soos_mite_ah

Abundance Oriented Eating I believe that when it comes to balancing a healthy, nonrestrictive relationship with food while trying to eat healthier, it is best to take a more abundance oriented approach. What I mean by an abundance oriented approach is by focusing on the foods you can eat rather than the ones that you can't while still focusing on the foods that you do like that are healthy. That means instead of lamenting over the fact that you can't have pizza for example, you focus on the healthy foods you like such as in my case cauliflower rice. It doesn't have to be cauliflower rice if you don't want it to, it can be anything. That way you aren't fixated or constantly craving foods that aren't good for you because you are still focused on foods that still taste good to you. This also lessens the likelihood of binge eating because then you won't want to have a mukbang with a ton of unhealthy food for one day because you were on a restrictive diet for a long time. Also, by focusing on eating healthy foods that you do like, you start associating eating healthy as something you genuinely want to do and enjoy doing instead of something you have to do. I have noticed that whenever people start talking about going on a diet or eating healthy, it often is framed as something that people are resistant towards and don't want to do. To me that's unusual because eating healthy is supposed to make you physically feel good and be a form of self care. But I'm not surprised because diet culture paints eating healthy as something that is restrictive, and difficult and pushes this "no pain, no gain" mindset. That also means that you don't force yourself to eat healthy foods if you don't like it. For example, with me, I don't like the taste of celery juice, so as a result, I don't drink it. There are many ways to eat healthy so if eating salad isn't something you like doing, you don't have to and it's not like you don't have any options to eat anything else. Eating healthy doesn't have to be a painful chore where you force yourself to eat things you don't like. That isn't sustainable in the long run when you're trying to make a life style change. This journey for me has been learning and trying new recipes and eating delicious food. And finally, abundance oriented eating means that you can have foods that aren't necessarily good for you. By tending to your cravings, it releases the novelty behind the food you're lusting over. It no longer feels like a "guilty pleasure" and as a result, psychologically it loses it's appeal. It also gets you out of a scarcity mindset. For example, if you tell yourself that you aren't allowed to eat chocolate by any circumstances, when you see chocolate, you're going to go all in with a binge. But if you let yourself have it and don't moralize on the food, you probably won't binge on the same way and in the long run you won't crave it any more. I found that this worked really well with my cravings for chocolate and cheese. Also tending to your cravings can help you cut calories as well. For example, lets say you are craving chocolate again, but because you won't let yourself have any, you opt for peanut butter. And then because you aren't satisfied because that's not what you actually wanted, you go and have chips. Then the cycle continues and you end up eating more food until eventually you just eat the chocolate you were craving this entire time. If you just eat the chocolate when you feel that craving kick in, you wouldn't go through with eating the peanut butter or the chips etc. and you'll save on calories and go towards satisfaction more easily. While I am trying to eat healthy on this journal, I wanted to share some of my favorite comfort food items that I have every few weeks or so. Inn n out protein style burger Normally I don't crave beef because I didn't grow up eating it. I feel that cravings often have a certain feeling of familiarity associated with it. But every few months or so I do crave a burger. Most burgers to me feel greasy but I found that Inn n out tastes pretty fresh and not oily at all. Upon trying to go gluten and dairy free, I have opted for the lettuce burger where instead of a regular bun they use lettuce. And I noticed that I actually like it this way better. I also normally say no cheese. I've never really been a cheese person when it came to my burgers/ sandwiches tbh. Normally my burger consists of double meat, onions, pickles, tomatoes, lettuce along with a little bit of Inn n out sauce. It's simple, light and tastes pretty fresh. Chipotle veggie bowl My veggie bowl consists of a little bit of brown rice (I don't really like too much rice on my bowls), peppers, salsa, guacamole, black beans, pico de gallo , and a little bit of sour cream on the side ( I put it on the side so I have more control over how much I'm eating). Sometimes instead of a veggie bowl I also add some chicken into the mix. I find this to be extremely filling and I do get a lot of veggies in. Canes 3 finger combo This comes with a drink, fries, a garlic bread, and 3 chicken strips. Normally I just get water and I give the fries to my dad or I save them for another day. They aren't bad but I don't really care for them. They fill me up to much to where I can't enjoy the other stuff. But the bread on the other hand is so fluffy and warm. The chicken fingers are a crispy but they aren't greasy. I normally don't gravitate towards fast food or towards fried foods because the grease doesn't taste good and makes me feel like trash later on but for me, I don't get that effect with Canes chicken tbh. The chicken is very light and doesn't make me feel bulky at all. To me it at least tastes fresher than any alternatives. Cinnabon Center of the Roll I love on how warm and cinnamony this is. My order mainly consists of bite sized pieces of a cinnamon roll, caramel, and pecans. The texture and the amount of cinnamon is what really gets me. Upon realizing this, I have been introducing more nuts and more cinnamon on sweeter dishes and snacks because I realize that this is what I really liked. Mint Chip Ice Cream I grew up with ice cream. When I was a kid, hell even now, my dad would randomly take me for ice cream for no special reason just to spend time with me. He would always get a banana split with strawberry ice cream and I would normally get either mint chip or peppermint. To me, those flavors really underscore and enhance how cold the ice cream is. Plus it has chocolate, so I love that. My dad makes fun of me though because to him both of those flavors tastes like toothpaste lol. But every now and then when I catch my sweet tooth kicking in, my first thought is getting ice cream. I used to be obsessed with it before when I restricted the types of food I could eat and back then I could have three scoops with no problem but now a days with abundance oriented eating, I catch myself feeling satisfied after one scoop. This is also what I catch myself reaching for when I find myself having a rough day.

