be helpful. So that will be present in my mind tomorrow and going forward. Ready for the weekend and to have some nice study sessions and prep for the computer course I'm taking. + Spiritual practice: Another good day of a nice routine. Getting chanting and japa in during lunch works great. Morning meditation solid. Each day I have to prioritize this. + Attitude of service: was helpful at work and good outward energy. Even though I lose a little patience my actions have been toward being helpful. + Mental and emotional states: in a good place today. Pretty positive and connected. Leaning into life and the challenges. Good energy and clarity. + Life habits: good. Ate dinner earlier. Want to do this so I'm not so full when I go to bed. Dinner is my main meal so it seems like I will benefit by eating right after work. Moved forward today.

Jan 6 Another really solid day. on a nice streak. Had a good attitude of service at work and tried to be helpful. I also had really strong habits, I'm trying to really rely on God and have God as the source of strength in my life. So they kinda support each other, simple clean living with good habits supports my God connection, my God connection supports motivation and vitality to have discipline. Today also talked with a friend I hadn't talked to in awhile. Today I had a nice meditation and chanting session. Also going to put some effort in to online dating. Getting some photos taken and just got to work on my dating / social life. online is the way to go now until life gets back to normal. So gonna treat it like any other good habit and just put some decent effort in. + Spiritual practice: Lunch is a pretty decent time to get in chanting and japa. First thing do that on lunch it really is a nice break from work. I can then go for a nice walk also. morning session is solid, whm breathing has also been strong. + attitude of service: good outward energy, not stuck in inner turmoil. Here to serve God. Was thinking about that a bunch. One of the benefits of trying to connect with God is that it puts the focus on God not on me. I'm not the center, God is the center. So all I do is to serve God and show what is possible with God working through me. + Mental and emotional states: Nice and solid and stable. On a great trajectory. Feels like good things are happening. Had a bit of a slump the last couple of months, not really bad, just not the consistent state I was in most of summer and early fall. + Life habits: strong. Big thing is staying away from porn and putting effort in online dating. Overall: moved forward today.

Jan 5 Really nice day overall. Had good effort at work. Tried to be helpful at work. Recognized if i was a little upset or frustrated and tried to move in the opposite direction. Had really strong habits today also so proud of that. Definitely felt like I moved forward. Felt some pretty decent God connection also which I always want to sustain. Overall my life is pretty good - just need to serve God, live it a day at a time and not fall in to comparisons or thinking that I'm not on a good path. Work is going okay and I'll settle back in I anticipate. + Spiritual practice: Had a longer morning session of 30 min, plus shorter sessions at lunch and after work. So it's definitely a priority. Want to focus more on learning the last bit of this chant rather than chanting the whole way through it. Focus on the last push to the end - then I can enjoy saying an entire chant. + Attitude of service: good outward energy today. Never really fell into inner turmoil. Glad to have outward energy and be helpful at work. Need to keep a service perspective instead of an I'm out to acheive somehting or have an agenda perspective. I'm all about personal goals but at work I do best if I just focus on service. + Mental and emotional states: Solid place today. Felt good overall and connected. Positive and optimistic. Also not thinking about porn which is normal, but over the past couple of months I've been caught off guard on an off day and end up watching it a few times a month. So need to stay on guard for the first couple of months, after that it becomes a thing of the past. + Life habits: Really strong today. Going to bed a bit early to get a little extra sleep. But a really nice day with discipline and clean living.

Jan 4 Pretty solid day all around. Felt a little slow getting back into work but had a good day. Felt a bit of tension and stress but handled it well. Nice study session in the morning. Back to a clean diet, on a nice streak of no porn and want to make that permanent again. It's really just a question of getting past the first few weeks and making progress in dating which is what i really want anyway. It's not like I like porn, I'd rather have sex. It's just a weird situation now with covid so I haven't been too social. Solid day with habits also. So keep this up tomorrow. + Spiritual practice: Good 30 minutes, but it doesn't feel like it's enough. I do like longer sessions where I can really settle in to prayer and meditation. I'd have to get up even earlier or try to do a little more on lunch. Today I chanted some japa on lunch, but I like being outside during lunch also. So not sure. Hard to get up earlier than 4am. + Attitude of service: Pretty good. I helped out at a meeting. I was helpful at work. I had good outward energy which is key. Did sink a little too much in to self reflection instead of listening to others. + Mental and emotional states: pretty strong all day. The key is to put together weeks of a really solid state where I only have an off day once in awhile. So just have to stick to some good habits, stay close to God and work on being optimistic. + Life habits: Really good today. Time to go to bed around 8pm now and do it all again tomorrow.

