soos_mite_ah

@Preety_India Lets see: Irregular and skipped periods Really painful cycles Hair loss Fatigue Extreme cravings (though I'm pretty sure I had these before the PCOS) Acne Weight gain/ difficult losing weight Messed up sleep schedule Messed up metabolism (though my metabolism has been messed up for a variety of other reasons) Hair growing in weird places Anxiety Depression Also when I get stressed, I have a lot of physical manifestations of it which include the worsening of the above Weird blood test results because of my liver I have dealt with most of these so far but I'm still dealing with acne, hair growing in weird places, irregular cycles, difficulty losing weight, messed up metabolism, anxiety and depression. All of these have gotten better but they aren't gone yet.

@mandyjw I bought her book Women's Bodies Women's Wisdom. I found her perspective really interesting and to a certain extent I could relate to the emotional causes of PCOS that she described. Prior to buying this book, I was already doing that type of healing work so I decided to continue what I was doing. My health has been all over the place so I decided to focus my extra attention to reducing stress and calming tf down. I just watched this video right now and so far I have cleaned up my regular diet for my PCOS. I cut out gluten and dairy since those can make insulin resistance worse. I couldn't fully cut out bread. Tried it didn't really work for me personally. Now I'm mainly working on getting my metabolism back on track by eating breakfast more regularly as well as ensuring I eat enough. I guess I could also maybe look into some herbs. Not sure where to start though Over all at this point, I feel like I'm managing my PCOS. A lot of my symptoms have reduced but they aren't gone yet. Part of me wants to wait a little longer to see if it will take another couple months for all my new habits to pay off or to just take the chance with the birth control.

1/25/2021 Daily Check In For my first official daily check in, I thought I'd reflect on the goals that I set for myself to see how I'm doing. I crossed out the ones I feel that I have implemented successfully, bolded the ones I'm still working on, and italicized the ones that I haven't really done. I noticed that on the occasion that I do eat outside the house I almost always have meat so that didn't really work out I have reduced my sugar intake by a lot. I'm really proud of myself for that because it felt like an impossible task before. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm at the point where when I crave something sweet, I just reach for a piece of fruit and I'm perfectly satisfied with it. The only added sugar that's in my diet is the cereal I eat and that's just 2 grams which I'm sure isn't a big deal lol. But as for other grains, I decided to keep them in my diet because I feel like my body just functions better that way. As for my chocolate cravings, I found that after I let myself have chocolate, the novelty wore off as predicted and now I don't crave it as much. Before I was craving it almost after every meal and now it's once every couple of days. I'm probably going to do a whole post on it later on. Yes I have introduced tofu and miso into my diet. Though it was super recently, I have yet to notice anything going wrong/ right in my diet so there is that. I'm not getting enough calories just yet. I know earlier in this journal I said that I'm not going to track my food because it can be a bit much but because I was already doing my food diaries, I thought I might as well track it on the cronometer site. When I do make myself eat, I get in anywhere from 1500-1700 calories in a day. That is less than the average 2000 calories but I think it's better than what I was doing before unintentionally which was around 800-1100 calories. I feel better and more energetic. Before I would always get the urge to go and take a nap around 2-4pm but now I don't have to deal with that and as a result my sleep schedule has been more on track. I was initially feeling super stuffed after eating this much every day since I got used to eating a small amount but now it's not so much that I feel stuffed rather I feel full all the time. Which brings me to the next point. Incorporating more fruits was easier than expected I guess since I really wanted to do that. I just eat some as breakfast and some as a snack for when I want something sweet. For the most part I am eating breakfast regularly. But I am still at the point where I feel like I need to force myself. I wake up every morning already feeling full so often times I don't have any desire to eat but since I'm trying to make it a habit I'm doing so anyway. Before I REALLY had to force myself because I would go to bed feeling stuffed however it isn't that bad anymore. I still have some getting used to to do. I notice that on the days that I do eat breakfast, I don't feel the need to snack and that my mood is more stable. Because I have more energy, exercise has become easier. Before it was difficult for me to get myself to do anything since I was always done with life but now, I don't have many issues with exercising except feeling sore. I have been eating more greens and broccoli I feel like and I have introduced pumpkin seeds on my salads so there is that. But even when I did that, I found that my daily intake for iron was low when I would enter in my food to the tracker. The cheerios really have helped me in regards to making sure I get my iron in without any of the negative side effects I got from the iron supplements I was getting before. And as a bonus, I feel like I'm much more in touch with my body and what it needs now a days than before so I'm also proud of myself for that as well. Also my skin is clearer and I'm rarely if ever bloated so that feels nice. In short, these are the things that I'm still working on from most to least important. Eating Breakfast regularly- Just have to keep going. Getting enough calories- I'm going to maintain the 1500-1700 calories for now until I'm 100% used to it before I bump that up to 2000 Dealing with chocolate cravings- These are for the most part gone, I feel like I'm the last leg meat outside the house- Idek to what extent I'm going to even address this for now since it is so minor but we'll see.

