Exystem

I probably said more than what's needed to be said about this topic already. It actually needs no (further) discussion - everything seems like a repetition to me at that point. I wanted to "fullfill my obligation" to answer to you, since I love people arguing and participating in discurse about essential stuff, but on the other side it's kind of pointless and it can become the same hamster wheel as everything else. But keep going! Since I was ten years old, I really began to think about existence. In the first few years I couldn't sleep for hours because I was notoriously philosophizing. Then I realized it was all mental masturbation, circle jirking. Every philosophy/Weltanschauung consists of words, and a word is made of words, it's an empire of words. If you take one card away, the whole house of words callapses. Empty words all the way down. Think about: what is a thought? What is a word? Is it possible without words? Every philosophy/Weltanschauung needs at least one singular premise. And most of the times it tries to reason why this premise was true in the first place. The most serious philosophers get lost in their own trickery - that it's all a giant circular reasoning. The made this circle of their reasoning so big that they can buy into the illusiom that it's actually a straight, contingent, linear line of logic but they are actually constantly talking in circles. So they become the blind leading the blind. You can easily see through this trick in religion, more difficult in philosophy and in spirituality you get trapped again theirafter. After the realisation "I know that I don't know (anything at all)" triggered by socrates, the house of philosophy collapsed. After the investigation " are there two "I"s or only one? Am I the one who knows or the one who not knows? Is there even one "I" and what is it? Can I even ever know what I am? ", triggered by self-inquiry, psychedelics etc., the house of spirituality started to crack. In the end, nothing is responsible or causal for the final brick to fall away since that is a story, again. There has never been a brick to begin with, it's tricks not bricks all the way down. So I have nothing to say about what you should do or not do, since houses of words rising and falling happens on its own. I enjoyed the crazy trip of deconstruction within philsophy and spirituality so far, I love breaking down houses of words by building new ones. It's a fun game, so why not? But I guess this thread is worn out. If you have questions or comments, you can also write me privately - but it may take some time to answer since sometimes I am not active here for long periods of time. Have fun guys, love ya all