Jan 3 Good day. Started the day at the temple again. Nice chanting and meditation. Spent time with family which was nice. Also had pretty good habits overall. Starting work tomorrow after a long break. Was nice to be off but time to get motivated again. It's really just daily action and daily progress. Not get too overwhelmed by work. Just do my best and then unplug. Also just keep focusing on my computer course and being consistent. Big thing is to keep investing in God and to keep seeking God connection. This past year has been great for that. Good habits ties into this, I have to live a disciplined and clean life. Really the only bad habit that has tripped me up recently has been watching porn a couple times a month. That definitely has to go. I'm on a streak now and this is a big priority. Since there isn't much opportunity for social life I want to put some effort in online dating. Will be doing this shortly. + Spiritual practice: Really nice morning session with the monks. Too bad I live 2 hours from the temple. I'd like to do this on the daily if it were possible. + Mental and emotional states: Pretty good: avoided distraction with phone. Avoided negativity. Countered the doubt I had with studying with a nice study session for computers. So on a good track here. i've had some nice motivation recently and want to make 2021 as great as 2020. Sounds crazy because 2020 has kinda sucked all around, but personally I had a great year and a big part of it was just staying connected. + Life habits: All pretty good except eating processed foods at my sisters. Not horrible, but some processed vegan food. Now that I'm back home I'll be on the strict diet that I like. + Attitude of service: Pretty good also. Good outward energy, good perspective on things and looking to be helpful. Overall: moved forward

Jan 2 Has been nice visiting with family. It's sad to live apart though. Only get to see each other so much. So it's sad to get back to normal and work and not see my parents often. Glad my sister lives less than 2 hours away. Pretty good day overall though. + Spiritual practice: went to the temple again to meditate and chant with the monks. That was nice. Good way to start the day. / Mental and emotional states: good, but I was a little sad with family leaving. Also not really sharp with my motivation and connection. felt a little off and restless. + Attitude of service: Good examples of service here. Did some nice things to be helpful. / Life habits: pretty good except for diet. Did good all around except there. Getting up on first alarm, exercise, and cold shower is best way to start the day. If I can do those difficult things first it sets the tone. Overall: Pretty good day. Still got to find time to journal.

Jan 1 Excited for the new year. Looked at how I tracked my habits over the past 6 months and did really well. REally made a lot of progress with good habits and want to keep that up. Need to get in here and journal at length. gonna go to bed now though. Have a few good friends who are also motivated to keep making progress so that helps. Regardless last year was really strong and I want this year to be the same. Today got up at 4:15 and went to the temple to chant and meditate with the monks. Great way to start the new year. doing the same tomorrow as well. That's it for now. Need to make it a point to do some more journaling about the upcoming year and the progress I made this past year. + Spiritual practice: Really nice morning chant and meditation. + Mental and emotional states: overall really good. A little thrown off by work though. Started thinking about Monday and was a little thrown off even though it's totally within my capabilities and I'm doing well. But should'nt worry too much about this. I've dealt with the stress really well. + attitude of service: Some pretty good examples of being of service and doing some small things around the house. Also made fresh orange juice for the monks. Good outward energy. / Life habits: All pretty good except for diet. When I'm at my sisters I end up eating chips and snacking a lot. Overall: Strong day, good way to start the new year.

Dec 31 A solid year finished. Will reflect more tomorrow. Going to bed early to get up at 4:15 and got to temple to meditate with monks. Best start possible for 2021. Good day today. Went to temple also today. Really nice meditation session. Good service and a good study session as well. Enjoying time with family and time off from work. Lot to be grateful for this year. Definitely made progress and getting stronger throughout the year. Some tough spots here and there because of covid isolation, but I'm going to do even better and make it through this. Really excited for 2021. + Spiritual practice. Best thing when I'm visiting my sister is to just go to the temple. Best way to have a nice meditation really early. + Mental and emotional states: In a good spot overall today. Still need to be consistent over time to really get where I want to be. + Attitude of service: good outward energy and helpful overall. + Life habits: pretty good. Want to keep the discipline up.