Things to Consider I had to look up what brassica vegetables are after I saw a comment on this journal. I put a link of the original source below but I also copied and pasted the content from the website for easy reference in the future. The black bolded vegetables are ones that I already have in my diet, the turquoise bolded vegetables are vegetables I like but don't eat on a super regular basis but wouldn't mind having them more often, while the vegetables in regular font are things that I don't really eat period. https://www.masterclass.com/articles/brassica-vegetable-guide#15-types-of-brassica-vegetables 15 Types of Brassica Vegetables The Brassica family features a number of commonly used vegetables. Turnips: Purple or white turnips are hearty with a hint of heat, and can be eaten raw in salads, boiled and mashed, or simply roasted like other winter root vegetables. When turnips are young and small in size, steaming is a gentle way to cook them and preserve their natural sweetness. Turnip greens are best enjoyed when young, but leaves in good condition can still be sautéed with garlic, added to soups and stews, or incorporated into mixed green salads. Rutabaga: Rutabagas are both larger and sweeter than turnips, with tougher skin. They can be cooked in almost exactly the same ways: When roasted or mashed, the rutabaga’s natural sugars make it an indulgent partner for brown butter and baking spices. Radishes: Radishes are a fast-growing root that is mostly used as a crudité, or added as a garnish to bring a cool crunch (with a little heat) to any number of dishes. The tender greens of radishes are edible and taste a bit like mustard greens when the plant is young. Wasabi and horseradish: Wasabi and horseradish showcase the potency of the mustard oil that defines the Brassica genus. Renowned for their sinus-tingling heat, wasabi and horseradish can be dried and turned into a seasoning paste, or grated fresh as a garnish. Kohlrabi: Known as the “German turnip,” crisp, pale green kohlrabi often mystifies those who are new to its versatile charms. With a flavor and texture very similar to broccoli stems or raw cabbage, kohlrabi is easy to use in a fresh, crunchy slaw, sliced thin on a mandolin for salad, or roasted into tender steak fries. Kale: Grown for its edible greens, kale comes in a few variations: curly, bumpy, flat, or feathery. After removing the woody center stem from the kale, it can be enjoyed raw—either in a salad or tossed into a smoothie—sautéed, or even roasted into crispy kale chips. Cabbage: Cabbage is a cruciferous vegetable that is leafy green, red, or white in appearance and known for its densely formed heads. There are four main varieties, including the long and narrow Napa cabbage (or Chinese cabbage), which is used for kimchi, as a wrap for steamed fish, and more. Cabbage can transform into a refreshing slaw, tastebud-tingling sauerkraut, or a cozy braised side dish. Bok choy: Delicate bok choy is a prime candidate for steaming and quick sautés, especially when combined with slivers of garlic cloves and a dash of soy sauce. Slice cleaned bunches into thick ribbons, and add to stir-fries. Collard greens: Collard greens are a staple side dish in Southern cooking with a signature bitter flavor, similar to Swiss chard. While collard greens have traditionally been used for heartier cooked dishes (as the leaves can hold up to longer cooking times), these nutritious greens have made their way into health food diets: shredded raw in salads, prepared with steam, and even used to make gluten-free wraps. Watercress: Watercress is an aquatic leafy vegetable that grows in the shallow water of cool streams and is one of the oldest salad greens: Ancient Romans dressed raw watercress with pepper, cumin, and garum (fermented fish sauce). Watercress makes a great garnish, but it can take center stage in salads and stir-fries, too. Arugula: Peppery arugula is packed with bold flavor, despite the delicate appearance of its leaves. Enjoy the leafy green as a base for salads, piled onto a freshly baked pizza, or in a pesto. Mustard greens: A staple in both Asian and Southern cuisines, mustard greens are equally delicious raw or braised. The best way to prepare mustard greens will depend on the variety: Cook curly mustard greens as you would kale, but treat gai choy more like bok choy. Mustard greens will lose their vibrant green color when stewed for a long time, so if the color is important to you, blanch or steam mustard greens before stir-frying, sautéing, or puréeing. Cauliflower: Cauliflower is best known for its edible white head—which can be seared in thick-cut steaks, caramelized in the oven, or pureed into savory, creamy soups—but its core stems and leaves cook up nicely over high heat, too, drawing out a sweetness reminiscent of a cooked turnip. Quick-boiled cauliflower rice has recently become a favorite low-carb staple to use in place of high-carb grains like rice and pasta. Broccoli: Broccoli is an edible bright green or purple plant with a flowering head, sturdy stalk, and nutrient-dense leaves. Broccoli can be eaten in its entirety and prepared in a myriad of ways: raw, roasted, steamed, sautéed, and even battered and fried. Enjoy it chopped up in a salad, steamed for a quick snack, puréed into a pasta sauce, roasted and served over lentils, rice, quinoa, or other grains with a drizzle of olive oil. Brussel sprouts: These crunchy seasonal staples that resemble mini-cabbages are a revelation when their outer leaves are roasted to a salty crisp, leaving the insides meltaway tender. Brussell sprouts are best served steamed, roasted, or sautéed. Pair Brussel sprouts with frizzled lardons, or thinly slice them raw for an unbeatable winter salad with kale and citrus.

