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  1. I can't find a way to talk with her about anything spiritual. So yeah, I can't really say that I will do 5-meo. I actually told her that I considered doing dmt once and she went crazy, telling me to never do it and all the bad stuff that could happen to me, so I said okay I won't do it just keep her quiet. I will do it never the less. I will let whatever happens happen.
  2. This is pure weakness of mine, a pure delusion. But I just realized that if I truly love her, nothing can take it away. It can only increase it, for the Truth itself is love. If I can accept and love her for who she is now, I can do the same no matter what degree of awakening. This will test love. If I'm not willing to test my own love for her, then she is not worthy of me.
  3. @ThomasT To be honest, the only thing preventing me from saving to a 5-meo retreat which would only take me like 4-5 months is my girlfriend. I'm afraid I will lose her. I love her so much but I know the power of truth, that my love for her cannot win over Truth. Maybe I'm just deluded, maybe this not how it is and will be. But it just feels this way, an intuitive feeling.
  4. "I said, Oh Allah (God) what is the way to you? And Allah said, leave yourself and come." - Bayazid Bastami Sounds like God to me. Sounds like the porpouse of psycadelics like 5-meo itself is this. ❤️❤️
  5. @ThomasT Nice. First things first, but I will probably save for it one day and go for it, God willing. @mike1111 They don't. The mind is the creator of illusions, the ego itself is the illusion. Psycadelics can show this. But yes, weed is nothing compared to 5-meo, lsd, dmt, mushrooms. I am conscious of the grand illusion. I am conscious of how infinitely far away from reaching the Absolute I am, the Truth. Altough I am the Absolute right now and this very present moment, this very experience is the Absolute - it's still filled with egoic filthy delusions. I am conscious that the only way out of this illusion or dream is to literally die aka absolute ego death. And I'm conscious that I won't be able to die without the help of something as direct and powerful as 5-meo.
  6. Giving my girlfriend a psycadelic would never happen, for some reason she almost hates spirituality or something. Just a day after telling here about this forum and the basic message of it, she told me to never talk about it again lol. But I love her never the less.
  7. The negative energy for getting yourself involved is real. Ignore all devilry at all costs, don't give your power and energy away to ignorant fools. This is not a weakness but a very deep and big strenght. It has been said that Bayazid told a seeker to attract blame from his whole town by getting all children to get around him, telling them to smack his face for 1 walnut, 2 walnuts for 2 smacks and so on. In complete shock, the seeker cried, "Glory be to God! There is no God but God!". Bayazid said he wouldn’t be able to do this before telling him to do so, and nor did he.
  8. Nothing special, just pointing out what the mind does.
  9. I recommend not quiting meditation. Meditation is a beast, the ego is scared to death of it. If you meditate and self-inquire into the question "What am I?" the ultimate answer "I am God!" will become your true experience. The ego itself cannot fathom that it's God and will even deny it, since the ego itself is an infinite illusion and delusion. That's the first thing to realize. The second thing to realize is that God is infinite illusion, delusion and limitation. The ego IS God. The Infinite and finite are one and the same. You are the Infinite right now experiencing being finite.
  10. Yes. Don't analyse, still your mind and be focused in the present moment. Do this right before smoking and stay in that. I find that the mind gets more quiet when I smoke, but to stay focused in the present moment or Now and not get disturbed by the mind, that requires exerice. It's worth it since as the mind becomes more still, so becomes your conscious aware experience deeper.
  11. I agree. To me as well it's easier to slip into different degrees of consciousness states, like no-self, Self with a capital S, samadhi experiences etc when I smoke. I believe weed has it role in enlightenment, but you must do the dirty work before and after. I use to do consciousness work months before I decide to smoke for some days, and then I go back to the work. The question of Truth and delusion is a good one. I know how to distinquish those two, I see Truth when it's true and delusion when I see it, this requires a lot of self honesty. It's not easily explained how I do this with the mind, you have to find your own way. But just be careful and conscious of how the mind interprets and creates a story about the experience. It's never the case. The key is to stay in the present moment, very focused and still, and becoming conscious of whatever you become conscious of. Whatever the mind says, it doesn't matter. It's secondary to conscious experience. Conscious experience or realization is primary.
  12. I will, when I feel ready for it etc. Altough time is not the problem, the problem is getting my hands on psycadelics like dmt, lsd, never the less 5-meo where I live. I have considered a 5-meo retreat, it's just so expensive. I must, just out of pure curiousity and fascination, try these substances and see these radical states of consciousness. And I will one day. Some way or another.
  13. Consciousness has heightened slowly by the years. Right now, for the last 6 months, I feel consciousness going back to sleep. I have not experienced the intense level of consciousness produced by psycadelics like 5-meo. My mind cannot even fathom these radical extreme states of consciousness. But God is not an idea or something. God is as actual and real as it gets. God is none other than YOU!