Rebecca Kalamata

February 4, 2020

5 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Hearts are never evil, they are always hurt/broken

Thanks, Tsuki, I couldn't have said it better. I can imagine Jesus on the cross feeling the pain physically for all the mental pain we bear and crying out, "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do". I thought all my life that he meant,"This nailing of me to this cross". I didn't realize that he meant for all the malakias (directly translated = masturbation, English = bullshit, nonsense, trouble, stupidity, selfishness etc.) that as a species with CONSCIOUSNESS we do.

I'm still working on evil though. I understand it and can forgive it from a distance. Personally I have never recognized evil having been done to me, again it goes back to always having taken responsibility, (God if you let me do it my way, walk up to the abyss and have a peek in, I'll never forsake you ie. I'll never stop seeking enlightenment, as with a billion year contract in Scientology, which would be climbing into the abyss which is not ENLIGHTENMENT/CONSCIOUSNESS/GOD. Part of the deal was my NOT climbing in ie. God keeping me safe.)

Marcus Aurelius , "who for reasons of state possibly sanctioned the persecution of Christians". How does a man as actualized as he was sanction such? To me, no matter, Christians, slaves, gladiators, other lions, dogs in dog fights, roosters in cock fights, warriors on a battlefield, it is all the same. JP referred to the prisoners in Auschwitz and the abhorrences done unto them. I AM FEMALE IN THIS INCARNATION! I cannot bear even the thought of so much pain.

Maybe it's just co-dependence.

February 3, 2020

I have had concerns about people posting mental health issues under Self Actualization and some of the other threads since Leo states someplace (in the guidelines?) that this site is not a place to solve serious mental health issues. He has however cut some slack and there is a section for that.

If you are concerned that you might be facilitating too many people's procrastination when they could better be using their time for doing the work, go back through your content, count your posts, see who is replying, see if you are making use of advice you are getting and consider perhaps sending emails to people who are helping you a lot. If you are not receiving useful advice or are not researching advice, BINGO. And if you have Serious Mental Health issues, consider using the section that has been provided for you.

In the meantime here's a video for you. It knocked my socks off.

Another thing you can consider doing and then act on is to write even more about the things people are suggesting that are enabling you to progress. Do positive reviews on videos like the one I just linked. If you haven't already, go into the Serious Mental Health Issues and begin helping people that are there.

@awakenedsoul444 How old are you?

February 3, 2020

Taking responsibility means that you made a choice. One cannot avoid making choices. If I reach out and pet my cat he will wake up and then walk on my keyboard. If I leave him be I will be able to read and write more in this forum. If he wakes up then I will listen to a Leo video instead of spending time in the forum. There are consequences for either choice. Consequences are not punishments. They are what happens as the result of a choice. Better to be as conscious as possible in choosing. More consciousness = being more the cause of consequences. Less consciousness = being more the effect of consequences.

More consciousness = more awareness of All That Is/GOD.

Taking responsibility has nothing to do with guilt or self-blame. The logic of many forms of Christianity is peculiar. Count the galaxies and then reconsider that a Supreme Being is judging. Surrendering to impulses will happen.

Read Marcus Aurelius. It's only 99 pages and an easy read considering that a Roman emperor of the 2nd century wrote it. Leo has mentioned it in at least one video and he highly recommends it. You will find guidance in this little book.

Keep watching/listening to Leo's videos. Sometimes I think that people are not doing so and are spending time in the Forum instead. I think I'll pet my cat. Adios!

February 3, 2020

Ho'opopono. 100% responsiblity for what shows up. WITHOUT GUILT AND BLAME.

January 31, 2020

Great job! You write well. I am happy you are moving on with your intention and I appreciate the background that you have provided.

I think you will get a kick, maybe some kick starts from the stuff that I write. Points to ponder anyway. Thanks for Following me. That's cool.

I am leaving Greece on Feb. 20th until July 5th. Experientially everything will change for me. I intend to keep listening to Leo and writing when I am back in California but I have a lot that I want to accomplish once I'm there so we'll see.

It's a really fun thing for me to interact with people on a level playing field such as in this forum. I spent a summer once on a beach near where I grew up which was pretty hard to get to. It was called Sacred Cove or Sacreds. Nobody wore bathing suits or clothes so pretty much nobody was defined by the outward trappings. It was really cool because neither was anybody hitting on each other or hooking up and nobody cared how old people were or what they did for a living. It was post-hippie days so I was really lucky to have the chutzpah to get myself there and to make friends. This forum reminds me of Sacreds and being naked in the sun.

I have a few things that guide me that I want to get down in writing now in case I don't get back to them.

#1. Don't do anything in life that I must suffer the consequences for for the rest of my life. For me that has been in this order (Note that left myself a lot of room.)

a. pregnancy

b. drug addiction/alcoholism

c. prostitution

d. prison

#2. Don't deliberately hurt anyone for any reason and if I find myself using someone, be hyper-aware of it and cut it out.

#3. Be aware that old friends are hard to come by.

#4. Be aware that each person that I encounter might turn out to be an old friend down the road.

#5. Take 100% responsibility for whatever shows up.

a. Do not blame.

b. Do not suffer guilt.

I have stories to tell related to these "Guidelines". Maybe I'll get to them. Have a great day!

January 31, 2020

Really it's embarrassing about me and technology and social media and forums etc. I mean for example that I don't know why everybody makes up names in forums (is it done in all/most forums?) Is it like a cute thing or are most people concerned about anonymity? This is rhetorical, I don't really care. I'm just saying though. I just go through life la ti da and then I find out that people are DIFFERENT. Ha! I used to think it was me. Waa waa waa, but I'm different. Now it's pretty clear that it is them.