I found going mostly gluten and dairy free so far has helped me immensely even though I haven't fully moved into that transition yet. I'm also trying to cook with olive oil more and I find that it tastes better to me any way so that felt like a no brainer. The only time I really use something like vegetable oil is when I'm making eggs because I find cooking eggs with olive oil tastes weird. But other than that, my main source of fat has been peanut butter, avocados, nuts in general, olive oil, and fish.

Thank you so much this was really informative. Stuff like this is definitely encouraged . I'll look into this a bit more going forward.

A critique of stage orange

@Danioover9000@How to be wise by what you physically liked I didn't really mean looks (though that can also be the case), I was mainly meaning different positions, sensations, where you're sensitive, and kinks etc.

These all honestly look sooooo good. I want to try out most of these recipes!!!! Even though my mind goes blank when someone asks me "what is your favorite type of food" since I love to eat, I noticed that I feel healthy and good about my life when I eat a more Mediterranean diet. I also noticed that a lot of the food I have been eating recently at home falls roughly in line with what consists of a Mediterranean diet upon writing these food dairy entry. Finally until, I started this journal I didn't realize how much peppers, onions, olive oil, garlic, and tomatoes I have been eating. They are basically my staples at this point.

12/17/2020 Food Diary Lunch: Salmon: I fried this in olive oil and marinated it using Italian seasoning, red chili powder, onion powder, garlic powder, and lime. I also fry this with a bell peppers and onions. I had 1 small piece. I wasn't very hungry today and woke up feeling bloated for some reason but since I skipped breakfast I thought I needed to eat something. Snack: 1 banana and natural, unsweetened. peanut butter: Pretty much the same snack as the day before. I found out this time that this snack really satisfies my sweet tooth so as a result, I can see myself reaching for this more often in the future when I do get sugar cravings even though this snack doesn't even have any added sugar. I was also surprised by how much this filled me up. It felts as if I had a whole meal tbh. But I'm not surprised since this snack has carbs and a hint of sweetness from the banana while a good source of protein and fats in the peanut butter. Dinner Taboule Salad: Instead of ranch like last time, I used balsamic vinegar. Tomato Basil Soup:

