soos_mite_ah

A Few Funny Anecdotes at the Gym I've been going to my college's gym for a few months now and I have met some entertaining characters along the way. I swear to god some of the guys I run into there, for better or for worse, are like human memes. One of the first memes I have come across is this guy who basically reminds me of the Golden One. For those of yall who don't know who the Golden One is, he's like this white supremacist who is built like a body builder and he has this whole cringy and memeable persona. I only know of this person because Contrapoints has made fun of him a couple of times in her videos. But basically, everytime I see this guy, I just want to start laughing. I have to try extra hard to not laugh especially when this guy keeps grunting and checking himself out. Just in general, I can't take anyone seriously if they are one of the people who grunts between reps. There are a few guys like that at the gym who are also in my classes and honestly, when I see these guys out and about on campus, that's the only thing I can think about. While guys grunting is not my favorite thing that I encountered at the gym, there is something else that I think about a lot that really made my day. So there were these three guys that walked in on the section where I normally get my weights. They were all dorky as hell (one of them had a math formula tatted on his forearm) and they were basically trying to hype each other up at the gym. It was really wholesome. Then one of the guys was trying to teach the other two how to do dumbell flys correctly. While he was teaching his friends he kept repeating "fly away little birdy fly away." And then, when this guy started doing dumbell flys himself, he let out a *cakaw* between each rep as if he was a bird. Once he and his friends finished up with the dumbell flys another one of the guys, puts his arm around the other two and said "one of these days, men, we are going to be mightly falcons" and then they all got really hyped up. The whole thing was cute and really funny and over all they seem like fun wholesome people to be around. I haven't seen them since but I hope they're well on their way on accomplishing their goals. I think about this moment whenever I catch myself feeling a little down as a reminder to not take myself to seriously at the gym. There was this one guy that I saw that was wearing a black t-shirt with white letters saying "Alphathlete." I remember doing a double take when I saw that because that was really cringe. I just remember thinking *OH GOD..... HE'S ONE OF THOSE....* I was just standing there like: And unfortunately, this isn't the only time that I encounter weird shit like this at the gym. I have heard some conversations that were kind of concerning to say the least. I can't really say I'm surprised because it's just the regular ol' stage orange shit. It's like *surprised pikachu face* gym bros have conservative stage orange political leanings. Also on a brigher note, I scared my first person at the gym the other day. I mentioned this somewhere in the first post of this journal but I'm not going to the gym with any specific goals other than to have fun and create a habit. And part of having fun is scaring people at the gym. So what happened was I was using the calf raise machine. After I was done I went over to another machine to do a different exercise. There was this one girl that walked up to the calf raise machine after me and she just said to herself "WHO TF IS DOING CALF RAISES AT 250lbs!?!??!?!" loud enough to where I can hear near by, And I'm just sitting here just like:

So I recently started working out again. I wrote about this in my main journal: I'm making this journal mainly so that I can keep myself in the consistent habit of going to the gym and so that I can keep track of my progress. I don't really have an agenda in mind when I'm going to the gym. I just do whatever exercises that seem fun. No fitness goals just fun vibes lol. Also side note, if anyone who knows what they are doing wants to chime in, go ahead because I have no idea what I'm doing. Anyways, here is where I'm at so far: Horizontal Leg Press: 220lbs 6 sets of 15 reps Leg Extentions: 100lbs for both legs, 50lbs for one leg 6 sets of 8 reps Squats: 75lbs (I do find this relatively easy but I want to be extra careful with exercises with the bar and I want to focus on form) 4 sets of 15 reps Standing Calf raises: 110lbs 4 sets of 15 reps Dumbell Curls and Dumbell Chest Press: 17.5-20lbs on each arm (still feeling this out and figuring out what I should start off with), 35-40lbs total 3 sets of 20 reps for each exercise Dumbell Fly: 7.5lbs on each arm, 15 lbs total 3 sets of 10 reps I'm choosing not to do cardio because I genuinely don't enjoy it and it fills me up with dread to where I don't even want to go to the gym. Who knows, maybe I'll warm up to the idea one day to challenge myself. And speaking of warm ups and cool downs, the only warm up and cool downs that I really do is walking and some basic stretches. My main goal wiht all of this is to build up the habit of working out and associating this with something that is enjoyable to me instead of something that I'm doing because I'm not happy with myself. I'm also doing this because I want to build a better relationship with my body. I know just in general that lifting weights and getting good at what I know I can do is feels empowering.

