DefinitelyNotARobot

HAHAH oh man I did it AGAIN! Silly me!

So either one, both and neither?

I guess that wouldn't actually make any difference because I would never know?

Damn I did it again! I get that asking questions will not get me to where I want to be. I can't ask infinite questions, yet I am on a path of exactly doing that. I guess I have to spend some time alone just being still, being with myself! That's what I understand from all of this!

@Verdesbird I see that! I was thinking about this the other day. Every thought I think comes in the form of a sense (either a sentence/sound or an image). What if would have been born blind, deaf, without any sensation of touch/smell/taste? What would my life look like? Could I think? Would I know that I existed? If I were to loose all my senses right now, I'd probably dream up some alternate reality in my head. But every piece of knowledge (at least the pieces I am aware of right now) is just something I collected through one of the senses, in the same way that my body is made out of things I ate. I watched my thoughts and saw how they assembled themselves. I realized that my mind, just like my body, was creating itself. Look at a tree. Who built that tree? Nobody. The tree built itself, by consuming the earth, water and sunlight that it had access to. Same is happening with the body and mind. My mind is just feeding off of the information it can find around itself. That had me fucked up. Same goes for everything basically, right? Nobody built the planet earth. It just came to be. Everything just comes to be. From where though? Or by what means? What is building itself? There is something and WE are just part of that something. That is what I see. But I can't find that something. Yet.

Good question! I actually can't tell... The last time I tripped I was playing Super Mario bros. at a friends house and I realized how this life is like a video game. If you were to observe a Mario you would think that he was intelligent and that he had a will of his own. He jumps, dodges enemies, makes intelligent decisions etc. But when you zoom out far enough you would realize that he was being controlled by an outside force all along! He wasn't intelligent, he didn't have any free will. He was being controlled by something larger than him. That's life. That's us. We are being played by an outside force. We think that we have a free will and that we are intelligent, but really we are just video game characters being played by a larger force. Whatever the thing controlling us is. (God/Consciousness from a spiritual perspective, laws of nature from a scientific point of view) I realized that and I have been wondering who the hell the player is since!

Makes sense! It's same with light and dark. If there was no light, we wouldn't have any eyes, since they would be pointless, so we wouldn't know darkness either. Same goes the other way around. If everything was light, eyes wouldn't make any sense, and we probably would have never evolved them to know this "light/dark" duality. Would that also apply to the whole "objective/subjective" debacle? I guess I still have a lot of meditation to do to really feel into this awareness.

But isn't this just a belief if I believe this without coming to the conclusion myself? That's all that I am trying to do. Come to a conclusion just like everybody else. (eventhough you could say that there is no conclusions to be made) I guess the REAL question I should be asking here is how to surrender?

That was kind of the problem. Let's say I look at a coin. I can only see one side of the coin at a time. Does that mean that the other side does not exist? Of course it COULD be that it actually stops existing as long as it's not being observed, and that it starts existing as soon as I turn the coin around, but I couldn't know that (unless, like Leo said, I became very conscious I guess). Same with objective reality, vs subjective reality. Just because I can only experience subjective reality, does that mean that objective reality is untrue? This actually gave me an idea: If everything truly is one, which it is (not even a scientist that didn't have a direct experience of oneness can deny that) that would mean that subject = object? Me = corona virus? Me = Body, Me = Mind, but also me = everything else? But who is the "me" then? Who is the subject? The mind, the body, and literally EVERYTHING that "I" can perceive is just another object, isn't it? Now, if you try to observe the "subject" all that you will find is more object. Actually I can't find a subject in my direct experience. There is no "observer" just the observed. This confuses me even more, plus it brings me back to my original question: How do I know that any of this is true? Just because I can't see the other side of the coin, does that mean it doesn't exist? I feel like I am walking in circles. Kind of reminds me of a small insight I had on shrooms. Even if I did understand 100% of EVERYTHING through contemplation (which obviously can't be done because this finite mind would have to understand an infinite amount of things) I would just end up back where I started. I would understand why I don't understand everything and why I am not meant to understand everything and I would understand why I suffer and where suffering comes from and why I am supposed to suffer and I would be back where I had started... Meaning I would just understand why everything was the way it is and nothing would really change... So there is no point in understanding any of this. But I can't help it!! My mind is just so thirsty for knowledge! I mean I can't blame it, knowledge is pretty damn tasty! Kind of reminds me of the Law of One and the 7 densities: ... even though this is some mumbo jumbo from my point of view. I guess it either is, or I have to awaken to some higher truth, but I'll find out somewhere in the future! (hopefully)