12/15/2020 Food Diary Breakfast 2 slices of gluten free toast with an avocado and an egg: typical breakfast. I know writing this on a regular basis might get boring but for some reason, I never get bored of it. It is satiating both in terms of how it fills me up because it has a good combination of carbs, protein, and healthy fats and in terms of flavor as well, which is why this is my go to. Lunch: Southwest Chicken Avocado Salad: Has grilled chicken, roasted corn, poblano and black bean relish, red onion, tomato,, avocado on mixed greens and chili lime vinaigrette dressing. It usually comes with cheese and tortilla chips but I got the salad without them because of what I'm trying to do with my diet. I was craving this particular salad from a near by deli so I went ahead and got it. It tastes like a regular, ordinary salad but there was something about it that I was craving. Upon eating it, I noticed that it was the dressing which I only used half of because it was rather sweet. I will try to recreate the dressing at home and I feel that when it comes to eating salads, crave worthy salads usually lie in the dressing and how it ties all of the vegetables come together. Snack: 1 scoop of ice cream on a waffle cone: Just felt like having ice cream. That's really it. Dinner: Gluten free mushroom spaghetti: Has onions, diced garlic, a little bit of diced bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, olive oil, gluten free noodles, parsley and tomato sauce. I accidentally used too many vegetables and not enough noodles but I still really enjoyed it. 12/16/2020 Food Diary Brunch: Egg white omelet: I set aside spinach, tomatoes, diced mushrooms, and diced onions. I used waaay too many vegetables so I added 3 egg whites so that it wouldn't basically be a salad hahaha. I only ate half of this omelet because it was a lot so basically I had 1.5 egg whites and a ton of vegies. I also had this will a little bit of avocado, I'd say about 1/4 of one, along with a little bit of a drizzle of siracha sauce. Snack: A handful of peanuts and some sea salt popcorn: A handful of peanuts is usually my go to when I feel like snacking. I also felt like finishing up the remainder of the sea salt popcorn I had in the house since I was craving a little bit of salt. A banana with natural, unsweetened peanut butter: I got some unsweetened, natural peanut butter at the supermarket the other day. The only ingredient that is listed there was peanuts. The texture was runnier than regular peanut butter and I got the chunky kind where you get peanuts in every bite. I would say I actually like this type of peanut butter more. I also love eating a banana with peanut butter so that's what I did. Dinner: Cauliflower rice with grilled shrimp: Had cauliflower with sautéed onions and bell peppers in olive oil, and grilled shrimp with basil and ground red peppers. Taboule salad with a little bit of ranch: Honestly I was kinda lazy with making dinner tonight. I just picked up the scraps of somethings I had in the fridge. I was surprised with how filling and satisfying it was.

I found this video fascinating

Distinctions between types of desires, how desire is seen through different teachings and cultures, higher consciousness desires and egoic desires etc.

Thought this was really insightful. Posting this here so I don't lose it.

A Reset I spent a few days at my friend's house earlier this week. It helped me remember who I am around other people. I felt that I really needed a break from my parents and the bs that has been happening in my house. And that instinct was right. I felt more refreshed and capable after leaving my friend's house. It helped me re-contexualize my current situation so I'm not so identified with it. That is super important considering I have been having issues not internalizing things. I knew in theory that I'm not what happens to me and that I'm not my feelings but emotionally I have yet to integrate that fully. But on the downside, even though I feel refreshed, I felt this sense of emotional heaviness and emotional paralysis upon coming home. I think a lot of the things that are happening right now have to do with my environment and what I associate that with. My parent's have also been all over the place since I came back. The day I came back was the day that my mom's purse got stolen at the grocery store. The purse had her glasses, credit card, phone, driver's license, house key, and car key. So now we are trying to retrieve all of those things and cancel the credit card. Also we have to switch the locks in the doors of our house because whoever this person is has the address and the key so that's not good. Until then we have to be extra careful. We called the cops and everything with little luck but yeah there is a lot of stress for all of us. This is tangentially related but I have also found an article about how shoplifting is also on the rise all over the country. It's mainly for basic necessities such as food, diapers, and baby formula. The pandemic, recession, lack of help from the government, is causing people to get desperate as people go hungry and homeless. As soon as my mom's purse was stolen there was a fraudulent purchase from the super market. It seemed as if it was probably the price of groceries for that person. Even though my family is stressed out with medical bills, and issues with COVID as a few more people we know have passed away after contracting it, and the stolen purse incident, my heart still goes out to the person who stole my mom's purse. I don't know what the hell they must be going through. I know the problems with 2020 isn't going to be solved once 2021 comes in but I hope people can feel like they can mentally reset and give this god awful year a rest. Thankfully there is a vaccine that is being used for health care workers now and this will go out to the public next year. God, I just want this stupid pandemic to be over.

