Koeke

I would like to add that I have been doing shamanic breathing for 5 months now and barely have emotional reactions. I remember Leo saying you might wake up crying. This is an extreme example of course, but the only thing shamanic breathing does for me, afterwards, is that it makes me more loving and accepting of me/reality. Thoughts don't annoy me as much etc. I find it hard to tell how much emotional purging happens. I don't know if this is relevant but I am 18 years old and I might be autistic (aspergers).

How can an ego like dying? I presume it can only like certain parts dying. I don't see how it can be child's play since I have done so much work. I am aware of the magnitude of the dissolution of the ego (in so far that's possible at this stage).

I mean what is the understanding? I don't mean how does the process of not noticing an understanding work. You mean that I could potentially be in a backlash because I, mistakenly, think I am going in the right direction?

What do you mean? Can you expand? You're right: I am not noticing the understanding I already have.

@Recursoinominado How often do you have significant progress? With how much spiritual practices?

Yeah, I just feel they're really mild. I watched Leo's video on it (a while ago), he makes it seem like you really have to push through it. Idk, I'm just a bit worried I'm doing something wrong.

What are the negatives of Self-Inquiry? What do you mean you did the practice naively?

So I did 10 hours of consciousness work and other self-help stuff today and when I congratulate and feel proud of myself there seems to be a voice that says: "But who are you? Who is the one that takes responsibility?" Which are great questions of course, but doesn't let me indulge as much in my (healthy) pride. How do I balance/solve this?

I'm experiencing pain sitting up straight while meditating, Self-Inquiring etc. I do half an hour of kriya yoga, an hour of Self-Inquiry and 1.5 hours of 'do nothing' with short breaks in between. I'm able to keep my back up through this but it definitely starts to hurt after an hour or so. I can handle it while practicing but while doing other stuff I can't bring myself to sit straight. A lot of back stretches don't work as well as I want them to and this pain is making it harder to look forward to doing the practices. Any tips?

Thanks for your love! I'll try receiving it fully without blocking it!

I think I have a pretty good understanding of Enlightenment conceptually and (through meditation, Self-Inquiry and psychedelics) I keep noticing how (a lot of) my suffering is unnecessary and would vanish once I get enlightened. I just don't know whether this is enough. I care about truth, but honestly I just want to be happy. I'm just really confused atm. Is there a reason I shouldn't be on the path? I know this might seem silly, but I'm only 18 years old and on one hand there's no reason to 'achieve' Enlightenment (and there is certainly no rush), but on the other hand 'sooner rather than later' right?

Yeah, I'm practicing diligently! How do you conclude that almost nobody focuses on the practice?

Why? I can change my mind. I'm not sure if enlightenment is worth the trouble. My relationships will suffer if I commit to the path. "As for the confusion, and a way to deal with it: just watch the confusion, don't add thoughts about what it is. It is an energy which arises. Feel it in your body, feel without adding a story" But I want to get it. I want to resolve the confusion. "Just know that you are right where you need to be in your journey, but you just cannot see it. This is where a lot of the confusion is coming from. " But there are things I should do to get closer to Truth, like Self-Inquiry etc. Can you explain how the confusion comes from this not-seeing? "It might be wise to catch this one saying "and there is certainly no rush". No rush for what? No rush to be yourself?" No rush to accelerate the path. "Do you feel that enlightenment will pull-you-out of your youth? Do you feel it will stop you from enjoying the illusion of sex, money, etc.? Once you know Truth then the illusion also becomes Truth. The "Truth" and the "lies" are all that one Truth. Actually, lies come from Truth. Lies are born in Truth and die in Truth. And Truth can enjoy them. Not knowing Truth (not knowing who you are), is going to hinder your ability to enjoy life and its forms. Are you "allowed" to enjoy the fruits of illusion? Will you allow yourself to love?" Good point. I just want to be a dumb teenager sometimes. I know this won't really satisfy me. Haha, I feel like such a child writing this: "I want to be stupid! And I wanna know the truth! And I want sex!! But what do I need to do!?!?!" = A boiled down version of my thought process. "I guess we could say that if the path is "your" path, as in the path of the mind, then yes, there is a good reason why you shouldn't be on it. Both the "path" and the opposite of the "path" here are your notions and mind-made ideas about what it is. Actually, you are both the path, the opposite of the path and the destination of both. When you discover that you are reality, all of it, who's to choose what you cannot be?" I sorta grasp what you mean but I can barely 'play' with the understanding, again: confused. What is the reason, then that I shouldn't be on "my mind's" path? "I have had the same thoughts as you have and I understand how they play-out on us." What thoughts are you referring to? And how do they play-out? Thanks for your beautiful response btw! If you don't want to respond to (all of) these questions I totally understand. I barely know if my questions actually point to the deeper cause of any of my confusions.

I don't really understand any of this. I haven't really contemplated free will a lot, tho. Can you nuance "To have free will means to not have free will. To not have free will means to have free will." a bit?

What do you mean by staying grounded? Just acting normal? How can you have free will? Doesn't that imply some separate entity?

I feel like I don't need a teacher. I just think online teachers, psychedelics, contemplation and various other spiritual techniques are enough. PS: Leo, why do you always make such long videos when you could be making these sorts of videos that would be approx. 20 minutes long? Of course some topics require way more time.