So if someone happens by here and is curious about The Kalamata Beach Walk that I posted, they have to click 'watch later', and find it in their Youtube watch later list.

Thanks Leo for your blog about Lightworkers. As usual, I can't figure the synchronicities out cause this is a theme that's been on me all day cause of something my niece posted.

Misdiagnosing Gifted Children and Adults (2013 rerun)

From: Psychology In Seattle Podcast

0 0 about 1 year ago

https://www.spreaker.com/user/10958640/misdiagnosing-gifted-children-and-adults?fbclid=IwAR1cz62UAZ3oDC2u

An awful lot of people that listen to you and comment seem REALLY bright and really struggling.

January 30, 2020

Hello, I hope that you follow through with writing your journal. Please don't get hung up with making it perfect. You probably have a lot to say about what you are experiencing, thinking, feeling NOW and wanting to start this 'right' like in a book, might stymie your process ie. starting at all.

Leo talked in one of his videos about 'One Note'. I was happy to find it built-in on my laptop and it's a no brainer for writing stuff that I plan to use in 'MY BOOK' someday. It is actually a great place to write a journal.

That said though, it's kind of fun and interesting to think that others might actually read my journalling. Which is why I am commenting to you and Following you already. Actually, not that many people appear to be actually reading what I write and WAAAAY less are commenting.

I tend, especially lately, to take up every opportunity to connect with people. I have a lot to say about this AND I might write about it in my journal. Have a great day. This is a great opportunity to express and explore yourself.

Here's a picture of me from last summer having the time of my life. I'm the lady rider.

January 28, 2020

Shit, there are a couple of things going on with me. The first thing is that Leo is filming again and

I KNOW ALL OF THIS

So a few years ago I started saying, "I want to know how IT/GOD works".

So I started working/processing within. I've been over most of this in my comments and journal entries. And then I came to Kalamata and woke up to Leo on the wall talking about Spiral Dynamics. So He/YOU/GOD/LEO says stuff and I'm like, "Of course. I KNOW THAT".

GOD IS SO SIMPLE

When my helicopter starts to fall (I will miss you Kobe), I will say, "Well here it is". That's what happened when I saw we were about to slam into that car that facilitated my remaining here in Kalamata. "Well here it is".

So there it is and here I am. So I as God, am perfectly aware that it doesn't make any sense to prefer one thing over another. It's all the same. I am the GRAND IMP!

So the next thing is that as GOD and as Rebecca, I listened to your/Leo's video about psychedelics and I have changed my mind about doing mushrooms at the "Beach Life Festival". Thank you. That would possibly not have been a great idea. Now, where to do some. There are little kids in my Redondo home. Where do I go to trip if I decide to? I wouldn't mind a guide. Maybe in Ojai I can make some hook-ups. Please contact me if you have any suggestions. Peace out y'all.

I am here for you Leo, part of your manifestation. That ain't no joke manifesting 80,812,855 views. Who does that?

January 28, 2020

Dear Voula,

Leo has a video called, "Self Love". I fell asleep listening to it and this is what was on my wall this morning. I have listened to so many of his videos that I forgot that I had already heard this one. It played through while I was sleeping and I woke up to the comments being displayed. How funny. This is the one that I mentioned on the bus last night when you said that you wanted to send him a love letter and I said that I already did.

I wrote in a comment to his 'Self love' video: "You’re wrong Leo. I love you every time I listen to you or think about you. I think about your commitment to this work that you do. I am astounded by the preparation that you do. I love the originality of your style of presenting your information. I love your self-revelation. I love your courage and honesty.

It’s possible that if I met you I wouldn’t like you. Maybe you would be too this or that. Unlikely, because I like everybody. If they rub me wrong I feel empathy for them because I know that they rub probably rub most people wrong and that I am witnessing the pain they feel all the time. At least I get to go away from them. They can’t and they most likely won’t figure it out for quite a while unless somebody loves them in spite of themselves. Or on the other hand, maybe they are revealing something to me about myself. Ho’oponopono. Thank you, I love you, I’m sorry, forgive me."

Then my friend (Thetis called her Becky2, I figured that she didn't like being Becky2, might have an envy thing going on that she was struggling with. so I said Beckytoo was better) sent me a message. You know me, I ended up preaching. I wrote:

"Loving my neighbor doesn't mean that I have to allow them to abuse me. Nor does it mean that I have to act against them out of reaction, defense, protection, and fear. People pretty much don't want to be told things though. Maybe you see that in people that are hard for you. People want to figure things out themselves when they are ready to. Good thing we have eternity to figure it out in huh?"

She replied: U mean instead of acting against them you choose indifference?....anger first..then indifference... meaning that that way the anger over the abuse doesn't eat u up?

I replied: No not indifference, love. Just like the man said.

She said: "Just like the man said?"?... hahahaha!

I said: The problem with a lot of Christians is that they don't believe in Christianity.

I have so much to say about Christ. Maybe I am missing my calling and should go to Divinity school and get a license to preach. I could go down to the beach and start preaching to the seagulls! It's tough going. Leo now has 80,801,554 views. I wonder how it went for Jesus when he first started out.

Leo says that we are all GOD. You are not going to like that part. Never mind. He's just a guy, just a teacher. One might say that another whole point is to learn what the teachers have to say and make up one's own mind.

I say that Jesus was a MAN. Let's say that Leo was right and that Jesus was a man is right. Woooaaa! That means Jesus was GOD! Now that sounds kind of familiar.