I think it should be fine but my gut feeling is over run by uneasiness so it's difficult to differentiate between fear and intuition

To be fair, the first time I found one of Leo's videos I thought he was going to be a cult leader. Nevertheless I decided to hear him out (also I was a rationalist who wanted to see other people's delusions in the comments section and see what other crazy thing this guy is going to say for entertainment purposes). Then after a few videos I was like *hey, he is actually talking a lot of sense.* I decided to subscribe and keep watching because even though I didn't agree or feel comfortable with everything, there is still a lot I can learn. No need to throw out the baby with the bath water.

@7thLetter Goes back to the whole using manipulation tactics and cheap tricks to look like a quality man vs. actually building your life so that you are a quality man. On top of getting laid, the manipulation tactic also makes for a perfect distraction from the things they actually need to work on. You get your perceived notion of success and you get to stop thinking about your problems. It's a brilliant self deception tactic for the ego if you ask me. Also sorry to get off topic but being on this forum has brought this to my mind. what's the whole deal with no fap? Seems very strange and unnecessary coming from a woman.

@caveman yeah I'm doing what I can and most of those things are under control Still a situation that is annoying as fuck and I know it's going to be something that is likely fucking me up slowly but surely

Food Diary Entries- The Way I'm Going To Do Them Going Forward I've recently been getting bored of doing these food diary entries mainly because I have gotten into the habit of eating certain foods repetitively. That's not to say that I'm bored of eating what I'm eating but it is to say that I'm bored of writing the same things over and over again. To me, that isn't really giving much value to my journal. I originally started doing these food diary entries to keep myself accountable for my healthy eating and for developing habits for my over all diet change. I also wanted to be more aware of what I was actually eating. I felt that I really needed that sense of accountability because to me, cutting out added sugars, gluten and dairy was difficult at the time. Those things were often present in every meal. But now, my habits have largely been put in place so this as a personal practice seems a little redundant. Instead I'm going to do a daily check in of sorts. I noticed that on my food diary entries, the additional notes section is giving me more value and insight of what I need to be doing differently. I'm going to have more of that along with some habits I'm trying to implement like eating breakfast on a regular basis. I will also discuss any new foods I have been trying. I just don't want this journal to get stale and repetitive.

Yes I have had relationships like this with people across different levels of development separate from my own. It's easier than what people think. Often times you just have to let yourself be and empathize with a person. Sure there can be a number a mechanisms involved that can be analyzed and dissected, but you need to get outside of your head, at least that's what I noticed with myself. In order to enjoy the beingness of life with another person, you don't have to reach a certain place in development or be fully enlightened. You can just make the choice to do so.

I feel like mass culture came into orange and kept going deeper into orange in the 1900s at least in the U.S. There was plenty of blue still there in say the 1920s but it really started moving towards orange.