I've been working out regularly for the last 3 ish months. I will admit, I don't know what I'm doing and I'm figuring things out about as I go along about both my body and how fitness works in general. Feel free to call out any misconceptions I might be having or any gaps in my thinking. @Michael569 I'm tagging you hear because I would love your input if you don't mind . Why am I progressing in weights so quickly / why can I lift so much? I started out being able to do dumbell curls with 17.5 lbs weights on each arm and being able to leg press 220 lbs (these aren't the only exercises I'm doing but this is a good reference I want to use for this post). I've been told that this was pretty impressive for a woman who is just starting out with working out. I'm not sure to what extent that is the case but not to be cocky but I do notice myself lifting more than a lot of people despite not putting in that much work (by that I mean it isn't like I've been going to the gym for months or years to get to this point). WIthin a couple of months I managed to go up to 25 lbs on each arm for dumbell curls and being able to leg press 370 lbs. I haven't been taking any supplements, protein shakes, pre-workouts etc. and I haven't changed up my diet all that much. I only work out about 3-4 times a week because of my schedule. I didn't go into the gym expecting much in terms of goals other than to build a consistent habit and to enjoy working out (both of which I would say that I have achieved). I don't know what I'm doing to cause this much progression in a short period of time and I don't know to what extent it is normal. Part of me is hesitant to see this progression as real because I'm nervous that it's because I have bad form or something. Another part of me wants to write it off as genetics because I do have quite a bit of muscle mass starting out and in my mind, I guess the part of it has to do with I had the muscle already and now it was just a matter of tapping into the strength potential I already had. I don't know to what extent that makes sense or is valid. Why can I lift so much but I can't do a pull up, or do a full body push up in correct form? My guess is that those exercises target different muscles that I normally don't work out. My arm workout routine consists of dumbell curls, dumbell chest presses, latteral pulldowns, and seated cable rows. Idk, I just think it's weird that I can do multiple sets of each of these exercises at a good amount of weight but I can't do a couple of simple exercises. How necessary is cardio? I don't do cardio because I think it's boring and tbh I suck at it really badly (as in I can't do a 10 minute run without questioning my life). I haven't done any cardio other than walking 15 minutes to and from the gym and walking about 2 miles a day on campus (if you want to count that but I don't lol). I don't really intend to do so because again, I don't have any specific goals at the gym other than to have fun and do the exercises I enjoy. But I will admit, the fact that I can't get through more than 15 minutes on any cardio machine makes me feel pretty unfit. I get that different bodies are capable of different things and maybe I'm just not built for that but I do wonder if there is anything wrong with me not doing or not being able to do cardio. I feel like it hits even more as a woman since most of the time when I see other girls at the gym, they're usually doing cardio for 20-40 minutes and for as long as I can remember, I have been hearing things from the people around me on how cardio helps you lose weight and how women shouldn't be lifiting if they want that skinny lean physique. I know alot of that is bullshit but it still does affect my view of myself and how I compare to other women in general even if I have my own thing going on. Doing weights but not bulking up? So I have noticed that both my arms and legs have been getting more toned but also they have been getting bigger. I'm going to be perfectly honest, I'm not the biggest fan of that and a lot of it does have to do with my personal body image issues regarding my size. I have heard the whole thing about if you want to be toned but not bulk up, the key is to use lighter weights and more reps. I do 4 sets of 10-14 reps in each exercise. I'm not sure if that is a lot of reps or not enough. I just know that at that amount of reps, I can still lift a lot and lessening the amount of weights makes me feel like I'm not challenging my body and am basically doing nothing (i've tried to do 20 reps of leg pressing 220 lbs the other day and it literally felt like I wasn't doing anything since I didn't feel anything in my legs). Even though I enjoy doing weights, part of me wants to quit because I hate the way that I look. I know that is pretty superficial and I do get a lot of fulfillment and enjoyment out of lifting weights. Also it goes without me saying that a lot of my desire to quit has more to do with conforming to a dumb beauty standard and being insecure so I know it isn't coming from an authentic place. I'm not going to quit doing weights but there is a part of me that wonders if I would be able to continue doing them and improving in weights without exasserbating my insecurities. It also doesn't help that my mom is noticing these changes in my body and she greatly dissaproves of me doing any strength training because she thinks I look too big, I'm not losing weight, and because I look manly since I don't have a "thin and graceful physique" as she puts it. I've never had that body type in the first place and she has always had unrealistic standards on how small I should be since she doesn't differentiate between muscle and fat.

