Endangered-EGO

@Slifon I had Kundalini awakening and some mild back issues. I remember my face becoming very hot when the energy pushed threw the tense parts of my spine. So maybe it could affect the uncomfortable sensations of K rising.

@James123 Yeah, well that's the true nature of the self, but maybe it is not ALL there is to the self. Not all there is to the structure of consciousness.

@James123 The buddhist say the 8th jhana is the state of neither being or non-being. Maybe that is what you refer to as "nothingness" "pre big bang". Because you say nothingness, but there is still input during a nothingness awakening. I have heard about people who call the state of neither being or non being "absolute nothing" which is not the same as "nothingness"

It's funny I just asked a question on the forum about an experience I would call infinity. Maybe some of you are able to tell me if I have tasted a drop of infinite consciousness, or if that is something else? I know it is different from the nothingness. It certainly doesn't feel as incredible as nothingness, but that is maybe because I wasn't all the way trough it. (click on the link to see my post) Infinite consciousness or something else? - Meditation, Consciousness, Enlightenment, Spirituality - Actualized.org Forum

I just watched a video about someone explaining his practice, this seems to be very "basic". I learned a lot about letting go thanks to adyashanti, shinzen young and eckhart tolle. There is that "escaping" from something or that "wanting to go somewhere" that is the obstacle between letting go. For example you want to relax, because you want to get away from agitation. The letting go is more like letting go INTO something IN the now, and "not letting a thing go away". Not fighting with something in order for it to go away, is not letting go it's manipulating something for a later result. Letting go is a bad word in my opinion. I would rather use the term harmony vs disharmony. Just realising that you are in a state of disharmony, and accepting the now is a big letting go. There is always thoughts fighting thoughts, something suppressing thoughts, wanting not to think. That often leads to a state of disharmony. Have you noticed that when you completely exhaust yourself with sports or a hard activity, and you are basically KO., if you lie down thoughts just happen and you feel good. That's equanimity. You just don't have to exhaust yourself if you accept the NOW. It's a lot of trial and error in my opinion. I tried to find the right "balance", by forcibly focussing on something and forcibly pushing something away to see both sides of the spectrum, so I know what not to do. Not doing those 2 things is equanimity. It's a HUUUGE instantaneous relief

I sometimes have that experience, and it's distinct from the nothingness and it is definitely part of the source and not really an object of awareness/perception. I wasn't that deep into it yet but it occurs sometimes, longest was probably 10 minutes during meditation. I can in some sense describe the nothingness, the change in perception, but I don't know how I would describe the thing I referred to as infinite consciousness. How I enter it: 1.sometimes I just fall into, I remember having high fever as a child and dreaming about stuff with the "feeling" of "infinity". It's the same infinity (I didn't call it infinite consciousness back then just infinity). or 2. When I fall into infinite space, where there is no up, no down, no forward, no location not nothing, just pure space, and I try to merge with the object of the infinite space, I get that "infinity feeling arising" It basically feels like this wavy energy that is the zooming in on consciousness. The more it is present, the more the Body feels heavy and just every sensation on the Body seems to have no limit. like there is the "heaviness" of the legs, and the heaviness is... not limited, not somewhere, it like the feeling of heaviness can bee zoomed in infinitely. It becomes an immovable thing. I struggle just to explain the effect "infinity" has on the body, because the only word I can use is infinity. It's very strong, it feels like a vibrant energy through my entire being. (Not physical energy like kundalini) Is that what people refer to as infinite consciousness? Are there other methods to enter it, or how can I check that's it's really it and I am not only bullshitting myself. Where can this lead me? I realised that becoming space leads me there, how can I get from infinite consciousness into "infinite nothingness", any tips? I believe it helps to put myself in a deep trance an detach from the Body. A god realisation would be nice lol. (I don't use psychedelicss)

It's a mystery to me if objects of consciousness like memories reincarnate. But consciousness has no properties at all, so the thing that disappears is the same thing that appears through every being. I however am 90% sure that visual memories of ancestors are in your genome. (Epigenetics proved it with fears). Reincarnation of memories without genetics... I am not sure.