It's all this 'perfection' of Jesus that messes things up for people. The dude went into the Temple for crying out loud, and threw a temper tantrum. Now I am not touching the walking on water, the raising of Lazarus, the changing of water to wine, the feeding of the multitudes, or the Resurrection. I'm just saying that we can actually act/feel/be like Jesus and that is the whole point of Christianity.

Deifying Jesus has given people an excuse not to practice what he taught. And the problem is that it goes against our BIOLOGICAL nature to do so. Witness 'The Selfish Gene' by Richard Dawkins,

Leo is filming another awakening/trip again so I gotta go.

January 24, 2020

Below is the text of the speech that the mayor of Redondo Beach, Bill Brand, gave the other night at Redondo Beach's first MLK Day celebration. He said that it took him four hours to actually write the speech, but a lifetime of learning and studying about MLK to be inspired to craft it.

Bill was at the same high school as me in the early 1970s. The area in which we lived and went to school was privileged and all white. It refreshes me to learn that I was not the only one at that school who was applying themselves to black history and figuring out what had and what was going on. I remember rushing to introduce myself to the only black girl to enter our high school. Then I realized that this in itself was a form of prejudice. This was the year after MLK was killed. It was two years into my Group years, it was the hippie years, the Vietnam War years, the OMG Nixon years, the women's lib years. Up until that point I had wanted to "help poor inner-city black kids" when I grew up. Being confronted with the difficulty and depth of my own racial prejudice, I let my dream go and stumbled on.

Years later when I was about to graduate with a BA in Clinical-Community Psychology, I learned that Los Angeles Unified School District was hiring just about anybody with a BA to teach school, due to a shortage of teachers, due to all the immigrants, legal and illegal, and primarily Mexican, Guatemalan, El Salvadoran and Nicaraguan that were inundating the school system. These hirelings would receive on the job training and full beginning teacher salary provided they complete 2 years of course work to earn their California State Teacher Credential. By then I had figured out that #1, I was far better at talking than listening, and #2, that I really didn't like being around depressed people. So much for becoming a therapist. So much for why I became an inner-city school teacher.

Of import to me now is that I accidentally found myself doing that which I had originally intended to do and for a far more valid reason. I needed a well paying and fulfilling job. And there was nothing else on the horizon. (I never have figured out exactly what a degree in Clinical-Community Psychology had prepared me to do) One might exclaim, "But that's a selfish reason! Your original desire to 'help the poor black kids' was far more socially conscious and worthy." Yes but as Leo is fond of saying, it was very tricky. I like to call a spade a spade and not a digging implement. But there is a major theme here of manifestation. I have REALIZED ALL my core underlying themes. I only half facetiously say now that the only valid reason for therapy is to figure out what you are afraid of lest you manifest (continue to?) manifest it.

To many of my readers (ha, well to you one or two of my readers) my journey perhaps seems like it has taken a long time with way too much strife and way too many side trips. It has. But SERIOUSLY what else is there to do? God willing and the levee don't break, it will take all of us a long time. But check out this perspective: I was born Blue, I teethed on and then fought through Orange, I saw the fallacy of Green, and Allah be praised, God bless me, and thank you oh Force. Maybe, maybe I am actually about to rocketship through Yellow cause yes Horatio, I will get my hands on all kinds of psychedelics.

How is this possible? I could fall on my knees and kiss the feet of every illegal immigrant that braved that river, crossed that desert, let themselves be packed into the backs of those trucks. Without them, I would not have the savings, the pension, or the health care plan that enables all of this manna from heaven to befall me. I would not be realizing my REAL dream, that of actually, really, living a bi-cultural/two world life. While I was teaching, days would go by without me seeing another caucasian face except in the cars traveling past me heading to or from work. My friends and colleagues were all either African American or Hispanic, as were all of my students. This was an honor for me. It was an honor to be accepted into their worlds, to be given the opportunity to abolish to the core, all traces of culturally implanted ethnic and racial prejudice. So once again, I fuck all taboos in the ass. One's adherence to taboos does not define one as being a 'good' person.

Anand and Michael discussed something in the video in Leo's blog that has been in my awareness since I saw Trump on the stage just after he learned of his election. It was just a moment in which he kind of gazed around and said to himself, "Huh, I'm the President". Boy did I get it that we were in some serious trouble. And the trouble is not Trump. The trouble is that 'you people' whoever you are, elected this buffoon over Hilary Clinton who for better or for worse is/was more qualified to do the fucking job than anyone who has ever lived in any democracy on this planet. OMG. And I immediately got it that Pandora's box had been opened. The problem is not Trump. The problem is that the next Devil, if our world consciousness does not beat him back, will NOT BE a buffoon. And it's gonna look like, "AND HE'S OH SO GOOD, AND HE'S OH SO KIND. AND HE'S OH SO HEALTHY IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND".

As Neale Donald Walshe said, "Wake up, wake up, wake up".

Follows is Bill Brand, mayor of Redondo Beach, California's, MLK Day speech

MLK Day 2020 - Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Good evening everyone,

I’m so very honored to be here speaking as the Mayor of Redondo Beach on our first annual celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

I’ve been studying and reading again about the history of the atrocities committed against African-Americans that started when they were first kidnapped from their homeland and brought to America about 400 years ago. Since that time, America’s march toward true freedom and equality for all has been a tale of Two steps forward and One step back.

The Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776 declaring:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

Two steps forward…

While the Declaration of Independence was two huge steps forward, it was followed by a Constitution which included the Fugitive Slave Act, the 3/5 clause and allowed the international slave trade to continue for another 20 years.

One step back…
I guess equality was not that self-evident at the time.