Dec 30 Really solid day. If I exercise right away when i get up and then take a cold shower it sets the tone for the day. After that go straight into a spiritual practice to orient myself. Then I can face the day totally prepared. Today was a good example of that. Got some stuff done, also came to visit family. Feeling excited about 2021 and all of the progress I can make. + Spiritual practice: Good morning session. Significant prayer and meditation. Was in a really nice state of concentration. + Mental and emotional states: Heading in the right direction. Was more positive about my studies. It's gonna take what it's gonna take. I want to learn coding really well so some patience has to be involved. I can't just rush through it, act like I know it. I really want to be able to have good functional ability with it. It's a long haul. Whole point is that I don't want to have internal frustration or disturbance over the pace of things. I want to be in a state of staying positive and engaged. / Attitude of service: good outward energy but missed an opportunity to help with dishes. / Life habits: all good except for excpetions on diet. Always happens when I come to my sisters house.

Dec 29 A solid day in action even if I didn't feel super energized. I slept in a little which for me is like 6am. I didn't really feel like exercising and taking a cold shower... which gives me so much benefit. Just wanted to stay warm in my sleeping bag lol. I guess it's okay, it's vacation from work. But I didn't have the same edge today as yesterday. My study session was a little dull and not as focused as I'd like. Studied total of 5.5 hours. Plus I got a little discouraged, it's taking me awhile to learn certain things about this computer language. But it's going to take what it's going to take. I'm doing a prep course and it will take some more time. I thought I was close to finishing but I think I may need a couple more weeks. So I need to focus on learning things well and the enjoyment I get out of making progress and learning, when I put it on a timeline I get discouraged a bit. It will take what it will take. I've really enjoyed what I've learned and I've come a long way already, so there is a lot of satisfaction with that. + Spiritual practice: just got in a round of chanting and a round of japa. Set aside 40 minutes also for meditation this morning but was somewhat distracted. just got to keep putting in the time. + Mental and emotional states: So so. Never really dipped into negativity. But also not consistently positive and energized like I have been. This is a by product of watching porn a couple days ago. That puts me in a funk and disconnects me. Not a price i want to pay. Need to have strong discipline in that area so it carries over into the rest of my life. + Life habits: Good. Just didn't exercise right away. Overall good habits though. / Attitude of service: okay but not great. Not exhuberant outward energy. That's what I really want, an energy that shows I want to contribute to life. Overall: still a good day.

Dec 28 What a better day. Really stayed on top of things. Glad to bounce back. + Spiritual practice: Really strong. Since I'm off I went back to my normal morning practice of 40 minutes. Such a benefit. Having ample time to really get into meditation and prayer is so beneficial. Since I started studying 2 hours before work I have been doing a 20 minute session and it's less beneficial. It's hard to get up earlier but I'm seriously thinking about getting up at 3:30am so that I can meditate 40 minutes, plus work out, plus shower, plus study 2 hours, plus eat breakfast all before work. It will be tough to do but it may be worth it at least on weekdays. + Mental and emotional states: Back to where I should be. Problem is that if I watch porn it disconnects me like yesterday. It's just like automatic decrease in focus, vitality, connectedness, etc. So I do need to put that habit in the past just like before. So today I really bounced back and I want to keep that strength all this week. + Life habits: Really good today. Soemthing about waking up on my alarm, working out and taking a cold shower that sets the tone for the day. Funny thing is that if I set time aside for good life habits, everything else finds a way to get done. If I put studying first, my studying isn't as good, I get frustrated and I'm less effective. So all the habits really count. + Attitude of service: good outward energy and found a way to be helpful at the meeting. Overall: A really solid day. I can't be sacrificing good days and my momentum to watch porn. It's such a distraction and momentum killer. So got to also focus on my dating life more and put some effort in there. Tomorrow I want to be doing more of the same as today. Just another solid day.

Dec 27 Tough ending to the day. Had some decent actions all throughout the day. But ended up watching porn again. After 15 months no porn I think it's probably been about 3 months of watching porn every couple of weeks. I always pay a price and feel down after. It's just not optimal living for me. Also been feeling a little isolated and lonely. Also have lost some of the energy and momentum I had from a few months ago. I still live a pretty good and clean life with lots of good things but I haven't been at my best lately. So need to turn this around and get back to where I should be. That's really it. Nothing more to say for today. Been a little thrown off recently and got to get back to what works.

Dec 26 Went skiing all day. Woke up really early and got back and had dinner and showered. Really exhausted. No spiritual practice today other than a short prayer session. Just one of those days where the day was packed and by the time I got home just exhausted and too tired. So going to bed and tomorrow I'll be back to better habits. Getting up at 4 to study. Also want to make good time for meditation. Will also go to the temple over the time off. Excited about that. Not much else to say now. Good day overall.