Holy shit, transforming pain. Perceiving pain as energy sounds like something the Tibetan self immolation monks were able to do. I will remember what you told me, because I have a strong intention not to harm me physically with spirituality. How long were you sitting? 2 questions out of curiosity: 1. How do you transform the bad pain into warm choclate energy? 2. Would you say that you could, or know anyone who could, be tortured for an undetermined period of time and not suffer physically? Not talking about psychological suffering of having to live life with a limb cut off or being blinded. And KNOWING you can put yourself in a state where pain isn't anything you should be bothered by, doesn't that give you a feeling of power and being indestructible?

Hi guys, I just started to try strong determination sitting. It feels like meditation on pain of Body and mind. It's incredible, the first time I tried it, I was determined not to move, not to swallow and to completely surrender. After 20 minutes the pain became very uncomfortable and the mind started freaking out in waves. But the mind just forgot about it regularly, like after the "oh no I cannot longer do that anymore it's too painful aaaaah", there is just another random thought coming up and the suffering stops for a brief moment. For those who are more advanced than me in that. What things should I look out for, except for the waves of alternatively freaking out and surrendering. Before meditation I used to intent of curiosity to analyse pain and suffering of the mind/body. Do you guys have a few tips and alternative methods? I watchen shinzens video on it. I believe this is a hardcore equanimity training. My goal is an hour, but of course the now-goal is to analyse the pain/discomfort of the mind and body.

@saif2 Yes I got it from shinzen young. I tried to the zooming out, the the pain just seems to stay on the Body part where I observe it. It doesn't increase in other parts of the body, or at least I am not aware of it. Yes, I believe this is the biggest equanimity training there is. Feels like forcing god's grace haha

Update (after 38 minutes of SDS), it's not only the mind that freaks out in waves, but also the pain that intensifies and decreases in waves, with or without mind. It's like I'm just waiting for the decrease seconds after the increase, and that gives kind of comfort, because eventually there is no way out of pain. What I found fascinating is at one point, when the mind was quiet and I was in the waves of increase and decrease pain, i just kind of fell into a state of detached "void" during a few seconds. I wondered where the pain and discomfort went, and then I was back into the waves of pain and mind-freakout. Nothing too incredible, but does this state of surrender have a name?

The story of everything being a story. The paradox of existence. Everything has a base in consciousness. The certainty of uncertainty. Knowing to not know. There is no way out of that is there? Confirmation bias and self deception. I noticed that everything can be viewed and argued differently. The bases assumptions of what we are doing is truth "from inside". But we are not really looking for truth, we are just in a way constantly proving to ourselves that we are wrong until we are certain that we are uncertain. Always finding traps with introspection, and inquiry might be the biggest trap. The core assumption is Consciousness. But for consciousness, truth is not something tangible. I noticed that everyone is so deep within what they are doing, that they just confirm what they want to believe from inside their believe system. "There are no mistakes in the bible, so we will try to 'correctly translate it', because the mistake cannot be from the prophet it has to be in the translation." So I (and everybody else) looks down at people and think "oh look how stupid and full of shit they are" But aren't we doing the same thing, in a meta-way? certain of uncertainty and the story of everything being a story. The deception of self deception. It kind of has positive aspects to it, because I believe I can put myself in "consciously lower" (See how I look down on them, like they do) people's perspectives. What we are doing is practical in one sense, and impractical in an other. There is no such thing as "truth". It is just a word. We are basically just "doing something" and "things happen". I'm both curious and practical. Sometimes reality is that story I was told(/tell myself) and sometimes it isn't. And I am going to stay practical with that. I (again) just wanted to share my thoughts, no questions. I just enjoy hearing your thoughts on that.

