Nick_98

First of all I want to highlight this. You don’t have to approach women. You just don’t. How to approach women? make eye contact with them Say Hi. if making eye contact with them or saying hi doesn’t come naturally to you, or you don’t feel comfortable doing so. Maybe it’s just not for you to approach women, it was designed for someone else. i know my words for you could’ve been disappointing. But really think about it with an open mind, why do you “have” to do anything ? Right ? once again *make eye contact* *Say Hi* congratulations you just approached a woman. the problem with pick up is that it tries to shove all the people with their different types under the same grinder. You have to figure it out if it’s natural for you to approach a woman or not. And decide accordingly.

Hello there , putting non dual perspective aside I've already contacted a psychologist but I overestimate the fees that I have to pay for the session regarding this It's a problem I am half way through solving I'm not looking for someone to sit with me for an hour to talk with about my entire past to solve this issue. So that's why I'm seeking advice from someone who is a psychologist here on the forum or someone knowledgable enough to solve the issue. Here's the issue. Whenever I see my father I get angry. I live with them , so I'm always faced with this anger everyday and sit through it. I contemplated why I get angry at my father and I got two conclusions: I hate my father I think my father is my enemy I tracked down the thought process and why I do I hate my father and think he is my enemy, I came to 4 thoughts that are causing the issue and they are: 1- He is very religious 2-He smells bad 3-He doesn't know when to talk and when to stop talking 4-He is not socially intelligent, He doesn't understand me etc.. Does anybody know how can I overcome this ? I laid the thought process for you so it can be easy for you to offer advice. Please only offer advice if you think you are knowledgable enough to give one. Please don't give advices such as move out , or leave your father. I'm not allowed to do so at the moment, It's going to take a lot of time. How can I overcome this ?

thank you. Before the anger arises I feel un comfort especially when he shows up or start speaking. When I focus on that un confort I realise that just the fact that he is speaking is for me irritating, the words that come outside his mouth immediately initiate that feeling of discomfort. The problem is I tried to focus on what happened before that discomfort arise and the problem is. I can’t be more aware than that. I take my breaths and follow my body but still do not unravel anything deeper. My awareness is trapped on the fact that all I remember is that his words and presence make me suddenly uncomfortable. Then after that the anger starts to show up. Lol !

Nice Nice. Also I want to add that whenever he speaks I feel uncomfortable. It’s like my brain or I am wired to think of him as an enemy. Lol. I never experience that with other people even if they talk shit. i think the Quraan knew about this.. that is why it was mentioned in Islam to treat your parents nicely. Maybe they have seen this event coming as a challenge for each individual , that their parents could be a challenge. i don’t know. i’m just bluffing ! but if I just treat every situation like the people advised, to move out to leave the house etc.. that wouldn’t be a life that would just be me trying to escape reality and my own demons! And I know they will chase me somehow somewhere else, in the workplace , with my partner, my children etc.. so I’m trying to overcome this inner demon not run away from it. I believe so far I am doing a great job. just the fact that till this day we maintain a relationship that is OK is a success for me. I’m very proud about myself. That really is boosting my self esteem. but yall have been great! Thanks for your advices. I hope you have a wonderful year

I’ve done that in the past and still do. I let these thoughts arise without acting on it. When I said he makes me angry I didn’t mean I express this anger out I just meant the emotion of anger arises

I guess that’s what I’ve actively let myself do for the past two years but did yield small improvements

Hmmm thanks.

I don’t know. But nice guess.

I have found in the past that letting my emotions rise and investigating it is a tough experience and affects my psychological well being negatively.however, I will still try to do that, guess there is only one way out. Thanks for the advice.

Thanks Joshe

Great advice, thank you. Generally speaking when he is not around I don’t feel any anger. But then he shows up and this emotions start to rise, I keep focus on my breath, try not to judge him and Treat him with respect. I think I did a great job in the past maintaining and preserving our relationship, when we pass by we say Hello, Good Morning and Good night. but I thought that there could’ve been a trick or a technique I can trick my mind into stopping generating these emotions. But unfortunately I can’t find any. I would have to face my own curse.

Anyways I think the replies on this posts are very valuable. You all offered me great advices I really appreciate it. However, that was not what I was hoping for, I didn't want the thread to go to this direction " moving out " and "leaving your house". I understand that they are reasonable advices. But as I mentioned above, it currently is not the right move in my opinion and I'm not financially at great ease, the disadvantages outweighs the benefits here. I hoped that there is someone out there who is emotionally intelligent , to tell me how to convert these thoughts, into something that I can work with. Not change my outer world , but my inner world.