I try to stay off of social media for these reasons especially since there is a lot of misinformation out there regarding diet and fitness that can potentially be harmful physically and mentally. Also, influencers pushing supplements just plain annoy me lol. I just wanted to include a couple of pictures to illustrate what I mean by toned vs. muscular. It's just that I am self conscious about getting bigger. I know the right picture looks unrealistic, but I feel that my lower body and my arms kind of look like that granted I continue with my current routine and then cut some fat out (also my chest and stomach are much squishier so there is that). What I'm trying to say is that I feel like I'm closer to the right picture than the left (even though I always wanted to look more like the left). And while I do love the capabilities of my body, I feel like I look so big and bulky rather than that skinny toned look. And it doesn't help that a lot of my clothes don't fit me anymore (or at the very least don't fit the same way) and I've always associated needing a larger size with *oh no you're gaining fat, you need to start restricting again*. Thankfully I have been resisting the urge to do that but a lot of my insecurities do feel like it's at the forefront because I feel like I look like a worse version of myself. I know that weight gain is inevitable when it comes to what I'm doing which is weightlifting + eating more and that this is necessary given my physical and emotional health, but at the same time I haven't made peace with my changing body yet (and that's ok because it's a work in progress). I know that I shouldn't focus on aesthetics as it can get really neurotic really quickly but I have been told my whole life that I'm too big and that I need to lose weight. It's only fairly recently that I started realizing that I'm not necessarily fat but that a lot of my weight does come from muscle mass and that my body, though it isn't thin, is pretty fit and capable of doing amazing things. Not only that, but I've been fed a lot of ideas around what beauty and femininity looks like so while I know that I'm not going to get completely jacked unless I do steriods, there is that fear that has been socially conditioned in me of getting big and looking masculine. And of course there is also the socially conditioned notion that smallness correllates with femininity and desireablity which is a can of worms of it's own. I know logically that the social conditioning isn't healthy and it something that really fucks with a lot of women but it's something that I'm still grappling with emotionally. And working out along with some of the comments I have received about my body (both recently and just in general) brought a lot of those insecurities to the surface. The insecurites are something that I try to be mindful of both when it comes to my relationship with food and fitness. Some of the things that I try to do include working out in the morning so I don't encounter a lot of the people I compare myself to, and workout out where there aren't any mirrors so I don't pick myself apart and so I can focus on what I'm doing. Will keep that in mind. The other day I did try to do some cardio at the gym and I found out that I can tolerate cycling. And this is a little embarrassing but I find that dancing around like and idiot in my room for an hour or two is an effective way to get my heart rate up and start sweating without me hating my life lmaooo.

Huh interesting. Idk I feel like I always see everyone doing pull ups and push ups as if it's easy and that's the first thing that you start off with. I remember growing up I would fail certain sections of fitness exams just because I can't do either one of those. It's one of the reasons (along with sucking at cardio) that convinced me that I was super unfit growing up lmao. Let's just say I've been having second thoughts lately lol. I can do about 70 lbs on lateral pulldowns and I weigh somewhere around 140 lbs. So yeah.... I got a bit to go. Can increasing weights for lateral pull downs help with doing pull ups? Do both of those exercises work similar muscles? As for chest press, I do dumbell chest presses with 25lbs on each hand (so 50lbs total but I'm not sure if you count it like that). And yeah, again, have quite a bit to go. Again, can increasing weights for chest presses help with the push ups? I can do push ups on my knees really well. I can do a few full body ones but form wise.... it isn't the best. It's basically being faily thin with just a little bit of muscle tone without looking bulky. So basically: Would you still lose calories this way or be challenged? Because part of the reason why I like lifting weights is seeing improvement in the form of being able to do more reps or more weights. Also, this is probably going to be a REALLY dumb question but would it be possible to lose muscle mass while still maintaining your strength? I always heard the opposite. I thought focussing on building more endurance as opposed to maximizing strength was the thing that made people more lean but not as big. Kind of how pilates focuses on muscle endurance and reps as opposed to adding more weights as you would do with weight lifting. Yeah.... I'm dealing with my own issues regarding focusing on and appreciating what my body is able to do rather than basing my worth on what it looks like and her comments really don't help. Like the other day I was talking to her about how I'm excited about how I finally managed to stay consistent with working out and I found things I enjoyed and she basically said it doesn't count unless I'm losing weight. She then went on to tell me that my arms and legs look and feel gross because of how hard they feel and because some of the muscles poke out a little and how I need to stop because I'm ruining my already big body. Again... I know what she's saying is absolute bs, but it does get to me a lot tbh since my weight/size is something she's been scolding me on since I was a child becase of her own insecurities. Thanks, I'll check that out.