So you're on a spiritual path, gradually awakening, resolving trauma, purifying yourself, self-inquirying, releasing contracted energy, burning karma, practicing mindfulness, integrating shadows, disidentifying with thoughts, contemplating, doing psychedelics, watching spiritual videos, meditating, doing all kinds of yoga and so on and so on... Welcome to the spiritual rat race! Congragulations, you have still achieved nothing! This may be triggering for some if not most here, I may be accused to promote spiritual bypassing but if you are truly interested in “Truth“ and open-minded enough, just stick with me. Fleeting Absolute? You actually don't seek a fleeting state of consciosness, something temporary that comes and goes, you seek the Absolute, don't you? If it is truly absolute, it must also be right here & now. But you orient yourself on these fleeting appearances to claim you still haven't arrived there, this can't be it, this is not the full blown god awakening you once had, there is still ego and identification and blablabla. And all those teachers including Leo perpetuate these claims, reinforce your belief in a process within time that isn't fully over, you're still not done with and you need to keep on working, doing shit or to zenizize it: do nothing, walk through the gateless gate or knock from the outside to open from within. These subtle claims about your imperfection might be sugarcoatet in spiritual paradoxes to confuse you even more, so you suspect there must be something wrong with ME, so you try to get rid of yourself in quite strange ways if you think about it. Thought is a thought - there are no thoughts The spiritual search is somehow fueled by a burning desire, an avoidance/rejection of “what is“ , the feeling of “this is not it (yet), this/I am not good enough, there must be something else/better, I still feel incomplete, something is missing“. You don't go to a doctor when you feel completely healthy and you won't seek a therapist if you're absolutely happy. So you wouldn't (spiritually) seek for anything if there wasn't something that bothers you and that you want to get rid of. But seeking sucks. You want to stop seeking and finally feel home, be ok/fine with everything, be at ease/peace. So you search for the end of the search. Good look! You can go on forever, and if you resolved your own trauma, go transgenerational and then universal! If you let go of body identification, let go of conscouiousness/god identification and so on. This is fucking infinite, you'll NEVER reach an end point, look at Leo for example. If reality is infinite, there's no position to know it from. If there is ANY kind of positioning, clinging to words like Consciousness or God or Absolute Solipsism or Nothing even, if there is any definition of “Truth“ vs “truth/falsehood“ whatever, absolute relative etc., then the illusion of seperation, time, distance apparently kicks back in. You wanna let even that go? Who does it, and why? Who wants to go till the end, dissolving, reach enlightenment or full-blown god awakening? Why do you believe this fantasy of peaceful future is preferable to THIS, which is everything there is ALREADY? Why do you wanna get rid of the veils of seperation, who wants that? If (in the imagined “end“) there truly is no seperation, it must be boundless ALREADY. You're apparently mudding the water by desperately whirling around in order to settle the dust. You're hitting the waves with the paddle in order to get a still and silent sea. You're chasing your own tail. Apparently, of course. Because it's all a scripted story in a book with blank pages, written by magic ink that dissapears the moment it solidifies. This avoidance of NOW, this present moment, overloaded with fantasies offered by the spiritual marketplace, a buffett of empty temptations for a hungry ghost, where does it come from? Is it trauma, is it a psychosomatic misunderstanding, is it ignorance? It doesn't matter, it's not even real!!! It's the next story of your infinite imagination to keep you on track, looking for the root cause, the source of the misery, keeping things real, maintaining the story of the very important trauma-resolver, the open-minded psychonaut, the serious seeker and so on. You create the next identity to keep the story real that “this is not it (yet)“, to avoid the fact that this is as it is already and it may feel shitty/incomplete/whatever at the moment, but This Is It, despite of all your stories, WITH all these stories, which aren't even stories but The Unimaginable appearing as empty words loaded with a web of codependent meanings, made of illusive thoughts, reliant on other thoughts until the very “I am“, which is a thought as well as synonymous thoughts like contracted energy, ego, consciosness, self, Self, god and so on. These thoughts serve as the compass of your spiritual search, contrasted by each other and devided into (more) real/unreal representations of THIS, boxing life into a narrative of a series of serious To Dos (time) with the grandiose ability to contrast THIS with an imagined and twisted version of THIS projected into the skull of “another“ (space) like Leo or Buddha. It's a fucking joke!!! There is no self, no contracted energy, no karma, no ego, no seperation, no illusion, no awakening, no whatever - These are ALL thoughts, and even “thought“ is a thought, there are not even thoughts! There is ONLY THIS, appearing as whatever, call it whatevery, devide it into whatever, it's unimaginable, undiscoverable, unrealizable, undevidable, undescribable, it's so uncontrastable so there is no one left witnessing to even claim it is existing, YET - it is all there ever was and will be, including the Illusion of the appearance of an illusive thought about time. So what can you do about it? Who's there to do something about it? Don't you perpeatuate the story of “I am: not good enough/not there yet/not enlightened“ when you act from the very same resonance frequency of “not enough“ to overcome “not enough“, when you search for the end of the search (or the beginning)? Reminds me of “I will win this war But never the peace I am my own free spirit Hence I will not rest“ (The Invaluable Darkness by Dimnu Borgir) “Nothing holy about it“ - Seeking is (spiritual) bypassing “That's Cassical spiritual bypassing/Neo-Advaita/Non-Duality/not God-Realization“ - EVERYTHING could be seen as spiritual bypassing if you pull that card, and from this framework everything is kind of the attempt to spiritually bypass (there is no spiritual bypassing really, you can't avoid THIS, you can't run away from yourself, it's absolutely hopeless, utterly futile, this is unescapable freedom). Every approach motivation can be reframed/recontextualized as an avoidance mechanism, even mindfulness can be called out as a trauma response like Scott Kiloby points out. Untangling the web of illusions can always be like trying to step out of quicksand. So who is really spiritually bypassing? Isn't the whole spiritual path the illusive idea to find a bypass for THIS very moment? Find a final solution for your suffering? Reach a point where you have finally overcome the ego/illusions/desire/karma/etc? You think by whipping yourself you become worthy for enlightenment and can finally leave this unbearable realm of constant struggle? By accepting/letting go/mindful observing/embracing/integrating you will finally arrive at all-OK-ness? Wouldn't that include the solid idea and a lived feeling of “it's not OK yet“? So where do you think will you arrive? Would you then finally be OK with getting looped right back into the beginning of another spiritual search? See, apparently you're actually in resistance to THIS, you truly believe THIS can't be it, it must feel more enlightened/god-like, you dismiss this god-like human nature and wish for alien insanity or to finally become a cartoon wolf or whatever. And when someone says straight in your face “THIS IS IT“ you instantaniously reject it. Unconsciously you yourself actually hope for a cheat code, magic pill, shortcut by taking the position that something like spiritual bypassing is even possible and someone else is guilty of it. That you're on the right path and face your dark side. Think about it! If you were beyond it, you wouldn't get triggered about apparent others delaying their awakening, since it was clear that all of that is nothing but your own trap. Like Jesus said: “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?“ Notice that “This is it“ does not mean I am there and you're not little brother, you still have to realize blablabla... It means you're here already, bypassing is impossible, this is the unavoidable void, devoid of anything other/apart/seperate. “This is it“ is an honest reaction to bottomless claims of “this is not it“, it's the end of gatekeeping, it's the declaration of bankruptcy for the rich man who tried to enter the kingdom of heaven. There is no one who could accept it all, (s)he is not even necessary, it is already completely accepted just by BEING, emptiness/spaciousness invited it to appear so to speak, no need for an “OK!“ by you. Every “Not OK“ by “you“ is OK too, already. Nobody can practice unconditional love, This is unconditional love already. No gatekeeping by a guru claiming he's ok with everything but not accepting that you little seeker are still in resistance, trying to bypass. It's a fucking joke! These clowns are your projected insecurity about yourself, God! If there was such a thing... haha^^ Don't let anyone fool you, THIS is it, including all the suffering, drama and struggle your mind can project into a dreamed past and an imagined future. But THIS also means: All the stories melt away here, no one is left suffering from the illusion that he could have done different and life would be better, the madness of the idea that the avoidance and ignorance of pain and suffering would erease them, leaving the Full-On-Aliveness of What-Is, an unimaginable easyness and simplicity that passes all understanding. So This is it, already! You can stop self-inquirying your way around instead of telling your loved ones the truth, you can stop meditating until you are ok with being rejected by people, you can stop tripping until you feel smarter than the scientist, you can stop all these spiritual practices to avoid simply being a completely authentic human being, not better or worse than anyone or anything. Or you can go on doing them, nothing wrong with it, of course! If you enjoy it, go on! Actually, there is nobody who had a choice in the first place. There never were stories to melt aways, because that's just another story. No one suffered from the story of someone suffering from blablabla... You get it. This here, these words you read, are nothing but blablabla, birds chirping, dogs barking. They don't add into a spiritual library or steal your nuggets of wisdom. It's just a pointer that there actually is NO DIFFERENCE AT ALL between these words and a cat meaowing. Because all of it is This! It's YOU, not as an identity, just limitless being, Isness itself. Isn't it beautiful? No prescriptions - just an apparent personal wake up call So what next? Well, there's no prescription for What-Is/YOU of course, boundless freedom is just appearing the way it is. But what about the realization that you probably somehow seek something in the forum - maybe just distraction from uncomfortable feelings or body sensations, maybe approval, attention or answers to questions, whatever. Maybe you hope to find a message out there to seriously tell you: “STOP it! Enough internet for today, enough distraction, enough seeking for a better state of consciousness, enough is enough! You won't find satisfying answers to your questions when they are just based on thoughts that come and go and will soon be forgotten.