soos_mite_ah

Just created yet another journal since my other journal was getting too long. I've also been wanting a new start and a new space since my last journal was started way back in 2021 when my life was very different from where I'm at right now. Here are my two previous journals for a quick reference/ recap: Psychoanalyzing Myself: 9/1/2021- 12/25/2024 The Joy Journal: 7/19/2020 - 9/7/2021

The comments under this are killing me lmaooo "If he would have been born a thousand years earlier, we would all be speaking norwegian now" "Using someone's face to score a goal has to be one of the most badass football moments ️‍" "Imagine 1000 years ago that dude comes at you with a sword"

I'm just creating a separate journal for myself where I can pour all of my negative emotions into and just rant/ vent in. I'm not dealing with an influx of negative emotions rather I just want to have a separate space for this apart from my main journal where I have more constructive and coherent posts. I have been journalling privately about things like this so I can have the space to just let things out but sometimes I feel like I want to share things that are kind of in the middle of me spewing things out (which I can do privately) and me having more contructive thoughts (which I have been doing in my main journal).

Different Experiences of Motherhood I watched this episode of Supernanny and I cried the whole time. I feel like this depicts one of my nightmare scenarios when I think of me deciding to go on the path of becoming a parent. Basically, Antionette meets her husband Dwight, gets married, has a couple kids with him, and then soon after that, Dwight passes away. The kids are pretty young too. The younger kid is only like 5 months old when the dad passes away and the older is about 2 years old. Unlike a lot of the other episodes of Supernanny, the parents seem like reasonable people who did do a lot of things right. They aren't super young with 5 kids and keep popping more out. The kids seem relatively normal and not feral (tbh, it was nice to see how this 2-year old acts as a reference of what is normal after seeing episodes of demon kids feeding off each other). And that's why I wrote about the notion of wanting to be a parent unconditionally because you can do everything right, and still be in the trenches and find yourself as a single mom of two young kids. The episode was very touching. It mainly focused on helping the mom have some degree of structure in her day to day, give her space to grieve, and brushed up on some parenting techniques. I loved how the show got her community involved to help her through this and the amount of time they dedicated to keep the dad's spirit alive for the kids so that they will still know their father in some way and still be connected to their father from the relationship the dad had in their community. The scene where Antoinette was expressing the anger in her grief really stuck with me because imagine dating around, nothing working out, and then eventually you finally meet the love of your life in your late 30s. Everything is going great and you're building a life together, you have two kids, and shortly after that, he just dies. Imagine having to go through your preganancy and raising infants while having to provide end of life care for your husband. Like I have thought of scenarios like this of what to do if shit really hit the fan while I have a kid. And I think I could handle it even if it's difficult. But I don't think I could handle something like this if it happened in the first 5 years of me having a kid, much less having multiple kids. The baby and toddler stage already freak me out. But imagine having to deal with that with a bunch of disasters happening in your personal life and you have to hold it together for you kid. Motherhood can show up in many different ways depending on someone's personal history, their life situation, where they are in the world, their socioeconomic class, how supportive their partner is, what kind of community they have around them, what kind of infrastructure (parenting can look different in a suburb vs a city for example), and of course, random life events happening. I try to tell myself that my experience of motherhood can be very different depending on all of these factors. In a more positive note, I think I will have a very different relationship to motherhood compared to my mom and grandma who didn't have much of a choice in the matter because of how carefully I'm thinking through this, how I would prepare for a life event like this, and the extent of which I have an education and a career to where I can financially stand on my own. I will have a very different relationship to motherhood compared to my peers who got preganant and had their kid in their teens and early twenties. In the same way that losing a parent when you're in your 20s is a very different experience to losing a parent in your 40s or 50s, I believe that having a kid in your teens/early 20s is very different from having a kid in your 30s or 40s. It's still going to be hard and there are tradeoffs on whichever age you become a parent, hence why there is no perfect time to be a parent, but some trade offs are worse than other imo. I know some people talk about having kids young so you have the energy, but I think that having kids older is a much more stable time to have your kid. I know I wrote above on the different levels to adulthood and I think that when you're at level 1 or 2 of being an adult and you have a kid, you have to figure out how to be an adult and raise the kid at the same time. Both are difficult things to do, and having to do that at the same time often means you're stunting yourself in a lot of ways which then seeps into how you rais your kid, stunting them as well. I know the counterarguement will be *well, you have to grow up faster if you become a parent young* and to that I would say that just because you grow up fast, doesn't mean you grow up right. And often times, when you are rushing, you're missing key milestones and a sustainable pacing that will help you grow your maturity in a more solidified way. I feel much more capable of parenthood at 26 than I do at 23. I wrote about this before but I remember at 23 feeling like I have so much more to figure out in life to where pregnancy and motherhood felt like a death sentance. Maybe part of the reason why parenthood also felt really scary back then is because literally some of the craziest people I knew were getting pregnant and they were getting pregnant very young to where having a kid was a super disrupting event. I'm not saying that having a kid in your 30s and beyond isn't also disrupting, but it isn't like developmentally disruptive. Similarly, if you were 27 when COVID happened, even though it sucked, you probably came out unscathed since you had a fully formed brain. But if you were like 7 when COVID happened, that probably disrupted your social, emotional, and educational development and still probably affects you today. So basically, considering that I'm thinking through my decision to become a parent carefully, I'm working with a therapist to deal with my various neurotic tendencies, I am a relatively stable and well adjusted adult, I have a good amount in savings and financial stability, and I have some basic education on how to raise a kid, all those things can mitigate how difficult parenthood can be for me. And that's not even considering the fact that if I decide to be a parent, I'm probably not going to have the kid until I'm in my mid 30s, giving me another 7-8 years to prepare and get my life together. Something that makes me emotional about this decision is how I have the opportunity to choose differently in my life compared to all the women before me in the way that parenthood is optional and I can create a beautiful and fulfilling life apart from it. Sure, it's had being in conflict with myself and being in this existential crisis, but the luxury of choice is not a luxury that everyone has. But, even if I do decide to go on the more conventional route and be a parent, I'm still going to experience parenthood very differently. On a more negative note, I could do everything right and have motherhood be difficult because life can be difficult. Going back to the Supernanny episodes, one of the things that really hit me was when the mom was saying things like "I wasn't supposed to be by myself and raise these kids alone" when talking about her husband suddenly passing away from cancer and leaving her to raise two young kids. I also think of how you can financially prepare and then have some fucked up life event that causes you to be in poverty and raise your kids in that situation. Again, the situation is less likely and the severity can be mitigated if you saved before, but you can still be in very difficult financial situations with a kid. Hell, something could happen to you and then your spouse has to raise the kid alone so it's so important to pick a good partner because they will be with you through some very difficult moments and they will have to pick up where you left off. You could have a perfectly healthy kid, they could get into a horrible accident, and then you have to care for a special needs kid which then changes the trajectory of their life and your experience in parenthood. Life is so long and so much can happen, and things can unfold in ways you didn't expect in a both negative and positive way. Also, taking both the good and bad into consideration, even though I'm pretty sure I would only have one kid if I decide to be a parent at all, I find it interesting when I hear stories of siblings who have a pretty big age gap and as a result, had completely different versions of their parents despite having the same parent. I think in general, while people love to talk about siblings having the same childhood, that isn't always accurate and the truth is more nuanced than that. Even if they were close in age, birth order can affect things and so does personalities and how they clash/ compliment with the parents. Each sibling can also have different ways they navigate the dynamics in the household and they can respond to the same upbringing or life events in different ways. I think of the example of Ross and Monica in Friends where the siblings were treated very differently from each other by the parents where Ross was the golden child of sorts and Monica was seen as the scapegoat. Sure, that's a more toxic example, but I think healthy versions of this can manifest in familes as well. Then there is the age gap of it all. The craziest example I can think of from my own life is this guy I was friends with in high school. His mom had him when she was 19 years old and his dad walked out on them. He never knew his father and grew up as an only child. In addition to his mom, he was also being taken care of by his aunt and grandma who he is pretty close to. But then, when we were 17 years old, his mom got pregnant with his half sister. Granted I didn't keep in touch with him after highschool, but I remember even when we were in highschool and his sister was just born, I remember he was experiencing some grief around how his mom is having another kid in a much more stable part of her life and how his sister will have her dad in her life. And it was like watching the sibling have a much healthier childhood he never got to experience. I wonder how that has evolved over the years and I really hope they're all doing well. I have an older father and I was born when my dad was 42. He has some regret around having a kid so late in life because that means that he will have less time with me and potentially his grandkid. But then I think about how my life would have gone had I been born in 1989 instead of 1999. Even though he was 32 and was at an age where its very typical to have a kid, and most of his peers were having kids, I would have gotten a very different version of my dad. That version had yet to unpack his PTSD and was still getting flashbacks. That version was very financially unstable and would have materially given me a very different life compared to the upper middle class upbringing I had. I wouldn't have had the education I had much less be able to pay for college. I wouldn't have gone on the family vacations that enriched my childhood and contributed to the adult I am today. That version had a lot more issues mentally, emotionally, and financially he had yet to work through. Don't get me wrong, my dad wasn't perfect when raising me but I am thankful that I didn't go through any of that.

I find myself contemplating motherhood a lot in terms of me trying to make more long term plans for my life. I'm trying to figure out if this is the path for me, if this is something I should do, and if this is something I'm even cut out for. I also want my thoughts to be organized in one place.