Also another question: What's the deal with rest days and why can I lift more despite not working out for 3 weeks? I got sick earlier this month for 2 weeks and I has my period for another week. I didnt work out for those 3 weeks. When I returned to the gym, I noticed I can do heavier weights and more reps. How did that happen lol?

It's that time of the year again

No I haven't but I have found plenty of sources online as well as the direct experiences of the people I know in my life to guide me through this to where I get the over all premise of the concept.

Ngl, I do every now and then go through phases of pessimissim because everything is expensive, wages have been stagnant, the world is slowly melting, there is a pandemic happening outside, and of course, right wing political extremism. Sometimes it's just like... welp tf do I have to look forward to? What am I working towards if nothing is promised or guranteed? I often feel burnt out by the way I have been working on things academically and professionally because I don't have that much time to myself. Even though I am working hard, there is a part of me that is afraid that it won't pay off and that I'm just going to be a wage slave anyway. Worst of all, becoming a wage slave at a dead end job with a decent salary that can have you affording basic shit that won't overwork you is the best case scenario compared to shit like the gig economy and having 5 side hustles to the point where you have monetized anything and everything that brings you joy just to make ends meet. And don't even get me started on having kids. Personal reasons aside, I don't want to raise kids in a world like this. My peers and I sometimes joke about making plans with this notion of if there will even be a future because in roughly 10 years or so, climate change is going to get REALLY bad. It would be along the lines of "well when I'm in my 30 *insert thing to do in your 30s* that is if there is even going to be an Earth then lmaooo." And even though it is a joke, there is this part that is actually serious in the sense of again... what do we have to look foward to?? These jokes were made prepandemic btw so shit has gotten worse since then.

He tried to fuel a culture war and instead ended up announcing to millions of people that he sucks in bed and can't get his wife wet

So basically, I'm really done with overthinking, analyzing, and modelling and I find myself just wanting to be and not do much a lot of the time. I feel like part of this has to do with me being bombarded with information to where I'm just done at this point and this is my way of mentally checking out or dissassociating in a minor way. But could this also be a symptom of me getting over my over thinking/ analyzing and, well not to sound pretentious, "transcending the mind"? I wrote about this much more in my journal: And to me, I would characterize my "head empty, no thoughts* era as one where I stop ruminating about things and just let myself be in the present moment. It's also about me making the conscious decision to not stress or overthink and overanalyze things because at some point, it doesn't produce anymore insights rather it just becomes a marathon of mental gymnastics that leaves you exhausted mentally and emotionally. And at this point, I would say it's fairly easy for me to meditate for a lengthy amount of time and see it something that is purely restful rather than something that I need to work at. If anything, I need those *head empty, no thoughts* part of my day to function as a person lol. I don't think I have "transcended the mind." I wouldn't dare say that I have dealt with the issues that come with stage yellow sufficiently enough to be beyond that stage. Part of me wonders if I am actually dealing with this or if this is a response to me being mentally exhausted by the stuff going on in the world and just being a university student who is ready to graduate instead of being surrounded by information 24/7. I will say that being at stage green/yellow through my college years has caused me to take in a lot academically and find a lot of fulfillment in being a student. I feel like if I was at any other shade of the other stages or if I came to college prematurely that it just wouldn't hit in the same way. Another part of me wonders if this is me hitting some type of stage yellow wall that is coinciding well with me transitioning into life after college. I guess only time can tell and that I graduate and go into this next stage of my life to see if this is manifesting in a healthy way or if this is just me dissassociating from information overload. Because tbh, when I think of emptying my mind and how I sometimes feel when I do it, I feel like this clip from Spongebob and I highly doubt that's highly consicous stage turquoise lol. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VideoExamples/MentalWorld#video-link