Going All In I went to sleep over at a friend's house for the past couple of days. During that time, I let go off all of my habits and just took a break so the food diary entry for those days don't reflect my typical eating patterns. Though I will say this, I satisfied a lot of my cravings and now I'm good for a while. 12/11/2020 Lunch: Taboule salad and grilled salmon ***went to my friend's house Dinner: Ground chicken lettuce wraps: Had ground chicken, seasoning, diced water chestnuts, and diced carrots. We also added this soy sauce blend thing from a packet. It was sweet and savory but I'm not sure what was in it. We then wrapped those in lettuce. The meal was pretty good. I can see myself making this except I would make my own home made sauce instead for a healthier option. I also discovered how much I like water chestnuts. I guess I didn't like them as much before but when they are diced, they are pretty nice. Snack: 2 slices of cheese cake: My friend had these lying around and offered me some. I went ahead and ate a couple. They weren't bad but I realized how much I don't miss a lot of sweets. While it wasn't thrilling, I did enjoy splurging a little bit. 12/12/2020 Breakfast: Hot coco mocha: My friend made this for me with almond milk. It was really rainy outside plus we lit a very scented pumpkin cupcake candle. I have been going through an ego backlash state and this was really soothing and comforting. It really just made me feel loved and cared for lol. Lunch: Vegetable Soup: It was very similar to Leo's vegetable soup recipe however, my friend put in brussels sprouts, cabbage, carrots, green beans, ginger and tofu in it. I can see myself making this in the future. It was really simple and delicious. Dinner: Spaghetti: My friend made spaghetti with regular spaghetti noodles, sauce, garlic powder, tomato sauce, and basil. I normally do my spaghetti differently but it was nice. Snack: I have been munching on chocolate covered blueberries on and off throughout the day for the next couple days. 12/13/2020 Breakfast: Jalapeno cheese corn bread: I had a little bit of this and then my stomach started acting up. But it was really good and I can't say that I ate this without knowing what I was getting myself into. My stomach was also acting up for the rest of the day because of the way I have been eating. I also started breaking out again. I guess I got used to my dairy/ gluten/ soy free diet before so my body saw what I was eating for the last couple days and freaked tf out. As a result, I skipped lunch. I was still snacking on the chocolate covered blueberries though. Dinner: Vegetable Soup: I had the same vegetable soup as before because I wanted to learn how to make it. Before I just had the soup but this time I helped my friend make it. I ate it without tofu this time. 12/14/2020 Brunch: Grilled Chicken Salad: Had red onions, tomatoes, spinach, grilled chicken, and ranch. It was pretty good. I really liked the chicken. My friend and I woke up late since we were up at night talking so we decided to Uber eats. Lunch: Paneer Tikka Masala with Naan: My friend's dad brought home some food after he went out for groceries and didn't know we already ordered food. I had one naan and some paneer because I didn't want it to go to waste. Plus I love the tikka masala gravy and I haven't had it for a year. It was satisfying. Then I went back home around 4 or so. I took a nap at 7pm and found myself waking up at 5 am the next morning.

@Preety_India Thank you so much. This means a lot to me ??

Little Reminders Throughout My Day: Things I Tell Myself When I Catch Myself Spiraling I am in my own time line Gentleness is patience. Discipline is patience. Have faith in the timing of your life and your healing. Be gentle with yourself. I might have problems doing something now, but it won't be forever. I am capable. This too shall pass. I have gone through difficult things before and I am strong enough to handle them. It's ok to feel. Just be with the difficult emotion. It's ok. Gentleness is empathy. I will figure the circumstances of my life in due time. This is temporary in the bigger picture even if it feels forever right now. This is circumstantial. It isn't inherent to who I am and what I am capable of. You are not the only one struggling. This is hitting different people in different ways. Everyone is having issues. I am not weak or incompetent for struggling. Struggling doesn't make a person weak and incompetent. I am not what is happening to me. I am the person experiencing the circumstance. Social media is a highlight reel. You don't know what people are going through behind closed doors. When you compare yourself to these people, you are comparing yourself to what you think their reality is like. You are comparing yourself to imaginary people with imaginary lives. I got my life together once, and I will do it again.