I feel like I need to rant about my body image for a little bit. I think 75 hard is causing me to hyper focus on my body composition. I know I lost a little weight based on how my clothes are fitting and how I have more muscle tone. But for some reason, I feel even fatter now as if I'm hyper aware of the squish. I also feel like my sense of what is considered thin is distorted with society's shift back to being really skinny. It's good that I'm off social media and that I'm limitting my exposure to that type of content but sometimes, despite me limiting my media consumption, it feels inescapable. I feel like no matter where I look, I see celebrities getting really skinny, people talking about how pilates got them long lean muscles even though it doesn't work that way, skinny tok people, people talking about being in a calorie deficit, people talking about maximizing protein, ozempic, and people rejecting body positivity. While society is losing it right now, I won't deny and say that some of it isn't my fault either. My body image has never been stable. Even though I have felt good and bad about my body throughout the years, I never felt like I had an accurate perception of what my body looks like. I'm not skinny. I'm like 5'2" and a 150 lbs. But I can't say I'm big either since I typically wear a small or extra small. But sometimes I have to size up to a medium or large to fit my chest. I can't say I'm skinny fat. I'm not particularly flappy or squishy. I can't say that I'm athletic because I do have parts of me that is squishy and I'm not lean. Like yes, since I'm 150 lbs and 5'2" but I wear a small, I do have a good bit of muscle mass. But at the same time, I still feel considerably larger than women who are my height, especially when I think of the whole "pilates body" thing. I have a large chest (I'm a 30I) and often times I feel like that throws me off but I don't think I can say I'm curvy either because I'm like 5'2". Like yes I do have a chest and a butt, but because of my height, I don't feel curvy rather I just feel compressed. It's like I'm smaller than the average woman, but bigger than the average woman who is 5'2". I'm more athletic than average which is why I don't look squishy but I'm not super lean so I don't look shredded. But I'm also not fat either but then my chest throws everything off. It's like I cannot cleanly fit into any body type or category which messes with my head and also makes shopping hell. The best way I can describe my body type is dense. I'm working out twice a day and I'm really sweaty all the time. I know body changes take time but there is something about working out twice a day as opposed to 3 times a week that makes it feel like it's dragging out. Also, I do notice improvement in my overall fitness. The other day, I ran a mile on the elliptical in 6 min 57 seconds. My cardio is improving. I'm doing betting my fitness classes. The weights I have been lifting have been getting heavier. I have a higher baseline of physical activity. And as a result, I rarely feel sluggish and overful when eating out. So performance wise I'm improving, but I feel like the way my body feels doesn't match how it looks in an odd way. I also tried the 12-3-30 treadmill workout the other day. I completed it and I want to continue doing it because I want to challenge myself and get better. At the same time, I felt kind of trash doing it. I had to do two 15 min sessions with a break in between rather than doing the 30 min entirely. I was also holding on to the treadmill during most of it. I would give myself 1-2 min without holding the treadmill and then like 2 min holding the treadmill and I alternated according to my ability. I was told this was a beginner workout and while I ultimately completed it, I feel like I struggled.

A Desire for More Responsibility I sometimes wonder to what extent do I actually want to be a parent vs to what extent this desire is just symptomatic of me wanting more responsibility in life and having a brighter outlook on the future. That's not to say that my desire to have more responsibility and the more optimistic outlook shouldn't contribute to me going in this direction of parenthood, but it's more so about determining if my desire for being a parenthood is a passing mood or if it's an orientation of how I want to structure my life. I was thinking about the nature of my desire around parenthood and a lot of it has to do with wanting to be a mentor and guiding young people. It's not a biological urge (pregnancy still feels gross but bareable). It's not a sense of ownership (I'm fine with being a step parent). I also like the idea of being a trusted adult in the lives of my friend's kids. Even if I choose to be child free, I don't wish to live in a child free world. And sometimes, I wonder if this desire is just coming from an age appropriate place as I want to hold myself to a higher standard. I have been writing about how I define adulthood for quite some time in my main journal. But I want to highlight the post below because I think it's really reflecting the sentiment of me entering a new phase in adulthood: In this post I talk about my realization that getting married and having kids are age appropriate activities for someone my age (irrespective of if it's the right decision for me specifically) and that while it's normal to be a little shocked at your 20 year old peer getting married and having a kid, it kind of gets into infantilization territory to have the same reaction when you're 26 and your 26 year old peer is getting married and having a kid. I also talked about the kind of adult I don't want to be in the form of this embarassing uncle that was at this wedding I was attending. And that section is more about how we need to up our standards when it comes to what we expect from the people around us based on their age / stage of life. The way that this man was acting was already not okay but it's even worse considering he's in his 60s and at an age where he should be the trusted adult in the room, not a drunk that has to get escorted out by security. And yeah, I do want to grow to be a trusted adult people can go to as I age. I also do feel a responsibility towards young people, especially kids. I think I can still have that role even if I decide to be child free, but I think it's also easy to conflate the desire to be a trusted adult and the responsibility you have towards young people with desiring parenthood. There is a connection there, don't get me wrong. I just want to be able to separate the two so that I can dissect how I'm feeling and understand how to approach parenthood. As I was reflecting on this, I kind of remembered something I wrote a while back and it feels revealing: I wrote this a year and a half ago but it feels like I wrote it at least 2-3 years ago. I like how I push back against my initial feeling that I'm averse to responsibility based on my values, life situation, and world view. I also like how I talked about not wanting kids here. I still think that the bullet points above reflect my stances today but what feels shocking is how I was worried I was averse to responsibility back in January 2025 while now in June 2026, it's obvious that I don't have an aversion to responsibility, and if anything I'm craving it. I also don't think that once you hit 18 that you're an adult and you're basically the same as a 30 year old or a 60 year old. I remember when I was 17 and my 18th birthday was right around the corner, I was so stressed out because I felt like I needed to have my whole life figured out from what I wanted to major in college to my plan to save up to buy a house. If I could go back in time, I would just tell my 18 year old self that there are levels to adulthood and you don't need to have level 3 figured out when you're at level 1. This is kind of how I would explain it to her: Level 1 Adulthood: This is the adulthood you reach legally when you turn 18 and you graduate highschool. At this point, you don't have to have a whole lot figured out, just know basic life skills like doing your own laundry, being able to clean your room and pick up after yourself, basic time managment for your college classes, and cook a couple meals so you don't starve. Maybe by now you're living away from your parents or living else where from where you grew up (if not, that's okay too). Ideally, by now, you also want to have good communication and relationship skills and some basic maturity so you're not being confused for being 14 years old or a neckbeard on the internet lol. So long as you do that and successfully avoid future killers like hard addictions, dating people in their 30s who have no business messing with 18-22 year olds, and you don't lose all your money in sports betting or crypto, you're good. Level 2 Adulthood: Usually by now if you went to college, you just graduated. Or, if you never went to college, you have been in the adult world for a few years. This stage usually starts at around 21-23 years old. By now, you don't have your entire future figured out, but you do need to have a general sense of direction and hopefully, some degree of financial independence from your parents. Around this time, you're learning how to navigate personal finance in a healthy way, figure out how to navigate the adult world and where you fit in, and you're just adjusting to life after being in an educational institution for most of your life. You're also in a more exploratory stage where you're figuring out what settling down looks like for you. You may be experimenting with different careers, figuring out what city you want to live in long term, date around and think about marriage, figure out if you want to have kids etc. You're also moving your life around a lot to explore your different options but also to logistically get to the life you want to settle into. Maintaining friends can be a bit difficult at this time because people are bouncing around trying to figure their lives out and those logistical changes and priority changes can change dynamics in your relationships. Level 3 Adulthood: Around this time, you have a good understanding of what settling down looks like for you and either you have made the moves to actualize that reality or you're already there. Life stabilizes more and you aren't bouncing around in the same way. That doesn't mean that you don't make changes at all, but you're usually working with a 5 to 10 year plan as opposed to thinking a year or two in advance like being in Level 2 adulthood. There is no set way to settle down. For some people, that means a stable career, a house in the suburbs, and 2.5 kids. For others, it can be travelling around nomadically, having a remote job, and deciding not to marry. For some it can be getting a house in the woods and living more monastically away from most people. Basically, you have established a specific lifestyle according to your dreams and values for a longer period of time. This isn't defined by a set age. Some people figure out what settling down looks like at 25. For others, it take them until they're 35. When and how people enter Level 3 is where a lot of people start diverging into different timelines and life experiences. Level 4 Adulthood: This is around the time when people approach middle age and they start seeing the fruits of their long term goals or the reprucussions of their bad habits that have compounded over the decades. You might or might not have a midlife crisis of some kind. Maybe by now, for some who had kids, they are moving out and now you're dealing with empty nest syndrome. Or perhaps, you have been in a set career for a while and you're either looking to change things up a bit or you're planning your exit. Maybe, you're freaking out about retirement as it is more of a concern for you since it's fast approaching. Even if you're like 50 and you're not planning on retiring until 65, 15 years later, your perception of time tends to speed up and you start to think that the 15 years will go by in a blink of an eye. Level 5 Adulthood: This is like retirement age. You're basically a senior citizen and depending on how old you are, a lot of the people you care about are going to start dropping like flies. You spend a lot of time contemplating the life you have lived and what you're going to do with the time you have left. You might have a quarter life crisis like the 20 year olds. However, while the 20 year old is having a quarter life crisis about what to do with the rest of their lives, your quarter life crisis is about what you're going to do with the last quarter of your life. Hopefully you have retired and now you're figuring out what to do with your life now that you aren't working. Or maybe you are still working in some way and you're trying to figure out how that's going to go going forward. You might have thought of your mortality over the years in the previous stages, but now, it's much more tangible and you're trying to figure out what that means practically, emotionally, and medically. Level 6 Adulthood: This is like 80+. You've been retired for a while now and as far as I know, if you haven't kicked the bucket yet, you're just waiting for your death and talking shit about people in the mean time. Some people get real freaky at the retirement homes from what I hear lol. And I would hope that over the years, you start to get wiser and that your sense of responsibility to the people around you increases. I feel like most people who are in their mid twenties, we're unc, but like to small children under the age of 10. Listen, I'm like unc to a 5 year old. But I'm not unc to a 17 year old. But as you approach your mid 30s and beyond, you're like unc to everyone younger than you at that point. And then, once you're like 50+ and you're like at level 4 and beyond, you're basically an elder in the community and hopefully, you act like. Unfortunately, there are a lot of old people that grow old, are stuck in their ways, and stagnate instead of getting wiser and becoming a reputable guide in the community. I feel like right now, I'm at a level 2.5. I feel like I have some elements of what settling down looks like for me figured out and I'm logistically making moves to actualize that. I know my values and what kind of life I want to create. I have my opinions on home ownership. I know what kind of city or place I want to be in long term. I know what I want in a life long partner (and I might have already met him). I know what kind of industry I want to be in. I feel like I'm competent enough for some people to look up to me. The only thing I feel like I haven't figured out is whether or not I want to be a parent. I do feel like it's more appropriate to have a leadership role for me and have more responsibility. I think that's normal as you start from level 1 and move to level 2 and beyond. I just don't know if that extra degree of leadership involves parenthood or not.