@puporing I'm with you on that which is why I'm trying to do as much as I can on my own and using psychedelics as a last resort. I can attest to that claim with my personal experiences with self development work. TBH, I have a nice dose of skepticism when it comes to psychedelics. Mainly because I don't think it's wise to start taking any substances, specifically drugs, from the instruction of the internet or some talking head on YouTube. Also, under the wrong circumstances, psychedelics can really fuck you up which is why I personally don't think it's wise to get into it until you're in your mid to late 20s at the earliest (and obviously take every precaustion you can take and mentally prepare in advance). I mean, there is pleanty of work and development that is to be done before those years and you can make pretty good substantial progress. Plus I think getting into it too early can cause people to use it as a quick fix instead of building up your skills in things like reflection, self awareness, being practical, etc. There are plenty of people who still have their work cut out for them despite having an awakening or two.

I think a huge problem with stages such as Yellow and Turquoise is because since they aren't very mainstream and the framework for those stages are still being created, you don't see a variety of examples in casual settings. For example, with stage Orange, as a society we had to put in the framework for it through things like different scientific discoveries and the intellectual philosophies of the enlightenment era. WIthout that framework, the Kardashians for instance would probably be burnt at the stake or won't exist all together. But just because you're Orange, it doesn't mean you're going to be Steven Hawking Orange, rather you could Tai Lopez Orange What I mean by that is that you need to have the complex stuff in a stage come first before it gets integrated into society to where it becomes mainstream enough to have variations within the stages and to where you see the stage in a more casual setting. I think Green is also a good example of this because you don't have to be a full on hippy to be substantially Green. I know plenty of Green people who don't particulary resonate with that particular crowd because they see holes in their logic or they just express their Green energy differently but they still do have similar vibes. For example. most of my friends are pretty Green but aren't full on hippies because they have a well integrated stage Orange and because they simply have other ways of expressing the same values (like opting for expanding their emotional awareness and acceptance in therapy instead of a heart chakra meditation for instance without discrediting the later. Or by seeing the holes in the logic of some anti vaxx spiritual people while still seeing the vaildity their teachings/ values). With Yellow and Turquoise on the other hand, the different variations haven't formed just yet and I think a lot of the mysticism is the intellectual framework we are still navigating. Maybe there will be a time (in a few hundred years, not anytime soon lol) when delving into psychedelics and hours of contemplation won't be necessary because Turquoise is mainstream and it's the default. Maybe there will be a time where you can just be a stage Turquoise himbo and just live your best life. I think it can be beneficial to think about what Turquoise can look like without the path to mysticism but at the same time, that path at the moment is largely necessay because again... need to establish the framework.

100% agree with all of this. I honestly didn't mean for it to come off as particularly negative. I was intending to illustrate on how the notion that "no one will understand me" doesn't carry the typical negative charge that most people associate it with rather for me the notion carries a neutral connotation as far as my experiences go. That said, there isn't anything wrong with being frustrated with this type of thing. It's just part of the process sometimes. I really like this. In my original journal post, I did write about how I was taking a step back from spirituality and how that as a result caused me to step back from SD and create goals for myself independent of it. I think it was very beneficial for me and it has helped me ground myself in the questions you explained aove. And I just want to acknowledge that. That's valid and I can see how that would work. I suppose my lack of psychedelic experience does contribute to me only scratching the very surface of transcending different mental models. However, I did mention in a previous comment that this is something that I'm not quite ready to try just yet.

Just watched this episode and I honestly feel like it made me reflect on all of the bullets I dodged over the last 4ish years and how cautious I actually tend to be.