Don't mix, and wait 2 weeks in-between substances. No sleeping pills, no antidepressants, no calming meds. That guy took Opioids, benzos and DMT... The worst drug cocktail is Opioids, benzos and alcohol. I guess DMT can also make your system collapse in combination with them. He didn't die from DMT, he died from the mix. To be sure you should wait 2 weeks in-between substances, or even more if the half-life of the substance is long.

I believe I had an important realisation a few weeks ago. I have no real identification with thoughts anymore. I'm not in the absolute, or any awakening, but I am pretty grounded. My mind just plays games with itself and when it's pointless it collapses. I don't meditate anymore, but when I do nothing, I fall into meditation. The mind doesn't direct my life. But what does? I'm just sitting here clueless and waiting. But not for something to happen, I'm just waiting. I don't even know what waiting is, if there is nothing to wait for. Being? I don't "desire" love, happiness, emotion, food, drugs, truth or anything. There is nowhere to go to, or to attain. I wrote this, hoping I would have a question at the end of it, so I'll just ask: What should I do? I don't want anything. Who can convince me I actually do want something? What is it? Note: I just let this post write itself spontaneously, sorry for the vagueness, but I felt like it was the best way to communicate where I am at.

No, this is the book https://www.amazon.com/True-Meditation-Discover-Freedom-Awareness-ebook/dp/B003X27LB8/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1607516883&sr=1-1 Sorry for the late response forgot the post. @The0Self No, he especially states, that the do nothing is not "the intention to drop all intention" It is: Whenever you NOTICE the intention to control the attention, drop that intention. He says that the goal is not to wait for the intention to want to manipulate the attention. It is to drop the intention *IF* you notice it.

Thank you, I believe that is what I needed to hear.

It's not that I claim to not need to do that. I'm just not sure I am doing it right. I am not sure what this feeling of being a "me" is like. I'm not sure I am resting awareness on the me. Is it the same as "being aware of being aware"? What is the "feeling of being a me" without thoughts? Is it part of the method to struggle doing that? In that case I'm doing it right, if it's "being aware of being aware" that is the "me-ness" outside of thought/concept/percept's. @Someone here Yeah well, it's like I know there is nothing to do. That I could do things, but I just don't feel the need to "go anywhere"? I don't feel the need to find chase anything, including awakenings. Not even love. A part of me still does, out of "functioning reasons". I am not used to function without needing to get anywhere. @Mu_ That "state" I am in came from the fact that I had a non-awakening (without changes in perception) realisation that the "thing" I was trying to enlighten was already enlightened, awareness doesn't care. Do you have any things I could read about this integration phase? I know that adyashanti talks about this. And I just don't know what to do. I know what I could do, which is deconstructive mindfulness and reconstructing love. But I also have the freedom to just do nothing. I had a sober "heaven" realisation a few weeks before the enlightenment-realisation (I call it liberation, because it's more neutral).So I know it is possible to perceive the world like that. When I was into that state, I had no intention to try to keep it up. And afterwards it's only the thoughts that wanted to go back there. But now, I am not really motivated to do things to be in that state. I wouldn't mind it. I would in fact love it, but I don't want to do something to get there... Okay, that's not entirely true I'm curious how to get there and how to get other people there actually. It's just not that big of a deal let's say. I know that the thoughts are reactive, but the reactive loop used to get me the motivation to go towards "feeling good" and away from "feeling bad". Is there a motivation of being possible? I would intuitively train to find love in everything I do, just for doing things right, but I'm also okay with not feeling love. @Tim Ho I wouldn't call that "down", it's actually really liberating and calm, but confusing. I might need some time to adapt to that. How do people who are in bliss all the time get themselves to do anything? Habits? Empathy? If there is nowhere up to go, or no need to go anywhere? There are still things to do, but it's like getting a donkey to move who isn't hungry for carrots. (I am the donkey)

@Nahm Okay, that type of self inquiry I already do, but not strongly enough. For example, the me-ness is different. There is me-ness in the image-thought of my face, but there is also the me-ness in the association of head-space and visual darkness. I guess divide and conquer? To realise the me in my head. Is just an association of dark sight + head feeling + body/face image that occures. Oh damn, that is very very subtle.