What is Punk Rock I was definitely one of the "emo" kids back in high school who listened to alt rock from the 90s and pop punk from the 00s despite being in 2016. I was born too late to be one of the proper emo kids of the early 2000s and I was born too early to be e-girl. Instead, I was born in the best time to be made fun of lmaoooo. A couple years ago, I was listening to music as I was comuting to my corporate job and as I was sitting in traffic, I was listening to Fat Lip by Sum 41 and I got to the part that was like "I don't want to waste my time, become another casualty of society. I'll never fall in line, become another victim of conformity," I remember blasting this music when I was 14 years old after a day at the mall coming back from Hot Topic thinking it was based and let's just say, it hit different at 24 when dressed in business casual. Then, once I got to the office, I sat in my car for a solid 10 minutes thinking *damn.....did I become a casualty of society?* And I came to the conclusion that, no, I'm not a casualty of society. Rebellion just looks different when you're in your mid twenties compared to what it looked like when you were in your teens. Sure, 16 year old me might look at me and say *yes you did become a casualty of society because you're in a boring office job you don't like.* But 16 year old me also didn't know how taxes worked and didn't live through a global pandemic so I'm not taking her opinion TOO seriously. Yes, I do have a boring office job that crushes my spirit. But, I also value work life balance and I'm not a hustle culture bro or a snitch at work. I'm not exactly conforming to upper management and I do try to stand up for myself and my coworkers in a way that makes sense and is helpful. Outside of work, I still have hobbies, still listen to a lot of the same music (though I have expanded), I still care about what's going on in the world, and I'm thinking critically about my life decisions instead of conforming for the sake of conforming OR rebelling just for the sake of rebelling. I also thought of this quote from Innuendo Studios in the video below: The video was talking about how Daria as a show and as the character was against the grain regarding the overall cultural zeitgeist of the 90s and how it doesn't land in the same way in the 2020s. And since punk is what's against the status quo, and since the status quo can change over time, what is punk can change over time based on context. That context can be historical like comparing the 90s vs the 20s or it can be regarding your stage of life like in my situation with comparing my teens to my mid 20s. But more on the cultural note, the reason why I thought of this again and why I wanted to write this post is because this video came up on my Youtube feed: I feel like this is the epitome of what is considered punk in 2026. I also liked the comments under this video: Lyrics: See me driving down the street I'm bored with looking good I got both hands off the wheel The cops are coming I listen to the music with no fear You can hear it too if you're sincere 'Cause I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am Well, I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am 'Cause I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am Well, I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am I see you stagger in the street And you can't stay on your feet And you're faking in your sleep You wish that you were deep But you can't hear me laughing to myself If you could, you would be someone else 'Cause I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am Well, I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am 'Cause I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am Well, I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am See me die on Bleecker Street I'm bored with being god See me sneering in my car I'm driving to my star I'm listening to the music with no fear You can hear it too if you're sincere 'Cause I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am Well, I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am 'Cause I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am Well, I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am 'Cause I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am Well, I'm a punk rocker, yes, I am

The Parents Who Did Genuinely Think This Through I know in my previous post I was dragging some pro-birth people and that I have in previous posts have criticized on how a lot of people have kids waaay too casually for my liking. But among the large segment of the population who decided to be a parent, there is at least a few people who did genuinely think this through. I can't say I know a lot of these people. I'm sure some of them live among me and I haven't had the chance to actually have that conversation with them. But I have encountered them online. I think the people who genuinely thought through their decision to be a parent aren't pressuring other people to have kids. They know how much work it take to raise a human and as a result, they know that this life choice isn't for everyone. In the same way that not everyone is meant to be an lawyer, go through law school, work 60+ hours a week, and be this career oriented person, not everyone is meant to become a parent as it relates to their values and their desired way of living life. Parenthood rearranges you physically, mentally, emotionally, and the overall structure of your entire life and how you can make decisions. And unless this is really a path you want for yourself that you have carefully considered, it's best to not go on this path. And the people who genuinely wanted to have kids and thought through it aren't going shame you for being child free either because they see that life has many ways to be fulfilling, that you can have many forms of long term human connection, that in the same way they are living according to their values, you're living according to your own. They aren't going to be resentful of you being able to sleep calmly on a flight while they are dealing with their baby crying. Sure, they are going to be tired and wish they got more rest. That's natural. Wanting parenthood doesn't mean that you think it's going to be easy and it doesn't mean that you're going to absolutely love it 100% of the time. But if you genuinely thought through the consequences of being a parent and chose it anyway, you'renot going to side eye people and give them weird hateful energy for having a more chill existance. People who genuinely thought about and decided to be parents are also not going to try to rub things in child free people's faces about how much more fulfilling parenthood is. Like seriously, some parents sound like Cassie from Euphoria when they talk about being happy and fulfilled in parenthood while dealing with their feral kids as they are trying to get child free people to have kids too. Like there is an element of misery likes company and there is an element of people trying to justify their own decisions because they didn't think things through thoroughly before hand to some people who get defensive about the choice to be childfree. If you were genuinely happy with your choice AND you have thought about other avenues, you're not going to miserable about other people choosing differently than you or having a choice at all in this matter. I stress the "and" because I also think that there is a segment of the population that did end up being happy about their choice to be a parent but it isn't because they thought through their decision to be a parent and arrived at the conclusion that this is the right choice for them. It's because they made a choice and they lucked out in terms of liking parenthood and being able to create positive meaning out of it. And I think my dad falls into this category. He did the work to be a parent and I think he genuinely found fulfillment in it. So it's not like he enjoyed parenthood because he barely did any of the work. He lucked out in the fulfillment aspect of it and due to a survivorship bias, he thinks that most parents probably feel the same way. As a result, it doesn't compute in his head why I'm carefully thinking about this as I am. He didn't think, and it worked out. Therefore, I must be overthinking. I also think he has limitations in his imagination regarding other avenues of fufillment because of the time he was born and the lack of healthy, childfree people in his life. The only childfree person he know is his brother who decided to be childfree out of spite and resentment for his dad (my grandfather) and essentially wanted to end my grandpa's bloodline. TLDR: I think parents who thought things through and still decided to be parents aren't going to be weird towards childfree people in the same way that people in happy, healthy relationships won't tell you to lower your standards for the sake of getting into a relationship.

Maybe there is some selection bias on my end but this is what I mean by the child free by choice people are at least asking the right questions while a lot of these people who are pro-child birth have arguements that can easily be dismantled. Those arguments don't make sense if your goal is to be a parent, not simply give birth. My favorite part of the video was when the guy was talking about on how people in third world countries have like 8 kids and they still find ways to "make it work" and are happy and fulfilled. And then the creator clapped back and was like *this guy clearly has no clue what they are talking about and has never been to a third world country.* First of all, a lot of people don't make the conscious choice to have a kid due to things like education, a lack of options in their life, unavailability to contraception, religion etc. Secondly, tf you mean by make it work? If your definition of making it work is simply providing food, water, and shelter for another living being other than yourself, then you have a very limitted definition of what it means to make something work. You're dealing with a human being, not a pet. There are plenty of people who have a shit ton of kids and raise them in squalid, unsanitary conditions that are not fit to provide a person with a dignified life. Which again, tells me this guy has no clue what life in a third world country is actually like. And even if you do have a semi decent living conditions for said kids and everyone has baseline survival, your definition of making it work is still so limited. Like is having a traumatizing childhood exemplary of something that "worked?" Is having a kid who grows up to be a menace in society because you didn't parent them property an example of something that "worked?" I could go on but my thing is let's not romanticize the past or romanticize the way things are being done in developing countries and actually hold ourselves to a higher standard of thought, ethics, consideration, and self exploration and maybe a higher standard of what is considered "making it work" if you do decide to go down the route of parenthood. I'm not saying that if you are born into a underveloped or developing country that your life is not worth living or that it's impossible to be a parent in those circumstances. I'm not an anti-natalist and I don't think that we should forcibly sterilize people, literally or emotionally. But what I am saying is that we need to expand our standards of what is considered good parenting and expand the quality of life of people as a whole and carefully take into consideration our reproductive choices under that context.

I feel like this video also coincides with the post I made about commodifying human connection. It mainly talks about how third spaces have become a buzz word of sorts.