“ So you may hope to find a messiah, a savior, a liberation in words, thoughts, ideas and concepts. Someone or something that will present to you the ultimate method for awakening, a spiritual insight, a good entertainment, an inspiration or aha-moment, whatever. But God is not a mistake. If god needed anything to awake itself, it wouldn't be God. You are fully liberated already, there is no need for anyone or anything, that's just a story. No next ultimate awakening video from Leo, no next word here in this thread, no next moment! These are all thoughts again, externalizing/projecting and fracturing your infinite power/sovereignity into the multiplicity within the endless hall of mirrors since there is nothing but the eternal self-referencing of the selfsame echoe(s) of nothing. Which is another thought. See, it's not IN the thoughts, it's appearing as everything, the screen, the words, the feelings, your whole bubbleless bubble of consciousness. So you (!) will never find it anywhere since it hides in plain sight - as everything. And no guru, gura or messiah would ever be able to fully point it out to you, for you - since there is literally no point(ing out) in THIS, and there's no you or any guru. Your waiting for a realization is utterly hopeless and futile, and even “so relax and let it go“ is too many words for nothing. In the appearance, you may become conscious of the potential fact that this seeking algorithm has become quite wild and dysfunctional, like an autonomous parasite eating time, energy and attention, draining the apparent ressources. And now personally from me, the guy behind “Exystem“: I oftentimes wished for someone out there, seeing my suffering, holding my hand, seeing the madness of it all and how much I got lost inside my own mind, how I meditated, contemplated, self-inquyired and tripped to finally get it (again and again) while having a fucking messy room, eating quickly and without love while consuming the next spiritual video, smoking weed “for spiritual purposes“, sleeping not enough, barely expressing my love for my loved ones, unconsciously repressing emotions the whole time while knowing that but not being able to stop because of (unconscious) belief systems like “I need to once hit rock bottom before I(t) will go up forever from then on“ or “I am not worth it, I deserved that suffering“ or “It doesn't even make a difference, that's just life, it's suffering“. I wished for someone telling me: Come on, put away your phone, clean up your room, you will soon be fine, just face your shit, I'll be with you, you are worth it! I longed for that figure, oftentimes renewing Leos blog or the forum for a message like this. Enough for today, now just face the next struggle, step by step and it will soon be over. Forget the idea of “awakening someday“ for a moment and cook yourself a healthy meal, go sleep for a good recovery. Leo said it too in other words, don't prematurely start this journey, get your ducks in a row, build up a good life and then you can still seek for the absolute. But I always wished to be adressed really direct and personally, it was never enough! And here is my very personal message to you: “FORGET IT! It won't be clearer than this. You're it already. What you seek is you, so you will not find it, there's no need for that, not even the need to realize that or to drop seeking. You just can be, you are already, it's done, it's over. It won't get more personal than this: You are your own messiah, your own saviour. When you reject/ignore that INSIGHT, a messiah will never be reflected OUTSIDE, as above so below, as within so without. You are God, your own creator, nothing and nobody knows you better than you do, not even the idea of your “unconsciousness“. You PRECISELY know what is good for you, stop kidding yourself. Be true to yourself, act authentic with your needs and weaknesses. You are unconditional love, let yourself flow. You don't need more love, love yourself, you're fucking beautiful, unimaginable wonderful, you are paradise itself! You can fuck yourself so crazily, distorted and twisted and then untwist yourself in such fantastic and infinitely genious ways again, WOW!!! Let your love for that wonder you really are overflow, give from the heart, don't fear any loss, this is empty FULLNESS, limitless free energy everywhere. You seek for that which observes you seeking for that which observes you. How could anything really go wrong?! This is a play, sometimes a tough one. But play it, that's what it's made for! When you consciously play it, you'll enjoy it, it's for your entertainment. Don't run away from the demons in this Dream, face them and see them melt back into the ocean of unconditional love. Don't try to act like a god and face the endboss at the beginning. Start with the immediate little things that are on your way. Tidy up your room, eat a healthy meal, do some sports, write those you love you love them, take babysteps. It's ok, it's good so. You're god already, no need to jump world record, take just one little step right now, that's all. You don't have to be mindful 24/7, that's fucking exhausting. You are here and now aware already, just be it, only this moment. How do you feel right now? Which needs do come up? Which way is the right way? Only now, act authentic, in allignment with yourself. What do you really want? You don't have to focus on the huge pile of shit, just focus on the present shovel and it's over the next moment. It's ok, you're good. No need to be harsh to yourself. See what a beautiful loving being receives this warm treatment from itself. You deserve paradise! Which form would you as god sculp yourself into that represents and deserves paradise? Act like it! Easily, of course. Lightheartedly You are Love yourself, beauty! Love what you love. Look at your pains and aches and see that they are just contracted forms of love. Observe them like an exotic fruit, maybe hot and spicy, bitter or sour, but worth a bite. Look at it like you became aware of it the first time in your life, ask what it wants to show you, without clinging to a way it should reveal itself. This is a magic mystery, it will unfold in strange, counterintuitive and unconventional ways never expected. Look like a child in awe and wonder how this infinitely intelligent soup cooks itself to enjoy its precious flavours. This is the unconditional WOW, and you're it! Be gentle to yourself. You created others to love them. Their purpose is to be loved by you, that's what will make them grow, sprout and love too. So be gentle to them too. Don't act upon them like NPC's/philosophical zombies the same way you don't treat your phone like a black piece of metal/plastic. Discover their full infinite potential by awakening them with (your) LOVE. No words, no acts, no experiences can awaken anyone, only LOVE can, disguised as whatever. Mindfulness is practiced love if truly understood. All of the de- and also the prescriptions above are empty words, they don't mean anything really, still birds chirping. They may seem to contradict each other, and that's ok. In the appearance, they carry a certain energy with them, a wave that can flatten or heighten or equalize other waves. These personal words were an expression of love from the wave “Exystem“ as well as the other wordwaves, apparently of course. Don't get hung up on words, stuck in thoughts, let the birds chirp and enjoy the melody, or not. Personally, I just wish the best for you, I am a mirror of your own love towards yourself. And I wish I could be there for you even more (personal), but this is just a forum, and I am just a random online guy with a full calender. But check it out yourself, send waves of love out there, spread the gospel wherever you can, so to say! See which beautiful miracles will return when you stop seeking for instant gratification and realize the bottomless fountain of Love within yourself. Express yourself, be brave! No need to hide the light. So do yourself a favour and do whatever god needs to do right now, eat a bit or take a shit or whatever. In a way, that's the most important task in the whole universe right now, easy, isn't it?“ Solipsism Lots and loads of words, but the essence is this: YOU are the only “source“ of Love, don't seek it anywhere else, give and thou will be given. If you ask about solipsism: On one hand there is no one and nothing out there that could ever possibly convince you otherwise. Think about it, what “proof“ could ever be valid? On the other hand: This infinite intelligence imagines the 100% smooth, coherent, understandable and real seeming appearance of “another“, which is mirroring your body, behavior and reported inner landscape in a perfect way. How do you think this becomes possible? Through a lifeless, mechanic, reductionistic and simple process, devoid of any feelings? Well, maybe, who could know except for you? But how would you feel if people really started flickering and lagging? See on what a sharp edge of knife you were dancing if you stick with your love to your limited sense of self and believe in a philosophy like that without really knowing. What if ALL your emotions are nothing but the language your inner parts are communicating with each other, no center of emotions, but an 360° orchestra of vivid silence. The same way you can zoom into a sensation, focusing your attention towards it, and just become aware of the potentially infinite capacity it has to reveal, morph and develop itself, while still remaining “your“ sensation, the same way your mirrored selves are an extended bodypart, never seperate from YOU, with instant effect on everything you may ever identify with. As your inverted unconscious, they may not have “a life of their own“, but who thinks it has such a thing? You? You don't HAVE a life, you're it! But you can only experience and call it that way in codependency to “other(s)“. Be grateful for everyone out there - I know, sometimes “hell is other people“, but what's lucrative about being the only one in paradise? For how long could you enjoy that? A billion years? Be careful what you wish for, don't call demons before knowing how to get rid of them again. And don't get rid of angels before knowing how to call them again. This is a masterpiece of an illusion! The same way you can become mindful with your body, get a more intimite and loving experience, get a more detailed resolution in space and time and start to simply enjoy its presence, the same way you can extend that towards others. Develop a deeper sense of compassion, and even sacrificing yourself for someone else will become a natural response to lifes' challenges. Imagine this was a dream and your apparent decisions form the neural pathway for the preferences of your next dream - when you don't love your right arm for example, you try to not feel into it because it hurts, avoid looking at it because it's ugly, you may not even get one next time. So ask yourself - what do you love most? Can you love it with all its apparent consequences? Nurture it! In my case, I really love people in general, they are not a bug but a feature to me, they may be the last thing I could give up in this illusion called life, these strange but most clear and beautiful mirrors of infinity. Clarity - by far the most clear speaker on THIS So here I have a gift for you - I was excessively bingewatching all kinds of spiritual teachings additional to my practices, with the hope to find more gems like Leo for example and the subtle fear to miss out on something important. Then I found the radical/contemporary nonduality niche, some of you are familiar with - Tony Parsons, Jim Newman, Kenneth Madden, Andreas Müller, Richard Sylvester and so on. But they all become very repititious and hung up on words like boundless or contracted energy for example. And finally, a year ago, I found emerson nonduality He's a genious in my eyes! Always fresh and new, his easyflowing poetry is music to my ears. Always eradicates the sandcastles he built up before, pointing to the rise and fall of the empire of words. You're gonna be left with nothing in the end, realizing there never was anything in the first place. He had experiences with psychedelics like ayahuasca/DMT, a background as a spiritual teacher before, knows about actualized, solipsism and is always funny and spreading good vibes while being completely authentic, no gatekeeping, as sharp as a laser knife. His one-on-ones are just BOOM!!! FULL STOP. I speak from experience. Enjoy him I'd love to see Leo talking to him but I guess that's a pipe dream. Here's his last video - a one on one: And here is one of his older videos where he talks about stuff related to solpsism. This format is an online meeting you can regularly attend (starts at minute 3):