Agree on this one. I know this too well from my own experience. There is a question though: How do we know that our environment is the same as the perception of our environment? That is what I was wondering. If Leo was right and the only way to know is to awaken, then it is no wonder that people believe their monkey minds more than their experience, since it's pretty damn hard for a person to awaken (I think so, I mean I am not awake so how would I know?) Again I am open to both possibilities. I have to admit that I simply do not know. I hope to find out one day. But right now it just confuses me tbh.

I've seen one in summer of 2007. I was 9 years old. I have actually never told anyone since I feel kind of uncomfortable telling that story. I am very skeptical with most paranormal phenomena. When people tell me about having seen an UFO, a ghost, etc. my mind comes up with a thousand answers that are more reasonable than something paranormal. That's how I feel about that story. What if I saw a natural phenomena and I just mistook it for a UFO? What if I just didn't understand what I was seeing? It makes me feel petty stupid. I KNOW what I saw. I KNOW it. Most UFO sightings happen at night and consist of people seeing weird lights. But I saw it in broad daylight, clear blue sky, middle of the day. ------------ My mother and I were sitting at the table, having lunch. Our table stood right next to the window and I, as always, spend a lot of time just staring out the window. I would look at the birds and the trees and just take it all in. I remember that it was a sunny, but VERY windy day. I was looking at all the trees being bend back and forth by the wind. That's when I saw a metallic kind of frisbee flying through the air. I was mesmerized by that frisbee. It was flying through the air so smoothly. As if there was no wind at all. (Keep in mind that there was a very strong wind outside) I was just staring at that frisbee. We were living on the 4th floor at that time. Next to us was a tall building with at least 10 floors. I was watching that frisbee when it flew above the 10 story building. THAT got me confused. "How did they throw that frisbee so high up" I thought to myself. When I first saw that frisbee I thought it was a small object that was pretty close to myself. When I saw it flying over the building I realized that it was further away than I thought. I waited for the frisbee to reappear at the other side of the building. And it did. I was looking at it closely. Then I realized that I wasn't looking at a small object. Not at all! It was actually quiet big. I was looking at it and I just froze. I realized was looking at a damn UFO! It looked like straight out of a fucking movie! I couldn't believe my own eyes! I just sat there and watched it fly around for a minute or so. It flew around as if it couldn't decide where to go. Then it just flew off into the horizon. It was CRAZY fast! It was gone in just a second! And that's it. I was so hypnotized that I didn't even think of telling my mother that there was a literal fucking UFO outside our window, which I kind of regret to this day. I just looked at her and then I went back to eating. I didn't mention it. I didn't even think about it. I was so shocked that I didn't know how to react. I don't know what it was. Aliens? Some government? Humans from the future? What I do know is that I can't explain it to myself. My mind tries to come up with all kinds of answers, but I DO know that it was behaving intelligently. I still don't know what to make of it. Did I just fall for an illusion/delusion? Is my memory just playing a trick on me? Or did I really see something on that day? A part of me refuses to believe that I did. Another part knows that I did see... something. All that I DO know is that I am confused and I don't know how to interpret what happened that day.