It Be The Damn Phones I don't agree or disagree with Vaush's points here on how technology, particularly smartphones, is what is causing a global decline in birth rates. I don't agree in the sense that it's difficult to narrow down one factor that is affecting everyone. A lot of people cite the cost of living and climate change as reasons why they aren't having kids in developed countries but in the past, the cost of living was worse but people still had kids. I would argue that the reasons why people are not having kids varies. In developed countries, it's the cost of living, unstable working conditions, climate change, political instability. In developing and under developed countries, it's an increase of education, greater degree of womens rights, and industrialization because you don't need 8 kids if you no longer work at a farm. People are having more education in terms of contraception and people have more opportunities as a result of said education to do things with their lives apart from just popping out kids. Also, women have more agency now to not have a shit ton of kids. I think the vast majority of women do want to have kids, but probably not like 7 ya know. Plus, the drop in birth rates in the U.S. is because teen preganancy isn't happening nearly as often anymore. The birth rates for women in their 20s and 30s has been stable. At the same time, part of me agrees that it's the damn phones. I remember my dad telling me a story of how when he was little, he asked is grandparents why they had so many kids (both of his parents had 8 siblings each), and they responded with "well, back in our day, we didn't have radio and TV so we had nothing better to do." And I think the doom scrolling and being glued into social media is an extention of the same phenomenon. But the part that sucks more about the phones is the way that people aren't socializing IRL as often and it's a bigger time sink. That said, I do think that other factors exasserbate this because if you are being overworked, even if you didn't have a phone, you probably wouldn't have the same time and energy to be socializing. But now, the phones are multiplying this affect because it's a very easy coping mechanism to use when dealing with the increase stress of daily life. But then, I look at my own reasons why I am hesitant to have a kid, and it does root back to the phones. For example, while I'm confident in my ability to be a good parent, I'm worried about the broader society that I'm bringing the kid into and the kids that aren't the best influence. And which kids am I referring to? I'm referring to the army of ipad babies and their ipad parents. Again, it's the damn phones. I'm also nervous about the state of the education system and pushing back against that to ensure that my kid is being educated properly. And what's wrong with the education system? It's the tech dependence, the underfunding of public school system, AI being shoved down people's throats etc. Again, the damn phones.

Fifa World Cup 2026 Like any typical American, I don't particularly care about soccer. But, I will say, the World Cup being hosted by the U.S., Canada, and Mexico has been quite nice in terms of uplifting my spirits. I feel like I'm getting a break from all the chaos that's happening in the U.S. (among other existential crisis tha I have been having lol) and that I'm able to appreciate my country from a fresher set of eyes from all the people coming in from all over. Here are some moments that made me smile: The people from Kansas being Algeria's fans after Algeria decided to set up their base camp in Lawence Kansas Seeing how excited and hyped Japan is and how they also clean up after themselves. It's just wholesome. People reacting to Texas BBQ People going to Buc-ee's for the first time People celebrating and pulling up in general: People reacting various culture shocks (like A/C, Walmart, Costco. and free refills to start) and them reacting to our radioactive food It still kills me that they're freaking out over mid food like Chick-fil-a and Chilli's and they are discovering ranch sauce. It's to the point where TSA had to give a warning saying that the ranch dressing has to be in the checked baggage since it's a liquid lol. I remember seeing a comment that said something along the lines of how the foreigners trying our food is like them getting their first hit of drugs while we're all used to it because we're just cracked out. Then, there is the beer shortage in Boston after the Scottish fans came in: I cannot find this on Youtube but I turned on the local news on TV the other day and they were talking about how the World Cup is temporarily boosting mental health in the U.S. because of the festivities and all the communal events. There was a watch party along with food trucks that was set up in a park that I live close to and there was a pretty good turn out.

My Character Build and Stats I found the video above to be quite fun and I wanted to use this as a reflection tool. Health: 65 I’m athletic / have good habits but I also have PCOS. I have good mental health but I can also be prone to burnout in high pressure environments. During this leave, I would say that I'm at an 80. I am pretty energetic and I have plenty of time to take care of myself. But I'm taking off points because of the PCOS and because I feel like I'm not getting enough socialization which is impacting my mental health. Intelligence: 80 I’m pretty smart but I have a few subjects I’m not great at. In school, I was good at math, anything in the social sciences (history, political science, sociology, psychology anthropology), and art. I cannot science to save my life (think your typical biology, chemistry, physics) and subjects that are super tedious (like law or some forms of literature like idk, Russian literature from the 1820s) fly over my head even if I do take a disciplined approach to things. Also, I think the other thing is that I retained a lot of information I learned throughout school and college and I think that gives me a leg up compared to a lot of my peers now that I'm a few years out even though I didn't shine in school itself. Charisma: 65 I’m generally likable and can get along with most people but I’m not a leader nor am I rizzing people up left and right. As a result, I think I'm a bit above average in that regard. I also think that my intelligence stat and wisdom stat contributes to how hight this is. I think there are ways to increase this stat which I have reflected on more in detail in the post below: I think if I really work at this, I can be at a 75/80. I don't see the point in going above that unless I have different goals in life that would make me want to increase this stat. Discipline 75: I stand on business but I’m also sustainable about it. However, I can be prone to burnout if standards are crazy. Also, my attention span can use some help. I feel like if I healed my attention span, this stat could be an 80 tops. I think my discipline stat is capped due to my moderate health and high wisdom stats. The only way I can get my discipline stat above 80 is if I stop listening to my body and do unsustainable things or I somehow turn off my wisdom that would tell my unsustainable paths are a good way to go. I think this is one of my most interesting stats. I would say throughout high school and early college my discipline stat was at a 45. It wasn't piss poor to where I was one of those students where I was smart but didn't put in effort so my grades were tanking. But I was one of those students that kind of coasted due to my intelligence stat being high and because my health stat was low (I'm talking mental health). I would say that I was able to raise this to a 60 in my later college years after addressing some mental health stuff and then I think I had another bump to my discipline as I took on my corporate job which raised it to 75 now. I would say that throughout high school and college I was a low A, high B student. My grades would typically range from an 88 to a 94. I think the reason it was never higher than that is because of low health and because of high wisdom. While I did see the importance of an education and doing well in school for my future, I didn't see the point of simping for the top 10 colleges in the U.S. and sacrificing literally everything else in my life to get high scores or to out compete people. Like I wasn't going to stress myself out over a 94 vs a 100. I also like the point in the video on how a lot of high achievers or the type of person who works 80 hours at an investment bank might have above average intelligence and a 99 in discipline but their wisdom is like at a 5. Wisdom 85 or 95: I make good decisions and I have a good head on my shoulders. I meditate a lot and have worked on myself a lot in and out of therapy and self improvement. I feel like I'm tooting my own horn and that I'm being a bit cocky and narcissistic (after all, I don't want to think I'm so wise that I cannot be prone to things like self deception). But I do think that I've had a pretty high stat my whole life given how introspective I am and how my peers perceived me. I think even as young as 13, I would say something, and my peers would think I'm being deep when I just thought I was being normal. I think this does subtract like 5 points from my charisma stat because I can be a bit intense without meaning to. Even now, I'm pretty good at helping my friends through difficult life situations and ensuring they don't fall down weird pipelines. The reason why I have two numbers is because I think if you compare me to my peers, I'm at a 95, but if you compare me in general, I'm at a 85. I think I'm more wise than the average 26 year old. I mean, I don't think many people are in their mid 20s solidly in stage green/ yellow and have integrated the previous stages in a healthy way. But also, I think I have room for wisdom to grow since some wisdom can only be acquired through time and additional life experience. Appearance: 55 I’m not ugly but I am kind of mid. I don’t get mistreated for my looks but I’m also not getting any perks. I don’t have pretty privilege but thankfully, I don’t have pretty problems either. Some people have told me I have a really nice body even before surgery (I'm talking about from men and women in a non-flirtatious / non-creepy contexts). I think if I really tried, I could be at 85. But that would mean losing a significant amount of weight (which can be a huge hit to my mental and physcial health), having to invest in a new wardrobe since I'm in Adam Sandler mode right now, getting my hair done regularly, getting various beauty treatments like facials, botox as I age, laser hair removal etc., and I put in a lot of time in daily beauty habits. Out of all of those, I would say only the new wardrobe seems worth it because that also boost the creativity stat and the (mental) health stat by a couple points. I guess I can lose a little weight without it being detrimental to my health but I would say that's more of a by product of my other fitness goals but not the main focus. I think at most, I'm content at being at a 65/70. Courage: 30 I can be in my head a lot. I do feel like I have agency and capability to be resilient if it came down to it but I tend to be risk adverse in matters I do have a choice in. I’m not particularly impulsive. I am also anxious, not in a mental health disorder way, but kind of in a personality type way where I like to plan things, get to places early, and, again, be really in my head. Since this is a relatively low stat, I think I would benefit from increasing this the most. Creativity: 65 I have had multiple creative outlets in childhood and adulthood. I can be quite skilled in artistic matters. I can paint, sketch, make little models of things, change up food recepies to make them taste better, have a decent eye for interior design etc. Let's just say because of this, a lot of people wanted me to be a part of their group projects growing up lol. However, I’m not particularly innovative even though I am skilled. I can sketch out a really realistic portrait of someone from a photograph. But I cannot reproduce that on my own and I definitely cannot do something unique or novel to it that would make you think of the artistic qualities of said work. I'm also not particularly innovative the entrepreneurial sense or in terms of my day to day work either. So that's why while I would put myself above average, I wouldn't put myself significantly above average. Goals going forward related to my stats: Maintain my high health stat Increase my charisma stat by increasing my social skills as described in the linked post Increase my discipline stat by fixing my attention span Increase appearance stat by getting my clothes in order and losing a little bit of weight Increase my courage stat (idk how yet but I will lol)