Sorry for reviving this thread and the late answer - I was very engaged in different activities the last months and then I realized I forgot to respond to you @Anon212. I really appreciate your in-depth-answers and questions, I love people like you that are really arguing, you ask the right questions and have a great skill to point out the weak spots! That deserves an appropriate response. So here it is In my eyes a siritual teacher is nothing but a pointer, even though it can (!) be a "good one", always light the fuse at both ends, so take as many pointers as you can but then realize no matter how many precise pointers, they are incapable of pointing to the Isness of everything. It's sooo here and now that every step towards it is an illusion perpetuating the illusion of a "next step needed". Like I would try to show you to yourself and said "take a step towards yourself, go find yourself!" Would you start going? That what's pointed to is not a simple experience that can happen to a person since awakeness is not an experience and it doesn't happen to a person. "Awakening" is a story in your head telling you "this is not it but once there was/will be a time I have awoken/going to awaken" - so in that sense to an individual it becomes an experience, it turns it into a story and makes it extraordinary. But that which is everything just always is what it is - that's unimaginably simple. The ordinaryness of being god timelessly is in a way much simpler than the complicated web of illusions a human mind spins around it, though ultimately there is no difference between those two of course, which is the simplest way it could be. Even the fantastical idea of something ever being able to be "ordinary" is completely extraordinary if you think about it. But since everything is extraordinary in that sense, the extraordinaryness is nothing but absolutely ordinary - means simple, simply never not the case. You create the extraordinaryness of awakening by contrasting it to something imagined to be ordinary like this moment right now, something you take for granted. But everything is an infinite mystery, especially the sense of ordinaryness, THIS "experience" right here and now. So awakeness is simple, simply always here and now, the story of (an) awakening (process) oftentimes is a complicated, nested idea about climbing the infinite latter into meta-now, with backsteps included of course. You are imagining Ramana. Basically, I am the same as Ramana. So are you. We're stories. There is no one to be free since everything is freedom and it can appear as a person looking for freedom. "I" is always bound to boundaries, but unconditional freedom is free to appear as that, too. If I told you I am free and convinced you of it you would want that too - which keeps you trapped. Looking for freedom solidifies the idea that this is not free already. If I told you I am not free and convinced you of it, for a brief moment you would seem more contempt since you want to belief in the idea that you will become free one day and this idea is not taken away from you. But this idea gets worn out quickly. You don't actually want to become free, you want to be free. And you actually want to be free of that nasty need to be free. And you are already. Right now you are already infinite freedom appearing as "someone" wanting to be so free that you are even free of the need to be free. And so free is everything, since you're it. Yeah it's kind of a paradox. But as long as you believe you can/should/do strive for it, it won't happen either. So you're fucked. Yeah there's an apparent downside to it as with everything, of course. People (mis)interpret everything according to their developmental stage etc. Suffering is a great teacher - it will keep you going and kick you in the ass and out of your comfortzone if you stayed in one position for long enough. Every positioning is a trap, since there's nobody to localize, nothing to pin down. It's actually not said there's nothing to do but nobody there to do or not to do, which is useless gibberish for someone who wants to get something to (not) do. The teachers you listed can appear as words on a screen with a huge backup story (like in this thread on your screen), or as humans made of flesh, touchable. In both cases, there is no priveledged private absolute knowledge within them, hidden from you. Their appearance alone is already the mirroring of everything you ever sought - yourself, the absolute. It's in plain sight, everywhere. No lifetimes of spiritual practice get you here. But spiritual practice can of course and in your case obviously did happen (as a memory/thought right now) - in the story it actually seems to correlate with a dissolution of the story (there must be some story about story dissolution, too, of course). So nothing wrong with it - I am not saying you should stop it. I am just proposing that all kinds of stories perpetuate the claim for "first this or that needs to happen for THIS to finally be what's longed for", but these are illusiory thoughts. Feel free to treat them as real as they appear to you, since the thought "so then I should treat them as illusory" would of course be another one you would treat as real again. "The context that allows stories to arise" is another story of course. You can infinitely regress / go meta by introducing new concepts. Take away the word story. Call it illusion. Or thought. Or whatever. "Let go of stories" is another one. There is no access to this moment. There is no access to that which is the access, the accessor and the accessed at the same time. The idea that sometimes you are not "in the present moment" so you need to first access it shows that this "you" is coming and going, not real. Sometimes here sometimes not. Sometimes now sometimes not. The "but you can get lost in thoughts?!"- thought may arise - it's an appearance. Everything on the appearance-level is happening Right Now, the idea something has happened is an appearance happening Right Now. No escape. Never anything could ever not be now, although convincing stories may appear to claim otherwise. The conceptual overlay is precisely the opposite. It's a single one claiming there are many insanley complex nested conceptual overlays to pierce through. Or whatever "meta-one" you belief in right after this one doesn't fool you anymore. It's holograms all the way down - but actually just a single one, which cannot be called anything. No, "I" am of course not free as the character behind Exystem right now. I desire to not desire stuff, I wish lots of things to be different, I resist certain changes that I actually consider good, and all of that I don't know why it unfolds that way and why it is so in the first place, I don't have a memory about consciously willing it into being right now and sometimes an impulse arises to urgently change certain things without it asking me whether this impulse is allowed to arise or not. I am a puppet in that sense. This body is a robot, this mind is an AI. But whatever is here and now, this unconditional aliveness, the unspeakable, call it whatever you want - this boundless infinite mystery that imagines all boundarys, limits, explanations and stories - how could it ever not be free? That which has no context can never be imprisoned. And that's more or less obvious to the character/story here. But more or less is part of the everchanging story again. So it's soooo right now, that every referring to "how it is for ME" is a looping back in time trying to grasp the ungraspable, it becomes a story again. It would be a reference to a thought about the past. This infinite isness is only now and here it is free of all stories/bonds. YOU are free now, and you won't get here neither through spiritual concepts nor through spiritual practices deconstructing concepts. If they help, it's good. If nothing helps, it's peace. About me: I can just say I feel continously better and more free from year to year in general (for the last 10 years maybe), with ups and downs of course. It feels like I am in love with life. But I guess in the story it could get fucked up easily within seconds even - for the "rest of my life". You could get kidnapped and tortured for the next 10 years, you could get locked-in-syndrome with chronic pain. That doesn't "feel free" of course. But believing there are people who are EXISTENTIALLY more free than others is kind of an extra bondage in my eyes. We're programmed characters in the same improvised movie.