I’ve learned one can trace the life of Frederick Douglas in the 19th Century to get a sense of the type of persistence it takes to get to justice. He was born a slave in Maryland in 1818. And after being orphaned, enslaved, beaten and rented-out, he escaped to New York City at the age of 20. From these humble beginnings, he became one of the greatest orators, writers, thinkers, and statesmen that America has ever known. I encourage everyone to read up on the life of Frederick Douglas.

While obviously a leader of the abolitionist movement, he was also an opponent of Abraham Lincoln in the early part of the Civil War because Lincoln had not yet made the war about, 'freeing the slaves'. But Frederick Douglas quickly became a huge supporter after the Emancipation Proclamation and Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

Two steps forward…

But then after the Union victory and the assassination of President Lincoln, Andrew Johnson took over as President and lectured Frederick Douglas that black people were responsible for the war, that they will never gain political rights like voting, and that they should colonize somewhere outside of the United States.

One step back...

Frederick Douglas carried on anyway though, and pushed for what became the Voting Rights Act and the 15th amendment of the Constitution, giving black men their right to vote.

Two steps forward…

I don’t have time to go through the whole history of America’s start/stopping on our way to true equality, but I do know we’re not there yet.

The 20th Century leader who encapsulates our true essence of freedom and equal representation for all and the persistence it takes to get there, that we are here to celebrate today, is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

He orchestrated several two steps forward in his 39 years with us and witnessed and suffered several one step back events. But through it all, he maintained his perseverance and his faith in our basic humanity and was never afraid to say it loud and say it proud.

Like Frederick Douglas of the 19th Century, Dr. King was our great orator, writer, thinker and statesman of the 20th Century.

Many don’t know that there was an assassination attempt on Dr. King in 1958. A lady stabbed him in the chest at a book signing in Harlem, and only emergency surgery saved him.

One step back…

10-years later, in 1968, his flight to Memphis was delayed due to a bomb threat. He made it in time anyway to give his “I’ve Been to the Mountain Top” speech, the day before he was assassinated. Let me read an excerpt from that speech:
“I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!”

Two steps forward…
The very next day he was assassinated by a white supremacist.

One step back…

20 years later, in 2008, we elected Barack Obama to be our first African American President. I’ll call that 3-steps forward. Can I get a hallelujah?

But here we are in 2020, with white supremacists Nazi sympathizers marching through the streets of Virginia inciting violence and carrying torches saying things like “Jews will not replace us.” And a US President reacting with statements like: "There were very fine people on both sides."

One step back…

There is no doubt in my mind that this recent empowerment of those who oppose equality and freedom for all in America will be met with two steps forward. I don’t know yet what those two steps forward will be, but there will be two steps forward.
I know this because I trust America, and Americans will not stand by for this.

The essence of America is embodied in the likes of Frederick Douglas, Abraham Lincoln, and Dr. Martin Lurther King Jr., who has instilled in us the belief, “We as a people, will get to the promised land.”

Thank you to all that made this celebration possible here in our little part of America, especially to the Community Engagement Board of the RBPD for the vision and activism to make this event happen.

Happy MLK Day everyone!

In Redondo Beach 72.91% of the population is White and 3.00% of the population is Black or African American. Still.

January 22, 2020

It's bloody embarrassing but I think that I got my beach walks in one way or another.

January 22, 2020

1 minute ago, Rebecca Kalamata said:

Just now, Rebecca Kalamata said:

My Pier in California

January 22, 2020

Tsuki, I am brought to tears today by the beauty, the glory, the grace of my life. My appreciation overwhelms me. Me?! Why me? How me? It is all just unimaginable.

Co-dependence is a theme that keeps hitting me in the face EVERY Fucking DAY. As I was marveling at everything an hour ago as I was CLEANING THE HOUSE (cause I felt like doing it), I thought of your wife and I thought, "I am here in this thought for Tsuki's wife!" But I warn you, I have this whine that I just won't let go of, "Nobody listens to me! Waaa, waaa, waaa!" It's beginning to wear thin and shows signs of being let go of, anyway, I got it the other day about co-dependence and I wrote, which we have a bit of discussion about:

"The only thing left that plagues is the f-ing co-dependance. I can see it's an ego thing though and that I am not effective as long as I am coming from ego. I'll be letting that go soon too though."

And God said, "Becky! It is not about you!" Hugh? Not about me? Well I umm, knew that, ummm, but I thought .... Ahhhhhhh... I mean... What the fucking hell do you mean it's not about me? Fucking explain that! How am I supposed to figure out, let alone live my life's purpose and it not be about MEEEE! You have rigged this fucking game and left me to figure out all the rules which I didn't buy in the first place. I spend my entire life fucking your fucking rules, in every fucking way that I fucking can, and now you say it is not about me?!" "Yes Little One, first of all, they are not my rules, and you said that if I let you do it your way, if I let you learn the truth of EVERYTHING, and if I let you walk up to the abyss and keep you safe, that you would not forsake me. And so I have. And so have you. And isn't it GLORIOUS?!" I got the lesson of it not being about me from Neale Donald Walsh. I made my deal with my God/Self when I got kicked out of Scientology. Who gets KICKED OUT OF SCIENTOLOGY?

So Tsuki, it's kind of like what they say about childbirth, once the baby is there a mother forgets all the pain. It has not been pretty, but neither has it been ugly and I have never, ever been a victim.

Every single thing that I have wanted I have manifested starting from when I first became conscious at about the age of 10. (Same time that I lost my virginity). I am not talking about material things, I mean developmental things of my soul. Often I didn't know what it was that I wanted but usually I did. My cult experiences (Christianity, Group, Scientology twice) have been invaluable in terms of consciousness-raising, but it was really hard to differentiate myself from the group think.