Sexuality exists on a spectrum. I have bi friends who describe their attraction to women and men as 90% to 10%, meaning they feel like they mainly lean towards women as far as intensity of attraction goes but they have extremely specific tastes for men or they rarely find themselves attracted to men if that makes sense. A lot of bi people are 50-50, 70-30 and everything else in between. Or there is this other thing called aesthetic attraction where you can acknowledge a good looking person and appreciate their beauty without wanting to have sex with them

@ertopolice Here it is: Thought I linked it but maybe it didn't show up lol

I pretty much second everything that @Michael569 said. I have a whole journal on me getting my diet in check and managing my PCOS : Firstly I would say that going gluten and dairy free can be really beneficial for people with PCOS. The difficult part about it is that you need to find what kind of diet that works for you in the long term but there is all types of mess circulating around. I would start by going gluten and dairy free to see how that works out and then later on you can add some back in to see how your tolerance is to those foods. I would add on to it by saying that managing stress is a huge component in PCOS and that includes subtle forms of stress. It's important to get enough sleep and eat enough calories because sometimes when we don't get enough sleep, our bodies release cortisol. The same goes for skipping meals because then your body starts thinking you are starving and then gets stressed out. On top of that, I would also say avoid HIT workouts and minimize on the cardio since that can also stress the body out even if you aren't mentally stressed because our bodies can't tell the difference between HIT workouts and running away from a saber tooth tiger lol. You don't necessarily need to go plant based or vegan if you choose not to but definitely eat more vegetables. For some people, going plant based helps them move towards that direction but it isn't necessary. Oils are fine as long as they are better quality oils like olive oil, avocado oil etc. as opposed to processed vegetable oil, canola oil, soybean oil, and grapeseed oil. Avoid frying foods though. You can still have them but not on a super regular basis. Still make sure you get healthy sources of fats such as from olive oil, avocados, as well as nuts and seeds. Also, I know PCOS cravings can be a problem for some and for that I would say eat plenty of healthy fats and proteins as well as breakfast. Those can help you get rid of cravings because you will be satiated for a longer period of time. It's better to fix your diet in such a way to get rid of your cravings instead of constantly exercising energy and will power to resist. Speaking of resisting, if you are really changing up your diet, I would recommend focusing on the foods you like instead of the foods you don't. So instead of being upset over not eating pizza, think of all of the vegetable you like to eat. That will get you out of the scarcity mindset and when you don't think of the foods you aren't supposed to eat, you are less likely to crave them. In addition to that, find healthy foods you enjoy eating so you don't miss the junk and so that healthy eating isn't a chore. For example, don't drink celery juice if you know damn well you don't like it.

No, 50-100 approaches total before you see any girl give you her number or you get laid. And also what you discussed seems fair enough. Just approaching a women isn't a problem. But the lengths at which some pick up artists go can be extreme. I think @Gesundheit put it well where you can't confuse pick up with pick up artists. I mean there is that whole notion of being a slut and not being seen as feminine if you sleep around. But then there is the other thing where if you don't sleep around much or you are a virgin, suddenly you get seen as this super innocent religious / judgmental prude who doesn't know how to have fun (or that you are too ugly/crazy to get a man). I've got plenty of weird stories of women being treated weirdly just because they are choosing to wait. I have my stories as well and for me, my reasons for waiting is purely secular. If you are a woman, you lose either way. You're a slut if you do and a repressed prude if you don't. It can get complicated and it's a huge topic of judgement.

Yeah and their justification is piss poor to where most people who have common sense, a braincell, and any amount of consciousness / self awareness can see that something is sketchy in that way of thinking. Some people get so blinded by their pain that they fall into their selfishness out of self preservation and in turn ignore the well being of other people. Also people will come up with any type of justification to convince themselves that they aren't devils. To recognize that what you demonize is also what is within you is like lemon juice on an egoic wound. That pain can come with all types of defense mechanisms ranging from cognitive dissonance all the way to denial.