@Dodo Wow thanks a lot!! <3 That really touches my heart, honestly! I see the Love in your post clearly, what a beautiful gift, thank you I love how you give me the analysis - and yes, you're spot on - I am a very chaotic guy and always try to level up my information density - which can become quite counterproductive for communication. I try to implement your wise tip And thanks for the really beautiful pictures, instantly screenshotted them! I come from a very christian dogmatic background but I love Jesus too - so concerning my personal story I know he is probably one of the best tools to have positive impact on my subconscious. A dream within a dream is really nothing special, it's just an extra layer of brainfuck, but only the same actually. You're in it already so no need to get into another haha ;P

It's not possible in the way that "You" are THE religious belief so can a belief have a belief? But if you just take the idea of yourself for granted of course you can have all kinds of contradictory beliefs "at the same time" since "you" are a belief in time (which is the next/same belief) and the idea of a past where you had different beliefs is another belief so the moment you belief that there is a plurality of beliefs even possible and it's not all the same belief you buy into the whole cascade of beliefs believing in beliefs about beliefs. So you want the answer to your question? It's a belief. Who could answer the question for you in a way that you don't need to belief just another next belief ("at the same time")?

It's kinda like what I said in another thread - Why would you wanna fly when you are already weightslessness itself? Why would you wanna lucid dream when you will still be/are already dreaming? But also: Why not? This apparent existential trade-of-rollercoaster between (becoming more) real &/unreal is not real but it creates reality over and over again.

Nice post, good one thanks! I wonder when the time comes when I look at my hands in so-called "real-life" and then see them change. I am kinda scared of that day to be honest. I did lucid dreaming techniques a lot and experienced them oftentimes, but they often came and mixed with episodes of sleep paralysis, sometimes with my eyes open and sometimes closed. After some time I never was really sure whether I was dreaming the sleep paralysis or not, I installed lots of reality checks like clock or mirror watching, breathholding and self-inquiry stuff into my dreams but my dreams cranked up too, meaning the firewall/veil became less easy to pierce through. I had several times inception-style levels/layers of dream-within-a-dream-within-a-dream-within-a-dream (up to 4 layers so far) nestings. When finally one reality check worked I woke up into the next dream, being again fucking real and needing quite some time to figure out that one was one, too again. Then, one day I woke up again, apparently, not being able to move but my eyes open (sleep paralysis), tried some reality checks possible in this freezed state and became quite convinced it was real, when I suddenly started to notice book pages flattering behind me as if someone naturally skips through a book, slowly. I knida freaked out, wanting to move my head around looking what's there but I couldn't. I tried every possible reality check I could imagine at that moment and tried to calm me down - I was so aroused because at that time it wasn't long ago I watched the full hannibal series and thought there could be a slight chance of a psychopath killer enjoying my last moments in hannibal style, like skipping through the library of the victim before murdering it sadistically. We didn't lock the door at our mansion so everyone could potentially get in easily. Since none of my reality checks did work and even when it was a dream I didn't want to experience the drama because I know from experience dreams can provide a lot of excrutiating physical pain sensations and fear - like in "real life", I really awaited some kind of hannibal style death blow - imagined or "real" didn't really matter, the probability of it being a dream made it kinda more probable since that thought came tangled with so much fear which would be the exactly needed manifesting force for it to happen. But then I could suddenly move aroung my head and saw - nothing. Just my ordinary chair with nobody in it. Bookpage-sounds disappeared instantly. So I was quite relieved but at the same time even much more heavily doubting whether I am still dreaming. I couldn't sleep anyways since my heart was still beating as fuck and I was high on adrenaline so I did reality check after reality check for around three hours, moving into my bathroom looking in the mirror, cold shower, always trying to keep up the focus and memories, rechecking everything and so on - I became extremely convinced this must be "reality". So I slept again and woke up ordinarily until today. The fact that I remember everything so clearly until today speaks against it being a dream in that sense. Since that experience I skipped lucid dreaming since I didn't want to mix up the dream-world with "reality" too much, I love this life right now no matter how illusury but I don't want to get the joke too early and I am kinda scared to be honest since I intuit how much I can and maybe need to fuck myself up to be able to create something as real as this again - it's quite a horrific birthing experience everytime, traumatizing in a way, although that is just a story. Also, you see schizophrenic people out there and I am cautious not to swap to much "personal" unconscious stuff into consensus-reality, if I become the only one hearing these bookpages and even more this goes into a bad direction. So I skipped lucid dreaming, but of course there is something that loves experimenting with it, like the mad scientist in me. As god, I actually love to shock/surprise me like that even though the way is the goal, the foreplay, the crescendo, the slow build up is the juicy part and I want to prolong the orgasm at the one hand and on the other I am (and of course need to be) quite scared of the apparent "end" so there are like opposing forces at work. In the end of course there is no end which is scary in its own way but to sum it up: Beware of what you wish for. Don't call for demons without knowing how to get rid of them. That's what I say to people starting to experiment with lucid dreaming - it can become fucking real! But in a way there's nothing else to do here in nirvanaland except for a samsara-style striving to become more lucid, since "the opposite", trying to make the dream more real is actually the same.