Well there is this space, but there are still concepts like the Body. I'm not sure If there is space awareness or if I am aware of this space. How can I find out if there is any "me-ness" to that space?

Yes, I am just being practical by explaining that. One of the problems with self referetial thoughts, is that I believe I am aware of them, and as soon as I notice them, they kind of collapse. They can't really maintain themselves for a long period of time. But those are just the one's I am aware of. Maybe there are other self referential thoughts I am not aware of? Maybe I should look for thoughts that I'm not aware of. However I am also aware of the space in-between thoughts.

I had a Kundalini rising, that was the most intense Bliss I ever experienced. There is a part in Sam harris book "waking up" where he talks about ethics and a Guru who was told by his master "as long as you are awake, there is nothing you can do wrong", so he convinced heterosexual men who followed him, to have sex with him, which might have been a method to subdue the ego. But that of course resulted in dozens of people getting AIDS from him. @Leo Gura Maybe a good read for Connor would be Sam harris book "waking up". Sam example of a guru who thought he couldn't do anything wrong if he is awake. Including sex, and giving people AIDS.

@Moksha No it's not DP/DR. I had it 5 years ago, trauma induced. @Javfly33 Yes, I am the awareness, but I haven't integrated it in my life. I don't function properly without identification of thoughts. Not that I functioned before haha. I didn't function and suffered. Now I just don't know what to do and where to go. Yes, My Body wants food and drink. After ignoring it for a few hours I finally eat. The problem is we are all locked down here so I used to go for a walk, but I used to do that to calm the mind/feel better. I don't even truly desire that tbh. @Swarnim I kind of know what I COULD do, and I am doing it, but there is nothing FUELING what I do. No fear pushing me. No love attracting me. I have, and I have my approximate life direction for the life purpose. I'm currently studying psychology and want to develop mindfullness teachings with psychotherapy and a wellness center. One thing I need to do is deconstruct every percept and concept, and then reconstruct love. Kind of a step by step towards heaven. But I notice I could increase "love" right now, but I don't really feel the desire to do that... Maybe I need time to adjust. Or maybe I just convinced myself I don't want anything. @seeking_brilliance I would love a dog, unfortunately my life circumstances don't allow it. I'll just go pet dogs while taking a walk haha.

I once had a dream about waking up and seeing his new video "What is Creation?". I hoped that the video would come up a few days later, but unfortunately it didn't happen haha. No psychic abilities here.

Promising women spiritual enlightenment by having sexual intercourse with them. Yeah definitely not gonna result in hundreds of rape charges in a few years. How can someone not realise the danger of this?

Hello I noticed something My base level of concentration and sensory clarity had a huge increase during the last few weeks. My equanimity (letting the objects of perception come and go, without resistance) too, but it is not as developed as the other things. I trained concentration and sensory clarity by focusing on a lot of objects. Now I notice the SUFFERING of some things way stronger. For example today I had a little bit of nausea, and when that occurred I suffered WAAAYY stronger than usual. Fortunately it went away quickly, but still suffering more. It seems to be dependent on the object, for example some thoughts and emotions just flow through me, and I wonder how I don't suffer by observing some of them, like mild fear, sadness, frustration but for example emotions like despair, feeling trapped and of course physical discomfort are being noticed more intensely, which leads to more suffering under specific circumstances. I guess this is the hard part of mindfulness, dealing with painful objects, it's not yet possible for me to "take a step back" from identifying with them, like with the thoughts, and I just stand there and suffer for a while until they disappear. Does anyone have a few tips on training equanimity for when it is very intense? I know it is magic for mild suffering, but what about "big" suffering? Equanimity is also sometimes refered to as love, but I am not loving the objects of perception I am merely observing them and allowing them, maybe this is key? I have no idea. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention to transcend physical torture fast, but I want to go into the direction of reducing suffering in general and in every aspect. Every time I suffer this gives me training, and I want to train correctly, so that I can at least have a positive thought going through situations in which I suffer haha.