Commodifying Human Connection I watched a video the other day and I think it really summarized something I have been feeling for a while: For the longest time, I wondered why activities like paint and sip classes, axe throwing, run clubs, pickleball, and the such felt *off* and weirdly hipster/ gentrified to me. I never judged people who partake in these activities nor do I judge the organizers. If anything, I have this degree of respect for them because they are atleast TRYING to do something in this world that is seeming becoming more disconnected and hyperindividualistic (while I'm just currently sitting on my ass writing about this). This video goes into that more in depth but basically, traditional forms of community are crumbling and in its place is coming this commodified version of community. And I think a lot of this commodification is happening because people are trying to implement individualistic solutions for systemic issues. Modern adult life is fragmented and lonely, so activities become packaged substitutes for older forms of community. Instead of things like: neighborhood culture, extended family, religious/community institutions, intergenerational gathering, and stable local friendships, you get ticketed recreational micro-events designed to produce connection quickly and efficiently. There is also an element of hyper optimization that's there where instead of building a sense of familiarity over a course of time with your neighbors by being present in your surroundings and free time, you opt for these quick fixes that you can easily schedule into your Google calendar. There’s also a certain millennial/gen-z urban-professional aesthetic attached to many of these. Like pickleball as approachable athleticism, run clubs as a proxy for wellness + networking + dating, paint-and-sips as curated creativity, and axe throwing as sanitized rebellion. Sometimes what’s irritating is not the activity, but the sense that identity itself is becoming commodified into consumable hobbies. It all feels corporate in a weird way. However, I don't think these forms of community is bad thing because all forms of community have a degree of dysfunction that can be present. Traditional sources of community like churches, neighborhoods, extended family, etc can be subjected to things like toxic conformity, gossip, racism, sexism, homophobia, a sense of obligation without compatibility, and caring too much about what other people think. I'm South Asian and I feel like I have a good sense of how community can look like outside of the hyper individualism of the U.S. and outside of the commodified versions of community. I think that's why I don't romanticize community in the same way as a lot of leftists do in western countries, yet at the same time, I do still see the calls to community as a valid critique to the hyper individualism that comes from late stage capitalism. Like I think what a lot of young lefists and liberals describe as "building community" in the west is really just them trying to build a friend group in adulthood now that they are no longer in a school or college environment. And I think this lack of understanding of what community actually is leads to the over curation of it all, even outside of a commodified setting. Like no, community isn't a group of local leftists in the communist bookstore with baby bangs. That's just your social circle. Community includes your neighbor in his 70s that might have questionable political views but is generally a good person. It includes the mom with 3 kids under 10 who lives above your apartment that is making a lot of noise. It includes the annoying neighborhood watch groups. It includes your coworkers you might not necessarily instantly click with. It includes parents that you don't like but your kid and their kid are still some how friends. It's not just people who are in the same stage of life as you and who share the same opinions/ values with you. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you should allow EVERYONE into your community (i.e. sexual predators, raging neo nazis, or people who would be genuinely harmful to everyone else involved), but it does need to be more expansive than the people who are willing to pay their dues for a run club. I think there is grief I'm experiencing regarding a pre-pandemic world. I don't know what adulthood looked like pre-pandemic but I have a few people a bit older than me who have a recollection of what life after college was like. It just felt like people were outside and social more, like they had a different outlook on what it meant to be a normal person. I remember seeing a post a few months ago on how we see a favor like driving someone to the airport as a *community building thing* now but even 15 years ago, that was just a thing you just did as a part of the norm. And I feel like this pattern of how we inflate the value of pro-social tasks today that we used to see as normal not long ago has exasserbated post pandemic. I remember telling a story about how I showed up to a friend's house extra early for a party to help her set up and calm some nerves. The person who I was sharing this to was telling me how I'm *such* a good friend and that my friend who I had helped won't ever forget what I did to help. But to me, this kind of felt like it was the baseline. Like I helped my friend clean up a little around her apartment, I didn't drive her to the hospital after she got an allergic reaction lol. I think the way that tasks that consisted of you being a normal person a few years ago is being inflated into these community building gestures has to do with how scarce and how much more inconvenient they seem post-pandemic. I know the video above is talking about how community feels monetarily expensive. And I don't think there is something inherently wrong with spending SOME money to go out and live your life. I'm not saying you should beat yourself up regarding the finances of you buying lunch as you're hanging out with a friend. I think of the following quote from Karl Marx: “The less you eat, drink and read books; the less you go to the theatre, the dance hall, the public house; the less you think, love, theorize, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you save-the greater becomes your treasure which neither moths nor dust will devour-your capital. The less you are, the more you have; the less you express your own life, the greater is your alienated life-the greater is the store of your estranged being.” At the same time, I don't think money should be a barrier to entry for socializing. I've had friends over the years who lost their jobs or experienced time without income and I loved having the opportunity to find cheap or low cost things for us to do. I also love having people over and just yapping more than meeting up at restaurants these days. I think part of it is that I want to same money and another part of it is how enshitification is coming for us all. A lot of restaurants are over priced AND mid lol. And I think there is an added layer of intimacy of people coming over to my apartment as opposed to us meeting in public. There is an element of other people becoming more intertwined with my day to day activities as opposed to us having to curate and schedule things out in advance by 6 weeks. And I think the setting also feels much more low stakes and casual. Speaking of casual low stakes interactions, Bengali people have a specific word that refers to such things called "adda." When I think of "adda" I think of your friends randomly coming over to your place, you making them a cup of tea and some snacks and yall just chilling for a couple hours / an unspecified, unstructured amount of time. I also think of these specific chairs that are all over the developing and underdeveloped world: https://20toestravel.wordpress.com/2017/05/21/the-plastic-chair-praise-of-the-underappreciated/ (I ran out of space for attachments so I'm just going to include this link) I think of the evenings in India where a bunch of kids go down to play and you have just some random neighborhood aunties sitting on these plastic chairs and talking shit about people while loosely watching the kids (and reporting them to their parents who live else where in the apartment complex if they are misbehaving). Like you don't need money to socialize. All you need is a plastic chair and a random snack you're willing to share. You don't need to go to a scheduled event. You don't need to deep clean your place and go all Martha Stewart in there. You don't need to spend $25 on a mediocre salad. And you definitely don't need to go into a network event that is just the personified version of Linked In. And I think this degree of curation and commodification becomes an obstacle in the very degree of intimacy that a lot of us crave. The video above goes into this point more regarding the app Partiful for example which started out as an easy way to invite your friends to events but then devolved into annoying, impersonal push notifications that you get from people you barely know. I think of this in the relm of hosting where some people making hosting into this elaborate event with themed decor, a fancy menu etc. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. For some people, that's just their hobby and tbh, I enjoy doing the same thing during the holidays. But I think there is a certain kind of intimacy where rather than going all out, that your friend is allowed to see the dishes piled up in your sink or the pile of laundry in the corner that you have yet to fold and put away. I'm not saying bring your friends into unsanitary conditions, but I am saying that your place doesn't have to look like it's out of Better Homes and Gardens. And I think that's why a lot of new parents have trouble making/ keeping friends. Because rather than just having people over in their chaotic environment as is and allowing them to help with the baby and be incorporated to their day to day life, they feel this pressure to host people, clean up, come up with a menu etc. Or they feel the pressure to scramble for a baby sitter so that they can go out with their friends at a club or expensive restaurant when that isn't really their life style or stage of life anymore. Again, nothing wrong with getting a baby sitter so you can get out of the house and not be attached to the kid, but it's more about the expectation of being hyper scheduled and having to treat socializing as project management. I don’t resent people for creating structured ways to meet in an isolating world. I respect the impulse. But I grieve that so much adult sociality now has to be branded, scheduled, paid for, and curated. I want more room for the ordinary, imperfect, low-stakes forms of togetherness where friendship is not an event we produce, but something that can coexist with daily life.

I'm so tired of 75 Hard I feel physically exhausted from doing the 2 workouts a day even though one of the workouts is usually a walk. I'm waking up sore everyday. I'm sleeping like 9 to 10 hours a day. And this overall doesn't feel sustainable. Working out and moving no longer feels like something that feels fun and fulfilling and more like a chore. And I think the exhaustion is also trickling into me fulfilling other responsibilities that I want to accomplish during this leave.