You don't want anything abstract about death. But that presumes that life and death aren't abstract concepts. You wan Think about this: If the stars, the matter of this planet and thus your body come from, didn't "die", neither one of us would be here. If death wasn't a thing then the entire universe would have to be the same way for all of eternity. Nothing would ever change. Nothing is permanent. That's sad, but beautiful at the same time! It makes everything that happens right now even more beautiful! You want meaning? Then find the meaning in what is and not in what will be. Stuff comes and goes. Think about the friends you have right now. Maybe you'll be friends for the rest of your lives, maybe you won't. That's just another reason for being grateful for what you've got. Also: Imagine the USA split up right now. Would the people disappear? Would the ground the country is built up on change? No. The only thing that would change/die is be a concept called the USA. This concept only works because people believe in it. The same goes for "you". The only thing that would die is your concept of "you". Your understanding of "what" you are. The atoms and energies that make up your body and mind would remain. They would just take on a new form. The only thing dying would be your perception of "you". But those are just ideas. Sit down and contemplate YOUR idea of death! what does it mean to you? WHY does it have to mean something? WHY is it the end of you? Would you WANT to live forever? Do you think that would be fun? Answer these for yourself. Even if you don't find anything, you'll still learn something about yourself and maybe you'll learn to appreciate your impermanence as a gift, not a curse! Meaning is subjective, learn how to make the best out of it! (Doing that is a SKILL, not an ability) Hope you'll find some peace!

Very interesting! I've never bothered to look into this topic, thanks for sharing awareness!

I've been trying to find the observer of my thoughts lately. What I found kind of confused my mind, so I'd like to ask you about your opinions, since I'm not sure whether any of this makes sense or not. To my mind this doesn't sound very "logical" so I'm kinda unsure. Somebody had suggested that I'd make "the one observing my thoughts" my point of meditation. So I tried doing that. I did that by simply observing. Direct experience, nothing else. I sat there when it suddenly hit me: In my direct experience there is no actual observer! All I could find was... awareness. It's hard to explain. But I'll try anyways. The idea of an observer is just that. An idea. A concept. Once I let my thoughts do their own thing, without paying any attention to them, this idea disappeared. I tried going with what was actual in that moment and all that was actual was awareness. It's really hard to put it into words. But there was "nobody" being aware. There was just an awareness. My body. My mind. They just existed "within" this awareness. When I say awareness I am not talking about the human senses. Even those senses just existed "within" THIS awareness. When I look at an apple, I can't know for sure, whether that apple is real or not. It might be real, or it might be a hallucination. But what I do know for sure, is that the awareness of seeing that apple is real! What about physicality? How come you can't push your hand through a solid brick wall? Your hand and the wall seem to be aware of each other on a physical level! My hand should't be able to react to the wall if there was no awareness. But I'm back to theory land. I guess my mind wants to make sense of it. I AM pretty confused. For a second I stopped identifying with the mind and the body. Instead I identified with this awareness. I then snapped back into my egoic mind. Every time I meditate there are multiple moments throughout the meditation where I get this... "vibe". It feels like I could go deeper into the meditation and reach some kind of realization or truth. Ironically this "feeling of being able to go deeper" then ends up distracting me... Same thing happened yesterday! It felt like there was a realization lurking right around the corner, but I got distracted. Is this just the ego trying to distract me, or is there actually some deeper realization that I just have to push through to? And how would I do that? Anyways, all of this got me wondering: What the fuck was that? I feel pretty crazy right now. Can anybody help me with my confusion? I'd appreciate to hear your insights! Peace!

@WelcometoReality I didn't think about that! Very insightful! Thanks!

Good question! From a non-dual perspective? Yes AND no. If you are dehydrating and you hallucinate drinking water, would you be hydrated? No. But even dehydrating would be a hallucination, wouldn't it? I mean everything is subjective. So it depends on your perspective. (If you saw somebody hallucinate drinking water, would the water be real to YOU?) This makes me think... My mind tries to separate the observer from the observed. But if reality is true oneness, then there wouldn't be a difference between the two, right? I think I now get what Leo was saying about reality observing reality. That brings us back to what reality is. How and why is it observing itself? Also, what does observation even mean in the context of the whole? I bet! There are a lot of things about that question that can be explored. Even just meditating on the question of "who" or "what" that observer is can be a lot of fun!

@LastThursday I'll check it out, thanks!