What other parts? Things such as physical health, addictions, crippling (social) anxiety etc are not things you should put off. There's a long road ahead of you. Is it really that rare to get Enlightened without a teacher? This might sound dumb but I don't think I need one.

I did 5 meo a couple hours after I posted this. I think I realized the no self. At least to an extent. It's hard to tell based on my memory. So basically one of my first thoughts was that I still want sex. It was hilarious! What trips me up is who wanted sex. Nevertheless, I just wanted to say I agree with you. May I ask how old you are and why you're not yet enlightened? Do you have some tips to avoid your pitfalls?

So I've been self-inquiring for about two weeks now and it makes me tensed in my belly and chest. It might be because I try to focus to hard and I need to relax. Should I relax more if trying to focus so hard is causing this? Has anyone else experienced this? Or is there another explanation for this?

Oh good. That's what I suspected. But when you're searching you just experience being aware, right? I just think that the word 'searching' implies that what you're searching for isn't always directly "in front of you".

Whenever I focus on awareness I immediately notice that I am holding onto a perception of some kind to do so. What do I do then? Do I just keep my attention where it is? Because it's not on pure empty awareness.

How much experience in psychedelics should you have before you try 5 MeO-DMT?

If I were to do 5-MeO-DMT I would do it safely, of course. I would test it, buy a proper scale, first take a very small dose and gradually build it up. Could you expand on your point about doing it correctly because you only talk about being careful with your dosing method and that if kids were to do it they would need a qualified helper. I get that it's hard too explain a psychedelic but I would appreciate it if you would try to illustrate what is so dangerous about 5 meo and what it means to do it correctly. Apart from the reasons you discussed. I am not going to take your word for it.

So I have been a big fan of Leo's videos for nine months or so and have been meditating daily using the do nothing technique since August 2019. I kept upping the time and am currently at an hour everyday. But because of the corona virus I do three hours. I also do shamanic breathing, journal, am attempting to lucid dream and read self-help books. I am currently 18 years old and took my first psychedelic when I was 14. I did half a tray of magic mushrooms (low dose), the kind you can buy in smart shops in the Netherlands. I did that three times. All three of those went relatively well and one of those was really special and magical because I really bonded with a friend of mine. So a few years later, a month before my seventeenth birthday I took LSD and life started to feel magical again. Prior to the trip I felt lonely and depressed for a year. The months ahead I kept telling myself how beautiful mundane things are, I was trying to conceptualise my way to finding things beautiful. At times it felt fake but at a deep level, I did believe it. Ever since this trip I have taken LSD every couple of months while upping the dose every couple of times. My second to last trip (200 micrograms) two months ago I had, what I think must be, a glimpse of the Truth. (You can skip this part if it's too long: Beforehand I meditated for one and a half hours. Two hours into the trip I felt like I was going crazy. But I didn't panic at all. I don't remember what I was thinking about because I trusted my intuition so much that I didn't explicate what I was thinking. Meaning that I barely said any words internally, sometimes one or two words. Then I realized that I am extremely identified with my inner voice and that I am not it, even though I have heard that before I kinda glossed over it. I realized that my voice was the one thing that made me feel like I wasn't going insane and that it carried my way (by conceptualizing) through the freakiness of tripping, and that that was the case for all my ten prior trips. So then I pondered the question of what I am. I remembered enlightened people saying that the answer was right in front of you. So I sat there for a few seconds and then I suddenly said to myself: "Of course!" Language was completely out of it. My comprehension wasn't some type of logic, it was just suddenly utterly clear. It felt like it was the most pure form of reality I had ever experienced. But it only lasted for about five seconds. I was mostly in awe for those five seconds, so I didn't learn a specific lesson from it.) Last week I took 250 micrograms and after 20 minutes while still meditating I noticed for the first time that come up anxiety is just your ego adjusting to the altered state. I couldn't sit still and the fear made my mind rehash earlier found theories. I wasn't basing it on the present moment, they were just ideas. This, again, made me feel crazy so I based everything on actuality. At this point it started to feel like last time. So I just soaked in the fear and after another fifteen minutes I realized that I was God. I have been an atheist/agnostic my whole life. I think there are many more layers of understanding God and sometimes I caught myself identifying with the man in the clouds because those images made so much sense. But I was aware that God is much more than that and that it is infinite Self-love and I was everything and nothing. I revisited a similar state to the one I was in during the trip before this one. Psychedelics have helped me so much: they helped me let go of stupid theories and closed-mindedness, created motivation for self-actualisation, sparked interest and wonder for life, created better emotional well-being and made me love myself and others more. Leo says you shouldn't do psychedelics before 21 because you aren't mature enough. According to that reasoning I am unable to see why. So can anyone explain it to me? Are there any specific psychedelics I should abstain from such as 5-MeO-DMT? If so, why? All comments are appreciated! I also want to make it clear that I am still doing actual normal life stuff, such as graduating (the Dutch equivalent to) high school, going to study philosophy at university next year, having a part time job, learning to play guitar and piano, putting in effort to make friends (even though I'm not the best at this) and working on strengthening my ego. Normal life is the juiciest.