You mention your discomfort with the way that I share things so casually from my past. Another thing that I am struggling with is my people being so PRIVATE about themselves. I wrote to one of them in hopes of getting her to LISTEN to me, that I teach by self-revelation. I learn from self-revelation too, I have done nothing that the rest of you haven't done or wanted to do. And now I want to cry out to you, "You don't have to do that! I have already done it!" And so I come to comprehend Christ and compassion. Imagine the presumption! Imagine the gift!

I decided to post in your journal back then because you were the only one who replied to me. You reached out. Perhaps the better wonderment is why only you and one other have replied to me. The reason that I continue to communicate with you is that you are all over the place in the forum.

Between you and me, when I arrived in Kalamata and everything unfolded with regards to how I can create my, "Health, Wealth, and, Consciousness Raising Center right here, and that I have been coming here for 10 years and didn't see it, I was really stunned. And then I immediately stumbled upon Leo and also bought a business course model, and I received my cat, and a bunch of other things showed up one after another. Part of the initial vision was that I saw Leo doing a workshop here. So I am trying to get his attention. So I kind of have to stand out from the crowd for better or for worse. The guy is just a kid, YOU are just a kid. It's so funny. It is so gloriously funny. Really I get it about there only being now and I am simultaneously the same person that I have always been, seeing you 30 something guys as being oh so powerful and seeing you all as just a bunch of kids with such a ride in front of you. The important thing is that you are creating the fabric of your lives from your hearts' desires AND your fears. SO GO BOLDLY INTO THE NIGHT AND FEAR NO EVIL. Don't be one of Leo's devils. Be bold and brave and know or learn that you have the right of it in your self, and that Ego/I, is just a bunch of crap, a protection. And there is nothing to be protected. Unless of course, you think that there is.

I will probably put this whole letter to you in my journal. I have expressed a bunch of things that are important to me.

The way to help your wife over her jealousy is by sharing everything, by being completely transparent. If you aren't comfortable with that then you are at the reason why she is jealous. If she is not interested then it is most definitely on her to get over herself. I might start a thread about co-dependence. I haven't started any threads yet I don't think. I didn't really know how! It's so funny! Waa, waa, waa, nobody replies to me! Thanks Tsuki. You are just alright.

Oh, yea! I am out of my mind with excitement. I am returning to my other home in California pretty soon until July. I live at the beach there too (WHO GETS TO DO THAT?). Last year they started a music festival within walking distance of my house. I have never been to a music festival! I will go alone and run into scads of people from 50 years of being in that area. Pot is legal there now and my brother grew us some plants while I've been gone. I will try to score some mushrooms and begin a new phase of exploration if I want to go in that direction. I will dance for 3 days and nights among a thousand people and NOT have to sleep with them all. Hahaha! I'm rolling on the floor laughing. It will be about a week before my 65th birthday. Happy Birthday Becky! Rock on!

May 1-3, 2020 at Seaside Lagoon Redondo Beach, for the 2nd annual Beachlife Festival! A 3 day musical celebration of Southern CA beach culture. Beachlife festival.comLineup

The pier in this video has figured mightily in my life since 1967. From about 20:00 in the video, to the right side of the fence is where the festival will be held. Last year I was on the rocks to the left enjoying Ziggy Marley and the sunset but on the outside, unable to look in. Later when the sun went down, Willie Nelson came on another stage and I found a sign to climb up on that nobody else noticed cause it was up so high. I tell my husband all the time, "Don't worry what people think! I am invisible!"

January 22, 2020

GROUP
It was 1968 and a lot of kids were starting to act out with drugs and rebelling. So much was going on! So much drama, so much excitement. I wanted to be part of it more than anything else but I was only 13. 13 going on 20 as my mom always says. The sex, the move to California, the jump into the upper class, my father and his influence, my mother and hers, and my God! The times! It was a cocktail of life, pretty much all of a sudden.

Parents had absolutely no idea how to cope with us. A man named Jim Brennan was hired by Palos Verdes Unified School District to help the kids. Jim was a psychologist who brought his program, "Group Dynamics" to the district. He started an afterschool group at Palos Verdes Continuation School with kids who had been kicked out of Palos Verdes High regular school and he started a group at Malaga Cove Intermediate School. He also had a group of college kids in a private practice in Santa Monica, on the other side of Los Angeles.

Jim got the school counselors involved and they recommended and recruited the first kids. I was one of them and very proud and excited about it. We gathered after school in the teacher's lounge, a special room reserved for the teachers only. Couches, carpets, nice. Not a classroom. Jim had us go around and introduce ourselves and say how we were feeling. What a shock! We immediately learned that we didn't know how to do this! We didn't even know how to identify how we were feeling! Jim did not accept, "I feel good." Or bad, or nice or fine. We learned to be more specific and to identify what "good" was. Happy, excited, grateful. And bad; angry, lonely, sad. Jim was tough in his demand that we be clear in identifying and saying how we felt.

The fundamentals of the group were really important to me. And they remain really important. I always know exactly how I feel and have always known since 1968. The next thing we learned was how to look at each other in the face when we talked. And then to look at each other and talk to the other person about what we saw. And then how we felt to hear from the person talking to us.

It went something like this...

"I am happy today. I'm excited to be here and I want to respond to Karen." Then, "Karen, you look happy and I really like your hair." And Jim would prompt us to be more specific about what it was we liked. So then from Jim, "How does that make you feel Karen? Tell her how you felt when she complimented you."

Jim introduced the idea of "sponsors" to us. Everyone in the group had a sponsor and everyone was a sponsoree. The sponsor had to call or talk to their sponsoree every day. They had to find out how the sponsoree was feeling and generally how their day went and how things were going at home and in school.