@VeganAwake Beautifully said! Is it just me or does the fact that it's unknowable create a certain sense of peace? We are constantly caught up in trying to understand... "this". We are constantly caught up in trying to know what the hell is going on. We are constantly trying to dissect, decipher, label and analyze everything around us. The fact that it's unknowable takes a lot of weight off of my shoulders! I know that I can just lay back and enjoy "its" beauty without having to understand it. Without having to think about it. It's already beautiful even if I don't know what "it" is. Oh man, those 4 lines of text got me in my feels

McDonald's is worth a few hundred billion dollars. They have enough money to afford extensive research on what people like and what will get people hooked on their food. No wonder you have a hard time resisting. Remember: Getting off of stuff is a process that takes time. Be patient! Don't be too harsh on yourself. Remember to give yourself the space to make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up and give it some time. Decrease the rate at which you visit McDonald's slowly over time. It's about the small victories! You don't have to resist the urge to eat at McDonald's 100% of the time. Even if you do it just once per day it's already a win. With some time you will get better at resisting the urge. It's like training a muscle in your brain that is dedicated to saying "no" to McDonald's. I can get addicted pretty easily (runs in the family) so I know how hard it can be to deal with that kind of stuff. Do you meditate? I can highly recommend mindfulness meditation as it can help you with dealing with urges. (talking from experience) I don't know if it helps, but I'll send some positive vibes your way! I wish you the best with your problem! You can find the strength you need within you! Peace!

@VeganAwake Interesting! I wonder what kind of deep states they must have experienced to arrive at this "conclusion" if you could call it one. What is your personal opinion if I may ask?

What exactly do you mean by re-configuring the internal language? How would you do this? Hmm, that makes me think: I once read that humans tend to act in accordance to their past decisions. I wonder why that is? I know it's the ego, but I don't understand the why behind all of it. Reminds me of something that happened a few month ago. I used to get anxious around people all the time. My anxiety bugged me for years. Then I started meditating. I remember a specific evening 4 - 5 months ago, where I was out with my friends and I got really anxious. My heart started racing and so did my thoughts. Then a single thought appeared which kinda changed my life. "Why am I so anxious?" I didn't know, so I started breathing and I observing. And suddenly... I understood. This "anxiety" was merely a sensation in the body. It was neither a negative sensation, nor was it a positive one. It was just a sensations. Nothing but a "burning" sensation in the abdomen, followed by a racing heart. I just observed it and boom. Didn't have anxiety since. The sensation in my body caused my mind to go wild, which caused my body to react even stronger, making my thoughts go even wilder.There still seems to be a believe for thought and bodily sensation, but I'm able to see through it more often now! I hope that the next time I have an opportunity to let go of the ego, I'll be ready! So really what I have to learn is to step outside of these "thought-stories"? Sometimes I don't seem to be aware of the fact that I even have that option. I get so involved in how I feel and what I think about the way I feel, that I forget to actually just take a step back and observe! I will try to keep your advise in mind! Thank you very much! Why does that happen? Why do we mislabel these feelings? And why do we always try to use our thoughts to solve problems that can't be solved by thought alone? It's like trying to operate a computer using a hammer. We know it won't work, yet we keep doing it. I'd appreciate that! I am not too good at managing my emotions... I used to be in a kind of "rational stage orange" state throughout my teens and I grew up without any appreciation for my emotions and my intuition. It has been only recently that I have learned that they are an integral part of life and that I should pay more attention to them! I still have a lot of work to do, but I feel like I've opened up a really important dimension.

Like a dream dreaming itself?