@Carl-Richard I really appreciate your comment and I think there is a lot of good stuff there. So basically from what I'm gathering is that Turquoise isn't necessarily Yellow + mysticism. Instead Turquoise is more of an applied Yellow that may or may not encorporate mysticism. Does that sound right? I guess I don't really see myself past Yellow and in Turquoise because I don't particularly see myself dipping into mysticism just yet. I will say that I did have that conception of Turquoise just being a more mystical Yellow where everything gets dismantled. But then again, even when I was in stage green where people tend to jump to the hippy dippy stuff, sure I was intrigued by that stuff, but I wasn't super woo woo. I feel like I was more of the progressive, social sciency type instead. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didn't find myself being super spiritual when I was getting into Green from Orange but I did see myself getting into it a little bit. And I wonder what that would look like going forward in the next stages when I'm going Yellow to Turquoise and if there would be any parallels given my general tendencies. I think that would be a good action item to look into. Personally, I'm not ready for psychedelics just yet. Gotta let that frontal lobe develop first lol. But a meditation retreat is definitely on my to do list and I don't think it would hurt to look into a few teachers here and there to see what resonates. I feel like I'm already there. I don't feel so angsty about people not understanding me rather it's more along the lines of "we're in different places in our lives and we've had different experiences and that is perfectly ok because no one can truly understand anyone without embodiment." But at the same time, it is said that the higher stages include and transcend the lower stages. For instance, even if you aren't at for example stage red, you can still empathize with them on their human experience without acting in the same way. I find myself in that position a lot where it isn't difficult for me to relate or empathize with people so as a result, the lonliness that is associating with nO oNE unDeRStanDS isn't really there. I feel like a lot of the framework and values I have for a good spiritual life (and life in general) is already there and I'm just at a point where I need to step into it and embody it going forward. I do find myself questioning things from the quality of my direct experiences and sources a lot as well but I do think that it's just the tip of the ice berg and isn't in the scale of **lets go and dismantle the concept of space and time.** I feel like I've been in somewhere in Yellow for the past 4 years now, whether it is late Green/ early Yellow, or plain Yellow mixed in with other shadows from previous stages. As a result, I've been focusing a lot of my attention on dealing with a lot of those shadows so I could be a healthier, more solid version of Yellow. Then again, I could really benefit more on just diving into Yellow more instead of merely dealing with the stuff that is covering it up if that makes sense. Goes back to what @Zigzag Idiot had to say.

SD aside, I feel like building a quality social circle has to do with making yourself into a quality person, sharing that with people, and then keeping the people you resonate with around. Personally, I am a firm believer that in many cases, messy people tend to attract messy people because messy people don't have standards for themselves or other people and are willing to go whereever they are tolerated. If you have firm boundaries, a sense of purpose, and are consistently working on yourself to become more self aware, messy people like that simply won't stick around or if you do encounter them, you simply won't resonate or click with them. I know a lot of messy people in my life. I don't particularly dislike them or anything from the get go nor did I pick up on really bad vibes, but we never clicked in that way so as a result, I never got caught up in their drama and shenanigans. I mean, just think about the way you relate to people, what you talk to them about, how you go about talking about different things, and the overall dynamics you find yourself if. I would say working on those things and reflecting on that would be a good place to start because that's how a lot of people tend to exuberate their values and show people where they are at. Other than that, I would also suggest having and open mind and talking to a variety of different people. Let's be real, you're probably not going to hit it off with like 90% of them regardless of where you may be mentally but you don't need to please everyone. Just find the handful of people you click with, nurture those relationships, and next thing you know, BAM you have a quality social circle. To make that social circle into a group of friends. I cannot stress this enough but both of yall need to be consistent in making plans with each other so yall can get to know each other and deepen the bond. Unless you're still in school, this is going to be something that can make or break you since people have busy lives and conflicting schedules. Prioritize people in your life and prioritize maintaining relationships. And in many cases, I quite literally mean schedule out time for this type of thing.

Kardashain Memes I Associate with Sections on this Forum So after taking a break from this forum, I feel like I have a clearer mind. I also feel like sometimes we all take this place and our journey to be more conscious a little too seriously at times to where it sometimes gets in the way of relatability. Plus I just like memes lol. Self Actualization: Dead ass, I feel like I started realizing shit in 2016 and I haven't stopped since lol Meditation, Consciousness, Enlightenment, Spirituality: Life Purpose, Career, Entrepreneurship: Dating, Relationships, and Sexuality: Health, Fitness, Nutrition: Serious Emotional Problems:

Granted this is the only forum I'm really on but I will say that I feel like I'm pretty cool with the mods here and that they usually have well balanced interactions. I know one of my friends irl who has been on a variety of internet forums and is a mod in many of them and this person has shared me stories about what somethings they have to put up with behind the scenes which I found intriguing. This is also a person who I considered well balanced and takes well thought out action so as a result, I suppose from my positive experiences with mods on and offline that I do have a good image of them. I think depending on who is chosing the mods and what forums you're on, the quality of mods can vary but generally speaking, there is a reason why some people are mods and why some aren't and it's perfectly understandable to have some form of regulation on a forum.