They also had responsibilities with their sponsoree in Group. Jim had begun to expand the group's objectives. Now we began to learn how to have relationships with each other. And terms like reality and confront as in facing reality and confronting our feelings and each other were introduced. Confronting our issues within our families and between each other became the focus of Group. We met after school for 2.5 hrs. 3 times a week. The sponsor's job was to "bring up" ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING their sponsoree was not bringing up themselves. The focus and objectives were to feel our feelings and to express them...NO MATTER WHAT OR HOW HARD IT WAS.

We learned to look deep and deeper still within and to speak about it. We cried and screamed with and at each other. "HOW DOES IT FEEL WHEN YOU....WHEN SHE… WHEN THEY…

And we went deeper and deeper into our relationships with each other. We learned about how people transfer their feelings. About how we could have love for someone and rather than preserving that feeling specifically for them and sharing it, how people give their love away to others. We learned about manipulation and how we manipulated each other and our family members and how we were manipulated by them. We learned about what was valid, true and real. And we called each other out on EVERYTHING.

A big deal was "selling out". We learned that people sell themselves out all the time to get approval, especially from parents. And that parents manipulate kids all the time and we learned all the many reasons why and how. And we screamed hate about it and held each other afterward. And loneliness, we learned all the ways we try to run from loneliness. And about getting attention in invalid ways.

We learned about being self-centered and about being jealous and envious. We learned about possessiveness of people and about how NOBODY OWNS ANYBODY. Not a mother or father, not a boyfriend or girlfriend, not a best friend, not a husband or wife. And we learned all these things EXPERIENTIALLY in the group.

When school got out Jim announced that we would be meeting every day. He had made arrangements to use the school auditorium. The high school and college kids joined us. We had our original core groups of our age level people that he began to call by Greek letters. Alpha Group, Beta Group, Gamma Group, Delta Group. Then he started leadership training groups and sponsorship, training groups. Every day we had huge, "Encounter Groups" in which we would keep it real to the moment and respond to people we barely knew from the other groups.

I have not tried to explain any of this to anyone. It was an incomprehensible thing to be involved with and to my knowledge nothing like it has ever been done before or since. We were committed to being real, being completely honest in and about everything, being able to face and confront any and every invalid way we were acting or being treated.

It was hard. Really, really hard. Day after day. Jim pressured us to bring in new members, family, friends, other kids from school. That first summer there were 50 or more of us at one point. But Group was definitely not for everyone. Kids dropped out all the time. And when they left they badmouthed Group. And if they were our friends they'd bother all the time about how could we put up with all that shit and that we were being controlled. Actually, before Group I had begun to make a few friends. I lost them because of Group.

Another hard thing was that we were expected to be doing well in school. When school started up again Jim introduced, "Lifestyle Training groups". We had to meet at lunchtime with one of the kids who had been around the previous year as the Leader. Each kid had to report on their homework and grades. Then we had to talk about what kind of cultural things we were pursuing. What books we were reading, what movies we saw, how much TV we watched.

Because of the the intensity of Group and all the kids who had dropped out, it became very controversial and Jim's contract with the school district was not renewed. Not to worry. Jim had involved the head of a local church and we began to meet there. A bunch of people from the church joined then. We had to pay now though. I got a job and so I could pay my own way. I also got my little sister in cause Jim had started a little kids group and my sister Lisa was only 6 yrs. but was a real pain in the neck. I was worried about her because all she got was negative feedback from the family. She needed to change her ways or have a very difficult life. So I paid for her Group too.

I swore to them that I would not quit. I would not join the fucked up people who lied and cheated and manipulated each other. The chickenshits who wouldn't face reality. I would not sell out like the quitters and losers. So another year passed and then I was out of middle school and moving on to High School.

I can't tell the incidents in a way that will serve any purpose. One of them though taught me that when there is a sudden change in a relationship, there is always more going on than meets the eye. So when I find myself reluctant to do or talk about things that were no problem before, first I think about and look very carefully at my actions and words and then I try to understand how I might have caused hurt feelings, anger, annoyance, resentment, jealousy or any other of the myriad of painful feelings that arise in all relationships between people. I can always find something. It's usually very difficult for me then.

My inclination is to feel defensive and to look for justification of myself. That's another thing we learned about in Group. We were not permitted under any circumstances to get defensive. No excuses, no reasons, no explanations. Being defensive was just hanging oneself. And it was easy to watch it in others and see what they themselves couldn't and wouldn't see. So I force myself to recognize my responsibility whether or not the other person figures their part out. It doesn't matter if I act hurtfully in reaction to feeling hurt or mad or whichever of those hard feelings that I hate. It isn't valid. It is acting out instead of confronting my feelings and telling the person. So even doing something hurtful out of carelessness or being unaware was and is not acceptable. It just means I'm being out of touch with myself.

I am not sure that I am going to write about the rest. I am beginning to regret even starting this saga. Well... I'm going to have to I think. Cause I began to have a real problem. And it is very hard to write about. See I didn't want to be in Group anymore. I hadn't wanted to be in Group for a long time. And I couldn't quit. I was REALLY tired of abstaining from low consciousness things.

See we were being taught to see ourselves as very special. Very different and to see everybody that wasn't in Group as all messed up. Especially the quitters. To leave Group meant rejecting this high level of relationships and these people who loved us and we were told that we would regret copping out and selling out for the rest of our lives. We weren't allowed to have friends outside of Group or to participate in any of the faddish things going on. No sports or surfing. Those boys had to quit their teams and surfer friends. No dances, no rock music. Jim called these things scitzy from schizophrenic. We'd get blasted if we were ever scitzy and out of touch with our feelings. We'd get yelled and screamed at by our sponsors, the student group leaders, the other members, and Jim. And during the yelling sponsors would start yelling at their sponsors if they weren't participating/helping. "You fucking selfish bitch!" How are you feeling? You're just sitting there like an asshole! What's going on with YOU?" "Get out f yourself God damn it!"