Dec 25 / Spiritual practice: not a really substantive practice but a busy day with Christmas and staying with family. Eventually got to try to get in a groove even though I'm not at home. + Attitude of service: actually really good. Had good energy and was trying to be helpful all through the day. + Mental and emotional states: Good improvement, getting back into a good groove. Want to keep up good focus. + Life habits: Good today, but diet off with Christmas dessert. But good work out, good study sessions, want to make most of this time off. Overall: Definitely a good day. Felt in a little rut a couple days ago, but now I got some good momentum. Really want finsih 2020 strong and get excited for next year.

Dec 24 / Spiritual practice: pretty good. Away from home so don't have my normal environment so that throws me off a bit. Plus staying with family so less easy to get away. But still had decent meditation sesssion. / Attitude of service: Pretty good, had some good opportunities for service. Still don't have the outward energy I would like. / Mental and emotional states: On the right track, pretty good most of the day but not great. Want to build back up my positivity and presence. / Life habits: All good except for diet really. Really good day studying. Overall: Pretty decent day. Not at my best in all areas but still moved forward.

Dec 23 - Spiritual practice: A little on the light side today. Did a little but not what I usually do. Definitely want to improve some here. / Attitude of service: okay but not great. Good actions but low outward energy. Not enthusiastic. I want to be more enthusiastic and look to contribute. / Mental and emotional states: better than yesterday, had some good moments during the day of getting more optimisitic and positive. But also still feeling a bit dull from time to time. / Life habits: some good, some not so good. Didn't exercise. Did take a nice cold shower though. Overall: heading in the right direction again. Definitely want to stay away from porn. It really drags me down. After Christmas break I want to put some effort into dating. Just put consistent effort in there. If I do that I'll meet someone. I want to move in that direction. Definitely better than watching porn. I focused on work when I started this job, still focusing on work and studying, but it's also important to make progress in dating. That will have a big benefit in my life. So that's the strategy.

Dec 22 Tough day today. Felt disconnected and out of it. Watched porn yesterday and today so fell into that bad habit again. It's like I go 2 weeks without watching porn and then watch it for a day or two, then don't watch it for two weeks. It definitely lowers my presence and connection. I liked when I was 15 months no porn. But now I fell back in to occasionally watching it. It's just because I guess I feel lonely, and haven't put effort in to dating. I think I probably just have to get back in to dating again. So after New Years I think I got to try to date a little. At least then i can get a little excited about that and put effort there. Anyway, I want to break this habit of watching porn every so often and get back to not doing that. I'm definitely more connected and have a higher performance when I stay away from porn. / Spiritual practice: did it, but didn't have a lot of vitality with this, didn't feel really dialed in with my effort or experience - attitude of service: kinda stuck in inner turmoil, not good outward energy - mental and emotional states: bad here. never felt connected. mostly distracted. Never really excited about life and the future. Just dull. - Life habits: Not good, weak for the most part, strayed away from things that have worked. Overall I just have recently been making excuses and cutting corners. I'm not really dialed in like I was this summer and early fall. So I need to fire that back up again. Definitley get away from watching porn, but also stay strong with other habits. I've set a really high standard, so most of that is still in place. But i can't compromise on porn. Just something that makes me feel disconnected. It's gonna take some work and getting through distraction and temptation. But it will be worth it, I saw what that was like when I basically never thought about porn. And truthfully i should just put in some effort and meet a girl since that's what i really want. Porn is just the distraction.

Dec 21 Pretty good day of effort. Although feeling a little disconnected and lonely. + spiritual practice: did some good whm breathing, had a nice meditation session. but not really robust sessions like over the summer. Putting 2 hours into studying each day has taken from the extra spiritual time I had. + attitude of service: Tried to be helpful. Really found a nice opportunity to grab some chairs for someone at a meeting. / mental and emotional states: okay, not in the negative, but also not as connected as I'm used to. / Life habits: good for the most part

Dec 20 Good day. But didn't get to meditation until now. I was pretty busy this weekend visiting family and studying so I didn't get in my normal meditation sessions. Still feel pretty connected and looking forward to some time off for holidays. Definitely ready to use that time to study, visit family, and continue with a good spiritual practice. / spiritual practice: did it, but it wasn't the focus of my day. I didn't really orient my day toward spirit the way I normally try to + attitude of service: tryign to be helpful with family. Found some good opportunity to do that. + mental and emotional states: actually pretty good. Pretty optimistic, free from lower states / life habits: overall pretty good but not as strict on diet as I should be