Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj

Hi! I have been pursuing enlightenment for about 8 months now with 1-3 hours of self inquiry, currendly doing 1,5 h self inquiry and 0,5-1 h meditation. The thing is that this middle way is really sabotaging my school etc and it seems like I have to keep doing this for 6-18 months more because of school. After that I would like to become a monk (probably Zen, seems like it's the place where there is more sitting than talking). Anyways does anyone have any experience of living like a monk? Or have you been to a really long retreat? How was it? I really like to hear what it was like.

I experience the same thing. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm a HSP. A thing that has helped me is leaving the place for a quick 5 minute walk every 30-60 minutes.

Apparently this guy is going to show up in my hometown to sing in the church in about 3 weeks... Holy crap!

I've read that one, it was pretty okay but I would recomend "LSD: Doorway To The Numinous" and "DMT: The Spirit Molecule" instead.

It seems like everyone has written down the answer that is usually the best choice when you are growing up in a messed up family and I am currently doing the same thing because it seems to me that it's the only one that works for me. That creating your own life, getting your self-esteem back and letting go of toxic people is a good solution is something that eeveryone "knows" about. Going trough problems like this and reading about other people who are doing the same thing always get me to think about this quote: “The problem is not to find the answer, it's to face the answer” ― Terence McKenna

I wanted to have an "awakening awakening" but it left me with an awakening that I have unresolved things from my childhood and also need more life experience. Didn't expect it at all but really grateful for it! It varies from place to place. In Sogenji, Japan I think it's about one year. In Antaiji it is three years. But these places are mostly visited by Westerners in Japan. I heard of a place in Japan where a woman who stayed there wanted to stay there for two weeks, the Roshi said a month at least. At the place I lived at you can stay there for just one day of that is what you want. I'm pretty sure that in most monasteries it's not mandatory to stay for a longer time. I guess it varies if you go to the east or the west.

My girlfriend had dumped me and started sleeping with a friend of mine, childhood traump started showing up and I had free time almost 24/7 due to almost no school. I started meditating 3-6 hour per day and spent many hours in nature and my knees where injured so it hurt like hell and acceptance of all of that happened. I was thrown into some weird state and everything felt spontanious, my peronality was hilarious and I cried and laughed all day long, insights bombarding me all the time from out o nowhere. This weird state lasted for about a month I think. I was certain that it was an awakening experience but I got it comfirmed by a Zen master that it wasn't one but it was defenitely one of the most important experiences of my life. Another important experience was living in a Zen monestery for a few weeks. The living wasn't really special but what it gave me was important. It got me what I needed but not what I wanted.

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I can relete to this very much. Personally I have been feeling the same way. I used to love learning by reading books but when people got a little freaked out duo to learning about "not normal" knowledge or hey wtf this guy is reading about psychology, how society works and history I guess that I started to supress my drive for learning. It kind of became a shadow actually, now I can see why I got bad vibes by a guy that lived in a Zen temple who talked about a lot of things he had read in books... Lately I have been seeing a therapist and begun to process some conditioning, pretty simmilar to the conditioning you mention. It seems like my drive to learn is comming back, it feels more authentic. This week I have been feeling a drive to learn stuff again, especially history and regular psychology. I didn't expect this at all! Processing conditioning and getting stuff on the surface, telling my parents how I have felt during my childhood about living in an unstable family, and in the process raising my self esteem seems to be working for me. But of course just starting reading a lot will give you a little bit of resistance that you will have to work trough but I think that that's the easiest problem to overcome. HUG!

Being vulnerable and getting judged for it.

Experiences from the past that is limiting your ability to function. Stuff like shaming, blaming, feeling unworthy, beeing supressed etc. Shadow work.

What's been the "worst" and most challenging part of pursuing enlightenment for you so far? Do you plan to shoot videos on trauma?

Daily practice is super important! Try getting of your sitting being mindful instead of doing some "oh shit the alarm rings thank god let's go!" Highly reccomended!

Guys... It would be great if you just took a break from the web to walk a little bit in nature and sit for a while before going deeper into this discussion. Or not...

Pain works so fucking good for meditation, it' almost retarted. But on the other hand 15 minutes ago I dropped into Samadhi during the end of an orgasm

So I decided to start NoFap again but first do a last fap for the upcomming night. Tried to surrender as much as possible during the orgasm... Little did I know that I was about to drop into Samadhi as the orgasm was about to end. OHHHHH MY GOOOOOOOOOD! THAT WAS SO FUCKING RETARTED!

The End of Your World is a realy good book to handle this shit. I reccently had one of the most brutal week in my entire life with all this stuff and now I'm home and small reading the book again and Adyashanti has some great wisdom about this. I have bought Shinzen Youngs new "The Science of Enlightenment", haven't read it but I have looked that he will talk about it. Currently home for a week but going back to a Zen monestery in a while, the Roshi has helpe me to "convince" me that I am not going insane and it has been really helpful, especially when the awakening shit starts to get physical but it sure as hell is dealable without a master. Many people have done it alone, masters and students and now you are here. Good luck and check out Adyashantis book, it's retartedly insightful in these matters and I can't recommend it enough! And of course you have psycadelics. I don't really know about the quitting school thing... You can make some crazy shit when you have this... Personally now that I'm home for a week I have been playing video games, eating chocolate to supress insights, LOL. Just wait it out... Taking walks in nature instead of just meditating harder has helped a lot for me, I have also heard that physical exersice might be a really good idea by a guy who has been sitting for over 15 years but I haven't verified that due to poor health. Experimentation my friend!

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I just have to share this with you!

I have done meditation and then combined meditation and sel f inquiry and then i just went ful inquiry and now I'm back to both. I would reccoment both but more inquiry.

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