If someone wanted to quit they were expected to come and announce it to the Group. That was the deal but then the screaming, swearing and name-calling would commence with people yelling "I'm feeling HATE for you, you fucking asshole! How dare you leave me/us after all the work I/we have done with you?! My God you are a self-centered little bitch!" All the "quitter's issues would be brought up and dire predictions of what was going to happen to them were screamed at them. "You fucking little whore! You want to go back out and use drugs and fuck assholes who just want to use you. You'll end up a prostitute and drug addict! I hate you!" It was rough going for those of us who really were at risk for that ever possible future. It was rough for the normal kids too though, all those dire predictions about the fake people and users and manipulators who they were trading Group and honesty away for.

And it's true. There's nobody out here. Lots of fake, plastic people with egocentric values if they are successful. Blamers and manipulators. People on the run from their feelings, defending themselves even to themselves. They buy whatever myths about God and their cultures that they tell each other, generation after generation.

That's the worst. The psychological ways they ruin their kids in the name of their loving them. That's one reason why I don't have kids. I did not want to be involved with making somebody's life so difficult and I knew what my serious issues regarding love and neediness were. Because when I was old enough to rejoin Group after they left California and moved all together to Hawaii, I had no intention of keeping my word and returning to Group as I had promised. I had a fantasy about this guy in Greece who was going to be my best friend. I had very, very high expectations. But I digress….

By the time I got to high school, I didn't want to be in Group anymore. I didn't recognize myself I was so perfect. But it wasn't real and that's what being in Group was all about. Being real. The kids in the program were not kids that I normally would have chosen for friends. The intellectually higher activities we pursued were not what I'd have chosen to spend my time with. School was getting harder and I was missing huge pieces of the basics in my subjects and it was a Group value that we do well in school. I wondered how I was ever going to get out of Group. I was so proud for having stayed in where so many hadn't. I stayed for TRUTH. But also I was afraid to quit. I was pretty sure that Jim was right about what would happen to me and I couldn't face them and quit. So I just kept going and living a lie. I think it went on like that for 2 years.

I was lucky because I never had to actually quit Group. Everybody who quit naturally demonized the whole thing. They made the Group wrong and bad and went into denial about everything they had learned.

So when Group all left finally, Jim decided to move to Hawaii and took the Group with him. My parents wouldn't let me go. I immediately began where I had left off before I was in Group with all the inappropriate behavior. But I knew exactly what I was doing and why.

All the time I mean. And everybody else too. I always know what everybody is doing and why. It's like wearing Xray glasses for seeing people's inner selves. It is so obvious to me. If I was to do any kind of therapeutic work, the first place I'd start would be with the connection between their problem and the amount of love and attention they felt from each parent and what feelings they had toward their siblings. And what they did about it. And what fears they believed. Most important though is how they misunderstood lies in the first place and started building a persona accordingly. One way or another we have to accept responsibility for how we cope with this drama. Between you and me, we know that this is because it is our own design, but most of us are terrified of looking at that. We mistake responsibility for blame.

So we have to see things as they really were/are and without BLAME. That includes without self-blame, and that's the hardest thing. I told someone recently that there is no blame, however there is responsibility and until someone accepts responsibility, there will always be the same nagging, dragging problem. Forever if they prefer. I chose to suffer for my own and my parents and siblings transgressions. To suffer and to blame. Suffering is not the key. I used to think it was. And that suffering strengthens a person.

If we like. I have learned that we WILL learn. Either by the way of wisdom or the way of woe. Learning by way of wisdom is listening to other people's stories. Learning by woe is learning from the suffering that we do. Really it is not necessary.

Buddha went out of his father's palace and realized that there is suffering. And then he suffered. I'm thinking that that is part of the lie that we buy. Yes there is suffering, perhaps it's not so necessary to suffer to become strengthened though.

Something I understood again about my story is that my brother and I talked about EVERYTHING when we were growing up. We lost that relationship pretty much when we became adults and went our separate ways. That is the relationship that I have been longing for all my life though. There has been no one since our adolescence that was interested in how it works that would talk to me about who they are and what they have figured out. Figure out? THEY don't know there is something TO figure out.

I am going to direct attention to an expose that a guy named Craig Cornell wrote and published about Group in Hawaii and what happened. He became a lawyer so the first part of it is legal stuff he must have felt he needed to add.

Read through quite a bit of things Craig included until you get to:

Introduction To The Brennan Cult

Jim's name is/was James Brennan

January 20, 2020

One part of breaking all the taboos to get at TRUTH was confronting/learning about homosexuality in both men and women. So I tried being sexual with other women, friends, strangers, threesomes. I trained as a sex surrogate, I worked for years with a person on my own sexual issues. I read and watched countless hours of porn. The whole point was to really comprehend human sexuality without any of the religious and cultural biases.

I'll never forget the first time I watched a tape of 2 men MAKING LOVE. Not fucking, actually making love. I was astounded. This whole thing of passive/dominance is cultural crap. You are creating a rabbit hole of fear and obsession. I was stunned to realize that fuck yes! If I was a man I would be bi-sexual. You guys have so much more to DO sexually together. For example, having one's prostrate gland poked and prodded is apparently incredible. Females don't get to have that experience. On the other hand, a cock in the butt takes some getting used to and can seriously interfer with ones sphincter muscle control. Perhaps one might simply fantasize about it and have a nice time that way. On the other hand, due to the shit factor, I'd want to really be involved with someone to want to run my dick into their butt if I had a dick.

