Existence

@Derek White Thanks.

Edited version: Recently,I was journaling and realized that i am studing hard not because i want to learn stuffs and value knowledge, but what is going on, on the deeper level is that my survival mechanism wants to preserve the image of "a good grader" in front of my parents, friends and others. It subconsciously creates fear and negative emotions to motivate me and i don't wanna do things that way. I tried to let go of the IMAGE, stop serving it and generally feel LOVE towards studing without any strings attached. But sadly, the mechanism is more powerful and wins everytime. How can i HACK that mechanism and not do things because i fear the death of the IMAGE ( And maybe move to higher levels of motivations like LOVE or valuing knowledge) ? [Sorry, my English isn't fluent] Thanks for reading.

What the f@#k means that reality is a subjective experience? Does "I'm not experiencing something" means, that thing don't exist in reality? Lets try a little thought experiment. whoever you are, one thing you can't disagree is that you are reading this thing right now. And therefore, you would also have to agree that, you exist. If you look around, you become aware of the world around you, things are happening around you. And referencing your direct experience, you/we can say that those things/the world exist. And the whole time, I'm not directly experiencing those. That seems like reality exists without my direct experience. Show me how the opposite is true.

@Angelite Sorry, I'm very naive at English and am facing difficulties making sense what you are saying. Would that be okay for you if i ask you to explain what you are saying in a more easily understandable way?

Thanks a lot for the tip. As far i know from my previous experiences is that ,when i'd try to let go/surrounder the identity, the mechanism will produce many negative emotions and other painful stuffs via subconscious mind to keep itself alive. Can you elaborate on how to deal with those?

But wouldn't that would create further IMAGES/identities that would want itself to be preserved/survived.

@Inliytened1 I think I'm stuck at the materialist paradigm. I'm getting an intuitive feeling that this could be possible. But truly speaking, I'm unable to make sense what this means logically. I hope my comprehension ability would improve in the future.

You are the creator, I'm the creator as much as somebody else is. On the other hand we know there is only ONE creator. Who is the right one?

When i open my eyes a new world comes into being?

@Synchronicity @TrynaBeTurquoise I see...

Thanks.

@Truth Hey, i understand what you are saying. The thing is, I've tried those before. But didn't worked for me. It was like forcing myself to be/think in a certain way when i am not authenticly. To me,They work for short term issues like reaching a certain state of mind. But for a stable solution, I'd prefer dealing with the inner world of beliefs. I think as our knowledge and experiences of the world are different from each others, it is not unnatural to come up with different perspectives and opinions about a general topic like this.

@Synchronicity You are saying that i don't experience anything outside of my experience. And things outside my experience exist without needing myself being aware of that. But leo sometimes says that the world doesn't exist without someone experiencing that. And the world would not continue existing after my death.(as though there are nobody eles real but me) This subjective-objective theory really confuses me.

I can't "just drop the mission",if it was that easy, i wouldn't be here seeking help. I tried to LET GO before. That just doesn't work. What happens is, i try to force myself with my conscious/logical mind and on the other side my deepest part/subconscious holds some different ways of looking.(representing the morality problem leo talked about ) If you try to abort the mission the mechanism will go to any limit to not let that that happen. All kinds of negative yakky stuffs can surface. Fear, resentment, resistance of all kinds, you can't imagine how far it can go. That's how it protects itself.

I don't know what you're saying. Can you explain further?

@Serotoninluv Interesting.

@VividReality Wow, i really like the way to answer people. (In video format) Now, i can see you are trying to give a level 1( from Leo's video about levels of self development) solution. Habits, self esteem, self love,acceptance and other stuffs like that. Where i was seeking a level 3 answer. Stuffs like self inquiries, higher level meditations, hardcore contemplations, reflecting life...and so on. But don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that level 1 stuffs are not worth doing. I was and am a fan of it. What I'm trying to say is that at this moment I'm more interested in those advanced ways of self improvement. And that is what I'm seeking in this thread. By the way, thanks again for your efforts. It is very inspiring for me:)

@Truth You know, like contemplating this topic so deep, such that at a point where i gain the ability to be aware of all the ways i preserve my images from dying and just begin transforming from the inside. Those neuro-hacks are cool. But looks kinda "outside-in",not dealing with the root cause. At least from my perspective.

@Truth Thanks, but i was looking for more mature solution.

@VividReality I guess the edited version is understandable to you now. A few days back, i saw leo's video about survival and started contemplating and tried to notice how it plays role in my day to. I found out 95% of things i do is motivated by it. And as the SSC (secondary school certificate) exam is knocking in the door , to preserve that image of a good student, i found myself cramming all day long. And the whole game was motivated by fear. As i said before, i did not liked being chased by fear and tried to defy the mechanism. Didn't worked. But creating routines? Would that really help me changing my survival mindset? Yes, I believe it would be helpful to some extant, to have some better habits that is going to systematically produce results. But isn't changing how you look at the world is more a thing of contemplation and journaling? What specific habit or routine you want me to have?

" Good makes sense only when you have some kinds of ego that you have to do good to. No ego= no good/bad= every thing is Good with capital G

Selfishness needs a SELF or ego in the first place to be selfish about. When you are completly selfless, even you are suffering that time, you don't care and need to survive. "Suffering/Not suffering " doesn't matter any more. Because suffering is precisely- "trying to survive the ego and not being able to"

Even though most of my life has been constructed on people pleasing, to get fame, to be perfect, this right here is complete exception. Kinda intentionally defying the urge to filter myself. No, this would not be the perfectly done project the one would read. Filled with many grammatical mistakes and bullshits.but yeah, that's the project , to resist the urge to be someone else and me to please somebody else's dogma. I would be basically post my thoughts about life and explore my negative experiences. And if my thinkings contradicts with you, or you don't like my English, go ahead post a negative comment. I don't care. At the end that doesn't matter whether i got 1m views on YouTube or become the most criticised one. Nobody doesn't really care, when they are lying in their death bed. Really a rough awakening when you realize your life you passed clinging to the wrong. I'm really sick of that game. Game of perfection, game of manipulating, game of thinking what others would think. I quit. Everybody can start the defiltering process in their own life.

I'm over and over falling into this trap of seeking approval, the very thing that I'm trying to move forward from. Im continuously checking it's views and secretly wanting someone to reply here.

I don't really except anyone to reply this.