Brittany Simon I have been watching her content on and off for the last year or so and I want to unpack my takeaways. Brittany Simon does philosophy through pop culture through a leftist lens. I do enjoy her videos and the way that it makes me think and challenge my own views and sense of progressivism. I like the way that she has forced me to stop, think and deconstruct various things, especially when it comes to ableism. I'll be honest, while I'm good on deconstructing things related to patriarchy, racism, capitalism, clasism etc. (I always have room for improvement, don't get me wrong) I'm not the best at recognizing my ableism which can sometimes bleed into the capitalism bit, but also it can show up with the way that I view mental health and neurodivergence. And I think Brittany can be really good at pointing out my own blindspots in the creators I enjoy watching even if I think she can be a bit nitpicky about things. I watched a lot of Chelsea's content and I watched Chelsea's video before watching Brittany's. I didn't initially think there was anything wrong with Chelsea's video but I'm glad that after watching Brittany, I was more aware on how unconscious biases around ableism for mental health can come up. While I don't agree with everything Brittany has to say, I do appreciate her perspective and the perspective of her comment section. I think it's very constructive and on some ways, I feel like I intellectually met my match through her content. My take is the following: I think there is a difference between policing people’s bodies and saying “hey, something is off.” You can talk about people’s bodies but it has to do with what you’re saying and why. I agree, calling Ariana scary or gross looking is not okay. But saying that this degree of thinness is indicative of something like an eating disorder especially with how the beauty standard is coming back around to be thinner than before (thin isn’t back in, it always was, we just went from bbl skinny in the 2010s back to heroine chic skinny in 2020s). I also agree that the internet is probably not the best place to do this and that it’s up to people who are closer to the individual who is suffering to address this rather than randos making think pieces. At the same time, I think weaponizing the progressive language of “don’t talk about women’s (or anyone’s) bodies” is a problem. It’s like, are you saying that to shut down constructive commentary and enabling the person or are you actually doing this out of care for the other person. There is a difference between saying “hey I’m observing a trend in the wicked cast members, what’s up with that?” and shutting that down with “don’t talk about women’s bodies. Versus being on the Marvel movie press tours where men often have to do very extreme diets and workout routines and asking about the workout regimen of the actors not in a concerned way but in a way to glorify unsustainable and potentially unhealthy practices. I think in that situation saying “don’t talk about bodies” is constructive. Finally, I think it’s a good point to bring up that people who are suffering shouldn’t be isolated, don’t deserve lose their jobs etc. At the same time, I think being in the public eye as a public figure as opposed to a private citizen is a different ball game. I do think if you are so in the depths of your eating disorder to where you are incredibly skinny that you need to take some time out of the public eye. I don’t think that applies the same way if you’re incredibly overweight and are struggling with your health because thinness is glorified and promoted. Brittany was mainly talking about how Chelsea's video was riddled with weird language such as describing Ariana as scary and gross, and likening going to Ariana's concerts as going to a human zoo because of her current state. She also stressed on how we shouldn't talk about people's bodies at all under any circumstance and that those conversations are only for Ariana and those who are close to her. Finally, she made a point to emphasize on how people with mental health issues are often isolated due to stigma and that no one deserves to lose their job due to such things or that they still deserve to be in the public eye. Again, I appreciate a lot of Brittany's views and I think it supplements my own view on the ethics of talking about such things and how to approach these topics. But I do have things that I disagree with her in the details. And yes, the video above did initially feel a bit nitpicky and annoying in the leftist purity testing way. But I do think that the nitpickiness does have a place in the broader information ecosystem in that it forces us to not skip over the details and refine our view of progressivism. It's about having higher standards for ourselves and the people around us. This is another video that I watched today. I think the basis of this video makes sense. I agree that fashion is political and we should be mindful of what kind of statements that we make and what kinds of identities we are signalling towards because of the way that can impact the people around us. I agree that wearing suits and just in general, what is considered professional attire is intertwined with things like racism, facism, and white supremacy. I agree that with Hasan specifically that the suits are more of a costume rather than something that he is putting on authentically and I like the way that Brittany opens up conversation and critique around this. I like the way that she talks about respectability politics and what the suit actually conveys. What I disagree with is saying that wearing a suit is fascism. I think that's too broad and bold of a statement to make. I also think that in politics, there is an element of having to choose your own battles and frame your stances in a way that gets most people on board. As far as choosing your own battles, I think you need to choose whether you want to appeal to conservatives and have them also be receptive to your message and build a broader coalition or if you want to embrace being your authentic self and push against conservative norms around professionalism. And personally, I think the former is a bigger fish to fry in 2026. If Hasan wearing a suit can make a conservative grandma see the importance of universal healthcare and cause her to not vote for Trump, that's more important and more urgent than dying your hair unnatural colors to push against the white supremacy of professional dress codes. I think we can fight the "what is considered professional" and unravel that from white supremacy another day but nevertheless, I do appreciate the conversation that was had. When it comes to the framing, I can see why this would be considered coddling the conservative grandmas and playing into the respectability politics instead of calling out said grandmas and demanding that they don't judge people who dress unconventionally. I also agree that changing your look isn't always going to gurantee acceptance in certain circles (Megan Markle for example) and that some people are still going to judge your harshly and not take you seriously. At the same time, I think that in order to get things done and get the ball rolling to change minds, you do need to meet people where they're at and sometimes, framing things in a way that is more favorable to them can change some minds even if all minds aren't going to be changed. Another thing that I like about Brittany's content is the way that she emphasizes the need to be adult in the room and to take yourself seriously (I don't have specific videos to point to but this is something that is emphasized in a lot of her work). I think this message on one hand really resonates with me but on the other hand challenges me. The part that resonates is the notion that as you get older, you need to increase your maturity and increase the accruacy of your world view so that you can adequately guide future generations and be a safe, reliable person people can go to. I think this also challenges me because I've never been good at taking myself seriously. I have journaled about this in the past and I have written the way this shows up for me in some specific instances as well as why this is a problem: I do think another aspect of Brittany's content I don't resonate with is how autistic she is. I don't mean this in a bad way, nothing wrong with the tism. I mean this in a way to address my own biases and ways that I might misinterpret Brittany, not agree with the way that she approaches some topics or situations, or find her delivery a bit annoying (even if it's correct). I think I am picking up on the black and white thinking, the intense orientation towards justice, mixed with some remenants in her religious Catholic upbringing when I catch myself thinking she's nitpicking too much or that she is getting caught up in leftist purity politics. At the same time, I try to push past this initial annoyance to try to understand where she's coming from and if I find myself feeling like I disagree, I try to articulate it to myself and see if that is coherent or if there are things that she's picking up on that I'm just not. For example, with the first video that I linked above with the Ariana Grande issue, I did find myself feeling a little annoyed. I will admit that part of it was her disagreeing with a content creator I like and that it was poking at my own blindspots. I did again, find it was nitpicky. But in defense of the nitpickiness, we need to have higher standards for ourselves and the people around us. And yes, I did disgree with her on some aspects, but I made sure that the disagreements were coming from a more constructive place as opposed to me just being a hater and not looking at my own issues.

Supernanny My boyfriend and I have been watching episodes of Supernanny after one of the crazy episodes ended up on his YouTube recommended lists. We found these episodes to be very entertaining and it would usually take us twice as long to finish an episode because we would keep pausing the show every 5 minutes or so to comment on what's going on, laugh at these situations, and speculate on what the parents are probably dealing with off screen. I feel like we have had a lot of good conversations from this show and that we have like a few inside jokes between us from some of the feral kids. Ngl, I do feel like watching these episodes feel like emotional birth control to me. Honestly, I think the kids are funny since they aren't my own lol. I remember watching this show in the early 2000s as a child and I remember watching these other feral kids and laughing at them for their behaviors. And I think my parents would occasionally tune in thinking *thank god that isn't our family.* Now that I'm an adult, I think I'm engaging with the contents of the show and the dynamics with the familes much more. I'm also noticing on how so many of these episodes the dads are often not present in the kids lives as a proper parent and the mom is doing most of the work. I also noticed how there are no familes in this show that consist of an only child and two parents. Which did feel like a boost to my ego because growing up, I was always made to feel weird about being an only child and I have heard that if you only have one kid, that is a sign for dysfunction. Welp... let's just say that none of the only child familes were so out of control to where they ended up on a reality TV show. I noticed that most of the episodes had 3-5 kids, if not more, and the parents are often really young (like they are in their early 30s and started popping out kids in their early 20s). In my opinion, 3 kids is the most you can have without neglecting your kids and each kid you add, it doesn't multiply the chaos rather it exponentially increase it. Like 1 kid is hard, but 2 kids is like 4x as hard and 3 kids is like 12x as hard. It gets "easier" after kid 4 from the parents perspective and I put "easier" in quotes because usually after kid 4, there is neglect and parentification happening to the older kids who then have to step in and be an additional set of parents to their younger siblings. Like if I ever have a kid, I'm going to be one and done. I don't want to deal with siblings fighting and feeding off of each other. I definitely don't want to neglect or parentify anyone. And I would much rather give my one kid a good parent than be a mediocre or shitty parent just so that they can have the sibling experience. I think a lot of the episodes have 3 or more kids because that adds to the chaos factor in the show which means more content tbh. There is only so much mayhem one kid can cause lol. I have noticed the ages of the parents where the young parents are typically more chaotic. I don't blame them. It's really difficult to know proper parenting at that age when you're still figuring out your life, how to navigate the adult world, and where you belong within it. I feel like I notice that more now that I'm in my 20s and it feels crazy sometimes on how some of the parents that have 4 kids are like 2-3 years older than me (or like in the video above, the parents are younger than me). Also, regardless of the parents ages, I like on how in all of the episodes, Jo, the nanny, calls out the parents and their dysfunctional parenting and relationships instead of blaming the kids. That confrontation is always satisfying. Finally, I like how the show displays healthy parenting and the process of teaching healthy parenting. I know Supernanny US ran from 2005 to 2011 and according to various reddit posts, while some of the techniques are helpful, they also either need to be supplemented with additional strategies or be updated to more current parenting knowledge. That said, it's helpful to see these things in practice with kids that aren't super well behaved. And I think, given the timing of the show, it's an important stepping stone to get away from the commonly held belief at the time where the only way to incorporate discipline is to yell or spank your kid. Even if I decide not to be a parent, I still think that some of this stuff is important to know about because I'm going to have people in my life who do have kids and I think after a certain age, part of being an adult is being a reliable figure that people, especially kids, can go to. I do think it's interesting that Jo Frost doesn't have any kids of her own and only has a step-grandson even though she filmed multiple Supernanny shows. I watched the podcast below of her talking about her experience with the show as well as the critiques she has gotten over the years. One of my favorite parts is when she gets the question along the lines of "what do you have to say for people who critque you giving parenting advice when you don't have kids of your own?" and her answer was "do you need to have cancer to be a doctor?" I think people are quick to critique childfree people on their takes on how kids are treated because they assume that they don't understand what the parents are going through. And don't get me wrong, I can understand the defensiveness that can come from the frustration and the stresses of parenthood and how it can be such an intense experience to where people stress relatability as a barometer of empathy. At the same time, I think child free people can take a step back and assess the situation more accurately because they aren't as caught up in the chaos. Plus, childfree people were all children once as well and they can still drawn on various life experiences when dealing with kids. I like how Jo emphasized that you don't need your own biological children to care about the well being of other kids and be a stable and active figure in a kids life. Overall, I do genuinely think that she cares about the kids that she works with and that she did approach this show ethically which I respect immensely especially given the general trends in the reality TV sphere. I also watched another episode of Supernanny recently and then when I scrolled down on the comments, I found out that the eldest daughter in the show has her own social media and spoke about her experience filming the episode as well as how it impacted their family about 10 years later. It sounds like it was a really positive experience and that the production was genuinely trying to help. It was interesting to get additional context and the additional experiences they had with Jo when it came to working out the family issues. I think some things got left out because of the air time in this particular instance but I also noticed in other episodes things being left out or vaguely alluded to for the sake of privacy for the families. But I think it's good that the familes still got help off camera and it was even more in depth than what you see on the episodes.