I haven't watched this video but now I'm back after watching it. I also watched part 1 while I was at it. To me, part 1 is very stage orange while part 2 is like green +. I'm actually impressed by the growth in what it means to be a man between these two videos. To me, this also articulated really well why I personally always found myself attracted to feminine men. I personally found guys who tend to appear more feminine or at the very least integrated the feminine aspects of themselves tend to not only have a more mature sense of masculinity but also more emotional intelligence overall, two things that are often a driving force in attracting high quality people. Maybe this is just the stage green, wanting to crush hierarchy, part of me coming out but I think that assigning gender to any type of personality trait is stupid and lacks holism. Masculinity and femininity is a good way of describing dualities and energies but they really aren't that different. I saw this thought come out especially when I was watching part 1 (part 2 is all about integrating the feminine to enhance the masculine so there is that). In part 1, Leo talks about how to be a man you need to be authentic and penetrate the world with you authenticity. You can also do a spin of this in a way that is framed as more feminine, how vulnerability is a huge component in what it means to be authentic. He also talks about being on a mission and having a strong sense of life purpose and how creativity is a very masculine thing because it's like you are planting your seed on to the world. I've also heard having a sense of purpose be spun in a feminine way as well how that mirrors the creativity of giving life in other ways other than the biological. Finally, he talks about how not being needy is important in masculinity but it can also be a very feminine thing because a feminine woman is one that doesn't need to settle and can wait to find a partner that provides the most in her life beyond the material. For my personal experience, I always tended towards being more masculine but I noticed that ever since I incorporated more femininity, that sense of confidence that came from accepting my vulnerability spilled over to other areas in my life to where I caught myself being more assertive and more forward moving. In a way, my natural sense of masculinity was heightened if that makes sense because I was honoring the whole of myself instead of a part. Also another thing that I want to address that I noticed with pick up and also the part 1 video is this notion that you have to be hypersexual and have sex with lots of girls in order to be masculine. There is this cultural notion that a man has to always be getting laid and always in the mood for sex in order to be considered a man. That is messed up and can have a variety of negative consequences on men from what I have observed. Firstly it can have men be super self conscious about being a virgin and therefore have them drift to red pill like sources. But in a more dangerous context, this notion that a man is always supposed to want it can make things like male sexual assault as something that is over looked or not taken seriously. I also started reading The Game (i'm currently half way through), and there is this part where one of the guys is known as being a "natural" because attracting girls came naturally to them . I was like ok no big deal but then the book goes on to mention that this guy started being known as a natural because he lost is virginity at 11 by his baby sitter who was 15 years old. I then immediately thought *that is literally and elementary school kid getting taken advantage of by a high schooler*. It's fucked up. I remember when I read this part, I felt sick to my stomach because essentially this guy got raped as a child but instead of seeing the event as the horrible thing that it is, it is seen as a sign that he is good with girls because, hey guys are supposed to enjoy sex in all circumstances right? SMDH

@Preety_India its not

That's what I would say I was reacting to (either internally or externally through replies) when I saw pick up related posts on this site. Making a woman or really any person feel insecure is one of the hallmarks of manipulation and there is plenty of ways to be attractive to the opposite sex that doesn't involve being an asshole scheming behind the scenes. And this is also why I say that most girls can easily smell the inauthenticity or can intuitively tell that something is fishy because the whole thing seems at best a used car sales man approach to dating. I'll have to check those sources out. There is a HUGE difference between seeming high value and actually being high value. That's what I was essentially trying to articulate in the example of being standoffish and how there is a partial truth to it but has a weird red pill like vibe to it as well. While I was trying to figure out my dating life, I accidentally ran into some hypergamy like sources. I delved into it more not because I agreed with it but because the whole thing seemed really fascinating. A lot of the women who are attracted to hypergamy are not necessarily hotter than average but they are women who keep getting screwed over by fuck boys, guys who don't commit, and guys who treat them like shit. Some of them also have this impression of how everything was better in the 1950s or so when traditional gender roles were the norm because these women want to step into their femininity so they can have a man take care of them. Some of their advice makes sense like don't be desperate, have standards, don't date guys who don't have their shit together, but like red pill they take it to an extreme to the point where they have very materialistic notions of standards and having your shit together as well as a narrow definition of what it means to be a woman. Also a lot of women fall down the whole hypergamy pipeline on YouTube by starting out with trying to embrace their feminine side more (that's another reason why those videos started popping up in my recommended). Personally, I grew up with a lot of internalized misogyny and I didn't embrace my feminine side so I wanted to find sources online to find ways that I could honor that part of myself more and undo any internalized stigma I had towards what was considered feminine. The sources ranged from basic how to do your hair and makeup videos, to new age divine feminine type sources, and to the mess that is hypergamy. That's what a lot of women on this forum is taking about when we talk about the limits of pick up. Red pill makes a caricature of women which makes it hard to actually connect with women. It's the same used car sales man vibe all over again that usually makes a woman want to auto reject (many but not all). That's why you have to approach so often. When I first came to this forum and I saw men talk about 50-100 approaches, I thought that was insane. I knew that it is in a way more difficult for guys because they are expected to be the ones approaching and that many guys are bound to be rejected numerous times before they get a yes, but 50-100 seemed way too big of a number. To me, that figure is so big to where you need to reevaluate the tactics you are using. If you only succeed 1-2% of the time, there is something up. Also, with these parallels I'm observing, I'm really getting the impression that the best dating advice is usually gender neutral and doesn't make a caricature out of the opposite sex. I feel that the best pieces of relationship advice show you how to relate to people and deal with them effectively instead of painting the opposite sex as some type of alien species that has the complexity of a rubix cube times 10000.