Spiral Check April 2022 So I decided to revist where I might be on the spiral since it's been a minute, I don't have much inspiration to write but I want to write anyway, and because why tf not. I took the things that I still had left over since I have last written about the topic and deleted the excess stuff that I feel doesn't resonate with me anymore for the sake of clarity and conciseness. I will say, I have my doubts on how much I have progressed, not as an individual since I do feel like I have grown considerably in the last 6 months or so, but in terms of SD. I suppose a lot of it has to do with both me taking a step back from spirituality as well as me not actively using SD as a model, therefore I'm taking a more passive *let me just ease into the stages naturally* approach rather than a more active place where I look at how I need to grow according to spiral dynamics and having that map out my growth. Tbh, I have had other things on my plate that I don't think that SD cleanly aligns with. And that's okay. And to me, I would characterize my "head empty, no thoughts* era as one where I stop ruminating about things and just let myself be in the present moment. It's also about me making the conscious decision to not stress or overthink and overanalyze things because at some point, it doesn't produce anymore insights rather it just becomes a marathon of mental gymnastics that leaves you exhausted mentally and emotionally. And at this point, I would say it's fairly easy for me to meditate for a lengthy amount of time and see it something that is purely restful rather than something that I need to work at. If anything, I need those *head empty, no thoughts* part of my day to function as a person lol. I don't think I have "transcended the mind." I wouldn't dare say that I have dealt with the issues that come with stage yellow sufficiently enough to be beyond that stage. Part of me wonders if I am actually dealing with this or if this is a response to me being mentally exhausted by the stuff going on in the world and just being a university student who is ready to graduate instead of being surrounded by information 24/7. I will say that being at stage green/yellow through my college years has caused me to take in a lot academically and find a lot of fulfillment in being a student. I feel like if I was at any other shade of the other stages or if I came to college prematurely that it just wouldn't hit in the same way. Another part of me wonders if this is me hitting some type of stage yellow wall that is coinciding well with me transitioning into life after college. I guess only time can tell and that I graduate and go into this next stage of my life to see if this is manifesting in a healthy way or if this is just me dissassociating from information overload. Because tbh, when I think of emptying my mind and how I sometimes feel when I do it, I feel like this clip from Spongebob and I highly doubt that's highly consicous stage turquoise lol. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VideoExamples/MentalWorld#video-link Can invent futuristic solutions that aren't pragmatic. Looks good on paper but can't actualize (1:40:18). Can't finish something because they have so many ideas and visions (1:40:34) September 2021: I need to really commit to a life purpose and address my ADHD. That's a whole thing on it's own that I plan to work through once I get out of this depressing/ self loathing slump. April 2022: Again, since I'm in my *head empty, no thoughts* era, I can't really say I'm at a place where I am inventing futuristic solutions. I still feel like I have a lot to learn as far as things like work experience and life experience goes before I can reach the expertise to do something like that. I don't think this has to do with a lack of commitment to my purpose or issues with my ADHD now that I'm no longer in the same depressing/self loathing slump I was at a few months ago.

@mojsterr already happened. It was Sonia Sotomayor We haven't had an Asian person in the Supreme court though

Also, on a lighter note, this reminded me of something: Just watch the part from 3:04-3:18 lmaoooo

A lot of spiritual practices have historically prohibited women from participating or saw spirituality as mainly a male only thing because of this notion that men are the only ones who are concious and rational. And while that has been a significant amount of progress over the years, I'm sure that the legacy of that history still continues in the form of notions such as "we can't trust women, they are hysterical."

It's good that he can reflect on it but at the same time did he address how exactly he is trying to heal/ deal with this issue? if not, it's probably more of an excuse than a reason. And ngl, the whole iT'S toO mUCh PrEsSUre feels like a classic fuckboy line.