Thanks for your advice. I have made an account on an online platform and paid a good amount to find a job online. I did spend on connects , connects are like coins you can use to apply for jobs. But unfortunately didn't get any job online. I tried.

I live with my mother as well. She can't afford me leaving her place, she's very reliant on me emotionally and I respect her and won't do this to her. I live in the middle east it's not always the right solution to move out. You might lose ties with your family entirely not only your father. If I move out then I might lose ties with all my relatives that I highly respect and that some day can help me if I face a problem. And In the country I live in, you. need your relatives to survive, the more social ties you have the easier your life becomes. I can't afford to alienate myself for a small problem, I can literally live with it I have done so for the last 2 years but I think life would be better if I don't get angry at him. Seems to me that the only solution is to move out, I hoped that there was another solution. Till that time to comes when I move out , I want to thank you for your advice. Just to clarify, the only two valid reasons to leave your house in the middle east is that if you are going to get a new house to marry , or if your career situation depends on it for example traveling for studying/working abroad etc.. That is the only way you can move out without losing your ties and relatives because they know you moved out for a valid reason. But if i just tried to rent my own room I face couple of problems My parents will get really upset why did he leave us ? My relatives might alienate from me , Why did he do that ? I might stumble across a roommate that is religious and smells bad , I might get angry at them as well. So can you tell me now how is that problem solved ? I loose a lot of money. Instead of channelling my money to something that is going to help me I waste it when I already pay nothing at the place i'm staying in. My mother cooks for me , so If I leave I will have to pay for cooking , shopping , etc.. all that is extra work. Is that a valid reason to go through this route just because I get angry at my father because he smells bad ? That makes no sense. I can live with it.. It's fine I don't mean autonomy is not important , of course autonomy is important. But living with my parents saves me a lot of bucks and effort , which gives me room to focus on my work. Autonomy is VERY important. But right now I don't have enough money to live fully autonomous. I need some support , I don't get paid a lot.

I understand we are all flawed individuals, also I want to mention that he has a lot of good characteristics like being polite, nice , and somewhat generous. He curses very rarely and treat me with great respect. But that doesn't eliminate the anger. Today I saw him and I was not angry at him. This was straight after I contemplated why I get angry at him, maybe elaborating the thought process in my mind has caused this annoyance to diminish a little bit. Do you know if there is anyway i can rewire my subconscious mind or thought process so I stop getting angry/annoyed at him?

I'm in my late twenties. I already have a job but it doesn't pay well enough to get my own place.

Hello Verdes, thanks for offering assistance. However, this is not an applicable advice at the moment.

Thanks Dodo

Gotcha

Op I’m sorry but who told you that everyone is like this girl ? Maybe you just happen to stumble across the wrong people quite a lot. But that doesn’t mean everyone is like this . ok how to change this situation to make it more beneficial to you ? i don’t want to project the situation outwards and not focus on yourself, that will be a waste of time. practice non Judgment, learn to not judge this girl. Hard enough? That’s your challenge have a good day

Look the thing is if it is not an interesting read it won’t stick to your head. Ask yourself one simple question. What’s interesting in what I am reading? If you can spot the interesting thing you’ll be engaged with it and learn a lot more, but if you ask this question and you don’t find anything interesting chances are the book is not the right one for you.

my life purpose is to drink coffee in the morning and meet awesome people. Simple as that !! 🙂 you can not alienate yourself from society and think you will find your purpose that way. Your purpose is embedded in communicating with other people. That’s what I’ve recently realised. Your main purpose is to belong somehow somewhere. And people can feed you a lot of purpose doing that alone will rarely work. You need other people feed you the purpose. That’s it.

I’m sorry you had to go through a breakup. my advice to you is to relax.. it is not the end of the world! Take a break from searching for a girl you need a break you can’t let these thoughts of wanting to get a rebound control you relax relax relax you need to relax😁

I used to be like that, very excited. But I want to clarify something, maybe you’re just horny. And guess what, that’s a good thing! Your Libido is functioning well, you’re emotionally on the roof that is the best time in your life. Unfortunately, after you age you will see these emotions do not last forever. My opinion that if you have sex it will be more pleasurable than the ppl you’re comparing yourself with. Relax!

My honest opinion ? God is testing you both, especially you. the question for you would be , do you want to sacrifice the small things to have with him a life long relationship ? it’s not about who did what wrong. It’s about you sacrificing the things that are irritating in your relationship to see if you would last for a lifetime. If you both are not willing to quit these arguments that feed on taking your inner peace this relationship cannot continue.