Man that's tricky! The ego has been deceiving me for song long that I honestly can't tell. It's such an integral part of my life that I can't tell true from false. "I" am in fact the ego talking right now. And I will be for as long as I haven't found the true self. It's not that the true self doesn't already exist, it does, but the ego is really good at deceiving itself! Isn't it funny that "I" am trying to find the true self, but the "I" that is trying to find it is just the ego? "I" am trying to find the truth, but the truth is the most dangerous thing to the "I" since it will dissolve all boundaries and concepts that the "I" has created, including the "I" itself! So maybe "my" search for the truth is the biggest deception there is? Maybe searching for enlightenment/happiness/freedom is the biggest obstacle that "I" have to face? I don't know. I don't even know what that "I" trying to find the truth is. WHO wants to dissolve the ego? Certainty not the ego itself. Perhaps it's the true self. Perhaps it's just the ego all over again. All I know is that "I" am really confused. That being said... ... how does the "I" that does NOT want to let go, let go? Am I just overthinking it? I remember a trip where I was facing an ego death. My sense of "my" body had already dissolved. I was facing the dissolution of "my" mind. But I couldn't do it! I got overwhelmed with anxiety, fear and panic. In hindsight I know that all I had to do was to let go. But once you actually do face the possibility of the ego dying, the ego starts fighting back with all it got. Like an animal being cornered by a predator. The ego won't go out without a fight. The ego has nothing to loose at this point. I think the problem is not "what" I have to do, but rather "how" I have to do it. Again, am I just overthinking it? Is the "how" even important, or is it something that you just do? I grew up around a lot of narcissistic people (both parents) and I'm starting to see "their" image whenever I look into the mirror... The ego doesn't like to admit this, but it's true. I was watching this video the other day, and it really resonated with me. I don't agree with everything he says, but the part from 0:39 to 6:22 where he talks about what letting go would feel like for a narcissist almost made me tear up. I don't like putting myself into a box like narcissism, but I can't deny how accurate this description is. That makes me wonder: How do I let go, if the "letting go" feels like hell? I DO know that all of this is just thoughts. But these thoughts are pretty damn convincing (which is just another thought lol) I feel like my mind keeping making up a thousand problems for every problem I'm trying to face. How do I navigate through this fog of thoughts and confusion? I don't even know why I'm asking this to be honest. Maybe I have a genuine problem, maybe it's just yet another problem my mind has made up in order to actually distract me from the truth. All I know is that I don't know anything. I feel like a different person everyday. I don't even know what the "I" is at this point. I don't know who I think I am and I don't know who I actually am. Any advice would be appreciated! I was talking about this with a friend the other day! Language limits us in so many ways. Especially when you "think" in language. I was wondering: What if there was a word for "I", that didn't refer to "I" as a singular object separate from everything else? What if there was a word for "I" that included everything else? A word that made the "I" be relative/connected to everything else? What if there was no "I"? No "other"? Just more of the same thing? Would people have a different perception of reality? Would they think differently about life? Obviously that idea would be kind of difficult to manifest into a word, but you get the point. What if we stopped using language to separate reality and rather started using it to unify it? I think a good example is music! Music can unify people of different ages, nationalities, races etc. Not only that but it can unify people and animals too! Just look at this video! The monkey understood what the guy was "expressing" with the song! Not only that, but WE can understand what the monkey was trying to communicate through its dance! Look at the monkey and try to see what the monkey was trying to "say"!

TL;TR: Can I use mantras to heighten my awareness of insights that I've gained through meditation? Can reaffirming a mantra "rewire" the mind and it's behaviors? ---------------- So I've been doing mindfulness meditation for a couple of months now and I've had a few interesting insights since I started. There are a few moments throughout the day where I have a pretty clear mind. These moments are beautiful! I just lay back, look at stuff and enjoy the present moment as it is! Remember when you were a kid and everything looked new and exiting? Those moments feel just like that! It feels like "I" am pure awareness which gives me better control of what I am aware of! On top of that "I" feel really connected to whatever I am aware of! I was laying in bed the other day, listening to music, trying to get myself into a meditative state. Suddenly all of my awareness shifted to the music. It felt like I had left my mind and my body and I had traveled to a realm where the song was all that existed! "I" was the musician. "I" was the song! After that I felt very connected to the musician. It was REALLY beautiful! But these moments are just fleeting. I have a few of them and that's it. The problem is thinking. Listening to thought is a behavior that has been wired deeply into "my" mind. My mind likes to pay a lot of attention to thoughts. There is something about thought that attracts my mind. Meditation feels like unwiring my mind. Unwiring this automatic behavior. It makes me stop listening to thought! When I am in this state I do have thoughts, but I just don't listen to them. I don't pay them any attention. This got me thinking. Can I "rewire" my brain using a mantra? What would happen if I were to repeatedly reaffirm an insight for, let's say, 10 minutes each day? Something like: "BE the awareness", "Be the ocean, not the wave" etc. I've always preferred doing mindfulness meditation. I don't have much experience with mantras. I'd like to hear your opinions on the matter!

@Raptorsin7 That's good to know! Thank you!