Hahahaha I love how he responded at 6.40 "Well now that I know it won't kill me" hahaha and 8.25 "Do I wanna try it again?"

@Princess Arabia I love what you wrote <3 Spot on pointer! Although there is no pointer of course ;P To by cynic, god is a hardcore sarcast, which is ironic if you lough about it.

Absolutely true, love it <3 It's like why would you wanna fly when you are already weightslessness itself? You already imagined the jackpot, here it is, tadaaa! All these fantastically illusiory rules and boundaries are your greatest gift to yourself, this infinite groundless playground plays itself out, already. This one lady in her tripreport said it perfectly: "I realized the trauma as my superpower."

Who else but god is capable of imagining seperation?

Which god else could imagine separation from itself but you, god?

Israel should be cautious to not become too liberal, right now it's kind of a paradise for pedophile (cirminals). Google it yourself

Several reasons, in short: - zionist bible translations that caused amercian christians to believe god stil cares about and loves israel more than any other people on the world and they have legitimate purpose in whatever they're doing, lots of politicians are either jewish or (zionist) christians. Biblical Book of revalation - it states that israel plays an important role in the "End time", with armageddon and so on. Israel must be supported no matter what - mentality. - Money: weapons, huge gas reservoirs at the coast of gaza - destabilized middle east for better oil prices, Control of/over muslim powers, proxy war cash cows - strong technology bonds, especially military technology - israelis are technoloically extremely advanced, look up how many of nobel prices winning scientist are jewish compared to islamic - insane gap! - similar values and foreign policies, US cops are oftentimes trained in israel, the knee on the neck technique comes from there, many cops do a month of training there to learn from israelis how to effectively control people - they actually test new weapons there, for example extremely strong tear gas capable of killing people. It's perfect to test modern weapons like highfrequency weapons, microwave or ultrasonic for example, but also drone war - advancement of israelis new AI "Lavender" - extremely intersting for US to collect data of the AI system that targets which people to be bombed - the ai war has already begun, US wants to be at the top too, so they collaborate for sure to advvance that AI to be able to use it in their own (future) wars - some other reasons you're probably too closeminded for since you don't want to hear so-called "conspiracy-theories". If you want to know the full picture, you won't be able to not take into account that there are conspiracies happening (like throughout all the ages) and some of the theories around them are highly probable wheras most of them are complete BS. It's very hard to distibguish these two so it's a pragmatic approach to dismiss them all but it's not a pursuit in truth and the right one for a full big picture. Things will stay quite mysterious if you dismiss all of them, you then need to explain policies a lot through attributing insane levels of dumbness of politicians and improbabilities.

Right now I am in another country where I don't have access to claude-3 with my phone and no vpn -.- It was more of an attempt to add something critical to the discussion here - the problem is that the AI may pretty quickly get a grip on what you want to hear, so if you sow a tiny seed of pro-leftism at the beginning it may keep on that track the rest of the conversation. Things like "Were Stalin and Mao really leftist, liberal, and progressive? Conservatives love to say that Communism and thereby leftism/liberalism killed more people in the 20th century than capitalism and conservatism. But to what extent is there really true? [...] I don't want to bias the conclusion, but I suggest that Stalin and Mao were mostly governed by a lust for personal power and their leftist ideology was mostly empty words which allowed them to rise to power, hold power, and amass more power. Stalin and Mao simply did not have enough moral or cognitive development, nor consciousness to embody higher liberal and progressive ideals. To what extent is this backed up by the historical record of their actions? Let's try to be fair in our analysis so we don't play favorites with left or right." Or "The conservatives are cartoonishly conformist, this is obvious. But even the leftists fall into a higher order of conformity." These statements seem kind of biased in my eyes. It would be interesting how an AI would react when we reverse statements like these in general. My attempt was to make people (especially you) alert of the potential bias-echo-chamber, so a suggestion would be to frame biased questions twice with a reversed one. You're right. But he also said "I hardly see the point of speaking to humans for purposes of intellectual conversation anymore." What I wanted to point out is that intellectual conversation (like discussions) are about stuff like emotions, too. It's harder to admit to a human you're wrong than to an AI. Also, Leo is extremely advanced/ripe and I guess he has a well balanced life. I still wanted to challenge him a bit and I am also aware he is not the only one reading it - others have way less comprehension of what they lack during AI conversations. There are guys here who would copy Leos statement above out of arrogance but actually because they lack human connection. This will be the social problem of the century - people are relating to AIs much easier than to other human beings because they don't experience anything negative.