Experience! (or in some cases, lack thereof) I feel that in my 21 years, I have a lack of normal life experiences that a 21 year old would have. Sometimes I feel self conscious over how I haven't had my first kiss yet, or a real relationship, how I didn't hang out with my friends much while I was in school because of my parents, how I didn't make friends in college because of my circumstances and the pandemic, how I didn't get to go out and party etc. I'm afraid that I lack the social aptitude of someone my age because of these lack of experiences. I'm sometimes afraid that I'm this weird kid amongst people my age. But I will say that I do have a different set of experiences. Those experiences often make me feel as if the trauma aged me and my world view because I had to take a lot of responsibility and learn about emotional maturity at a young age. While I lack the normal life experiences of a 21 year old, I feel that I have a lot of experience in trauma and hardship. It has built a lot of character for me both in the experience of the trauma but most importantly the healing of it. Growing up, my parents were super strict and often so as a result I wasn't able to have a super care free childhood. As a teenager, I was busy with school and self help work which mainly consisted of coping the trauma I got from my parents. I thought, hey maybe when I get to college, I'll be able to live like a normal college student. Well, that didn't happen. I spent my freshman year picking up the pieces and healing from trauma. I didn't have time to go out and make friends, party, etc. that is normal for a 18 year old at the time. I thought, hey that was one year, I have three years of college, everything is going to be ok. Sophomore year went by and things were getting better. I was doing amazing, better than ever. I finally closed this chapter in my life. But then the pandemic happened. And that will come with it's own issues to heal from. I'm really going through something right now in terms of giving up school for a semester. I feel so behind. I was supposed to graduate in 2022 but now I will be in 2023. A lot of the people I graduated with graduated this year. They graduated 2 years early. In a way I'm thankful that I'll be graduating later because of this whole pandemic and what it's doing to the economy. I'm also worried about my lack of job experience. I wasn't able to secure an internship this summer because of the pandemic or summer 2019 because of some health issues. I'm scared of graduating and not being able to support myself or getting stuck in a terrible job with no benefits where I'm essentially the capitalist equivalent of a medieval serf. I also have this friend who is engaged (she and the guy are young but they have a super healthy relationship so I'm not worried at all) this year and graduated college this semester. I went to high school and college with her. She has so many of these I guess normal life experiences. She has friends, was able to travel, did amazing in college etc. She did have bits and pieces where she had issues, I mean it's not like her life was perfect, but she has come through them in such a functional way. She always just had her life together. It's like even if she did have issues, she is so effortlessly ahead of me in terms of life and mental stability. I will admit, I am jealous. I know that I can't compare apples to oranges and that my life circumstances is very different but I guess because we grew up together in the same town, went to the same high school, and have similar socioeconomic backgrounds, I do fall into a trap of comparing myself to her. I know life isn't a race. I know that I will do things in my own time table. I don't even want to get married or settle down before I'm 30. I know that it's better if I graduate later than 2020 because of these circumstances. But I feel so behind. I feel like I'm wasting my youth. Because I have been cooped up in the house for almost a year, I'm getting this feeling of restlessness where I just want to go out and do stuff. To. Live. I feel this need to make up for lost time. I spent so much time doing inner work and quite frankly, I'm exhausted. Since I'm still stuck in the house, I guess for now I'm just going to avoid social media so that I'm not triggered by FOMO. I often catch myself thinking, when will my life begin. And then one time I stopped myself and was like, well, I'm living now aren't I? Why should I put a narrow standard of what consists of living. There are a lot of a lot of people with normal non traumatic life experiences feel that their lives have zoomed by them because they weren't being conscious and present in their circumstances. As long as I'm present, conscious and I take each moment in with all of it's intricacies, I'm living to my fullest.

12/10/2020 Food Diary Brunch: 2 slices of gluten free bread with avocados, olive oil, and balsamic vinegar along with one egg: I wasn't hungry for breakfast but I was getting hungry towards lunch time and I didn't feel like waiting so I had brunch. The avocado I used was fairly big and the fat content of the avocado really satiated me for a while until dinner. I find that to be a common effect of a lot of high healthy fats in one meal. Dinner: Cauliflower fried rice with onions, bell peppers, and grilled shrimp: This was really satisfying. I find that I actually like cauliflower rice more than regular rice. I also haven't had grilled shrimp in a long time so that was really nice. Taboule Salad: Has parsley, tomatoes, olive oil, a sprinkle of bulgur (cracked wheat), onions, lemon juice, sea salt. I also like to add a little bit of ranch as well. I bought this salad ready made in the super market. The ingredients I listed out where all that was present in the salad so there weren't any other additives and weird stuff. I have tried to make this at home before and it didn't come out the same so I bought it from the store. I know this has some traces of wheat on it but it isn't so much to create a problem for me and irritate my stomach. Snack: One slice of French bread with cashew milk cream cheese to curve the cravings:

Picking at Wounds I have been trying to be more gentle with my skin as far as my skincare routine goes. So far it has been helping my acne, much more so than when I used to be rough with it. I used to us a lot of cleansers with harsh chemicals and fragrances and used physical exfoliants hoping to scrub my acne off of my face. I recently started watching a lot of skin care YouTube videos and I learned that this isn't what you're supposed to do so I went and bought products that would actually help my skin. Nevertheless, I still have the bad habit of picking at my acne and the scabs. It isn't uncommon to treat acne roughly but ideally they should be treated like small wounds. Wounds take time to heal and there needs to be gentleness and patience. Acne is like a wound especially when there is blood involved and resembles a cut. And picking at wounds, though it may feel like it's helping because it can give you a smoother surface, does more harm than good in the sense that it lengthens healing time and makes a mess. I feel that I also do this on a psychological level as well. I pick at my own wounds emotionally. I want to have this laser focus on whatever is bothering me until I fully deal with it. I want to be fully present with every difficult emotion and feel the absolute depth of those emotions. And while that does help me deal with a situation and take responsibility, it also takes a toll on me. It can lead to rumination or getting lost in a bad feeling, both of which is not conducive to healing. Sometimes, my approach to healing is too harsh. Sometimes I need to be gentle and take things one piece at a time instead of rushing through the healing process. I feel that I want to rush through this process because I'm tired of feeling this way. I want to get better and I want to get better NOW. But as cliché as it is, what you resist persists and slow and steady wins the race. Being gentle involves being patient. The Zoloft has been helping me in this regard. It stopped me from going into regular spirals and has this emotional blunting effect. I was concerned about this before because I thought that it would affect my awareness towards my more subtle feelings but for me at least, this medication toned down my super intense emotions. I'm still aware of those emotions but I deal with them in a more gentle pace instead of all at once. In a way, I feel like I'm getting a break from my own mind. And for me, I believe it is much needed because again, I tend to have this laser focus on whatever is bothering me meaning I'm not usually the one to take breaks on my self actualization work. But hopefully, I won't be on this medication for a super long time. I don't want to develop a dependence.

12/9/2020 Food Diary Breakfast: 1 slice of gluten free bread with avocados: I typically don't eat breakfast but if I find myself feeling a little hungry this is usually my go to. I normally would have an egg with this but I wasn't feeling it today. Lunch: Zucchini noodles: Because I have PCOS and I'm trying to go gluten free, I decided to try making zucchini noodles instead of the regular noodles I used to eat. These zucchini noodles are accompanied by broccoli, shredded carrots, onions, garlic, mushrooms, and bell peppers. I sautéed them in olive oil and added red pepper powder as well as some salt. Snack: Peanut butter and a banana: I'm not a very big fruit person but my family always has bananas in the house. I'm trying to avoid fruit because I saw something about it messing with your blood sugar and that isn't good if you have insulin resistant PCOS. I don't know what kind of PCOS I have but just to be safe I try to avoid fruits since it isn't that hard for me to do. But I had a bananas anyway since it was available. One banana isn't that big of a deal and I enjoy the little bit of sweetness in my diet. Dinner: Salmon: Wild caught salmon cooked in olive oil with garlic, Italian seasoning, red pepper powder, turmeric, onion powder, garlic powder, and parsley. I also include onions and bell peppers when making this salmon. I love fish and I tend to make salmon in bulk once a week. Salad: olives, spinach, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, black beans with a drizzling of balsamic vinegar, a small amount of olive oil, and a little bit of Italian seasoning. The Italian seasoning blend consisted of rosemary, sage, and oregano. Snack: One slice of French bread with cashew milk cream cheese: I'm doing this thing each night to eat one small slice of French bread with some cheese to curb my cravings. I'm pretty lenient with this whole PCOS thing because I don't think it's a good idea to get all dogmatic around food and start shaming if you don't follow a diet exactly. It isn't sustainable and can lead to a disordered relationship with food. While this does have gluten, I'm doing this so I can slowly let go of the French bread from my regular diet instead of just going cold turkey. Going cold turkey can lead to binging later on instead of changing your life style. And plus I love French bread so I don't think a deprivation mindset will work for me that well. As for the cream cheese, I bought this cream cheese today that is made of cashew milk. It tastes like regular plain cream cheese but it's a little more stronger in taste which I like. I'm going to make the switch to this particular cream cheese because it is dairy, soy, and gluten free. A glass of decaffeinated green tea: I was in the mood to wind down a little bit and I thought "hey I haven't had green tea in a while" so I went ahead and made myself some. Plus I had a little bit of a cough so I thought something warm would feel nice. I didn't add anything to the green tea.

@Preety_India I think if the label says "grass fed and pasteurized." I just took notes over whatever was in Leo's video. I'm using it as a starting point instead of all of my sources.

That's the consequence of still being in your formative years before you fully step into adulthood and support yourself financially, emotionally etc. Someone who is in their formative years needs to go through that process instead of skipping steps. Sucking the youth out of them so to say can stunt their growth and make them not integrate everything they need to learn when they are young because of dependence. In addition to dependence, they might act out more in the future because they weren't able to be young when it was appropriate.