Here in Greece, traditionally men are not considered to be homosexual unless they are passive. Crap to an American. Yet at the same time we all know that that is the situation in our prisons. But it is NEVER talked about with guys who have been incarcerated. In Greece there are 2 epitaphs that the language is peppered with. 'To pusti' the homo, and 'to malakas' the masturbator. Like if someone drops something they might say, "To Pusti!" instead of "Oh shit".

Any kind of physical stimulation will get a physical response. Combine taboo and subconscious arousal tapes from infancy onward and one has a recipe for what I used to call kinks. One can form a sexual identity upon their kinks and turn them into obsession by denial and/or constantly running over them mentally.

I am astounded by the numbers of people who are going through psychoanalysis these days. I thought it had been replaced by therapy. Perhaps I'll open a thread about it.

January 18, 2020

PSI bought a neck hammock on Ebay. It works.

January 18, 2020

Oh Tsuki, you break my heart, I bleed for you, you are struggling so valiantly. When I first arrived here a few months ago you replied to something I wrote I think. You thought I was someone that you recognized but I don't think that was correct. But mostly no one replies to stuff that I write (one other person did) so I appreciated the hell out of you.

Here (in Leoland) as everywhere, I don't fit in. That point of view has become so OLD. People seem so intelligent and knowledgable with talking the talk and walking the walk, such discipline! Me? Tonight I wanna ask about how about "Holding The Cat Meditation While Lying Down?" I screwed up with this guy (Tiko The Magical Cat) when he came to me at the same time I discovered Leo (and also that everything is here for me in Kalamata). Think Inspector Clouseau and Kato in 'The Pink Panther". I'm kind of a rough type and I played rough with my baby cat and my arms have been scratched and bitten and bandaged for 4 months from our attack games. FINALLY, he comes into my arms without wanting to play "Get The Hand" when I am lying down and we breath each other's breath and his purring seeps into my cells. And we both go so quiet and calm. Seems like good meditation to me. But I seriously digress... In the real world everyone is so unconscious. Where are all those smart people that go online?

Anyway, this is supposed to be for you. A miracle happened the morning after I bought Leo's book list (Who SELLS their book list? Who BUYS a book list? But what an ingenious idea!} When I got it I was blown away by the WORK he put into his reviews. I only managed to get through listening to about 10 of them that first night. Next morning I woke up to this old guy going on and on on my wall. (I project youtube etc. onto my wall.) I'm like, who's the dude and I leave him on in the background as I proceed to wake up and get up. After a while, I begin to notice that he is funny and then he says some stuff that made me SIT-UP AND LISTEN. Whoaaaa. So I exit full screen and get his name and google him. The author of 'Conversations With God'. Wait a minute, that book is on Leo's list and he raved about it! Just another co-incidence. A synchronicity. A MIRACLE. It's like this all the time now. I am given all that is before me that I do not see. This started when Ho'opopono appeared and I began to say it. "I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you". One needs to be aware of 100% responsibility for all that is before (and behind them). So a bunch of really unlikely things happened. The gist is that all has been given to me. All the promises have been fullfilled.

It's been a long life, hard every step of the way. Who designs a life the way I did? Who consciously sets out to test and break every social taboo to get to the bottom of it all? To get at TRUTH? Well me. And you are breaking my bleeding heart with your round and round and struggling with whether or not to do the laundry. (My husband and I have pretty much always lived in separate countries and he won't clean. When he comes to the US I stop cleaning until he leaves. I won't cook either. No problem. One has to be flexible after all). So here's Neale and the video. Listen from 50:00 to hear the thing that I (and Neale) needed to hear. And as for the Bible... I got so disgusted with the characters and their shenanigans unto each other when I decided to go back and review the story of my namesake Rebecca that I stopped cause I remember the rest. And these are the folks 'GOD' had to work with within all THREE major western religions. No wonder Christ had to come and nail himself to a cross just to get everybody's attention. And the poppycock that has always gone on within the divisions of Islam is insane, and the crap that I hear from the various major Christian sects (Catholicism, Orthodoxy, Protestantism)! Poor God, poor me, poor you, poor we. Two words only: LOVE, FORGIVE.

January 17, 2020

Got It! Think about coming to Kalamata Leo. Do a Leo workshop, do a solo retreat that I could set up for you, visit unbelievable ruins, and/or a hidden waterfall pouring into a turquoise series of clear pools. That's me and an angel pilot named Petro. That's Kalamata below. It really is ok to take 50 years to do one's work.

January 17, 2020

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dgc9DCa1aT5E%26feature%3Dyoutu.be%26fbclid%3DIwAR3y8Zlz3-fdPiaEqVlmrxi6X1wXDdVRiaJNfQ9l8d-KkthlvQksPklVGiw&h=AT0LFxv7MwR9E5RfCkv29xne5WaxHW1N_-D9LwwpFA8JLGaa6T6RfpJ8goBfIWq8fLqZ9UV48t7didPrpGlXKlnTCXAcvo88iOYK1LzWzFnz_mToirp2MdnzAJ7Ie_twoY08

Sorry, I just don't know how to get my video of para gliding over Kalamata into a post. Maybe I have done it so that you can view it Leo.

About a year ago you were writing about doing a tour. I just found those writings a few days ago. I have been taking you on a journey the last few months, letting you know who I am, where I am, how I got here, and how glorious it is.

My question is, are you able to pull all my content; my posts, replies, comments and journaling together?

January 16, 2020