I read half of the thing until now. It's pretty impressive how well the AI does. If it was a politician, it could be capable of dominating tv discussions (though it would be required to be able to interrupt and also display dominance in body language etc.) and rocking every interview. I wonder when politicians and publicity people in general start to implement this in real life, for example wearing an earplug with an AI suited perfectly to counter tricky interview questions and so on. Despite your efforts I could still pretty well smell your liberalism bias - it would be interesting if you asked the same questions with the opposite framing like "many people claim mao and stalin to be conservatives, but..." Would the AI still validate and sugercoat you and your perspectives or would it really be a worthy sparing partner? Consider the dangers of the AI being an echo chamber and ego pleaser. I like your way interacting with it like a human but it may (contrary to your half-ironic (?) statement) be way smarter than you in some aspects and e.g. be able to trick you into the belief of being a worthy replacement for human discussion partners. Apart from overexaggerated ex-machina-style (movie) scenarios the problem I see is the following: From my point of view/experience and half-baked expertise within several fields of pschology like polyvagal-,attachment- and other theories, human discussions are actually not mainly about the rational, left-brained and logical consistency side of the the coin. Actually, they are kind of sublimations for an stone-age-style anger-expression triggered by dangerous intrusions of canonball-thoughts that may destroy the fortress of ones own belief system and therefore identity. The non- and exspecially paraverbal exchange of information between two aroused nervous-systems is the actual challenge for a discussion-master - in public also the ability to take into account the avarage developmental stage of consciousness (which is strongly correlated with the amount of trauma/stuckness in fight-or-flight or even freeze-mode) of the listeners. Meaning the same way Claude-3 perfectly plays the game of pleasing your ego while gently showing you flaws in your reasoning and enriching your perspective the real game in human discussion is much more about doing the same thing on a para- and nonverbal plane, accomodating the amount of new information (programming) not only to the (verbal) intelligence of your opposite but to the capacity of your discussion partners (st)ability to integrate the potentially threatening "code-corrections". This requires not only skill and experience but a lot of emotion-regulation capabilities, patience and wisdom on your side - you need to be able to constantly calm your own nervous system back from fight-or-flight to social mode and remind yourself of him or her being your own inverted subconscious so it's not (!) about him being wrong or stupid but actually the emotion triggered within you. That should be aim of human discussion - inspirations and rational corrections may be much more sprouting via AI but the emotional work that truly refines your ability to see (sometimes painfully) through your own BS happens between humans. Particularly with a strong ego and high intelligence ("I am way more intelligent than the average") the real work is about interacting with stupid people in a loving way and take full responsibility for consciously feeling the emotions triggered in you. They may stem from childhood trauma and the coping/compensation of it. Consider this: What if you unconsciously avoid real contact because of an early-childhood-programming that led you to believe that in the end you are always all-on-your-own and you cannot really trust others etc. It could have been that your mother read in a newspaper it's better to let the child cry until it stops on it's own before caring about it so it learns to self-regulate (extreme example). The natural reaction is the emotion of sadness, which was surpressed in the child to survive. The counterpart to sadness (contracting, going into oneself, holding back energies,) is anger (expanding, going out of oneself, releasing energies quickly). For the nervous system of the child, sadness is an extremely dangerous (existentially threatening) emotion so for the following years it does everything to surpress it and block sadness to reach over the conscious threshold -> so it rather uses the counterpart emotion which feels much safer, anger. Consider that the subtle anger that arises within you (maybe cloaked as annoyance) with every stupid comment, every stupid reasoning from an other, may actually be a cover-up of your inner child being sad to not be able to fully relate to another human being (which is what every mammal, humans especially is deeply wired to long for). Your unconscious programming constantly lets you believe that there is no other who could ever truly relate to you, when real contact happens, you will be left alone (in the end). With real contact I mean the complete transparent honest sharing of your whole inner world like all of your emotions, thoughts and body sensations. Of course there is a language barrier, but did you ever truly try to relate to another human being like that? Sharing EVERYTHING, no matter how shameful, evil and whatever? I ask you that personally because here are some reasons that would play into my previous line of reasoning: - You own an online(!) forum which entails some kind of hirarchy (you as the admin&owner and main input-giver) -> pseudo contact - not much extrovert/highly social, background of moving from russia to USA with difficulties to relate to others in the beginning, strong emphasis on working on your LP with little contact to others - strongly leaning towards solipsistic philosophy and experience +solo tripping (few or no reported occasions of switching into "other" perspectives like a real human being you're interacting with in that right moment for example) - Few display of emotions around hurt&sadness but more around anger, tendency to look down on others and considering to metaphorically "break up with humanity" - your advices around sexual contact and "socialising" seem to be very much about superficial aspects of fast need-fullfillment and strategies to cope with loneliness, being satisfied with stage-green girlfriends -> how deep was your deepest relationship really? Do you have faith you as god created a well-suited feminine Leo-pendant (the cake) or are you satisfied with the breadcrumps? - statements like "i have little trauma" -> maybe it's deep and buried, but birth itself is a trauma. You are fucking stable, but that may even hint to some kind of dense energies so to speak - going into cartoonwolf and alienmind states estranged from human contact, rather interacting with AI and disimissing discussions (trashing your idea to go to podcasts to speak about godrealization) These are quite far-fetched points, I am just guessing out of the blue and try to trigger some things in you. My point here is not about playing psychoanalyst but more to give you a real-life-example why your claude-3 conversation is nice for entertainment and enrichment of the rational mind - but is it capable of what I did here in this analysis? This is what refines your epistemology and philosophy much better than this sugarcoating echochamber imo. Imagine me trying to pull emotional triggers within you face-to-face in all kinds of ways - that's what's actually happening in all the discussions, did Claude-3 achieve that (apart from the solely positive ones)? Humans are masters in avoiding real contact with each other, we are gods ashamed and afraid of our own, the whole game only works if we don't look into each others eyes ("souls") for long enough since we then would recognise too frightening real how much of a lonely god we are, the whole play would be screwed. So nothing wrong with it. But it's a taste of its own to deeply relate to an "other" one, to share everthing possible with another human being, to loose oneself in the eyes of another. There's a method called "honest sharing", a german guy called Gopal Norbert Klein spreads it - it's an extremely simple technique but I speak from experience - done right and consistently, a really powerful one!!! It's like a community meditation. Just share all your thoughts, feelings and bodysensations in the following manner - always use these words at the beinning of each single (!) sentence: - "I think..."/"A thought arises that..." - "I feel..."/"A feeling of ... arises" - "I sense..."/"A sensation of ... arises" It's extremely important to be pedantic here, for there's a huge difference between "I feel sad because you said..." And "I feel sadnes." "A thought arises that it's a reaction to your statement that..." The division in three planes thought, emotion and sensation guarantees that one doesn't mix feelings and sensations with interpretations, feels more often into ones own body and in combination with the words at the beginning of each sentence which show the other person that one is not (so much) identified with the content but aware of it, it takes off the emotional load and potential assignment of blame. One can be in constant flow of words - even when "nothing seems to arise" one can share exactly that thought. Maybe then a subtle emotion of shame follows since one has the thought one should share stuff etc. Over the time you 1. Get really attuned to each other, nervous systems/energy levels etc. calibrate -> suddenly even very subtle shifts in body language of the other may trigger emotions in oneself, especially in groups. Like on a very still lake you can even see a raindrops waves - Never experienced such sensitivity to emotions ever in my life apart from trips. 2. You become conscious of your unconscious projections you keep for yourself most of the time. You can overwrite them with corrective experiences by directly asking the other whether your thought is true. 3. Your nervous system deeply relaxes since mammals especially humans are wired for social contact, we can almost instantaniously relax very deeply when we have social safety. 4. You build extreme strong emotional bonds and integrate lots of emotions, like shame, guilt, sadness, helplessness, anger and so on - "Just as something is bound, it's also released" - emotions are so human related, so why the fuck do people meditate lonely to integrate them?! It's insane when you think about it. "You are as long enlightened as you don't meet your family" - why don't people do emotional work in community, it's way faster and more effective than grinding yourself alone through it to then feel enlightened until "a real one" triggers you again with the same old stuff. Solve the conflict directly with the other instead of "your inner representations of them". Everything else is an unconscious avoidance mechanism driven by fear. 5. It's really a mystical experience of its own to feel full of love and gratefulness just for the mere existence of "another". It's your mirror, god! In a way your best mirror! So why don't you look into it more often? AI is another mirror but mirrors just a part of your rational mind, still it's way less whole than another human being. So I suggest to everyone in the forum - get into real life conact with other human beings - your whole neurophysiology craves it and you will lose yourself in compensation mechanisms of pseudocontact and unconsciously suffer from it. Try something like honest sharing with someone who is definitely willing and capable of it (!) and use AI solely for entertainment and educational purposes, not to compensate real contact. See discussions more of an emotional refinement technique for yourself to practice love instead of a means to an end to convince others about your world view and belief systems. PS: What if I told you that this was written by an AI, spelling mistakes included?