An Increase in Empathy I think as I have been thinking more about whether or not I should become a parent that I have gotten a deeper sense of empathy towards the people around me. Don't get me wrong, I've always had a sense of empathy for most people but I think now, I'm thinking from the lens of *what would it be like to be the parent of this person?* or *what would it be like to parent under these circumstances?* For example, a few weeks ago there was a shooting near me and a few people were shot. Of course there is the layer of empathy around how messed up this was, what was this like for the individuals that were harmed, how this is impacting the community and the people around me. But then, I caught myself thinking things along the lines of "imagine being a parent and then decades later, your kid gets shot" , "what are the possible parental and community level enabling that caused the shooter to do what he did since his actions don't exist in a vacuum," "imagine getting shot and then you have to recover and still parent your kids. Also, imagine what it's like for the kids to witness this." I also think over the years I have found myself looking at my elementary, middle, and high school years more fondly. Not in a romanticized "I wish I could go back" kind of way but in a "I might not have liked everyone from those years but now as an adult, I no longer harbor any ill feelings towards those kids and I genuinely wish them well." I find myself thinking about random people and thinking about what was going on at home in addition to school that was contributing to them acting the way they are or what it must have been like being their parents. I feel like I especially think of this when I think of my friends who had young parents (I'm talking their parents had them when they were in their teens or late 20s) and how that impacted my friends growing up and into adulthood. Like "what was it like having to have a kid at 18 and then having to go to college plus figure out your adult life while having to raise a kid?" or "what was it like for the grandparents involved having to look after the grandkids after dealing with their child's teen pregnancy?" Or when something awful happens to either the parent or the child, I'm like "damn, and you still gotta go home and raise those damn kids. What do you have to do in order for your parenting to accommodate this so that this event doesn't taint the way you're raising them." Then I think of the kids that I didn't really get along with when I was a kid. I mainly had trouble getting along with the "trouble makers" which ranged from kids who were doing drugs, not paying attention in school, the hot cheeto girls that would intimidate me, and the like. And I think about what I would have had to do from the parent's perspective to correct their behavior, to understand them, and encourage them in their interests. I really don't like how some adults would label some kids as good or bad, or how they would label some kids as the problem child, the smart one , the pretty one etc. because now that I'm an adult, I can see how that create a complex in the kid and how that can show up in a variety of ways well into adulthood. That's not to say that you can't compliment you kid on being smart or pretty or that you have to enable you kid by not calling out their bad behavior as bad but it is to say that writing them off or forming their identity around that is pretty fucked up. And I think as the kid who didn't know better, I also fell into the pattern that the adults around me were exhibiting on labeling some kids as the trouble makers, the dumb ones, the smart ones, the successful ones, the quiet good ones, etc. Now as an adult, I try not to do the same thing for other kids. For example, my boyfriend has a friend, who has another friend who has a kid. The kid is like 8 years old now and the mom had him when she was like 19. The kid is a little bit chaotic and rambunctious and I think my boyfriend and his friend has a knee jerk reaction to say that he is a bad kid. And on the surface, I can see how from the perspective of the parent he is not one of the easier kids to raise and how especially if you had to deal with the difficulties of parenthood from such a young age, that you probably aren't well equipped to handle such situations, which makes the kid and situation more frustrating. But at the same time, I don't think this kid is "bad." I think he is largely acting out because of the instability of the mom's life. This led led to the kid having incosistent attention from his dad (and eventually the dad abandoning him all together), constant moving, strange men coming in an out of the house, and a mom who is trying really hard to figure out her own shit to where he gets neglected or is causing the kid to be on the receiving end of less than ideal parenting. And I'm not looking down on the mom either. Don't get me wrong, I do disagree with her on a lot of things and I don't like the way she handles some situations, but I can have some empathy for her seeing that she really is doing her best (even if it's not great). As a woman, I can empathize with the pressures put on her, the bullshit she has had to go through, and how a life event like this has moved around her prospects in life and the extent to which she was able to grow and develop as a person. It's not to excuse the way she's raising her kid but it is to give additional context and understanding of the situation. Like I think a lot of kids who act up is a combination of their surroundings and life circumstances, the way they are being parented, age appropriate behaviors, and also the temperment. Out of the 4 factors, only one is personal and up to chance 100%. The surroundings/ life circumstances, and parenting skills can be controlled and prepared for to a certain extent. And the age appropriate behaviors is just markers of developmentally healthy tendencies that shouldn't be taken personally but should still be corrected and taken seriously. Like yes, it's normal for 4 year olds to be egocentric tantrum monsters. That doesn't mean you take their actions personally, see them as evil, or think you're a bad parent. But you still do need to discipline them so they know right from wrong and so they can continue developing in an age appropriate way. Speaking of age appropriate behaviors, I do think the whole "you're kid is so mature and calm for their age" isn't necessarily a good thing or a proxy for good parenting. Sure, on the surface it can look like it because it carries this notion that you must have done something right for them to behave. But, having a quiet kid can be the by product of a lot of things. Maybe that particular kid's way of dealing with instability is being quiet and standing in the corner because they're anxious, while another kid with a different temperment's way of dealing with the same situation is to act out. Maybe, the kid is more mature for their age because their parents are making them responsible for adult issues and they're forced to grow up faster. Maybe the kid is really anxious and terrified of the parents because the parents are abusive. Don't get me wrong, I do think in some situations, kids can be healthy, calm, and well regulated because the parents are doing something right like providing them a stable environment, modeling good habits, soothing the kid to where they learn to soothe themselves, etc. But as a parent, you can do all of those things and still have your kid act out in age appropriate ways and have that be healthy. If anything, if I encounter a pair of 3 year olds from different parents, and one of the kids is acting like a normal 3 year old/ having tantrums, while the other kid is too scared to do anything or show any emotions, even thought the second kid is seen as "easier to raise" I'm more worried about the second kid as opposed to the first kid. Sometimes, considering the parents having good parenting habits and are raising the kid in a good environment, the kid acting out is indicative that they are comfortable around the parents and are alright with sharing their emotions, which is a good thing. But yeah, it's not as simple as having a good quiet kid who always behaves well in public versus having a bad kid who is like the human equivalent of an agressive chihuahua.

Bruh... both of these kinds of parents creep me tf out. And even if you don't subscribe to this shit, the way that the rest of the community and society enables this type messaging for young kids is soooo gross

The Dream vs The Fantasy I think one of the difficult parts of me trying decipher if I want to be a parent is this notion of giving up my dreams to be with a man who is child free or doubting if this is my dream at all in the first place. And I think the word dream is an interesting word. It's not something tangible (yet) and it is something aspirational. Similarly, I think the situation I'm in is difficult because there is this notion that I'm giving up my very tangible relationship in the hopes of the potential of having a kid which is completely hypothetical at this time. There is also the aspirational element in regards to the work I will need to put in and what I will need to align to actualize my goal of becoming a good parent. I think there is also a nuance in this intangibility. I think the difference between a dream and a fantasy is that a dream is something that can be actualized while a fantasy tends to ignore reality or paint it with rose colored glasses. I don't think I'm buying into the fantasy of being a parent because of the ways that I'm factoring in the difficult aspects of parenthood and the way that I'm deconstructing my potential unhealthy/ selfish reasons for being a parent. In doing so, I'm grappling with the reality of parenthood and I'm trying to make a well informed decision regarding if this is good path for me. However, a lot of people decide to become a parent because of the fantasy they have of the kid. That can include but not be limitted to wanting a mini me, having a very specific idea of of what they want the kid to be like or look like, wanting parenthood to fulfill an unmet need etc. I have written in the past about the importance of analyzing fantasies that we might have: And while I do think analyzing my desires for parenthood falls more so in the dream category rather than the fantasy category, I think it can be helpful to analyze the fantasy aspect of this desire. I think my fantasy around being a parent has to do with my desire to have a sense of community and be an elder who guides a kid (or kids). In this fantasy, I have a kid who I'm guiding through various aspects of life. It might be my biological kid, it might not be. I have a good life that I have built for myself that I can share with another person. I'm sharing my stories and my experiences with them. And I get to see the world from a fresher set of eyes from them and their experiences. While I am a guide, I also get to learn along with them, not only because they teach me but because parenthood itself teaches me. A fantasy often collapses complexity and sees the ideal in question as an antidote (or the only antidote) to a problem. A dream tends to survive contact with reality because you still want something even after you understand the cost. I think the fantasy aspect of my desire comes from how I'm lacking a sense of community as of right now and that certain areas of my life feels a little stagnant. My fantasy revolves around building a good life for myself and nurturing various kinds of human connection. I don't think it's fundamentally coming from a sense of lack but it's coming from my life values as a whole. I think the dream aspect of my desire is still something I'm exploring in all the ways that my dream can still stand the test of various life obstacles. I can also see different ways that I can fufill my goals of having a sense of community, being a guide, having kids in my life apart from being a parent or adopting a parental role. I can volunteer. I can be a close friend. I can be more involved in my extended family. But I guess I still wonder what it is that still brings be back to seeing parenthood as the most viable path. Maybe it's because of societal conditioning on various levels? Maybe it could be an actual solid underlying desire or dream? I don't know, I'm still figuring that out.