I don't think your sister has bad judgement. But I will say this. For women, it's very easy to make a mistake like this. We are always told that girls mature faster than boys and to some extent it is true because of the way women are socialized and how they are held accountable for their actions while people write of boys actions as "boys will be boys" instead of holding them accountable. Then, when a more mature, put together, older man comes along, it isn't unusual to be attracted to that because compared to boys your age, this guy is 10x better. However, this mindset over looks the most likely possibility that this guy probably can't compete with women his age because those women smell some type of bullshit that a younger woman may not have. Again this isn't to say anything against your sister. If anything, I wouldn't be surprised if she is mature and has good judgement if she does choose a guy who is mature in relative terms. But this is a very difficult trap to avoid. If there is anyone's judgement I would distrust, is the guy's. He is 37 years old and a teacher. He should know better, be aware of the consequences of a power dynamic, and know how weird it is (which I'm sure he has an inkling of since he lied about his age). And as someone who knows better and has more power, he should be the one to put his foot down and say no. This isn't about discriminating your sister against her age and lack of experience. It is taking into account the very real consequences that could come from an unbalanced power dynamic and relationship.

I went ahead and watch Leo's video on how to shop for healthy food last night and I took some general notes. The stuff in black that I crossed out are things that are already absent from my regular diet. The stuff that I crossed out in red are things that I'm working on cutting out as of recently. The stuff in blue are stuff that I still currently eat. ***Side note for when it comes to wheat: I have been cutting out a lot of grains in my diet. I found out that I am gluten in tolerant and that PCOS also tends to be irritated by gluten in a lot of cases. I haven't fully cut wheat out but this is a start for me. I'm currently working on transitioning to gluten, dairy free, and soy free for my PCOS. I have never ate a lot of meat growing up other than chicken. Red meat wasn't ever a thing in my house because my parents are Hindu and don't eat beef. I'm trying to go into cutting meat out more and resorting to seafood mainly. Things to avoid ***Wheat Corn Sugar Soy Dairy Artificial Chemicals Never buy again: Dairy I don't care much for dairy but I love cheese. I have mitigated my cheese cravings for the last few months but I will say that it is a part of my diet. I'm considering on switching to vegan cheese so on the occasion that I do have cheese, it's a healthier alternative. All chips This isn't so much of a problem. I sometimes have it around the house as something to munch on but it isn't a huge thing. Frozen deserts Ice cream is my other weakness. I'm thinking of quitting this because I recently noticed how badly I break out. No bread of any kind ***All wheat containing products Ok this and cutting out bread is a huge thing for me. I'll probably tackle this later All pre-made salad dressings Ketchup, sauces Both this and the salad dressing thing is really a matter of convenience but I guess I could be more mindful when shopping no milk chocolate THIS IS A HUGE WEAKNESS OF MINE Corn-Fed meat Corn-fed eggs This and the meat is out of my budget at the moment. Sugar Again, like the bread thing, this is huge so I'll tackle this later. Atlantic salmon & Tuna -> Go for wild fish I recently made the switch it was relatively easy Soy I switched the soy milk for almond milk and it wasn't that big of a deal. I also have soy sauce every now and then but it isn't a problem. It isn't in my house. Soda Avoid Candy Pasteurized fruit juice (cooked at high heat) Corn products No pre-made meals (also no frozen meals) Salamis, Hams, Bacon etc. No canned & processed meats Store made sandwiches, wraps, pasta-salads Dried soups & Dried noodles Whey protein Protein bars & shakes Avoid Canola oil, palm oil, Safflower Oil I never had 14-25 in my house ever growing up Avoid coffee & alcohol Hated the taste of both of these. I only drink a couple coffees during finals week which is 2x a year for me. Butter Substitutes Switched to avocados on toast a long time ago because it tastes better Artificial Sweeteners Don't care for it. Don't have anything to add sweetener to. How to shop Ignore the calories or fat, ONLY look at the list of ingredients (I try not to obsess over calories or fat because I know that mentally takes a toll on me and can get obsessive) How many ingredients are there? Choose stuff with 5 or less and that they are natural (I think 5 is an arbitrary number but yeah natural ingredients over anything. I think the next 4 points is the same thing but in more detail) Avoid all hydrogenated oils Avoid sugar and corn syrup Avoid boxed and processed food, cans should be limited Avoid complex preservatives & coloring agents Avoid cheap meat & eggs Look for stuff that's as close to alive as possible As plant based as possible As pigmented as possible As organic as possible Least cooked as possible (nothing wrong with things that are cooked IMO) Single ingredient as possible (I guess this just has to do with buying things fresh) Reliable labels (already pay attention to most of these) Organic Grass-fed & pasteurized (eggs & meat) Non-GMO

I think it might be an exercise in discipline and self control. As far as the spiritual stuff goes, I think a lot of it might be the placebo effect. But then again, I think it also has to do with an individual's relationship with their sexuality. I have also seen stuff before on how masturbating regularly can be helpful for some people if they find themselves having a lot of shame around sex or if they don't know what they like physically.