I have a tinnitus since several years, it's not a ringing but more like wind rushing through trees, if I concentrate on it I can almost always hear it except for when it's really loud in the environment. I didn't find a cure yet, it started when I was playing guitar between two drummers when I was young and they really smashed their drums and high hats. I found my way to cope with it when I realized it's necessary to make peace with it. I reframed it as "my private 24/7 concert" during a trip and wrote a letter to my "tiny tussi (german word like bitch)" afterwards to tell her it's okay if she stays for the rest of my life and that she reminds me to ask myself self-inquiry style questions like "who's hearing it? Where is the sound?" so I gave it a mindful purpose. Since then it doesn't bother me so much anymore (it even seems less loud but maybe just less triggering), there are days I almost completely forget about it although it's quite loud when it's silent, seems even louder than talking voices then. I hear less good than other people but if I don't reveal it people don't suspect it - I guess it's because I actually have really sensitive ears - so still loud music hurts much faster for me than others. I would be quite interested in your cure but I doubt it helps with tinnitus that came from hearing damage - there are stress related tinnituses, muscle tension or jaw misalignment types for which I belive cure or at least reliefs exist. The medical explanation for volume related hearing loss is that hairs in the aural snail break irreversibly but I am still open to healing - e.g. maybe the brain can learn and just cancel the ever-ringing frequencys from reaching the conscious threshold. Please keep us updated and thanks for your work!

Good one haha But luckily you're dead already

Hey @Anon212, thanks for your detailed reply. True, spirituality has a lot of upsides and I am a glad to have done a lot of practices. In retrospect I would claim most of the benefits if not all came from resolving trauma and caring about my body. And there are lots of good methods to do that, some of them are not even considered spiritual at all. Rupert Spira admitted in a video that he still slips out of his nondual experience from time to time. In my eyes he's not a good example because he's still hung up on a story. The idea of snapping into enlightenment at all is grandiose. There's no real enlightenment happening anytime, it's a state and a story. No one wakes up, and if you meet buddha on the road, kill him, because he ain't real anyways. Of course apparently there is a switch in perspective so to say, but that's a thought within whatever you may call it - enlightenment. It's already the case. Anyone who thinks his 20years of seeking lead to THIS or were really happening is not awake. Yeah we could talk about for days and weeks. There's lots of theories from early childhood repressed trauma to spinal fluids to chakra blockages, stuck kundalini energy, to socialization or certain overactive brain regions creating a sense of self. There are many facets to describe the problem - but the problem isn't real to begin with. A sense of self, identification - it's just what is, in the story. Trying to get rid of it may even enforce it. But maybe one day we find an easy way to cut through the bullshit instantly. Or we aren't concerned with it anymore since it isn't real and just a fleeting appearance anyways. Yeah, it's all a kind of paradox. I don't want to take a position actually like “it's all wrong“ because it's also true but just point to the fact “it's all a story and it ain't real“. Yes and no. Yeah, everyone is an individual, so your way of life and experiencing the world is different to mine. But on the other side there are no others, no one is experiencing the world, there is just THIS and you cannot contrast it to any imaginary experience “out there“. Calling it a path creates time and a goal, which is a huge story again. Whatever is happening (“to you“) right now is more instant enlightenment than buddha, Leo, Spira and emerson nonduality together - it's THIS already.

Hahaha Well I have a new hobby for you, god: Try to imagine yourself into a position where you don't know that, again.

Beautiful! That's what it's meant for. Thank you <3

Infinitely simple - Not even layers or garbage to remove That's a story too

Maybe there is a strange psychological disorder at play, just guessing... Like this one for example: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard's_syndrome The other guess would be you're kind of stuck in a bardo-state. Obviously you're suffering and I am feeling sorry for you, I hope you get well soon! In case you intuit there is a stuckness as far as a not-fully-processed awakening so to speak, if it feels like there's something missing, this can't be it, I recommend to you Emerson nonduality, search him on YouTube or better book a one-on-one, he is the guy to resolve all your stuckness, he knows what he's talking about and he's familiar with your 2D stuff as far as I can tell. But he's the endboss, if you wanna maintain a realer sense of self he's definitely not the guy, he would just push you over the line so there are no more stories and no one left suffering. He's the stop sign on your so called spiritual Path. Wish u the best!

Who or what would be the knower? Is the knower known or unknown? If the knower is known, who or what is its knower? Nothing is everything. Nothing is absolute and everything is relative. Nothing is unknown and everything is known. Just play of words. Everything is as known as the birds chirping. No meaning, no purpose, just birds chirping - not even that - whats a bird, whats chirping aside from words, thoughts? What is a word/thought made of? Other words/thoughts. What is a word/thought? Nobody knows. So nothing is known in that sense. But birds chirping appears! So its 100% known, isnt it? So everything is known like that, since it appears. But not in words, words cloud the clear seeing of what is, apparently. Which is another story, bunch of words. Go listen to emerson nonduality on youtube like you would listen to birds chirping. Hes got a lot of videos about the unknowing/unknown

If you want total brainf*ck go look for Delayed choice quantum ereaser experiment IMO thats the best way to wrap your mind around it and not step too quickly into interpretations before realizing you actually don't have the slightest clue what it is. One of the easiest ways to explain quantum entanglement via reductionistic thinking is to assume extra dimensions. But properly understood the delayed choice quantum ereaser experiment will break even that framing. Except from rare interpretations like the de-broglie-bohm Interpretation (super interesting, bohm basically describes a holographic nondual universe) which is superdeterministic, most theories had to give up the notion/principle of causality and or locality, which means they are noncausal and or nonlocal theories. Interestingly you can easily explain all the paradoxes and abnormalities via simulation theory or in actualized-terms solispism/god consciousness. The answer to all your questions is: You are imagining locality and causility therefore its not real, you are entagled with everything or to be more precise you are everything. Quantum entanglement is just a scientific breadcrump on the way towards Self-realizatiom.