Elements of Unconventional and Wacky Families After writing out the previous post, I wanted to reflect which factors are at play when I characterize a family as wacky. Unique backgrounds and unexpected cultural mixes Reasons why people might get divorced apart from common norms (i.e being gay and dealing with comhet issues) Differences in timing (having kids young, old, or around the same time as your peers) Blended families and having a sense of familial love regardless of biological relations Coparenting and not being romantically involved with your coparent (ie. due to you getting divorced from the kid's biological parent, having your kids be raised by a different family members apart from the biological parents, having your friend be a part of raising the kid, being adopted etc.) Cults and religious extremism I think overall, these factor contridict from heteronormativity and the nuclear family where a family is rigidly defined as 2 parents who had 2-3 kids in the 30s and that's it. I feel like listing this out as well as the previous post has helped me not have as rigid of an idea of what a family might look like for me in the future and what parenthood needs to look like. Don't get me wrong, I still have an ideal on the desired conditions I want to be a parent (i.e. I don't want to have a kid in my 20s and if I do have kids, I hope that my partner or I don't end up passing away while the kid is still a kid), but I think this has helped me create a more open mind as to different ways to go about parenthood as well as different factors that would have to be considered if I were to make a life decision like this.

Unconventional and Wacky Families Given how funny the thought of DILF hunting in my late 30s / early 40s was, my mind went to other places in regards to other interesting families I have met over the years. 1. My Indian History Professor: My Indian history professor in college was a white lady who grew up in a trailer park. She got into Indian history because it was like an escape and rebellion from her conservative redneck family. She met her husband in college and got pregnant while she was doing her PhD. Her husband is half Indian, half white and grew up in the Hare Krishna cult and his South Asian half is from Fiji. The guy also has an interesting look. Despite being half white, he just looks straight up South Asian. He has a beard and waist length curly hair which kind of makes him look like one of those meditation gurus you see on TV but then he's like dressed casually and has two tattoo sleaves. He's a middle school music teacher. Those two have a kid who despite being only one quarter South Asian still looks fully South Asian. The kid is also transgender and travels around during the summer with his mom and was in my study abroad group. The kid is pretty tall and pretty mature / calm and as a result blended in with the college students despite being like 13. Anyways, pretty much the whole family seems pretty chill and self aware. They all also regularly go to therapy which I think contributes to that. 2. My best friend from the 5th grade: I had a friend in the 4th grade who was a product of teen pregnancy. Her parents had her when they were like 16 and had her younger brother a few years later. The dad was still in their lives and they had a co-parenting situation going on. He was a paramedic. I don't remember what exactly the mom did but I did remember at one time she was working in a restaurant temporarily. We were all going to a private school by the way and my friend was very smart and kind of a book worm. What was interesting was my friend's living situation. Her mom (let's just call her Jennifer) had a friend who also had two kids when she was young. Jennifer for sure was straight and she tried dating other guys but after a while, she gave up and so did her friend. So as a result, Jennifer decided to move in with her friend and rent out a 4 bedroom house (this was the early 2000s and I am curious on how the finances worked in that household. The house hold consisted of Jennifer, her friend, and a total of 4 children. Jennifer had her own room. Her friend had her own room. My friend had her own room since she was the only girl and needed some privacy as she was going into her preteen years . And then the 3 little boys all shared a room. They were around 7-9 years old and were basically like the 3 stooges lol. Lowkey, moving in with a friend and coparenting with them to where both of your kids are kind of like siblings sounds like a vibe. I think Jennifer cooked with that one. The kids were also homeschooled after a while because the school district in our area was shit and I think after elementary school, they didn't have money for private school anymore. I also remember Jennifer really hating Fox News and not really liking religion all that much lol. I also have a memory of going to that house for my friend's 11th birthday and playing with the other kids in the house as well as her homeschool friends. I remember us all playing Kirby Return to Dreamland on the Wii and us getting stuck on one of the levels so we just went up to her mom and we were like "Miss Jennifer, we're stuck on this level, can you help us?" And then she played on the Wii with us for a while. In a lot of ways, she was like the fun mom. Now that I'm 26, I found myself thinking about Jennifer and how I'm like her age now. Like she was probably 26-27 at the time my friend was turning 11. And I found myself thinking *damn, here I am having an existential crisis about becoming a parent in the future while I'm low key old enough to have a house filled with 11 year olds for a birthday party.* Anyways, I wonder how my baddie Jennifer is doing. 3. My Friend from Middle School Whose Parents Got Divorced: My friend came from a religious family. But they were like the progressive kind of relgious where they genuinely believed in loving thy neighbor. Both of her parents were in support of gay rights and they didn't shop in Walmart because of the labor practices. Both parents were priests. The divorce happened because the mom ended up being gay and turns out they were holding the marriage together long enough to be able to raise the kids to where they would be old enough to not be totally traumatized with what's going on. The divorce occurred when my friend was in the 8th grade (so like 14) and her brothers were about to graduate highschool. Later on, I found out that her eldest brother (or I guess now sister) came out as transgender a few years later. I think mom was probably under a lot of pressure from her religious upbringing so she ended up in the comhet category to the point where got married to a man and had 3 kids. From what I could tell, my friend had some issues for the first few months processing the whole thing and dealing with the logistics of a situation like this but generally speaking, the divorce was amicable. 4. Interesting Mixed Couples: I know a couple who is my parents age where the dad is Bangladeshi and the mom is from Laos (mind you, the South Asian community is weird about mixed couples and that was even more so the case in the 80s and 90s when this couple got married). The dad works for Lockheed Martin and the mom's entire family has been voting for the Republican party since she came to the country in the 70s during the Vietnam War. From what I understand, their family fell for the propoganda around the Red Scare in the U.S. after dealing with their own share of trauma in their home country. The house hold consisted of the parents, their two kids, and the dad's parents. The mom had most of her family in Texas as well. As a result, both kids were pretty connected to both sides of their heritage. I just remember that every time I went to their house, the food was bomb and I got to play with their dogs. Another couple who is parents age consisted of the dad who is Bangladeshi and Muslim and the mom is a white woman from a trailer park. The mom fully converted to Islam and cut off her family. She's also like 6ft tall while her husband is around my height (5'2"). They have a kid who was taller than me by the time she turned 9 years old. I also have heard stories of a number of South Asian people having interracial marriages before interracial marriages got legalized in the US because they passed themselves off as different ethnicities and the white people didn't know better. Some of them were white passing, black passing, or just blended in with hispanic people. I also met a girl who was half hispanic and half indian and her family was from Guyana. I just thought that was culturally interesting. 5. I met this guy in college who had 6 siblings and they were raised in a Christian cult: His parents got sucked into it during the Satanic Panic during the 80s. Also, among the 7 kids, 3 of them are gay and 2 of them are REALLY homophobic and are following in the parents footsteps in the cult. The guy I met was one of the 2 straight kids who didn't want to be a part of the cult anymore and was basically trying to help his gay siblings to get out while covering for them. 6. My dad had a step-grandma: So apparently, my great grandma passed away young and then my great grandpa got married shortly after because he needed someone to take care of the kids and because he thought the kids were too young to inherit anything if god forbid anything happened to him. Like most marriages at the time in South Asia, it was more of a business transaction/ arrangement rather than something rooted in romantic love. The crazy part is that my dad didn't know that his grandma wasn't biologically related to him until after she passed away and his dad (my grandpa) told him. The reason why my dad had no clue was because his step grandma loved all her kids and her grandkids as her own despite having no biological connection. The story isn't super crazy but you also got to consider that this was Bangladesh in like the 1930s to 1960s. 7. My grandma was raised by her brothers: My grandma on my dad's side didn't really know her parents. Her mom died after giving birth to her younger sister and then her dad died shortly after. My grandma had 4 brothers and 4 sisters. And of the 9 kids, she was the second to youngest. Her eldest brother was like 22 years older than her and basically stepped in as a guardian for all the siblings at 25. As a result, my grandma had a pretty relaxed childhood and didn't have to deal with a lot of the societal expectations women had in her time. The siblings also inherited a large amount of money and weren't struggling financially. As a result of the money and how chill my grandma's older brothers were, they let her go to college. Out of the 5 sisters in the family, my grandmother was the only one that pursued a higher education. The others had the option to, they just didn't, My grandma basically treated college as a side quest before getting married to my grandpa. She graduated in like the late 1930s with a college degree which is pretty wild in my opinion. 8. Blended families: This isn't so much weird but it's interesting to think about as someone who is only 26. I have a couple of coworkers in the 50s who got married again in their 40s and both they and their partners have kids from different marriages. I have heard them talk about their familes and it's interesting watching them navigate the dynamics between the kids as well as the baby mama drama. I also know a girl who is 2 years older than me who is dating a guy who has a 4 year old kid from a different relationship. She's currently navigating the relationship and trying to get to know the mom from the previous relationship as well as bonding with the kid. 9. Young Parents: This isn't so much weird but I guess it's more so unconventional in my eyes. My parents and the extended family I grew up around are on the older end so I have been surrounded by old people growing up. So when I hear stories about people being raised by young parents or people becoming young parents, that's always interesting and a bit wild to me. I have coworkers who are like a couple years older than me who are already parents. I have one coworker who I was sure was atleast a decade older than me who is married, has 4 kids, and a mortgage and I remember when I found out she was around my age, I was pretty shocked. I also have another coworker who is 2 years older than me and she has a 5 year old. I wouldn't say that I'm super close to this person but we do talk sometimes about things going on in our lives and I feel like she and I have the same existential crisis and are navigating the same stage of life but it puts things into perspective because she's doing everything with a child. Like if I'm having a bad day, I can just eat a banana split for dinner and go to bed. If she was having the same kind of bad day, she would still have to fulfill her responsibilities as a parent instead of being able to just eat ice cream and fall asleep. Of course, I think being teen parents is wild but I also think having a kid in your 20s counts as "having kids young" because you're navigating so many life transitions and you're learning to navigate the adult world in that decade. And adding the responsibility of parenthood on top of that is not an easy thing and that can lead to a ton of complications and interesting dynamics. 10. I had a friend who was adopted: She was Chinese and was given up for adoption due to China's one child policy. She was raised in a conservative white family. She also has a sister who was also adopted from a different Chinese family. The white family consisted of her mom and her grandma. The mom passed away when she was 11. I remember listening to how she viewed her adoption as well as how other girls who were adopted due to the one child policy were also impacted.