The food in this video looks so good. I had plans of going to japan in 2020 but for obvious reasons I couldn't go. I remember my friends who have done the study abroad program I planned to go on told me on how the food there is amazing and how the foodscape is so different compared to the U.S. Now I miss all the food I could have eaten ???.

1/22/2021 Food Diary Lunch: Half a bowl of oatmeal with some raspberries, black berries, cinnamon and peanut butter: I decided to try to some oatmeal today. This is going to sound really weird but I never had oatmeal before. I just never had it in the house and when I see it served in hotels with all you can eat breakfast buffets, I always thought it looked weird. I'm not a fan of mushy textures. I remember I did try grits before which is basically oatmeal but made with corn meal instead. It's a big thing in the south and grits is usually served with something savory like shrimp. Yeah, I wasn't a fan. When I tried grits, I ate the toppings and didn't finish it. I got made fun of and told I wasn't a real southerner lmao . I'm not surprised that it ended the same way with oatmeal today. I made myself finish half of it but then I said fuck it and ate the berries and the peanut butter. It's a no for me. Tbh it isn't even the taste, I'm ok with that. It's the texture that ruins it for me. Snack: A handful of cashews: wanted something nutty A carrot: wanted something sweet Water with half a lemon: wanted something refreshing Dinner: 2 pieces of salmon the way I normally make it along with some rice Sautéed vegetables: Has brussel sprouts, kale, carrots, onions, and bell peppers all cooked with olive oil. a bowl of cheerios with almond milk: just to get the iron and other nutrients in Snack: A glass of decaf green tea: I watched a video on japan and started craving green tea lol Additional Notes: I woke up feeling bloated, sick, and done with life. I think it is because of the amount sodium I had yesterday. I notice that whenever I have more sodium than usual, I simply feel off. That and when there is too much oil in one dish, that also makes me feel really off internally. I couldn't get myself to eat breakfast because I felt so stuffed.

@Preety_India Agreed you can't have a sweet talk with a manipulator, man or woman. You need to call that shit out and enforce some boundaries. You need a tough love approach to these types of situations which means no nonsense. If they don't understand that this type of behavior isn't acceptable based on how people treat them, they will either find a person who will put up with bs or they will cry about how they are alone and no one likes them, which will then lead them to wallow in self pity and blame everyone else instead of taking responsibility. It just turns into an endless cycle of delusion and pain. As they say, you can lead a horse to water but can't force it to drink. Pain can be an indication that you need to improve something or you have a lesson to learn. Lessons repeat until you learn and for some people, those lessons repeat until they are in the grave.

I wasn't necessarily trying to defend their argument for manipulation, just explaining their thought process and how insecurity plays into it. It might be an explanation or reason but it sure as hell ain't an excuse. IMO, if a person's authentic self is an asshole, that person should evaluate that and fix whatever is causing them to be an asshole which will then lead their authentic self = not an asshole. They needs to fix their asshole tendencies with some introspection and self awareness instead of masking that shit with manipulation and hoping that a woman/ man won't see through that facade. It will create less headache in the long run and will help them fix other areas in life where they might be lacking

@Preety_India They resort to inauthenticity because they believe that their authentic selves are what stopping them from being well with women. It's like the whole "just be yourself" type of advice. Some men look at that and think either consciously or unconsciously "well just being myself isn't enough because I'm not enough." But yeah, doing things out of pain will manifest more pain either for yourself or others.

currently binging on the videos on this channel. I feel personally attacked by this video

This explains a lot of things regarding my subtle anxieties in life